Little Toy Guns
by girl-at-home13
Summary: Rowan's life will be forever changed from the moment Jax Teller crashes into her life, literally. Her mother is dying, and her father has never been in the picture, until now. The last thing she needs is the notorious badass biker boy Jax screwing around with her heart. The SAMCRO life threatens to bring Rowan and Jax together in more ways than one, and rip them apart just as fast.
1. Chapter 1: The End Is Near

_****Please Read Authors Note Before Reading****_

 _ **A/N: Hey there! Here recently I became obsessed with Sons of Anarchy on Netflix. I never watched the show when it aired weekly on FX, and now wished I would have. I love it SO MUCH. So, I decided to write a fic for it!**_

 _ **This story will follow the show as close as possible, but the first few chapters will be getting to know my OC. It will be a Jax/OC story all the way. In my version Jax is only 23 years old, he looked pretty young in season 1. My OC Rowan Collins is 21 years old. I'd like to make this a very slow burn between Jax and Rowan, so they aren't going to be jumping each other's bones anytime soon. But, it will happen. Lol.**_

 _ **Cast List for all my OC's:**_

 _ **Rowan Collins is portrayed by: Candice Accola (previously was Taylor Swift)**_

 _ **Rebecca Collins is portrayed by: Elizabeth Shue**_

 _ **Deacon Willhite is portrayed by: Jeffery Dean Morgan**_

 _ **Lena Jacobson is portrayed by: Shelly Hennig**_

 _ **Please review, good or bad, and let me know what you think, or what you'd like to see! Enjoy!**_

 **Chapter 1**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

The rhythmic sounds of the beeping monitors greeted my ears as I slowly pulled myself awake. I opened my eyes one at a time, blinking away the blurriness and sleep that had taken over my vision. I sat slouched in the arm chair in the corner of my mother's hospital room. Stifling a yawn, I stared at her motionless body lying in the bed across from me. Glancing down I could see a wooly blanket one of the nurses had covered me up with in the middle of the night. I felt a small smile form on my lips at their kindness, and then felt it disappear almost as quickly as it had appeared. I'd become extremely bitter on the inside since my life had ultimately went to complete shit. I guess that's what the world does to you; it makes you bitter.

My eyes flickered to the small crack in the wall above the hospital bed. It seemed like it was left there to mock my life. I mentally flipped it the finger every time I looked at it. Every time I looked at it, it seemed as if it had grown bigger, like the tumor growing inside my mother's brain. Everything started so small, just like the crack in the wall, then it splintered and spider webbed its way from there.

St. Thomas Hospital has been our home for the past three and half months... This wasn't how things were supposed to be. Not by a long shot.

I placed the wooly blanket on the back of the arm chair as I stood up and stretched my arms over my head. I let out a sigh as I took in the room for the thousandth time. It was so cold, haunting even, with the four white walls that felt like they could cave in at any moment. The air was sterile and smelled like lemons and bleach mixed together. I've grown to hate that smell. I wrinkled my nose as I lifted the blinds on the small boxed windows, letting in some light, taking in the tops of buildings in the distance.

"Hey, baby," My mother whispered almost inaudibly from her bed.

"How ya feeling?" I asked quietly, turning to face her. Mustering up the smallest smile I could manage; I walked over and sat down on the edge of her bed.

Her once curly golden locks of hair were now completely gone, replaced with a shaved head and beanie to keep her head warm. The doctors told her the chemo would make her hair fall out, one of the wonderful side effects of treatment, so instead of waiting for it to go little by little, my mother decided to chop it all off. I didn't blame her either; if it were me I would have done the same damn thing.

"Oh, I'm hanging in there." She smiled warmly, before coughing and wheezing.

It was heartbreaking to see her once vibrant face turn pale and blotchy, with tubes snaking in and out of her nose. I grabbed a glass of water off the bedside table and helped her get a small sip of it, before setting it back down.

"Baby, I told you to stop sleeping here. You need rest just as much as I do. Go home, and sleep in your own bed." she whispered warily. She took my hand in her own. Her hand felt like a block of ice. I squeezed it and rubbed my other hand over the top of it in hopes of getting it to thaw out.

"I don't mind. Besides, if I went home I'd just worry too much. Plus, it's closer to the diner anyway." I explained. I just didn't want to tell her that we were about to be evicted from our house because I couldn't make the rent this month, or last month.

Jerry, our landlord, had been lenient with us for the most part, understanding the situation I was in, but two months had passed and he needed rent. He was determined to get his money, or throw us out on the street. I glanced at the clock hanging above the RCA TV on the opposite wall of the room. I'd picked up two extra shifts this week at the diner, trying to scrounge up enough money to make rent. Somehow, it just never seemed to be enough.

"I've got to get to work, but I'll be back later tonight. I'll bring you some pecan pie from the diner." I assured her, before getting up and pulling on my leather knee high boots. Pecan Pie was her favorite food of all time. I remembered making them with her when I was younger. We'd make dozens of them and then donate them to the local meals on wheels.

I grabbed my fringed leather bag off the floor by my armchair and slung it over my shoulder then walked over to her bedside and kissed her forehead lightly. "I'll be back later, don't hassle the nurses too much." I smiled, winking at her as I pulled away. She held my hand and smiled back at me weakly. I hated leaving her. I didn't have much time with her from what the doctors said, and I wanted to spend as much time with her as humanly possible. Working at a hole in the wall diner for shit pay was shit.

"It's you and me, mom." I whispered, feeling the tears welling in my eyes slightly.

I took a deep breath and held them back as she squeezed my hand faintly.

"It's me and you, kid." She said.

It was a saying that had stuck from when I was a kid. My mother worked constantly when I was growing up, to support us. My father was never around and whenever she would leave me at the babysitter that's what we'd say.

I smiled and headed out the door into the hallway.

I never knew who my father was growing up. Even now, I still don't. My mother always said he wasn't ready to become a father when she found out she was pregnant with me, so he bailed and left us alone to fend for ourselves. I wondered what he was like though. Did I have his eyes? Did I have his smile? Did I have his laugh? Or did I have all of my mother's traits? All questions I would never find the answers too. For all I know, the man could be dead. In all honesty, I'm glad I don't know who he is...at least that's what I tell myself. It would be kind of nice to have someone to lean on right now...

The halls of the hospital were busy as doctors and nurses bustled about, taking care of patients and getting where they needed to go. I walked down the hall and made a left, and stopped at the elevator, jamming my fist onto the down button repeatedly. The doors swished open and I glided inside, turning on my heel to hit the ground floor button. Just as the doors were about to close, a hand appeared between them stopping them from closing just in the nick of time.

Chief Wayne Unser of the Charming Police Department stared back at me for a moment, before wandering inside the elevator. "How are you doing, darling?" He asked, glancing over at me as the doors closed to the elevator.

"I'm doing alright," I muttered. "How are you and Della?" I asked sincerely, readjusting the bag on my shoulder. Chief Unser and I had become quite close since my mother had been admitted into the hospital permanently. He was suffering from bladder cancer and often had chemo treatments the same days as my mother. His wife Della would come and sit with him through treatments some days, although here lately I haven't seen much of her at all.

"We're doing just fine. How's your momma doing?" He asked, as I turned to look at him. Unser was probably in his mid-fifties at best, and has been the Chief of Police in Charming since before I could remember.

"The doctors say she's stable for now, but the cancer is spreading aggressively to other parts of her brain. I don't know how much longer she's going to hang on. It's taking everything out of her." I answered honestly, feeling my heart breaking with each word. I knew she was dying, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I hated feeling helpless and useless. She's been my best friend all of these years. She's all I have left. The thought of saying goodbye killed me and scared me shitless.

"You're momma's a tough one, Rowan. That's where you get it from. You let me know if you all need anything and I'll do my best to help you." Unser said, as he pulled me into a side hug.

"Thank you." I replied, as the doors to the elevators opened.

Unser walked me to my car and waved as I left the parking lot to head to work.

* * *

Charming was a small quaint little town in the middle of nowhere. It was one of those blink-and-you-miss-it towns. The kind of town where everything stayed the same and nothing changed. As much as I wanted to leave Charming when I was in high school; I never did. Something always kept my feet planted in the redwood mud. This was my home whether I liked it or not. Most of the people I went to high school with ended up dead or in jail or pregnant or hooked on drugs.

Maybe I was sort of lucky, I mean I hadn't gotten knocked up. Yet.

I pulled up in front of Franny's Diner just off of Main Street and put my old beat up Mustang into park and shut off the ignition. I stepped out of the car and headed inside, feeling the wind blowing my messy blonde hair all around as I went. I walked inside, put my bag underneath the counter, and pulled out my black apron, securing it to my waist by tying the strings behind my back.

Franny's was an old diner that had been in town for years. I've worked here since I graduated high school. I pulled some cleaning supplies out from underneath the counter and began wiping down the front counter and bar stools that lined the front. Small red booths and tables and chairs filled the rest of the place. It all did have a certain level of southern charm to it, I had to admit that.

"I didn't know you were working today!" Someone shouted from behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see my friend Lena walking towards me. She removed her ray bans, placing them on top of her head as she walked behind the counter. Her reddish brown hair flowed down around her face.

"I picked up a few extra shifts. I need the money." I replied quietly, finishing up with the counter as an older woman and her husband came in for lunch.

I seated them by the windows, took their drink order, and left them to look over their menus.

Lena and I have been friends since we were in fucking diapers. Our mothers went to high school together and both got pregnant around the same time. We grew up together, so in a way she felt like the sister I never had. She was the complete opposite of me, reckless and obnoxious, which is what I loved about her. She pulled me out of my shell and I helped reign in her wild side and posted bail when need be.

I walked to the back of the kitchen to hang the older couples order on the wheel for the chef and turned to look at Lena stealing fries off of someone's plate. I laughed and shook my head, taking one for myself. The diner was pretty dead right now, only a few people had begun to trickle in for the lunch hour. Things would pick up in about an hour or so. This was one of the only half decent places to get a real home cooked meal in town. I mean we had McDonald's, a Burger King, and a local Pizza Hut that had just been put in about a year ago. People around here though liked to walk in and have a proper sit down meal.

As more people came trickling into the diner, I waited on more and more tables, brought people their greasy cheeseburgers and fries, and fish sandwiches. I also cleared tables, loaded and unloaded dishwashers because we were short on people today. I was your real all-American girl. I felt like I lived inside a freaking Carrie Underwoodvideo sometimes.

Lena was filling two cups up with Coke as a small grin formed on her face.

You could hear them before they even pulled into the lot; the rumble and roar of the motorcycles as they barreled down Main Street, heading straight this way. "Oh, you know what that sound means." Lena grinned as I looked at her, confused.

My mind was all over the place this morning. I needed money to make rent, which I didn't have. I needed new breaks on my car among other things, which also cost money I didn't have. I've had bill collectors blowing up my phone for weeks now wondering when I'm going to make a payment on some of my mother's Mount Everest pile of medical bills and Jerry the royal pain in my ass landlord stalking me at every turn.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, glancing at her as I made a smiley face out of the bacon and eggs on the plate in front of me for the little boy waiting in booth five with his mom.

"Mr. Hottie is on his way!" Lena laughed, and gave me one of those "Seriously, you don't know who I'm talking about" looks. I shrugged my shoulders as we both walked out of the kitchen balancing trays of steaming food on our arms.

"You have so many "Mr. Hotties" it's hard to keep them all straight. I mean there's Mr. Hottie from the video store, with the snake bites. Mr. Hottie from the gym, with the tattoos... And Mr. Hottie from the movie theater with the shitty Camaro." I pointed out, smirking as she rolled her eyes. I placed the little boy's plate of food down in front of him and heard him squeal at the smiley face on his plate as I walked away.

"That, Mr. Hottie, badass biker boy," Lena whispered as she passed behind me and pointed out the window at a guy getting off of his motorcycle, along with a few others. I spaced looking out the window as he removed his helmet and then lit a cigarette. Pulling the smoke into his lungs then blowing it out of his nostrils. I never thought smoking a cigarette could look, well, sexy, but he just proved me wrong.

I glanced out the window at him as I made my way back behind the counter and started a fresh pot of coffee. He wore his cut every time he came in here. The back of it read, "Sons of Anarchy MC California." I didn't know his name, but I knew he was a part of the Sons, obviously by his cut. The Sons have been in this town for years, everyone who had a brain knew who they were.

"This is the third time this week they've come in here." Lena whispered gawking at them as they ventured inside and found a booth to seat all four of them.

"I guess they like the food here." I replied, laughing, pouring a cup of coffee for Lena to take to her table. Indistinct conversations flitted throughout the diner followed by the clanking and banging sounds of pots and pans in the kitchen.

"The food here sucks ass." Lena pointed out, shaking her head. She was right, the food here was shitty.

"Don't look now, but that older dude is staring at you again. I think he wants to get himself a piece of you." She laughed, causing my face to turn a bright shade of red. I glanced at the back booth to see the man she was referring to. His name was Deacon I think. He came in here a lot, mostly by himself, and he always tried to make small talk with me for some reason. I didn't know what his deal was, but he seemed like a really nice person. When you work for tips, making small talk is a small price to pay.

"You know, he left me a hundred dollar tip last week, for a fucking cup of coffee. When I went to give it back to him, he'd already flown out of the lot on his bike." I told her, filling the creamer and sugar containers back up.

"Seriously?" Lena shrieked. I nodded my head and noticed the blonde haired Mr. Hottie staring at us from his seat. He licked his bottom lip then looked away and resumed talking to the guys at his table, removing his riding gloves from his hands.

"Can you cover that table? Find out what they want to eat, please." I asked, mustering up the best pouty face that I could. I liked joking around with Lena, it made me forget about everything else going on for a while, but I felt hollow inside. It all felt forced and unnatural.

"I can give Mr. Hottie something to eat, but it's not on the menu." Lena teased sending glances back at the table with her 'fuck me' eye stare. Mr. Hottie smirked at her, and then his eyes caught my own making me look away quickly.

"Don't do that. Don't be that girl," I told her, holding back a laugh noticing the long blonde haired guy leaving his seat.

"I've got them." she said before heading over there to take their order.

I made my way into the back of the kitchen and picked up two orders of fries and cheeseburgers and balanced them on a tray on my arm, pushing the swinging door open with my shoulder, walking out into an aisle. My body collided with something hard as fries flew everywhere, and plates shattered as they hit the ground along with me. I looked up mortified to see Mr. Hottie staring down at me apologetically.

"Jesus Christ, I didn't even see you." He said with a husky voice, kneeling down to help me up. The guys at his table laughed and yelled, "Way to go Jackie Boy." So, his name was Jack? I wondered as I stared at him with a deer in the headlights expression.

I got to my knees and began to pick up the food and broken shards of plates and place them on my carrying tray.

"It's okay. It was my fault." I apologized profusely, feeling embarrassed and like a complete moron. He stayed kneeling down in front of me and started to help me pick up the food off the ground.

"It was my fault, I wasn't paying attention. Are you alright?" He asked his voice full of concern. I looked up nodded my head and let my eyes connect with his crystal blue ones.

"Yeah, my dignity broke the fall." I joked, as he grinned. He wore a white short-sleeved shirt underneath his leather cut. The patch on the front of his vest read, "Vice President". I wondered what that meant, but said nothing. I finished piling the wasted food and broken plates on the tray with his help, then rose to my feet.

"So, it's Rowan, is it?" He asked intrigued, staring at the shiny name tag pinned to my low cut grey V-neck shirt. I wasn't sure if he was staring at my breasts or really looking at the name tag and just didn't want come off as a pervert, but I felt a flutter in my lower stomach and didn't quite understand why.

"That's what my birth certificate says." I smiled, moving slowly towards the door near the kitchen.

"I'm guessing your mom didn't name you Vice President?" I questioned when he kept staring at me, gesturing towards the patch on his cut. Lena came to the rescue and took the tray out of my hands and handed me a wet rag to clean up the spilt soda off the carpet, not before giving me an 'oh my god, he's hot look.'

"My mother has a lot of different names for me, dumbass, dipshit, and jackass, but I prefer Jax." He said, smirking at me as I dabbed the green carpeted floor. Once I realized the stain wasn't going to come out of the carpet, I gave up and stood up as Jax stared at me curiously.

"I'm sorry for crashing into you." he said as he moved past me, our shoulders brushing against one another.

"I'll see you around." He whispered, before he went back to his table...

 **A/N: Follow Rowan's journey through Charming on her 'personal' Instagram at: collins_rowan**


	2. Chapter 2: You Need a Lift?

**Chapter 2: You Need a Lift?**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

It had been one of those long days. The kind where I never got a break or got to stop moving for more than a minute or two. My feet ached in my boots as I finished wiping down the bar. I had the night shift tonight, which meant I would be at the diner until closing, which was usually around 10pm on weeknights. Lena had gone home when her shift ended at six, leaving me all by my lonesome. She couldn't stop talking about how that guy Jax had bumped into me. It was the highlight of her day, and I guess mine too.

He ate with his buddies and then they all left about a half hour after our little incident. Ever since then he kept creeping into my mind, no matter how hard I tried not to think about him. I mean I have way more important things to think about besides a hot guy. The way he stared at me with those piercing blue eyes and his devilish grin made my heart skip a beat, even just thinking about it now. I didn't want to admit it, but he was good looking. Lena was right about that. Besides his dashing good looks and his name, I knew nothing about him. Other than he's part of a motorcycle club with a less than stellar reputation in this town...

In all honesty it was probably better off that we didn't know each other. He'd just be that guy that I bumped into and that would be that.

The diner was empty as I started to stack chairs onto the tables so I could sweep the floors quickly before calling it a night. I heard the chimes above the entrance door jingle alerting me someone had come in, "Sorry, we're just about to close for the night." I hollered over my shoulder, before turning around to see Jax and the guy who left me the hundred dollar tip last week. What was his name? Dan? Declan? Deacon...that's it.

"Oh, hey there!" I greeted them, a little too enthusiastically. I was not expecting see them again today, or anyone really. I brushed some blonde hair behind my ear and internally strangled myself. Who the hell says 'hey there' anymore? Apparently I do.

"You think we can trouble you for a cup of coffee, to go of course." Deacon asked, as they both made there way to the counter.

"Sure, just give me a second." I said shyly, making my way behind the counter and over towards the coffee pot. I decided to just make them a small fresh pot, what little bit that was left in the pot had been there since this evening.

"They got you working the grave yard shift?" Jax asked curiously, as I glanced at him and Deacon over my shoulder while I searched for the lids to the to go cups. Normally, this would be the scene in the horror movie where the two guys rob the diner and kill the cute little diner girl. Stop watching horror movies after midnight, Rowan... these two didn't really give off the whole psycho killer vibe, but a girl can never be too sure.

"I volunteered, actually. I'm more of a night owl anyway. Plus, I'm broke and really need the money, so sleep isn't an option anymore." I laughed nervously, before glancing down at the coffee pot.

The aroma of coffee beans filled the air as it began to brew.

"A good work ethic is a good quality to have. You should take some notes, Jax." Deacon said matter-of-factly, causing Jax to duck his head and rest his hands on the counter, seemingly embarrassed. Or at least I thought he looked embarrassed.

"Kiss my ass old man!" He shot back, smirking. I smiled at their bantering and turned around and leaned against the counter waiting for the coffee to finish up brewing, trying not to stare at them.

A silence fell over the restaurant, until Jax cleared his throat. Deacon took a seat in one of the bar stools and rested his elbows on the counter, looking at me every once in awhile. It wasn't a creepy look either that I get most of the time from all the old pervs trying to get in my pants. But, a look that seemed sincere, or like he was studying me maybe. He had a grey scruffy beard coming in and his hair was peppered. I couldn't help but notice his nose. It sloped a lot like mine did. I chalked it up to coincidence.

"How's Rebecca doing?" Deacon asked sincerely, as I turned around to check the coffee pot. My eyebrows furrowed as I tried to figure out how he knew my mothers name? I never mentioned her or her being sick to him. I hardly know this guy. I mean we've made small talk whenever he'd come in for lunch or whatever, talked about the weather and simple mundane things like that, but nothing personal. Tiny red flags shot up in my head to keep an eye on this guy.

The coffee pot beeped behind me indicating it was finished, so I turned around and poured two cups. I found the protective slips and slid them onto the cups, buying myself a little time to figure out if this guy really knew my mother or not. I carried the cups of coffee over to them and placed them on the counter in front of the them.

I searched for the creamer and sugar and let them put their own in. "So, you know my mother?" I asked curiously, arching my eyebrows skeptically.

"We're old friends, _very_ old friends." Deacon explained, before sipping his black cup off coffee. Jax poured some creamer in his and tore open a few packets of sugar. He wore a lot of rings on his fingers. The silver rings spelled out, 'SONS.' I wasn't a big fan of guys who wore jewelry but damn he made it work.

"Oh, well she's okay." I started to say, "Do you want me to give her a message or anything?" I asked intrigued, fidgeting with the towel on the counter top.

"No, no that's alright. We better get going Jax, can't keep Clay waiting. Thank you for the coffee, darling." Deacon said with a smile, before quickly heading out the door.

I stood there dazed and confused for a good minute before I realized Jax was still standing at the counter staring at me intently.

"You alright?" He half asked, half laughed.

I heard the sound of a motorcycle start outside and glanced out the big front windows lining the front of the diner to see him tearing out of the parking lot.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just didn't know my mother knew anyone like… well... anyone really." I laughed nervously, fumbling over the words and making an ass out of myself. Deacon ran with the Sons, he wasn't exactly someone I ever pictured my mother being friends with, but it was possible. I mean anything is possible in this crazy ass town.

"Deacon's a good guy. But, thanks for the coffee." Jax said appreciatively. I smiled as he took his coffee and headed outside.

I did my rounds and made sure everything was turned off and all the doors to the freezers were locked, flicking off the lights as I went. After I grabbed my bag out from beneath the front counter I walked outside into the cool night air, turning to lock the door behind me. I noticed a cup of coffee sitting on the curb and picked it up, it was still warm, like it had just been poured. Deacon must have put it there before he left. It was fresh, it shouldn't have tasted that bad. Then again, I suck at making coffee. I tossed the cup in the trashcan and headed for my car, not thinking anything else of it.

I noticed Jax was still in the parking lot sitting on his bike drinking his coffee. The street lights on Main Street flickered as I got in my car, slamming the door shut. I rifled through my bag and found my keys and tried to start the car. It made a clunking noise and wouldn't turn over. So, I tried it again and again only to hear the same thudding sound. Jesus Christ, this is exactly what I needed right now. I rolled my eyes and tried it again, and got nothing.

"No, come on. Don't do this to me, not now." I whispered desperately, trying to coax it to just fucking start. It did this _all_ the time, but apparently tonight it just wasn't going to play nice at all.

I slammed my hand into the steering wheel out of frustration, then slumped down in my seat and sat there with my hands over my face for a moment.

I got out of the car and popped the hood, and stared at the maze of car parts I knew nothing about, and wondered why I popped the hood in the first place. I had no clue what I was even looking at. It all looked like foreign objects to me. I ran my hand through my hair as I heard the roar of a motorcycle start up on the other side of the parking lot.

I noticed the head light coming my way.

Jax pulled up next to my car and shut off his bike, "Won't start?" He asked, arching his eyebrows, as he removed the helmet from his head.

"No, I have no clue what's wrong either. It does this all the time." I replied, sighing as I started walking around the side of the car to talk to him.

"I can take a look at if you want." He offered, gesturing towards the car. He was different then I expected him to be. Gentler than his rough exterior portrayed him to be.

"Are you sure you don't mind? I don't want to hold you up." I said, nervously scratching the back of my neck as he got off his bike and waved a hand at me dismissively, like it wasn't a big deal.

"I got time." He said as he peered down at the engine. He poked and unplugged a few things and replugged them back in as he went over the engine searching for the problem. He seemed like he really knew his way around a car.

"This is a nice ass car, 1968 Mustang Fastback. You've got great taste." He complimented, glancing up at me. I smiled lightly and admired my hunk of junk car. It could be a beautiful ride if I had the money to fix it up. The burgundy paint was peeling off and it had several dents in the doors.

"Well, I think I found the problem." Jax said calmly, as he touched a few things on the engine. "Your battery is corroded and your starter switch is about shot." He explained, pointing down at the engine, while I stood there letting everything he said go over my head. I'll never understand car mechanics.

"I'm guessing those are all bad things…" I half laughed, running my hand through my hair. This was fucking great… There's no way I'll be able to fix this anytime soon. Parts cost money. I shook my head at a loss for words, fed up with my life as Jax slammed the hood down. He brushed his hands off and turned towards me.

"Unfortunately, yeah. I'll have Half Sac come out and tow it to the shop tomorrow. We'll get it fixed for you." Jax offered, staring at me through the dusky night sky. A few cars sped down Main Street sending a wave of wind in our direction.

"How much does that cost? To have it towed and to be fixed? Like a ballpark figure?" I asked hesitantly. Jax must have sensed the worry and frustration in my voice because he rubbed his chin and then slipped his hands in his pockets.

"The tow is free and I'll do the work myself. No charge." He offered, looking at me sincerely.

"No, I can't ask you to do that." I replied quickly, shaking my head profusely.

"You didn't ask, I'm offering. I figured it's the least I can do for knocking you on your ass earlier today." He laughed lightly, and walked towards me with his hands in his pockets. He had a nice laugh. It was one of those laughs that made you smile when you heard it.

"I can't let you do the work for free, I'll find a way to get some cash together." I assured him, as he shook his head.

"I'm not worried about it." He replied, glancing at me. The way he looked at me sent shivers down my spine and not in a bad way.

"Thanks for looking at it." I said quietly, standing up on the curb in front of the diner. After a moment, I walked over to the car and fished my cell phone out of my purse only to find that the battery was completely dead. Wonderful, so much for calling Lena for a ride. Not that she'd even be able to drive, she was going to some party up in Lodi, so that meant she was probably piss ass drunk by now. I flung it back inside the car and slammed the door shut as Jax sat back down on his bike.

"I can give you a ride, if you want." He offered, staring at me as I leaned against the side of my car.

"That's okay, I only need to head a little ways up the road. I can just walk. It's no big deal." I replied quietly, brushing it off, trying not to seem like a total train wreck. Jax smirked and started up his bike. The sound filled my ears, as I felt the ground shaking from the vibration of the engine coming to life.

"I can't let a pretty girl like you walk home alone in the dark." Jax hollered over the roar of the bike, "So, either you take the ride or I walk you home. Your choice." He offered, cocking his head to the side and holding out his helmet for me to take.

I scoffed and walked toward him slightly. I hardly know this guy, and I'm just supposed to trust him and get on the back of his bike. Jax stared at me expectantly, patiently waiting for me to make up my mind. This was insane. I could already see the paper now, 'local girl hacked to a million pieces and found in a ditch off of I-90.' I chewed on my lip and shook those absurd thoughts from my mind. He seemed nice, genuine. He'd offered to fix my car for free, I highly doubted he'd hurt me, but I was still keeping my guard up.

"You're not going to take no for an answer are you?" I questioned him, propping my hands on my hips. I didn't want to feel like I needed to be rescued by this guy, but it was kind of nice having someone here willing to help me.

"Nope," he grinned.

"I've never even been on a bike before, I don't really want to have my brain cracked open and splattered all over the asphalt." I shot back at him, declining his offer. It was for the best, I kept telling myself.

"That's what the helmets for, princess." He retorted, giving me a cocky grin, causing me to snort and look away. This was a bad idea. I could already tell it was a horrible idea to get on the back of this guys bike, but I didn't really feel like walking two miles after being on my feet all day. My instincts were screaming not too, but I found myself moving closer towards him and his bike.

"Fine, but, just so you know if we crash and I die, I'll comeback and haunt your ass from beyond the grave." I snapped, accepting the helmet he handed me and strapped it onto my head.

"Sounds fair enough to me, darling. Now where am I taking you?" He asked, lifting the kick stand out from beneath the bike with his foot. I climbed onto the back of his bike and felt extremely awkward. I didn't know where to put my hands and was well aware of how good he smelled.

"St. Thomas hospital." I said to him over his shoulder. He nodded his head and started to back the bike up slightly with his feet on the ground. I placed my hands on the top of his broad shoulders and felt a shiver run down my spine. The entire time a flashing neon sign that read "bad idea" flashed in my mind.

"Put your hands around my waist. It's safer." He instructed, so reluctantly I did. My body was squished against the back of him. I interlocked my fingers around the front of him and felt my heart pounding in my chest.

"You good?" Jax yelled over his shoulder as he patted my hand in front of him. I said yes and held on to him tightly as he took off out of the parking lot.

The wind whipped around us wildly, sending my hair every direction. I could feel the bike vibrating beneath me as we continued along. Everything went by in a quick beautiful colorful blur. It felt so freeing to be on the back of his bike. I squeezed tighter as he picked up speed, no doubt trying to freak me out. But, I felt fine, alive even. It was fun. Something I haven't had in a while. It was hard to enjoy things knowing my mother was going to die soon.

Jax pulled into the hospital parking lot about five minutes later. He came to a stop right outside the front entrance and shut off the bike. I climbed off and unclipped the helmet and handed it back to him with a smile on my face. That was exhilarating.

"What'd you think?" He asked, grinning at the smile etched across my face.

"I can see why you like it so much." I replied almost giddy, slipping my hands into my back pockets. I glanced at him every few seconds while he shook his head.

"It's pretty great." He replied. "So you live here at the hospital? Or did you just not want me to know where you lived?" He teased, fiddling with the helmet in his hand. I laughed and shook my head.

"No, my moms here. I stay with her most nights." I explained as a few cars drove around Jax's bike. He looked at me sympathetically trying to understand what I was going through.

"What's wrong with her?" He asked hesitantly, glancing up at me.

"She has stage four brain cancer. A tumor that's taking over her brain." I replied quietly, not wanting to think about the inevitable.

"I'm really sorry to hear that." Jax said, looking directly at me.

I nodded my head and gave him a half hearted smile.

"Thanks for the ride." I said, slowly walking backwards towards the double doors to the hospital entrance.

"Anytime, stop by Teller-Morrow tomorrow, and get your car. It shouldn't take to long to get it up and running for you." He said, before starting up his bike and taking off into the darkness of the night.


	3. Chapter 3: Help Wanted

_**A/N: THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for all the reviews! I'll start to trickle events from the show into the upcoming chapters soon. I'm just trying to build up Rowan and Jax a bit before I dive into the heavy shit, because let's be honest, this show has some heavy shit in it!  
**_

 _ **Questions: What do you guys think about Jax and Rowan so far? Things will move slow for them, but will pick up the more Rowan learns and gets pulled into the Club life.**_

 _ **Would you like for me to write some chapters in Jax's POV or keep it strictly Rowan's POV?**_

 _ **Let me know in the reviews! :)**_

* * *

 **Chapter 3: Help Wanted**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

I awoke the following morning with a gnawing ache in my lower back and a cringe in my neck from sleeping in such a mangled position in the armchair in my mother's room. I needed to ask if they had a cot or something I could use, because this chair felt like it was crippling my spine, or I'd just sleep on the linoleum floor. It couldn't be any worse than this damn chair, I thought.

Between the whirring of the machines hooked to my mother and the nurses coming in and out of her room all hours of the night to monitor her or administer medication, it was impossible to get a good night's sleep, but I didn't care. I would never complain out loud about any of it, especially not to her, because she didn't ask for any of this either, and she's the one losing the most. I could suck it up and handle it, for her.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I stepped out of the tiny shower in the bathroom and quickly dried myself off and pulled on a pair of black ripped up skinny jeans with the knees missing, and a light weight white silky flowing tank top.

I wiped the steam off the mirror and stared back at my reflection briefly, before running the towel through my damp hair. My mind kept wondering back to Jax and Deacon last night at the diner. There was something off about Deacon; I just didn't know what it could be. He came in and paid for a cup of coffee and then left it sitting on the curb. I mean who does that? Stalkers? Serial Killers? It didn't make sense. Then again I was probably just over thinking it, like I overthink everything else.

I dug through my gym bag on the floor and found my makeup bag and applied a light touch of mascara so I didn't look like the walking dead going into Teller-Morrow. Maybe deep down I was just wondering what Jax would think of me. Which was completely stupid, because for all I know he has a girlfriend or a wife. Besides, I'm not interested in him like that. I can't be. I don't have time for silly things like impressing some guy I hardly know. My thoughts raced as I shook my head and rolled my eyes looking away from the mirror at my idiotic thoughts.

As I was pulling my hair up into a messy bun, my phone vibrated on the sink. Glancing down at it, I saw I had a new text message from Lena... _I'm outside waiting for you..._ the text read. _On my way down..._ I replied back, walking out of the bathroom.

"I've got to go talk to someone about getting my car fixed, but I'll be back as soon as I can." I said as my mother turned her head and looked at me. She was watching some cooking show on the Food Network Channel. I could hear the sounds of something simmering in a pan and a woman's voice explaining how to dice an onion without making yourself cry. My mother loved to cook; it was one of her passions.

"Sweetheart, go hang out with Lena. Have lunch, or go to a movie, be a twenty one year old for the day." She pressured me, causing me to roll my eyes as she held my hand.

"You know, I'm beginning to think you're trying to get rid of me!" I said faking being offended, as I pulled on my pair of snake heads. I really needed to take some of our clothes home and do laundry. Lena would bring me clothes and shoes, but I'd never take them home. I'd just let them pile up in my little hermit's corner by my chair.

"Who? Me? no, not at all..." She said, giving me a small smirk. I shook my head and rolled my eyes as I made sure all of her magazines were within reach and her cup of water was full.

"Okay, so I'm going to Teller-Morrow with Lena and figuring out what the hell I'm doing with my car. If you need anything, just call me. I have my cell." I assured her, before leaning down and kissing her forehead. She was a lot less pale today, and sitting up in her bed.

Today was a good day.

"Teller-Morrow?" She questioned intrigued, a worried look swept across her face for a moment, and then it disappeared almost instantly. Not sure what that was all about.

"Yeah, this guy Jax actually helped me last night; he had it towed there for me. I told you about this last night, don't you remember?" I asked calmly, feeling a twinge in my stomach. Short-term memory loss was one of the major side effects of her treatments. It wasn't uncommon for her not to remember small conversations we had. Every time it happened it made me think things were getting worse though.

"I remember, smartass." She replied quietly, pulling her blanket up further on herself.

"I forgot to ask you this last night, but do you know a guy named Deacon? He comes in the diner a lot, and he asked about you." I asked nonchalantly, as I placed my sunglasses on top of my head. My mother sucked in a deep breath and shook her head, as she started to randomly flip through the channels on the television.

"Doesn't ring a bell," she replied shortly, shrugging her shoulders. That was something she did when she wanted the conversation to be over. I knew I wasn't getting anything else from her. But, something felt off about this Deacon guy... I just couldn't put my finger on it.

"You sure, he seemed like he knew you. He said you guys were old friends. Did you go to high school with him or something?" I asked as I kneeled down to tie my shoelaces quickly. Lena was going to fucking murder me for taking so long. I'm surprised she even made it up this morning. I glanced at the clock on the wall. It was ten in the morning; I figured she'd still be passed out on some random guy's couch or better yet mattress.

"Not that I can recall; he must have been mistaken." My mother finally answered after a long silent pause.

"Okay, well maybe he was mistaken. I better get going or Lena's going to shit a brick." I replied laughing slightly, letting it go for now.

"I hate when you talk like that." she huffed. I stuck my tongue out at her as I headed towards the door and laughed.

* * *

 _I'm holdin' on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground._

 _And I'm hearin' what you say, but I just can't make a sound._

 _You tell me that you need me, and then you go and cut me down._

 _But wait, you tell me that you're sorry, didn't think I'd turn around, and say... It's too late to apologize..._

A _OneRepublic_ song blared out of the open windows to Lena's car as I got in. She was primping herself in the rear view mirror, applying a light shade of pink lip gloss to her full set of lips. Her sunglasses hid the bags under her eyes from the hangover I'm sure she had. She ran a hand through her reddish brown hair as I put my seat belt on and glanced at her.

"It took you long enough. My grandmother's eighty years old and she moves faster than you." Lena huffed, putting the car in drive and stepping on the gas hard. I clutched the side of the leather seat and prayed we'd make it there in one piece.

"Every time I ride with you, I swear I am never doing it again." I laughed out, as she pulled out of the hospital parking lot and headed down the road, following the speed limit for once. She stuck her tongue out at me and smirked.

"How was the party in Lodi?" I asked making small talk, feeling the warmth of the sun beat on my arm resting in the window as we went down the road.

"It was alright, not as fun as it would have been if you were with me!" She pouted, as we stopped at a red light. Lena and I were inseparable in high school. We were stuck together like glue it seemed. She was my other half. We did everything together, until she started hooking up with guys and going to parties and I didn't. I wasn't comfortable with random one night stands that meant nothing. I didn't hold it against Lena though. We drifted apart for a while, but when I really needed someone after my mom got sick, she was there.

"Yeah, well I don't have that luxury right now, Lena." I snapped at her, harsher than I wanted too. She meant well, which made me feel like shit for snapping at her like I had. "I'm sorry," I whispered, running my hand down the side of my face.

"My mom's already pushing me away. She thinks that I'll have nothing when she dies, and she doesn't want that for me. It's just hard to be happy and perky when you know someone you love is dying." I tried to explain, knowing I didn't have too. She looked at me out of the corner of her eye and touched my shoulder. "It's okay; I know it's been tough. Your mom loves you and wants you to keep moving forward, that's all."

"I can't believe Jax gave you a ride to the hospital last night. Oh my god, what was it like to wrap your arms around him on that bike?" Lena squealed, making me laugh. We could go from having a completely serious conversation to talking about something so stupid in the blink of an eye.

"It wasn't bad, I'll admit that much. He seems really nice." I told her, as we pulled up in front of Teller-Morrow Automotive.

The black wrought iron gates that lined the front of the lot were unlocked and opened allowing us to pull onto the lot. Motorcycles lined the grungy concrete building to the left. The black metallic paint on the bikes glistened in the sun as they sat there waiting to be rode. Someone had painted in bold black lettering on the side of the building, "SONS OF ANARCHY MEN OF MAYEM." A Grim Reaper holding a crystal ball with the Anarchist circle-A symbol, wielding the Reaper's traditional scythe, the handle of which was replaced with an M16 Rifle was painted in between the words. It was actually pretty beautiful to look at. It was the same symbol on the back of Jax's cut, and all the other guy's cuts that came into the diner.

Lena pulled into a parking spot and shut off her broken down Dodge Neon. I got out of the car and was immediately greeted by two large black and brown Doberman Pinchers. They barked and howled at me as I walked towards the back of Lena's car. Their whole bodies wiggled as they wagged their tails and barked at me more and more. I knelt down as I heard Lena getting out of her car, "Come here boy, it's okay." I said calmly, extending my hand out for the dog to sniff. Both dogs whimpered and moved towards me to be petted. I always wanted a dog of my own, but my mom was allergic to them.

"Some watch dogs, huh?" I heard a gruff voice say, causing me to look up. Jax stood a few feet away from me wearing a light grey button up shirt, with the Teller-Morrow Auto logo across the right side of his chest. The dogs immediately ran to him and swarmed around his legs as I got to my feet.

"Very ferocious." I laughed out slightly, as Lena stood beside me eyeing Jax up and down.

"Hey, Half-Sac! Come put the dogs in the back, man!" Jax hollered towards the three bay garage where he'd undoubtedly come from. His face had light streaks of black grease on it and his arms were covered as well. His sandy blonde hair was hidden beneath a black ball cap. I watched conspicuously as he wiped his hands off on a red rag, before shoving it into his back pocket.

A tall skinny string bean of a guy with messy dirty blonde hair came walking out from the first bay in the garage. He wore a leather cut that had the tag, 'prospect' etched onto the front. I remembered Jax mentioning him last night and laughed at the name in my mind.

"What am I fucking Ceaser Millan? Why do we even have these idiots anyway?" He griped, patting his leg so the dogs would come. I laughed when they circled around Lena and I, completely ignoring the guy Half-Sac. I reached down and scratched the dog's ears. "Who's a good doggie." I whispered, patting it's side.

"They're here to protect the property, now get it done, grunt." Jax ordered, as Half-Sac approached us.

He smiled and reached down and hooked a finger in each dogs collar.

"I'm sorry," I half laughed, "but, I have to ask. Where did you get that name? Half-Sac?" I finished asking, letting my curiosity get the better of me, which in most cases was never a good thing. It usually ended up getting me in a shit ton of trouble.

"Oh, man, I got my left nut blown off by an aper frag in Iraq." Half-Sac said as he released the dogs and began to unzip his pants to show us. I placed my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing, while Lena slid her sunglasses down on the bridge of her nose to get a better look.

"Any excuse for you to whip that thing out, get back to work dumbass." Jax ordered trying to keep a straight face, stopping him from exposing himself to us. He shoved Half-Sac and laughed as he looked at me. Half-Sac shrugged and ran off towards the garage, the dogs nipping at his heels. He was like a big human chew toy.

"Well, at least he's proud of it." I laughed out; Jax chuckled and gestured for me to follow him up towards the garage. Lena hung back texting someone on her phone. The sound of machine tools filled my ears as men worked on cars in the garage. The smell of gasoline and grease filled my nostrils the closer we got to the shop.

"Don't mind him. Half-Sac's new; he's still learning the ropes." Jax explained, glancing at me over his shoulder.

"Yeah, I can see that. It's probably not good for business if he goes around exposing himself to customers." I replied, holding back a laugh. Jax lowered his head and cocked it to the side giving me a small smirk.

"Probably not," He agreed quickly, walking over and hitting a lever on the lift to lower what looked like to be my car.

"I went ahead and put in a new battery and changed out the starter plugs, they were stripped. When's the last time you changed the oil in this thing?" Jax questioned raising an eyebrow at me as the tires on the car touched the grease stained concrete floor.

"Probably when I bought it," I replied sheepishly, I didn't take care of my car at all. The backseat was full of trash and old bags of clothes were I'd been too tired to take them home. Old McDonalds, Pizza Hut and Subway wrappers lined the front floor board on the passenger side.

"You know what they say, dirtier the car, prettier the girl." A man said as he approached my side looking into the back of my car, his jet black wire like hair flying every which way. He patted Jax on the shoulder and gave me the one over, making me feel a little self-conscious. Jax peered into the back of my dirty car and smirked up at me.

"Well, they weren't lying, Tig." He replied, before turning his attention to the clipboard lying on a stand next to the car lift. I felt my cheeks flush with heat as I turned around and waited for Jax to finish up with my car. Lena had found her way inside the garage and slung her arm over my shoulder.

"Now this is where we should be working." Lena whispered into my ear, taking in all of the guys working on cars and trucks. I shook my head and laughed at her.

"I saw a help wanted sign over in the office. You should apply here. Bring in some extra cash, help pay off your moms medical bills, and look at that every day." Lena said discreetly gesturing towards Jax. I elbowed her in the ribs.

I heard the rumble and roar of motorcycles coming onto the lot causing me to turn my head and look at them all pouring in. The group of bikers was so large. It looked like the kind of thing you'd see at bike week in Daytona.

"You looking for another job?" Jax questioned as he looked up from the clipboard in his hands.

"Actually, she is!" Lena cooed, while I shot daggers at her. "You all still hiring?"

"Follow me; we'll get your keys. My mom, Gemma, put the sign up a few weeks ago, she could use some help in the office. You'll have to talk to her about it." Jax explained as I followed him through the garage into a tiny cubicle office that looked like it would be good for giving someone with claustrophobia a hard time. A small tattered patchwork sofa lined the door by the wall, followed by a bunch of metal filing cabinets.

An older woman with an aging face glanced at us as we walked into the office. "Hey, baby. You need something?" She said giving him a warm motherly smile, referring to Jax. Her long black hair was pulled to one side of her face, exposing her chest and cleavage. A long prominent scar sat nestled between her breasts. I looked away not wanting to be rude.

"The keys to the '68 Fastback." He told her, handing her the clipboard he'd carried in.

"You the owner?" Gemma asked, looking at me skeptically as she searched the desk for the keys to my car. I nodded my head, and accepted the keys from her. Feeling my phone buzz in my pocket, a shot of worry coursed through me as I pulled it out thinking it might be the hospital, only to see that it was the landlord Jerry... I shoved my phone back in my pocket and sighed to myself.

"My friend here was wondering if you were still hiring?" Lena piped up, pointing to the 'help wanted' sign taped to the front of the open office door. I felt my phone buzz in my pocket again and pulled it out to see the name Jerry flashing across the screen again. I sighed and hit the ignore button. He was calling again because he wanted rent like yesterday. He was getting on my last god damn nerve.

"Can your friend speak or is she mute?" Gemma asked cocking her head to the side, looking directly at me. I scoffed at her abrupt forwardness and stepped forward slightly, really not in the mood to take any shit from anyone else.

"Yeah, I can speak. I read and write too. Real triple threat here. If you're still looking for someone I'd like to fill out an application." I shot back at her, slipping the keys into my pocket. Jax cupped his hands around the cigarette he was trying to light and glared at his mother then looked at me, his face softening ever so slightly.

"You know how to run a computer and answer a phone?" She inquired crossing her arms over her chest.

"Of course," I replied back cockily, giving her a curt smile.

"You just filled out your application." She retorted sharply. "I've seen you at Franny's. You're the little blonde bimbo waitress that always screws up the damn coffee." Gemma said arching her perfect eyebrows at me. She didn't like me for some reason, and I didn't like her already. Her snappy attitude was the last thing I wanted to tolerate today.

"That'd be me, hope making coffee's not a job requirement." I said shrugging my shoulders. "Mom, easy." Jax said as he finished up his cigarette.

"These good ole boys around here would drink piss if a pretty girl served it to em'. I'll give you a shot, whenever you're not at that dinky diner your ass is here. Got it?" Gemma declared picking her leather purse up off the ground and slinging it over her shoulder. She placed her sunglasses on top of her head, and walked towards me. She was fucking taller than me by at least a foot. I wasn't going to lie, I felt intimidated, but I didn't want her to know that.

The phone on the desk began ringing off the hook causing me to glance at it.

"You better get that, darling. It won't answer itself." Gemma snapped, eyeing the phone.

I was confused as to what I was supposed to do. I guess I was starting today. I picked up the phone, "Teller-Morrow Automotive." I answered unsure of what to say, glaring at Gemma as she stood in the doorway to the office.

I wrote down what the man on the phone said and hung up. Jax smirked at me as he rubbed his chin blowing smoke out of his nostrils.

"If you haven't fucked up too much by the time I get back from my nail appointment, we'll talk about a permanent position." Gemma said to me as she nodded her head to me before walking out of the office. What the hell am I supposed to do?

"Well, looks like my work here is done." Lena said backing out of the office. I was going to kill her with my bare hands the next time I saw her. She winked and held her fingers up to her ear, mimicking holding a cell phone and mouthed, 'call me later.'

I stood behind the desk and looked at the hurricane of papers covering it and then glanced at Jax as he stood beside me. I half laughed and half wanted to run away. But, I didn't. I wasn't sure if this was a good fit for me, but really couldn't complain.

"What just happened?" I asked incredulously, trying to figure out what the hell to do now. I looked at Jax, my eyes wide as saucers.

Obviously I could answer a phone and take messages, but was there anything else important I needed to know? I guess I'd just be winging it as usual.

"You just bantered with the Queen of SAMCRO." Jax smirked seemingly impressed. Something told me he wasn't kidding when he said Queen of SAMCRO. It seemed like she ran things around here.

"I guess I can check that off my bucket list." I replied teasing, smirking back at him. I felt oddly comfortable talking to him when we were alone, which was weird for me. Something about his laid back presence was calming and made me feel at ease slightly.

"Looks like I'll be seeing more of you then. Now I can stop coming into the diner with Deacon and buying your shitty coffee just to look at you." Jax went on standing incredibly close to my side. I could feel his warmth radiating on to my arm. Is he flirting with me? My mind swelled as I glanced down for a second. I was never good at reading guys.

"I guess so..." I answered innocently, "I mean unless your mother fires me." I told him, looking at him.

"If she didn't like you, she wouldn't have hired you just now. You'll do fine, darling. Let me have your keys so I can pull your car out of the garage." Jax said, holding his hand out to me. I dug through my pocket and pulled out the keys and a few crumpled bills all adding up to about $33.00 dollars and handed it to Jax. "This is all I have. I really appreciate what you've done for me, truly. I really don't understand why you want to help me so much."

"I don't want your money, darling. It's called being nice, you know some people still are nice in this shitty world." Jax said pushing the crumpled bills back into my hand and closing my fingers around them. I felt a tingling sensation on my skin where our fingers had brushed against each other, and pulled my hand back startled, wondering if he felt it too... If he did, he didn't let it be known.

"You can work it off here." He grinned mischievously, "Or some other way." He insinuated as I rolled my eyes and scoffed. He was kidding, right? Or was that why he was doing all this? Just to get in my pants like every other guy.

Jax walked backwards towards the door straightening out the brim of his hat. I flipped him the finger before he turned around and grinned; he chuckled and then turned on his heel heading back out into the garage.

My head swarmed as I slumped down into the chair behind the desk taking in the ancient desktop computer and the stacks of folders lining the floor underneath the desk. I have no idea what the hell I'm supposed to do. The phone rang and I placed my hand on it, thinking this was crazy, and picked it up, "Teller-Morrow Automotive." I said... But, I did need the money so I was grateful to be given the chance...Plus, the company wasn't so bad I thought glancing out the door at Jax sitting in my car...


	4. Chapter 4: True Lies

**Chapter 4: True Lies**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

After Gemma and Lena high tailed it out of Teller-Morrow, leaving me on my own, Jax was kind enough to give me the rundown of what I was expected to do in the office. He patiently showed me how to schedule appointments on the computer and how to input customer information into the computer as well.

Once he was finished semi training me he went back out into the garage to work on his lot of cars. The adjoining door to the office and garage was propped open giving me a full view of Jax and the guys working on cars out in the bay garage. I'd spent the remainder of my day at Teller-Morrow answering the phones and inputting invoices into the computer whenever one of the guys would bring one in. I met a burly guy named Bobby, who reminded me of the lion from the Wizard of Oz with his long beard and frizzy hair. I'd also met a younger guy named Juice, who had tattoos all over his shaved head. I couldn't imagine how much that hurt. I was too chicken shit to get my ears pierced until I turned thirteen. Lena had done it for me, you know with the whole potato and safety pin thing. Which was a horrible mistake, because the holes were uneven and the left ear got severely infected.

Every once in a while I found myself staring at him from behind the desk. He worked quietly by himself and seemed like he really enjoyed what he was doing. The muscles in his arms flexed and tightened with each move he made as he removed a battery from a Honda Civic. A light layer of sweat ran down his arms making them glisten in the evening sunlight.

I had my elbow resting on the edge of the metal desk holding my head up as I discreetly watched him from afar. It startled me when he turned and looked directly at me from across the bay. His lips pulled up into a tiny smirk as our eyes locked and I felt my head jerk away back to the computer and reached for the mouse knocking over a bottle of Pepsi I'd bought out of the vending machine.

"Shit..." I mouthed to myself as the brown liquid soaked onto the desk calendar, picking up the bottle and then hurrying over to the tiny counter on the opposite wall and searching for some napkins or something to clean the spill up with. What the hell is wrong with you, Rowan? God, he saw me staring at him. I felt mortified and wanted to hide under the desk, but I sucked it up and cleaned up my mess.

As I turned around to throw the damp napkins in the trashcan underneath the counter I came face to face with Deacon. He stood in the doorway fiddling with the chain dangling from the side of his denim jeans, holding a clipboard in the other. I tossed the napkins in the trash and glanced at him. "Here you go, darling." He said extending the clipboard out for me to take.

"Thanks, I'll get this put into the computer." I replied, accepting the clipboard. He nodded his head and lingered in the office. He wore a cut like the other men that came in and out of the bar adjoining the Teller-Morrow lot. He wore a patch that read 'Sergeant in Arms' like the guy Tig who I'd met earlier.

"I heard Gemma is giving you a trial run today? You must have impressed her or she'd a never left you alone in the office." Deacon said gruffly, as he leaned into the door jamb crossing his arms over his chest. He fingered the dark greyish beard he sported and stared at the floor for a moment waiting for me to reply.

"Apparently I did something right," I laughed lightly, brushing a piece of blonde hair behind my ear that had fallen out of my messy bun. In all honesty Gemma seemed like a real bitch. Although, I didn't know her, so I could have just caught her on a bad or off day. She definitely needed to work on her communication skills that was for damn sure.

My mother taught me never to take out my anger on other people, but sometimes it was hard not to. She said that no matter how bad or horrible you feel on the inside you should always try and be nice and polite to everyone around you. Sometimes I thought that was a load of horse shit, but I tried my best to remember what she'd told me.

"It'll be good having you around here, as long as the fella's don't get too distracted having a pretty little thing like you working in the office. If anyone gives you a hard time here, just let me know." Deacon told me as he got ready to walk out of the office. He had such a friendly demeanor about him.

"Thanks, I will. You know I asked my mother about you and she had a hard time remembering you. How do you know her? Besides being just an old friend?" I asked quickly, catching him before he stalked off out the door. I sat the clipboard down on the desk and waited for him to reply. He stood frozen with his back to me for a moment before turning on his heel to face me. I felt a small twinge when he looked at me, like I had known him longer than I have.

"Oh, wow." He breathed out, rubbing his chin. "I met your mother damn near twenty some years ago. We ran with the same crowd for a while, but we lost touch after a bit..." He replied hesitantly, avoiding making any form of eye contact with me. It felt like he was lying to me, but I didn't understand why?

"I'm sure she'd be happy to see you, you should come by the hospital sometime and say hello." I offered innocently, feeling him out. He gave me a warm smile and nodded his head contemplating my offer in his mind.

"I might take you up on that one day..."Deacon replied shortly, before leaving me alone in the office once again. I scratched my forehead and turned my attention back to the computer.

I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and called my mother to check in, but got no answer. I checked the time on my phone, 5:45pm it read. She was probably asleep already. The nurses usually give her a sedative for the discomfort around 4:30pm and it usually knocks her out by now.

* * *

Gemma pulled up in her Cadillac about an hour after my awkward conversation with Deacon. She came strutting back into the office and slammed her purse down on the desk as I looked up at her startled. I stood up and chewed my lip as she accessed the office. "Well, you didn't burn the place down. I guess that's a good thing." She said sarcastically, removing her sunglasses and taking a pack of smokes out of her purse. I watched as she lit one and offered me the pack. I held my hand up dismissing them. I didn't smoke cigarettes. I tried them when Lena started a few years back, and didn't like them. Now, I was never one to turn down a nice joint.

"Jax showed me the ropes; I hope I didn't screw up too much." I replied straightening out a stack of invoices on the desk. Gemma blew smoke in my direction as she inspected her freshly done nails seemingly unimpressed that I had held down the office with no prior instruction other than the few tips Jax gave me.

"I'll talk things over with my husband Clay tonight and we'll get you on the payroll, if it's what you want." Gemma stated arching an eyebrow at me. Between Franny's Diner and Teller-Morrow there weren't many other options for employment in this backwater town that paid worth a damn.

If I had been able to finish nursing school I would be fine working at St. Thomas, but that got put on hold when my mother got sick. It would take me another year at least to get through school and then clinicals were a whole other story entirely. This was the best option for me right now. I hated feeling like such a failure at twenty three years old. When I was in high school I had so many dreams and plans of what I wanted to do with my life. I wanted to leave the charmless little town of Charming and go to nursing school in New York and eventually get a job at Boston Medical in Massachusetts. That was the plan anyway, but plans always had a way of falling through and changing at the last minute.

"I really need the job. I swear I won't let you down." I answered her honestly.

"Of course you won't, baby. Go on home for the night, I'll see you here tomorrow by nine in the morning." Gemma replied giving me a half ass smirk. I nodded my head and sidestepped by her mumbling a thank you as I went.

* * *

I stepped outside into the fading evening sun and headed for my car. Jax had parked it away from the garage so they could get other cars inside. The seasonably warm breeze felt nice as it ebbed and flowed around me blowing stray pieces of my hair all around. I fished my keys out of my pocket and unlocked the door to my car. Before I climbed in I heard the roaring sound of a few motorcycles coming to life across the lot and watched as the men riding them filed out the front gates in a hurry.

"This really doesn't seem like your kind of scene..." Jax called out, causing me to look over my shoulder at him. I felt my cheeks flush with heat remembering he caught me staring at him earlier and turned on my heel to face him as he stood at the back of my car. He lit a cigarette and pulled the smoke deep into his lungs, blowing the remainder of it out his nostrils.

"What do you think my kind of scene would be?" I challenged him, crossing my arms over my chest playing with the keys in my hand. Jax leaned against the side of my car and smirked taking another drag off of his cigarette.

"You look more like the type of girl that wouldn't be within ten feet of a place like this. The cute sorority girl, that has sleepovers and pillow fights in their underwear. But, yet now you're working here." He replied cocking his head to the side and fixing the collar of his cut. He'd changed out of his working clothes and looked like he was about to head out for the night. The tiny plastic bag in his hand rattled as the wind blew, causing him to sit it on the top of my trunk.

"Don't you know you're not supposed to judge a book by its cover?" I told him walking closer towards him slightly. He chuckled and bit his bottom lip shaking his head contemplating what I'd said.

"That stereotype is completely wrong by the way. We don't wear underwear while were having pillow fights." I smirked and leaned against the side of my car keeping a good foot between us. Jax choked on the smoke he'd inhaled and glanced at me, a funny look on his face.

"You almost got me." He laughed, catching on to my sarcasm and humor. I laughed and smiled at him as he stared at me for a moment longer than he really needed too.

"I got you, I did." I laughed, as a huge gust of wind knocked the bag he'd placed on the trunk of my car onto the ground spilling out the contents. Out of reflex I reached down at the same time he did to retrieve the items only to see a pack of large condoms and a little kid's book titled 'No David, No!'

"I'm not sure I even want to know," I said, letting my voice trail off. Jax saw the look of shock on my face and laughed shoving the stuff back in the bag.

"It's not what it looks like, trust me." He laughed as we both straightened up. "It's for my kid, the book, not the condoms." He reassured me. I didn't know he had a kid, which meant he was probably with someone, hence the box of large condoms.

"I didn't know you had a kid..." I said, surprised. I pictured him holding a small child in his arms and smiled on the inside at the sight of it. Guys with babies or kids were really cute.

"I don't actually have him yet, my ex-wife Wendy is due in a couple more weeks." He explained as I noticed Gemma standing in the doorway to the office watching us.

"Congratulations... I bet your excited." I smiled as he nodded his head.

"Yeah, I am." He smirked, "You want to come inside the clubhouse for a beer?" He offered glancing at me as our shoulders brushed against each other. I shifted so we weren't touching anymore and found myself really wanting to talk to him more, but knew I need to get going. I sighed and opened my car door slightly.

"I really need to get to the hospital and check on my mom, can I get a raincheck?" I questioned giving him a small innocent smile.

"Definitely," he said, squeezing my shoulder. My eyes fell to his hand on my shoulder and I felt the thudding of my heart inside my chest as it went into a full blown panic. Jax smirked like he knew what his touch was doing to me on the inside, but then he turned around and walked away...

I got in my car and slammed the door shut before letting my face fall into the steering wheel. You're an idiot, you're an idiot, you're an idiot, kept flashing in my mind like a bright neon sign hanging in a bar window...

* * *

It was seven by the time I made it back to the hospital. I was ready to collapse into my uncomfortable chair and go straight to sleep. I wondered down the hall to my mother's room and stopped short when I saw a tall man with the familiar 'Sons of Anarchy' patch wondering into her room. I crept closer to the doorway and hesitated before going inside. It was Deacon... I stood outside the door frozen as I tried to eavesdrop on what they were saying. My eyes flickered to the nurses at the nurse's station filling out their charts and answering phones. An older man with a cane made his way down the hall in a nightgown that hardly covered his butt... I peeked around the corner into the room to see Deacon sitting on the bed talking to my mother.

"We have to tell her, Becca. This should have happened years ago. It's her decision to make." Deacon insisted profusely. What the hell are they talking about? I felt stupid standing in the hall listening in, but I couldn't move. It felt like my feet were glued to the floor.

"No, we don't have to tell her anything. You made the choice now live with it." I heard my mother snap back aggressively. That's when it started to all click together in my mind, piece by piece slide into place as I formed an absurd assumption...it couldn't be though, he couldn't be...

The similarities in our appearance, the sloped nose and the blue eyes... How comfortable it felt to talk to him. All the times he's come into the diner... Deacon said earlier that he'd known my mother about twenty some years ago... I'm twenty one years old now and my mom said that she'd dated my father for a year or so on and off before she'd gotten pregnant... No fucking way I thought.

"She's working at Teller-Morrow now. One way or another she's going to find out. I think it should come from one of us before she starts snooping around on her own. If she's anything like you she's smart and she'll figure it out." Deacon said, trying to reason with my mother, the most unreasonable person in the world. I couldn't take it anymore; I needed to know what the hell they were talking about...

"Find out what on my own?" I asked quietly, pushing the door open as I made my way inside. My mother looked at me shocked as tears streamed down her sunken in cheeks. Deacon got to his feet and glanced at me and then my mother. "She looks just like you Becca..." He whispered as I felt tears welling in my eyes.

"Sweetheart, I wanted to tell you so many times. I just didn't know how..." My mother said hoarsely, trying to sit herself up in her bed more. I shook my head knowing already what was about to come out of her mouth. Deacon was my father...the father that left...the father that never wanted me...

"Go to hell..." I whispered as I backed out of the room slowly, I turned on my heel not wanting to hear her say it out loud. I ran down the hall as fast as I could, dodging past doctors and nurses the entire way. I couldn't breathe. It felt like I was being suffocated the more I tried to gasp for air. I made it all the way outside and to my car and collapsed on my knees in tears feeling nauseated as I sat there crying in the cool night air...


	5. Chapter 5: Legacy

_**A/N: Thank you so much for the follows and reviews and favorites! It means so much to me! I took a shot at writing from Deacons POV, so let me know if I should ever do that again! Lol. Some Jax and Rowan bonding time coming up real soon!**_

* * *

 **Chapter 5: Legacy**

 **Deacon's Point of View**

After the devastating revelation at the hospital I desperately needed a drink, and a strong one. I stood behind the bar inside the MC Clubhouse and poured myself a fourth glass of Bourbon, three fingers deep. The slight haze that I've come to know so well had formed behind my eyes indicating that I was indeed under the powerful influence of the alcohol. Twenty some years ago it seemed like the best thing for the kid I thought taking a long swig of the golden liquid and feeling it burn the entire way down.

I always knew the day would come when the truth would need to come out. I just never expected it to have taken as long as it had or for it to make me feel like this. I've watched my little girl grow up from afar all of these years. I used to see her in the park playing soccer on Sunday's and watch her from the large oak tree by the water fountains, keeping my distance. That was the deal Becca and I made, I would always keep my distance.

We were in no position to have a baby together. One day Becca and I were hot and heavy and the next she was throwing plates at the wall screaming for me to just die or leave her. She hated that I had begun deviling deeper into the club's business, but at the time I didn't have a choice. John needed me by his side to reign in Clay as much as we could. No matter how hard I tried to balance my home life and club responsibilities it was never good enough. I couldn't be two people. I couldn't be who Becca and our baby needed me to be. The violence of the club life circled us like vultures circling a dead carcass. It wasn't the right atmosphere to bring a small innocent child into, not then, and not now really.

Clay, John, Piney and I had begun creating a more profitable club by getting into the gun running business, per Clay's persistence, and Becca hated it. In all honesty I think she just hated me in general for always putting the club first, but she never understood the brotherhood we all shared. We had served in Vietnam together, witnessed things no man should witness, we've done things no man should ever have to do.

We agreed that it would be better if I stayed out of the baby's life to protect her from the violence and hardships the club bestowed upon every single one of us. It wasn't an easy decision to make, and still to this day I deeply regret it. Becca and I had an argument when she found out about being pregnant. She wanted me to leave Charming with her and the baby and never look back, start a life somewhere new. "It'll be a fresh start for both of us, baby." I remember her saying through the tears. But, I couldn't just uproot my life and turn my back on my brothers in a blink of an eye.

It was either Becca and the baby or my brothers and my club. John, Piney and I had worked so hard to build this place up, I couldn't just walk away from it knowing Clay was going to run it into the ground. It was too much of a risk. I was young and dumb and made all the wrong decisions at all the wrong times. Becca gave me an ultimatum...come with her and raise our child or walk away now and never be a part of her life at all.

We'd compromised that she would stay in Charming with the baby so I could still be close, but the baby would never know who I was or the lifestyle I led.

"You must have had a long day." Gemma announced as she walked into the clubhouse, letting the door shut behind her, gesturing towards the almost empty crystal tumbler in my hand.

I held my glass up to her as in saying cheers as she joined me at the bar. I fished a pack of smokes out of the pocket of my cut and lit up.

"It's been a long twenty years." I grumbled hastily, pouring her a glass of her own. She accepted it gratefully and took a long swig of it, eying me suspiciously.

"This have anything to do with the little bumbling blondie working in the office now?" Gemma asked skeptically picking up the bottle of Kentucky Bourbon, arching her eyebrows at me inquisitively. I rubbed my hand along my prickly beard and sighed as I slumped back into my bar stool.

"Blondie knows, Gem. She walked in on Becca and I talking at the hospital and a shit storm ensued." I said looking over at the queen of SAMCRO. I'd confided in Gemma a long time ago about the deal Becca and I made about the baby. She was like the mother hen to all the boys in the club, always there when you needed a shoulder to lean on or cry on. But, she would always run right back to Clay. Gemma wasn't the kind of old lady to to pull one over on her old man. She didn't have it in her, unless it benefited her.

"Did you expect it to go any other way?" Gemma half laughed, "I wouldn't hold my breath for a father's day card and I love you daddy anytime soon, I mean Jesus Christ Deacon. You've lied to her entire life." Gemma practically hissed in my ear. I was thankful the clubhouse was pretty vacant tonight, other than Tig passed out on the couch with some half naked Asian chick on top of him. I really didn't want the guys seeing me like this, broken and defeated.

"No shit," I replied gruffly.

"Well, you always knew she'd find her way here eventually, darling. It was only a matter of time. SAMCRO is in her blood as much as it's in yours. This is where she belongs, whether she likes it or not." Gemma said while she tried to light a cigarette, holding it between her lips.

"You tell her about the other thing?" Gemma questioned, snapping her lighter shut.

"It didn't exactly seem like the right time, Gem." I huffed back at her. When would it ever be the right time, for any of it?

"Deacon, you and John came up with this half cocked scheme, the girl has a right to know." Gemma pointed out sourly, "She is going to be a legacy here at SAMCRO. When you and Clay and John, may he rest in peace, founded this charter you made the stipulation that if something were ever to happen to you, she would be the first woman to take your place at the table. You and Clay fought tooth and nail with each other, but you got him to agree. Better she learn the truth now than when you're dead and gone, baby." Gemma reminded me...

"He only agreed because we set it in stone that the club would have to unanimously vote her in. Clay knew damn well no man would want some girl coming in and disrupting an all-boys club." I pointed out, remembering the deal we'd brokered.

John always knew his son Jackson would someday takeover this charter. We believed in something more for the club other than all the illegal bullshit Clay was forcing upon it. When John found out I was having a daughter he was adamant about having her become a part of something more here. John and I were building a club for our children, while Clay had built one for himself... Jax and Rowan, the formidable Prince and Princess of Charming, I scoffed at the idea of those two working together or worse being together. There's no way in hell I'd let my little girl get into it with any of these guys, no matter how much I loved them.

"Everything's gone to shit..." I mumbled frustrated at my mistakes and misdoings, stumbling out of the bar stool snatching the bourbon off the countertop as I went. I needed to crash for the night.

Gemma patted my back with one hand gently, finishing her drink with the other.

"Give her some time to process; wait for her to come to you." Gemma instructed me. Clay can think whatever he damn well pleases, but Gemma was the one who ran things around here whether he noticed it or not...

* * *

 **Rowan's Point of View**

* * *

I woke up the following morning parked outside of Teller-Morrow Automotive. I stared at the motorcycles parked outside of the MC Building. I read somewhere in a book or online once that the roar of a motorcycle can signal freedom-or trouble. I guess in my case the saying rang true.

I'd slept in my car not wanting to go home for fear of Jerry being there waiting for his rent check and I couldn't face my mother just yet, not after twenty three years of lies. I drove to Lena's around one in the morning and banged on the door viciously in tears, only for her to not even be home. I searched for the hide away key, but couldn't find it. Probably because she never put it back.

It didn't make sense to me. Deacon was my father? How did it even happen? I mean I know _how_ it happened, obviously. But, why did she think she needed to hide it from me for all these years? Was he such a bad person? Did he not want me? My mind felt hungover as the thoughts swirled around drunkenly and I hadn't even had a drop of alcohol, although right now sitting here parked on the curb, I'm seriously thinking about downing a bottle of raspberry vodka. I'd chewed off all of my fingernails through course of the night. I screamed and cried and then sat in silence watching the dead little town of Charming move through the night.

The clock on the dash read 9:13am. I should have already gone inside to start working in the office, but I felt paralyzed. There's no way I could work here, not having him around. I just needed to quit and find something else. I didn't want to see Deacon at all. I wasn't ready too. My eyes were red and puffy and my nose was pink around the edges from crying. I peered over my shoulder into the back seat of my car and dug around through one of my old bags of clothes and found a burnt orange and yellow plaid shirt and pulled it on over top of my white tank top. Customers had already begun bringing their vehicles in for the day and they just opened the gates a little less than an hour ago.

I got out of my car slamming the door shut behind me and walked into the local convenience store that I was parked in front of and bought a toothbrush and a travel size box of tooth paste. I was waiting in line to pay for my items staring at the checkered floor blankly listening to the news reporter on the TV hanging on the wall above the register. _In other news, a local warehouse was engulfed in flames late last night. The property was destroyed by the fires leaving nothing but rubble and ash in its wake; the authorities have yet to decide if they should rule this incident an arson or just another tragic accident here in Charming..._ I snorted at the news anchors comment. This whole town is a sad beautiful little tragedy. Or better yet maybe it's just my life that's the sad beautiful tragedy I thought.

After I paid for my items I walked back to my car and brushed my teeth quickly before taking a deep breath and walking onto the Teller-Morrow lot. A motorcycle rode past me as I slipped my hands into my pockets. I glanced up to see that it was Jax. He gave me a small nod of the head as he put his feet on the asphalt and backed his bike up next to all the others. I smiled softly, not really wanting to talk to anyone as I made my way towards the office. A tow truck sat in front of the garage with a Beamer hooked to the back of it. A deer's ass stuck out the front shattered windshield. How in the hell did that even happen I wondered. It looked terrible with all the blood caked onto the cracked windshield and hood of the silver car.

"Some days you're the Beamer and some days you're the goddamn deer." Jax spoke as he fell in step beside me removing his sunglasses taking in the gory scene in front of us. He smirked at me as I kept my hand over my eye blocking the sun. "Jesus Christ, that is disgusting. I'm glad I didn't eat anything this morning." I half laughed as I came closer towards the horrific after math of the wreck.

"Some dumbass creamed it up at the streams." A guy with a thick Irish accent said as he pulled levers on the side of the tow truck lowering the car to the ground slowly. I stopped walking and stared at the totaled car. I shook my head discreetly glancing around looking for Deacon. If I saw him now I could still make a break for it back to my car.

"He run into it, Chibbs? Or hit a tree while it was giving him head? " Jax chuckled glancing at me, before hopping over the chains hooked to the car to inspect the damage on the car. I guess the guy's name was Chibbs. As I walked around the car to head to the office I noticed the two scars along the edges of Chibbs face. They were right were his laugh lines should have been. He must have been cut or something. Maybe he was in the war, he looked old enough to maybe have gone to war.

Half-Sac stood beside him removing his work gloves. He smiled at me as he gave me a goofy wave shaking his hand out of the glove. "How you want me to get the damn thing out of here?" He asked, placing his hands on his knees and inspecting the deer's ass with great detail. It's white fluffy little tail was still stuck in the upright position.

Jax walked around to the side of the tow truck and opened one of the storage compartments on the side, pulling out a small chainsaw. Half-Sac's face fell when he realized what Jax wanted him to do. I didn't really see any other way to get the deer out of the windshield. "Oh, come on man." Half-Sac complained covering his nose with the crook of his arm. The stench from the dead deer was ungodly. It must have been baking in the sun the whole ride back to the shop. I swatted some flies away from my face as Jax shoved the chainsaw in Half-Sac's hands with a smirk.

"Just pretend it's "carve your own steak night," at sizzlers." Jax said laughing, taking in the look on poor Half-Sac's face. All the blood has run out of his face leaving him a pale shade of white. He looked like he was about to blow chunks all over the parking lot. I took a small step back just to be sure I wasn't in the line of fire.

"I don't eat meat, man. This is just wrong. Come on I'll clean the toilets, anything but this." Half-Sac practically begged. I stifled a laugh as he through his head back and stared at Jax. He looked like a little kid begging for a piece of candy before dinner.

"Figure it out, grunt." Jax replied hiding a devilish smirk. He reached inside his cut and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit up staring at the ground. I glanced towards the office to see the door propped open, with no one inside then scanned the lot for Gemma's car, but didn't see it, unless she drove something else.

"Do you know where I can find Gemma?" I asked approaching Jax's side. He gave me a sideways glance and blew smoke out of his nose and fiddled with the cigarette in between his fingers. Just then I saw her coming out of the MC Building.

"Looks like the Queens decided to grace us with her presence." Jax teased, blowing smoke into the air. Gemma looked a lot like my mother did before the cancer hit her. She definitely had the whole biker chic thing down pat, with her knee high leather riding boots, and rhinestone blouse with a belt buckle situated around her waist.

"Hey, baby boy." Gemma said sweetly as she kissed the side of Jax's cheek. I smiled and looked away. I guess he was a big momma's boy. I found it sort of cute in a way.

"You hear anything from my crazy ex-wife. I've been calling her, but she never picks up the goddamn phone." Jax questioned Gemma, clearly concerned about how his child was doing. He sighed and flicked his cigarette bud on to the scorching asphalt and stopped on it to put it out.

"That's because she knows it's you calling." Gemma snapped back matter-of-factly flicking ashes on to the ground with the twist of the wrist. I didn't want to seem like I was lurking on their conversation, but I needed to tell her I wouldn't be working here after all. I just couldn't handle being here. I felt like I wanted to vomit already just from standing near the rotting dear corpse and from the anxiousness of possibly seeing Deacon…my fucking father.

"She's supposed to be sending me the doctor bills, and I haven't seen one in weeks." Jax pointed out, a sensed a tiny hint of worry in his voice.

"I'll check on her when I'm out running errands." Gemma told him, patting his shoulder. He smirked and through his arm around her shoulder playfully. "Thanks grandma." He told her in a mocking tone.

"Asshole, don't forget to go by the storage unit later either. Hopefully you'll find something worth using in there." She mumbled as he laughed and headed off into the garage to start working for the day.

I stood there with my arms crossed over my chest feeling uncomfortable for the first time since I came here.

"Don't think I didn't notice you were late, blondie." Gemma said over her shoulder heading into the office. I sighed and followed after her. I just needed to get this over with and then I could flee. Where I don't know. But, I could go far away from here and from any chance of seeing Deacon and try and sort all of my emotions out.

"I'm sorry, I actually need to talk to you. I don't think me working here is really going to work out after all," I started to ramble as she sifted through a pile of papers on the desk beginning to sort them so they could be filed. Her eyes flickered to mine as she glared up at me.

"And why is that?" She blurted out, causing me to look away. "You too good to work here now?" She asked abruptly. I rolled my eyes at her assumption and stepped forward. Something about this woman gets under my skin and I don't know why. She's just, I don't want to say bitchy, but that's the best word to describe her attitude.

"No, not at all." I started to say sternly, when she cut me off. "Even if you wanted to quit I would still need you to stay on until I found a replacement." Gemma informed me opening a file cabinet. The drawer stuck causing her to kick it with her foot to get it to open. Fuck… I wanted to kill Lena for even opening her big fat mouth and getting me this job to begin with.

"That's fine, I'm really sorry I can't keep the job." I replied quietly, feeling slightly bad for going back on my word. Gemma brushed some hair behind her ear and looked up at me. It felt like she was looking right through me and I didn't like it at all.

She kept studying my face, making me feel uncomfortable.

"Your eyes are puffy and your hairs pulled back, which tells me you've either been crying all night or out on a bender. Who broke your heart baby girl?." Gemma observed, making me feel self consciousness. I really hated this woman and I didn't even know her. I scoffed and took a seat behind the desk. "You've got me all figured out don't you?" I snapped back sarcastically at her, turning the computer on.

"No offense, but I don't know you. I really don't want to talk about my personal problems." I told her after a moment of silence. She cocked her head to the side and smirked like she knew something I didn't, but let it go.

"You think you can manage while I'm out?" Gemma snapped handing me a stack of folders to be filed. I slumped my shoulders and moved towards the file cabinets without a word watching Gemma leave out of the corner of my eye. I leaned forward and hit my head on the side of the file cabinet before slumping down in my chair…

Thankfully I had made it till noon and still no sign of Deacon. Part of me wondered where he was while the other part of me didn't care. Why should I care about him when he didn't care about me for Twenty three years. My phone buzzed in my pocket causing me to pull it out, it was the number to the hospital. I felt a small twinge of fear wash over me as I held the phone in my hand. I haven't talked to my mother today. What if something happened to her? Hesitantly, I hit the send button and held the phone up to my ear…

"Sweetheart, please come back so we can talk about this. I've been so worried about you all night." Her sweet voice said, as I felt the tears welling in my eyes. I breathed into the phone and then hung it up quickly frustrated. I clutched the phone tightly as anger coursed through me. I didn't know how to feel about any of what I'd learned. If I hadn't walked in on them talking would she have ever told me? Or would I have gone all my life not knowing?

In a moment of pure anger I flung my phone across the room hitting the door jam, near Jax's face. "Jesus Christ, what the hell are you doing." He half asked confused, picking up the broken pieces of my phone.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry. That wasn't aimed for you. I don't what that was. Are you okay?." I rambled embarrassed yet again.. I covered my hand over my mouth and stood up shaking my head. Someone could just shoot me now and that would be great. Jax looked at me worried as he stepped forward.

"It's alright, but are you okay?" He asked, walking towards me with his hands up in mock surrender, as in saying he meant no harm. I felt slightly relieved he was trying to be funny. It made me feel like less of an ass.

"It's a long story," I sighed, accepting the broken pieces of my phone that he handed me. He nodded his head but didn't press for any details. For that I was grateful.

"I was coming in here to tell you I found a way for you to repay me for all the work I did to your car, but then you tried to decapitate me." He explained with a grin. I laughed and tossed my phone in the trash can by the desk feeling the heat rushing to my cheeks. God, he probably thinks I'm a crazy insane psycho. Maybe I am…

"What's that?" I asked quietly, wondering where this conversation was going.

"Well, my mom has a bunch of shit in storage, baby stuff. But, I don't really know what all a baby needs and I figured since you're a girl you might know more than me." He suggested, crossing his arms over his chest. He stared at me innocently and expectantly.

"What you see boobs and instantly think mommy?" I laughed out, as Juice walked into the office and handed me a clipboard.

"Pretty much," Jax joked, as he patted Juice on the shoulder on his way out. I smirked and started to look over the invoice he'd brought in.

"Gemma will be pissed if I leave the office I'm sure, she's already pissed I told her I can't keep the job.." I told him, giving him an apologetic look.

"Look, I'll handle my mother if she gives you shit for leaving the office. Half- Sac can take over. He's a little nauseated since his run in with Bambi in the windshield this morning." Jax tried to persuade me, he places his hands on the edge of the desk and leaned down looking at me with puppy dog eyes. My eyes flickered out into the garage landing on a familiar face. A face I didn't want to see….

"Umm, yeah sure why not. Let's just go now…" I mumbled grabbing his arm and pulling him out of the office quickly and away from Deacon. Jax smirked and let me drag him out of the office no questions asked.


	6. Chapter 6: Revelations

**Chapter 6: Revelations**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

We had to go to Red Rock Storage Units which was located on the other side of town. It only took about fifteen minutes to get there. That's all the time it takes to get from one end of Charming to the other. I'd read somewhere that you can boil an ostrich egg in fifteen minutes. For the life of me I don't know why anyone would want to eat an ostrich egg, but I know how long it takes to boil one. My mind is full of useless stupid random facts, when I find myself stressed and worrying about major issues in my life they tend to just pop up unexpectedly, I guess it's my minds way of trying to get myself to relax. It's a weird habit of mine.

Jax and I had ducked out of Teller-Morrow in his grey truck before Deacon had even spotted us. The fifteen minute drive across town had been a quiet one. Jax turned the radio on a rock station to fill the silence between us. It wasn't like an awkward silence, but more of a comfortable silence that I found calming. He didn't have to talk nonstop like some guy's I used to hang out with and I really liked that. It was strange in a way though; how comfortable I was around this handsome blonde haired blue eyed boy, whom I hardly even knew. Jax was comfortable with just being.

I noticed some CD's lying in the floorboard by my feet and reached down and picked them up, wondering what his taste in music was like. I flipped through the plastic cases; Metallica, Breaking Benjamin, AC/DC, The Beatles, Seether. "Damn I'm impressed." I said aloud without thinking, glancing over at Jax in the driver seat.

"I aim to please, darling." He shot back with a grin. I felt my heart quicken ever so slightly when he looked at me and decided to put in one of the Beatles CD's. Blackbird came flitting softly out of the speakers in the truck putting a smile on my face, Jax looked over at me and smirked and arching his eyebrows at me and waiting for an explanation.

"I played this song on guitar for my high school talent show when I was like fifteen. It's one of my favorites." I told him honestly, he nodded his head in approval and pulled out his cigarettes and lit one up, cracking the window on his side of the car to release the smoke.

"You play guitar?" He asked, impressed.

"I used too, a long time ago. I had to sell my old Gibson. It was beautiful." I replied, as we turned at the greenlight.

"Deacon plays in the clubhouse sometimes, he's got like three of em' in his room." Jax informed me, making me feel nauseated. My mother was the least musical person I have ever met. She couldn't play or sing to save her life. I always wondered where I got some of my talent from. I guess now I know...

Jax glanced at me as I clammed up and turned my head looking out the window.

Red Rock Storage was one of the only storage unit places in Charming. The place was surrounded by tall wrought iron security fences. Jax drove through the gate; only stopping to punch in the four digit passcode at the entrance, then went around back towards the last row of tiny garage like units. I got out of the truck and followed Jax over towards the unit that was presumably his and watched as he unlocked the padlock on the handle listening to the sounds of traffic coming off the nearby highway.

"I doubt there's even anything worth using in here, but it's worth a shot. This is the MC storage unit. It's full of everyone's shit." Jax explained as he bent down slightly to lift the metal garage door to the unit up with the slightest of ease. We both swatted away clouds of dust as they flew out from under the door into our faces and coughed.

"So, since I'm helping you sift through all this shit, maybe I can pick your brain?" I asked nonchalantly as we stepped inside a little bit. Jax shrugged his shoulders and nodded his head.

"Your cut says 'Vice President,' vice president of what?" I questioned him, nudging a box with my foot causing an avalanche of trash bags full of whatever to fall from the mountain of boxes. I stepped out of the way, ultimately falling into Jax's side. He caught me effortlessly, wrapping a strong arm around my waist to keep me from falling backwards. I laughed and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear as he smirked and let go of me.

"Vice President of the motorcycle club, Clay my step-dad is the president. My real dad John founded the Sons with a few other guys." Jax started to explain to me, as I took in the boxes upon boxes of junk that sat stacked on top of each other inside on the concrete floor. Bicycles hung from the ceiling along with a few old kayaks. A few boxes were open revealing small kid's toys, teddy bears, and a plastic basketball hoop.

"What do you guys do? Like drink beer and play poker every Thursday night?" I asked skeptically. They didn't seem like that kind of club just from the way they all presented themselves. Jax laughed and shook his head like he knew something, but didn't say anything.

"It's a little more in depth than that, darling. We go on charity runs and raise money for shit, and help keep Charming safe, among other things." He revealed picking up an old light blue baby car seat. He yanked on the straps to make sure they weren't dry rotted and would still hold before placing it the bed of his truck.

"What others things?" I said intrigued, wanting to know more about the club, possibly more about Deacon. I picked up brown teddy bear and shook the dust out of it.

"I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you." Jax teased whispering in my ear as he walked past me. I rolled my eyes and tossed the teddy bear in my hands at him playfully. He caught it and eyed it before shaking his head dismissing it and throwing it back at me.

"What do I want with a teddy bear?" He shot out, removing his leather cut and letting it lay on top of a box. The air was humid today, making the small storage unit stuffy.

"Babies like cute cuddly things, Jax. You'll have to wash it in Draft first." I told him taking in his confused expression, "It's a laundry detergent specifically for babies. It's gentler on their skin, you'll have to wash the babies clothes in it too." I explained placing it in an empty box. We could fill it up with stuff and then carry it to the truck. It would save us a few extra trips.

"I'm way in over my head here." Jax sighed, picking up a plastic toy cop car and spinning the wheels repeatedly with his hand, glancing at me kneeling on the ground. I pulled out a small bag of baby books and placed them in the box as well. When I glanced up I noticed Jax was still staring at me.

"Why did you ask me to come with you here? You're mom knows what all you'll need, I'm sure." I said brushing a piece of hair behind my ear looking up at him. Jax sat down on a box and continued to play with the toy car in his hand like a five year old before he spotted an old style hunting rifle sitting in the corner.

"I like your smile, and you don't annoy me like my mother does." he admitted fiddling with the gun avoiding making eye contact with me, cocking it in place and then holding it up to look through the sights. I chewed on my lip and hid a small smirk from him.

"Give it time," I smirked. Was he flirting with me, or am I reading too much into it?

He set the gun down back in its rightful place before he picked up and old rock em' sock em' game.

"Oh my god, that is so old." I laughed out loud, getting to my feet and walking over to his side. He laughed and handed it to me to inspect and sat down pulling more useless junk off the top of a box that read, _John Misc._ Jax brushed the dust off the top of the box and lifted the lid as he sat down on an old cooler. I sat down next to him as he pulled out a handful off old photos.

"What happened to your real dad?" I asked quietly, wanting to know more about him and his family.

"He died not long after my younger brother Thomas died. A semi-truck hit him while he was on his bike, drug him 178 yards. He lived two more days after that then died." Jax told me solemnly, looking over the pictures in his hand. He handed me a picture of a guy leaning against a Harley with a long beard and long brown hair. Two other guys were in the picture with him.

"Jax, I'm so sorry. I didn't know..." I blurted out, feeling like an ass. That was crazy that he'd survived for two days after that...

"It's okay, I don't mind. It's refreshing to talk about him. My mom doesn't really like to mention him all that much, so I don't get to talk about him a lot." He said confiding in me, as I gazed at the picture focusing even more on the man to the left of Jax's father. He had the same short shaggy hair as Deacon does now. "Is that Deacon?" I asked quickly, staring intently at the photo.

"And Piney, Opie's father." Jax informed me, pointing to the man on John's right side. I felt my breathing begin to increase as I clutched the picture in my hand. My father was under my nose the entire time and I never even knew it. How stupid was I?

"What's wrong?" Jax questioned, looking at me concerned noticing the single tear that had escaped my eye. I brushed it away quickly and swallowed the lump in my throat. I looked at Jax and took in his warm caring gaze and knew I needed to talk to someone about all of this, but I didn't want to burden him with my family drama. It sounded like he had enough of it to deal with in his own family.

Jax squeezed my shoulder lightly, the warmth from his hand seeping through my cotton shirt in an instant causing my stomach to flutter. I was going to murder those butterflies or moths or whatever the hell they were if I had too. "What's going on?" He pressed again, looking at me sweetly.

"I found out some things about my father. I never knew who he was. My mom always told me he left before I was even born. Apparently, Deacon is my father..." I choked out, covering my hand over my mouth trying to stifle and hide the cry that worked its way out. I was an ugly crier, not a pretty sight.

"Are you shitting me?" Jax breathed out, as I placed my head in my hands. This was all too much to handle. I felt Jax place his hand on the upper part of my back and felt him rubbing circles in it with his thumb trying to make me feel better. I sat up and looked at him, quickly wiping the tears off of my face, not wanting him to see me like this.

"Jesus Christ..." Jax whispered out, "It makes sense now... all the times he's wanted to stop into the diner. He wasn't there for the coffee he was there checking up on you."

"Listen to me; it's going to be alright." Jax said quietly, still rubbing my back.

"How? How is this going to be alright?" I whispered looking away from him.

"Have you talked him about it?" Jax asked, brushing a small lock of hair behind my ear so he could see my face better, his fingers grazing my cheek leaving a tingling feeling on my skin.

"Hell no, I just found out last night. That's why I told your mom I quit. I can't be around him. Not yet. I don't even know how I feel about any of this. I thought my father left Charming, that he never wanted me." I ranted letting it all out. Jax nodded his head in understanding.

"I'm sure they had their reasons for not telling you, Rowan. The life we lead isn't exactly ideal. There are things about Deacon and the club that you don't fully understand." Jax explained shaking his head. I had no idea what he meant by that and wasn't sure I wanted to know what it meant in all honesty.

"You should talk to him..." Jax tried to persuade me again, placing his hand on my knee. I stared at it for a while wondering if he'd move it, but he didn't. I didn't want him too either. It felt nice having someone to vent too.

"What am I supposed to say, "Hey Deacon; how's the weather? By the way, why'd you lie to me for twenty one years?" I shot out sarcastically, causing Jax to chuckle slightly.

"Shooting me would be less painful. Please, take the rifle and pull the trigger." I said pointing towards the rifle situated in the corner. Jax laughed and lowered his head, then looked at me with those clear blue eyes and shook his head licking his bottom lip.

"I kind of like you, I think I'll keep you around a while." He informed me with a grin, picking up a binder, allowing a large yellow package to fall to the floor by my feet. I sniffled and picked up the package flipping it over in my hands. _John Teller 3-15-1993_ was written in black sharpie.

Jax stared at inquisitively as I handed it to him, "What is it?" I asked, as he ripped it open.

"No fucking clue..." He replied, eagerly pulling out a giant stack of papers.

"The life and death of SAMCRO. How the Sons of Anarchy lost their way. By John Teller." I read aloud, glancing at Jax. All the blood had drained from his face as he turned to the next page. It looked like a manuscript of some sort.

"For my sons, Thomas, who is already at peace. And Jackson, may he never know this life of chaos." Jax read aloud slowly, trying to figure out what the hell he had just stumbled across. This seemed like something really personal and I didn't want to impose on it, but when I went to get up to give him a minute he grabbed my hand. "You can stay," He said looking at me, with a painful expression on his face. I sat back down next to him and stared at his hand still locked in my own...


	7. Chapter 7: Trust

**Chapter 7: Trust**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

I sat with Jax while he tried to make sense of the packet of papers he'd found while searching through the boxes in the storage unit until he got a call saying he was needed back at Teller-Morrow. Jax had no idea what the manuscript was or what it meant, other than that his dead father had wrote it and left it behind for someone to find and make sense of. I could already tell this was something that was important to Jax, and how attached he already was too it by the way he immediately became engrossed in it.

I mean a huge piece of his father has just been dropped into his lap. I guess I know what he might be feeling right about now. I wanted to ask so many questions about what little bit he'd let me read over his shoulder, but it just didn't seem like the right time. I've realized there's a lot of stuff going on around here and in my own life that I don't fully understand. Maybe Jax was right, I should just suck it up and put on my big girl pants and face the truth head on and talk to Deacon and my mother. The thought of that makes me seriously want a joint. I'd rather live in denial for a bit longer, it's safer here.

Thankfully, Gemma's car wasn't on the lot when we got back which meant I wouldn't have to deal with her giving me a lecture for running off with Jax for two hours. I sat with Jax in his truck while it idled in the parking lot. He had his hand tightly gripping the steering wheel and the yellow envelope resting in his lap. "Are you okay, Jax?" I asked after he finally shut off the car. The keys dangled in the ignition.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Jax breathed out, pinching the bridge of his nose, lost in deep thought. Someone banged on the hood of the truck, causing me to jump slightly. "Let's go, Jackie boy, we got church." Chibbs hollered gesturing towards the MC building. Jax nodded his head and waved Chibbs off. I watched as he sauntered back inside the building. Church?

"I need you to do me a favor." Jax said urgently, touching my arm. I glanced down at his hand on my arm then let my eyes snap up to his blue ones. Damn, I could get lost in those eyes. This is the third time today we've had physical contact with each other, not that I'm counting or anything...

"Sure, what do you need?" I whispered innocently, studying his face, his expression was unreadable.

"I need you to hang on to this for me. Don't tell anyone we found it either. I want to know what the hell it is before I show it to anyone. I really need this to stay between us, please. Just for a little bit, until I can find a better place to keep it." Jax insisted sternly, still cradling my arm in his hand. He looked directly at me, almost as if he could see right through me.

"Jax, I won't tell anyone. You can trust me." I assured him as he handed me the package of papers. I held the package of papers tightly against my chest to hide the writing.

"For some reason I do trust you, I don't know why, but I do." Jax said finally letting go of my arm.

"I'll hide it in my car until I can take it home. No one will know I have it, I promise." I reassured him. Jax nodded his head and got out of the truck, so I did the same. The afternoon sun beat shined bright in the Northern California sky as the wind blew lightly rattling the few maple trees that lined the property between Teller-Morrow and the business next to it. Jax met me at the back of his truck and lit a cigarette.

"I'll catch up with you later, thank you." Jax whispered, leaning in and kissing me on the cheek. My heart felt like it literally stopped beating for the instant his lips brushed against my cheek. The smell of smoke, car grease and leather filled my nose as I breathed his scent in. Now that was a combination of smells I never thought I would enjoy.

"I'm sorry for having a mental breakdown on you earlier. I'm just in way over my head with all of this Deacon shit." I laughed out as he pulled away, trying to detract attention away from the heat rising to my cheeks. Jax chuckled and lowered his head glancing at me.

"Don't worry about it. I might not be the easiest person to talk too, but if you wanna talk about Deacon or anything really, I'm around." Jax told me, making me feel better about crying in front of him earlier. This has been an insane twenty four hours, that was for damn sure.

"Thank you..." I mouthed as he slowly backed away winking at me. Jax turned on his heel and headed for the clubhouse. It felt like my life has been flipped and turned sideways or like a world globe that's been spun, and now I'm waiting to see where it stops.

* * *

After placing Jax's father's manuscript in my car underneath a bunch of clothes inside an old gym bag I relieved Half-Sac of office duty and took a seat behind the desk, reaching over and firing up the computer. I wanted to know more about the Sons of Anarchy and all of its members, mainly just one in particular. Not really knowing where to start or what I might find, I decided to bring up Google and search Deacon's name. Shit, what the hell is his last name? My eyes darted around the office searching for anything that might have his last name on it. I skimmed over all the business cards hanging on the wall beside the desk and got nothing but the number for Pete's Pizza Place and Snap-On tools.

I spun around in the tattered desk chair letting my eyes land on the file cabinets lining the wall behind me. Deacon had given me a clipboard the other day with an invoice on it; all the invoices were signed by the employees. I jumped up out of the chair quickly and opened the file cabinet, kicking it when it stuck like Gemma had done. I rifled through the files until I found one with Deacons name written on it. Deacon Willhite. Huh, that's a unique last name I thought putting the file back carefully and returning to the desk. The phone rang and I answered it and took down a message for a parts estimate, then returned to Google.

I carefully typed Deacon Willhite into the search bar and held my breath as I hit search. My foot tapped anxiously as I scrolled through miscellaneous links that led nowhere, then I found one that read, Charming Police Department; Deacon Willhite. Immediately I clicked the link and watched as his mug shot loaded onto the screen. It listed his name, DOB, height, weight, and his arrest record. "Holy shit..." I whispered to myself as the wireless phone rang next to the computer screen. I reached for the phone and scrolled down...Arrests: 2 Breaking & Entering; 1Grand Theft; 4 Aggravated Assaults; what the hell...who is this guy?

The phone continued to ring in my hand as I got lost looking at the screen. "Hello, Teller-Morrow Automotive..." I said answering the phone, my eyes still glued to the screen.

"Yeah, I know sweetheart. This is Gemma, where the hell is Jax? I've been trying to reach him but he won't answer his goddamn phone." Gemma barked into the phone. I glanced out into the garage and saw a few guys working on a bike, but no Jax.

"I don't know he's not in the garage. He must be in the clubhouse." I told her wondering where Deacon had broken into and who he'd beaten up so severely.

"Well get your skinny little ass into the clubhouse and hand him the damn phone, this is an emergency. His crazy junkie whore of an ex-wife Wendy; is on her way to St. Thomas." Gemma growled into the phone, pissed off and in an unpleasant mood.

"Oh my god, is she okay?" I asked worried about his unborn baby. I got up and walked outside, jogging across the lot, dodging cars as they backed out of their parking spaces.

"Who knows stupid bitch probably overdosed on something." Gemma told me as I pushed the large grey metal door to the clubhouse open. As I walked inside I spotted a few girls standing by a fully stocked bar sipping on a few diet beers. I mentally gagged, if I'm drinking beer it's going to be the real shit. They wore skimpy outfits that shoved their breasts up and their asses out.

A tall blonde girl smirked at me and eyed me up and down, as in saying what the hell are you doing in here. I flipped her the middle finger and kept walking, in search of Jax or anyone.

"I don't see Jax anywhere. Just a bunch of girls..." I said looking past them over towards a few empty couches and sofas. A pool table was situated to the left of me. I'd never come in here before. The place had a smoky haze that lingered in the air. I kind of liked it. I noticed two large closed doubled doors and then rows of framed photographs hanging on the wall, they were all mug shots. I scoffed and smirked noticing Jax's at the very top, his hair was much longer. I let met eyes roam over each photo quickly, finding none other than Deacons...

"Tell those croweater whores to go back to the pole. Check the chapel, they're probably in there." Gemma hissed on the other end as I heard the sound of ambulance sirens ringing out rhythmically in the background. It sounded like she was either at St. Thomas or following the ambulance.

"Yeah, I'm not saying that." I snapped back, heading over to two large black leather tweed covered doors. I knocked on the door once and got no response, so I just pushed it open slowly. A group of men stared at me, Jax and Deacon included. They all sat around a long giant Maplewood table smoking, seemingly in a meeting. I felt like a deer in the headlights.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" A large guy sitting at the head of the table snapped out, harshly. He was the one that wore the president patch on his cut. I remember Jax telling me his name was Clay. He had short shaggy peppered hair and sort of reminded me of an ape from planet of the apes, only a little.

"Easy, Clay." Jax shot out looking at me with a softer tone. "What is it, darling?"

"Gemma's been trying to get ahold of you; apparently _Wendy_ is on her way to St. Thomas. You need to get there now. It sounds really bad, Jax." I said looking directly at Jax, avoiding Deacon at all costs.

"Jesus Christ," Jax hissed angrily, quickly getting to his feet.

I handed him the phone as he came out the door followed by Clay, Juice, Deacon, and a few other guys whose odd names I'd already gotten mixed up. Jax hung up the phone and tossed it onto the pool table burying his face in his hands trying to gather his thoughts.

"You're new, who the hell are you." A tall somewhat pretty blonde girl said behind me. I turned halfway and looked at her. She looked like a stripper and probably was one, with her tight leather crop top and daisy duke shorts.

"I saw you with Jax earlier, sweetheart, just so you know he's not exactly into little prim and proper bleached blondes with sticks up there asses." Is this bitch serious right now? I don't even know her and she sure as hell doesn't know me. The blonde walked in front of me while her two girlfriends stood behind me, boxing me in. Was this supposed to be intimidating? I scoffed, they were about as intimidating as the Clown outside of McDonald's.

"Oh sweetheart, I took the stick out a long time ago and I have no problem shoving it straight up your ass. I'm sure you don't have a problem with things being back there anyway." I snapped back at her with a shit eating grin on my face. I've hung around Lena way too much... Jax worked his way between me and the blonde and glared at the other girl.

"Come on, I need you with me." He whispered pulling me back; I felt his hand graze my hip as I continued to walk backwards watching as the croweaters jaw hit the floor. What the hell kind of nick name is that? A croweater?

"I didn't need you to rescue me!" I hissed through gritted teeth following him out of the clubhouse, although it felt like he was half dragging me.

"Darling, I wasn't rescuing you. I was rescuing her. Something tells me you could have probably kicked her ass." Jax grinned, making me roll my eyes at him. I have been known to get a little fired up now and again.

When I was ten I broke this girls nose on the playground at school because she kept running her mouth about Lena and her mom. Lena's mother wasn't always in the right frame of mind. She spent more time with a bottle in her mouth than she ever did when Lena was a baby and it only got worse as the years went on. This girl named Krissy saw Lena's mom drop her off at school one morning wearing a negligee and silk robe and fuzzy house slippers, her hair still in curlers. Krissy started a rumor about how Lena's mother was a drunk and had guys over every night. Even if the facts were true, Krissy had no right to make fun of Lena and her mother so that day during recess I clotheslined her as she came around the slide and punched her in the nose. It was a little hard to talk trash when you needed to keep your mouth open just to breath. Krissy never started a rumor again after that.

"I'm small, but mighty." I joked as I followed Jax and the other guys outside and watched as they all quickly saddled their bikes.

"Looks like we got a real whiskey fireball on our hands, boys." Chibbs said out loud causing all the guys to look at me and nod their heads in admiration. I clenched my jaw shut and turned to look at Jax as I felt an arm drape around my shoulders.

"You know I've been trying to come up with a nickname for you besides blondie and I think I found one," Tig announced as I glanced up at him.

"What's that? Fast little midget, shorty, I've heard them all." I half laughed, everyone made fun of my small size. I was short but I packed a mean punch. Just ask Krissy.

"Little firecracker, eh." Tig said cheerfully. I shoved his arm away from me playfully as he went to get on his bike dragging me along with him. Jax gestured for me to come over to his bike so I did. "What the hell was that back there?" He half laughed, as I rolled my eyes.

"Making friends..." I said sarcastically. He nodded his head and smirked at me putting on his riding gloves. His jaw was set, as the worry began to settle in about his son.

"I hope your son is okay." I said sincerely, as I went to turn to walk away I felt Jax grab my wrist stopping me. I turned and looked at him to see him holding out his helmet for me to take. I looked at him confused, not sure what he was doing.

"I meant what I said, I need you with me." Jax said as the other guys started up their bikes. The rumble of the engines running in sync with one another. Without thinking I took the helmet and put it on, getting on the back of his bike, wrapping my arms around his waist. I have no idea what the hell I am doing anymore…


	8. Chapter 8: Premature

_**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and follows and favorites! Next chapter will be longer!**_

 _ **Enjoy**_

 _ **XOXO**_

* * *

 **Chapter 8: Premature**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Gemma was pacing back and forth in the lobby when we arrived at St. Thomas. She immediately enveloped Jax in a warm embrace and eyed me suspiciously. I really didn't understand why Jax wanted me here with him. We hardly know each other, but I guess maybe that's the point. Maybe he wants to get to know me more, and I guess I wouldn't be opposed to getting to know him better if I'm being honest.

Clay, Chibbs, Bobby and Deacon followed along as Gemma walked us up to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit or the NICU as most people call it. The pediatric wing of the hospital was much brighter and cheerful than the oncology wing, with the beautiful paintings of safari animals on the walls. They were here so the sick kids wouldn't be surrounded by the depressing white lonely walls. I let my hand glide across the wall along a green vine as I walked beside Jax. I could feel Deacon's eyes boring into the back of my head as we went. I want to say something to him, anything, but I don't know what to say. It literally feels like a cat has my tongue right now.

"I found these matches next to a bunch of Wendy's empty dime bags." Gemma said as she handed over a small pack of matches to her husband Clay. He shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. I glanced at Jax to see him clenching his jaw shut, twisting his black riding gloves in his hands furiously as we continued down the hall. I couldn't imagine what he must be feeling right now.

Wendy sounds like she was pretty addicted to whatever she'd overdosed on. I don't care how addicted you are to something, how could she put her unborn child at risk like that? Did she not think? It's not right. The poor baby's probably going to have to go through withdraw when it's born.

"Shit, it's got to be the Nords, dealing out the Dog again." Clay grumbled as we all rounded a corner. I didn't really know what they were talking about, but it wasn't that hard to figure out. Obviously someone they knew had supplied Wendy with the drugs. What kind of moron sells drugs to a pregnant woman? I mean seriously? What is wrong with this world?

"Darby got out of Chino two weeks ago." Bobby announced from behind us.

"Well, call that Nazi prick and set a meeting." Clay snapped harshly, looking at Bobby over his shoulder.

Gemma led us down a few other hallways and stopped in front of the nurse's station in the NICU. A young wavy haired blonde woman could be seen lying unconscious in her hospital bed through the glass doors that led into her room. Her eyes were sort of swollen and had gigantic bags under them like she hadn't had a good night's sleep in weeks. Her face was sunken in, reminding me of my mother sort of. I assumed the pretty blonde girl must be Wendy.

I couldn't really believe Jax was married to her or anyone really, I mean he doesn't seem like the 'let's get hitched' type of guy.

A few nurses in mint scrubs checked her vitals and stats as they did their best to keep her comfortable. Jax lowered his head in disbelief when he looked into the room and shook his head heartbroken. I could tell even though they weren't together anymore that he still cared about her a lot and cared about their child.

I stood back off to the side not wanting to get in the way and leaned against the wall as one of the doctors came out of Wendy's room. Part of me wanted to reach out and touch Jax's hand and tell him it would all be okay, but it just didn't seem like it would be appropriate, that and I'm not that bold.

"What the hell happened?" Jax demanded hastily, anxiously spinning the rings on his fingers looking at the black haired nurse as she approached him. The lady was probably in her mid-thirties, early forties at best. Her hair was pulled up into a messy up do and she had a little too much make up on, she stared back at us with raccoon eyes.

"You must be the father. My name is Caroline; I'm assisting Dr. Namid with this case." Caroline said sternly, extending her hand out for Jax to shake. He shook her hand impatiently; I could tell he just wanted her to get straight to the point.

"When's the last time you saw her?" The nurse asked Jax giving him the one over along with the rest of us, crossing her arms over her chest. She was judging us all by the smug look that washed across her face.

Gemma moved so she was standing next to Jax and placed her hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him.

"I don't know it's been a couple of weeks at best. Wendy and I don't exactly get along..." Jax confessed as a muscle in his jaw flexed while he gritted his teeth.

"Her hands and feet were full of track marks. Toxicology reports aren't back yet, but most likely she overdosed on crank." Caroline said moving over to the nurse's station and reaching over the desk pulling out a chart and glancing over it as Jax through his head back reeling from the blow to his family.

"What happened to the baby?" Jax asked after a moment, as I stood next to him. Our hands were dangling quite close to one another; I could feel the hairs on his hand brushing against the hairs on my hand. I was very hyper aware of how close we were. I glanced down at how close we were to touching then let my eyes snap back up to look at the nurse. Don't touch his hand... Don't do it... I kept telling myself.

"Dr. Namid had to do an emergency C-Section, he's ten weeks premature." Caroline said as she started writing down something in the chart in her hand. For a nurse or doctor or whatever the hell she was she wasn't very focused on informing Jax of what was going on with his son and it was sort of pissing me off, I mean this is her job. She can't take a few minutes to explain all this? Is that too much for her to do? Bitch.

"Holy shit..." Jax breathed out as he ran his hand down the side of his face. I felt his hand bump into mine and then slowly our fingers intertwined with one another. My heart beat increased tremendously the instant his rough skin made contact with my soft skin. His hand was much bigger than my own, but somehow they fit together perfectly just like a puzzle piece connecting with another puzzle piece. His hand was warm, compared to my always cold ones.

"Do you think that can wait, and maybe you could finish explaining to us what's going on?" I finally snapped irritated to no end, immediately feeling every pair of eyes on me. Caroline turned around and gave me a small apologetic smirk brushing a piece of hair behind her ear.

"He's got a congenital heart defect and gastroschis a tear in his abdomen. The gastro and the early birth are from the drugs, but the CHD is probably…" The nurse Caroline started to explain, but was cut off by Gemma, "The family flaw." She said, reminding me of the long prominent scar on her chest. She must have had surgery to correct the CHD.

"Yes, it's genetic." Caroline said nodding her head in agreement.

"Either one would be serious, but not life-threatening. However, the two of them together gives him a 20 percent chance, and I'm afraid that's being optimistic." Caroline said as her face turned into a frown.

I squeezed Jax's hand involuntarily and felt him squeeze back in return. I watched as he closed his eyes momentarily, thinking about how he could possibly lose his son. This innocent little boy who has no idea what's going on could just vanquish as fast as he came into this cruel world. It's not fair.

"Wendy never wanted to talk to me, I had no idea things were this bad. This is my fault." Jax said solemnly, as Gemma rubbed his shoulder, in an attempt to comfort him. Although, right now I don't think anything could make him feel better.

"What's his name?" I blurted out glancing up at Jax wide eyed, trying to help keep him calm and his mind from going to a dark heart was breaking for this blue eyed blonde haired guy that I hardly knew and I wanted to help him and his son, but there was nothing I could do. I couldn't save his son and I couldn't save my mother either.

"Abel, his name _was_ going to be Abel." Jax said quietly, looking down at me.

"His name _is_ going to be Abel. It's a beautiful name." I told him, giving him the best smile I could muster up. I've always been a pessimist, but right now in this moment I wanted to believe that Abel would be alright. He had to be alright. Over the past few months everything I've been told has been bad news. I needed some good news.

"Dr. Namid wants to fix his belly first, then, if he stabilizes, he'll go in and try to repair the heart. I can take you to see him now if you'd like?" The nurse offered innocently, Jax waved it off and took a few steps backwards and leaned against the wall releasing my hand as he went. He looked up at Clay and Gemma and the others, his eyes glazed over almost like he were in some sort of trance. He's probably in shock, I remember when I heard the doctors tell me about my mother, I felt frozen, paralyzed. His fists were clenched at his sides as a tiny vein in the side of his neck became visible.

"Go with the nurse mom. I've got to go give a message to the prick that sold crank to a pregnant woman." Jax snapped harshly, clenching his jaw shut tightly and turning to head down the hall in a fit of rage.

How could he not want to see his son first? I looked around at everyone awkwardly before realizing what he was going to do. He was going to send the guy a message which meant he was going to kick his ass or worse. I've been around half drunk guys that get all torqued up and end up seriously injured because that wanted to prove they had balls. I didn't want to see anything happen to Jax.

I went to take off and go after him in a panic when I felt a hand wrap around my forearm, stopping me. I turned on my heel to see the hand belonged to Deacon. "I think it's best to let him go, darling."

"Don't, don't touch me, okay? You don't get to do that." I snapped out. Instinctively I yanked my arm away, instantly putting my guard up.

"Bobby and Chibbs go with him and back him up." Clay ordered waving his hand as Deacon stared at me assessing the emotions as they flitted across my face. Well, I talked to him I thought as I turned and took off down the hall after Jax.

Jax was already almost to his bike by the time I caught up to him in the hospital parking lot. "Jax, wait!" I yelled breathlessly, as I ran across the parking lot. Horns honked at me as I continued to cut across a crosswalk. Uh, I have the right of way assholes.

"Jax," I said out of breath latching on to his arm as he stopped beside his bike. Damn, I haven't ran in forever. I held my finger up indicating I needed a minute to catch my breath. "What are you going to do?"

"Nothing you need to worry about." Jax assured me as he saddled his bike, gripping the handle bars and kicking the kick stand out from beneath it all in one swift movement. He was pissed, that much I knew. But he wasn't thinking clearly.

"Jax, you need to go see Abel. Kicking some druggies ass isn't going to change anything. He needs you." I protested profusely, trying to get him to see this wasn't going to solve anything. Sure, does the jackass deserve it? Hell yes. Is it going to make him feel better? Probably. But, if he doesn't have much time with his son he should at least take the time he does have to meet him. Even if it hurts like hell.

"I can't do anything to help Abel, but I can do this. You wanted to know what we are all about, hop on and I'll show you." Jax challenged me, handing me his helmet. I was speechless, but I grabbed the helmet and put it on. I'd have some serious helmet hair today. .

Well, at the very least if the cops get called he'll need bail money I thought, climbing onto the back of his bike.


	9. Chapter 9: Family History

**Chapter 9: Family History**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

The Hairy Dog Bar & Lounge was just one of a few local rinky dink bars in town. I'd been here once before when I was sixteen with Lena. We bought shitty fake I.D.'s and snuck in to see A Thousand Horses play here one night. It was just another one of those whole in the wall places in this whole in the wall town. It didn't leave a lasting impression. I really had no idea what Jax was about to do. What was he capable of doing? What am I even doing here? My mind was in an uproar as I followed Jax, Chibbs and Bobby inside the bar.

I only faintly remembered the place. It's been five years since I'd been in here. The place smelled like stale peanuts and pretzels and piss warm beer. Ah, the memories I thought. A haze of smoke filled the building as we pushed the tweed leather cowboy swinging doors open and continued inside. It looked like we were walking into a fog storm. The sound of rock music filled my ears as I took in the few people that were sitting at the bar. It wasn't even five yet and people were already here ordering vodka tonics and jack and coke, looking to blow off steam. Hey, its five o'clock somewhere I guess. That must be their motto anyway.

A few guys stood huddled around a pool table in the back, clinking their beer bottles together and fanning twenty dollar bills in the air as they placed their bets on who would win. They weren't anyone I ever recognized seeing around town. I mean in a small town like this, everybody knows pretty much everybody. Jax zoned in on a tall lean guy sporting a wife beater and shaved head. He grabbed a pool stick out of some guy's hand as he stormed over to confront the guy. Chibbs and Bobby flanked him while I stood by the bar watching the scene unfold. Everything had happened in the blink of an eye.

Jax took the pool stick and slammed it into the shaved headed guys' head forcefully, causing him to fall back onto the floor with a groan. Jax brought his gloved hand back and took a hard swing to the guys jaw, instantly connecting. I placed my hand over my mouth as I stood back watching the scene before me unfold.

The guy's buddies decided they were going to intervene, stepping towards Jax, causing my heart to feel like it was going to explode right out of my chest. Bobby and Chibbs stepped forward quickly pulling out hand guns and holding them at gun point. Whoa, hold up here, guns? Who the hell are these people? This sort of shit doesn't happen in sleepy hollow little towns like Charming. It just doesn't. I wanted to run away, but I couldn't. I couldn't force myself to leave.

"You sell crank to my pregnant ex-wife!" Jax hissed through gritted teeth, as his hand collided with the guy's nose and jaw repeatedly. I wanted him to stop, but the words just wouldn't escape past my lips.

Blood poured out of his nose onto his white tank top as he slid to the floor, almost unconscious. I stood watching in complete and udder shock as Jax took the pool stick and slammed it into the mans stomach and groin a few times. Oh, that had to hurt I thought flinching at each blow. He whacked it over his head before tossing it onto the floor angrily.

"Alright, Jackie Boy, I think you made your point." Chibbs said nodding his head as he wrapped his arms around Jax's upper torso and pulled him away from the guy lying motionless on the floor. I almost thought he was dead, until he groaned and started coughing up blood and spitting it out onto the hardwood floor.

"Stupid peckerwood shithead!" Jax hollered getting in a few kicks to the guy's ribcage before Chibbs was finally able to pull him away from him.

The other men that were gathered around the pull table held their hands up in surrender when Jax looked at them, as in saying they had no issues with him. I kept telling myself to take a deep breath so I didn't hyperventilate.

Jax pulled out of Chibbs grasp and spat on the guy lying on the floor curled in the fetal position before glancing over at me. I felt my hands shaking slightly as he walked towards me a little, turning to look over his shoulder to make sure his boys were coming with him.

"Enjoy your lunch fella's; shish-ka-balls are on us." Bobby said with a smirk on his face, slowly lowering his gun as he made his way over toward Jax and Chibbs.

Jax placed his hand on the small of my back as we walked out of the bar. The warm Tacoma breeze swarmed around us as we stood next to the bikes lined up by the sidewalk. Traffic lights went from red to green as cars filled with busy people sped up and down Main Street. The plastic banner for the annual carnival at the local elementary and middle school flew wildly in the wind above Main Street as people walked up and down the sidewalk oblivious to the fact that some guy just got his ass handed to him inside this very building.

My instincts were screaming for me to run for the hills and never look back. I should be afraid of them, of Jax, shouldn't I? Because I don't feel the slightest ounce of fear when I look at him, more like admiration that he was willing to go that far to protect Wendy and his son. He went after that guy for all the right reasons. The man inside there deserved every single blow he got. Idiot.

No, you're letting your minor attraction to this guy cloud your judgement. For god sakes, they're packing hand guns Rowan. The only guns I've ever been around were the little toy guns you load with water and shoot each other with when I was a kid. This is not you... but in reality this is me. Deacon... my father... is a part of this. So, by default is it part of me too? I felt dizzy and nauseated standing next to Jax's bike. He hadn't spoken I word since we walked outside and neither had I.

"You wanted to know what we were all about, now you know." Jax said calmly, sitting down on his bike adjusting the blood stained gloves on his hands. I ran my hand through my hair and scoffed shaking my head, at a loss for words.

"Are you alright?" Chibbs questioned Jax, as he sat down on his bike. Jax nodded his head and pulled his helmet on fastening the straps under his chin.

"I'm good, brother. I'm gonna go find Opie. Make sure she gets back to Teller-Morrow." Jax instructed glancing up at me and then starting his bike. I could feel the asphalt rattling beneath my feet from the rumble of the engine.

"You got it, brother." Chibbs agreed nodding his head, slapping the back of his shoulder.

"Can we talk later?" I asked loudly leaning down next to his ear, trying to make sure he could hear me over the sound of his bike. Jax licked his bottom lip and nodded his head as he took my hand in his own and squeezed it lightly. I had so many questions and no answers. I knew the real people I needed to talk to were Deacon and my mother...

"I'll catch up with you later, darling." Jax replied still clutching my hand. I nodded my head and stepped back so he could leave and watched as he took off down the busy street. I felt something wet on my hand and looked down to see a few faint blood smears on the palm of my hand. I swallowed the lump in my throat and wiped my hand off on my jeans quickly.

"Come on, darling. Let's get you back to Teller-Morrow." Chibbs said gesturing for me to get on his bike. I gave him a small smile and accepted his helmet and got on the back of his bike. Riding a motorcycle is becoming my main means of transportation here lately.

* * *

Chibbs had given me a ride back to Teller-Morrow after Jax took off to go find his friend named Opie. Where these people came up with names was beyond me. When I first heard he name Chibbs I thought someone had said chips, and Juice? I don't even know where that came from. I loved how unique their names were though. I loved the name Kai and swore up and down to Lena that I was going to name my first son that.

After I finished up some things in the office I'd decided to finally go talk to my mother, I've dodged her calls all day and avoided going to see her long enough. This whole Deacon thing was eating away at me. I needed some sort of explanation and "we did this to protect you" isn't going to be good enough. I paced the hall outside my mother's hospital room and tried to pump myself up to walk inside. Come on, Rowan. I'm such a gutless jellyfish. I slumped myself into the wall and waited for the nurse to come out of her room. When she walked out I caught the door and stepped inside.

An over dramatic Lifetime movie was playing on the TV and the curtains were drawn shut, probably because the medication they have her on gives her splitting headaches. My mom glanced over at me as she pulled her sweater closed tighter, trying to lock her warmth around her and cocked her head to the side shaking it. I told myself I wasn't going to cry when I tried to talk to her, but I could feel the stinging sensation forming in my eyes and knew the water works were coming.

"Come here, baby," She said with a raspy voice, holding her arms out to hug me. I sat down on the edge of her bed and leaned forward letting her wrap her now frail arms around me and hold me close. She always smelled like honey and vanilla. She smelled like home. A few tears ran down my face as I pulled back to look at her.

"W-w-why did you lie?" I asked stuttering between waves of sobs. My mother wiped my cheek with her thumb and took a deep breath searching for the right words to explain everything to me.

"Things were different back then, sweetie. We did it to protect you from so many things...it wasn't an easy decision to make." She started to explain, when I got up off the bed and paced the floors anxiously.

"That's bullshit; you protected me by hurting me? How is that fair? And protect me from what? Is Deacon a bad person?" I snapped out harsher than I wanted too, causing her to flinch slightly at the change of my tone.

I hated being mad at her, we were never the mother and daughter that got into fights during the teenage years. We told each other everything, or at least I thought we did until now. I felt betrayed by her and Deacon. I also felt guilty for being pissed at her, especially now. But I couldn't hold it back.

"Well, how about I just start from the beginning and explain it all?" My mother suggested as I sighed and placed my hands on the foot of her bed. I nodded my head in agreement seriously considering raising my mothers medicinal weed stash.

"Close the door." She insisted, so I did as she asked and shut the door, then walked back over and sat down at the foot of her bed.

"I wasn't exactly always the prim and proper woman you see now." She said with a slight smirk, "When I was about your age, maybe a little younger or older I can't really remember now. I started to hang around a strapping young man named Deacon. He was a member of the notorious new motorcycle club, Sons of Anarchy. He was on of the First Nine founding members of the club. He had everything, the smile, the charm, the danger in his eyes. I was gone before I even knew it." She explained causing me to smile slightly at the way she was loosing herself in the story. She closed her eyes remembering, reminiscing being young and on the brink of falling in love.

"It didn't take long for me to become an Old Lady. We fell fast and got engaged after a few months." My mom continued on.

"Wait, an old lady?" I asked skeptically, wiping the tears off my cheek.

"Yeah, an old lady. That's what you become when your with a Son. You put his needs above your own and the clubs above everything else." She went on, her face growing solemn.

"We lied to protect you from the club and everything that goes with it. You don't understand who they are and what they do. SAMCRO isn't just a small motorcycle club that does charity runs, they run guns up and down the Northern California Coast as a business… among countless other less than legal things. It's a way of life, honey. A way of life that I never wanted for you. That way of life changed Deacon. He became invested in the antics of the club life and his fellow brothers. The violence of running guns followed them everywhere. I knew it wasn't the right atmosphere to raise a child in." She said, sniffling slightly. This whole situation was breaking my heart and hers. I thought I knew my mother like the back of my hand. It turns out she had a whole other life I knew nothing about, and I was a product of that life.

My eyes fell to the quilt I'd been picking at as I thought about what happened earlier today with Jax at The Hairy Dog. The way he'd went after that guy seemed almost natural, like a second nature or something and I understood why they lied. It was difficult to digest all of this in one sitting. I wiped my eyes with my hands and then looked at my mom, seeing her for the first time as the woman she really was. Deacons Old Lady…

"I wish you would have just told me. Do you really think I would let myself get pulled into that?" I said fighting back more tears. This was a lot to handle and I felt like I wasn't handling it well.

"The SAMCRO life pulls you in whether you want it to or not." My mom replied reaching out to hold my hand. As always her hands were cold and frail feeling.

"I never wanted you to get hurt sweetie. I'm sorry, but if I had to do it all over again I still would have done what I did. Because that's my job as a mother, as your mother to protect you from things that can hurt you and leave you scarred and broken. When you have children someday you'll understand." She said sweetly, as I bit back the tears. I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded my head. The damage is done. The lies have been told. I guess now it's just up to me to figure out what I want to do with them.

"I'm extremely pissed off right now and have no clue how to feel about any of this. But, I do understand mom…" I half whispered as I curled up next to her on her bed. I felt her wrap her arms around me and hold me taking me back to being five years old again.

"I love you…" She whispered, running her hands through my honey blonde hair and kissing the top of my head.

"I love you too, mom." I whispered back, snuggling into her side and listening to her tell me more about being Deacons old lady until I finally drifted off to sleep.

* * *

I awoke to my phone vibrating in my back pocket. Slowly and groggily I detangled myself from my still sleeping mother and sat up in the bed, fishing my phone out of my pocket. The screen flashed alerting me I had one new text message. The clock on my phone read 10:43pm. Opening my text messages I saw I had one unread from Jax. We'd exchanged numbers my first day working at Teller-Morrow.

Hey… I know it's late, but would you mind bringing that manuscript by my house? We can talk too.– Jax

Sure, where do you live? – Rowan

I'm on my way home now, I'll swing by the hospital and you can just follow me. Be there in 10mins. – Jax

See you soon. – Rowan

I walked into the bathroom as I shoved my phone back in my pocket. If he's on his way home why couldn't he just stop here and pick it up. He must want me to come to his house. Great… My hair was a rats nest and my mascara had ran from crying earlier. Screw it. I wiped the mascara off my face and pulled my hair up into a pony tail quickly walking out of the bathroom. My mom was still sound asleep. I didn't want to disturb her so I grabbed my purse and headed downstairs to wait by my car.

Jax arrived about five minutes later and I followed him home. He lived in a nice quiet neighborhood across town. I parked on the curb while he pulled into his driveway and shut off his bike. Taking the keys out of the ignition I glanced at his home. A rancher with tan siding and broken black shutters stared back at me. A soft glow flickered through the curtains hanging on the front window indicating someone was inside or he'd left a light on like I usually did. I hated the dark. It just creeped me out.

As I reached around into the back seat I heard a knock on my window and turned to see Jax. I opened the door and resumed grabbing his fathers manuscript out of the gym bag off the back seat. I shoved the papers in my purse and got out of the car.

"Looks like my moms here." Jax sighed as he gestured towards the Cadillac parked in front of his house. He waved a hand gesturing for me to follow him up towards the cement walkway.

"You know I could have just given this to you back at the hospital." I said causing him to glance at me while he unlocked the door. He had a cigarette stuck between his lips as a smirk etched onto his perfectly chiseled face.

"I'm not huge fan of hospitals, plus I told you we'd talk." He said pushing the door open and holding it for me to walk in before him.

"Hows Abel?" I asked, stopping for a moment to look up at him. Jax's shoulders involuntarily fell at the mention of his sons name.

"I don't know… I haven't been back to see him yet. I just don't want to get attached." He replied dryly. I gave him a small nod of the head in understanding not wanting to press the issue or upset him. Our shoulders brushed against each other as I swiftly walked past him stepping into the small hallway.

A light was on in the living room as Jax and I walked in further. Gemma was wrestling empty beer bottles and used red solo cups into a large trash bag. She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand and noticed is standing in the archway.

"Mom what are you doing here? It's almost midnight." Jax asked, removing his cut and hanging it on a hook on the wall. He flicked his ashes into the empty trash bag Gemma was holding and kissed her on the cheek. I gave Gemma a small smile as I clutched my bag.

"This place is a goddamn pig sty." Gemma fretted, continuing to pick up food wrappers off the floor and more empty beer bottles and trash. The place looked like a bomb had gone off. Laundry was strewn about the living room covering what used to be the floor.

"Clean was never her strong suit." Jax scoffed taking a seat on the edge of the arm of the black leather sofa and finishing his cigarette.

"What are you two doing here?" Gemma asked, arching her eyebrows at me as she bent down to toss some clothes into the laundry basket by her feet. Jax spoke before I could and for that I was thankful.

"Uh, last I checked it was my house." Jax pointed out, smirking and flicking his cigarette into the trash bag on the floor.

"You know what I mean, smartest. I thought you'd be at the clubhouse or the hospital with your son." Gemma shot back at him as she continued to clean, jumping from thing to thing.

"Just needed some time to myself. Hang out with your replacement." Jax teased glancing at me. I laughed a little and looked down at the cigarette burns in the carpet by the couch. Gemma stared at me for a long moment placing her hands on her hips.

"Jax I swear if you knock her up, I won't stop Deacon from strangling you. One grand baby is enough for now." Gemma blurted out, instantly making my cheeks go red.

"Mom, Jesus it's not even like that." Jax said coming to my defense. I smacked Jax on the shoulder as in what the hell you told her. He shrugged his shoulders confused. Gemma watched us from across the room and I swear I saw a small smile form on her face, but couldn't be sure.

"Relax, sweetheart. Everyone around here knows Deacons your daddy. Jax didn't out you." Gemma said causing me to shake my head. Unbelievable. The entire town of Charming knows I'm Deacons daughter, and I'm just now finding out.

"Well, I'm glad everyone's up to speed. Am I the only one who didn't know about this. I mean Jesus Christ…" I whispered more so to myself than anyone else. For a somewhat smart girl I feel incredibly stupid.

"Important thing is you know now." Gemma said, as Jax picked at a rip in his jeans before he removed his riding gloves.

"Mom you don't need to do this." Jax said insisting she stop field stripping the house. Gemma continued to buzz around the living room tossing trash into the bag in her hands.

"I don't want you to see it like this. I just want to get it livable. Buy you some clean carpet, Wendy's got cigarette burns everywhere. I want to get you back home with your son and out of that dorm room at the clubhouse." Gemma rambled on and on flirting about the living room like the Queen Bee circulating the hive.

"Mom, just stop!" Jax yelled, standing up. I was startled by his outburst and looked at him. "He's not going to make it home. He's not going to make it at all"

"Did something happen?" Gemma questioned as she walked over to Jax. He shook his head and looked up at his mother.

"He was born with half a stomach and a fucking hole in his heart. He's not going to make it mom!" Jax yelled, finally letting it all out. I wasn't sure if I should stay or go so I just stood behind Jax and stayed quiet.

"Don't you dare say that!" Gemma snapped back slapping him across the face. I wasn't expecting her to do that and neither was Jax from the wide eyed look on his face.

"You are the only one that boys got. If you don't believe he's gonna make it you might as well just go down there and kill him yourself." Gemma said gruffly, lowering her head and taking a step back away from Jax.

"You need to go see him, Jax." I said quietly standing beside him.

"I can't, I can't see him like that." Jax admitted looking directly at me. That's when I realized he might be apart of a motorcycle gang, and run guns and beat assholes half to death, but that doesn't define who he is. Because right now I see a guy heartbroken worrying about his family. Maybe just maybe Deacon was different on the inside too…

"Why," Gemma snapped, "Because it'll break your heart. It's called being a father." She went on, as she took a seat in the leather arm chair by the brick fireplace and lit a cigarette.

"For how long? A day? A week?" Jax said, his voice cracking slightly as he moved over on the couch so I could sit down next to him.

"You know you were born with that same heart defect your little brother had. You seem pretty sturdy to me. I came through hell. Landed on my feet. Your father was hit by a goddamn semi and lived two days after that. Tellers do not die easy, baby." Gemma pointed out, attempting to give him some form of hope to hold onto.

"No, we just die bloody." Jax joked dryly, causing me to crack a small smile when he looked at me.

"That's the Irish in us." Gemma grinned, as she got up and walked over to Jax.

"Go home, mom. I'll finish cleaning up." Jax said, standing up and hugging his mom. She nodded her head and picked her purse up off the coffee table and slung it over her shoulder.

"You keep an eye on my boy." She instructed me, tapping my shoulder as she walked past me.

"I will." I told her as Jax slumped down into the couch and ran his hand over his face. Maybe even two I thought.

We heard the front door shut a few moments later indicating Gemma had indeed left. I pulled the package of papers out of my bag and handed them to Jax.

"You know when my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I was pissed. And by pissed I mean I took a baseball bat to almost everything in my room." I said glancing at Jax. His eyes were locked on me, it felt like he was absorbing every word that came out of my mouth. I had his full attention. "After the anger subsided, I realized that I might not have a lot of time left with her. So I told myself even if every moment spent with her hurt like hell and reminded me I might lose her I was going to do it anyway. Because I would look back one day and be grateful for the little time we did have together."

"It's gonna hurt, but you need to see Abel." I said looking at Jax as I pushed a piece of hair behind my ear.

"I know… I just can't…" He whispered shaking his head and sighing.

"I can go with you if you want." I offered innocently. He looked so different without his cut on. I'd never seen him without it before, it was almost weird in a way.

"I'd like that." He said giving me a warm smile and reaching over to touch my hand. It felt like my skin was being set on fire very time he touched me and I didn't understand why it kept happening.

"I talked to my mom…" I said relaxing a little into the couch as he let go of my hand and pulled his fathers manuscript out of the yellow packaging.

"How'd it go?" He asked glancing at me.

"Like a gunshot to the back of the head." I blurted out sarcastically, causing him to laugh a little. I laughed too and shook my head hiding my face in my hands.

"I learned a lot that's for sure. About her and Deacon and the club." I said coyly, letting my hands fall into my lap. Jax tensed up slightly beside me before getting up and walking into what I assumed to be the kitchen.

"Like what?" He asked nonchalantly coming back into the living room with two bottles of bud light in his hands. I accepted the one he gave me and took a long shot of it. Feeling the cold liquid go all the way down.

"My mom said that you guys are running guns up and down the coast as a business. Is that true?" I inquired skeptically, as Jax sat back down on the couch, much closer to me this time. He ran a hand through his hair buying himself time to come up with an answer.

"Just tell me, and I swear if you're lying I'll kick you in the balls. Because if one more person bullshits me I'm going to flip." I told him, being honest and taking and other drink of the beer in my hand.

"We do… We're just one of many that make a living that way." Jax confirmed, drinking his own beer.

"I don't know much about gun running, but I'm assuming it's dangerous?" I said picking the label off the beer bottle.

"It can be yeah." Jax replied.

"That warehouse fire, I'm sure you heard about it on the news." Jax said as I nodded my head remembering hearing something about it.

"That place was ours. Rival club or gang or whatever you wanna call em' torched the place and stole our lot of guns. Damn Mayans." Jax explained looking at me to see what kind of reaction he'd get out of me.

"I guess this is the part where I'm supposed to be horrified and run for the hills right?" I said feeling a warm sensation filling my head slightly. A hazy feeling could be felt from behind my eyes. Yep, I'm definitely buzzed right now.

"You should be terrified." Jax teased looking at me with a devilish smirk.

"If you want to scare me, you'll have to do better than that Teller." I shot at him, finish up my beer. Jax smirked and started looking over his fathers papers.

"Did you read any of this?" He asked, grazing his eyes over a few pages.

"No, I didn't. It wasn't mine to read." I reassured him as I tucked my knees up under my chin.

"According to this, my father and yours had a bigger picture in mind for the club. Some real hippie shit. They called it a Harley commune." Jax said handing me a few papers.

"He talks about Deacon in this?" I asked looking at him out of the corner of my eye reading over some of the stuff.

"Yeah, apparently they had a different vision for the club. Something simpler." Jax explained as I felt a little nauseated from the beer hitting my empty stomach.

"It says here, the club was never supposed to be about making more money than each of us needed. It was about a brotherhood and a family bond that could never be broken. Deacon saw that along with Piney." I read aloud, feeling Jax place his hand along the back of the couch behind my head causing the hairs on my neck to stand on end as a shiver slithered down my spine and not in bad way.

The next two hours were spent reading over the manuscript John had left Jax. I didn't entirely understand some of the stuff that I read. But I planned on figuring it all out, well that is until I fell asleep. I rested my head on the back of the sofa and closed my eyes for a few minutes and before I knew it I was gone. I felt myself lean over onto Jax's warm shoulder and felt him lift his arm and place it around me and that was the last thing I remembered…


	10. Chapter 10: Horrible Idea

**Chapter 10: Horrible Idea**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

The morning light shining through the shades covering the sliding glass door to the patio woke me up. Slowly, I blinked away the sleep from my eyes noticing the leather arm chair across the room was sideways, which told me I was lying down on the couch. I sighed feeling content, closing my eyes once again and snuggling back in to hopefully drift back off to sleep. I haven't slept this good in weeks; I don't want it to end just quite yet.

Warmth was radiating off of whatever or rather whomever I was lying on, onto me, making it that much harder to want to get up and jump back into the craziness that has become my life. I noticed the familiar intoxicating scent filling my nose with each breath that I took and shuddered slightly. A mixture of cigarette smoke, exhaust fumes and oil. No, I'm dreaming right now. I'm dreaming about Jax Teller. I didn't. Did I? There aren't any leather arm chairs at the hospital. That's when I realized I wasn't at the hospital with my mom. I'd fallen asleep on Jax last night, shit. How does that even happen? Damn him and his warm inviting cozy broad shoulders. Well, this is sure to be awkward...

Our bodies lied perfectly on the small couch together, like two puzzle pieces that fit together seamlessly with ease. My head on his rock hard chest and his arm draped over my side holding me close, protectively. My forehead was resting against his chin; I could tell by the way his stubble tickled my skin. _Please still be asleep, please still be asleep, please still be asleep_ I chanted inside my head as I gradually lifted my head and looked up at him. Jax's eyes were closed, his light blonde eyelashes flowing out over his cheekbones. _Thank god!_ We had become so tangled in each other throughout the night I had a hard time figuring out how to get off of him without waking him up. He looked so calm and peaceful lying there, I couldn't look away and I felt paralyzed.

Jax arched his back stretching in his sleep and cleared his throat, keeping his eyes closed and I felt his hand drift down to the small of my back onto my butt and then felt it gradually creep back up to my shoulder. I could feel his morning 'friend' pressed against my leg and swallowed the lump in my throat and the thoughts strangling my brain. Is it wrong that I'm sort of turned on, that he's turned on right now? He looked so perfect lying there calmly I found myself biting my bottom lip profusely as I tried to squirm out of his grasp, but to no avail.

My heart was pounding so wildly inside my chest I was sure he could feel it through his cotton white t-shirt. This is awkward and bad, very bad. I need to get off of him, but he has a vise like grip holding me on top of him, not that I'm really complaining... Lena's going to have a fucking field day when I tell her about this. Maybe I won't tell her...

I placed the palm of my hand on his chest gently and slowly tried to ease myself off of him when his eyes fluttered open, startling me, and his rough hand gripped my wrist lightly. "Morning, darling." Jax said groggily, coming too. I now know what having a heart attack feels like. It feels like sweaty palms, rapid heartbeats that make you think your hearts going to explode right out of your chest.

"Morning, I'm sorry I slept on you. I didn't even realize... I move around a lot in my sleep." I mumbled giving him an awkward smile, as he took in the position we were in and released my hand leaving me still frozen on top of him. I should sit up now.

"I don't really mind. It was actually kind of nice." Jax replied with a smirk staring at me like I was the only thing that mattered at the moment. I felt something vibrating underneath me and looked at Jax horrified.

"There's something vibrating in your pants and I'm really hoping it's your cell phone." I said holding back a nervous laugh staring at Jax as he smirked, enjoying my discomfort.

"It's my phone, smartass." He said sarcastically, causing me to blush and bust out laughing along with him as I finally sat up. I watched as he wiped the sleep form his eyes sitting up and then reached over onto the coffee table and picked up his beer bottle from last night and finished the little bit that was left. He fished his phone out of his pocket and looked at it.

Glancing around the living room I caught my reflection in the television screen and shuddered. I looked like a troll. My hair had fallen out of the pony tail I'd put it in before I left the hospital last night and I'm sure my breath was less than stellar. Jax held his phone up to his ear and muttered, "Shit." Before shoving the phone back into his pocket.

"Is everything okay?" I asked, concerned. Jax ran a hand down the side of his face and looked over at me.

"That was my mom; she's at the hospital with Abel. The doctors have decided to go ahead and try to repair his stomach. He's about to go into surgery now. She's going to hang out at the hospital until he's out of the woods." Jax informed me with a worried look on his face. He was already anticipating the worst possible outcome.

"Jax, that's good, right? I mean that means the doctors think he's strong enough to endure the surgery. You have to believe that he'll pull through." I whispered to him innocently, absentmindedly touching his shoulder. Jax lowered his head and stared at the phone in his hands as he twirled it back and forth trying to distract himself.

"Thank you, for everything you've done for me. Hanging on to the book and talking about Abel. It means a lot to me, Rowan." Jax said appreciatively looking at me with those piercing blue eyes of his as I nodded my head and rubbed his shoulder trying to do my best to soothe him. It still didn't seem like enough though.

"It means a lot to me too," I replied giving him a warm smile. Over the past few days we have put a lot of trust in each other and confided in one another about family secrets. Lena doesn't even know about Deacon being my biological father. I've only felt comfortable talking to Jax about it for some reason. Why I don't know, maybe because he hasn't treated the situation like its one big joke. I glanced down at the clock on Jax's iPhone and grabbed it too look at the time. 8:45am...

"Shit, I have to be at the diner by nine this morning." I muttered handing him his phone back and searching the floor for my shoes. I'd taken them off last night. I knelt down on the carpet to search for my shoe under the couch and smiled a bit too enthusiastically when I found it and held it up proudly. Jax smirked and stood up stretching his arms over his head, causing his shirt to ride up slightly revealing a small portion of his sculpted chest causing my eyes to go wide for a brief moment.

"You can use the shower, if you want." Jax said before stifling a yawn and grabbing the empty beer bottles off the coffee table. I really needed a shower, but I didn't have any clean clothes in my car. Plus, the fact of showering in his shower with him only a few feet away outside the door sort well freaks me out a bit. I'm weird I know.

"Thanks, but I don't have any clean clothes. I'll just stop by the hospital and be late." I said fixing the shoe laces on my sneakers.

"Just borrow something of mine. My room and the bathroom are just down the hall." Jax insisted, gesturing towards the hallway behind the sofa. I sighed and stood up creeping around the corner.

"Are you sure?" I asked, hoping he'd say no.

"Towels are in the cabinet in the bathroom. Just take anything you need out of my dresser." Jax reassured me before disappearing into the kitchen to throw away the empty beer bottles in his hands.

I crept down the hallway and noticed a door ajar up ahead, I peeked inside as I went by and noticed light blue walls and a wicker rocking chair nestled beside a white crib. That would be a lovely nursery for Abel when he came home. If he came home, a small voice in my head told me. As I continued down the hall I came to what I assumed to be Jax's bedroom or Wendy's bedroom. I wasn't sure which. Judging from the motorcycle art hanging in frames on the wall it had to be Jax's room.

Pushing the door open I walked inside and took in the piles of laundry on the floor and the ashy tray resting in the middle of the queen sized bed in the center of the room. His wooden dresser was situated to the left of me, a few drawers were already open, so I pulled the closest one too me the rest of the way open and pulled out a dark blue t-shirt with the words 'SAMCRO' embedded on the front of it then headed into the bathroom to take a quick shower.

My body relaxed as soon as the warm water hit my aching bones. It felt nice to take a shower in an actual shower verses the one at the hospital, it was so small and I could barely extend my arms out in front of me. I quickly soaped up and rinsed and washed my hair and hopped out to get dressed. I couldn't help but take a minute to smell Jax's shirt after I'd put it on. It smelled like him and he smelled like heaven. I ran the towel over my damp hair then pulled it up into a bun. As I came out of the bathroom I ran right into Jax and his bare chest.

"I'm sorry," I half laughed nervously. I could feel the warmth rushing to my cheeks as I tried not to gawk at his perfect chest, because damn it was perfect. It was like he was photo shopped or something, it wasn't fair.

"It's alright, darling. We got to stop meeting like this." He laughed back winking at me, staring at my shirt, well his shirt on me. I glanced down feeling self-conscious.

"I hope its okay that I borrowed this one. It was on the top." I said quickly, as he shook his head and pulled on the black short sleeved shirt he'd been holding in his hand.

"No, it's fine. I've just never let a girl wear my 'SAMCRO' shirt before that's all. It looks good on you though." Jax said leaving it at that before turning on his heel and heading back down the hallway into the living room. I followed him into the living room trying my hardest to not smile like an idiot. As I slipped my sneakers on Jax put his father's manuscript back into my bag.

"Will you let me know when Abel's out of surgery?" I asked as he handed me my bag I pulled it over my head and shoulder and adjusted it on my hip.

"Yeah, of course I'll call you. Maybe you can meet me at the NICU later and we could try going to see him, that is if your offer still stands and all." Jax questioned as he walked me to the door, placing his hand on the doorknob and turning to look at me inquisitively.

"I work half a day at the diner and then I'll be at Teller-Morrow for a bit. But I'd love to meet Abel." I replied smiling at him wondering how much Abel would look like Jax. Jax hid a smile as he opened the door for me. I walked past him and stopped to give him a small awkward hug.

"He's going to make it, Jax." I whispered to him, feeling his arm snake around my waist pulling me in closer and closer. I pulled back after a moment and looked into his eyes briefly and for a moment I thought he was leaning in, but I laughed nervously and felt him brush a loose strand of hair behind my ear. What is happening?

"I'll see you soon." I said rolling my eyes and hopping off the porch to head towards my car. When I got to my car I glanced over my shoulder to see Jax still standing in the doorway watching me...

* * *

The tires on my Mustang pulled into Franny's at exactly nine o'clock, so technically I'd made it in on time. This entire morning has felt like a daydream, waking up at Jax's, wearing his shirt, the feelings I'm feeling. It's not normal. I've only known Jax maybe a week, tops. I should not be this... attached to someone already. I made my way inside and into the back to start my shift, searching for Lena as I went. I found her in the kitchen flirting with Toby the twenty four year old fry cook. I rolled my eyes as I pulled my apron on. Lena's eyes lit up as she ran over to me wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me back out into the diner behind the bar.

"Where the hell have you been? I stopped by St. Thomas last night to see if you wanted to come over and have a movie marathon with me, but your skinny little ass wasn't there." Lena pouted giving me the glare stare as I started to wipe down the counter.

"I didn't sleep there last night." I told her debating on whether I should tell her about this morning with Jax on the couch and the shower incident and everything else.

"You finally grow a pair and go to your house?" Lena laughed out, looking at me skeptically.

"Hell no, the last time I drove by my house Jerry was sitting on the front porch waiting for rent. The guy creeps me the hell out, he told me the last time I talked to him on the phone, 'maybe we can work something out,' insinuating that I blow him or something equally as degrading." I explained as I talked in a hushed voice. The morning rush was just starting to fill the place up. I'd live on the street in a cardboard box before I put my mouth anywhere near that sleezeballs body.

"That's one person even I won't do. So, where did you stay?" Lena asked letting her eyes zone in on the SAMCRO shirt I was sporting. Before I could even speak Lena squealed and jumped beside me coming to her own twisted conclusion about where I'd spent the night and who with.

"You were with hottie biker boy weren't you?" She exclaimed excitedly, grabbing my arm and dragging me over to the coffee pots where we had just a little more privacy. Lena shook my arm eagerly as she waited impatiently for me to spill.

"It wasn't like that, so don't even go there. We just hung out and I fell asleep. That's it, we're just friends anyway." I laughed feeling like we were back in high school gushing over Aaron Samuels, Charming High's Quarter Back.

"Rowan, you have to sleep with him." Lena hissed giddily under her breath as I rolled my eyes at her. I've never slept with anyone in my entire life; I am not going to sleep with Jax Teller just for the hell of it. That's not who I am.

"You do know a guy and girl can coexist and be friends with each other without jumping each other's bones, right?" I asked, skeptical as I put on a nice fresh pot of coffee.

"Seriously, Rowan come on and live a little. You are the only person I know that would not have a fling with an incredibly sexy outlaw biker guy!" Lena whined, annoying me a little bit. Jax has more important things to worry about than screwing some girl he just met, like his son who's having surgery right now. Sure, we've flirted a little, I think. I don't really know how to flirt. It just never came naturally to me like it did Lena and the other girls at school.

"Whatever, I don't see you screwing anyone." I pointed out, before walking away to go take a tables order. When I came back Lena was sitting on the counter I just cleaned.

"Actually, for your information, I'm seeing Juice tonight." Lena said causing me to stop and look at her with a pot of coffee in my hand. She couldn't be talking about Juice from Teller-Morrow.

"Tattooed mo-hawk guy Juice, from TM." I asked smiling with my mouth open. There's no freaking way. They never even talked to each other the whole ten minutes Lena was on the lot, or did they?

"Yes, that's the one. We ran into each other the other day and hit it off. He's taking me for a midnight ride out by Blackwater Lake." Lena informed me as I scoffed and smiled. I didn't see that one coming.

"Okay then." I laughed out loud, shaking my head at her antics. I don't know what she thinks me sleeping with Jax will do.

* * *

The morning rush came and went filling the diner with indistinct conversations about the upcoming town carnival we held every year to raise money for the schools, forks and knives clinked against plates as everyone ate their eggs over easy and half burnt toast. I'd made about $13.00 in tips so far this morning so that was good. I was bussing a table when I heard the chimes above the front door. As I looked up I saw Jax, Clay, Chibbs, Tig and a few other guys I didn't recognize making their way to an empty booth.

They all settled into their seats and started to talk in hushed voices with one another. I took the bin of dirty dishes in my hands in the back and walked over to see if I could get them anything to eat or drink. As I approached their table I noticed a small glossy finished box resting on the table inside was what looked to be a very expensive handgun. What the hell?

"Hey, my name's Rowan. Can I get you all anything." I asked, giving them a smile like they trained us to do.

"No, thank you. We're good, darling." Jax said staring at the guy across the table from him intently. My eyes landed on the man, he had a bunch of tattoos up and down his arms and around his neck. It felt like I walked up on something I shouldn't have walked up on, you could cut the tension in the air with a knife.

"How's your little family doing, anyway?" The guy asked Jax with a smirk; before I knew it drinks were flying off the table as Jax reached across the table and grabbed him by the scruff of his dirty shirt. Tig had the guy's friend in a choke hold, as Clay and I pushed Jax back.

"Hey! Enough!" I shouted as loudly as I could force out to get everyone's attention. Jax backed down and sat in his seat beside Clay as I glared at them all. Families with little kids enjoying their lunches had become scared by the outburst. Everyone mumbled and pointed and a few people even ran out without paying for their food. Lena was yelling out the door for them to come back and pay.

"Are you done?" I snapped harshly, staring directly at Jax as he sat there with a smug look on his face and his arms crossed over his chest. He nodded his head, letting me turn my attention to the other guy at the table. Any of these guys could snap me like the frail twig that I am if they wanted too.

"This diner is full of families with kids, either get your shit together and sit here calmly or take your _little toy guns,"_ I hissed, closing the box with gun on the table forcefully, "and go play outside or I'll throw all of you out on your ass. Got it?" I snapped out sternly, looking at everyone at the table.

Tig let go of the guy he'd been choke holding and nodded his head at me along with Bobby and Chibbs. Clay smirked up at me, either impressed by my ability to control the situation or pissed I'd intervened. I couldn't tell which and really didn't care. "Sorry, folks. Go back to your corndogs, won't happen again." Clay yelled out reassuringly, waving his hand at the other now freaked out customers. I glared at him as I knelt down to pick up the glass and ice off the floor.

"I made sure the brotherhood had Opie's back while he was in Chino, and you know that." The guy said, as I took my time cleaning the mess off the floor, eavesdropping on the conversation.

Opie was the guy Jax was looking for yesterday. I'm guessing he must have done time and this guy helped protect him on the inside or something maybe.

"Oh, I know how it works inside, Darby. Question is: do you remember how it works outside?" Clay taunted, daring the guy Darby to challenge him.

"A lot changes in three years." His buddy chimed in, finding his voice.

"A lot stays the same. Nothing happens in Charming we don't control, or get a piece of. If we wanted a meth trade, we'd have one. We don't. You know the drill. You can cook as much crank as you want along the border, but you do not deal in Charming." Clay informed him, putting it all out in the open. Jax kept his jaw clenched shut and his eyes forward avoiding looking at me as I stood up and walked over to the counter, realizing this was the guy that was responsible for Wendy getting her hands on the crank she'd overdosed on. Clay had mentioned Darby dealing out of the dog yesterday at the hospital. So that must make him like the ring leader.

"We ain't the only cook shop in town. Devil wants in, he'll get in." Darby shot back at Clay.

"Well, then you got your work cut out for you. Because the next time the devil crosses the border I'm coming after you. And next time I'm not going to use a .357 as a get-well present." Clay informed him as I heard them rustling behind me sliding out of the booth.

"There's no need to be making threats, brother. Me and my boys have always managed to make things work with SAMCRO." Darby offered, as I watched Clay and his men heading out the front door over my shoulder.

"Milk and cookies are on us." Jax snorted, tossing a twenty on the table to cover the bill if the men ordered anything. I glared a Jax and grabbed his forearm and dragged him outside furious at him for reasons I didn't quite understand. I was embarrassed that he'd acted like that inside.

"What the hell was that?" I hissed, crossing my arms over my chest and staring at him. Jax sighed and rolled his eyes heading over to his bike. Oh, no, he's not just going to walk away from me not after that little stunt inside. I followed after him and grabbed his elbow trying to make him stop, that was like trying to stop a building, "Hey! I'm talking to you!"

"Don't ever bring that shit in there again! This is a place where people come to have a nice meal and relax with their families. It's not some bar where you can go Rambo on some jackass. I work here!" I snapped at him angrily, before walking away, or attempting too. Jax caught my arm and caused me to turn on my heel to look at him.

"We both know the food here is shitty, so don't even start about people coming here for a decent meal, because that's a joke. I'm not going to stand by and have some asshole disrespect me and my family. Don't tell me what to do; you're not my old lady. Besides, nothing happened, so calm the fuck down. It's not like we shot up the place." Jax snarled back at me, glaring down at me. I yanked my arm out of his grasp and stood their going toe to toe with him.

"No, you just brought a gun inside." I replied dryly shaking my head disgusted.

"You're not pissed about what just happened in the diner. You're pissed about all your daddy issues and what that might mean for you and your perfect little life. Why don't you deal with that instead of taking it out on me, princess. Stop being such a little spoiled bitch and open your damn eyes." Jax shot at me hastily, as I stood there in shock, my mouth gapped open.

"My perfect life? Are you fucking kidding me?" I half laughed at him, as he arched his eyebrows at me while the other guys tore off out of the lot on their bikes. "Don't bring your 'business' here ever again." I said putting air quotes around the word business as I backed away from him and stormed inside.

* * *

My shift ended at Franny's forcing me to go to Teller-Morrow later in the afternoon. The whole thing with Jax had me fuming all day. He thinks I have a perfect life? What the hell is he smoking and can I please have some. No one has a perfect life, especially not me. Maybe he was right; maybe I was just pissed at SAMCRO for doing what they do. Even though I still don't fully understand what it is that they do. SAMCRO's the reason I grew up without a father, because of bullshit like what happened today and the other day with Jax in the bar. I sat in the office and did inventory on the computer hoping to avoid Deacon and Jax for a while. Deacon hasn't tried to reach out to me anymore and for that I'm grateful because right now I might just say fuck you and forget about everything.

The sound of power tools whirring from the garage filled my ears as the door to the office swung open. Jax walked in, closing the door behind him. I glanced at him as he leaned against the door. I kept my eyes locked on the computer screen, being too stubborn to break the glacier between us. Jax pulled a pack of smokes out of his pocket and lit up.

"Abel's stomach surgery went well, but Dr. Namid said it put a lot of strain on his system, so they decided to go ahead and start the heart surgery as well." Jax informed me quietly, keeping his eyes locked on the floor as I looked up at him.

"I'm glad he made it through the first part. That's good they aren't waiting, right?" I asked, now worried. If his body was already strained shouldn't he rest for a while before undergoing more?

"My mom said they said it's the best choice, yeah." Jax answered, blowing smoke out of his nose and walking over towards me and sitting down on the edge of the desk. I stood up and brushed some hair behind my ear as I messed with a loose string in the carpet on the floor with my foot.

I was such a bitch earlier.

"I'm sorry," We both said at the same time, echoing each other's words. Jax and I looked at each other and smirked and chuckled. I covered my hands over my face and sighed before letting them fall to my sides.

"You're far from being a bitch, I didn't mean what I said to you earlier. I was pissed about Darby, Wendy and Abel and I took it out on you." Jax started to say, "Actually, I am." I pointed out placing my hands in my back pockets. Jax shook his head and continued to smoke his cigarette smirking.

"I took all of my shit out on you too. You were right, though. As much as it pains me to admit it. You weren't wrong. I do need to open my eyes to what's going on around me more." I admitted to him as he put out his cigarette.

"Are we okay?" I asked, not wanting to be mad at him. It wasn't him who I was mad at to begin with really. I was mad about everything.

"We're good, Rowan. I'll see you later." He said as he stood up with a small smile, he grabbed my hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

"Where are you going?" I questioned him, still holding his hand, not wanting him to let go just yet. He had a hoodie on underneath his cut, but he looked so bulky, like he had something else on underneath that as well.

"Taking back what's ours." He whispered, before letting go of my hand. Someone had stolen their guns. So what? They were going to steal them back. That didn't sound like a great idea.

"What does that mean?" I asked confused and wanting to understand. Jax looked at me with a pained expression on his face, like maybe he wasn't onboard with whatever was about to happen. Jax closed the gap between us and kissed me on the cheek, letting his lips linger by my cheek leaving me breathless and then he was gone out the door leaving me alone with a pit in my stomach the size of a boulder.

Quickly I opened the door to see Jax and the other guys starting up their bikes and tearing out of the Teller-Morrow gate like bats out of hell. What the hell is going on? I spotted Deacon sitting on his bike staring at me momentarily before he too took off, leaving behind a cloud of dust. Before I even realized what I was doing I was running across the lot and getting in my car, getting ready to follow them knowing the entire time it was a horrible idea...


	11. Chapter 11: Trigger Finger

**Chapter 11: Trigger Finger**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

The moment I put the key in the ignition and started my car and drove away from the garage I regretted it, severely. Of all the stupid things I've done in my life tailing a bunch of outlaw bikers has to be the stupidest. At the very least it's in the top ten. I've watched enough CSI: Crime Scene Investigation and Law & Order to know how to follow a car without being spotted. I'm keeping my distance and hanging back not drawing attention to myself. And my mother says watching television doesn't teach you anything. Well, I hope I'm right in this case because if SAMCRO or anyone else see's me I am pretty much toast, burnt crusty dead toast. I knew even if I begged Jax to tell me what was going on he wasn't going to tell me. He trusts me, but not enough to know about club business. I already know Deacon's a criminal from his police record.

The curiosities I have about Deacon, my father, could be solved if I just talked to him. But, me being the product of my mother causes me to be extremely stubborn and defiant. God, it feels weird to even think the word father in my mind. It feels foreign, like a word from a different language that I can't pronounce.

My stomach has twisted itself into a thousand knots and I feel like I could puke.

So far I've followed Jax into a small nice little neighborhood. All of the lawns had just been cut filling my car up with that freshly cut grass smell. Kids frolicked up and down the road chasing a red dodge ball, running out of the way when a car needed to pass through and then immediately resuming their game afterwards.

I pulled over onto the curb and watched Jax get off his bike and walk up the road a little ways, stopping in front of a greying blue sided house. A tall guy wearing the SAMCRO cut and a beanie cap met Jax halfway down the driveway.

Jax talked to the guy for a few minutes and picked up a large bag then headed back down the street to his bike. I slid down in the driver seat cursing under my breath just to make sure he didn't see me lurking at him through the windshield.

What the actual fuck am I doing right now? This is insane, like I should probably stop by the psych wing at St. Thomas and get tested for something. I need to just go to the hospital and be with my mom. Jax's bike roared to life and he took off down the road making a right hand turn at the corner.

"Fuck it…" I mumbled to myself, pulling off into the road and continuing to follow him. As I waited at the stop sign I could see Jax stopped at another one talking to someone else on a bike, it looked like Clay. He seemed a little pissed off at Jax for some reason. More guys showed up at the corner on their bikes after a few minutes.

It was like a crowd of motorcycles roaring wildly on the corner, like a mob. I waited and watched letting my car idle at the stop sign as they all took off together, like one big swarm of wasps. Deacon was one of them, seeing him riding in the flock of bikes was sort of sinister in a way. It left me feeling a little gutted inside. I wanted to know what he did for the club and following him and seeing him in action was the only way I'd get the real truth. If I asked he'd probably just lie to my face. I waited until the bikes were far enough up the road and made the turn heading the same direction they were heading.

The cool fading summer breeze ran through the car giving me goosebumps as I drove with the windows down. I highly doubted the goosebumps were coming from the cool air though. We headed down Main Street and then headed out of Charming completely towards San Leandro. We passed signs for that and Oakland after getting on the highway.

What could possibly be out this way God knows? It's all mountain country as far as I know. Jax said they were taking back what belonged to them, so the guns the Mayans stole from them? My hands gripped the wheel tighter, causing my knuckles to go white as I continued to follow behind them. The axles hummed beneath my feet as I drove down the cracked and fading highway. The sun was beginning to set down behind the mountains to my left, painting the sky beautiful shades of reds and oranges, they bled together seamlessly. Beautiful night for a heist, right?

After riding the highway for about an hour the guys decided to get off the highway, heading down a dirt road. I couldn't follow them because Juice had waited at the end of the road on his bike blocking it off, so I stopped a few hundred feet back and parked behind a shit ton of overgrown shrubs. They didn't come back out on their bikes; instead they were now driving a sleek black Chevy utility van. They took the roads leading into the small industrial town of San Leandro.

It made sense if they were getting their gun supply back, they'd need a way to transport it. I couldn't see them trekking back to Charming with guns strapped to their backs on bikes. That'd be a red flag there.

We came into the small town full of old warehouses and huge buildings. Some of the faded signs read _Harrison Meat Packing & Co, Allstate Brick and Mortar Services, Marcalva Industrial Storage_… I killed the lights on my car and pulled over when I noticed the van had stopped up ahead. The street we were on was vacant and eerie. From the looks of it we were parked behind some old metal building that had been surrounded with a barbed wire security fence. This place looked like it needed to be burned down, not secured.

I chewed my nails nervously as I watched the guys get out of the van, one by one. I spotted Jax with a black beanie cap on his head; he looked sort of cute with it on. I kept glancing up and down the street nervously as I slumped down in my seat trying to be discreet. I didn't want them to get caught by the cops or the Mayans and I didn't want to be caught by them. Jax knows my car, if he sees it. I'm screwed.

The guys took a pair of bolt cutters and cut the chain link fence open slowly, creating a big enough hole to climb through to get on the premises. Clay, Chibbs, Jax, and Juice and Deacon all made it through the fence quickly, moving out of my line of sight. Dammit, where the hell are the going now? Taking a deep breath I opened my car door and got out, feeling my hands shaking slightly as I quietly closed it behind me. I jogged across the street glancing over my shoulder repeatedly for fear of someone seeing me or them. I didn't know which. I crept up towards the chain link fence and peaked around the corner to see the guys' breaking and entering into one of the buildings. Everything in me was screaming to turn around and go home and pretend I didn't lose my mind and follow them…. Something kept pulling me towards them, like a magnetic force.

I climbed through the opening in the fence careful not to scrape my arms on the point ends of the fence and stayed close to the buildings, keeping myself hidden in the shadows. They all had flashlights, I could see them flickering through the buildings windows ahead of me. I'll be sure to put that on the list for my next stakeout or whatever the hell this is called. _Insanity. Craziness. Suicide_. All of those seemed to fit.

Quietly and swiftly I crept up to one of the windows to the building the guys were in and tried to peer in, except I was too short. Fuck. Apparently I got the height gene from my mother. I noticed stacks and stacks of empty milk crates nearby and decided to try and stand on one. It gave me just enough of a height boost to see inside, I just hoped it didn't buckle under my little bit of weight.

It was hard to see inside, the window was dirty and the glass was half fogged, but I could make out the figures of everyone as they walked around cautiously. Cardboard boxes and wooden crates lined the inside of the warehouse. Juice and Deacon were walking around cutting the boxes open. "Hey, we got em' boys!" Juice hollered, not very stealthy I might add, pulling a fully automatic M-4 out of the box. I guess those aren't just seen on Call of Duty.

"Holy shit…" I whispered surprised and stunned standing on my tiptoes to get a better view. The crate beneath my feet rocked a little as I shifted my weight, knocking me off balance for a split heart stopping second.

"We got the rest over here." Deacon hissed, holding up another one. God, how many of those did they need. Why didn't the Mayans just buy them from SAMCRO? Why steal them and blow up a building in the process. It doesn't make sense, at least not to me anyway. That seems to be the theme lately, nothing makes sense to me.

"Good, get them loaded in the van. Let's wire this damn shithole up already." Clay ordered harshly, his voice gruff as he walked over to Jax. He was kneeling on the ground removing wires and sticks of dynamite from the sack he'd carried inside. Holy shit, they're not seriously going to blow this place up are they?

"What's the hold up?" Clay barked, shining the light in Jax's face. If someone shined a flashlight directly in my face, I'm sorry, but they'd be getting a swift punch to the throat. Jax glared up at Clay holding a few tangled red wires in his hand as he fished his cell out of his pocket.

"Nothing," Jax snapped annoyed, focusing his attention on his cell phone, "I've just got to check something with Opie." He finished saying, Opie must be the guy he picked up the explosives from. Glancing over to the other side of the building I noticed Deacon helping Chibbs and Tig carry the guns back out to the van on the street.

The faint sound of a motor running startled me, causing me to whip my head around towards the direction the whirring had come from, as I turned my head the crate beneath me gave out forcing me back onto the ground with a loud thud. "Fuck..." I mumbled under my breath lying on the asphalt stunned, I grabbed the back of my head where a stinging sensation had formed as I got to my feet. The front gates to the property had begun to clank open... We're not alone anymore.

"You hear that?" Deacon said from inside the building. That was really loud. I stayed glued to the side of the building standing under the window in the shadows.

"We've got company!" Tig announced abruptly. Yeah, this is the worst idea I've ever had. I'm done. I'm out of here.

Making a break for it before the front gate opened the rest of the way up I took off in a run, trying to make back to the chain link fence I'd came in through, but to no avail. In order to make it back to the hole in the fence I'd have to go past the front gate and risk being spotted. The gate was nearly opened now, men talking in Spanish were laughing behind the part of the gate that had yet to be opened. I spotted a few overflowing dumpsters and ran for them, good hiding spot as any, feeling my heart pounding in my chest with each step.

I knelt down on my knees behind the dumpster quickly, ignoring the rats that scattered and scurried past my feet. This is so fucking gross. Wooden pallets helped keep me hidden and out of sight. I've never been more thankful for a piece of rotting wood in my entire life. I heard the truck pass through the gate and continue forward stopping right in front of the dumpster I was hiding behind. I could hear the truck doors opening and slamming shut and flinched with each loud bang. This is bad. If I hadn't lost my mind and followed them I'd be at the hospital waiting for Jax eating shitty banana pudding with my mom and watching American Idol and laughing at the idiots that audition and dance instead of sing.

Bravely I took a chance and peeked around the corner of the dumpster to see where the men had gone and saw Jax and Clay huddled behind a tall stack of wooden pallets arguing, guns drawn. Obviously they knew the other people were here, but I didn't know what they were going to do about it. Clay kept attempting to charge forward, and every time Jax pulled him back. I could hear the guys talking in Spanish still which meant they were close, I just couldn't see them.

My eyes darted back over to Jax and Clay once again, as Jax ran out from behind the wooden pallets and grabbed a wooly dirty moving blanket off the top of one of the pallets and wrapped it around him-self. What is he doing? I wanted to yell, you idiot just stay hidden, but I couldn't. Jax started to stumble over his own feet as he came closer to me and the guys, singing an old country song in a weird voice that normally would make me laugh. As he got closer I bit my lip and clenched my fists at my sides shaking. I peeked around the corner again just as Jax was about to walk by, his eyes caught mine and I froze terrified. He stared at me for an instant and continued forward playing the part of a drunken homeless person.

"Tell your dirt bag buddies, they camp out here, they get some of this." Someone laughed out, in front of the dumpster. I heard a thwack and the dumpster get nudged and flinched; someone had gotten punched hard and fallen into it.

"No, bang, bang, por favor." I heard Clay hiss vehemently, "You tell your dirt bag buddies, they steal from Sam Crow, they get some of this." Clay said before I heard a loud ear piercing gunshot ring out several times.

My hands instinctively went over my ears as I squeezed my eyes shut pretending I was somewhere else. The gunshot rang out loudly reverberating through the quiet night air. Between the sound of my heart pounding and the ringing in my ears I barely heard the scuffling off feet and the gun hit the ground beside me and the dumpster.

My eyes stayed glued to the black handgun lying on the ground next to me. I heard shoes scuffling the ground and peeked over my shoulder to see Jax standing nearby with his gun drawn out in front of him, holding someone at gun point. Our eyes met briefly, he had a large bloody gash below his left eye, he shook his head slightly, as in saying do not move or make a sound. I didn't even realize I had started to cry until I tasted the salty tears on my lips as they streamed down my face.

"Holy shit, what the hell happened?" Deacon yelled out, as him and the other guys came running up behind Jax. I turned back around and stayed quiet behind the dumpster fighting off the urge to puke or scream.

"Go check the back, make sure this is all of them." Jax instructed sternly, his voice so familiar now and almost soothing. Boots hit the ground with thuds as the guys took off in the direction they'd come from.

"He's all yours," Clay snapped most likely to Jax. As I braced myself for another loud bang from the bullet leaving the chamber I heard the guy talking in Spanish. I sucked at Spanish in high school, but I did pick up a few words here and there, like 'please don't kill me, please spare me.' My heart broke as I prayed Jax wouldn't do it. But, deep down inside me, way deep down, I knew he had too. Jax was going to murder this guy in cold blood at point blank range.

I heard something coming from my left and looked around the side of the dumpster to see a hooded figure moving closer through the shadows. When he stepped into the light I saw the hand gun in his hand pointed straight for Jax, heart pumping, my eyes caught the handgun lying on the ground a few feet away from me. The guy moved closer keeping his sights set on Jax. I waited for him to fall to the ground, hoping someone else would see him and shoot him, but they didn't.

Slowly, I reached for the gun and picked it up, feeling the cold weight of it in my hand. My hands trembled as I lifted it up, hands still shaking I gradually started to get to my feet. The guy crept closer towards Jax and in an instant he pulled the trigger, sending five bullets flying through the air. Only they hadn't come from him they'd come from me. I heard Jax groan in pain and another two shots ring out sending my ear drums into overdrive. The guy fell to the ground, blooding pouring out of his chest as another two shots rang out as Clay shot the guy Jax had been holding at gun point. I couldn't hear as I moved the rest of the way around the side of the dumpster with the gun still in my hand.

"You alright?" Clay yelled to Jax, but it sounded so far away. I stood their half hunched over ready to fall to the ground and curl myself in the fetal position. Everything moved in slow motion as Jax got up off the ground with Clay's assistance.

"I'm good, I got the vest on." Jax reassured him, as the others came running. I just shot someone... I stared at the guy's lifeless body lying on the ground twenty feet away.

"Why is she here?" Deacon exclaimed, stepping towards me in pure shock. I stumbled backwards into the side of the dumpster scared out of my mind.

"What is she doing here?" Clay snapped, as everyone looked at me standing their eyes wide open, like a deer in the headlights or a raccoon getting caught rummaging through the garbage.

Jax walked over to me and stood in front of me slowly taking the gun out of my hand and slipping into the waistband of his pant. "We have to call the cops, he needs an ambulance." I stuttered, feeling my pockets for my phone and pulling it out. "He's going to die, we have to get him to a hospital." I shrieked, tears running down my face. Jax grabbed my arms and made me look at him for a moment.

"Jesus Christ, we need to move. All that gunplay's probably drawn a lot of attention this way. Let's finish this and get the hell out of here." Clay snapped harshly, pointing his gun at me. Jax stood in front of me, keeping me behind him, holding his hand out protectively, as Deacon pointed his gun at Clay.

"Put the god damn gun down, Clay. For Christ sake you aren't shooting my kid, she isn't going to say anything, she just did us a favor." Deacon hissed angry that Clay would even consider shooting me, "Rowan won't be a problem." Jax said coming to my defense. "I'll handle it." He said, grabbing me by the elbow and dragging me away from the others. I looked back over my shoulder to see Deacon lower his gun and the others standing over one of the bodies on the ground.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Jax whispered pissed, as he slung me in front of him. I was in shock and not thinking clearly, crying. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down as I wiped my eyes, "I-I-I don't know..." I whispered through the tears shaking violently.

Jax placed his hands on my neck, cradling my face forcing me to look at him. His eyes were dark and hooded as he stared back at me. "Where's your car?" He asked calmly, still holding my face in his hands. I could easily see him snapping my neck right here and now with ease, but knew better. Jax wasn't going to hurt me.

"D-d-down the block." I stuttered out, as he pulled me in closer towards him. He pressed his forehead against mine and nodded his head slightly.

"Walk to your car, keep your head down. Drive back to St. Thomas and wait for me. _Don't_ stop anywhere, _don't_ talk to anyone, and _don't do_ anything. Just wait for me. Okay?" Jax instructed as I shook my head no. I just helped kill someone... This is all wrong.

"I killed him..." I whimpered out, as he shook his head no. "No, you didn't. You were never here. I killed him. Understand? You didn't do anything wrong. This is on me. Now go!" He barked pushing me back slightly. I swallowed the lump in my throat and stumbled backwards looking at him through blurry eyes.

"GO!" He yelled again, forcefully. This time I turned on my heel and ran until I made it back to the hole in the fence.

* * *

St. Thomas felt like a second home to me. I guess because I've spent so much time here. When I pulled into the parking lot it felt like my mother had just enveloped me in a warm embrace. The tears had stopped flowing about half way back to Charming. Now I just felt numb. Jax's words echoed in my mind. _"I killed him. This is on me."_ Those words ran on a loop in my brain. Tonight I had taken someone else's life. The light in their eyes had drained because I pulled the trigger, but if I hadn't done what I did Jax could have been killed. Had he not been wearing a bullet proof vest...

The waiting room in the NICU was small, a few lounge chairs and coffee tables filled the room, along with the vending machines along the far wall. I sat with my knees tucked under my chin on the floor beside on of the chairs with my back against the wall, rocking myself back and forth. I couldn't face my mother without falling apart, so I waited here for Jax, like he told me too. I hadn't spoken to anyone since I arrived at the hospital either. I watched as the nurses bustled back and forth in their mint green and light pink scrubs. It all blurred together though, the sounds of the hospital and the colors of the nurses uniforms.

As I lifted my head off of my knee I saw Gemma striding down the hall. I'd know her hair anywhere. She made the light blonde streak in her hair work well. Her eyes narrowed when she saw me and made her way towards me. I really didn't want to talk to anyone least of all her.

"You waiting on Jax?" Gemma asked like she already knew the answer. I got to my feet slowly and nodded my head.

"Yeah, he wanted to see Abel. Asked if I'd come with him. How did his surgery go?" I asked hopeful. Gemma smiled lightly, "The boy's a Teller after all. He kicked the surgeries ass." She boasted, as I lowered my head and smiled lightly.

"That's really great to hear." I whispered, noticing Jax striding down the hall behind Gemma.

"Mom, what's the word on the kid?" He asked as he stopped behind her.

"Looks like he's going to see his first birthday." Gemma replied, hugging Jax while I leaned against the wall nervously picking at my nails.

"That's great," Jax said, breathing out a sigh of relief. I could actually see a small weight being lifted off of his shoulders.

"I'm just heading to the cafeteria to get a cup of coffee, you want anything baby?" Gemma said placing a hand on Jax's cheek gently, inspecting the cut on his perfect face. I wondered if she knew what had happened tonight.

"I'm good, mom. I'll catch up with you." Jax replied sending Gemma on her way leaving me alone with him. I didn't know what to say. There were no words to explain how I felt right now.

Jax took my hand gently in his own hand and pulled me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he snaked his around my waist tightly, holding me as close as possible. I breathed him in as I nestled my head in the crook of his neck, feeling the warmth of his hand through my shirt as he touched the small of my back. "It's gonna be okay." He whispered in my ear, cradling the back of my head with his hand. I pulled back ever so slightly, letting our noses brush against each other. How could anything ever be okay again?

I noticed a few drops of blood on the color of his white undershirt and unzipped his hoodie a little to see even more blood stains on the front of his shirt. Jax took my hand in his own and lowered his head looking away, like he didn't want me to see it. I grabbed his hand and led him to the bathroom, closing the door behind us.

"What are you doing?" Jax asked quietly, as I turned the water on in the sink and pulled a handful of paper towels out of the dispenser.

"You can't see Abel like this." I stated, looking at him waiting for him to take off his shirts. Blood stains lined the side of his neck as well. I wet the paper towels in the sinks and then dabbed the gash on his cheek lightly, trying not to hurt him anymore. Jax flinched a little at my touch but didn't complain.

"You don't need to do this. He's not going to see me anyway, his eyes are probably closed still. It doesn't matter." Jax tried to persuade me to stop, but I blatantly ignored him and continued to wipe his cheek. He touched my wrist causing me to look at him.

"It does matter! It's called having a little respect for your child. Plus, I need to keep busy, because if I stop and think about what happened tonight, I'm going to fall apart even more than I already have and trust me you don't want that. Okay? So, shut up and take off your shirt." I snapped at him, as he nodded his head in understanding. I've never told a guy to take off his shirt before. I surprised myself with that order.

Jax removed his cut, letting it rest on the counter and I unzipped his hoodie for him just keeping my mind focused on the task at hand. Jax shrugged out of the hoodie, wincing slightly in pain. He hooked his thumb in the back of his shirt and pulled it over his head swiftly leaving him in a black bullet proof vest. Every time he tried to unstrap the vest he winced in pain until I finally just did it myself. My eyes fell on the two torn spots on the vest where Jax had been hit. If he hadn't been wearing this tonight he would probably be dead right now, like the guy you shot. I swallowed the lump in my throat and let the vest fall to the floor.

"What were you thinking following us tonight?" He whispered frustrated with me, while I stared at his chest in shock and awe. I haven't seen many shirtless guys in front of me and the ones that I have seen don't even come close in comparison to Jax Teller. I looked away and wet more paper towels and began helping him wipe the streaks of dried blood off of his chest.

"I don't know, okay. I wanted to know more about Deacon. I wanted to know what he did for the club. It doesn't make sense to you, but at the time it did to me! I know it was completely stupid, and I regret it! " I explained letting the words fall out of my mouth like verbal vomit.

"You could have been killed, Rowan. I mean Jesus Christ. Did you not think about that?" Jax hissed staring down at me, furiously. He grabbed my arms and caused me to look up at him cautiously. "I don't want anything to happen to you, Rowan." Jax said sincerely, touching my face gently with his thumb.

"Well, clearly we've established that I wasn't thinking tonight." I told him satisfied with the amount of blood I had cleaned off of him.

"I'll say," Jax retorted, staring down at me with those baby blue's.

"I'm sorry for following you guys," I croaked out, hardly holding it together. I grabbed his hoodie off the floor and handed it to him; he put it on while I tossed the bloody towels in the trash.

I placed my hands on the counter and looked in the mirror, not wanting to see my reflection but needing to remember who I am. I felt a wave of emotions coursing through me and placed my hands over my face. I felt Jax pulling on my elbow and stepped into his chest. He locked his strong arms around me, making me feel instantly safe and secure and cradled the back of my head in his hand, forcing me to look up at him.

"Listen to me; you did what you thought you had to do. If I hadn't been wearing that vest and he shot at me I'd probably be dead right now. It was self-defense, Rowan." Jax whispered to me, as I buried my head in his chest, breathing in his calming scent.

"What happens now?" I whispered into his chest almost inaudibly.

"Now we try to forget and move on. I promise, it's all going to be okay." Jax reassured me, planting a small kiss on the top of my head. I pulled back and wiped my eyes and took a few deep breaths trying to compose myself. Hold it together Rowan, just a little longer. Don't fall apart completely. Not yet, not here.

"Let's go see Abel." I said as he reached for my hand, he picked up his cut and wrapped it around the vest and led me out of the bathroom. People stared at us because we were both in the bathroom at the same time. I glared at them and walked closely beside Jax, letting him intertwine our fingers together, ignoring everything around me.

Jax led me to the room Abel was recovering in, slowly we walked in and Jax sat his vest down on the couch along the back wall never letting go of my hand. My eyes fell upon an incubator across the room. The sound of breathing machines filled our ears as we stepped closer to the incubator, inside lied Abel. He was no bigger than a small mango or papaya. Tubes and wires snaked in and out of him helping to keep him alive.

"Oh my god, Jax. He's so tiny." I whispered as I took in all of his little features. He had Jax's button nose that was for sure and his fingers and toes were so tiny. I glanced at Jax to see him staring down at his son in admiration, tears welling in his eyes.

"He's perfect." Jax said holding back the tears, but eventually letting them out. He placed his hand on top of the incubator and looked over at me squeezing my hand gently...


	12. Chapter 12: Aftermath

**_A/N: Don't really think this is my best chapter, but yeah, more to come soon! Review if you want too!_ **

**Chapter 12: Aftermath**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

I awoke the following morning curled into Jax's side lying on the couch in Abel's recovery room. We had sat down for a few minutes last night to talk and before we knew it we were both out cold. Jax's arm was draped over my shoulder, as my head rested against the side of his chest. Groggily, I sat up slowly glancing up to see Jax staring back at me. He was wide awake, but still letting me lay on him. I felt numb and sick to my stomach as I sat on the edge of the couch trying to wake up for the day.

The sound of all the guns going off still echoed in my ears, but the one that came from the gun in my hand rang out the loudest. What had I done last night? How do I handle something like this? I thought I was protecting Jax by shooting that man at the warehouse, but it doesn't make it any better. I still took someone's life last night. The moment I put my finger on the trigger and pulled it everything ended for him. Obviously, he wasn't an upstanding citizen by any means, but he was still a human being with a beating heart. He was still a person with a family, someone's son, someone's brother, someone's father.

"You should have woken me up?" I yawned out, resting my elbows on my knees. Jax sat up beside me and cracked his neck with a pop, before copying my motions.

"You had a rough night; I figured you could use the extra sleep. Besides, you looked so peaceful I couldn't bring myself to wake you up." Jax informed me with a small smirk, as I looked over at him. A few small bruises were visible on his cheekbone where he'd been punched. I wondered if it was sore but didn't ask. After everything that has happened I couldn't tell if he was flirting with me or not.

"I murdered someone last night. Am I going to jail? My prints are all over that gun. What do I do now? Do I leave Charming? I can't leave without my mom." I said quietly, shaking my head trying to wrap my mind around what had happened and what I'd done. Yesterday, I was a normal girl living a normal practically boring life, and today I'm a murderer? How is that even possible? Well, obviously I know how it's possible, but still.

"Rowan, slow down and breath for a second." Jax whispered over the whir of the machines connected to Abel. He placed his hand on my back and turned towards me slightly, "You're not going anywhere. You're sure as hell not going to jail. It's all taken care of, trust me. No one will ever know about any of this. I promise you." Jax assured me, giving me a stern look.

I believed him; at least I wanted to believe him. Jax's phone vibrated in his pocket. I watched him pull it out and check it before placing it back in his pocket. I had the feeling that he needed to go, but part of me wanted him to stay here because with him here I didn't feel like I would lose my mind.

"You can't let this eat you up, darling. Go see your mom, get a shower, some food maybe a little more sleep," Jax instructed as he got to his feet placing a hand on the side of my cheek. I didn't mind all of the touching and psychical contact we had with one another. His hand was warm and soothing against my cool clammy skin. It felt comforting and I think he knew that.

"I'll swing by later to check on the kid most likely, I'll check in with you then." Jax said, letting his hand slowly fall from my cheek. I nodded my head and stood up.

We both wondered over towards Abel lying swaddled inside the incubator. Jax placed his hand on top of the incubator and stared down at his sleeping son. Seeing something this innocent and precious really puts things into perspective.

A small smile formed on my lips as Abel squirmed in his sleep and a tiny glimpse of a grin formed on his little lips, but it quickly faded for the both of us. Jax must have seen me, because he placed a hand on my shoulder and gave it a light squeeze causing me to look at him sideways. Why he's being so nice to me is beyond my comprehension.

"I hope my stupidity doesn't get you or Deacon in trouble with Clay." I started to say, when Jax shook his head dismissing my comment.

"Don't worry about it, we can handle Clay." Jax assured me, returning his gaze back to Abel and his hand to the small of my back. Tingles shot up my spine as we stood next to each other. Jax checked his phone again as I crossed my arms over my chest. I didn't want to linger and make him hang around because of me so I gave him a small half hearted smile and headed for the door.

"Rowan, I'll see you later." Jax said looking at me with concern, I nodded my head before stepping out into the hall.

* * *

After leaving Jax I made three laps around the hospital before finally ending up back at my mothers room. I needed to make sure I could keep my shit together before going anywhere near her otherwise she would know something is wrong and I couldn't bare that. I couldn't tell her what I'd done. I pushed the door to her room open and walked inside, seeing her sitting up slightly in her hospital bed watching the food network channel, as usual. I honestly didn't know how she could stand to watch all of these food shows when she could hardly keep ice chips down most days. It was torture, in my opinion. But, she never wanted me to change the channel.

"Hey, mom." I whispered as I sat down on the edge of her bed. She looked at me and gave me a small grin, her eyes half closed as she took my hand in her own.

"Where were you last night? You had me worried a little." She asked, as I stared blankly at the television hanging on the wall trying to think of a quick excuse for where I'd been all night. Oh, you know me mom, just out shooting people in the chest... Yeah, that wouldn't go over to well.

"Oh, I just hung out with Lena after my shift at Teller-Morrow. I ended up falling asleep at her place." I said a little too cheerfully, my mother studied my face looking for the tell-tale signs that I was lying. I scratched the back of my head nervously as I got off the bed and walked over to my little corner of the room and peered out of the windows. Charming was still moving along at turtle speed as if nothing horrible had happened the previous night.

"Where'd the SAMCRO shirt come from?" My mother asked, as I mentally jumped out the window. I turned on my heel and looked down at my shirt, shit. I rolled my eyes and bit my lip as I looked at her.

"Where did it come from, Rowan?" She pressed again, trying to keep her voice stern and motherly, except it came out course and croaked. I shrugged my shoulders and picked the black nail polish off my thumbnail.

"Rowan, please tell me you aren't seeing one of those god awful men, because I swear if you are I will…" She snapped harshly, getting herself all riled up. Her heart monitor spiked as it beeped repeatedly.

"Mom, I'm not seeing anyone! Calm down. It's Jax's, I spilled soda on myself at the garage and he let me borrow it. It's no big deal." I explained exasperated, lying out of my ass. Jax and I aren't seeing each other, but would it really be that bad if we were? Probably, I've only been in a few relationships that flamed out as soon as the match was lit.

"Deacons one of those God awful men and you were with him. Maybe I want to be just like you mom." I blurted out sarcastically, without thinking glaring at my mother. She shook her head and sat herself up in her bed more staring at me intently.

"I don't want you to make the same mistakes I've made. I want better for you." She explained, too late for that I thought, scoffing to myself. It's my own damn fault though. If I hadn't followed them I never would have put myself in that situation and I never would have done what I did, but it happened and now I have to live with it.

"Then why didn't you leave Charming? Take me and get the hell out of this shithole?" I snapped back at her, knowing I needed to get my anger in check. I was angry about what happened last night and taking it out on her and it wasn't right or fair, but these were all questions I wanted answers too. I've been kept in the dark for twenty one years, I'd like to shed some light on a few things at least.

"I wanted too, believe me I did. But, that wasn't what your father…that wasn't what Deacon and I had agreed upon." She stated, fixing the crocheted beanie cap on her head. I shook my head and dug through my bag of clothes so I could go take a shower. I pulled out an old greyish Rolling Stones muscle tee and a pair of faded ripped skinny jeans and tossed them over my arm.

"I'm going to get a shower." I mumbled, as I headed into the little bathroom and shut the door and locked it. I rested my back against the door and closed my eyes slowly sliding down to the ground.

After about ten minutes I forced myself up off the floor and into the shower. The hot water beat down on me like a waterfall as I tried to convince myself to relax. I felt wired and antsy like I was waiting for someone to come and arrest me for what I'd done. Jax said they had taken care of it. I'd been to scared to ask what the hell that meant. I'm in way over my head with everything. It feels like my head is just barely staying above water right now.

The shower did little to calm my nerves, so I didn't stay in too long. As I ran a towel through my hair my phone buzzed on the counter by the sink until it rattled it's way onto the floor. The dinky little phone was sturdier than it looked because it didn't break. It was better than the other phone I had shattered a few days ago. Picking the phone up I saw I had a new text message from Gemma, Need you at TM today, reorganizing the office, her text read. Be there in a bit, I replied back and shoved my cell into my back pocket. I pulled my hair up into a bun without looking at myself in the mirror. I cleaned up the mess in the bathroom and walked back out to see a nurse looking over my mothers vitals. She gave me a warm smile as I watched her.

"I've got to run out for a bit, but I'll be back later." I told my mother. I leaned down and kissed her forehead and got out of there before she could even say a word.

* * *

It was a little after one in the afternoon when I made it to Teller-Morrow. Before I left the hospital I stopped by Abel's room and watched him for a little while and then stopped by Franny's Diner to pick up my joke of a paycheck. I couldn't get over how little Abel was. He could wrap his entire hand around my index finger. His little finger nails were no bigger than a grain of rice. Jax and Wendy made one beautiful little guy. I noticed all of the guys bikes lined up outside of the clubhouse which told me Deacon was most likely here. Great.

The office looked like a bomb had gone off inside of it as I stood in the doorway. Folders were stacked on top of the desk and on the floor. Gemma looked up at me over the rim of her glasses from her spot behind the desk, "You finally decided to show up?" She scoffed as I took a deep breath and entered the office.

"Sorry, what do you need me to do?" I asked ready to do something, anything at all to keep my mind busy and distracted.

"Go through the file cabinet and pull out anything relating to Bluebird. I know you know about the warehouse being ours." Gemma stated, in a snide voice. I walked over to the file cabinet and began searching through the folders of endless papers. Was there anything that this woman didn't know about? I mean seriously.

"Dumb move following the boys, sweetheart." Gemma said after the silence has become to calming between us. I froze and chewed on the inside of my jaw not sure what to say."You're lucky your family, or you wouldn't be standing upright right now." Gemma told me as I tried my best to ignore her comments and continuing sifting through all the paperwork.

"For a girl that was smart enough to get into Medical School in Boston you sure are pretty stupid." Gemma went on, forcing me to turn and look at her.

"How the hell do you know I got into medical school in Boston? I never told anyone that, not even Jax?" I questioned, staring her down.

"Darling, I had Juice run a background check on you after I found out you followed the boys. I know a lot more than you think. The question is, does your momma know you turned down that offer?" Gemma challenged me back. I'd applied to Boston Med before my mother was diagnosed. I got the letter in the mail saying I'd been accepted, but rejected it because I couldn't just pack up my life and move away and leave my ailing mother behind and she would never leave Charming. If she knew I turned the offer down because of her it would kill her.

"Don't talk about my mother or what she knows and doesn't know, you don't know her and thank god for that." I snapped harshly, glaring at Gemma over my shoulder.

"I like you, kid, you've got Deacons temper. But, you've got a lot to learn, baby girl." Gemma said giving me a smirk. What the hell is that supposed to mean. I bit my tongue and continued to pull out papers regarding The Bluebird warehouse and feed them to Gemma. The only reason I'm not telling her off more than I already have is because I need this job. Then again maybe leaving in a card board box would be less of a headache.

"A guy named Jerry came in looking for you early this morning." Gemma told me, getting up to fix herself a cup of coffee on the other side of the room. I gripped the file cabinet drawer and looked over my shoulder at her swallowing the lump in my throat. That asshole.

"What did he want?" I asked hesitantly. He probably wanted his rent money no doubt.

"He wanted to know when you'd be in, said you owed him a lot of money. So, I took care of it for you." Gemma informed me, stirring some creamer into her coffee mug.

"What do you mean you took care of it? You paid him the rent money I owed? Why would you do that?" I asked, incredulously. Is she insane?

"It's what we do for family around here, darling." Gemma said nonchalantly, like it was no big deal. Gemma gave me a tiny smirk as she sat back down behind the desk. Okay, this woman officially creeps me the hell out. It's like talking to Jekyll and Hyde. One minute she's telling me I'm a moron and the next she's calling me family?

"You shouldn't have done that. I can't believe you would do that." I replied, at a loss for words. That was like $3,000 worth of rent money. The phone rang and Gemma answered it.

The office door swung open and in walked Juice, covered in grease and sweat.

"What do you need?" Gemma asked, glancing over at him.

"Have you seen Jax? I need his help in this custom job and I don't where he is." Juice said, helping himself to the snacks in the mini fridge.

"He's probably in the clubhouse." Gemma told him, "Rowan can go fetch him for you. I just cleaned in there and don't need you dirtying it all up again." She said, looking over at me then back at Juice.

I slammed the file cabinet shut and headed out of the office towards the clubhouse. The place smelled like cleaning products mixed with vomit and beer as I wondered through the lounge area. I finally spotted Bobby on the couch and walked over towards him.

"Do you know where Jax is? Juice needs him in the garage?" I said, taking in the mugshots framed and hanging on the wall. They were all displayed proudly.

"Last I saw him he was heading upstairs. Last door on the right." Bobby said with a smirk, before continuing to eat muffins out of a brown paper bag. I nodded my head and headed for the stairs.

The hallway was paneled wood making it even darker than it really was. I admired the photos of motorcycles hanging framed on the wall as I went. As I approached the last door on the left I noticed the door wasn't fully closed. I knocked on the door instead of barging right in. I could hear people moving on the other side and knocked again when no one responded, causing the door to open slightly. I didn't realize I'd knocked that freaking hard.

My eyes landed on Jax straddling some half dressed blonde chick. "Oh my god," I whispered astonished, when Jax finally looked over at me. He cursed and got off of the girl pulling the covers over on himself. I closed the door quickly and turned to run back down the stairs frozen in my tracks for a brief moment before taking off down the hall.

"Rowan, wait." Jax called after me, causing me to stop walking and turn to see him standing in the door way with a sheet wrapped around his waist. He ran a hand through his messy hair. I felt the heat rush to my cheeks as I stared at him like a moron. I literally just walked in on him having sex with some girl.

"I am so sorry, Juice is looking for you! The door just opened and I'm gonna go walk into oncoming traffic now." I said sarcastically, turning and heading down the hall as quickly as possible, feeling the heat rising in my cheeks and the sound of my heart pounding rapidly in my ears as I went. I haven't seen many half naked men in my lifetime, but the ones I have had the pleasure of seeing couldn't compare to Jax Teller...


	13. Chapter 13: What The Hell Was That?

**Chapter 13: What was that, Teller?**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Mortified, I made my way back down the stairs into the clubhouse lounge. I had seriously just walked in on Jax and some other girl having sex. I didn't even know he had a girlfriend. Although, I doubt she was his girlfriend, he doesn't really seem like the girlfriend type of guy. Who has sex in the middle of the day anyway though? It's not even three o'clock in the afternoon. I felt flustered and confused as hell as I rounded the corner coming down off the steps. It felt like someone had ripped my heart out and stomped on it for some reason and I didn't know why. Jax and I may have shamelessly flirted with each other a few times, but it was nothing serious. Yet, the stinging sensation forming in my eyes is sending me completely different signals.

You're a complete moron, I thought to myself as I walked past the bar and slammed my hands into the door leading back outside. The warm humid air swarmed around me, almost choking me it seemed as I stormed back towards the office, keeping my head down. I was staring at the asphalt as it glinted in the shining sun not paying attention to where I was going and smacked right into a brick wall, or someone that felt like a brick wall. My eyes snapped up immediately as I began to apologize, only to see Deacon staring back at me forcing the words to get caught in the back of my throat.

"Easy there, kiddo." He said staring at me through the tint of his sunglasses. He wore his cut over his work clothes proudly. "You've got your mother's lack of coordination."

"I get a lot of things from my mom." I mumbled quietly, tucking some hair behind my ear. Deacon gave me a warm smile and nodded his head. He sighed and placed his hands on his hips as he glanced around the lot then let his eyes fall back to me.

"I'm glad we ran into each other. We need to talk about last night." Deacon said sternly, making me feel like a small child being scolded for eating chocolate chip cookies before dinner.

"That's what we need to talk about?" I half scoffed and stared at the ground, completely uncomfortable. I couldn't get the images of Jax and that girl out of my brain. I'd have to bleach my eyeballs before I could see clearly again.

"I don't know what the hell was running through your mind, but you could have been killed last night..." Deacon began to lecture me, like he's done it my entire life. I placed a hand in the air, cutting him off mid- sentence.

"Save the protective fatherly speech. Jax beat you to it. I already know it was wrong and I'm going to carry it with me for the rest of my life. I don't need you to swoop in after twenty one years of nothing, and pretend to give a damn about me!" I snapped out harshly, stepping away from him to head back into the office leaving him standing their speechless. I felt a hand clamp around my arm stopping me and turn to see Deacon staring down at me with a painful expression on his face.

"I understand where your anger is coming from. Hell, I'd be pissed off and mad at the world too. But, despite what you think I do care about you, kid. I don't know the first thing about being a father though, and at your age you probably don't need one. But, I do know something about being a friend and I'd like for us to get to that point sometime, when you're ready." He explained to me, as I gently pulled my arm out of his grasp and stared at him intently. I didn't know what I wanted from Deacon, if anything at all.

"I-I don't know how to react to this situation. I have so many questions..." I admitted to him, honestly. I ran my hands down the sides of my cheeks out of frustration and cleared my throat shaking my head. Deacon looked at me with kind eyes and I knew this was as hard for him as it was for me.

"Gemma is having a big family dinner tomorrow night. If you're feeling up to it and it's alright with your mom you should stop by. You can ask me anything you want." Deacon said sincerely, as I was about to open the door to the office it opened for me, almost as if it were on cue. Clay stared back at me alongside Bobby. My eyes flickered to the floor as I walked past him into the office. Less than twenty four hours ago this guy was pointing a gun in my face...

"If it ain't sure shot herself," Clay stated giving me the one over, raising his sunglasses up onto the top of his head. I glared back at him unsure of what to say. I'd severely pissed off the President of an Outlaw biker gang, yet I'm still alive because I have Deacon's blood running through my veins. Maybe I should be a little more grateful to him after all.

"Clay, easy." Deacon warned from behind me. I wondered how many of the other guys knew what I'd done last night.

"What? I'm just giving the pretty girl a compliment. Like you said she did us a favor by taking out that wetback last night." Clay continued to pester me, making me feel like shit for what I'd done. Something told me that he did that a lot with everyone. I felt my hands ball up into fists at my sides and bit my tongue.

"I'm glad I could I be of service to you." I spat out, before turning on my heel and walking out of the office towards my car. I hated this place. I hated SAMCRO. I hated myself most of all. These people were all insane in my opinion.

As I walked to my car I caught a glimpse of the blonde woman that had just been underneath Jax getting into her clunky car, followed by Jax walking out of the clubhouse. His long hair was slicked back like he'd taken a quick shower. I quickly looked away and fished the keys to my car out of my back pocket and fumbled to unlock it.

"Rowan, wait a second." Jax yelled, as he jogged across the parking lot to meet me. I stopped fumbling with the key and turned to see him all but standing beside me.

"I am so sorry about walking in on you, I had no idea the door wasn't latched and when I knocked it just opened." I said anxiously, letting the words fall out rapidly like an idiot who couldn't stop talking. When I'm nervous I tend to talk a lot.

"It's alright," Jax smirked, glancing over his shoulder at the girl pulling off the lot. "That wasn't anything anyway." Jax half laughed, rubbing his chin and then looking back at me. I don't know what's going on between Jax and I. Most likely nothing, but if he was some playboy looking for a one night stand with me it wasn't happening.

"Looked like something to me," I mumbled under my breath crossing my arms over my chest. Jax studied my face and gave me a crooked grin.

"Is that a hint of jealousy I'm sensing, darling?" Jax questioned, arching his eyebrow at me catching me off guard. Damn, he moves fast.

"You wish," I half laughed out sarcastically, opening the door to my car.

"Where are you going?" Jax asked, putting his hand on the edge of the roof of my car to keep me from getting inside. I sighed and looked at him, standing inches away from me and shook my head.

"I can't be here, not after what happened. Please tell your mom that I'm sorry, but I quit." I told him, wanting nothing more than to get as far away from SAMCRO as possible. Jax looked at me concerned and grabbed my hand, only for me to instinctively pull it away from him. We both stared at our hands for a second before looking back up at each other.

"Take a ride with me." Jax asked confidently, putting on the southern boy charm pretty heavily. He arched his eyebrow at me and held out his hand for me to take.

"Won't your girlfriend be jealous?" I quipped staring him down. He licked his bottom lip and shook his head like he knew something I didn't which he probably did.

"Emily isn't my girlfriend. I needed her to do me a solid. That was just what she asked for in return." Jax explained, trying desperately to keep a straight face. A small chuckle escaped from my lips, he can't be serious? Everything in me wanted to leave, but still my hand moved towards his and I followed him to his bike like I've been doing.

"Where are we going?" I asked, skeptically as he got on his bike and kicked the kick stand out from beneath it with his boot. Jax smirked at me making my heart skip a beat as he held out his helmet for me to take.

"Guess you'll have to come to find out, now won't you?" He informed me with another grin. I took my hair down and put the helmet on before hopping onto the back of his bike, securing my arms around his chest.

We took off out of Teller-Morrow and headed out of town away from the hustle and bustle of the center of Charming. It was relaxing to be on the back of his bike. The wind blew my hair around wildly as I closed my eyes and felt the freedom surrounding me. Sunlight beamed down on us as we continued down the road. The roar of the motorcycle made it impossible to talk to one another and I was okay with that. Sometimes you meet a person and you just click. You're comfortable with them, like you've known them your whole life and you don't have to pretend to be anything or anyone when you're with them. I felt like that from the moment Jax crashed into me at the diner. It's a strange feeling, like riding on the back of the motorcycle; it's exhilarating and scary as hell.

Jax turned down unmarked old dirt and gravel road and I watched as the trees went by in a blur. We came to a stop near a quiet rushing river. Once he killed the engine to the bike it was practically quiet, other than the water rushing and rippling down over the embankment. It was beautiful here. We got off the bike and walked up the small slope and sat down in the grass next to each other.

"It's beautiful here." I practically whispered, looking up at the sun glinting through the tree tops. Jax lied back in the grass next to me as I tucked my legs under my chin.

"I like to come here when I need to clear my head. I thought you might like it too." Jax told me as I lied back next to him in the grass. I pulled a blade of grass out of the ground and twirled in between my fingers.

"Clay's an asshole." I muttered after a moment of silence, Jax laughed and looked over at me.

"That's an understatement." He agreed, causing me to smile too. Tiny dimples formed on his cheeks when he laughed or smiled and I found it incredibly adorable to say the least.

"Deacon invited me over for family dinner tomorrow night." I informed him as he continued to stare at me. Jax had this calmness about him that was contagious. He reached over slowly and tucked some hair behind my ear as I bit my lip slightly. He clenched his jaw shut and the tiny muscles in his cheek flexed as he pulled his hand back away from my face.

"You gonna come? I'll be there; you can use me as a buffer if you need too." He offered as I looked away, trying to hide the rosiness of my cheeks from his touch.

"I don't know. It's going to be awkward. Plus, Gemma and Clay aren't exactly welcoming." I pointed out, as we both sat up next to each other. Jax nodded his head in agreement, knowing I had a very valid point.

"You can handle it." Jax joked, nudging my elbow with his own causing me to laugh lightly. It felt hollow though. Like what right do I have to laugh and be happy when I've done this terrible thing?

"No, I don't think I can." I told him, being honest. Jax stared at me out of the corner of his eye and sighed knowing I wasn't really talking about the dinner. I was talking about the guilt I'd now be living with. Something told me he knew a thing or two about feeling guilt as well.

"Tell me something I don't know about you." Jax requested staring at me with a mischievous grin etched across his face. I chuckled and looked at him like he was insane. It was sweet that he was trying to keep my mind distracted though.

"Okay, umm… Well, I've never left Charming. Not even for vacation or anything." I told him, trying not to sound pathetic but failing to do so.

"Seriously, that's as deep as you went? That's just sad." Jax teased, causing me to roll my eyes and laugh. It was sad.

"Well, it's not like we're going to tell each other anything real. What about you? What don't I know about you?" I pointed out, picking at the grass in between Jax and I. His hand was placed next to mine, our fingers gently brushing against each other's every so often.

"I was pissed when I found out Wendy was pregnant with Abel. I hated her for it. The kid being born tweaking and half his belly hanging out was on me. I shut her out because I didn't want to deal with it." Jax said solemnly letting his eyes wonder towards the creek at the end of the hill.

"You guys didn't plan to have him?" I asked curiously.

"No, we were separated for awhile and then we tried to work things out and she ended up knocked up. I knew deep down things would turn bad between us again... I don't know the first thing about being a father and it scares the shit out of me." Jax explained, opening himself up to me for whatever reason. I smiled and lowered my head.

"You're going to make a great father Jax. You already are. You can't put what Wendy did on your shoulders because it's not all your fault, it's hers too." I told him, trying to make him see reason. Sure he feels bad that he didn't stay in touch with her but he didn't hold her down and stick the needles in her arms for her. She did that on her own.

"I told you something real." Jax smirked annoyingly. I took my hand and pushed his face away from me playfully and buried my head in my knees.

"Fine, you got me." I laughed, as I lied back in the grass. Jax turned on his side propping himself up on one elbow and looked at me innocently. Jax reached over and played with the end of my hair, letting it run in between his fingers causing my voice to catch in my throat. For a split second I thought he was going to lean in and kiss me. Did I want him to kiss me?

"We should probably head back." Jax said, clearing his throat. I didn't want to go back. I wanted to stay right here with him away from the reality of our lives.

"Yeah, we should." I forced myself to say, sitting up as Jax got to his feet. He held his hand out to help me up of the ground and pulled me up in one quick swift movement into his chest.

His warm breath hit my cheek, making me go dizzy. Our eyes locked for what felt like forever as I felt his hand grip my waist lightly. His lips were merely inches from my own. I swore he could feel my heart pounding against his chest. Jax caressed my cheek gently and leaned in slowly, closing the gap between us. His lips just barely grazed over my own, sending a shiver down the center of my spine. In an instant our lips connected and I knew I never wanted him to stop kissing me. His tongue grazed over my bottom lip, wanting access to kiss me that way and I granted it to him gladly as he pulled me tighter against his chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck and threaded my fingers through the back of his dirty blonde hair. His warm hand slipped around to palm the small of my back, and I felt it slowly work its way down to Palm my ass and pulled back slightly shocked.

Jax stared back at me with his perfect blue eyes that reminded me of what the Caribbean would look like. The water so clear and blue. I could literally go swimming in his eyes. All rational thinking had ceased to exist when his lips were pressed against my own, but now that we'd broken apart I knew better.

"What the hell was that Teller?" I whispered out of breath as our foreheads remained together, Jax's hand clutched the back of my neck causing me to look up at him.

"You shouldn't have done that." I whispered, shaking my head and pulling away from him. What was he thinking? What was I thinking?

"Is that why you brought me out here?" I asked looking at him incredulously.

"No, of course not. Why would you even think that?" He scoffed, attempting to reach out for my hand.

"I don't know, maybe because you were screwing some girl less than two hours ago." I practically yelled, unintentionally. Jax rolled his eyes and stepped back away from me.

"I want to go home." I demanded, walking away from him and back towards his bike.


	14. Chapter 14: Back To Charming

**A/N: So sorry it's taken this long to update. I haven't been feeling the best since my doctors changed some of my depression medication, all I've wanted to do is sleep. Not good! But, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Also I've changed Rowan's look to a younger Taylor Swift. I think her and Charlie Hunnam make such a sweet couple. :)**

 **Is there anything you'd like to see happen in the upcoming chapters?**

 **Chapter 14: Back To Charming**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

By the time I reached Jax's bike I was completely fuming with anger and confusion, but couldn't bring myself to explode on him. Why had he just kissed me? Was he kissing me because he liked me and just got caught up in the moment? Did he kiss me because he was just trying to get in my pants for a good time? Was he faking an interest in me so I'd keep my mouth shut about what happened the other night? I'll take that to the grave. I could still feel the burning sensation of his lips pressed against my own as I absentmindedly reached up to touch my lips, fighting a smile. My chest swelled as I stood beside his bike waiting for him to make it back up the hill. I heard the stones underneath his shoes crunch as he got closer to me, each step growing louder, echoing in my ears.

When I turned around to see him fishing the keys to his bike out of his pocket I noticed the look of bewilderment etched onto his face. Something in the back of my mind told me he wasn't used to girls reacting that way when he kissed them. My insides screamed for me to say something, anything to him. But nothing came out. The only sound that could be heard came from the crickets chirping and the sway of the trees as a gust of wind blew through. Well this isn't awkward at all...

"Do you always react that way when a guy kisses you? Because if you do, I can see why you're single, or was that your first kiss?" Jax blurted out, catching me off guard like he usually does, obviously not taking the blow to his ego well. I opened my mouth to speak, to tell him to fuck off, but the words caught in my throat and I felt my cheeks warming tremendously as he stared at me intently with those piercing blue eyes. Jesus Christ, Rowan. Get your shit together.

"No, I don't! I've been kissed before, for your information, just not like that." I snapped back, crossing my arms over my chest challenging him back. Jax stepped forward invading my personal bubble, standing directly in front of me. He smirked ducking his head obviously finding my outburst funny. "I can tell you lack experience in that department, darling."

"Excuse me," I half laughed, shaking my head. Is he serious right now? "I have plenty of practice."

"Oh, really? What else do you have practice doing" He smirked, cocking his head to the side. He was seriously teasing me right now. I set myself up for that one though. I picked up the helmet off the back of his bike and placed it on my head, fastening the straps under my chin without even dignifying him with an answer.

"Take me home, Teller." I instructed, glaring at him, waiting for him to get on the bike.

"You want to come see the kid with me?" He asked quietly, already knowing I couldn't say no to seeing Abel's precious little face. I chewed the inside of my lip as he straddled his bike resting his hands over the handle bars waiting for me to make up my mind. It was like our little squabble hadn't even happened.

"I'm only going to see Abel, not because you want me too." I informed him before climbing onto the back of his bike, resting my hands on the tops of his strong broad shoulders. I have no idea what the hell is happening between us right now. This was going to be a long weird ride back into town.

"Whatever you say, darling." Jax replied with a cocky grin, glancing at me over his shoulder. I couldn't help but laugh a little. I don't even know if I like him. Okay, I mean I'd be lying if I said I didn't like him. He's sexy as hell and dangerous and daring and has my stomach fluttering uncontrollably right now. But, he's into some really deep shit with the SAMCRO. He's the Vice President for god sake.

Jax took off down the road, gravel flying in a cloud behind us as we went. Riding his bike terrified the shit out of me, but somehow with him behind the handle bars I still felt incredibly safe. The afternoon sun beat down on us as we flew down the old backroads leading into Charming. Autumn would be here soon and with it would come cooler weather and bare trees. We rarely ever saw snow. That was one of the reasons I wanted to move to Boston for medical school. It snowed there all the time.

I stared at Jax's arms outstretched clutching the throttle and handle bars of his bike. His muscles were taut and his skin was tan. My hands rested on his shoulders like they were meant to be there. He felt relaxed and so at ease while we were riding.

Jax slowed down as we eased to a stop at the stop sign, he rested his feet on the ground to steady the bike as an elderly couple walked across the street. A Jeep rumbled up next to us on the right causing me to glance over to see the Charming PD emblem etched onto the side of the door. My eyes met Deputy Chief Hale's. I gripped Jax's shoulders a little more, uncomfortable with Chief Hale being this close. Did he know what happened the other night? Was he going to arrest me?

"How you doing, Jax? Heard about Wendy and the baby. I'm sorry." He yelled over the roar of Jax's idling bike. Jax glanced over at him and nodded his head.

"Thanks," Jax repulsed curtly, then slowly proceeded through the stop sign, Chief Hale running alongside us, his head hanging out the window. The guy was in his mid thirties, early forties at best. Unser talked about him sometimes when he came into the hospital for his treatments.

"You know, I took a ride out to the streams today. Saw that warehouse that burned down." Hale hollered, as we continued down the road. I felt Jax tense slightly, his relaxed demeanor vanishing. Even from behind I could see his jaw clench shut slightly.

"Outside your jurisdiction, ain't it?" Jax countered back, glancing over at Hale then keeping his eyes on the road. The muscles in his arms tightened as he gripped the handles on his bike more causing me to absentmindedly to wrap my arms around his waist. I felt his hand touch the top of mine, almost in appreciation and felt a flutter in my lower stomach.

"You ever hear of a Bluebird Supply Company? Apparently they hold the title on that parcel." Hale continued to press. What the hell is he getting at here? Wait. Bluebird was the name on the files Gemma wanted me to look for. He's talking about their warehouse. No wonder Jax is tense…

"Never heard of them." He replied, shaking his head. Even over the rumble of the bike I could still tell his voice was unwavering. Hale scoffed and rubbed his chin. I wondered how long he was going to follow us like this.

"Whole area was littered with casings and gun parts. That warehouse was a weapons depot." Hale informed Jax, seemingly ignoring me on the back of the bike.

"No shit?" Jax chirped back, faking shock. I couldn't help but hide a smile behind his shoulder.

"Chief Unser's retiring at the end of this month. I'll be stepping into those shoes. Unser's always had a look-the-other-way policy with the Sons of Anarchy." Hale groaned on.

"Unser's a lazy drunk." Jax retorted.

"I will not look the other way Jax. Just a friendly heads up." Hale warned him, letting his free hand rest in the window to his Jeep. Jax shrugged his shoulders unbothered by his warning. The tension in his Jody had gone away since I wrapped my arms around him. How much does Unser know about SAMCRO I wondered? Finding it hard to believe that little ole Unser would be looking the other way when it comes to the law. I don't know the man very well, but enough to know that he loves his job. But then I guess it would make sense that he'd look the other way, so he could keep his job and quite possibly his life…

"We're all free men, protected by the Constitution. You look any way you want, Chief." Jax challenged him, giving him a sly grin before speeding away from Hale's Jeep.

* * *

We stood in Abel's room watching him squirm around inside his little cocoon. I smiled down at the beautiful little boy and glanced up at Jax to see him doing the same. His hand rested on top of the incubator. I watched as Abel beamed up at Jax and couldn't help but envy his pure innocence. The world hasn't hurt him yet and I doubted Jax would let it. Jax stood so close to me that the hairs on my arm were prickling on end. I felt his hand rest on the small of my back as he wiggled his finger in front of Abel.

"So Hale doesn't really care for the club does he?" I asked nonchalantly, resting my hand next to Jax's on top of the incubator.

"Hale's a dick, he runs around Charming like Captain America." Jax snorted, causing me to laugh. The guy did give off the whole I'm the mighty law vibe. I watched as his pinky finger gently grazed over mine. I didn't move or look at him either. I felt the warmth rushing to my cheeks and didn't want him to see me this flustered. How could he make me feel like this?

"Sounds like he's going to be a problem?" I added after a moment of silence. Jax sighed and ran a hand down the side of his face, the wheels inside his brain turning.

"Hale digging around is the last thing we need right now." He admitted, shaking his head. Jax's forehead creased as he stared at me, trying to judge how much he could or should confide in me. Something else was wrong. I could see it in the way that he stared at me.

"What's going on? I know blowing up the warehouse was retaliation for the Mayan's stealing your guns or whatever, but what else is there?" I questioned him, feeling his hand intertwining with my own. His hand was warm and fit perfectly with my own. I could feel small callouses on the palm of his hand rubbing against my own.

"Apparently there were two women working at Bluebird when the place went up. Tig was screwing them both; he's been to jail so his DNA is in the system. If Hale tests those bodies and they get a trace of Tig's juice in em' SAMCRO is screwed." Jax explained in a hushed tone, keeping his eye on the door just in case a nurse came back in. I shook my head trying to comprehend what he'd said. Two more dead bodies flashed in my mind.

"What are you going to do?" I questioned him, skeptically.

"Handle it like we always do." Jax replied, shaking his head at a loss for words. I was about to ask what that meant when the door to Abel's room opened unexpectedly. A tall black haired girl with striking features stared back us.

"Tara? What are you doing here?" Jax breathed out, surprised, his face growing pale, like he'd just seen a ghost. She smiled and closed the door behind her, opening the clipboard in her hands and reading over Abel's chart.

"I heard the name Teller and asked Dr. Namid if I could assist on the case." Tara explained, sitting her clipboard down on the counter by the sink to wash her hands. Jax's hand never left the small of my back as he stood beside me.

"I didn't even know you were back in Charming." Jax admitted, as she pulled on a pair of latex gloves and began to check all of the tubes running in and out of Abel. Tara glanced up and let her eyes roam over Jax slowly, taking him in the way I always did.

"Chicago wasn't really for me, I needed to come back home you know? Are you the mother?" Tara said, turning her attention to me.

"Shit, sorry. This is Rowan, Rowan this is Tara. We went to high school together." Jax said introducing us. Something told me they didn't just go to high school together. More like they dated in high school.

"It's nice to meet you," I said shaking her hand genuinely. She forced a tight smile, sizing me up, probably wondering if I was dating Jax now or something.

"You know you don't have to do this Tara." Jax said, gesturing towards Abel. There was definitely a history between these two, I just didn't know if I wanted to know what that history consisted of.

"It's okay, I want to help your son." She smiled back at him. Her black hair was pulled up in a high ponytail that allowed her angular facial features to be shown more prominently. Even in her green scrubs she was still gorgeous.

"He's moving around a lot more now." I whispered to Jax, making a funny face at Abel even though he wasn't even paying attention. I wondered what he thought of his surroundings.

"Yeah, he really is." Jax smiled, watching Abel then glancing at me with a small smirk.

"Any permanent damage? Because of the drugs, brain or anything?" I asked without thinking, looking up at Tara. I was already just as attached to Abel as Jax was, maybe even more and it's his son.

"Can't know for sure, but everything so far points to full recovery." Tara replied curtly, finishing up checking over Abel's vitals. I watched as his little eyes fluttered open and shut. I felt relieved that he was going to be okay. We needed something good. Abel was good.

"How long's he gotta be in the toaster?" Jax questioned, causing me to laugh.

"It's an incubator, not a toaster. He's not going to pop out when he's done like toaster strudel." I laughed, causing him to roll his eyes and smirk at me. Tara watched the exchange between the two of us silently before interrupting.

"Could be weeks. But he'll be in the NICU for at least two or three months." She offered, writing something down in his chart over at the counter. I heard Jax's phone vibrate in his pocket and felt him remove his hand from mine to check it. He sighed as he snapped it shut, which told me he probably had to leave.

"Duty calls?" I said arching my eyebrow up at him.

"I gotta run, keep an eye on him for me will you." He asked, giving me a small smile. "I'll see you tomorrow night for dinner." Jax said letting his hand brush across my back as he walked past me, locking eyes with me the entire time. I nodded my head, "Yeah, you will." And then he was gone, leaving me alone with Tara...


	15. Chapter 15: What Are We

**A/N: Sorry it's taken me this long to update guys! I hope I still have some readers for this story. I personally think this chapter sucks and I promise the next will be better. I'm not sure if I should continue this story or not. I just don't know if I am doing these characters justice?**

 **Chapter 15: What Are We**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Silence filled the room the moment Jax stepped out and let the door close behind him. I continued to watch over Abel's incubator. When I looked at his precious innocent face it felt like everything bad in the world didn't even exist. He was swaddled up tight in a blue baby blanket with little mittens covering his hands so he wouldn't accidentally scratch himself. He looked like a baby burrito, at least that's what Lena would say. I smirked at the thought and him and touched the top of the incubator once again, marveling at his cuteness.

Papers were being rustled behind me, causing me to glance over my shoulder and glance at Tara. She gave me a tight smile before collecting Abel's files up and walking over to join me beside him. "So, you never answered my question. Are you the mother?" Tara questioned me, glancing down at his file in her hands quizzically, "Or no, wait it says Wendy Case…Sorry, I'm still getting up to speed on things." Tara spoke before I could even interject. She seemed surprised that Wendy was the mother and not me. I felt kind of flattered that she'd think Jax and I were a couple, but kids weren't really something I've ever thought about.

I've never even had sex. I've made out with a few but it never went any further than that... It's just never felt right with anyone yet. Not that I haven't wanted too, I mean I am human. The thought of Jax's lips pressed against my own popped into my head and caused me to shake my head, ignoring the feelings stirring inside of me.

"Yeah, Wendy is Abel's mother. I don't know her all that well. I'm just a friend of Jax's sort of." I informed her, slipping my hands into the back pockets of my jeans looking over at her.

Tara pursed her lips as she stared at me then turned her attention back to Abel. Tara was beautiful, even in green scrubs. Her high cheekbones were a prominent feature on her flawless face.

"I never thought those two would end up together, let alone have a baby. She's lucky to be alive if what I heard is true. Apparently she tried to OD herself last night." Tara explained informing me of what Jax had already told me on our walk up to Abel's room earlier. Guess she's not a big fan of patient confidentiality. How on earth Wendy was able to get ahold of anything to OD on in here is beyond me. She's most likely being watched and monitored round the clock. My mother is never left alone for more than an hour or two at tops. I can't imagine how she must be feeling though, knowing that she nearly killed her own son feeding an addiction.

"Do you know Wendy?" I asked, looking at Tara as she brushed a piece of her brown hair behind her ear. The way her and Jax had looked at one another earlier made me want to know their story. The way he tensed up at the sight of her definitely indicated a story being there.

"I had heard rumors they were together before I left Charming, never knew anything came of it. Jax was never the kind of guy I pictured having a family." Tara said matter of factly, I had that same impression when I first met him, I mean Harley's and guns and babies don't really mix in my mind, but now that I've seen the way he looks at Abel my opinions have shifted tremendously. He'd never hurt Abel, or let anyone else. "Why'd you leave Charming, if you mind me asking?" I pried gently.

"This town has a way of sinking its hooks in you, a lot like the Teller family… I needed to get out." Tara replied quietly, as I nodded my head. I understood the need to get away from this small town life more than she'd ever know. "What brought you back?"

"Growing up we all hate that small town life. When you finally leave it, you miss it and the people in it." Tara answered staring longingly down at Abel. In an instant she'd gathered up Abel's chart in her hands and turned to face me as I ran a hand through my hair taking a deep breath.

"Be careful with Jax and the rest of the Tellers. I learned the hard way." Tara warned me, before ducking her head down and heading out of the room leaving me alone with Abel and my thoughts. Thanks for the warning, but I think I'm already in too deep with the Tellers as it is.

* * *

After sitting with Abel for awhile longer I decided to go check in on my mom and gather up the laundry that needed to be taken home and washed. Our home wasn't much, but it was home. It's where I grew up. We lived in a broken down rancher at the end of a cul-de-sac with broken shutters, peeling shingles and leaky faucets and all. The place could really be cute if we had the money to fix it up and the landlord's permission to do so.

I walked down the hall, laundry basket on my hip, turning into my mother's bedroom to put away a few of her items and grab a few things for her. I'd promised I'd bring her a few more cozy sweaters back with me to the hospital and a few books she wanted. I sat the laundry basket down on her made up bed and turn around to open her dresser. The drawer stuck occasionally forcing me to yank on it a little harder than need be, causing a bottle of perfume to tumble off the top of the dress onto the floor. "Shit," I mumbled, as it rolled under her bed. The drawer gave and finally opened allowing me to exchange out some clothes for her. I placed the new clothes in the laundry basket and then knelt down to fish the perfume bottle from beneath the bed.

Thankfully, it hadn't busted open when it hit the floor. I peered under the bed to see the perfume bottle resting against the side of a shoebox. They were the only two items beneath the bed, which I thought was a bit odd. I pulled the box and the perfume bottle out from beneath the bed and examined them. I lifted the lid off the shoe box and sat on the hardwood floor beside me. Inside I found old cards, notes, and pictures.

They weren't pictures I'd ever seen before either. My mother looked younger in them, with curly blonde hair and a vivacious smile, she looked maybe my age or a little older in the pictures. I immediately recognized the man with his arm draped around her shoulders. I'd seen the exact same face in some of the old pictures Jax had showed me at the storage unit, my heart pounded as I sat the pictures down and opened a few of the notes up to see that they were indeed from Deacon. She kept these back from when they were together. Deacon wrote my mother love letters? I half laughed, as I examined the photographs once again.

They looked happy together, in every photograph. They were surrounded by friends. My mom wore a lot of leather back then. It was like looking at a completely different person. This was who my mom used to be. She kept this version of herself locked away all these years and I never knew. I pulled my cell out of my back pocket and called Lena.

"Hey, what's up?" Lena answered.

"Can you come over to the house? I need to download some shit to you." I replied quickly.

"I'll bring rocky road!" Lena chirped before hanging up.

Lena was just as surprised as I had been to learn that Deacon was in fact my father. She practically spit ice cream out all over the floor.

"Well, it's a good thing you didn't sleep with him then, even though he does have that whole hot dad thing going for him though now." She laughed out, looking through the old photographs I'd spread out all over the floor.

I gagged and shuddered at that thought.

"I just can't believe she didn't tell about all this. I feel like I hardly know my own mother anymore." I confided in between bites of ice cream. Lena stole the pint back out of my hand and shrugged her shoulders.

"She's still your mom, Ro. She's just sort of slightly more bad ass now that she's dated a biker. I mean seriously, nothing has changed between you two. She still loves you and that's all that matters. So what? She lied. She did it to protect you." Lena said being the voice of reason for once in my life. I looked at her awkwardly and smirked. This was the side of my best friend I rarely saw, but when it did make an appearance I appreciated it.

"You're right, it's just crazy." I shook my head and felt my phone vibrating in my back pocket. I pulled it out and glanced at the caller ID; Jax.

"Why's McHottie biker guy calling you?" Lena said with a mouthful of ice cream. I stared at my phone and bit my lower lip. Lena watched me like a hawk as I contemplated answering it. Things are going to be weird between us now since he kissed me.

"Answer it!" Lena shrieked hitting me in the ribs with her elbow.

"Hey, Jax." I answered, getting up off the floor. I could hear Harley's in the background rumbling loudly.

"You mind bringing me that manuscript by TM?" He asked innocently.

"Yeah, of course. I'll stop by there on my way back to the hospital." I replied a little too eagerly.

"Just come on up to my room in the clubhouse." He instructed before we said goodbye. I slid my phone back into my pocket and turned around to see Lena gawking at me waiting for me to explain what that was about and I did, minus the part about his father's manuscript. I told her about how he kissed me this morning and she went all 8th grade girl on me and wanted every single detail, which I supplied reluctantly.

* * *

Lena had instructed me to change into something better than my jeans and t-shirt before heading over to see Jax. So here I am standing outside of his dorm room in a floral dress that I hate. I don't even know if I want to impress him, but yet I still took Lena's advice and put the stupid dress on. Thankfully, when I knocked this time the door didn't fly open. I adjusted the messenger bag on my shoulder and heard Jax rustling to get to the door. He opened it and greeted me with a sly grin, before letting his eyes roam down over my dress.

"Come on in," Jax said, holding the door open enough for me to pass by him. Our shoulders brushed against each other as I went and I swore I thought I heard him whisperer, " _You're killing me,"_ under his breathe.

His room was bigger than I expected it to be, with a bed against the far left wall and a small kitchenette area not far from that with a desk area and bathroom on the opposite side of the room. It was messy, but not too messy, like maybe he'd tried to shove shit underneath the bed before I got here. I opened my bag and pulled out his father's manuscript. I'd punched holes in it and placed it in a binder.

"I didn't want you to lose any of the pages." I said as I handed it to him. He smirked and took the binder out of my hand gently and walked over to the desk and set it down, scribbling something on the front of it before turning to look at me.

"Nice room," I half laughed out as he lit a cigarette. "It ain't much."

Jax walked over and sat down on the edge of his bed next to a box of stuff marked 'John Misc.' I recognized it from the storage unit. I had brought a few of the pictures I'd found in my mother's stuff to show him, and pulled them out of my bag. "Check these out, I found them in my mom's room earlier today." I said, sitting down next to him on his bed.

"Damn, I can see where you get your looks from. Your mom was hot." Jax joked, glancing at me with a knowing smirk. I smacked him in the shoulder as he reached over and put out his cigarette in the ashtray on the nightstand. I glanced behind me at the box on the bed, "This your dads stuff." I pointed.

"Yeah, few Harley pictures, some magazines and some old shit from nom." He explained sitting the box on the floor by his feet to give me a little more room. He motioned for me to join him sitting at the top of the bed. I couldn't help but notice his eyes staring at me bare legs as I stretched them out beside his next to him.

He opened up his father's manuscript and started going through it. It was obvious he wanted me to stay here with him, and for right now I was content doing just that. I'm not sure what's happening between us, but part of me wants to find out. I read some over Jax's shoulder and was surprised when his hand grazed my thigh. It felt like pure electricity shot through me the moment his palm rest on my thigh, but that's all the further he went. I yawned and felt myself relaxing next to him, and gently placed my head on his shoulder, without a word he raised his arm up and around me and pulled me against him. I closed my eyes breathing in his scent and drifted off to sleep...

I could still feel his warmth against me as I heard the door to his room creak open. I was half asleep and still had my eyes closed and my hand on his cut.

"They were having a sale on toiletries so I bought you some things." Gemma's shrill voice boomed through the room. I heard the sound of a bag crinkling as she must have set it down.

"Thanks, mom." Jax told her, still rubbing his fingers up and down my arm gently.

"You really think that's a good idea? If Deacon sees the two of you together he's going to shit a brick." Gemma questioned him, as I felt her sit down on the end of the bed. I decided to just pretend to be asleep.

"Mom, mind your business." Jax told her straightforwardly. Jax continued to hold me close against his chest as I heard him light a cigarette.

"I'm just looking out for my boy. You mentioned some kind of journal or something of your fathers the other night. I'd love to look at it." Gemma said innocently.

"It's nothing, it was just something that was mixed in with that box of shit there." Jax replied, obviously blowing her comment off. Someone yelled for Jax from downstairs and I felt him gently detangling himself from me.

"You want me to wake blondie?" Gemma questioned sarcastically. I felt a blanket being draped over my legs and kept my eyes closed. I missed his warmth already.

"No, let her sleep. She's been through enough lately." Jax pleaded with her, "I got a custom job to go work on." Jax said before he walked out of the room. I could tell Gemma was still in the room pacing around. I opened my eyes slightly to see her tearing through Jax's dresser. What the fuck is she doing?


	16. Chapter 16: All Along

**Chapter 16: All Along**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

I'd lied there quietly while Gemma ransacked Jax's room looking for whatever she was looking for. If she was searching for that manuscript she wasn't going to stop until she had it well within her grasp. The question is why does she want it so badly? As far as I could tell it wasn't anything bad. It was just a journal of Jax's father's thoughts on the club. Why the hell would Gemma give a damn about it? Why would Jax even mention it to her to begin with if it's some big secret? After Gemma had huffed and puffed and stormed her way out of Jax's room I opened my eyes to see the plaid blanket Jax had draped over me, causing me to smile slightly. I couldn't help but take a moment to breathe in his aftershave that still lingered on the blanket.

I knew I needed to get up and head back to the hospital, but part of me didn't want to leave the safety of Jax Tellers bed. Oh my god, I'm in his bed. The reality of it hadn't really set in, but it was now. I partially sat up in the bed, propping myself up on an elbow and let my eyes scan over his room. Half naked girls on Harley's were plastered on posters' all over the paneled walls. Typical guy décor. My eyes roamed over to the kitchenette area and landed on a box of Captain Crunch.

Jax Teller likes Captain Crunch, how freaking adorable. An image of him as a little kid sitting in front of the TV on Saturday morning watching cartoons flashed into my mind as I lied back down. How did I end up here? A week and half ago I never would have picture myself here, but yet here I am. Not that I'm complaining. There are worse places to be than Jax's bed. I closed my eyes for a moment and the thoughts and feelings building inside of me take over my mind eventually letting myself drift back off to sleep.

I was unaware of how much time had passed when I felt something rock the bed. Slowly, I opened my eyes, blissfully unaware of my surroundings. The room was dark, safe for the lit cherry of a cigarette behind me. Wearily, I sat up as the light flickered on revealing Jax. Oh my god, how long was I asleep.

"Go back to sleep, darling." He whispered, as I squinted and rubbed my eyes groggily.

"What time is it? Did I fall asleep? I have to go back to the hospital." I mumbled, attempting to detangle myself from the blankets despite not really wanting too. Jax smirked and removed his cut, tossing it on the back of his desk chair. He sat down on the edge of the bed and removed his shoes.

"It's 3am. You can crash here. I'll take the floor if you're not comfortable sharing a bed." He whispered to me over his shoulder. I opened my mouth to protest that I should leave, but sort of had the feeling he wouldn't let me walk out of here at 3am alone. "I don't mind sharing." I replied innocently, as he gave me a crooked grin that sent my heart into overdrive. I watched quietly as he removed his shirt and tossed it on the floor along with his belt. I couldn't help but notice the tattoo on his back.

"I never realized you had a tattoo on your back like that." I whispered, fighting the urge to reach out and touch it. It was the charter's emblem, the same emblem that's sewn onto his cut and plastered all over Teller-Morrow.

"There's a lot you don't know about me, darling." He said looking at me over his shoulder. I bet that tattoo hurt like hell to get. I've always wanted one, but I've always been too chicken shit to do. I don't like needles all that much. And having one hitting my skin a thousand times per second doesn't sound fun.

"I think I know plenty Teller." I smirked as I let my fingers graze over his bare back and the tattoo. Jax turned and looked at me taking my hand in his after I'd let it fall to the bed.

"Oh really? What do you know about me?" He smirked cockily, running his hand up the side of my arm causing me to look down and see that my dress strap had fallen off of my shoulder. He caressed my cheek lightly, letting his thumb brush gently over my lips causing my breath to catch in my throat.

"Well, I know that you put way to much sugar in your coffee and eat way too much bacon for one person when you come into the diner. Judging from the stack of books in your closet, you like to read, which tells me you're smart, as if I didn't already know that." I inform him, as I run my fingers over the bulging veins in his arm while he continues to cradle the side of my face in his hand. "I know that you care about your family and your club."

"You're also a good guy deep down. The one thing I can't quite figure out about you is why you'd take an interest in someone like me." I whispered almost silently. Jax leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine gently, a small moan working its way out of my mouth. He gently pushed me back on the bed and crawled halfway on top of me.

"I could say I wonder the same thing about you." His lips found mine once again, crashing into my own. His tongue grazed across my lip asking for permission to kiss me that way. I gladly granted it, as his hands started to roam down over my breasts and I felt his hands resting on my hips. I pulled away reluctantly, not wanting this to go too far too fast.

"Why did you kiss me? Yesterday? To keep me quiet about the shooting?" I asked without thinking. Jax pulled back and looked at me puzzled and for a moment I thought I'd pissed him off, but he shook his head and kissed me again working his way from my lips to my ear and whispered, "I kissed you because I wanted too. Just like I've been wanting to all along."


	17. Chapter 17: Found A Way

**Chapter 17**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

The sound of the gunshot pierced my ears as the bullet left the chamber within the blink of an eye. A hooded figure that looked oddly familiar stumbled forward a few steps, but I still couldn't make out the person's face in the dimly lit lot. A gurgling sound filled my ears as I watched through tunnel vision as the person clenched their chest tightly, obviously bleeding out from the gunshot wound. His body went slack as he fell the rest of the way to the ground and continued to bleed out. A deafening scream rang out in my ears as I heard what sounded like someone saying my name. Although, it was so far off in the distance I couldn't be one hundred percent sure.

"Rowan...wake up..." He tried to persuade me, but my eyes remained locked on the body lying lifeless on the ground as a crimson pool of blood formed around his chest. My eyes followed the pool of blood as it ran directly towards my feet. I tried to step back so it wouldn't get on my shoes, but found that I couldn't move a muscle. The harder I fought to move the more stationary I felt. That's when my eyes landed on the gun...in my hand.

"Rowan, darling, wake up." He said again as the scene in my head seemed to rewind and begin to play again over and over. I felt something shaking my shoulder as I heard the screams again, only this time I knew where the screaming was coming from. It was coming from me...

I shot up in the bed quickly, out of breath, and covered in a layer of sweat.

"Hey, it's okay. You were dreaming." Jax reassured me, as he sat up next to me.

I panted and felt my heart beating rapidly inside my chest as I searched for his face through the morning darkness that filled his room. I felt his hand on my back and jumped. "It's okay, it's alright. It was just a nightmare."

It was a nightmare, only it _wasn't_ , because it had actually happened. I'd had trouble sleeping since the night I followed the guys to the warehouse and shot that man. This was the worst it's been though. I ran a hand down the side of my face taking a few deep breaths as Jax rubbed my back and pulled me into his bare chest. Right, like that's going to calm me down. Me leaning against your bare chest... I'll probably have a heart attack. But I didn't protest.

I hadn't even noticed the tears coming down my cheeks until I'd ran my hand over them.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." I mumbled breathlessly still.

Jax tucked some hair behind my ear and rubbed my back more trying to soothe me.

"It's alright; you were thrashing around a lot. What was that, huh?" He questioned me, his voice clearly concerned.

"It's been happening since the shooting." I finally told him after a moment of silence.

Jax sighed and kissed my bare shoulder gently and let his chin rest upon it afterwards. "It's going to be okay again. I promise you." I wanted to believe his words so badly. He pulled me back down to lie in front of him and draped his arm over me protectively. We lied like that for the longest time without moving. I could feel him breathing against my neck and shuddered. I peeked over my shoulder at him only for him to tighten his grip on me. I felt safe wrapped in his arms. I haven't felt safe since that night, but right here right now, I feel okay again...

* * *

Jax and I had gone back to sleep for a few more hours, but went our separate ways once we'd awoken. He was needed in the garage bright and early and I needed to get back to the hospital and check in with my mother. He left me with a quick kiss on the lips and a promise to see me at dinner tonight, because that was tonight, which had totally slipped my mind. I haven't even seen Deacon since he invited me, nor have I talked to my mother to get her opinion on the whole situation.

I walked into her room to find her sitting up in bed working on knitting her-self a new beanie. She smiled when she saw me and then that smile quickly turned into the why didn't you call and let me know you weren't lying dead in a ditch somewhere face.

"I'm sorry I didn't call last night, but to make up for it I brought you pie from the diner, with extra cool whip." I smiled whole-heartedly, holding up the takeout bag in my hand.

She gave me a pointed look and held out her hand for the bag causing me to laugh a little.

"So what happened to you? I thought you went home to do laundry. Did you fall into the washer, again?" She teased as I pulled my chair over by her bedside and sat down.

"Ha funny, mom." I glared jokingly. I really don't know how she'd react to me telling her I slept at TM with Jax, so I opted for the safe answer not wanting to upset her.

"I hung out with Lena at the house and just ended up falling asleep." She nodded her head and picked at her piece of pie, hardly taking three bites before pushing it off to the side.

"Have you seen Deacon at all?" She asked cautiously, studying my expression. I saw him this morning in the garage with Half Sac when I left the clubhouse, but I wasn't going to tell her that.

"Actually, we sort of talked the other day and he invited me to dinner at the Teller's tonight. I'm not sure if I want to go or if I should go. I mean it's going to be awkward, right?" I replied nonchalantly, gauging her reaction. She mulled everything over before turning to look at me. I see so much of her in myself, but now I see Deacon too when I look in the mirror.

"I think you should go." She stated firmly, catching me off guard.

"Really?" I snorted, surprised.

"If you want too, of course, he is your father. It's your choice to let him in your life, but promise me that if you do let him into your life you'll be careful. He may be your father, but he is also many other things as well." She told me as I nodded my head, fighting the urge to vomit. If she knew what I'd done she'd hate me. She wouldn't be looking at me like I'm her entire world. She'd look at me like I was a monster. I felt like a monster...

I swallowed back the lump in my throat and nodded my head agreeing with her.

"I think I might go for an hour or so." I informed her, not wanting to break my promise to Jax. He's the only thing that's even making me consider going tonight.

My mother coughed profusely as she reclined back in her hospital bed. I stood up and took her pie off the bed side table and her knitting materials so she could relax.

* * *

Around six o'clock I parked my Mustang on the side of the street and sat there debating knocking on the Teller's front door. They had a beautiful home. A two story brick home with landscaped gardens in the front lawn. It looked very picturesque, much like the rest of the neighborhood. A row of Harley's sat parked in a line down the street in front of their house so I knew I had the correct one. I took a deep breath and got out of the car; shutting the door behind me after I picked up the store bought apple pie I bought on the way here.

My mother taught me never to show up to anyone's house empty handed.

I got halfway to the driveway and stopped dead in my tracks, panic rising in my chest. Maybe dinner with dad is just too soon. We should just try coffee sometime. Coffee is quick, ten minutes, twenty tops. Dinner is at least an hour or more with a lot more talking.

Nope... I can't do this... Shaking my head I march towards the door forcing myself to continue forward. Stop being such a chicken shit I tell myself, but freeze when I finally reach the door.

All of the lights are on inside and the light sound of music beats through the wall . I can see Juice and Half Sac in the living room laughing about something through the window. I can't find the strength to knock on the door. My feet shuffle as I turn and walk down off the brick steps back towards my car.

"You gonna stand out here all night or come inside at some point?" I heard him say from behind me and already pictured the trademark smirk etched across his perfect face. I smile turning on my heel and pivot on one foot for a moment.

"Wasn't sure I had the right house." I lied, watching Jax stroll towards me causally out of the garage. I hadn't even noticed the door was open. He had on a pair of dark jeans and a grey hoodie, but no cut. He looks so different without it, relaxed. I almost miss seeing it on him though.

"The Harley's weren't a dead giveaway?" He challenged me, walking closer, like a predator stalking his prey. He was toying with me and I found that oddly attractive.

"Funny, yes you caught me. I was stalling." I confirmed his suspicion, as he arched his eye brow at me. I watch his eyes skate down over my black and white polka dot dress and leather jacket. It feels like I can feel him touching my skin. "I wasn't sure I was even going to make it to the door. I drove around the block three times before I even parked the car and got out."

"Come inside; if you get nervous or backed into a corner just give me a look. I've got you're back." Jax said reaching out and taking the apple pie out of my hand and holding my hand with his other free one. His hand was rough, but our hands fit perfectly together. His warmth radiated off of him onto me as we walked closely together.

"Deacon's been pacing the damn floors waiting to see if you'd show up." Jax told me as I followed him through the garage and up into the mudroom. The music I'd hardly heard at the door was coming from the kitchen. The kitchen was full of women I'd never met before, safe for Gemma chopping up carrots, lettuce and other items for a salad. A few young kids ran through chasing each other, smiling at me along the way. The place was buzzing with energy.

"Look who showed up, ma." Jax said, turning all of the attention in the kitchen towards me. Thanks Jax. I smiled nervously, but said hello as a brunette woman shook my hand. Gemma eyed me from the island as she continued to chop lettuce. For some reason I got the feeling she was wary of me, but I don't understand why she would be. I want to tell Jax about her going through his stuff, but I don't know if it's my place to say anything or not.

"Can I help with anything?" I asked genuinely feeling the safety of Jax's hand in my own leave as our hands pulled apart. Gemma motioned for me to join her at the island, so I did.

"You can cut the peppers up. You think you can manage that?" She said with a sly grin, I nodded and removed my jacket. Jax took it for me and kissed me on the cheek before disappearing into what I'm assuming to be the living room or family room. I wanted to run and hide behind Jax, but put on my brave face and tried to play nice. What's that saying? Fake it until you make it?

A tall blonde haired woman about Gemma's age sidled up next to me and smiled extending her hand out and said, "Hey there, I'm Luanne." She hand on a tight fitting tube top and a pair of leather pants, she definitely pulled off the whole rocker chic look.

"It's nice to meet you." I replied and continued cutting up peppers and mushrooms as Gemma handed them to me. Gemma pulled the cigarette out of her mouth and passed it off to the brunette woman I'd met when I walked through the door. "Obviously she doesn't know you Luann, cause there aint' a nice thing about you." Gemma said, cracking a smile. That's odd. I've hardly ever seen this woman smile.

"I just want to thank you again for the job at TM, Gemma. I know I've probably been a bitch to you before but I'm sorry for that. You've just caught me and my family at a really stressful time." I try to explain my behavior and my rudeness to her. I really don't like Gemma, but I don't want to constantly be at odds with her either. And she did pay off Jerry, whom I haven't heard from since then and for that I am truly grateful. Even though I don't particularly taking hand outs.

"I'll work off the money you paid to my landlord at TM, extra hours, whatever it takes. I'll pay you back." I insist, tossing the peppers in the salad bowl along with the mushrooms. Gemma nodded her head and leaned in close so I could hear her over the kitchen noise and said, "Like I said before sweetheart, were family." She winked at me and carried a bowl of mashed potatoes into the dining room.

"I think we got it from here honey, why don't you go on into the living room and see what the boys are a doing." Luanne suggested after I had come back from bringing the salad to the table.

I nodded my head and proceed down the hall off the kitchen as Jax did and walk into a sunken living room.

Deacon, Juice, Half Sac, Clay and Tig, and Bobby all stare back at me as I stand in the doorway. Deacon shot up off the couch with a smile on his face and walked toward me. "Hey, I'm glad you decided to come." He hand on a nice button down jean shirt and a pair of black jeans. He didn't look as scary as some of the other times I've encountered him.

"Me too." I whispered as Jax walked into the living room carrying an old Gibson guitar, he smiled at me as he handed it to Deacon. I followed suit and sat down on the couch beside Deacon and Clay which was uncomfortable, but I didn't let it show. Clay nodded his head at me, but didn't speak. Deacon attempted to tune the guitar but failed miserably, eliciting a screeching sound from the strings upon hitting them. I gritted my teeth at the sound, he's going to destroy that beautiful guitar if he's not careful.

"God damn Deacon, we aren't going to be running around here pick pick grin grinnin' tonight." Clay growls from beside me, but even I can see it's all in good fun. Deacon flipped Clay the finger and attempted to tune the guitar once again doing the same thing he did moments before.

"I can tune that if you want." I offered quickly not wanting to see this torture continue, really wanting nothing more than to touch the guitar. It's so beautiful. Deacon handed it over willingly with a small smile and watched as I tuned the strings correctly. I took the guitar pic in my hand and strummed it gently over each string to make sure it sounded as it should. "It's a gorgeous guitar." I gushed not even hiding my excitement. I missed my old one deeply.

"70 Gibson Hummingbird acoustic, they only made a few of these. It was by luck that I found this one where I did." Deacon said as he pointed to the guitar with admiration. I was impressed he knew his stuff. Couldn't tune one for shit, but he recognized a classic when he saw one.

"Oh for Christ sake, if I have to hear the story about how you found this thing in a dumpster behind a bar in Reno one more time I'm going to take the strings off of it and hang myself." Juice said on the opposite side of the room. He was sitting on the black leather sectional couch next to Jax, Half Sac, Bobby and Tig.

I laughed and picked at the guitar strings lightly before attempting to hand it back to him even though I wanted to take this baby home with me. This thing retails for around $2,500 on Ebay.

"Jax told me you mentioned being able to play, why don't you show us something." Deacon suggested causing my eyes to bug out of my head a little. So Jax and my new dad have been discussing me. That's not weird at all. Jax must have sensed my discomfort because he stared at me as in saying, 'just breathe.'

"No, no I can't play." I laughed lightly, glancing at Jax once again.

"Anything will be better than what this old fucker plays." Tig piped up, holding a beer in his hand, "If I hear one more Johnny Cash song, I'm going to slit my own wrists."

"Liar! You told me you could play. I'd love to hear you..." Jax coaxed me more as Deacon nudged the guitar back into my hands. Oh dammit. I readjust myself on the couch and try and think of something I might be able to play decently. I closed my eyes and began to play, feeling the comfort of the strings against my fingers as the words left my mouth, _"Just close your eyes. The sun is going down. You'll be alright. No one can hurt you now. Come morning light. You and I'll be safe and sound."_

I didn't play too long, just one chorus of a song my mom used to sing to me when I was younger. I opened my eyes to see Jax looking right at me along with everyone in the room, including Clay. I felt my cheeks flush with heat and laughed nervously to break up the silence.

"You have your mother's voice." Deacon whispered next to me, causing me to smile back at him. We were connecting, if only on a small level.

"Everyone dinners ready!" Gemma hollered from the kitchen, forcing everyone up and off the couches and into the dining room.

I was about to fall in line behind Half Sac when I felt someone pulling on my arm. I spun on my heel and looked at Jax as he pulled me into him. I smiled and placed my hands on his chest, feeling his heart beating beneath my palm, it beat erratically and made me wonder if it was doing so for me. I wondered if he knew what he was doing to my own heart at the moment.

"I hate you for making me do that!" I whispered, feeling his hands resting on my hips comfortably.

He cocked his head to the side and smirked and my heart exploded into a fluttering frenzy.

"You have a beautiful voice," he complimented slowly leaning in and brushing his lips against my own slowly, then pulled away ever so slightly, "And beautiful smile," he went on kissing me again as I let my hands cradle his neck, his stubble tickled my skin. I don't think I could stop whatever was happening between us even if I wanted too. There's a pull between Jax and I. I've felt it from the day we collided in the diner.

Everyone had already begun to dig into dinner from the sound of things, glasses clinked together, and forks hit plates, as conversation swarmed the house, but somehow standing here in the other room with Jax it felt like we were the only two people here and I liked that.

"Come on, Teller. I'm starving." I said before kissing him on the cheek lightly.

"Oh I'm starving too, but it's not for anything in there." He blurted out, squeezing my hip gently, pulling me into him more. I could feel the strain in his jeans and I blushed and ducked my head down hiding a smile. Flirting has never been a strong suit of mine, so I was at a loss for words.

"You're trouble." I replied staring into his eyes, before pecking him on the cheek and heading into the dining room to take my seat. Jax followed suit not long after.

So many different conversations were being held it the same time with everyone it was hard to keep up as food was passed around the table. Jax sat next to me and Deacon was across the table while Gemma and Clay took up the head respectfully. The others were squeezed in where ever they could fit. As I sat at the table with all of these people it became clear that they were a family. A family I'm a part of now. I smiled to myself taking it all in, watching Gemma kiss Clay on the lips.

"So how's your mom doing?" Deacon asked, after I handed him a basket of dinner rolls.

"The doctors say that she's remaining stable. So I guess that's as much as I can ask for right now." I replied, as Jax glanced at me. I felt his hand resting on my knee under the table for a brief moment.

"How's Wendy doing?" I asked Jax as he twisted his fingers together with mine beneath the table. He finished chewing a bite of steak and paused before answering, "She's still sedated. Doc says she should wake up in a few days. They are trying to get her through the brunt of the withdraw while she's under."

"That's good though, right?" I retort, before shoving a mouthful of potatoes in my mouth. It should make trying to kick the habit easier once she's awake. Jax nodded his head in agreement. I couldn't help but think back to the night Jax had told me Wendy supposedly OD'd. That was the same night as the shooting at the warehouse. I specifically remember seeing Gemma near Wendy's room. She was there for Abel though. Still something just doesn't sit right with me about that whole situation.

"So are you in college or no?" Luanne, who's sitting on the opposite side of me asked pulling me back into reality.

"I was about half way through nursing school at Charming Community College when my mom got sick. I had to stop going to take care of her, it just wasn't in the budget to pay medical bills and tuition. Now I just work at TM and Frannys in town." I informed her as she nodded her head. If I would have been able to stay in school I would almost be an RN by now. Almost. I'd gotten good enough grades to get into Boston Med, but didn't want to leave Charming because of my mother. So, I stayed and tried to take care of her and do school, but she was more important.

* * *

After dinner I helped Jax clear the table and ended up washing the dishes with him. I washed and he dried. "Look at you being all domesticated!" I joked, with a smirk as he flung soap suds at me. I stood there faking shock and gawked at him. So I flicked suds back at him in return and giggled.

"You're going to regret that." Jax said menacingly as he stepped back away from the counter and rolled up a dish towel so he could surely snap it at me.

"Don't you dare!" I warned taking my hands out of the water and standing a few feet away from him. We could hear everyone in the living room getting rowdy watching a game or something on TV so we were virtually alone.

Jax snapped the towel at my leg just about the time I moved out of the way. "You asshole!" I laughed as he did it again, laughing the entire time. I flung water from the sink at him as he latched onto my arm and pulled me against his chest chuckling.

I felt his warm hands on my sides just below my breasts and his eyes locked with mine as we laughed at our stupidness. His eyes were beautiful. So blue, with tiny flecks of gold in them. They reminded me of an icy glacier blue, except there was a fire burning in them too. I felt the same familiar flutter in my stomach and an instant rush of heat between my thighs as his hand roamed up to cradle my cheek, brushing against my breast as he went.

I stood on my tiptoes to reach him and kissed him. His lips were like air and I needed to breathe. This time he let me explore his mouth, and I did slowly, savoring every moment of this sweetness. I felt him slowly push me against the counter and felt a drawer handle hit my butt and laughed as he continued to kiss me. His hand slid down my side and played with the hem of my dress touching my thigh, as I ran my hands up his chest.

The sound of someone clearing their throat broke us apart. As I peered over Jax's shoulder I saw Deacon standing in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest, "What's going on here?"

"Nothing..." I answered quickly as I pushed Jax away from me quickly feeling completely embarrassed. PDA wasn't something I was extremely comfortable with, especially in front of my father. Jax ducked his head down and pulled out his smokes and lit up. Deacon looked pissed as he glared at Jax standing beside me. I could tell by the way he kept eying me and then eying Jax. If looks could kill Jax would probably be dead at the moment.

"Why don't I finish giving you a hand with the dishes." Deacon suggested giving Jax another stern look and saying, "We'll discuss this later," before joining me at the sink. Jax contemplated opening his mouth then thought better of it. He glanced at me, his eyes softening then looked away. Well this isn't going to be weird at all. Jax disappeared into the living room with the others leaving me alone with Deacon. Ugh. I hate him. If he wasn't so damn sexy I wouldn't have kissed him.

"I'm really glad you decided to come." Deacon said breaking the silence between us as we fell into step washing the dishes. I wasn't sure where to put everything so I just laid a towel on the counter for the dinnerware to dry. I smiled and said, "I'm not going to lie, I almost didn't make it to the door."

"But you did." Deacon grinned, drying a frying pan off.

"So can I ask you some stuff? I don't really know how we do this." I offered trying to distract my mind and his from what he walked in on. He nodded and leaned against the counter and continued to dry each dish as I handed it to him.

"What exactly do you do for the club?" I asked innocently. I wanted to know what he was arrested for and why, but didn't wanna just jump right off the cliff. Like hey, I sort of cyber stalked you and know all your misdeeds, now can you give me every single detail? Doesn't exactly roll off the tongue now does it?

"I do the jobs that no one else wants to do. Let's just leave it at that." He replied. Okay, can you be more vague? I nodded my head and pried a bit more. He seemed to clam up at that and I felt a wall coming up between us that I didn't want to come up just yet.

"Did you ever wonder about me? What I was like as kid?" I looked down at my reflection in the soapy water and heard him sigh. I'm his weak spot.

"Of course I did. Your mom gave me this when you were little." He said, slipping his wallet out of his pocket and opening it up to show me a picture of me in a ballet outfit, tutu and all. I felt my heart cracking slightly. It was a normal thing for dads to have in their wallet, but this just felt different. I wondered if he whipped the photo out to show people, like hey, this is my daughter, or if he kept it hidden and to himself.

"I saw more of you than you think. It just wasn't safe for you to see me. I know it's hard to understand." He explained, as I dried my hands on a dish towel. "There's still a lot I need to explain to you Rowan, but I'm glad that we can start to find some form of ground to stand on."

"It's just hard for me to let people in sometimes. But I want too." I replied honestly. I do want to know him. The hard part is just that; letting my guard down. For so long it's been just me and my mom, now he's in the picture and it's tilted my world on it's axis.

"Look, I know I don't have a leg to stand on here but whatever's going on with you and Jax it ain't gonna end pretty. I don't think you should be getting to know him as well as you are." Deacon blurted out as the guys got rowdy in the living room again. Was he seriously going to stand here and tell me not to see Jax? I scoffed and tucked some hair behind my ear. He doesn't have that right. Is that all he's concerned about, Jax and I?

"You're right, you don't get to have an opinion about that portion of my life. You might be my father, but you're not my dad so please don't pretend to be. I know that may seem harsh, but it's the truth." I replied firmly, staring him down… feeling a tightening in my chest upon looking at him. This all seemed so trivial. My father doesn't like the guy I like. It's all so normal and weird. And in all reality it's not what matters.

"It's late, I should get back to the hospital." I grabbed my jacket from the counter and slipped it on even though I felt sick. It felt hot in the kitchen or I felt flustered I don't know which. I wanted to be outside in the fresh air and that's where I went.

Deacon followed me out the patio door. The coolness of the night air hit me and made me feel more relaxed until I started letting my thoughts run wild.

"That landlord of yours been leaving you alone?" Deacon asked from behind me. I heard the sound of a lighter flicker, but didn't turn around to face him. I stared out off the patio into the darkness of the back yard.

"How'd you know about my landlord?" I questioned incredulously, finally glancing back at him.

"Gemma told me he stopped by TM. I took care of the rent for you. She said he was a real dick. I just wanted to make sure he wasn't giving you anymore problems." Deacon said before blowing smoke out of his mouth.

Gemma said she paid the rent not Deacon. Does he think he can buy my love or my forgiveness for never being there when it mattered most? Does he think I've forgiven him for all of this?

"Why would you do that?" I asked, feeling my voice break as a stinging sensation formed in my eyes. I fought the tears off and stared him down furiously.

"Because you're my daughter." He said, there was no faltering in his voice. He said the words like he'd been saying them his whole life and I broke. I felt a tear run down my cheek and wiped it away. I tossed my head back and felt more tears coming. Great.

"You should have found a way to be there for us." I told him holding back a wave of tears." How convenient for him to swoop in now and save the day.

"You should have been there when she got sick!" I spat at him, feeling the weight I've been carrying around finally pulling me the rest of the way under. He stood there silently and said nothing. Which pissed me off more.

I felt my hands clench at my sides and before I knew it Id shoved him. He stumbled backwards and said nothing, flicking his cigarette into the grass.

"You should have been there!" I yelled, slamming my hands into his chest again.

"She's sick! She's done everything for me my entire life and now she's going to die and you weren't there!" I screamed again, hitting him as tears streamed down my face. I stumbled away from him and wiped my eyes as he still said nothing. He stood there blanklessly.

I had to deal with all of this on my own while he got to do whatever the hell it is he does. I got to watch her get sick and lose her hair and puke her lungs out while he what? Polished his bike? I slammed my hands into his chest again fighting back the sobs only I didn't stumble backwards this time. I felt his arms lock tightly around me and hold me against his chest. I fought him for a moment but then gave up and cried into his chest.

"I'm sorry kid." He whispered…


	18. Chapter 18: Fun Town

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! I just wanted to let you guys know I haven't given up on this story yet and plan on continuing it as long as ya'll are still interested in it!**

 **Chapter 18: Fun Town**

 **Deacon's Point of View**

The other night at dinner went about as well as I had anticipated it to go. Rowan falling apart at the end of the night gutted me, because everything she said had been true. Holding her for the first time like that made me realize she was still a fragile girl. I should have been there. I should have chosen Becca and her over this, but I didn't and I can't change it now, but damn if it hasn't been eating at me. If the guys heard me even utter these words I'd probably be castrated. Loyalties are what bind us together around here. My loyalties have always been to SAMCRO and always will be I suppose.

Tossing a socket wrench onto the roll away tool box beside me I looked up and over the hood of this Nissan piece of shit Maximus towards the clubhouse to see Jax strolling outside with a cigarette in his mouth, Gemma following alongside of him. She keeps him on short damn leash. It took everything in me not to yank him off of Rowan when I'd found them together in the kitchen after dinner the other night with his tongue down her throat and his hands roaming all over her. I knew they'd been getting chummy with one another, but didn't realize it was this serious. Now that I know it is, I need to intervene before it gets out of hand.

I've known Jax since he was a kid, shitting in diapers. All in all he's not bad, he's got a decent head on his shoulders, but since he ended things with his high school sweetheart a couple years back he ain't been the same. He may be a hell of a member of SAMCRO, but I've seen how he treats the club pieces that hang around here, the croweaters that flaunt themselves at him and the way that he uses them and tosses them to the side once he gets what he wants.

Rowan isn't like those whores looking to stake a claim on someone here. If he hurts her in any way shape or form, I'll kill him, president's son or not. I'd rather it not come to that which is why I'm trying to get ahead of this thing between them before it sparks into a wildfire I can't control. I need Rowan focused on what's to come, not Jax.

If there's anyone that's better at meddling in Jax's life, it's Gemma.

Jax made his way towards the office where Rowan sat at the desk. I could see her through the garage since she'd left the office door open. I've given her space since dinner, taking Gemma's advice, letting her come to me when she's ready. I watched as Jax strolled into the office instantly putting a smile on her face. He sat down on the edge of the desk beside her, his back to me. I watched as Rowan smiled innocently at something Jax must have said as he tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. At that my blood began to boil.

"Gem, you got a second?" I hollered over to her before she walked into the office. I finished wiping my hands on a rag and closed the hood of the car I'd been working on. Gemma removed her aviators as she stepped into the garage, her heels clicking across the concrete floor.

"Whatcha need, Deacon?" She questioned, sidling up beside me in front of the car. I crossed my arms over my chest and glared into the office. Gemma followed my line of sight and noticed Jax and Rowan bantering back and forth. She eyed them for a moment then turned her attention back to me with a wicked look on her face.

"You need to put a stop to this Gemma. Those two getting together isn't going to end well." I informed her as she leaned against the side of the car with a small smirk etched onto her face.

"Look at you, already hating your daughter's boyfriends. Welcome to fatherhood, baby." She laughed out harmoniously. I rolled my eyes and glared into the office again to see Jax leaning down to plant a small kiss on Rowan's cheek.

"Put a stop to that." I ordered sternly, picking up a clipboard to finish filling out a few invoices. Gemma has always been a very hand's on mother when it comes to her son. There's nothing that little shit does that she doesn't know about or have her opinion on. When Jax had dated Tara Knowles in high school Gemma hated her. She thought Tara was the devils spawn. Come to think of it she's never liked any of the women in Jax's life. They've never lived up to her standards.

"Nah, I think I'll let that one take its course." Gemma said, shocking the hell out of me. My eyes shot up to meet her dark ones. She adjusted her white button down blouse and let out a small chuckle.

"What the fuck are you saying? You actually think that," I point discreetly towards the office, "is a good thing?" I half laughed half barked back at her. Gemma turned to face me, shaking her head. I think the little bit of green she's been smoking has finally gone to her damn head.

"I like her; she's got a lot of sass that one. But I also know my kid, he'll get bored when she doesn't put out and move on. Heartbreak is inevitable, sweetheart. You can't save her from that." Gemma said, patting me on the shoulder and then turning on her heel to head into the office, passing Jax along the way. Well, this just became a problem. I was counting on Gemma being the one to squash that situation, but it looks like I'm going to have to handle it, like I handle everything fucking thing else.

I tossed Half-Sac the keys to the Nissan and instructed him to pull it out of the bay while I swept it out. Jax walked past me, slapping his hand on my shoulder as he went and headed towards the torn apart bike in the third bay. After finishing sweeping out the bay I joined him. He was kneeling down inspecting the alternator when he looked up and said, "What's up, old man."

"We need to have a conversation about the other night at dinner, with you and Rowan." I informed him. Jax continued to fiddle with the bike seemingly ignoring me and pulled the cigarette out of his mouth and stood up, finally facing me.

"What about it?" Jax challenged, testing my temper. I clenched my jaw shut tightly for a moment then spoke. Jax studied my face, gauging how this conversation was about to go.

"Rowan's got a lot of shit going on in her life right now. Just don't want to see her get hurt." I said simply, trying to keep things civil between us. Jax sighed and nodded his head agreeing with me, or so it seemed.

"Which is why I've been there for her to lean on," Jax replied after a moment of deliberation. He stomped out his cigarette on the ground and glared up at me, with a clenched jaw. This was an awkward and uncomfortable situation for the two of us, but it needed to be handled.

"I appreciate that, I do. But I think it's time you back off and give her some space if you know what I mean." I said walking around him and taking a look at the alternator on the bike. I raised the bench up so I didn't have to kneel down.

"Why don't you just admit you have a problem with me and her being together?" Jax blurted out, turning on his heel to face me. I sighed bit back my temper as Half Sac pulled another car into the bay garage.

"Fine, I do. And I'm only going to tell you this once. You and Rowan are done." I replied, wiping my hands on a rag. Jax shook his head and took a step towards me, causing me to take a step forward.

"What are you doing, forbidding me to see her? You know I'm a fan of Shakespeare and all, but this whole daddy wants Romeo to stay away from Juliet bit is a bunch of bullshit." Jax shot back at me, irritation evident in his voice.

"There's plenty of other croweaters around here that you can distract yourself with. She's off limits. Respect that and we won't have a problem, kid." I retorted, smacking him on the arm. I kept it short and simple, shouldn't be too hard for him to understand. Jax's jaw popped as he stared at the ground.

"And if I don't respect that?" Jax questioned me, arching his eyebrow at me. I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest once again.

"Then I guess we'll have a problem then, won't we?" I snapped back harshly.

"Then I guess we have a problem because I can't respect that, brother. I like her, a lot...You doing what you're doing right now, is only going to make things worse between the two of you. She's a grown ass girl, she don't need daddy stepping in to save her." Jax replied, staring me directly in the eye. Kid had a point. Rowan did seem to get all riled up at dinner when I even suggested she put the brakes on things with Jax. She's got the fire and fight of a gypsy in her, I'll give her that.

"Jax, don't push me," I warned, glaring at him.

"You ain't been a father to her all these years, why start now?" Jax snapped back at me, in an instant my clenched fist made contact with his jaw. Jax stumbled back with a smirk on his face before throwing a punch of his own. I stumbled back trying to regain my footing and felt someone pulling me away from Jax.

Chibbs had a lock tight grip around my waist, "Calm down, brother." He warned in my ear, as Jax paced the floor in front of me. I turned my head slightly to see Rowan standing in the doorway watching this unfold with curiosity and horror written all over her face.

I retched myself out of Chibbs hold and spit a bit of blood out onto the floor, "I won't tell you again, Jax." I warned, pointing a finger at him, before turning and storming off towards the clubhouse. I needed a damn drink...

 **Rowan's Point of View**

As I walked around I could smell the sweetness of the kettle corn being popped off to the right and hear the sizzling sound of the fresh ears of corn being barbequed alongside hot dogs and hamburgers on the grill. It was almost impossible to hear Jax talk over the sound of all the rides going off and children shrieking with glee as they ran underfoot. Jax had invited me to come with him to Charming's annual carnival, Fun Town, read the sign at the entrance. It surprised the hell out of me when Jax had asked if I wanted to come with him tonight. I mean was this a date? Did he want it to be a date? Did I want it to be one?

Jax walked beside me, our hands touching as we went every so often. We were following Clay and Gemma around and some of the guys. Deacon hadn't come and I wondered if it had anything to do with the brawl he and Jax had gotten in earlier at TM. Something in my gut told me it had to do with me, but I couldn't be sure. Deacon had given Jax a nice little cut on his cheek.

"So, are you going to tell me what happened with Deacon this morning?" I asked, stepping in front of him causing him to stop and smirk at me. I continued to shove a piece of funnel cake in my mouth and stare him down. I was determined to find out what happened.

"It's nothing for you and your pretty little mind to worry about, darling." Jax replied smoothly, placing his hand gently on my hip and pulling me in closer to his chest. My heart fluttered sporadically as I felt the warmth from the palm of his hand sink through my black tank top. My head felt like it was spinning as fast as the tilt a whirl behind Jax.

"Is that so?" I countered back, with half a mouth full of food. Jax couldn't help but chuckle at the lack of my lady like manners.

"Is that good?" He questioned, gesturing towards the funnel cake in my hand, already half eaten. It was absolutely delicious. There's something about carnival food that just pulls me in and I can't help myself. Sort of like how Jax pulls me in, he's so bad for me, but I can't resist.

"It's horrible, you wouldn't like it at all." I joked freely, popping another piece into my mouth with a small grin on my face.

"Oh really?" Jax laughed cocking his head to the side, pulling me into him more. I nodded my head as he leaned in slowly, our eyes locked, and for a moment the chaos surrounding us disappeared and it was like we were the only two people standing in the middle of the carnival. The flashing lights and sirens from the games seemed to diminish and float around us in a blur. I wanted to kiss him so badly, but he hadn't told me what happened with him and Deacon so I felt a bit feisty.

Just as his perfect lips were about to connect with mine I pulled back and tossed the last of the funnel cake in my mouth and backed away from him slowly. He smirked as he watched me, knowing what I was doing the entire time.

All of a sudden he came at me and scooped me up in his arms bridal style, a small girlish scream escaped from my mouth followed by a laugh from the both of us. People walking past looked at us and smiled, while others rolled their eyes.

"Are you insane?" I laughed out, wrapping my arms around his neck. He held me tightly, but with ease.

"Jury's still out on that one." He shot back at me as he carried me along. I didn't want him to put me down, it felt so nice to be this close to him. I played with the hem of his cut as he stared at me longingly. He wanted to kiss me, so much, but he was refraining or trying his best too. I leaned in and kissed the cut on his cheek lightly, then looking away from him.

We walked a few feet like this then he gently set my feet back down on the ground, interlocking our fingers together as we caught up with Gemma and Clay. They were stopped ahead of us talking to someone I couldn't see.

"Rowan!" I heard a familiar young voice call out to me. As the crowd of people dispersed around us I saw who the voice had belonged too. Tristan ran over to me and hugged me tightly, as her mother Karen called after her.

"Tris how are you? God, you're so freaking big now!" I laughed, hugging her back. She stepped back and tucked her long dirty blonde locks behind her ears and beamed up at me. I used to babysit Tristan when she was younger for the Oswald's. I've known her since she was just a little thing. Now she's all grown up and beautiful than ever at the mere age of thirteen.

"I'm good! We miss seeing you! You have to come by the house and see the horse's daddy just got." Tristan gushed, causing me to smile.

"I'll come by soon I promise." I told her as we walked over towards her parents and Gemma and Clay. Karen wrapped her arm around Tristan's shoulder and removed her Chanel glasses from her eyes and gave me a warm smile. The Oswald's had money, more money than most people in this town, but they were still down to earth.

"How you doing Elliot?" Clay asked, as the two men shook each other's hand. It seemed odd to see Karen and Elliot exchanging pleasantries with Clay, but I wasn't about to say anything. Jax squeezed my hand gently, causing me to look over at him. I felt his thumb rubbing circles into the top of my hand.

"Mom, I'm gonna go on the spinner again." Tristan said, pulling away from her mother.

"You've been on it four times, sweetie." Karen chastised her, shaking her with a smile.

"I'll take her!" I volunteered, as Jax let go of my hand and pulled some tickets out of his pocket. He handed them over to Tristan. "Here, it's on me." He said, giving her a wink.

"I would go with Jax, but he screams like a girl." I joked, as Tristan latched onto my hand and pulled me forward.

"We'll meet you by the cotton candy booth." Karen instructed, as her and Elliot walked in the opposite direction. I nodded my head letting her know I heard her and ran to catch up with Tristan. We rode the spinner three times, each time it went around we both cracked up laughing. Jax smoked a cigarette off to the side and watched us, or rather me the entire time.

"We should go in the photo booth!" Tristan hollered over the ride as we got off, and joined Jax. She latched her hand in mine and Jax's and pulled us forward before either of us could object.

The booth was small, but we all managed to squeeze inside. My leg was smashed up against Jax's and I could feel his hand on my back. Every time we made any form of contact with one another it was like fireworks going off inside my veins. The more we touch the stronger the feels grew and I didn't know what to think of that. Tristan and I made a few funny faces as the camera flashed while Jax sat there smirking. I gave him bunny ears and cracked up when Tristan showed him the printout.

"I'm gonna go find my mom and dad. It was so good to see you Rowan." She said, giving me a hug.

"I promise I'll see you soon!" I told her, and watched as she pulled the red curtain back and disappeared back out into the carnival.

"She's cute. How do you know her?" Jax laughed, as I scooted over slightly giving him some room.

"I used to babysit her." I replied as Jax nodded his head.

"I'll have to keep you in mind for Abel." He countered back, licking his bottom lip. He put a few tickets into the machine so it would take another set of pictures.

"Anytime," I smiled back at him, as he placed his hand on my knee. I felt the familiar rush of heat between my thighs and swallowed the lump in my throat letting my eyes wonder up his arm. Small bulging veins popped out here and there. I found that incredibly sexy mixed with the tattoos on his arm. Without hesitating I let my finger trace over the lines of his tattoo.

"Did that hurt?" I whispered, glancing up to see his eyes already locked on me.

"There was nothing too it, you should get one. I'll get Hap to do it next time he's in town." He teased, causing me to laugh and shake my head.

"And where would you suggest that I get one?" I asked, regretting it the moment the words left my mouth. This could go so many different directions. I wondered if his heart was pounding as much as mine, because it's all I could hear in my ears.

"Well, here is always a safe place," he said touching the tips of his fingers to my wrist, slowly bringing them up my arm. He pushed my sweater open gently and touched my collarbone, causing me to squirm a bit, "Or here is a nice spot too."

"My personal favorite spot for you would have to be here though," he whispered in my ear, tugging the sweater down off my shoulder and kissing the back of my shoulder. I closed my eyes and opened them feeling paralyzed by his touch.

"I'll keep those in mind for future reference." I whispered back, looking over my shoulder at him. He looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing he'd ever laid eyes on and I looked at him the exact same way. I never thought a guy could be beautiful, but dammit he was. The prickly stubble on his chin scratched my shoulder sending tingles down my spine.

I leaned in to his lips the same exact time he caressed my cheek and pulled me towards him more. Our mouths fit together perfectly like pieces of a puzzle coming together. Our tongues met, drew back and met again. I've kissed a few guys in high school but never like this. It was never this electrifying. I turned myself so I was facing him once again and tugged on his t shirt pulling him closer towards me. His hand palmed the small of my back while his other roamed down over my breast. I gasped into another kiss loosing my mind. I could hear the camera flashing every few seconds in the booth and knew we'd have plenty of pictures to remember this moment. Not that I'd ever forget it.

Jax reached down and gently scooped my legs up and pulled me onto his lap, never breaking contact with my lips. I would let him kiss me until my lips were raw. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let my fingers run through the back of his long hair. Now that I was on his lap I was at a slightly higher angle and had to bend my head down to kiss him. Jax's hand clutched my thigh as my hand fell from his neck to his chest. I could feel his heart beating inside his chest. He slipped his hand up under the hem of my shirt causing me to moan ever so slightly. He smiled as he kissed me, pleased with my reaction. His hand was scorching the skin beneath my shirt, it felt like fire touching my skin. I've never wanted to be burnt more in my life.

I could feel just how much he wanted this, with his hardness pressing against my leg. I pulled back slightly laughing when I heard a child scream outside. "We can't do this here!" I whispered, as he smirked up at me.

"We already did." He grinned. I laughed and kissed him again running my hand up his side under his cut. Our lips broke apart long enough for them to find the side of my neck. This was so wrong but it felt more right than anything else in my life.

Jax worked his hand up underneath my shirt a little higher, letting his fingers graze my bra. I placed a hand over his arm and pulled back, feeling this escalating too quickly.

"I'm sorry." I breathed out, trying to come back to my senses. "Too fast. It's too fast for me."

"We can take things slow." Jax assured me, removing his hand from beneath my shirt and placing it on my cheek. Something told me most girls didn't want to go slow with him. I should want this. I do want this. Just not in a photo booth surrounded by the citizens of Charming.

"Jackie boy, you in there?" Chibbs hollered from outside over all the noise. Jax groaned as he kissed me again, obviously annoyed we were interrupted. I was thankful for the save.

"I'll be out in a second." Jax replied hastily. I smiled down at him and leaned my forehead into his. He cupped his hand around the back of my neck and held me.

"Come by the clubhouse before you head back to the hospital. I need to show you something in my dads manuscript, it involves you." Jax whispered to me. He gently scooted me down off his lap beside him as I nodded my head. What would I have anything to do with his fathers manuscript?

"Jackie boy lets go!" Chibbs yelled, yanking back the curtain on the photo booth and stared back at us. Jax rolled his eyes and stepped out, holding his hand to help me out.

"Irish are coming. We got to go." He informed Jax then took off towards the parking lot. Irish? What the hell does that mean? I decided to just ask Jax later. He turned to me and smiled before kissing me on the cheek.

"I have to ask Teller, was this a date." I blurted out staring at him like an idiot. I wanted to know where we stood. I liked him so much and the way he made me feel…

"Do you want to be a date?" He challenged, cocking his head to the side and giving me that trademark grin. My heart stopped. I was at a loss for words.

"Don't worry, darling. It was a date." He whispered in my ear, noticing my frozen expression. He pulled me into him and kissed me on the lips before leaving me standing there in the dirt…


	19. Chapter 19: Until It Happens To You

**A/N: Hope you guys enjoy this chapter! I wanted to let you know that I'll be updating this story every Tuesday from here on out!**

 **Let me know what you think in the reviews if you ya want too?!**

 **Chapter 19: Until It Happens To You**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

After Jax had left me at the carnival to go deal with the Irish club business, I wasn't sure what to do with the rest of my evening so I ended up walking around the carnival and overthinking everything that has happened lately. Sometimes I swear I think too damn much or not enough altogether. Why would Jax's father write about me in his manuscript? Damn it. I wish Jax would have just told me what it said instead of leaving me hanging in suspense like this for hours, but he had to leave. It seems like he always has to leave. I mean he could have just blurted it out, but at least it gives me an excuse to see him again.

I can still feel his lips lingering on my own and can't wait to feel them pressed against mine again. Jax's kisses were like a drug that I couldn't get enough of. The way his crystal blue eyes locked with mine every time we talked made my knees go weak. I'd be willing to do anything he asked as long as he asked me with his hands.

What he said though; it didn't make sense. Jax's father didn't even know me and I sure as hell didn't know him. I never even met the man. I never even knew about anything regarding SAMCRO other than they were a motorcycle club that resided in our small charmless little town.

The methodic sound of the merry-go-round mixed with other rides ringing and dinging filled my ears as the coolness of the dusky night air cut through my cotton sweater causing me to pull it closed to keep in my body heat. The twinkling lights from the ferris wheel lit up the night sky like lights on a Christmas tree. It was a beautiful sight. Riding the ferris wheel was always one of my mother's favorite things to do at Fun Town. It's a shame she couldn't be here to enjoy this simple little pleasure. I decided at the last minute to get in line and go around at least once and take a picture at the top because you could see the entire expanse of our town.

When the ferris wheel came to a stop and everyone exited the ride it filled up once again. I handed the carnival guy a ticket when it was my turn and stepped up onto the platform and sat down on the small bench seat. Just as the carnival guy was about to lower the hand railing a hand stopped it startling me. I looked up to see Jerry...

"Can't let a pretty girl ride the ferris wheel all by herself, you mind if I join you." Jerry my pain in the ass landlord asked not waiting for me to respond, already taking a seat next to me.

"Well, you're not really giving me a choice now are you?" I blurted out sarcastically. I wanted to protest more or at the very least get off the ride, but didn't want to hold up everyone else waiting to get on so I shrugged my shoulders as the carnival guy shut the hand railing bar down over our laps.

"Rowan, it's been a while. You are one hard person to get a hold of." Jerry said eyeing me up and down as the ride began to move ascending us up into the air. His beady eyes lingered over the little bit of exposed cleavage sticking out of the top of my tank top making me feel uncomfortable and extremely self-conscious. I pulled my sweater closed tight and scooted as far away from him as the seat would allow, which wasn't much.

Jerry was older, maybe in his late thirties early forties. He always reminded me of a snake with his beady eyes the color of dark coal. He looked sickly almost every occasion I encountered him, like he had a permanent hangover that he couldn't shake. His face was always pale and he reeked of booze.

"If you were trying to impress me it's working, honey." He said as I tried to reign in my discomfort. Our knees were touching and it made my skin crawl. Have you ever met one of those people that just give you a pit in the bottom of your stomach whenever you're around them? Jerry Kohn was one of those people.

"Oh I've been right here, just avoiding you." I smiled tightly and wished the ride would be over quickly. The wind swelled around us as the ride took us higher into the air slowly. I still couldn't believe this asshole had tracked me down at Teller-Morrow and gotten money from Gemma, well Deacon for the rent that I owed.

"Jerry, you know the next time you have an issue with me and the rent I'd appreciate it if you'd not go to my place of employment looking for a handout." I mentioned trying desperately to ignore his heavy breathing and enjoy the view.

"It's just business sweetheart, we've all got bills to pay." He said as he clamped a hand down on my thigh. My eyes shot to him as my blood ran cold. I removed his hand and placed it back on his on leg. "Personal space is a thing, you know?"

"How's that mom of yours, she still hanging on by a thread? I sent over some flowers to the house a while back. Yellow roses, did you get them?" He questioned ignoring my comment towards him. He was pissing me off and making the hairs on my neck stand on end. The ride continued to rotate slowly. We'd already gone around once, only two more times and I'd be rid of this rodent.

"Yeah, thank you for those." I replied shortly, remembering the bouquet of yellow roses sitting on the dining room table and wondering how the fuck they got there when I came home a few weeks ago. I'd been completely creeped out that he'd been inside the house I changed all the locks on the doors. He's the landlord which is the only reason I didn't call the cops on his ass for coming into our home without our consent. I didn't want to piss him off and have him toss us out of the house, not with everything going on with my mother.

"Don't worry I can install a security system if you're worried about staying in the house alone, you know after your mom passes and all. Wouldn't want anything happening to a pretty little thing like you..." Jerry whispered in my ear. His breath was awful and enough to make me rethink that funnel cake I'd scarfed down earlier. I closed my eyes and clenched my fist at my side as the ride started to stop every few feet to let people get off.

"Thanks for the concern, but I'll be just fine." I snapped harshly, counting three more stops until I could get off this ride from hell and away from this inconsiderate asshole. When it was our time to get off the ride I wasted no time waiting for the attendant to release the railing bar and pushed it up myself.

I hopped off the platform and went to walk away when I felt a hand clamp down on my arm causing me to stop and turn on my heel. Jerry looked down at me and smirked, as he fished something out of his black slack pocket. "I thought you might want this. I found it in the photo booth. You must have forgotten to pick it up."

He handed over the reel of photos of me and Jax from earlier, the ones where we were making out pretty heavily. I must have forgotten about them. I felt heat rush to my cheeks as I glanced at the pictures noticing that a few of the images had been torn off. Weird...

"Thanks…" I mumbled quietly, pulling my arm out of his grasp and walking away quickly. I glanced over my shoulder to see him staring at me still. What is with this whack job I thought shaking my head and walking around a food vendor quickly weaving in and out of people...

"Tristan!" Someone yelled up ahead.

"Tristan!" I heard again as the crowd broke up some allowing me to see a frantic Karen Oswald standing in the middle of the way shouting and running a hand through her red hair. I walked up to her and touched her arm, getting her to look at me.

"Karen what's going on? What happened?" I asked, trying to figure out what was wrong.

"Oh thank god, Rowan! Have you seen Tristan, she's missing. I haven't seen her in about an hour." Karen questioned me, holding onto my arm as I shook my head.

"I haven't seen her since earlier when we went on the spinner. She has to be around here somewhere. She's probably in the arcade or something." I told her, trying to calm her down, while feeling my heart rate increase with worry.

"I checked the arcade, she's not there! Elliot is alerting security. Oh my baby, where is she." Karen cried out as I scanned the carnival searching for Tristan, but didn't even see her close by. I spotted Gemma walking along the duck shoot and waved her over.

"What's going on?" She asked, assessing Karen's demeanor.

"Tristan is missing!" She practically yelled, taking off to continue searching. I tossed my hands in the air and started walking backwards slowly, scanning the crowds of people looking for her familiar pink dress.

"Check towards the parking lot, I'll check towards the merry-go-round." I called to Gemma, who nodded her head and took off in the opposite direction. She couldn't have gone far. This place is only so big. Tristan is a smart kid, she wouldn't have just wondered off somewhere alone without telling anyone.

"Tristan!" I yelled over the sounds of the rides, causing people to look at me funny. I pushed through a crowd of people and stopped looking everywhere but coming up empty handed. Young girls walked by in a group laughing as they went, making me study each face looking for hers.

I walked around the merry-go-round twice just to be sure I didn't miss seeing her on the ride or something. I could hear Gemma and Karen calling out for her in the distance and felt my stomach twist.

Every year they bring some new attraction in with the carnival and this year it was the hay ride. It took people a few at time back through the woods lining the park we were in to the adjoining parking lot on the other side of the park. I decided to walk the path and make sure she wasn't just waiting in the other parking lot to come back through the woods on the next ride through.

Leaves crunched beneath my snake heads as I went along the choppy path, leaving the sounds of the carnival in the distance.

"Tristan!" I called out as I went, but heard nothing back in response. Where the hell is she? I ducked under some low hanging brush and saw the headlights from the tractor coming my way. It rumbled loudly as it passed me, the driver gave me a smirk and kept going as I searched the back for Tristan. A few old people occupied the back.

I continued along the path and stopped short considering turning around and heading back. She wasn't over here. She probably met up with some friends from school or something. The path was pretty dark, but the flicker of the carnival nearby gave it a nice glow so I could still partially see where I was going. "Tristan!" I called out one more time, spotting a pink flip flop lying in the leaves a few feet away from me.

I picked it up and remembered Tristan had been wearing flip flops. I remembered they kept wanting to fall off while we were on the spinner. I heard rustling in the brush up ahead and took a few hesitant steps forward noticing her other flip flop on the ground. I picked it up and took in the drops of blood on it and started to walk faster.

"Tristan!" I hollered again, hearing the rustling again. I walked down a small embankment and froze when I saw her lying on the ground hardly moving. I dropped the flip flops and slid down the embankment the rest of the way and knelt down beside her.

"Tristan! Can you hear me?" I whispered, cradling her face in my hands. Through the darkness I could make out the blood on her face as she moaned rolling her head from side to side.

"It's okay, it's okay." I assured her, scanning her body to make sure nothing was broken. Her jeans were around her ankles...oh god, she wasn't...she had to have been. I felt my heart pounding in my ears as I stood up and looked around. I needed help and now, but no one would be able to hear me from her.

"I want my mom..." Tristan mumbled out, hardly audible. I knelt down beside her and shook my head even though she could barely see me.

"I know you do, sweetie. Does anything feel broken?" I asked, trying to remain calm.

"No, I don't think so." She moaned back to me. "Good, we're gonna get you out of here."

I slowly helped her up to her feet, holding her close while she cried. I pulled her pants back up gently as she whimpered and pulled her into my side. "It's okay, Tris. I promise, it's going to be okay."

We carefully made our way up the embankment and onto the narrow pathway and headed back towards the carnival...

* * *

 **A/N: Just to clarify Jerry Kohn is Josh Kohn's brother. Josh was the guy that harassed Tara in the show, I'm just creating a sibling for that creep!**


	20. Chapter 20: Important

**A/N: TellerTuesday Update anyone! Let me know what ya think in the reviews!**

 **Chapter 20: Important**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

After finding Tristan practically unconscious in the woods; beaten and surely raped I had a hard time leaving her side as the paramedics loaded her up into the ambulance to be taken to St. Thomas. Karen and Elliot were beside themselves. Nothing I could say or do for them was going to help ease their pain so after watching the ambulance take off towards St. Thomas I decided to head for Jax. I found myself wanting to see him; no, needing to see him even more now. My mind was in a tail spin as I tried to wrap my mind around what had happened as I drove to the clubhouse.

Who in their right mind would do something like this to an innocent little girl? Tristan hadn't done anything to anyone. She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve to be beaten and violated and thrown in the woods like a piece of trash. Anyone who harms a child should be shot on the scene, no questions asked in my humble opinion. If they sexually harmed a child they should have their penis chopped off. It's as simple as that.

My jeans were covered in mud from sliding down the embankment to get to Tristan, but I didn't care. I've been watching Tristan since she was five years old. I helped teach her how to ride a bike without training wheels and taught her how to play guitar. We used to sit in the Oswald's family room by the fireplace and play Candy Land for hours on end because it was the only game she ever wanted to play. My hand clenched the steering wheel so tightly my knuckles were turning white.

As I turned down Maple St I glanced in my rearview mirror to see bright headlights following rather close behind me. "Turn your high beams off dumbass." I mumbled under my breath as I came to a stop at the red light. The car behind me came to a stop, but not before I thought they were going to rear end me in the ass. They turned their high beams off causing me to glance in the rearview mirror to see what kind of idiot was driving the car. I noticed the familiar face behind the steering wheel and felt my stomach twist.

Jerry.

The light turned green causing me to place my foot on the gas and get moving. He rode my ass all the way down Maple and followed me when I turned onto Burch St. What the hell is this asshole doing, following me? I made an unnecessary left turn down Belmont Avenue just to see if he'd follow me and he did. I stepped on the gas a little to put some space between us and watched him in the rearview mirror. The pit in my stomach dissipated slightly as I saw the familiar black wrought iron fence that encases SAMCRO's clubhouse and TM up ahead. He won't follow me there.

I slowed down and pulled into the parking lot, quickly shutting off the car. I scanned the lot for Jax's bike and saw it parked exactly where it should be before getting out of the car. I kept my eyes on the street out front as I headed for the clubhouse door and noticed Jerry pulling onto the opposite side of the street. Why the hell is he following me? To scare me into wanting to hook up with him? The guys more delusional than I thought.

I quickly made my way to the clubhouse door and went to open it, but realized it was locked. I knocked on the door and waited a few moments. Jax opened the door giving me a wide grin. I forced a tight smile as he ushered me inside and then shut and locked the door again. I felt like I could breathe now, being here within the safety of his touch.

"Hey," Jax grinned, taking my hand in his. He studied my face intently as I mumbled a hello and tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. God, he smelled incredible.

"What's wrong?" He asked concerned, as I shook my head and let out a long breath I hadn't even realized I'd been holding. He placed his hands on my hips and pulled me into his chest. I wrapped my arms around his neck and nuzzled my head into the crook of his neck and let him hold me for a moment before pulling back.

"I'm fine," I assured him as he held me in front of him. "It's just been a rough night. Tristan the girl you met earlier today was beaten and raped tonight. I found her in the woods tossed away like a piece of garbage..." I explained to him slowly, as he listened to every word. I watched every emotion swim across his perfectly chiseled face all within a few seconds; anger, hatred, sympathy, and worry.

"Jesus Christ, Oswald's kid?" He said running a hand down the side of his face. I nodded my head and felt him pull me into him once again. Jax's lips pressed against my forehead and lingered there as I ran my hands up his chest over his cut.

"We're just finishing up some club business, you mind waiting in my room for me?" Jax asked as he placed his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side leading me into the clubhouse further. I nodded my head and walked with him into the main room.

Clay, Chibs, and Tig and some guy I didn't recognize all sat at the bar drinks in hand. After everything that's happened tonight I could use a drink. The guys quieted down as I passed through the main room and headed for the staircase. Jax stayed behind. I went straight for his room and sat down on the edge of his bed and buried my head in my hands.

I should have made sure Tristan made it back to Karen and Elliot. I should have walked with her. If I had this wouldn't have happened. If I hadn't been distracted by Jax… I felt tears welling in my eyes and choked them back. This wasn't my fault. It was the asshole that did its fault. I got up and paced around Jax's room catching sight of myself in the mirror hanging on the back of his open closet door. I looked a mess; mud on my jeans and oh great, there's a leaf in my hair. Who cares. I plucked it out and walked back over to the bed and sat down again. I wiped a tear that managed to escape from my cheek as the door opened and Jax walked in.

"Thought you could use this." He said handed me a beer. I smiled and took it.

"You read my mind." I laughed out, taking a long sip.

Jax sat down beside me and placed his hand on my back, letting it run up my back until it was cradling my neck. He took a swig of his beer and placed it on the nightstand as I felt another tear slip from my eye. I brushed it away quickly.

"Hey, you okay?" He said, brushing his thumb over my cheek to catch the next tear. I nodded my head and took a deep breath.

"It's my fault." I hardly whispered out, "I should have made sure she made it back to her parents. I shouldn't have just let her walk off like that!" I blurted out, feeling sick to my stomach.

"You can't blame yourself for what happened to her. You didn't know what happened was going to happen. This ain't on you, darling." Jax tried his best to reassure me. He leaned in caressing my cheek letting our foreheads rest against each other. I closed my eyes and felt his nose nudge mine and smiled a little. I could feel him playing with a piece of my hair.

"What did you want to show me in your dads manuscript?" I whispered, still leaning against him with my eyes closed just breathing him in. His warmth radiated onto me. Jax pulled back and kissed my forehead before standing up and walking over to his desk. He picked up the binder that contained his fathers manuscript and sat back down at the top of the bed, kicking is shoes off.

"You gonna join me?" He grinned.

"I don't wanna get your sheets all muddy." I half laughed looking down at myself.

"Just borrow something of mine to sleep in." Jax said, like he's been saying it to me everyday.

"A little presumptuous aren't we? How do you know I'm staying the night?" I shot back at him with a smirk.

"Not presumptuous, just confident." He said, moving back down beside me to pull my chin towards his for a kiss. "Besides, I'm not letting something as beautiful as you out of my sight at this hour." He whispered, causing me to draw in a breath.

"Cocky much?" I smirked, biting my bottom lip.

"Not nearly enough." He laughed, causing me to chuckle and playfully push him in the shoulder causing him to fall onto his back.

I found a clean t shirt in his dresser and went in the bathroom. I peeled off my sweater and tank top and jeans and slipped his shirt over my head. It was black and it said SAMCRO on the front. I ran my hand through my hair as I came out of the bathroom and caught Jax staring at me. He looked at me like I've never been looked at before. I felt his eyes roaming slowly from my face down to my bare legs sticking out from underneath his shirt. I pulled on the hem of the shirt nervously as I walked over and got next to him on the bed.

Jax continued to stare at me causing a rush of heat between my thighs. The more time I spent with him the more I craved him, the more I craved his touch.

"So what'd you want to show me?" I asked, glancing down at the binder in his hands. Jax shook his head and cleared his throat clearly trying to regain his thoughts. I wondered what was running through his beautiful mind as he opened the binder up and started flipping through pages.

"This paragraph right here." He said handing it over and pointing towards the third paragraph on the page. He leaned in and read over my shoulder.

"I hoped things would change for the better within the club before our children grew up and into it. It was our plan to have our children take over the responsibilities of the club when the time was right. For after all that's what this club is about; family. Or it used to be before greed got in the way. Deacons daughter Rowan was born a few weeks ago, setting off a wave of dismay for him. He chose this life knowing he'd be giving up the greatest gift of all; his child. I'd tried to persuade him to think differently for Jax was the greatest thing to ever happen to me." I quietly read aloud, feeling Jax's chin resting on my shoulder as I flipped to the next page.

"We all want our children to follow in our footsteps, but not when our footsteps are causing them to look over their own shoulders for the rest of their lives. Deacon wanted to be able to leave this club behind for his daughter; for it would be the only thing he'd ever give her, just as I did for Jax. Maybe together they can pull the club out of the darkness that looms around it." I continued on, shaking my head trying to understand what I was reading. I glanced at Jax who had an I told you it was important look on his face…


	21. Chapter 21: Respect

**Chapter 21: Respect**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

I rested my head against the headboard and stared at Jax trying to let everything I'd just read sink in. It didn't quite make sense to me. Deacon wanted to leave the club to me like John wanted to leave it for Jax. What the hell would I want to do with SAMCRO? I can't offer this club anything, can I? Deacon never mentioned any of this to me. Not that I have really given him any chance too. We seem to take two steps forward and three steps back in our rocky father daughter relationship.

I continued to stare at Jax and opened my mouth to say something, anything, but closed it at a loss for words. From the things I've seen and heard so far women aren't actively involved in any of the club business. I mean I didn't see any women at the warehouse that night I followed the guys.

"I told you, you'd want to read it." Jax said confidently as I closed the binder and let it rest across my tan legs. This is all a little insane.

"What the hell does this even mean?" I muttered out confused, running a hand through my hair. Jax took the binder off my lap and placed it back on his own letting his fingers graze across my bare thigh, sending shivers down my spine. He tapped the binder with his index finger and let out a breath.

"I think it means we were both supposed to find this. It's not just an open letter to me, it's to us." Jax replied flipping through the pages slowly. Our shoulders were flush against one another. I pulled my knees up to my chest and rested my chin on them for a moment lost in thought.

I'm not anything special. This lifestyle is so new to me, and now I'm supposed to just jump headfirst into the tank of biting sharks and make some sort of difference here? I'm twenty three years old. I eat leftover cold pizza for breakfast and eat cereal for dinner. I can help this club about as much as I can fix a car, so not much.

"Have you showed this to anyone else? Like Deacon? Has he said anything about this or anything relating to this?" I questioned seriously, turning to face him slightly, letting my knee rest against his leg without thinking. He glanced at my exposed thigh and draped his arm over it, resting the palm of his hand on my knees. His arm was warm and felt so strong lying across my legs.

"You're the only one that I've trusted enough to share it with." Jax informed me, making me feel slightly honored that he trusted me this much so soon. I mean I would never betray that trust. I gave him a small smile and felt his hand move up to caress the side of my cheek gently. I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth and savored his touch.

"I don't know if it's my place to say anything, but the other day when I fell asleep up here, I woke up and found your mom ransacking your room like she was looking for something." I told him honestly, wanting him to know about what I saw. Gemma was pretty set on finding whatever it was she was looking for and I think it was this manuscript.

"I mentioned some old journals that I found that were my fathers, just trying to gauge what she knew about this if anything. She must have been looking for them which means she has no fucking clue what they are. " Jax said picking up the binder and placing it on his nightstand. I nodded my head and relished feeling his hand on my cheek. They were completely red and rosy but I didn't care.

"Maybe you or me should question Deacon about this and figure out what he knows." I suggested, trying desperately to hide how nervous I felt being alone with him in his room, wearing nothing but his t shirt. Jax mulled it over and let out a small chuckle, obviously knowing something I didn't.

"What?" I half laughed as he let his finger run down my jawline.

"Deacon and I aren't exactly in a good place right now or on speaking terms for that matter." He explained sort of shyly. I touched the cut on his cheek and remembered seeing him and Deacon so torqued up in the garage this morning. One minute everything was fine and then the next minute Chibbs was yelling and they were in an all-out brawl.

"Because of this," I whispered, running my finger over the small gash on his otherwise perfectly chiseled face. Jax stared at me intently; studying my expression then nodded his head. "What happened between you two?" I pressed again; already having a knowing feeling I was the cause of their little dispute.

"Deacon doesn't exactly like that I'm hanging around you, I'll put it that way." Jax chuckled, causing me to sigh and shake my head. Are you fucking kidding me?

"I can't believe he'd do this!" I practically yelled, removing my hand from his face and rolling my eyes feeling the anger brewing beneath my veins. He warned me about Jax at dinner and I specifically told him I could handle myself and what does he go and do, he hits Jax. How is that going to solve anything?

"Darling, it's alright, really." Jax said trying to calm me down noticing my clenched jaw and balled fists. He placed his hand back on my cheek and forced me to look at him.

"It's not okay; he hit you in some half-ass macho attempt at defending my honor. I don't need him to protect me or anyone for that matter. I've made it this far without him. I can handle myself." I ranted on and on. Jax smirked at me and chuckled amused by my outburst of anger and frustration. I'm angry and he's laughing? What is wrong with him? I turned towards him and huffed.

"Why are you laughing at me? This isn't funny, Jax." I demanded sternly, as he through his head back and laughed even more. It was one of the sweetest sounds I've ever heard. I would do anything to hear that laugh for the rest of my life. I smacked him playfully on the shoulder when he didn't answer me.

"I'm not laughing at you, darling. Well, technically I am. It's just you're really cute when you're all riled up." He admitted honestly after a moment, causing me to blush and cross my arms over my chest. Jax leaned in slightly giving me that signature grin of his that made my heart go into a fluttering frenzy.

"Well I must be gorgeous because I'm furious. I don't wanna be the reason you and Deacon are fighting." I started to protest, when he leaned in and pressed his lips against my own quickly, causing me to gasp stopping the words as they fell out of my mouth in their tracks.

His warm calloused hand caressed my cheek and slowly cradled the side of my neck, pulling me closer towards him. Like every single time we kissed all rational thought ceased to exist in my brain.

"I think you're absolutely beautiful." Jax whispered, after he pulled away briefly. His lips still partially pressed against my own, tickling them. I sucked on his upper lip and then I grinned mischievously and noticed my hand reaching out and twisting into his cotton shirt pulling him closer.

Jax didn't seem surprised by my sudden action, because he came willingly. I felt his hands moving to my sides as we scooted down in the bed. He hovered over top of me like a mountain as I kissed him with everything I had. Our tongues met and drew back then met again. It was like a game of which tongue would be the one to overpower the other. Jax let out a small groan clearly enjoying every second of this torturous game.

With each heart-stopping kiss tiny zings and zaps of pleasure swarmed throughout my body.

I unclenched my hand from his shirt and placed my hand on the palm of his chest, feeling his heartbeat steady and strong beneath. His hand slid down to the hem of my shirt and slowly worked its way up and underneath of it, touching my stomach and side sending my eyes fluttering shut.

My hand roamed down his side and played with the hem of his shirt, wanting him to take it off desperately. I needed to see him without on again. His skin was smooth, warm and inviting. Jax let out a gasp at the touch of my hand on his waist and caused him to sit up and hook a thumb in the back of his shirt, then swiftly pulling it over his head. He smiled at me doe eyed expression as I placed the palm of my dainty hand on the center of his chest completely mesmerized by him. He was sculpted perfectly with a six pack that made heat pool between my legs.

"You got a new tattoo," I whispered, letting my eyes roam over the new fresh ink above his left pec. It read, "Abel."

"I always want to keep him close to my heart." Jax replied as I grinned at his new tattoo of his sons' name. It was a sweet notion to show his love for Abel.

"I like it..." I whispered losing myself in him. My eyes roamed over him, taking mental pictures for a rainy day. Looking at Jax was like walking into a candy store; my eyes were frantically trying to take in everything, wondering which thing to taste first. His arms were strong and muscular, but not too muscular. The bulging veins in his forearms perfect for tracing. The six pack of toned abs that ran all the way down to the v that led below his jeans. Good lord...I'm losing my mind. I've only seen a few shirtless guys, and no one compares to Jax Teller. No one.

"You see something you like, darling?" Jax teased taking in my amazed expression. How long have I been staring at him? What's wrong with me? He's going to think I have brain damage or something...

"I see a lot of things I like." I mumbled, causing him to smirk as he crashed his lips into my own once again. His kisses are what heaven tastes like and no one can tell me otherwise. Jax tugged on the side of my shirt sleeve until my shoulder was exposed a bit more.

His lips nipped and sucked all along the side of my neck causing me to turn my head to give him better access while my hands roamed over every inch of his back and chest then tangling in his hair as he kissed between my breasts, the cloth the only thing separating his lips from what he surely wanted in his mouth.

Jax lifted my shirt up gently as he stared at me with hooded hungry eyes. He planted small kisses on my stomach and let his tongue dip down into my belly button causing me to laugh slightly from the tickling sensation it sent through me. I felt his fingers fumbling with the edges of my lacey underwear and whimpered wanting this so much with him, but being terrified as hell to go through with it.

"Jax..." I muttered breathlessly, as he nipped at my hip bone. He ignored me and gently slid the edges of my panties down slightly, kissing my hip once more, sending my hips bucking up a little. My mind and body wanted him, every inch of him, but my heart told me to wait.

"Jax, I can't." I whispered once again, touching his hand causing him to look at me. Jax moved back up to my lips and kissed me gently. I cradled his face in my hands and pulled back after a few minutes.

"I think we should stop..." I breathed out, wanting to strangle myself for uttering the words. Jax lowered his head onto my shoulder and took a few deep breaths trying to regain control of himself and nodded his head.

"I'm sorry," I whispered feeling horrible for getting his hopes up.

"It's okay. I can respect that you want to wait. As long as we can still do this in the meantime," He said sweetly, lying down beside me and pulling me flush against his chest and running the back of his knuckles over my cheek bone kissing me tenderly on the lips. I smiled into another kiss and felt his nose nudge against mine.

"I think this is okay for now," I whispered causing him to smirk wildly as he reached over and turned out the lamp on the night stand...

Jax and I spent the night tangled up in each other's arms, kissing, and talking about stupid random things that meant nothing at all, but somehow meant everything. He told me about his childhood best friend Opie, and all of the trouble they got into when they were younger, which made me smile uncontrollably. I told him about Lena and how I broke her bully's nose and we became instant best friends when we were little, and the suspension that I got afterwards.

Sunlight creeping through the curtains awoke me in the morning. I was curled up against Jax's side, his arm draped over me protectively. I let my fingers gently trace over the gothic lettering of his new tattoo. Jax cleared his throat and I felt his hand moving up to tangle in my hair. His lips pressed against my forehead not long after causing me to smile. It was like we were in our own little bubble and nothing else mattered.

"Morning, darling." Jax whispered groggily, causing me to look up at him. He had a sleepy grin on his face that melted my heart.

"Morning, Teller." I replied back innocently, smiling then planting a small light kiss onto his shoulder. Jax grinned slightly as I kissed his lips and pulled me on top of him more, letting his hand rub my thigh underneath the blanket he'd thrown over us in the middle of the night.

A loud bang on the door startled both of us, "Jackie Boy! Get your ass outta bed and get down here! We got work to do, brother!" It sounded like Chibbs. I could tell because he's the only one that ever calls Jax, Jackie Boy. Plus, the Irish accent was undeniable.

Jax groaned and rolled his eyes annoyed. "I'll be down shortly." He called back to Chibbs.

"Where you got to be today, darling?" Jax questioned as we slowly both sat up in the bed.

"I'm in the office for a bit then back at the hospital most likely." I informed him as he got out of bed and gathered some clean clothes out of his dresser. He turned around and looked at me then leaned down and kissed me on the lips.

"I'm gonna take a shower. You wanna join me?" He asked, immediately making my cheeks redden and thighs clench together tightly.

"As tempting as that sounds, I should probably get downstairs and in the office before your mom fires me..." I told him with a smirk, he groaned disappointed as he pulled away from me and walked into the bathroom. I laughed when I heard the shower turn on and drug myself out of bed and searched the floor for my jeans and pulled them on. I glanced over towards the bathroom door to see that it hadn't shut all of the way and got a nice view of his ass before he stepped into the shower.

Oh my lord. I turned around quickly and focused on calming my breathing. It's just an ass. Jax Teller's ass though. It was a prefect one. An ass you had your hands all over last night. I quickly found my shoes and slipped them on and made my escape out of his room.


	22. Chapter 22: UPDATE ABOUT UPDATING

**Hey guys! I'm so sorry but this isn't an update, just an update about updating. I know I'm a total bitch and feel so terrible that I haven't updated in what feels like an eternity! The thing is my laptop broke, and by broke I mean my nephew who was here for Thanksgiving shattered the screen! *cries forever* so I am waiting on my new one to be shipped out to me! I should have it by December 15th and I promise as soon as I get it and rip it out of the box I'll be updating!**

 **Thank you all for hanging in there like the total rockstars you are! I'm typing this on my iPod btw, and it is freaking hard lol. Thank you for all the well wishes and understanding how I've been feeling dealing with my depression and medical issues. I ordered a mini keyboard for my iPad so I can type with that in bed... I'm hoping it'll be easier on my wrists so if that pans out expect some rapid updates guys!**

 **I hope you guys had a wonderful Thanksgiving and have a merry Christmas if you celebrate! And if not then I hope you just have a wonderful December then!**

 **Lots of love,**

 **Jenn :D**


	23. Chapter 23: Making Plans

**A/N: Soooo my little keyboard came for my iPad and I decided to finish this chapter really quick tonight! I promise the next will be longer than this! This is probably not my best chapter... Next one will be better!**

 **Enjoy!**

 **Xoxo**

 **Chapter 22**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

As I walked down the paneled hallway away from Jax's room towards the stairs I pulled my cell out of my pocket and dialed my mother's hospital room. My cheeks were still flushed with heat from seeing Jax in the bathroom. I listened to the phone ring in my ear and counted the rings silently to myself to preoccupy my mind. I made my way down the dimly lit hallway slowly, taking in the photographs hanging here and there on the walls. This clubhouse had a lot more character than I had originally thought it would have. I wondered if this was all Gemma's doing or if the guys had actually wanted it.

"Hey, baby." My mother's groggy voice answered.

"How are you feeling this morning?" I made my way down the flight of stairs towards the main room of the clubhouse and paused to admire the bike on display at the end of the hall. It was an older styled bike, not like the ones the guys drove now. The glossy mint green paint job on the bike was flawless. Its curves were sleek and quite beautiful. Jax had told me it used to belong to his late father John.

"I'm alright. A bit nauseated, but alright. The doctors are changing some of my meds around today. Plus, they have decided to give me something to hopefully help with the blurry vision." She explained to me, causing me to pause in the hall.

"Do I need to be there?" I asked concerned, feeling my stomach sink into a pit. It's difficult for her to come off meds and go onto new ones and sometimes quite painful for her. Not that me being there would help with that, but it's just the point.

"No, no. You need to work. I'll be fine. I'm tougher than you give me credit for. I'll let you know if I need anything, love." I smiled hearing the click as she hung up the phone, knowing had she not I would continue to protest until she caved and let me come be at her side. She was right; she was one of the toughest people I've ever known.

When my mother found out her diagnoses she handled it better than I did truthfully. She cried of course and asked God for the reasons why, but afterward she held herself together for me even though I knew she was terrified. I took a baseball bat to everything in my room to help cope. She's been determined to beat this, even though it's unbeatable. Her strength and tenacity is astounding. If I turn out to be half the woman she is I would be proud.

I continued down the hallway and stopped when I noticed the leather tweed double doors to the room all of the guys convene in slightly ajar. I hadn't really gotten a good look at the room the day when I barged in to give Jax the message about Wendy. Curiosity getting the better of me, I peeked inside the room. Thankfully it was empty. There were a few windows along the far left wall with blinds that cast shadows across the table in centered in the room.

I crept in and admired the clubs sygnia carved out in the middle of the table. Without thinking my hand reached out and touched the intricate beautiful woodwork. I ran my fingers over each ridge carved into the wood. It must have taken a lot of work to get this carved into the center of the table. It was fitting though. It was as if the table was the heart of the room, and the clubs sygnia the heart of everything else. A few posters and plaques lined the walls alongside file cabinets. One read, "YOU DON'T RIDE YOU DON'T VOTE." I wondered what it meant and smirked at it briefly. The room had a secure and somewhat peaceful feel to it and I liked that.

"Jax, I thought you might want some coffee… Oh, you're not…." A voice sounded off from behind me, startling me. I whipped around to see a dirty blonde haired girl staring back at me with a doe eyed expression on her face and a steaming cup of coffee in her hand. Her black slip dress hugged her well defined curves.

"Not Jax," I finished her thought quickly, "But thanks for the coffee." I smirked, taking the cup from her, desperately needing the caffeine at the moment. The chicks' mouth gapped open like a fish out of water. She looked pissed as I side stepped around her and got the hell out of the meeting room before I ended up getting caught by Deacon or worse Clay.

"Where did you get that shirt?" She asked, causing me to stop and turn to look at her and then glance down at the SAMCRO shirt Jax had let me borrow the night before. It had become my favorite shirt, mostly because it smelled like Jax; a mixture of smoke and grease.

"It's Jax's. He lent to me." I answered, noticing how red her face had gotten and her clenched ridged jaw. This was the same bitch that gave me shit the last time I was in the clubhouse.

"Yeah, I know whose shirt it is, sweetheart! He never lets anyone wear that shirt. Anyone, including me! What the hell makes you so god damn special, huh?" She seethed stepping towards me. Wow, she needs some serious anger management I thought. I sipped the coffee in my hand and watched her winding up like a ticking time bomb.

"Maybe he just likes my winning personality, or he did say he likes my smile, maybe that's why I get to wear the shirt. If you have a problem with it talk to Jax." I replied dryly, shrugging my shoulders. I was being a smartass, and honestly didn't care. I didn't like this bitch and she clearly didn't like me.

"Take it off or I'll take it off for you, skank." She threatened, stepping closer. I half laughed and set my cup of coffee down on the bar and rolled my eyes at her. I'm not doing this with her. I don't even know this bitch's name, nor do I really want to know her name.

"The only reason Jax is even interested in you is because you're new. Once he gets in your pants you'll just be another croweater that's crawling at his feet!" She hissed through gritted teeth. My blood was boiling as I bit my tongue and glared at her. My fists clenched at my sides as I reminded myself of how much I needed this job. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

I turned and started to walk away when I felt something latch onto my forearm and spin me back around. Instinctively I grabbed her wrist and twisted it behind her back and flung her into the bar. "What the hell is your problem!"

She wriggled and whined struggling to break free from my grasp. She's fucking insane!

"Woah there, ladies. As much as I love a good cat fight, preferably a nude one it's a bit early." I heard someone call out from behind me. I glanced over my shoulder to see Tig standing behind me. His arm draped over the shoulders of a half dressed Asian woman. He kissed her cheek and sent her on her way out the door.

"Tell that to her, she started it, I just finished it." I hissed, releasing her and stepping back. She spun around and glared at me.

"Star, why don't you go wash my bike?" Tig suggested. Her name was Star? How original. She puckered her bottom lip out and was about to protest when Jax rounded the corner and headed over towards us.

Star went to walk past me when I caught her forearm. "If you ever lay a hand on me again, your next periods coming out of your nose." I hissed in her ear. She yanked her arm out my grasp and fled out the door.

"Everything okay?" Jax questioned. I turned my head to look at him and gave him a tight smile.

"Just making friends." I mumbled. Tig smirked at me, patting my shoulder as Jax tried to figure out what had just happened.

"Fireball here's a real social butterfly." Tig chimed in making me chuckle. Tig walked around behind the bar and searched for a bottle of something even though it was early in the morning. It's five o'clock somewhere though.

Jax closed the distance between us and placed a hand on my waist, gently pulling me closer into him. I inhaled the scent of his soap and felt myself getting lightheaded.

"You sure you're alright, darling? The girls around here can get overwhelming at times. If she's giving you a hard time I can talk to her if you want." He asked, arching his eyebrows at me. I stepped into him more and looked up into his blue eyes and wondered what he saw in me for him to look at me the way he's looking at me.

"I'm fine, I swear. She doesn't bother me. It's nothing I can't handle." I told him, reassuringly. He smiled and leaned in placing his lips on my own gently. I let my hand rest on his shoulder by his neck as he pulled back, our foreheads resting together.

"So, I was thinking I'd take you up on that offer of cooking me dinner." Jax said, pulling me into him more. I could get high off of his intoxicating scent.

"Oh you would, would you?" I half laughed out.

"I would. Tonight, my place?" He suggested, caressing my cheek in his warm soft hand.

"I think I can fit you into my busy schedule." I replied, smiling at him.

"Oh your busy schedule, huh? You seeing some other guy I don't know about?" He said, seemingly bothered by the idea of me possibly spending time with anyone other than him. I don't want to spend time with anyone else. When I'm not with Jax he's constantly swirling through my mind. His smile. His laugh. His eyes.

"Would that bother you?" I retorted. He sighed and gripped my waist tighter.

"Yes," he breathed out, staring me dead in the eye. My breath hitched in my throat as I noticed Tig walk into another room. Jax did too because he slowly backed me up against the wall.

"The thought of you spending time with anyone other than me drives me insane." He whispered, as I stood on my tip toes to kiss him on the lips. I wish I knew what was happening between us. Whatever it was, I liked it, a lot.

"It's a good thing you're so exhausting then. I don't have time for anyone else." I smirked causing him to nibble on my earlobe before kissing down my jawline. His hair was damp from where he'd been in the shower. He kissed me sweetly on the lips and reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.

"You'll probably beat me there, so here's my key if you want to go ahead in and start cooking before I get there. Just make yourself at home." He said slipping the key into my back pocket, letting his hand rest on my ass afterwards. Smooth Teller, real smooth I thought.

"Jax, Clay wants you!" Tig hollered from around the corner causing Jax to loosen his grip on me. He didn't want to let go anymore than I wanted him to. My hands ran down his chest and fell at my sides.

"Can you do me a favor?" I asked, leaning against the wall feeling his eyes roam over every inch of me.

"What do you need?" He replied.

"Try not to get into a brawl with Deacon today." I placed my hand on his chest and pushed him back playfully so I could head to the office. I turned to walk away and felt him grab my hand.

"I can't make any promises." Jax smirked as he swiftly pulled me back into him, his lips finding mine in mere seconds. It was a quick playful embrace. All of the anger that had coursed through my veins earlier was now gone and I felt like a live wire of electricity.

"I'll catch up with you in a bit." He whispered in my ear, his breath tickling my skin. I gave him a small smile over the shoulder as I headed out of the clubhouse…


	24. Chapter 24: Lone Ranger

**Chapter 23: Lone Ranger**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

"Who's the dude in the Benz?" Half Sac questioned curiously standing in the door to the office. I looked up from the computer to see a sleek black Mercedes's Benz pulling into the lot. I'd know that car anywhere. I'd seen it pull into the driveway at the Oswald's countless times when I babysat Tristan. I got up from the desk and joined Half Sac at the door. We both held a hand over our eyes shielding them from the sunlight.

"That's Elliot Oswald. I know him and his family pretty well." I explained, watching as Elliot got out of his car and met up with Clay and Jax in the middle of the lot. Why on earth would he be here? Jax removed his sunglasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. My heart fluttered when he glanced in my direction.

"As in Oswald lumber?" Half Sac arched his eyebrows at me, looking at me sideways.

"Yeah, Oswald Lumber, Oswald Beef, and Oswald Construction. They practically own this town." There's not really a business in this town that isn't associated with the Oswald family, really.

Jax, Clay and Elliot started to make their way towards the office, causing Half Sac to retreat back into the garage. For the life of me I don't know how that kid wound up at this place. He's quite different from everyone else around here, but I like that about him and I guess I could say the same thing about myself.

Elliot stepped into the office first –his face grim and eyes puffy- followed by Clay and Jax then Deacon. Last night had to have been rough on him and Karen. My stomach twisted as I glanced at Deacon. We haven't talked since dinner a few days ago. The last time I saw him he was attempting to beat Jax to a pulp.

"How's Tristan?" I asked concerned, as Elliot squeezed my shoulder.

"We need the office for a bit." Clay started to say when Elliot cut in, "She was the one that found my little girl last night. She can stay and hear what I have to say."

Elliot sat down on the tattered couch in the corner of the office as Jax stood beside me leaning against the file cabinet. Deacon and I shared a few terribly awkward glances with one another before Elliot continued.

"My daughter's still in complete shock. She doesn't remember much. Asshole busted her in the jaw and threw her down in the dirt and raped her. She's only thirteen years old. She's still a baby." Elliot explained with a pained expression on his face. I closed my eyes and shook my head. How could someone do that to a child? What broke inside them to make them do such a horrid thing?

"What are the cops saying?" Jax asked, squeezing my elbow reassuringly. He knew how broken up about Tristan I was last night. Some part of me had hoped I was wrong about her being raped. But, clearly I wasn't.

"They took a report. Hale's out looking, you know how it goes around here." Elliot lowered his head in his hands and took a deep breath. The room was so quiet and still you could have heard a pin drop.

"I want you to find him. You bring the son of a bitch to me first. I'll pay anything you want." Elliot said looking directly at Clay and Deacon. I felt my stomach twist and drop realizing what exactly he was asking them to do and what he intended to do. In all honesty though, I didn't blame him for wanting this.

"What do you think we are, Elliot?" Clay grimaced, shaking his head. Elliot held a hand up cutting him off.

"The Oswald's have been in this town a lot longer than SAMCRO. I know what you are and what you do." Elliot got to his feet and stared down Deacon and Clay determined to get the answer he so desperately wanted.

"I don't want your money. Nobody comes into my town and does this to an innocent girl. We'll find the sick bastard. But When I deliver him to you, I'm gonna need to know that justice will be served. You know what I'm saying old friend?" Clay offered, cocking his head to the side with a smug look on his face. Elliot nodded his head in full agreement with the terms they'd just agreed upon. They were going to find Tristan's rapist and take justice into their own hands.

Part of me felt numb as I stood in the room with them and the other part of me wanted to help join the search... Jax had gone quiet beside me, clenching his jaw tightly shut.

"Don't worry, Elliot. We'll take care of it." Deacon said, extending his hand out to shake Elliot's. I watched as they walked out the door of the office. I placed a hand over my mouth and lowered my head.

"You take care of her." Clay mumbled, before stepping outside of the office.

"Are you really going to find the guy that hurt her and take care of it?" I blurted out without thinking. Jax slipped his hands into his pockets and nodded his head. What are they vigilantes now? My emotions were running wild as I tried to comprehend everything. Jax walked towards me and placed his hands on my hips and pulled me closer into him.

"Look, you gotta keep this all to yourself, okay?" He took my chin in his hand and made me look at him.

"I'm not going to tell anyone." I told him sternly.

"We do what needs to be done around here. That's how it's always been and always will be. This is who we are...it's who I am. When people get in a bind around here they come to us." Jax shrugged his shoulders as I got lost in his eyes. He looked worried for an instant that I'd go running for the hills, but that was the last thing I thought about doing. Tristan's rapist deserved whatever happened to him that, I knew. I nodded my head in understanding.

"You do what you have to do." I said quietly, gently wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him. I felt him hug me back and nuzzled my head into his shoulder and breathed in his intoxicating scent. We pulled back and he played with the tip of my hair and I noticed his lips pulling into that trademark smirk of his that I've come to know so well.

"I trust you, you know that. But, Clay's not so convincing, especially when it comes to outsiders hanging around the club. Members kid or not, I got to check you. It should've been done sooner." Jax informed me as I looked at him like he was crazy. What on earth is he talking about?

"Check me, for what?" I half laughed out.

"He wants me to make sure you ain't wearing a wire, darling." He explained as I laughed and shook my head. Of course he does. I stepped back and held my arms out at my sides.

"Knock yourself out." I smirked.

He licked his lips as his eyes skating over my body. He walked behind me and I felt his hands gently grazing over my shoulders and down my sides to my feet. His hands skated across the insides of my thighs as I fought the feelings brewing inside of me. I wondered how many times he's had to search a girl like this.

Jax's hands skimmed across the sides of my ribcage and back and then I felt his hand stop on my stomach. His body was pressed against the back of me. I felt his warm breath tickling my ear. My eyes had closed involuntarily as my brains way of trying to remain sane while his hands roamed over every inch of me.

"I'm sorry I have to do this." He whispered into my ear, nipping at my earlobe with his teeth. I let out a breath as my hands fell to my sides. I could feel how sorry he was pressed against the back of my ass. My thighs clenched together I smirked as his hand slipped under the front of my shirt, well his shirt, and rubbed against the top of my jeans.

"I'm sure your just miserable right now." I mumbled as thoughts of him undressing me right here and now flooded my mind. My face felt warm and was surely reddening. He chuckled in my ear and kissed the side of my neck. His fingertips caressed the ridge of my panties and then he stopped moving.

"Am I going to find anything down there I won't like?" He whispered in my ear. Oh you might just find my now soaking wet panties, but that's about it I wanted to say, but bit my lip and shook my head no. I should not be turned on right now and neither should he, but yet here we are.

"Good." He simply says and removes his hand from beneath my shirt just like that. My eyes flutter open as I turn to look at him, weary eyed and cheeks blushing. He smirked back in return telling me he did that on purpose not because he had to. I smacked him in the chest playfully, causing us both to laugh.

Jax sat down on the edge of the desk and pulled me between his legs, hands resting low on my hips. I placed my hands on his shoulders.

"Can you do me a favor?" He asked, tucking a few strands of hair behind my ear.

"Depends on what that favor is." I replied, smirking.

"I was supposed to take Wendy an overnight bag to the hospital. It's got some clothes and shit in it my mom packed up for her from the house, would you mind dropping it off with her. I would but now we're in this with Oswald." Jax explained tugging on the hem of my shirt looking up at me with those puppy dog eyes of his.

"Sure, I can drop it off in a bit." I reassured him. He nodded and kissed me on the cheek as he stood up.

"Thank you... By the way you look so damn hot in my t shirt." He whispered in my ear. I bit my lip and watched him stride towards the door.

"Jax," I said, causing him to pause and look over his shoulder at me.

"Find him..." I stated and with that he nodded his head and walked out the door.

* * *

It was half passed noon when I finally got ahold of Lena. On her days off from the diner she usually slept in until almost three, so she was oh so pleased when I woke her up. After about twenty minutes of her groggily bitching at me she perked up a bit. I'd been dying to talk to her since this morning and get her opinion on having dinner with Jax tonight and a few other things as well. I told her about Jax and Deacon not getting along. I held my cell between my cheek and my shoulder as I continued to file papers into the filing cabinet.

"They got into a fight over you? How hot is that?!" Lena mumbled on the other end of the phone. It sounded like she was either eating or brushing her teeth.

"It's not hot. That's my dad...it's annoying more than anything." I huffed fighting with the file cabinet drawer.

"Whatever. Your dad's hot though, in that older guy kind of way. I'd totally do him." Lena stated causing me to shudder at the mere thought of that ever happening.

"You need serious help." I laughed out, turning and plopping myself down into the seat behind the desk.

"So, dinner with Jax tonight? Things are getting serious now. Please tell me you are going to hook up with him already. I swear if you don't do it soon, I'm going to go after that myself." Lena pressed, causing me to shake my head and smile.

"We're taking things slow. You know the opposite of what you do." I laughed and started working on the next invoice on the computer. I glanced out into the garage to see if Jax had come out of the clubhouse yet, but I only saw Half Sac and a few other guys in the bay.

"Funny, what are you wearing? Actually, scratch that. I know what you'll wear if I let you. Jeans and a t-shirt. Text me his address and I'll bring you over a few suitable options to wear tonight." Lena suggested as I noticed Sheriff Hale's Jeep pulling onto the lot. I got up and walked to the door of the office and watched as a cruiser pulled in after him.

"Okay, I'll text you later." I said before hanging up and shoving the phone into my back pocket.

Hale stalked towards me and gave me a curt smile.

"Miss. Collins good to see you again?" Hale questioned, removing his sunglasses to look at me directly.

"What's this all about?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. I'd already given my statement to Hale last night at the carnival. There wasn't much I could tell him last night, just like there isn't much I can tell him now.

"I need to talk to that rag tag team of bikers, you mind getting them for me?" He stated. I smirked and pointed towards the clubhouse. Jax, Clay, Deacon and Chibbs were already making their way towards Hale.

"Is there anything else you can remember from last night? Maybe the time since then has helped something new come to light." Hale sighed as I shook my head.

"If you're selling Girl Scout cookies we ain't interested." Clay hollered as the guys strode to a stop behind Hale and his officers.

"We're investigating a sexual assault." Hale turned to face Clay and the others. Clay nodded his head and looked unimpressed.

"That investigation led you to my doorstep?" He questioned, crossing his arms over his chest, "Are you serious?"

"I need to talk to all your guys that were at the carnival last night. If they're not here, get them here now." Hale demanded. You could tell Hale was a bit intimidated by the men surrounding him by the way he stepped back away from them.

"You think a SON had something to do with that rape on that little girl?" Clay asked incredulously.

"Just following logic." Hale stated matter of factly.

"Wasn't it just last week four Oakland cops were busted for prostitution and rape? Logic tells me we should ask where your dick was last night." Jax butted in reaching into his cut for his cigarettes. He lit one up and walked over to lean against the door frame of the office, opposite to me.

"An don't say "in your momma." Clay smirked. I didn't know the man could smirk to be honest.

"Officers Mann and Fain will be taking your statements. It could take hours." Hale informed the men as they all shook their heads. He can't honestly think they'd be responsible for what happened to Tristan. They may be a lot of things, things I don't fully understand, but rapists, no.

"We're trying to run a business here." Clay gestured to the garage. Not many people will want to pull onto the lot with Charming PD's finest parked out front all day.

"We can do it here, at the station house, wherever you want to do it. And don't say, "In your mama." Hale spat back growing tired of the conversation. He was itching to put one of them in cuffs. Jax rolled his eyes and puffed smoke in Hales direction.

* * *

Hales presence on the lot made everyone uneasy, including my-self. It was hard to get anything done with Officer Mann and Fain coming into the office for coffee every twenty minutes. One by one they'd been interviewing each member of SAMCRO that had been present at the carnival last night. They'd even interviewed me for a third time. At this point I was just as sick of them as Clay and Jax. They guys were huddled in the garage keeping an eye on the officers enjoying their free coffee outside sitting on the hood of their cruiser.

I put the Snap-On tools representative on hold and headed out into the garage to ask one of the guys when they'd be able to place their next order with them.

"I can't believe these assholes are taking another coffee break." He huffed, walking over towards me. He ignored the glare Deacon shot at him and asked what I needed.

"There's a Snap-On rep on the phone. Something about placing an order for a new lift she said." I explained. Deacon patted my shoulder as he walked past me to go handle the conversation in the office, but said nothing.

"Hale must know we're looking for the guy. We're gonna be here all day." Clay groaned, puffing on an expensive cigar.

"Two double tranqaccinos coming up." Tig smirked as he walked past me into the office.

"Two what now?" I asked, following him into the office. He stood in front of the make shift kitchenette and pulled a packet of white powder out of his cut. What the hell is he doing? I peeked around the corner to only run into Jax.

"They're coming for another refill." He said and leaned into the door frame. Tig poured the powder into the coffee pot and swirled it around a few times to mix everything up just right.

"We're looking at a twelve hour nap." Tig said holding the pot in his hand with a crooked grin on his face. Real subtle I thought to myself and took the coffee pot out of his hand.

"It looks less suspicious coming from me." I pointed out. Tig gestured for me to take the lead. I turned around just as the officers walked through the door.

"Can I top you off?" I said with a painted on smile, my years of working at the diner finally paying off. Both officers accepted their full cups of coffee greedily. I smiled and turned to Jax in the doorway.

"Jax?" I offered holding the coffee pot in his direction. "I'm good, darling." He smirked when the officers weren't looking and had a look in his eye that told me he was amused by my role in all of this.

It didn't take long for whatever Tig had laced their coffee with to take effect. Within mere seconds both officers were falling to the floor unconscious. I sat the coffee pot down as Deacon helped one officer into the chair behind the desk and Clay guided the other onto the tattered couch in the corner.

Tig walked out of the office laughing his ass off, "That's so bad!" He slapped Jax on the shoulder as he went. I laughed and looked at Jax who continued to crack up himself.

"What am I supposed to do with two passed out Charming PD officers in the office?" I asked sort of hysterically. Jax fiend concern as he walked off laughing.

"Why don't you take the rest of the day off?" Deacon spoke up behind me, causing me to turn around and face him for the first time in a few days.

"Yeah okay." I agreed, not knowing what else to say at the moment.

"Look, Jax told me what happened between the two of you the other day. I get it, you feel like you have to protect me now that I know who you are, but I don't need you too. I can take care of myself. I want to get to know you, but this isn't the way." I said after a moment passed between us. Deacon lowered his head and ran a hand over the back of his neck, seemingly stressed. I wanted to ask him what he knew about John and the journal, but it wasn't the right time.

"You're right, I'm sorry. This is as new to me as it is to you, kid." Deacon said about to walk past me, he stopped and squeezed my shoulder before heading out the door.


	25. Chapter 25: Promises

**A/N: This chapter is so long! I hope everyone had a good Christmas! I'm sorry this is a bit late, I'm trying to get back on my writing schedule. I promise the next chapter will have TONS and I mean TONS of Jax and Rowan. It's gonna be soooooo good! That should be up by tomorrow night! I'd finish tonight but my wrists and back are killing me, so I'm off to bed!**

 **Question: Would you like for me to try and write for Jax's POV? I know he's a very complex character and I wouldn't want to screw him up.**

 **Enjoy! Review! Review! Review**!

 **Chapter 25: Promises**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

The light breeze tousles my golden hair around and into my face as I walk across the lot to my Mustang, Wendy's overnight bag in hand. I'd retrieved it from Jax's room. I swing open the door and place the duffle bag on the back seat. The rumbling roar of motorcycles coming to life captured my attention causing me to glance over at Jax and the other guys on their bikes about to head out to continue their search for Tristan's rapist. Officers Mann and Fain, or as I like to call them now, thing one and thing two, are still passed out in the office. I laughed lightly to myself shaking my head.

I slammed my car door shut and watched the guys take off out of the lot, one by one. Jax nodded his head at me as he went passed and gave me a small wave of his hand. My stomach twisted into knots thinking about what they'll do when they find the guy. The asshole deserves whatever fate he'll be handed but, it makes me wonder what happens when you cross that line. It also makes me wonder about how far I went to protect a guy a hardly know.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Gemma's voice pulls me out of my own headspace. I turn to see her glaring at me as she struts across the lot, heels clicking on the asphalt. Her black and blonde streaked hair fell perfectly around her hard features.

"I'm taking my lunch break. Half Sack has everything covered in the office. Plus, Jax asked me to drop off a bag with Wendy at St. Thomas." I fished my keys out of my back pocket and started for the door.

"You finally get to meet the junkie that almost killed my grandson, you should be so thrilled. Since you're heading to St. Thomas anyway, mind giving me a lift? My car's getting a new break alignment." Gemma asked, removing her Gucci sunglasses from her face and approaching the passenger side door. Internally I cringed and wanted to tell her to keep her talons off my car, but externally I shrugged and said, "Sure, hop in."

Twenty minutes trapped in a car with Gemma, this should be fun. Not. Gemma and I settled ourselves in the car. I started it up and backed out of my parking space. Gemma held up a pack of cigarettes as in asking if it was okay to light up, I nodded my head as I pulled off the Teller-Morrow lot. She rolled the window down on her side and lit up, the smoke instantly filling my nostrils.

"Do you still want to put your two weeks' notice in?" Gemma questioned looking at me out of the corner of her eye. The radio came on when I started the car so I reached over and turned the volume down buying myself some time before I had to answer her question. Did I want to quit? Did I want to just walk away from all of this now before I get in to deep? Maybe I'm already in too deep as it is. It would be so much easier to just say goodbye to this job and pretend I haven't found out about everything I've found out. Easy. Simple. Two things my life has never been, so why start now.

"Actually, I think I'd like to stick around. I like working here, plus it's a job, and I really need one." I replied casually, paying attention to the midafternoon traffic flooding the streets of Charming. Gemma chuckled beside me, causing me to glance over at her. "What?"

"You liking working at the garage or who's working in the garage? You and Jax are like a bunch of horny teenagers. I see the way you two have been eyeing each other. I also know you two had some fun at the fun town photo booth." Gemma point out. She flicked ashes out the window and blew smoke out of her nostrils.

"We didn't. I didn't… That's none of your business!" I pointed out. Does this woman have a filter on her mouth? You don't talk about things like this. You just don't. I opened my mouth to say something else, but closed it when Gemma patted my shoulder. The gesture seemed off to me.

"Oh relax," she chuckled. "I've done a thing or two in that photo booth myself." Nope, no filter whatsoever.

"To much information, Gemma." I felt nauseated even picturing Gemma doing anything sexual. My breakfast bar I chomped down in the office earlier was fighting to make reappearance. We stopped at a red light on Main St. As we were sitting at the light I noticed Jax's bike parked in front of Floyd's barber shop. Chibbs and Deacon were resting on their bikes.

"Pull over up ahead." Gemma instructed. When the light turned green I did as she requested. I pulled into the spot next to the bikes and saw Jax inside the barbershop talking to what looked like Chief Unser. I haven't seen him in forever. Gemma rolled her window down as Deacon walked towards her window.

"Is everything going alright?" Gemma asked. Deacon hunkered down and leaned in the window while I fiddled with the keychain hanging off the ignition.

"Yeah, just getting started, making sure Unser knows we got the lead on this one." Deacon replied, fiddling with a toothpick in his hand. He eyed me and then Gemma but said nothing. He's probably wondering why on earth we're together. I'm wondering the same thing myself.

Jax walked out of the shop, the bells above the door chiming as he went. He walked with so much purpose and strength with each stride that he took. Every time I looked at him I was in complete awe. He was handsome, and wicked looking all at the same time. A saint and a sinner mixed together like a perfect cocktail. Jax walked up on my side of the car. I rolled the window down as he lit a cigarette and knelt down so he was eye level with me.

"You decide to let Floyd cut all this off." I teased reaching out without thinking and running my fingers through the scruff he had growing on his cheek and chin. Jax chuckled sending my stomach fluttering. His laugh was the best sound I have ever heard.

"Nah, darling. I like it long and rough." He replied with a smirk. Something told me we weren't talking about his beard anymore and that had every hair on my body standing on end, but in the best possible way. I let my hand rest in the window and felt his hand encase my own. Gemma and Deacon had disappeared into another dimension it seemed and Jax was the only thing keeping my focus. That is until Gemma cleared her throat informing me of her presence beside me.

"Unser know anything useful?" She prodded.

"No, just told us we better not screw him on this. I'm hoping he can keep Deputy Dipshit off our case for a bit. We'll see. I gotta get back at it." Jax explained, finishing his cigarette and flicking it onto the asphalt. He squeezed my hand, and leaned in to give me a peck on the cheek. "I'll see you tonight for dinner." He promised before pulling away. Deacon wrapped his knuckles on the top of the car and just like that they were mounting their bikes and off again.

I pulled back out on to the road and continued on my way to St. Thomas. Gemma was quiet beside me and that made me feel a bit at ease.

"You know if you're sticking around you should probably learn a few rules. You'll want to write this down for future reference, baby." She said, breaking the silence. I knew it wouldn't last long. I glanced at her and then around the front of my car and shrugged.

"You know I don't seem to have a pen and paper." I joked a little.

"If you're serious about my son then you need to know that the club will always come first with him. Jax is loyal to a fault. To his club. To his family." Gemma rattled off as I took in the words that she spoke. He was always running off to do something club related. I wondered if that's how he would always been. Does he even have time to be bothered by a girlfriend? Is that what I am? "I've grasped that so far."

"The women around here, we have roles to play. Wife. Girlfriend. Mother. Maid. Therapist and an alibi when needed. The only time we really need to open our mouths though is in the bedroom. We do as were told and when we don't there's a price to pay." Gemma continued on. I hadn't realized I was gripping the steering wheel tighter than need be. I loosened my grip and flexed my fingers out.

"Are you ready for all of that?" Gemma questioned after her words lingered in the air. Jax didn't seem like the controlling type. He seemed genuine. Kind.

"I don't know. I hadn't really thought about it. Why are you telling me all this, Gemma?" I said as we pulled into the St. Thomas parking lot. I veered off to the left for visitor parking. Gemma seemed satisfied that she'd planted all of this in my head. Perhaps she wanted me to flee. Was what she's aid intended to scare me away? I've seen a lot of shit in the past few days. It's going to take more than this to get me to walk away.

"You better figure it out. The last girl that was a prominent figure in Jax's life couldn't handle all of that, but she lasted long enough to shatter him before she bolted for the Windy City." Gemma said as I searched for a place to park. A car up ahead was backing out so I waited and took the opening.

"Tara?" I sighed. If she was with Jax what made her walk away? I couldn't imagine being with him and not wanting to stay with him. Then again perhaps they just didn't mesh well together.

Gemma got out of the car as I shut off the engine, leaving me alone with my now swarming thoughts. I grabbed Wendy's bag and headed inside after Gemma. She was no doubt heading to see Abel. Luckily she'd made it to the elevator before me so I had to wait for the next one.

After stopping at the nurses station and asking which room Wendy was in I made my way towards her. They had moved her to a different room from when she was first brought in. My knuckles wrapped lightly on the wooden door. A faint voice said, "Come in."

Slowly I pushed the door in and peeked my head around to see Wendy sitting in her hospital bed. Her long dirty blonde hair was pulled up into a high pony tail, revealing her features. She looked tired, and pale, like the life had been knocked out of her. I suppose it had. Detoxing is a rough thing to endure. She was lucky she went through most of it while sedated.

"I'm Rowan. I don't know if Jax told you I'd be stopping by or not. I brought your overnight bag. Gemma packed it for you." I walked into the room further and noticed Tara over by the window filling out papers on her clipboard.

"How motherly of Gemma." Wendy replied with such distaste. I sat the bag down by the foot of her bed and slipped my hands into my back pockets nervously. Meeting Wendy felt awkward to say the least. She was married Jax. She had his son. Okay, it was more intimidating than awkward.

"I just need you to sign this affidavit Wendy." Tara spoke as she approached the side of the bed and handed over her clipboard and pen.

"Hospitals a little nervous about the liability issues." Wendy informed me handing the papers and pen back to Tara.

"I'm sure. How have you been feeling?" I asked, seeing nothing but regret riddled across her face. I won't stand here and judge her for the choices she's made because shit happens and sometimes it's hard to find a way to make it through.

"A bit dopey so to speak. I've had better days." Wendy gave me a half smile. She was pretty, but a little older than me.

"They said you had a friend smuggle in that syringe of meth." Tara stated catching me off guard. Wendy sighed and glared at Tara. She ran a frail hand down the side of her face.

"I can come back later…" This seemed personal.

"No, it's fine. Look I already told you don't go down that road Tara." Wendy said sharply, turning her gaze towards Tara.

"I know a friend didn't smuggle you in anything. I've got a pretty good idea who might have done it. When you want to talk about who did you can have a nurse page me." Tara countered, looking at Wendy and then myself.

Wendy laughed to herself. I was slightly confused as to who Tara was referring to. Then my mind jumped back to the night of the warehouse shooting and the night Wendy had overdosed herself. Gemma had been walking down this very hall. No, Rowan. That's not possible…

"Well look at this, all of Jackson Tellers women in one place. The ex that broke his heart. The addict who almost killed his son, and the prom queen." Wendy laughed out loud. I laughed slightly too. Tara stuck up her nose as she shook her head. Disappointed Wendy hadn't confided in her.

"Id do anything to take back hurting Jax." Tara mumbled. A spike of jealousy shot through me thinking about Jax and Tara. Do I have a right to be jealousy?

"So not the prom queen." I laughed out, stepping forward. Wendy gave me a sheepish smile and rolled her eyes.

"You look like a prom queen." She shot back at me.

"And you look like shit." I countered, giving a small smile so she knew I was joking. It was actually easier to talk to Wendy than I had thought it would be.

"Well I'll leave you two alone." Tara said before ducking out of the room. The small amount of tension in the air left with her.

"Has Jax been around at all?" Wendy asked quietly.

"Some that I know of. He's been with Abel a lot." I tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and sat down in one of the blue plastic chairs beside Wendy's bed. She nodded her head and swallowed the lump in her throat. "Have you been able to go see Abel yet?"

"No, I haven't been able to leave the bed."

"I've seen him. He's a beautiful little boy, Wendy." I dug my phone out of my back pocket and scrolled through the pictures and found one of Abel that I had taken.

"It's not the same as seeing him in person, but I have a picture if you want to see your son." I said extending the phone over to her. Wendy's eyes lit up as she eagerly took the phone from my hand. Within moments her eyes were filled with tears.

"Oh my god, he's so small." She cried, placing a hand over her mouth to stifle the cries desperately escaping.

"Thank you for showing me." She said glancing up at me. I fought back the burning sensation in my own eyes and nodded my head.

"You must think I'm a real piece of shit." She cried out still staring at the picture of Abel.

"I don't. At all. What happened was terrible, yes. But you still gave birth to a beautiful little soul. A strong one at that. I can see that he gets his fight from you and Jax." I tell her searching the room for some tissues. I spot a box on the opposite side of the room and grab a few and hand them to her.

"That's just pity talking. Pity I don't need nor want."

"It's not pity. It's the truth." A knock sounded on the door. Moments later Gemma stepped inside with a bouquet of wild flowers in her hands. That's awfully friendly of her…

"Some flowers to brighten up the place!" Gemma sits the flowers down on the bedside table and fluffs them trying to arrange them better in the vase.

"You two getting to know each other I see." Gemma smirked looking over her shoulder shooting me daggers which I'm assuming meant it was time for me to leave.

"I've got to go check in with my mom. It was nice meeting you Wendy." I said giving her a small smile and wave before walking out of the room.

I'm halfway down the hall when I reach into my pocket for my phone to text Lena when I realize I left it with Wendy. "Shit." I mumble under my breath turning on my heel and heading back towards Wendy's room.

Her door was left open slightly ajar. It must not have latched all the way when I walked out before. Gemma's voice inside the room cause me to freeze before entering.

"All I did was give you an option sweetheart. You're the one who took the cowards way out, and you couldn't even do that right." Gemma half laughed out. Cold fingers wrapped around my heart as I realized what they were talking about. Gemma had been the one to smuggle the drugs in for Wendy. She helped Wendy try and end her life. The mother of her grandchild.

"Well we can't all be saints like you Mother Gemma." Wendy retorted. I backed away from the door briefly and then knocked loudly.

"Hey! Sorry! I left my phone with you." I said running in to grab it quickly from Wendy. Gemma eyed me suspiciously, but said nothing out of the way. She didn't know I knew and I wanted to keep it that way.

I ducked back out of the room quickly, letting out a breath. I got on the elevator to head up to oncology and ran my hand through my hair. How the hell…what the hell kind of family is this? The elevator dinged and the doors slid open. I stepped out and felt my phone vibrate in my hand.

Jax.

"Hey," I answered a little to happily. I face palmed myself as I crept down the hallway slowly.

"Hey, I was just checking in." Jax replied as it sounds like cars passed by him in the background. I wondered where he was but didn't ask. My stomach flipped just hearing his voice on the phone.

Does he know what Gemma did?

"I'm glad you called I was going to pick up a few things for dinner but I wasn't sure what you were in the mood for. I was thinking steak?" I offered feeling him out. I stopped outside my moms room and leaned against the wall, biting my lip.

"I've got your porter house right here, babe." He laughed out, causing me to laugh.

"Oh my god Teller." I giggled.

"Where are you?" Jax asked sweetly.

"St. Thomas, still. I just dropped off Wendy's bag and now I'm popping in to check on my mom…"

"Good. Stay there, I need a favor. I'll find you when I get there." He said seriously.

"Okay, I'll be there soon." Jax replied into the phone. We said goodbye and hung up.

I walked into my moms room to see her bundled up on the bed and Lena sitting in the arm chair by the window. She tossed me a wink as I sat down on the bed with my mom. It wasn't out of the ordinary for Lena to show up here unexpectedly. She smiled weakly at me as I hugged her. "How ya feeling?"

"The headaches are killing me." She croaked out. I squeezed her hand and grabbed her chart off the end of the bed. They've adjusted her pain meds up even more. The fact that she's still in pain isn't good.

"I need to talk to your doctors again. They have to have something else they can try to help you." I sighed, frustrated.

"A little sexual healing might help." Lena said, giving me a coy smile. My mother laughed, like actually laughed. I smiled too and shook my head.

"I'd probably have a heart attack if someone tried to jump my bones at this point." My mother said causing me to shudder.

"Mom, no!" I laughed leaning my head onto her shoulder. A warmth spread through me as I soaked up every ounce of her laugh and smile.

"I was just filling your mom in on how you have a date with Jax Teller tonight!" Lena said stealing the pudding cup off my moms untouched food tray. A turkey on rye with a cut up Apple remained untouched in front of her. Losing her appetite isn't a good sign.

"What are you even doing here slacker?" I arch my eyebrows.

"Trying to track you down. I have some outfits for you for tonight. They're in my car. Plus, I like free pudding." She plopped a big scoop in her mouth and fell back into her chair with a smirk.

"So a date, huh?" Mom piped up. I glared at Lena.

"We're just having dinner. I can cancel if you want me too. We can play a board game and I'll get some pizza. You love pizza." My mom grabbed my hand and shook her head.

"You're going. You're not using me as an excuse. Baby, you have to keep living your life."

"Am I interrupting anything." That familiar voice came from behind me. I turned and looked over my shoulder to see Jax peeking into the room with a grin on his face. I smiled and stood up and shook my head welcoming him into the room.

"You must be Miss. Collins." Jax said gently taking my mothers hand in her own.

"I am. You must be the infamous Jax Teller I've been hearing about." She coughed and steadied herself in the bed. Jax smirked and glanced at me, placing a hand on the small of my back.

"Can I borrow her for a bit?" He asked innocently.

"Before you do, sweetie would you and Lena mind getting me some ice chips, please." My mother asked pointing towards the plastic cup on her table. I grabbed it and Lena got up reluctantly and followed me out of the room.

"Why'd she want us both to go get us?" I paused and glanced at Lena.

"Probably because you get lost!" She shot back at me shoving me along playfully.

One of the best things about St. Thomas was the fact that there was a ice box on every floor. I didn't have far to go to get the ice. Lena became easily distracted by one of the younger male interns working behind the nurses station.

"Not a chance!" I whispered as I walked past her gawking at him while she leaned on the counter.

I chuckled making my way back towards my moms room. I stopped when I heard my mom talking. Easy dropping is a horrible habit of mine. I can't help myself though.

"Having cancer gives me the luxury of being blunt and getting straight to the point. It's one of the perks." She laughed out grimly.

"I admire straightforwardness." Jax replied, I could see him move closer towards her bed and stepped back slightly in case he turned and would accidentally see me.

"When I'm gone, Rowan's going to need your help help picking up the pieces and help moving on with her life. I know you know Deacon. I know he'll do what he can. But I need you to promise you'll be there for her." My mom pleaded with him. I could hear the crack in her voice from here and felt the tears fighting to break out of my eyes.

"I promise. She won't be alone. I'll be there, you don't have to worry." Jax promised sternly. He meant it. It made my heart swell, but it also broke it too. I wiped a tear from my cheek as Lena slung her arm over my shoulder startling me.

"What are doing out here. Creep much?" She laughed pushing the door open and dragging me inside. My mother gave Jax a nod as we entered the room. Today I've heard to conversations I shouldn't have heard.

I sat her ice chips in front of her and felt Jax link his fingers through my own. I followed him back out into the hall and a wave of embarrassment hit me. I'm just starting to get to know Jax and she's asked him to watch over me?

"I need your help with something." Jax whispered placing his hands on my hips. The instant his hands touch me my body is fully awake and attuned to him. There's an undeniable attraction between the two of us. I feel it. I can tell he feels it too by the way he pulls me in closer, like he's afraid I'll blow away like a tumbleweed.

"What's going on?"

"We've nothing but dead ends with this thing. We're running out of options. Tristan's got to know something. A hair color. Skin color. Did the asshole have a tattoo? I need something to go on, but Karen's like a pitt bull circling outside her room. Oswald's saying she don't remember, but she has too. Otherwise we're screwed." Jax squeezed my hips sending zings through out my body. I pulled on the collar of his cut and took in everything he said.

"You want me to try and talk to her?"

"You're our best shot. She knows you, she's comfortable with you."

"Of course. I'll go right now and see if I can get her to tell me anything."

Jax slid his hand up my side and caresses the side of my cheek, pulling my lips towards his own. "Thank you." He mumbles against my lips. I kiss him again and pull away then head towards Tristan's room.


	26. Chapter 26: Heated Moments

**Chapter 26**

 **Jax's Point of View**

I never wanted to pull Rowan into any of this fucking bullshit, but I guess when she found Oswald's kid beat up and raped she was already into it. We've hit nothing but dead ends with this case all day, Rowan was my last option. Ernie gave Clay and I the run around this morning when we thought one of the Nord's might be responsible for Tristan's attack. We saw a bunch of guys from their crew at the Carnival last night. Woulda been a great way for them to piss on Charming ground. To my surprise all their men were accounted for last night Though..

"Hey, mom." I said as I opened the door to Abel's room in the NICU. She sat in a rocking chair beside his incubator with a book in her hands. I smiled and peeked inside at Abel lying there fast asleep.

""Thought you guys were on the hunt?" She raised her eyebrows at me. I sighed and ran a hand down the side of my face staring down at Abel. He was a cute little shit.

"We hit a dead end. I'm hoping maybe Rowan can talk to Tristan and get some details out of her since she knows her better than any of us." My mom rolled her eyes at that, causing me to glare back at her in return. No one has every been able to please my mother. Not even Tara. Why would I think Rowan would be any different. It was a little awkward meeting Rowan's mother awhile ago. There was such a difference in her mother verse my own.

"You really think it's a good idea letting her get in on this?" She asked, standing up to join me beside Abel.

"She's already in this mom. I don't really like it, but it is what it is." I replied, watching a small smile pull on Abel's lips while he slept. I smirked down at him. I never thought I'd be the guy that had a kid, but here I am. There's no going back now. I couldn't go back now even if I really wanted too.

"Alright then. The junkie's awake." She informed me with so much disdain it made my skin crawl.

"Don't call her that." I growled back in return. Wendy screwed up when she wigged out on the drugs with the kid in her belly, but I should have been there more. I should have kept a better eye on her, checked in more. It wasn't all her fault. Nine months ago I didn't want a kid or a family. Especially with Wendy after the way we got along. Then she tells me she's knocked up and I'm the father. I was pissed.

"Fine!" She surrender throwing her hands in the air mockingly.

"You think he can really hear us?" I asked after a moment of silence passed between us.

"Yeah, I think so. God, I remember when you were this little." She reminisced. I glanced at her to see a smile on her face lighting up her cold hard features.

"Getting sentimental much?" I laughed lightly looking up and through the window out into the hallway. Oswald was pacing back and forth with his hands on his head.

I gave my mom a squeeze on her shoulder before stepping out into the hallway to talk to Elliot. He looked like he had been hit by a bus. His eyes were bloodshot from no sleep.

"Did you find the guy that did this to my little girl?" He rasped quickly, stepping towards me. I wish I could tell him we had him, but we don't. Not yet anyway.

"No, but we aren't giving up. We need you to talk to Tristan." I slipped my hands in my pockets and stepped towards Elliot as a nurse walked by.

"Tristan doesn't remember anything once she got off the ride she was on." He ducked his head down and rubbed his temples. I felt for him, and his family. If something like this happened to someone I cared about I would be going off the fucking deep end.

"You got to dig a little deeper. We need something better to go on here. I mean was the son of a bitch black, white, Mexican? Did he have any tattoos?" I practically begged. Right now we have no leads. If the fucker is still in town Tristan has to give us something useful.

"She's still in shock. Karen just wants her to rest." Elliot looked at me sternly, he was breaking down on the inside though. This whole situation was crumbling him to pieces.

I spotted Rowan walking down the hallway behind Oswald and lifted my hand indicating for her to wait until I got rid of Oswald. "Look, man, we're not gonna stop until we find the asshole. I'll let you know when we have something." He nodded his head as I patted him on the shoulder. I side stepped around him and made my way down the hallway to Rowan.

She gave me a small smile as I approached her and took my hand leading me into an empty room on the left. A wave of her scent filled my nostrils and it was all I could do to keep myself in check. I interlocked my hand with hers and prayed silently that she had something useful for us.

"Karen's been keeping her quiet, I guess she doesn't want the entire town of Charming knowing her daughter was raped at FunTown. She remembered who attacked her, she said it was some heavyset guy with a long beard, he wore a clown costume. As if clowns weren't fucking creepy enough." She blurted out quickly. I smirked and placed my hands on her cheeks as I pressed my lips against her forehead.

"Thank you!" I whispered, she nodded her head and looked up at me with those big green eyes and I felt my heart beating wildly in my chest. She has no fucking clue what those eyes do to me.

"I'll see you later tonight at my place." I arched my eyebrows at her as I stepped back pulling my phone out of my pocket to let Clay in on this. She nodded her head and grabbed my forearm before I could walk out of the room.

"Hale was heading towards her room when I came out. I don't know how much time you have before she finally talks to him, so you have to hurry. But, please for the love of God be careful."

"I'll be fine, promise." I leaned in and kissed her on the lips lightly. Her entire body relaxing at my touch. Fuck. If I weren't running out the door I'd shove her up against the wall and take her right here. I kissed her forehead one more time before running out the door.

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Lena decided to join me at Jax's to help me pick out an outfit to wear tonight after I stopped at Food-lion and picked up a few things for dinner. Steak, potatoes, and asparagus drizzled in olive oil. It was one of the only meals I could cook without screwing it up too much. Part of me wondered if we should just do this some other time with everything going on, but Jax seemed like he needed this. I'm glad I was able to get Tristan to talk to me. It was one of the hardest things I've ever had to listen too though, that and when I found out about my mom's cancer.

"He has a fucking nice backyard, with the pool. There's no water in it though." Lena said as she came in from the patio, closing the sliding glass door. I'd let myself inside like Jax had requested. It felt weird and yet comfortable to walk into his home. Like I sort of felt at home almost.

"He told me the liner is cracked. He just hasn't fixed it yet." I unpacked the groceries and set everything on the counter as Lena headed around the corner into the living room.

"So things are pretty serious if he gave you a key to his house then, huh?

"No, not really. I'm giving the key back. It's not like we're moving in together." I called back to her searching the kitchen for some frying pans and a pot to make the mashed potatoes in. when I didn't get a response from Lena I peeked my head around the corner to see her looking through his Netflix account. Seriously?

"What are you doing?" I snatched the remote out of her hand only for her to grab it back.

"Shut up, I'm looking through his Netflix account not his underwear drawer. You can learn a lot about a person from what's in their Queue!" I glared at her until she rolled her eyes and turned the TV off.

"Happy?" She snapped at me sarcastically.

"Ecstatic." I replied, with a smirk.

We headed back into the kitchen together. I started to cut up some potatoes while Lena showed me some horrible options of things for me to wear tonight. Why I couldn't just wear jeans and a t shirt was beyond me. She showed me option one; a black crop top with leather shorts that I immediately shot down. Crop tops are not my thing. Lena's yes, me not so much. Option number two; a white skater skirt with some other low cut top that didn't suit me well either. Option number three; a plaid pleated dress that buttoned up the front, with suede ankle boots. I liked that option the most. It was more me, little less strippery,

"Okay, but you have to wear the boots too or it ruins the whole outfit." Lena said, handing me the dress and boots.

"Why, I'm fine in my sneakers. Jax isn't going to care what kind of shoes I have on, Lena." I pointed out as she shoved me down the hallway towards the bathroom.

"Trust me, he'll notice and love them. It's called being sexy, you should try it sometime!" She shouted as I closed the door on her and laughed.

I changed into the dress and looked at my reflection in the mirror. What could he possibly see in me? I look nothing like what he's probably used too. Opening the bathroom door and stepping out into the hallway I noticed Jax's bedroom door was ajar. Dammit Lena. I barged in to find her looking in his nightstand. "Lena, seriously. There's a thing called privacy, you should look up the meaning sometime."

"Look at these," she laughed, turning to show me the box of XL condoms in her hand. I felt the wind was being knocked out of me, "I knew he was hung. This just confirms it." She laughed again and tossed the box back into the nightstand. My cheeks reddened just thinking about seeing him naked let alone having him inside of me.

When she looked at me her grin fell slightly.

"You haven't told him you're a virgin have you?"

"No, it hasn't exactly popped up in causal conversation."

"You have to tell him! I mean he's obviously got it on his mind or he wouldn't have invited you to his house all alone for "dinner." She put air quotes around the word dinner, like their was some sort of ulterior motive behind this whole thing. I swallowed the lump in my throat and pulled her out of his bedroom and shut the door.

"Relax, Ro. I'm just screwing with you. Tonight will be fine, whatever happens happens." She said softly, pulling my hair down and instructing me to shake it out.

"Although, if you're not going to bone him at least show him some cleavage." She smirked making me unbutton the top buttons on my dress, showing my cleavage and a bit of my bra.

"You have to leave before you give me a nervous breakdown." I laughed, shoving her towards the door. She stuck her tongue out at me and opened the front door, "Just in case things happen to head in a sexually related route I packed you a few things to wear for your walk of shame in the morning."

"Get out!" I laughed uncontrollably pushing her out the door and shutting it. I leaned against the door and covered my face. This is a terrible idea…

 **Jax's Point of View**

The engine to my bike rumbled beneath me as I let it idle in the driveway. I turned off the ignition and just sat there for a few minutes replaying tonight in my mind. As if things weren't fucking tense between Clay and I to begin with he has to go and pull a stunt like this tonight with Oswald. The only reason he even offered our services to Oswald was to take out insurance that he wouldn't sell off his land to any outsiders. If outsiders come in, more cops get involved and more government bullshit comes into Charming making it difficult for us to do what we do here.

We brought the rapist to Oswald for him to take care of. The blood was supposed to be on his hands, instead it's on Clays. I don't know how he knew he'd chicken out when it came down to taking care of shit, or it really mattered. This wasn't about justice it was about insurance and blackmail.

I got off my bike and headed towards the house, trying to shake the images of that guys being castrated from my mind. There's light flooding out of the Windows which means Rowan didn't bail on me. I turn the knob on the door slowly and step inside, hanging my cut on the hook my the door. Peeking around into the kitchen I see her standing in front of the counter.

She looks so perfect standing there with her back to me in front of the counter. The plaid dress she's wearing is giving me a good view of those sexy long legs that I haven't been able to get out of my damn mind. Music is coming from somewhere in the kitchen, my eyes land on her phone on the counter. Their instantly pulled back to her hips gently swaying to the beat. Fuck. I'll have a hard on before we even eat dinner. I lean against the door jam and continue to watch her sway those hips and hum along to the song. She has no idea I'm even standing here, and right now I want to keep it that way. I could get lost just watching her be. My favorite thing since she started working in the office is looking up from working under the hood of a car and see her working on something at the desk. Her little brows furrowed with concentration. Her smile when she's on the phone.

"Oh my god! How long have you been standing there!" She shrieks when she turns around and spots me spying on her. She laughs lightly, letting out a breath like I scared her.

"Not nearly long enough." I walk towards her and put my hands on her hips. Her hands slide up my chest and rest gently on my shoulders.

"Did you find him…" Her voice trails off.

"It's done."

A moment of comfortable silence passes as I rest my forehead against hers.

"Do you want to talk about it?" She whispers, running her thumb over the gash on my cheek that got from the brawl at the carnival earlier when we made our citizens arrest.

"I don't want to talk about anything club related. Let's just talk about you…" I tease, squeezing her sides causing her to giggle like a five year old.

"Dinners ready if you're hungry. I can make you a plate?" She asks, switching the subject just like that. The fact that she's not pushing for more details about all that's happened astounds me. It was never like this when I was with Tara. There always had to be an explanation and I hated it.

"Yeah, I'm starving." I sit down at the table and watch her fix me a plate of food and can't help but smile. I could get used to this all to quickly.

The words her mother spoke earlier today swirl in my head. She wanted to know that her daughter would be alright once she's gone, if she'd have someone to help her through it all. My answer was yes, and I meant it.

We sat down and ate and drank beer and talked about everything but the club. I noticed a photo on the counter by the fridge when I got up to get us both another beer and picked it up. It was an old photograph of Tara and I on my bike. We were young in the photo, seventeen, eighteen at best.

"I was looking for utensils and I found it in a drawer." Rowan said, pulling my attention back to her and away from the photo.

"I don't even remember when that was taken." I reply tossing it in the garbage. Rowan looked at me with wide eyes.

"What I don't want it."

"What happened between you two?" She asked before taking the beer out of my hand as I handed it to her. I sit down across from her again shaking my head.

"We just didn't click anymore. Tara wanted out of Charming and I didn't. She thought she was too good to be with a guy that worked in a garage 40 hours a week. I didn't want the prestigious lifestyle that she wanted. I didn't want to be Mr. Knowles if you catch my drift."

"I understand. I don't see anything wrong with working in a garage it's what makes you happy and it's what you want." She said shyly, glancing down at her plate and back up at me. God she was beautiful…

"She's in my past."

"But she's back in Charming now."

"She might be back in Charming but she's not back in my life. I mean I guess I'll always care about her somewhat, she was my first everything, but we all have our firsts." I laugh a little noticing how red her face is getting. She laughed and took a shot of her beer before smirking over at me.

"Not all of us have had firsts."

"You're shitting me right?"

Did she seriously just say she's never been fucked before. I choke on my beer as it slides down my throat and set the bottle back on the table. She looks at me innocently, inadvertently pulling her bottom lip between her bottom teeth. I can feel my jeans becoming tight just looking at her. What the fuck is happening to me? I haven't felt feelings like this since… Tara. Even then they weren't this strong.

I watch from the table as she walks our dirty plates over to the sink and sets them down. How someone hasn't touched her is beyond my fucking comprehension. It's taking everything in me to behave myself right now, something I don't normally do. I don't want to fuck this up though. She's beautiful, smart, and sexy as fuck. I've wanted her, ached for her since that day in the diner, before that really. I've dreamt about having her on her back in my bed calling out my name with her legs wrapped tight around me while I fuck her into oblivion. I've been taking a lot of cold motherfucking showers to help curb my excitement for her. It's like I'm thirteen again and nothing helps.

Grabbing the remainder of my beer as I stand up I walk over to the counter and lean my back against it and watch her. She flashes me a small smile and returns her attention to the dishes in the sink.

"So you're telling me you've never had any kind of…"

"Nothing…" She laughs. " I meanI've had opportunities I suppose you could say but I've never trusted anyone enough to go through with it."

Her eyes return to the dishes in the sink as I sit my beer down on the counter. Slowly I creep up behind her and place my hands low on her hips pressing myself against the back of her. Her entire body stiffens and then relaxes into me. The exposed skin on her neck is just to tempting, gently I place my lips against her skin on the nape of her neck. I continue to plant small feather kisses up to her ear, then pull the bottom of her ear between my teeth. A small moan escapes from her lips as a dish falls out of her hand and hits the bottom of the sink. I smirk into her ear. Clearly I'm quite distracting.

"Jax…" She rasps, both of our bodies buzzing with energy.

"Do you trust me?" I whisper, before kissing the back of her shoulder lightly. A shudder runs through her as my hard on presses against her ass. She turns her face so she's looking at me over her shoulder. Again she's biting her damn lip. Instantly my hand moves up and my thumb pulls her lip free.

"You know I'm glad that no other guy has touched you the way I want to." I whisper into her ear. Another shudder rolls through her body.

"Whys that?"

She wants me and I want her in this moment. She doesn't want to want me but she does.

"Because I'm the one meant to take that from you. This is where you're meant to be. Right here in this moment with me. ." A breath of air escapes from her lips as she stares at me. Her eyes gut me every time she looks at me. Right now they're full of lust, curiosity and I sense a hint of uncertainty. She wants to explore this part of us, but she's scared. Scared that I'll break her heart. Scared that I'll leave after I get what I want. I'm not gonna lie I've done that in the past and felt terrible for doing it, but there's something about her that I can't seem to shake. She has no fucking clue that she's got me hook line and sinker. I couldn't leave her alone even if I wanted too. She's become an obsession. An addiction. A craving I can only satisfy by touching, and kissing her.

"Do you trust me?" I ask again, caressing her cheek with my calloused hand. Her eyes dart away from me and then find me again. My thumb strokes across her cheek as she relaxes into me more.

"I trust you…" She says, it's barely audible but I hear her. I see it in her eyes. I lean in and kiss her. Slowly, at first and then part her mouth with my tongue and take what I need. She eagerly obliges. Gently I turn her so she's facing me and pin her against the cabinet within seconds losing a little bit of control. My eyes roam down to the cleavage that's been making an appearance every time she moves in that dress when we break apart momentarily.

The heat between us is so hot it rivals the heat on the sun. My dick is straining against her stomach and she smells like coconut and something else tropical. I wonder if she tastes like it too. Her small delicate hands push up my chest and lock around my neck. Taking her face in my hands I kiss her, pulling her into me even more. As I deepen the kiss a small moan escapes from her only egging me on even more. She threads her fingers through the back of my hair. Our lips connect like they've been doing it forever. Fuck. I could do this forever with her.

My hand skims down her shoulder and arm and wraps around her back, pulling her tighter against me if its even possible. Her breasts are pressed against my chest driving me insane. She breaks away and kisses my neck tenderly clawing at my t shirt around my neck. My hand slides down and palms her ass. Another breathless moan escapes her lips as I continue to kiss her more aggressively taking what's mine. Wanting nothing more than to feel her legs wrapped around me I bend down and pick her up effortlessly, sitting her gently on the edge of the counter. My hands roam over her thighs kneading the skin and slip under the hem of her dress tracing the hem of her panties. God her skins so smooth, like silk. Hooking my hands under the back of her knees I pull her forward more so she's completely wrapped around me. I grind my erection into her and she gasps at the sudden contact. Music to my fucking ears. "Jax." She breathes against my lips.

My lips devour hers hard and aggressively. It's birding on violent, bordering on violent. I cup her face in my hands and kiss along her jaw and down her neck. Her fingers leaving crescent shapes on the back of my neck. Working my way back up I find her lips once again. I press my forehead against hers and stare into her beautiful lust filled eyes.

"We don't have to have sex, darling. I don't want to do anything you aren't comfortable with, but… I need to feel you. I need to see you come apart for me. For only me." Her cheeks are flushed and her breathing is rapid as my words hit her. She cups my face with her hands and kisses me deeply, longingly. "You want this." I whisper reaching up and fingering the buttons on her dress. This dress would look so much better on my bedroom floor. She nods her head, and slides her hands all over my chest. "Say you want this."

Innocently the words leave her mouth slowly, "I want this. I want you, only you."

Those words are all I need and all I can handle. One by one I unbutton the buttons to the front of her dress, all the while keeping my mouth locked on hers. Her hands find the hem of my shirt and I feel her cool palms pressed against my hot skin. Her hands move delicately up my chest and I watch her face as she takes in every ropey ab. Taking a moment I hook my thumb through the back of my shirt and yank it over my head tossing it onto the floor. Once her dress is fully unbuttoned I begin to kiss down her neck again moving towards her collarbone. It's like I can't get enough of her fast enough. My dick is throbbing for her, to a point where it's almost painful but I don't want to push her into this. I do need to see her come undone before me.

"God you're so fucking beautiful." I whisper into her ear cupping her breast in my hand. A whimper leaves her as I rub my thumb over her bra feeling her pebbled nipple. Her hips buck into mine and a gasp escapes from me this time.

"You're killing me." I whisper biting the skin on the nape of her neck right above her pulse point. I feel her soft lips pressing against my chest as I slide my fingers over her bra straps. Her lavish green eyes meet mine and I swear my heart stops. She glances down at my hands on her bra straps. "I want to see you. I need to fucking feel you. You have no idea the things I want to do to you right now."

"I think I have an idea." She smirks. My lips land on hers immediately as her hands move up and down my chest, squeezing and feeling every inch of me.

I slide my fingers down her arms along with the bra straps causing the front of her bra to sag exposing more of her tits. My lips caress her golden skin with no remorse.

"Jax, I've never… This is all so new." I suck and nip at the newly exposed skin above her breasts and without asking I yank one of the cups down and take her peaked nipple in my mouth. Her hand rakes down my back as I swirl my tongue around her nipple in a delicious motion sending her head into my shoulder, she kisses me on the shoulder and when I gently bite her breast she cries out with pleasure into my shoulder. I grasp her breast with my hand before taking it in my mouth again then working my way back to her mouth.

"Trust me. You'll like this as much as I'll like doing it to you." My hand grazes across the hem of her panties and slowly slides underneath and down. Her eyes have fluttered closed and she's biting her lip, so I bite it and hold it between my teeth. "Look at me… I wanna see you fall apart for me, darling." Her eyes snap open and lock on mine as I pass over her mound and feel her.

"Fuck…" I groan at how wet she is for me. I slowly stroke my fingers over her, teasing her.

"Is that for me?" I say, pressing my forehead against hers. I slide my free hand up around the nape of her neck. "Yes," she gulps as I start massaging her clit.

"Were you wet like this this morning when I searched you? Did you want me to do this then? Because I know I fucking wanted to bend you over the desk." I whisper raggedly in her ear as tiny moans fall from her swollen lips. I reach up and tangle my free hand in the back of her messy hair and tilt her head back so she's looking at me.

"You were weren't you?" I smirk.

"Yes…god yes."

"Oh. My. God." She gasps as I continue this torturous game. Her hands are latched onto my neck. The pressure from her nails is bordering on painful but I couldn't fucking care less. My dick couldn't possibly be anymore hard, but looking at her with her hair a mess and her clothes ripped off it only gets harder.

Gently I slide two fingers inside her and feel her entire body igniting at my touch. I push further entering her the rest of the way as my lips ravage hers. I work my fingers insider her quickly and feel her hips rising to meet my movements. It doesn't take long before an entire shudder rolls through her body and I feel her muscles gripping me. "Fuck this is gonna make me lose my mind."

One final thrust of my fingers has her flying over the edge. My name falls from her lips with each ragged breath and I know I'll never get over this. Nothing with compare to this. Her legs tighten around me and her entire body shudders as she nips at my earlobe. "Jax..." I keep my fingers in rhythm with her to prolong the experience wanting this to last forever.

I feel her body relax as she lets go and sinks into my chest. My chest is so tight right now it feels like I'm having a fucking heart attack. I want to be inside her so bad. I remove my fingers and stroke her a few more times and feel her tightening again. She raises her head up from my shoulder and watches as I lick my fingers clean.

"That was… I had no idea it could be that way."

"It only gets better."

"Show me how much better it can be."

"Fuck you're gonna make me come, babe." I whisper out before taking over her mouth with my own. Her hands slide down my chest to my belt and start to unbuckle it.

"Hey, we don't have to do anything you don't want to do. We can wait like you wanted. I'll be patient. Or try to be at least."

"I've waited my whole life for this. For you. I don't want to wait any longer. Do you?"

"Fuck no."

Lifting her off the counter I turn and carry her out of the kitchen into my bedroom where she belongs. Where she'll always belong…

 **TO BE CONTINUED….**

 **A/N: holy mother of god, I can't believe I hair wrote half of what I wrote. Hehe. Was that okay? Or should I never write another sexy scene again? lol Sorry it's been so long since I've updated, my depression has been kicking my ass lately. I haven't wanted to write in weeks. Every time I sit down to write I can't. Then I feel terrible for not updating and it's a huge vicious cycle. Thanks for being so patient and kind!**


	27. Chapter 27: T-Shirt

**Rowan's Point of View**

Jax carried me into his bedroom and sat my feet down gently on the ground. His hands never left my body as we continued to loose ourselves in one another. My cheeks were red and flaming hot still from what happened in the kitchen moments ago. I know when this is all over I'll probably be embarrassed as hell, but right now I couldn't care less.

My heart pounded wildly inside my chest. A light sheen of sweat covered my body causing me to feel slightly cold, but we continued to burn brighter than any fire I'd ever seen. I glanced down at the bed beside us hesitantly, while Jax sucked and nipped all along my collarbone. I was incredibly nervous but at the same time felt completely at ease. His touch had a way of calming me down. The way his hands moved up and down my body like I was a fragile work of art.

Jax cupped my face in his hands gently and kissed me on the lips. Even through the darkness in the room I could still feel his eyes on me. He slipped my dress off my shoulders and I lowered my arms so it would fall to the floor. He was about to reach around and unhook my bra when I pulled back slightly.

"Hey, you okay?" He whispered concerned, cradling the sides of my arms in his hands. His thumb running circles into my elbows. "We don't have to do this."

"No, I want to! I'm just…scared…a little." I replied honestly. I was completely vulnerable standing here in front of him half naked.

"Scared? Of what, me?" He gently cradled my face in his hands, waiting patiently for me to open up to him.

"Of you…this…us." He let out a small sigh and gave me one of his little grins that made me go weak in the knees. He guided me so I could sit down on the edge of his bed and knelt down in front of me placing his hands on both sides of me.

"I'd never hurt you." He said sternly looking directly at me. The moonlight creeping in through the blinds lit up his face perfectly. He was so sincere and so serious that my heart melted.

"I know. Thank you." I placed my forehead against his and cradled his face in my hands. His stubble pricking my skin.

"You wanna know a secret?" He asked.

"Yes." I ran my fingers over his bare shoulders taking in the way his muscles flexed whenever he'd move.

"You scare me." He let the words fall out slowly as our eyes met. I smirked and shook my head at his nonsense. He reached up and tucked some hair behind my ear.

"You're not scared of anything." I pointed out. Jax was one of the most brash and brave people I've ever met. He had to be to do the things that he does for the club.

"I'm scared of the way I already want you so much. I'm scared of needing you this much already. I'm scared of not having you in my life." He said as he held my cheek in his hand. The fact that those words even left his mouth made me realize just how vulnerable he was being. He didn't seem like the type of guy to open up like this often, so I was honored that he spoke those words to me.

"I'm right here." I kissed his fingers and then kissed him on the lips with no intention of stopping. Everything between us seems to have happened so fast. But it doesn't mean the feelings we share for each other aren't real.

Jax kissed me until my lips felt like they were numb. He was taking his time and prolonging things for my benefit and comfort. But I wondered how long he'd be able to last before it all became to much. He crawled on top of me as he pushed me gently onto my back. Our lips never breaking contact. His lips trailed down my neck towards my collarbone and then ventured down between my breasts. I giggled slightly when his tongue dipped into my belly button and felt him smirk against me.

He stopped when he came to the hem of my panties and leaned back. He placed his hand on the back of my calf and removed my boots one at a time. "Nice boots." He murmured against my skin kissing from my foot up to my knee. I couldn't help but laugh at Lena's comment about him noticing my shoes. He planted a kiss on one knee and then the other. My god, I never knew being kissed on the knee could feel so damn good.

His lips moved up my inner thigh towards the very heart of me. I closed my eyes and focused on steadying my breathing and let myself get lost in his touch. He licked up my chest and found my lips once again. Our tongues met and collided.

Jax reached underneath me and unhooked my bra, tossing the lacy fabric behind him somewhere. He drew in a breath as his eyes grazed from my shoulders to my navel. Everywhere his eyes landed I could feel him, like he was physically touching me. "You're so beautiful."

He hooked his fingers on the hem of my panties.

"Can I see all of you? Will you show me?" He asked; voice husky and strained.

"Yes," I nodded. He shed them from my body not wasting any time. I was already so sensitive that a single touch would probably set me off. He spread my thighs apart and kissed my lower stomach beginning his torturous decent south.

I can feel his finger nails digging into my thigh so hard I'm sure I'll have marks on my skin tomorrow. I'm high, dazed and bordering on delirious when his tongue sweeps up my center leaving a cool blazing trail of fire in its wake. My head involuntarily turns as a moan escapes my lips. I clutch the comforter to keep me anchored.

"Oh my god."

He continues to lick and bite at the bundle nerves that are all too sensitive. My back bows off the bed to escape and find more of the painful pleasure that he's inflicting upon me.

While rocking against him, my hand somehow manages to touch his hand holding my thigh. He lets go of my thigh and grabs a hold of my wrist as I do the same to his. He was holding my hand almost as if to say that it's okay. That he's here and not going anywhere.

His tongue worked sending my world shattering into another dimension. It felt like his tongue was reciting the alphabet. I felt him place a one finger inside and then the other and new I was gone. Three deep thrusts matched with the swirling of his tongue was all it took to break me.

I'd never soared so high or felt anything so perfect and real. Here lately I've been doing things and facing responsibilities someone my age shouldn't have to face just yet, but this right here was for me. I panted and whimpered as a shock wave took over my body. My muscles contracted around him and I fell hard. I felt free.

This man had the ability to free me from everything. This biker had the ability to break my heart…and I just handed it to him willingly.

I was dazed and confused that I didn't dare move when it was all over. Jax kissed up my stomach and found my lips enveloping me with his body. I wanted to speak but new no words could even be formed quite yet.

He held me close and let me come down from my high. His hand turned my face so I was looking at him. "I had no idea it could be that way."

"You okay? Or did I break you, darling?" He smirks.

"No. Maybe. I don't care. That was amazing." He laughs at that declaration and kisses my nose. His large body blankets my own and I can feel his erection pressing against my thigh. A flurry of sexual energy rushes through my lower stomach.

"You look tired, darling." He murmurs against my cheek and for a moment I realize how tired I really am but I'm also to amped up to sleep with all of this energy buzzing throughout my body.

"Im not that tired." I declare, kissing him running my hand down his chest. I find his belt buckle and fumble with it for a few seconds before he lies on his back to give me better access.

Keeping one hand on his jeans button I kiss up his chest. His chest is chiseled and hard. I lick around his nipple letting my hand slide down over his erection. A small hiss escapes from his mouth as his body jerks slightly at the touch. Fearing I did something wrong I pull my hand away. Jax catches it with his hand and shakes his head, "You're fine. I'm sorry. It's okay." He reassures me.

"Am I doing this right?" I whisper feeling like an idiot for not knowing what to really do. I want to grant him that release that he's already given me multiple times.

"You're fucking perfect." He replies. Trying a new approach I kiss his lips, he parts his mouth granting me access and our tongues move in languid strokes. I feel his hand on my bare back slowly moving up and down my spine.

As we continue to kiss Jax takes my hand and guides it down his chest onto himself. He took a second to unbutton his jeans and then slid my hand down. He was so hard and turned on right now. The fact that I had this effect on him was very empowering. I bit his lip taking it between my teeth as I stroked him gently over his boxers. A groan escaped from somewhere deep in side his chest as we continued to kiss.

A loud knocking sound echoed down the hallway into his bedroom startling me. "Did you hear that?" I mumbled between each long slow kiss.

"I didn't hear anything." He whispered back breathlessly. Jax ran his fingers through the back of my hair pulling me closer towards his face as my hand continued to explore below the belt.

Another knock and thus echoed down the hallway.

I pulled back slightly causing his to nip at my neck. "I think someone's at your front door."

"Screw it. They'll go away."

His body was tense and on fire.

"Jax open this damn door!" We both heard someone yell followed by another knock. Jax pulled back to catch his breath and shook his head.

"Jax I know you're home! Bikes in the driveway." The voice sounded off again. It was clearly a woman's voice too.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." Jax through his head back onto the bed as I moved back off of him slightly. He kissed my forehead and climbed off the bed to peek out the window.

Feeling over exposed I covered myself up with a throw blanket. "Son of a bitch." He groaned.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"My mother." He groaned zipping his jeans back up and buttoning them.

"Your mom, as in Gemma?" I freaked out.

"The one and only." He mumbled heading towards the hall. He stopped though and returned to the bed and leaned down and kissed me. "Don't put your clothes back on. I'll get rid of her." He grinned as another knock came. "I can't believe I'm getting cock blocked by my fucking mother." He complained as he shut the door to his bedroom.

I laughed letting my head fall back onto the bed. I heard the front door open and Gemma's shrill voice fill the hall. It felt weird lying naked in Jax's bed with her not ten feet away. Gemma was a sure fire way to kill the mood. I got up and slowly put my bra and panties and dress back on to my myself feel more comfortable.

I went to the bedroom door and hesitated opening it. She's going to know what we were doing. I decided to go into the bathroom and clean myself up a bit. I stared at my flushed face in the mirror and couldn't help but smile like an idiot at what we'd just done. After about five minutes I exited the bathroom and decide to just squeeze out of his bedroom into the hallway an pray she doesn't see me.

Jax was standing shirtless by the door; a large rectangular box now leaning against the hall wall. It was a crib so it seemed.

"The one the junkie bought was recalled, so I went ahead and picked up a new one for you. I know how busy you are, baby." Gemma spoke her eyes landing on me briefly.

"I appreciate it mom, but it coulda waited until tomorrow." Jax said clearly annoyed and pissed we'd been disturbed. I crept down the hall until I was standing next to him.

"I tried calling, but I guess you've been distracted." Gemma glanced at me and took in my appearance then she looked in the kitchen to see the counter wrecked and the table still set. "Clays been trying to get ahold of you. He needs you at the club. I told him I'd tell you when I dropped the crib off."

"Alright, I'll check my messages and head over shortly." Jax told her while she continued to eye me up and down.

"Gemma," I acknowledged her with a sheepish smile.

"Alright then, I'll be on my way. Oh and sweetheart, your dress is on inside out." She said before walking out the front door. I immediately looked down at myself and sure enough the damn thing was on inside out.

"Oh my god." I muttered embarrassment settling in. Jax laughed and pulled me into his arms. I buried my face again his chest and we both laughed leaning into the wall.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked his messages as I stared down at my stupid dress.

"I'm sorry, but I got to head back to the clubhouse for a bit." He gave me an apologetic look and held me in front of him. I sighed knowing our time together was over for tonight. I didn't want him to leave not after everything we'd done. But I knew he had to go.

"It's okay, I'll just clean the kitchen up and head out." I told him walking into the kitchen. He followed after me and went into the little laundry room off the end of the kitchen and pulled a shirt out of the basket sitting on the washer.

"Hey, I won't be gone for long. Why don't you stay with me tonight." He offered closing the space between us. Now that we were back in the light of the kitchen I was nervous to be in front of him again. He cupped my chin and tilted my face up so I was looking at him. "Don't get shy on me now."

"I suppose I could stay if you really want me to." I said with a smile.

"I want nothing more than that."

With a quick kiss that turned into a long deep kiss he was gone and out the door. The sound of his bike echoing as it went down the street.

My mind was all over the place as I cleaned up the kitchen. Once that was done I decided to put one of Jax's t-shirts on to sleep in. I lied down on the couch in the living room and turned the tv on drifting off to sleep not long after.

I never heard Jax come back or him carrying me to bed when he did.

 **A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter! More coming soon I promise! Follow Rowan on Instagram at: for cute pics of her and of course our favorite Sons!**

 **Thank you for never giving up on me and this story! Ya'll mean so much to me!**


	28. Chapter 28: Wilted Roses

**A/N: More updates coming soon! This is a smaller filler chapter that I may go back and edit later on... Would you guys like to see Rowan go with Jax to Navada or have her spend some "bonding" time with Gemma? Let me know in the comments! Thank youuuuus!**

 **Follow Rowan on Instagram here: collins_rowan (if it shows up!)**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Letting out a tiny yawn I opened my eyes to see Jax lying in front of me, with a smirk on his face. His blue eyes gazing into my own. I couldn't help but give him a shy smile back in return. Our feet were tangled together under the blankets. "Were you watching me sleep?" I mumbled into my pillow, grazing my foot up his calf a little.

"So what if I was." He reached over and gently tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, letting his finger linger on my cheek.

Flashes from last night replay in my mind. Him. Us. Together. "That's creepy." I lied, a sleepy grin plastered across my face. He chuckled and grinned letting his fingers trace over my cheekbone.

I bit my lip remembering what those fingers are capable of doing. A warm rush of heat pools between my thighs. I reach over and touch his cheek and watch his features instantly relax. He closes his eyes and licks his lip as if he's remembering last night too. My fingers brush over his stubble; the stubble that's left a temporary burn on my neck and between my thighs.

It felt so natural to lie here with him in his bed tangled up in each other.

Jax opened his eyes and leans in for a kiss; gently grazing his lips against my own. Oh god, I hope my breath isn't completely terrible. Ugh. I should have woke up before him and brushed my teeth. If my breath is horrendous it doesn't seem to bother him as he takes my mouth with his own. My heart flutters as his hand roams down to my arm under the covers and finds my bare thigh; clutching the skin and pulling me closer towards him.

We pulled apart slightly and I laughed like a high school girl and covered my face with my hands, memories of last night flooding my mind.

"Hey, don't get shy on me now." Jax said, prying my hands away from my face. I smiled at him as he kissed away all of my nervous energy.

"I never heard you come in last night." I whispered, our foreheads pressed together.

"Yeah, I figured you'd be crashing for the night and didn't wanna wake you. I tried to be quiet. I saw you on the sofa and wanted you in bed with me." He rolled onto his back pulling me up onto his bare chest. I rested my chin on his chest and looked up at him. He let his hand run up my back, stopping to play with my hair.

I snuggled myself up against his side and rested my head on his chest. His steady heartbeat singing in my ear. "Was everything okay at the club?" I asked, tracing my fingers over the tattoo on his chest.

"Yeah, just some bullshit with Clay. It's all good for now." I nodded my head. My mothers words echoed in the back of my mind. I can't believe she asked Jax to look after me. One part of me is embarrassed she asked him to do something like that and the other part is happy.

"I heard what my mom asked you at the hospital the other day… She's just worried about me, she shouldn't have asked you to look after me like that. I'm sorry." I offered him an out. We're still getting to know each other. I don't want him to have to bare that kind of pressure. He already seems like he's got the weight of the world on his shoulders with the club and Abel.

"Don't be sorry. I meant what I told your mother. Whatever happens between us, Ro I'll always be there when you need someone. Nothing will change that, darling." Jax said as I looked up at him; his eyes were so sincere and his gaze was so strong I believed him with every fiber of my being.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"I know it's been you and your mom all your life, but you've got an entire family at SAMCRO that will always have your back. As a members kid your family." Jax explained. I nodded my head liking that aspect of the club. Bobby, Tig, Half Sac and the guys were all nice and maybe down the line somewhere I could see them becoming like family, if I choose to be apart of this world…

"I hate to do it, but I gotta get a shower. Working overtime in the shop this afternoon." Jax told me as I playfully through my body over his keeping him in bed with me.

"Nope, not happening." I laughed into his shoulder.

Jax chuckled and started to tickle my sides causing me to roll off of him. He continued to tickle my to cage as he pinned me to the bed beneath him. He quieted my uncontrollable laughter and squeals with a kiss on the lips then climbed over me and out of bed.

I lied there out of breath from laughing and took in him standing there in nothing but his boxers. It was a view I could definitely get used too. He pulled some clothes out of his dresser and turned around to catch me gawking at him.

"You like something you see?" He teased, as I averted my eyes from his very distracting chest. I rolled my eyes and sat up in the bed making a face at him.

"Put a shirt on! You're to damn distracting and sexy without one!" I instructed trying to keep a straight face while I tossed his shirt from last night at him. He laughed and through it back at me before leaning down and kissing me. God, I could get used to his laugh. I think it's the best sound I've ever heard in my life.

"Why don't you let me distract you some more and join me in the shower." He whispered in my ear with a smirk. Our eyes met and I felt him taking my hand and pulling me to my feet. For the first time in a long time I didn't second guess myself and found myself following him into the bathroom without any hesitation.

-SOA-

Taking a shower with Jax Teller is one way to wake up in the morning, that's for sure. I think we made out more than anything. I knew he wanted more than that but he didn't push. His rough calloused hands roamed over every inch of my exposed body and it was all I could do to keep from falling apart.

"You ready to go?" Jax said, wrapping an arm around my waist as we walked to the door. I nodded my head and finished pulling my hair up into a messy bun.

Jax had to get to work and I had to go check on my mom and then work in the office with Gemma. Fun times for me ahead. "Yeah, oh, before I forget and completely blank here's your key back." I pulled the key out of my jeans pocket following Jax out the front door.

He took the key in his hand and stared at it contemplating something. "Why don't you just hang on to it." He slipped it back into my back pocket with a smirk tugging on his lips.

"Are you sure?" I asked hesitantly following him down the front steps.

"I wouldn't have given it to you if I wasn't sure. Just hang on to it in case you ever need to drop by and I'm not around." I nodded and fought back a smile. I noticed something sitting on the hood of my car as we approached it.

Three wilted yellow roses were tucked under the windshield wipers. A sickening feeling drifted into my stomach as I glanced at the flowers and Jax. "Did you put those there?" I asked, arching my eyebrows at him.

"That ain't my style, darling. You got some secret admirer I don't know about. They weren't there when I came home last night that I can remember." He picked up the rose and held them in front of me.

"Not that I'm aware of…" My voice drifted as I took the roses from him. Jax must have sensed the uncertainty in my voice because he placed his hands on my waist and pulled me closer.

"There something you wanna tell me?" He cupped my chin gently in his hand.

Yellow roses…

Why yellow roses?

I glanced up and down the street having that eerie feeling that we weren't alone.

"No, everything's fine. It's probably just Lena being stupid." I lied, shaking my head. Lena hadn't left these as some prank. Someone else had and I think I know who… Jax seemed to buy what I was selling because he kissed me and opened the car door for me.

"And they said chivalry was dead." I teased getting in and tossing the flowers into the passenger seat.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm a real Prince of charming." He said making a lame attempt at a joke. I laughed as he knelt down to give me another kiss. It was like we couldn't get enough. I could never get enough of his lips on mine. Ever. Simple as that.

"Ill see ya in a bit then." He winked at me and with that he closed the door.

I waited for Jax to back his bike out of the driveway before doing the same. I followed him down his street all the while eyeing the roses sitting in the seat beside me. Jax made the turn to head towards the garage and I kept going straight to head to the hospital. I rolled down my window and tossed the roses out not wanting to have them anywhere near me.

If Jerry is the one that left the roses it means he was at Jax's last night. Was he watching me? What did he see if he was? Did he follow me there with Lena earlier in the day? My stomach churned as I checked the rear view mirror hesitantly. There was a white Ford F-150 and a few other cars behind that. I made a few unnecessary turns that would still lead me to St Thomas; my nervous working into overdrive…

I came to a red light and stopped, waiting for the light to turn green. I looked down at the radio to change the station for a brief second. A car horn behind me snapping me back into action. I glanced up and into the rear view mirror to see him in his shitty car behind me.

Jerry grinned wickedly at me as I sat paralyzed with my hands on the wheel… A few other cars began to honk their horns so I took off away from the light. What the hell is wrong with this asshole?


	29. Chapter 29: Bullet

**Chapter 29**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Jerry followed me through the light, practically rear ending my car when I decided to make the turn into the Seven-Eleven gas station. I pulled into one of the parking spaces and watched Jerry pull up behind me, blocking my car in it's space. I was thankful there was a good amount of people flowing in and out of the gas station. Witnesses. He'd be stupid to try and pull something in front of all these people. He sat parked behind me with his car idling; waiting for me to get out of the car. I gripped the steering wheel so hard the bones in my knuckles started to protrude through my skin.

Taking a deep breath I got out of the car and marched over to his window and knocked on it. This needed to end, right here and right now. Jerry got out of the car causing me to take a few hesitant steps back away from him. A part of me wishes I would've just told Jax about him this morning when he asked what was wrong. But, instead of telling him the truth I lied, because I didn't want him to overreact; because I'm stubborn and won't admit when I'm in over my head. I didn't want him to have to handle my problems and I knew that he would take it upon himself to put Jerry in his place. Not that that would be a bad thing.

"Listen asshole, I don't know what game you're playing but it ends now! Stay the hell away from me!" I said sternly, holding in a deep breath. I could handle this. I could handle some creepy douchebag. I did it all the time at the diner. This was no different.

Except, it was different. It felt different. I felt… scared.

Jerry wasn't some creep that copped a feel at the diner after one too many at the Black Dog. He was much worse, much more calculating and manipulative than I'd wanted to give him credit for. If I didn't think he could break me in half I punch the smug look right off his face.

One thing I got from my mom was her temper and her will to never back down; sometimes that was good other times not so much… Like now for instance. I opened and closed my hands at my sides fighting the urge to follow my instincts and pummel this asshat.

"Darling; I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about. However you seem upset and I don't really think you should be driving." Jerry said, as this look that could have been perceived as caring etched onto his face. Yet the tone his voice carried gave me another idea towards any motives he may have had looming in his mind.

He made the word darling make my skin crawl. When Jax said it it made my insides turn to mush. If that's even possible. I scoffed and shook my head at his ridiculousness.

He reached over and squeezed my arm, before he had began to slowly and gently rub it, "Don't touch me!" I swatted his arm away, moving backwards again, wishing Jax was here.

People watched our tiny exchange as they walked in and out of the convenient store, but said nothing about our confrontation.

"Don't play stupid! You know exactly what I'm talking about! The phone calls, the flowers on my car! You've been following me! Just stop!" I demanded, sternly staring him directly in the eye. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he scared me. If I gave him that, he won and I'm not backing down. I'm not giving in.

His lips pulled into a smarmy grin as he shook his head. He pushed back some hair on his head before slowly licking his lip staring over my body lightly wiping the corner of his mouth as if he had been drooling.

"You've gotten the wrong impression here…" He said rifting off as he gave my body another once over. I wanted to bleach my skin. "Sweetheart." He called me his tone filled with this sickly venom, pushing all the hair up on my body as I got a chill rolling down my spine. "The phone calls were all referring to the money you owed me for the rent, and the flowers were a kind gesture since you're going through a rough time." He explained, as if that made up for everything. There's nothing nice behind anything he's done. His motives have been crystal clear… This guy just can't take a hint.

"Then why are you following me right now?" I demanded, gesturing towards his car. Point and case right here.

Jerry sighed and smiled stepping towards me causing my heart rate to increase. I crossed my arms over my chest and glared up at his stupid face.

"I just wanted to let you know your taillight is busted." He pointed towards the back of my Mustang innocently, causing me to warily take my eyes off of him and look at the back of my car.

To my surprise the left back tail light had been busted in. Gee, I wonder how on earth that happened… I clenched my fists at my sides and let out a breath. No one destroys my car, but me!

"Stay away from me or I swear to god!" I spat through clenched teeth.

"You'll what?" Jerry challenged, stepping towards me yet again. "Send your outlaw boyfriend and his cronies after me? Go ahead, it'll make my job a hell of a lot easier."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh you'll find out soon enough sweetheart," he smirked reaching over and tucking a piece of hair behind my ear before I could push his hand away. "If I were you, I'd distance myself from the likes of Jax Teller and SAMCRO.. Men like him are seven kinds of crazy…and you're liable to get caught in the cross fires. Give my best to your mother."

"Stay the hell away from me and my mother!" I spat, keeping my eyes locked on his cold dead ones as I cautiously walked back to my car. I got back in my car, locking the doors immediately and watched Jerry through the rear view mirror as he got back in his car and left.

I hadn't realized my hands were shaking until I placed them on the steering wheel…

 **SOA**

I sat with my knees tucked up under my chin in the chair beside my moms hospital bed, chewing the inside of my lip; only stopping when the metallic taste of blood filled my mouth. This whole thing with Jerry has my nerves fried on top of everything else that's been going on these past few weeks; plus my mom being sick. I glanced over at her shrinking form and watched her as she lied there gazing at the TV. Fried Green Tomatoes was playing, our favorite movie.

I can't tell her about this issue with Jerry, can I? It would only make her worry more than she needs to and put more stress on her already weakening system. Hopefully I put Jerry in his place this morning and this whole weird obsession thing is over…

Deep down I knew this was only the beginning.

"How are things going with Deacon?" Mom asked, catching me picking at the white threads in the rip on my grey skinny jeans. She made a face as I hesitantly stopped, smirking..

"They aren't. The last time we spoke I sort of, well, went off on him and we haven't exactly gotten around to clearing the air…" I gave her a half smile, trying to hide my own embarrassment. I have a right to be angry and confused about Deacon. If anyone should understand that it's my mother, I mean she did this to me.

"Rowan, sweetheart. What happened?" She asked, giving me one of her sympathetic looks.

"Nothing really happened. I just got pissed off because he was acting like he's this hero now and he's not. He's never done anything for us. He walked out on us for god sakes!. How am I supposed to just forget and forgive that?"

"Ro, he didn't walk out. Honey, I practically pushed him out of our lives because I thought it was the right thing to do. He was just respecting what I wanted for you. If you want to be angry with anyone you should be angry with me."

"I don't want to be angry with anyone." I just wanted things to go back to normal. I wanted my mom happy and healthy. I wanted my old life back, my pre-cancer life.

"I'm sorry, sweetie." She gave me a weak smile and reached out her hand for mine. I took it in my own and gave her a smile back in return. "It is what it is. I'll fix it, maybe, someday…" I rolled my eyes with a smirk.

"How are things with the Teller boy? Lena seems to think you two make quite the pair or so she tells me." She questioned, studying my face. I felt my cheeks flush with heat at the mention of Jax.

"Remind me to put a gag on her?" I laughed, standing up and pacing back and forth in front of her bed like a antsy house cat. "Things are okay with Jax, I 're just hanging out, friends." I said nonchalantly.

"Just friends, huh? I don't think so." Mom laughed. I looked at her incredulously shaking my head.

"What do you mean?"

"That boy doesn't look at you as just a friend and you certainly wouldn't be blushing like you are if you were just hanging out as friends."

I scoffed and sat down on the edge of her bed. "Well I hate to crush your little theory there but we are just friends. So ha!" I pointed at her. "It would never work between us anyway."

"Why's that?" She asked, looking at me with tired kind eyes.

"You've seen him! He's gorgeous and he knows it. He could get any girl to follow him to the ends of the earth." I said trying to hide the pain in my voice. Picturing Jax with someone else made my stomach churn.

"Ro, honey. You're not just 'any' girl. You're you and you're perfect. I bet you are nothing like any of the girl's he's ever been with. In fact," she stated confidently, "I can guarantee it!"

I tried not to scoff because she truly believed what she was saying.

Jax was like a Rubix Cube, there were so many different sides to him and his world that I have yet to figure out. I wanted to though, I just didn't know for sure if he wanted the same. Jax is the first guy I've ever let break through the castle I've built around myself. He stormed the castle and crashed through the bricks with ease, and now I have to let him all the way in or let him go.

"Ro, sweetie it's alright to open yourself up to someone once and a while. You never know what it might give you. I did, and I got you." My mother said; almost as if she'd read my mind. She was so weird like that. When I was younger I swore she really did have eyes in the back of her head, because she knew whatever dumb scheme Lena and I had concocted to try and pull off before we even did.

"It's complicated. He has and ex wife and an ex girlfriend circling. I'm not really into polygamy."

"Hmm I heard the key words ex in there." Mom pointed out. I sighed and rested my head on her lap as she played with my curls. "I'm not like the girls he's used too, mom, you said it yourself. You know what hangs around that clubhouse, I'm not like those crow eaters, or whatever the hell they're called."

"Maybe that's why he's taken an interest in you. You say that confident cocky air he has about him scares you; did you ever think that the air of innocence you have scares him just as much? You're a challenge for him, I can tell you that much." I looked up to see her smiling down at me, so proud that I was a challenge for someone other than her.

"I'm a challenge?" I half laughed, sitting up.

"Yes, quite the challenge at that! He's been with all those other women because, well," she chose her words carefully, "they're easy. He doesn't have to try with them or make an effort, but with you, you'll make him work for it."

We stared at each other in silence for a brief moment. I never really thought about it that way before. Although, I could tell that he was thrown through a loop because I didn't drop my panties for him that very first night we spent together. I liked the fact that he had to work for it with me. Growing up I never really had time for boys. I was always more worried about school and activities. Guys never really noticed me anyway, they always went for Lena. She was more outgoing and bubbly than I was. Maybe now is my chance…

There was a knock on the door and in popped my mothers Doctor. "How are you ladies doing today?" Dr. Manning peaked her head in. "I was hoping I could talk to you both."

"Come on in," I waved my hand gesturing for her to enter the room. Dr. Manning strode in and picked up my mothers chart hanging at the foot of her bed and began checking over her vitals and marking everything down.

Dr. Manning was an older woman who'd been my mother's primary oncologist since this whole ordeal started. She was short, kinda like me, and had brunette colored hair that hung just below her shoulders.

"Your vitals a good today, Rebecca." Dr. Manning said pleased with what she was seeing.

"That's good, right?" A glint of hope swirled in my stomach, but quickly died when I noticed the frown forming on Dr. Manning's face.

"It is good, but I'm afraid your mothers condition isn't improving, in fact, it's progressing more rapidly than we anticipated. That's why I wanted to talk to you both." Dr. Manning said, pulling up a chair to sit down beside the bed.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked at my mom. "Sweetie, Dr. Manning thinks it's time that we stop treatments." Her words hit me like a punch to the stomach.

"No! No! If you stop treatments, you'll get worse." I shook my head looking at the both of them.

Dr. Manning cleared her throat and spoke up, "Rowan, your mother and I have discussed this rather extensively and as her doctor I feel stopping treatment is what's best. The cancer has spread to far, there's nothing more we can do. Right now, treatments are doing more harm than good." She said, but I barely heard the words as my mind spun out of control. I stood up and shook my head.

"No! There has to be something else! Another pill or round of chemo something!" I practically shouted. My mother coughed and wheezed as she reached her hand out for me to take. I intertwined our fingers together and fought back the tears as they stung my eyes.

"There's nothing more we can do, I'm so sorry." Dr. Manning gave me an apologetic look, "We will do our best to make sure you stay comfortable." She squeezed my mothers shoulder.

"You can't just give up!" I croaked out, looking at them both.

"I'm tired sweetie." My mother spoke. I looked down at her and knew this is what she wanted. Deep down I didn't blame her. She's been fighting this for so long, I knew she didn't have much more in her. It didn't make it hurt any less. It didn't make me feel any better.

"I'll leave you two alone to discuss this." Dr. Manning excused herself from the room.

"Mom, you can't give up! Please, you can beat this." I cried as the warm tears streamed down my cheeks. It felt like someone had wrapped their fingers around my heart and squeezed tightly. I sat down on the bed and hugged my mom and cried into her shoulder for what felt like forever. She rubbed small circles into my back like she used to do when I was sick as a kid.

 **SOA**

A car backfired as I pulled into the TM parking lot later that afternoon, causing me to jump in my seat. My eyes were puffy from crying over my mom. I felt numb and alone and scared. How could she decide to stop treatment without even talking to me first? How am I supposed to live knowing she has no chance of making it? I slammed the palms of my hands into my steering wheel until I couldn't feel them anymore. I got out of the car, slamming the door behind me. I glanced out at the road as a black sedan cruised by slowly. For a moment I thought maybe it was Jerry and froze. The next time I blinked the car was gone. Like it had never been there to begin with.

It wasn't him. It wasn't him. It wasn't him. It was someone else. I chanted making my way into the office. I sat down behind the desk and stared numbly at the pile of folders Gemma had left for me to file on the desk. Taking the folders in my hands, eager for a distraction, I opened the filing cabinet up and began filing the papers away.

The garage was pretty quiet for a change; only Lowell, one of the regular mechanics was in working on a truck. I spun in my chair and began searching the desk drawers for a stapler when I noticed some forms and come undone. I opened each drawer only to find everything but the god damn stapler. I wanted to fling the papers across the room. Filing papers seemed so stupid compared to everything else.

I sat the papers down on the desk and opened the last drawer on the bottom of the desk, only for it to stick. I got down on my knees and yanked it until it opened. Inside I found the stapler and pulled it out. As I went to close the drawer my eyes caught sight of something black and metal hidden beneath a few Manila envelopes. I lifted the envelopes to see a handgun; a .45 to be exact.

I picked it up and held it in my hands… The images of Jerry flashed in my mind like a movie being played at warped speed. For an instant I thought about borrowing the handgun for protection. I was about to put it in my bag when a voice behind him startled me causing me to drop it back into the drawer.

I whipped around to see Gemma eyeing me. "Jesus Christ, Gemma. You scared the hell out of me!"

"Scared you? Looks like you found something you like." She almost seemed to mock me, "We talked about being nosey. Didn't we darling?" She asked, arching her eyebrows at me. A crease formed on my forehead as I tried to figure out what to say.

"I wasn't. I mean I was, but I wasn't. I didn't know you kept a handgun in the drawer. I was looking for a stapler." I rambled, closing the drawer quickly and grabbing the stapler off the desk. My heart was pounding my throat as Gemma studied me. "Why do you keep a handgun in the office?"

"That's really not your concern is it, What I keep in my desk." Gemma said. She leaned against the door frame as I nodded my head. "Why are you so jumpy?" She inquired, lighting a cigarette. Although, it smelled more like a joint.

"I'm not." I turned my back towards her and continued filing papers.

"Right, that's why you practically jumped out of your skin when I walked in. Working at the wrong shop if that's how skittish you are. "

"I'm fine, really." I lied, turning around to face her. She propped her hand on her hip about to grill me some more when the rumbling of a car pulling on the lot caught her attention. We both peered out the door to see Tara getting out of a black rusted old cutlass.

"Wonder why the good doctors here." Gemma mumbled, the one thing she and I had a shared dislike towards was Tara. I watched as Jax walked out of the clubhouse with Bobby in tow. He spotted Tara and stopped to talk to her for a few minutes.

"Do me a favor when your finished here for the day, bring those file boxes by the house so I can put them in the garage for storage." Gemma instructed. She pulled her sunglasses down over her eyes and stalked off towards Jax before I could even answer her.

 **Jax's Point of View**

"Hey! Jax! How's it going?" Tara called out as I flicked my cigarette onto the asphalt. I glanced and Rowan standing in the office with my mother, but stopped to check in with Tara real quick fearing something might have happened with Abel.

I wanted to let Rowan know I'd be heading out for a few days to visit my Uncle Jury in Nevada. We got wind that there's an ATF dick in town and Clay wants the AK's put into storage until the new warehouse is up and running which won't be for a few more weeks.

"Everything okay with the kid?" I asked, not expecting to see her here for any other reason besides that or to get her car worked on.

"Oh, no he's fine! I was just bring the Cutlass in to get some work done. It was hidden under about two tons of newspaper in the garage." She laughed, giving me a warm smile. My mother, the queen of Charming gossip, had found out that Tara moved back to fix up her dads old place since he passed away a while back.

"This was your dads right?" I said, inspecting the broken down cutlass before me. I walked around it making a mental note of all the body work it needed.

"Yeah, it's in pretty sad shape." Tara frowned.

"Bring it in back. I'll have Lowell take a look at it and get you an estimate." I told her, glancing back towards the office. Bobby fired his bike up and sat idling waiting for me to leave.

We were heading into Mayan territory and Clay didn't want me riding alone.

"You know I was hoping maybe you could give me a ride home and we could talk." Tara offered, touching my arm gently. "I feel bad about the way we ended things, Jax. I want to make this right."

"We don't have anything to talk about, Tara. I'm over it. It was years ago." I started to say catching sight of my mother out of the corner of my eye. Shit.

"Oh, well- Who should I contact if something comes up with the baby?" She questioned making me instantly think something was wrong.

"He's out of the woods, right?"

"Yeah he's good. I just meant for procedural stuff."

"Just get in touch with my mom, or if you can't get ahold of her, Rowan." I nodded my head. I'd asked Rowan if I could put her down as a contact person for Abel because I needed two people on the forms. She happily agreed.

"Are you two seeing each other?" Tara flat out asked, staring at me with a hurt expression on her face. Gemma was closing in and I turned to face Tara, "Something like that."

"What do we have here?" Gemma cooed, taking off her sunglasses and grinning at Tara distastefully. I internally rolled my eyes at the sight of both of them together. My mothers dislike for Tara was no secret, but after all this time it didn't bother me anymore. I guess because I didn't have feelings for Tara anymore. Those feelings died when she left Charming.

"Tara was just dropping the cutlass off to get some work done to it. You mind giving her a ride home?" I asked, slowly backing away from the to head to the office.

"Where are you off too?" Gemma hollered.

"Nevada. Visit Uncle Jury."

"Alone?" My mother panicked, looking at me sternly. She knew Nevada was Mayan territory and that they were out for payback since our little retaliation with the warehouse.

"With Bobby. I'll be fine, ma." I kissed her on the cheek and nodded my head at Tara before turning on my heel and heading towards the office.

Rowan was putting stuff in the filing cabinets behind the desk giving me a perfect view of her ass in those grey skinny jeans. Her blonde hair was pulled up into a high pony tail exposing her neck. She turned around slightly and jumped before recovering and giving me a weak smile, "Hey," she said, but I could tell something was off.

Was she regretting what we did last night? I sure as hell wasn't. She was all I could fucking think about since last night. And then this morning in the shower… I closed my eyes briefly remembering.

"You doing okay?" I asked, walking towards her as she went back to filing papers. I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed the nape of her neck gently. "How was your mom this morning?" I mumbled against her skin, placing my lips all along her shoulder where her tank top didn't cover.

Rowan turned around to face me and I saw the heartbroken look on her face. A few tears streamed down her cheek. I took her face in my hands as she opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out but a few choked cries. "What happened, darling? Talk to me.."

"She's stopping treatment, Jax. The doctors can't do anything else for her they said." She cried; letting herself be completely vulnerable with me. Crying girls wasn't exactly something I normally dealt with so I treaded lightly.

"I'm so sorry…" I who parted, pulling into me and holding her tightly. I twisted my fingers through the back of her hair and held her while she sobbed into my t shirt and cut.

It killed me to see her this way. So broken, so confused. I wanted to take her away from it all, but I couldn't. "If I could take away your pain, Ro, I'd do it in heartbeat."

She nuzzled her head in the crook of my neck. I ran my hands down her arms as she pulled back to look at me. I kissed the stray salty tears off her cheeks. Our foreheads pressed together. "What about Cancer Treatment Centers of America?" I offered.

"Her medical insurance won't cover it, and you have to have a shit ton of money to get in there. Besides I doubt it would even do her any good." Rowan said, sniffling and wiping her cheeks. I hated this. I hated that I couldn't fix this for her.

"I'm sorry," she pulled back shaking her head and wiping her cheeks off, starting to close herself off from me. "It's just been a really bad day."

"Don't apologize, ever." I said, pulling her back towards me by the hands; my thumb rubbing small circles over her hand. I liked how she showed me her emotions. They were what made her who she is. I wanted to see her from rage-ecstasy and the full gamut between.

"What happened to your taillight? I saw it was busted." I asked, watching her play with the buttons on my cut. She made a face and shook her head searching for her words.

"I backed into a pole coming out of St Thomas. It wasn't a big deal." She said it more like a question which made me wonder if she was telling the truth. Then again why would she lie to me?

"Remind me not to let you drive my truck." I smirked. A hint of a smile danced across her face making my heart stop for that split second. "I'll put a new taillight in when I get back, okay?"

"Get back from where?"

I guided her hips so she was leaning against the desk and stood in front of her. She looked up at me with a weak smile as I leaned down and kissed her tenderly on the lips. "Listen, I gotta head out of town for a few days on club business. But I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Where are you going?" She asked, looking up at me playing with the hem of my white t shirt. God, if I didn't have to leave right now…

"Nevada. I gotta visit my Uncle Jury and deal with some shit. I wish I could take you with me and away from all this…shit." I sighed, brushing some loose strands of hair behind her ear.

"I wish you could too." She breathed, looking up at me with those beautiful eyes of hers. She was so innocent and unscarred by the world that I hated to see her moms death be the first thing that scarred her. "Please be careful."

"I'm always careful." I assured her with a wink. She rolled her eyes and half laughed half scoffed at me, clearly not believing me. "Yeah, maybe if you were wrapped in bubble wrap."

"I'll be careful." I whispered against her lips before kissing her completely. Her mouth fit against mine perfectly, like it was made specifically for my own lips. Our eyes locked and I knew I couldn't just leave it at one kiss. I needed more than that to make it through the these next few days without her.

I let myself get lost for a moment with her and took what I wanted; grazing my tongue over her lip. She instantly obliged letting me take what I needed, what I craved. Her small hands cradled my neck sending shivers down my spine and all the blood rushing to my dick. I pulled her to her feet in front of me, pressing my hard on against her. "Jax," she whispered, as I slipped my hands underneath of her flowing black tank top; her skin was warm and smooth beneath my calloused hands. I couldn't help but think what would have happened had my own fucking mother not cock blocked me last night. I had a taste of her and knew nothing would compare or ever come close.

"Jax," she whispered pulling back to look at me with a tiny grin on her face.

"I know I know, too fast." I cradled her face in my hands and felt her place her hands over my own. She closed her eyes and tried to catch her breath then looked directly at me. It felt like she could see straight through me. All the bluster and bullshit I gave everyone else didn't phase her, she was seeing me and I was seeing her.

"I saw Tara outside, is everything okay with Abel?" She asked, sincerely concerned for my son. She cared so much for a kid that wasn't even her own.

"Tara was just dropping off her dads old car to get some work done to it. Lowell can take care of it." I explained. I hated to do it but I had to get going or Bobby was going to have my balls in a vice for taking so long.

I leaned forward and kissed her again, "Damn, you make it really hard for a guy to have to walk away." Her cheeks blushed only making her look that much more appealing. I loved the way I could make her body react to my every touch. She looked like she wanted to ask me to stay, but instead let go of my cut.

"I want you to have something," I said letting go over her. I pulled the old bullet necklace off and held it out in front of her. "It was my dads. First shot he took in Nom. Old bastard kept the bullet." I chuckled, wanting her to hold onto it.

"Jax, I can't take that. It's your dads. I'd feel terrible if it got lost." She refused, pushing my hands back towards me.

"Shut up, and turn around," I instructed with a sigh, she reluctantly turned around so I could put it on her. "In order to lose it id have to lose you first."

She turned back around to face me and I smiled at the sight of my necklace hanging from her neck. She held the bullet in-between her fingers and gazed up at me. "Now you'll have a little bit of me with you while I'm gone. And these old fuckers around here will know you're taken."

"I gotta go," I kissed her on the forehead quickly before she could say another word and backed away towards the door. "Check in on the kid for me."

"You know I will." She said, with a tiny grin, "Jax, I have to tell you something…" She said quickly, then shook her head like she'd done something wrong.

"What is it?" She thought it over and seemed torn on whether to tell me or not.

"Nothing, never mind." She waved it off dismissively. "It can wait."

"I'll call you." I promised and with that I was out the door and heading towards my bike.

 **A/N: This chapter got super freaking long haha. I hope you all enjoyed seeing Jax and Rowan progress in this chapter! Your beautiful comments/reviews make my day and I can't thank you enough!**

 **QUESTIONS: I NEED YOUR HELP! PLEASE READ!**

 **1\. Would you like to see Jax and Rowan sorta go on a date? A Jax Teller worthy date now mind you! If so, throw me some of your ideas. I've never been on a date, so my ideas all seem kinda dumb haha**

 **2\. Obviously you can kinda guess where the whole Jerry Kohn storyline is gonna go (dun dun dun) but I was wondering for future reference what your all opinions are on Rowan possibly getting attacked with Gemma in the season two opener? Not sexually, because I don't have the heart to do that, but hurt badly? Yay nay?**

 **3\. OHHH big question here! Would you like the next chapter to be in Jax's POV partially to showcase what happens in Nevada?**

 **4\. Does anyone know how to make fan edits for YouTube? Id love to get one put together for this story, but I'm technologically challenged here so help me out! Lol**

 **Let me know in the reviews guys! Leave a review if Christmas is still on the 25th this year! ;)**

 **Follow Rowan on Insta: collins_rowan I made a few edits that are utterly terrible but you might like them!**


	30. Chapter 30: SOA VIDEO

**A/N: Hey guys! I just wanted to let you know that i finally figured out how to create a video for this story! It's a really rough draft, like REALLY rough, but if you wanna check it out the link is in my bio! It has a huge watermark on it which makes it that much worse but you can see the video still! I'm gonna keep working on it, but again if anyone can help a sista out with this i am all ears lol.**

 **LINK TO VIDEO IN MY BIO!**

 **Working on new chapter tonight! :) Hopefully I'll have it up sometime tonight if not tomorrow! I'm visiting family on Sunday so I doubt I'll have time to post then. THANK YOU for answering all my questions in the previous chapter, it was so helpful! I've got a really good "date" planned out for Jax and Rowan when he gets back from Nevada! Wonder what our outlaw will do in Nevada? (dun dun dun) that was so corny lol. I'm hoping to give you guys some lighter chapters coming up to build Jax and Ro up before shit gets real, because well it's GONNA GET REAL! hint hint!**

 **Love you all to the moon and back! Check out Ro on Insta if you haven't already at: collins_rowan for cute pics/edits**

 **I'm open to any and all suggestion for this story so don't be shy! Thank you to those who have given me input and feedback already!**


	31. Chapter 31: Mammas Got A Gun

**Chapter 30**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

There was still a trace of Jax's lips on my own, every once in a while if catch myself inadvertently reaching up to touch my lip remembering his lips being on my own. It had been about two hours since he left to head to Nevada on club business. I tried not to worry to much about what that 'business' could possibly entail and focused on everything Gemma had me doing in the office; answering phones, filing paperwork, checking cars in and out, facilitating phone calls with Snap On and Summit Racing for car parts. I'd just hung up the phone with a costumer when the phone rang again. I now have a newfound respect for what Gemma does around here.

"Teller-Morrow Automotive. How can I help you?" I said trying to keep my voice cheerful despite feeling like my world was imploding; holding the phone between my cheek and shoulder while I rifled through the mess of papers on the desk searching for a set of keys Juice had left so I could hang them on the wall with the other customer's keys.

"Hello?" No one had answered me when I picked up the phone. "Is anyone there?" I could hear rustling on the other end and someone breathing heavily, but no one responded. A chill ran down my neck and arms and back as the heavy breathing continued. "Hello?" The large pit in my stomach grew ten sizes when I realized who might be on the other end.

I hung up quickly without thinking, slamming the phone down onto the receiver. I glanced out the window hesitantly, wondering if Jerry was sitting on the street watching me getting off on this. I peeked through the blinds looking out into the parking lot and saw nothing out of the ordinary; traffic buzzed by on Main Street. Customers were pulling on and off the lot. No Jerry, thank god. I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding and spun on my heel to face the desk. I shook my head briskly.

You need to get a grip Rowan. It was probably just someone with a wrong number. You're being paranoid... I wrapped my fingers around the necklace Jax had given me, suddenly wanting to be close to him.

Standing behind the desk I could see Half Sac, Tig and Deacon moving a few oil barrels around in the garage while Clay was walking around animatedly talking to someone on his cell phone. For an instant I thought about telling Deacon about Jerry. My eyes fell to the desk drawer that held the .45 momentarily. The phone ringing again snapped me out of my haze of confusion. I answered it to find Lowell; one of Clay's mechanics on the other end. He wanted me to ask Clay if he could bring in his son Moby with him for the day since no one was available to watch him. I put him on hold and then headed out into the garage.

"Well, this forces our hand. Can't risk bringing those AKs in with the Mayans onto our visit... Oh, no, I'm talking about a permanent presence. It'll be months before the warehouse is up and running. Indian Hills could be really useful." Clay grumbled into his cell as I stepped out into the garage. Out of all the men that hung around the club and the garage Clay was the least approachable and I'm not just saying that because the asshole put a gun on me either. I haven't forgotten about that and he hasn't apologized for it; not that I expected an apology.

"They're earning outlaw-sized money. It's just a matter of time before the Mayans push 'em out. They need us for their own protection." Clay went on, continuing to pace back and forth.

Deacon spotted me and gave me a small head nod then he went back to overseeing Juice and Half Sac moving another barrel of whatever. I guess I needed to tell him about mom stopping treatments. He had a right to know, I suppose. "It's good for both clubs. Now if you don't want to break it to him, I'll tell him myself at church." Clay snapped his phone shut harshly.

"We're riding to Indian Hills, mandatory. We're patching over The Devils Tribe" Clay announced before I could snag his attention. Tig, Deacon, Juice and Half Sac approached Clay with a look of disbelief on their faces. Patch over? The Devils Tribe? I needed a dictionary to keep up with half the shit I overheard around here. Between club lingo and mechanical terms it was like everyone else was speaking a foreign language. And I can speak a foreign language!

"Are you serious?" Tig asked, shaking his head.

"Do I look serious?" Clay replied. I wanted to butt in and say 'yes you do look serious, a little too serious,' but kept my mouth shut and walked forward a little more.

"Clay you sure going into Mayan Territory is the best thing right now? We're gonna get some kind of retaliation for the warehouse bullshit. I'm not sure we can take the hit right now." Deacon said, leaning into Clay's ear.

"He's right," Tig said gesturing towards Deacon, "We're down a few guys. I mean, Chibs, he's up North with McKeavy." Clay placed his hands on his hips and lowered his head, mulling things over. "We got anyone up visiting?"

"Happy's down from Tacoma; doing an Autism Run. He's got Lorca, Bully, Donut, - couple prospects with him." Juice informed him running a hand over the center of his Mohawk. Is it wrong that I really want a donut now that he said that?

I tapped Clay on the shoulder lightly. "Clay, can I talk to you for a second. Lowell's on the phone." I said, point my thumb over my shoulder back into the office. He held up his finger signaling for me to wait a moment, so I did.

"Get em." He told Juice. Juice nodded his head and gave me a small smile before heading towards the clubhouse.

"Okay, well Jury's got all that beautiful pussy, man. It's gonna be a four-shot patch-over party." Tig grinned ear to ear, smacking Deacon on the shoulder clearly excited at the opportunity of getting laid. Deacon chuckled in return and glanced over at me a little uncomfortable before looking away.

The thought of my...dad in bed with a woman flashed in my mind. I fought back the bile in my throat and wanted to bleach my eyeballs for even putting an image like that in my mind.

"Unfortunately, you're driving the precious cargo." Clay slapped him on the shoulder. Tig's grin fell immediately his hopes and dreams of being screwed erupting into flames. "No. No. Christ! You need me!" He pleaded with Clay mercifully.

"Last time you had free range on pussy, you throat-pumped two brownies, your DNA almost brought us down. Besides, you're the only one I can trust to handle this." Clay stated sternly. Tig looked like a little kid who couldn't get his way. He rolled his eyes and stormed off out of the garage towards the clubhouse.

Clay turned towards me. "What do you need, kid?"

"Oh, Lowell's on the phone. He wants to know if it's alright with you if he brings Moby into work with him. Something about no one being able to watch him." I explained, looking up at Clay. He was as tall as my dad but his hair was a lot grayer than his.

"You tell him its fine by me," He said, I nodded my head and turned to head back into the office. "Hey, kid?" Clay called over my shoulder; I stopped and twirled on my heel to face him once again. "You're doing a good job around here." He looked me dead in the eye and if I wasn't mistaken I could have sworn I saw a small smile playing on his lips, but I could have been hallucinating.

"Thanks," I nodded my head and went back into the office. I think that was about as much of an apology as I was going to get from a man like Clay Morrow. I told Lowell what Clay said and hung up the phone.

"He's not lying," Deacons voice filled the room as he stood in the doorway. "You are doing a good job around here. You've learned the ropes pretty quickly. I'm proud of how well you've handled hanging around here." I gave him a weak smile and continued to sift through some papers on the desk in front of me so I didn't have to look him in the eye. If I looked him in the eye I'd have to tell him about mom and I wasn't ready to break down again just yet.

"So, patch over?" I asked, glancing at him. He leaned in the doorway crossing his arms over his chest. "What does that mean?"

"Just means we're partnering up with another club for a while." He explained simply.

"Sounds like there's a party that goes with it?" I asked, turning my back towards him to face the filing cabinets. He cleared his throat and laughed slightly before answering me. "A celebration of some kind usually takes place when a patch over happens. It strengthens the brotherhood."

"So you mean you all get wasted together and bond over having the same hangover the next day." I turned around and smirked at him. He nodded his head, "Pretty much."

We both stood in awkward silence for a moment avoiding looking at one another.

"Listen," We both said at the same time which in return caused us to laugh. I think this would always be awkward. I didn't want it to be but I hoped that the awkwardness would dissipate the more we got to know each other.

"You first," he offered with a lopsided grin.

"It's about my mom…she...she's decided to stop treatments." I started to say feeling that sickening feeling building in my stomach. "I just thought you should know, in case you wanted to go see her again or something."

Deacon sighed as he rubbed his hand down the side of his face. "I know, your mom called and told me." I should have known she would have called him already. I nodded my head and crossed my arms over my chest hugging myself.

"How you doing with it all?" He asked, giving me a gentle look as he moved to stand in front of me. My eyes stayed locked on his black biker boots for what felt like an eternity and then I looked up and met his eyes.

There were little crinkles that formed around the corners of his eyes which showed his age a little.

"About as good as can be expected when it comes to something like this… Honestly, one minute I wanna puke and the next I wanna just die with her because it's too hard." I admitted without thinking. The words fell out of my mouth like actual vomit.

Deacon touched my elbow and gave it a light squeeze. A gesture to comfort me. Something told me feelings weren't his specialty from the strained look on his face. "You'll get through it…We'll get through it." He let go of my arm and I tucked some hair behind my ear.

"Nice necklace," he pointed towards the bullet on a chain I was clutching for dear life. "Jax?"

"Yeah, he gave it me." I smiled, thinking of Jax. I took a few deep breaths to calm my nerves and fend off the tears threatening to spill out.

I was waiting for Deacon to make a comment about Jax, but he remained quiet. "You didn't have to hit him you know?" I blurted out, giving him a pointed look.

"That's every fathers right of passage isn't it?" He grinned. I wanted to be pissed at him for interfering with me and Jax, but decided to try and let it go. "Look, you and Jax is just that, you and Jax. I won't butt in unless I have too."

"I think I can agree to those terms." I said, smirking.

A few bikes were heard firing up outside catching Deacons attention. "I gotta hit the road, but you need anything you ask Piney. The old geezer with the oxygen tank. He'll take care of you, kid."

"I will. Tell Jax I said hi." I smirked knowing he wouldn't. He rolled his eyes before turning and walking out the door.

 **SOA**

I was physically and emotionally drained and just wanted to go see my mom, but I had to drop off boxes at Gemma's before I could. I pulled in the driveway and shut of the engine to my Mustang. I hopped out and popped the trunk. I struggled carrying two boxes to the front door and propped them on my knee so I could ring the door bell.

After about five minutes the door swung open startling me. I'd been on edge ever since I left the garage. I took a thousand unnecessary turns coming over here just to make sure no one was following me.

"Look who finally decided to show up!" Gemma greeted me sarcastically.

"Oh, look who decided to answer the door. Take one of these, they are heavy as hell." I said, pushing the top box towards her. Gemma rolled her eyes and lifted the box off and removing about twenty pounds of weight with it. My arms silently thanked her.

"Follow me into the garage." She instructed. We carried about six more boxes into garage after Gemma opened the garage door.

"Thanks for bringing those by." Gemma say down at the dining room table and lit a cigarette.

"No problem, I'll see you at the garage tomorrow." I said. My job was done and I was ready to go be with my mom for the rest of the evening.

"Hold on, why don't you take a load off and sit down. All that filing at the office must have exhausted you." Gemma snorted, pulling a chair out beside her.

Well, I guess I'm sitting now. I eyed Gemma suspiciously as I hesitantly sat down beside her. Something told me that she wanted more than girl talk.

In an instant a huge white macaw swooped past my head causing me to jump and squeal, "What the hell!" It landed on Gemma's arm and then waddled across the table.

"Oh will you relax. He's harmless." Gemma snorted, touching the birds back with her index finger.

"It should be extinct! What is it straight out of a Jurassic Park movie?" I took a deep breath and felt my heart rate starting to calm down.

Gemma snickered and eyed me suspiciously, making me feel uncomfortable. The woman had perfected the death glare. I'm surprised a plant didn't die when she gazed at it. Her eyes fell to Jax's necklace hanging from around my neck.

"So what do you think about Jax heading to Nevada?" She asked, sucking on her cigarette. I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head nonchalantly.

"I'm okay with it." I replied confused.

"Your okay with him hanging around all that free pussy all weekend?" She said bluntly. The thought had crossed my mind when Tig was boasting about all the women there would be at the patch over party. Jax and I aren't technically together, but the thought of him touching someone else makes me physically ill.

Gemma half laughed probably noticing the new shade of green my face had turned.

"You've got a lot to learn, sweetheart. What happens on a run stays on a run." She said, causing me to shake my head in confusion.

"What are you talking about?"

"It means, if you wanna be an old lady you have to put up with a lot of shit, and by shit I mean other women rubbing up on your man. An old lady can make or break a club." Gemma clarified herself. "The men are allowed to screw anything they want on a run as long as it don't follow em' home."

"You're okay with that?" I blurted out. How can you be okay with something like that? I certainly couldn't do that. Did Jax live by those rules? "Why are you telling me this, Gemma? To scare me? To keep me away from Jax?"

"To prepare you, baby." She said before getting up from the table. She walked into the kitchen and picked up a small floral patterned cardboard memory box. She sat it on the table and lifted the lid off. "I don't know what kind of trouble you're in and frankly I don't care, but you were eyeing that .45 in the office today like it owed you money."

She removed a small towel from the box and pulled out a glock and set it on the table. "Jesus, Gemma." I muttered as she pulled out another hand gun, only this one was smaller, more the size of something a woman would carry.

"Try holding this…" She said handing it to me, practically forcing it into my hands. I noticed the abundant amount of firearms in her little box of tricks and wondered who the hell needed this many guns in one home.

The black metal was cool against my hands. It was heavy but not too heavy that I had a hard time holding it. "Gemma, I don't need a gun. I'm fine."

"Honey, I wasn't offering. I already know you know how to shoot it. Put the damn thing in your bag and get going." Gemma insisted, brandishing her firearms. I looked at her and then down at the gun and back up at her wide brown eyes.

I told myself it was just a precaution as I tucked it down inside my bag and walked out the front door.

 **A/N: Hey ya'll! Hope you enjoyed Rowan and Gemma together in this chapter a bit! The next chapter will have Jax's POV and his adventures in Nevada.**

 **QUESTIONS: Yes, again, sorry! ;p**

 **1\. For Jax's POV would you like me to write all of his Nevada adventures or just do a small recap of events in his thoughts and then go into him partying at the patch over?**

 **2\. I recently re-watched Season Two and Three of SOA so I could map out some key events and wanted to get your thoughts/comments/concerns/ideas on the whole Belfast storyline with Abel being taken. I was thinking of maybe possibly having her force Jax to let her come help look for Abel despite his pleas of not wanting her there and pushing her away to protect her. I really had a lot of good ideas planned of getting her deeper in with the club during season three! Should you all want a season three adaptation that is lol**

 **Hope you are all doing well! Thank you so so so much for reading and reviewing and following and favoring this story! I'll be updating AGAIN tomorrow! So stay tuned for Jax's chapter! Will he cheat or will he stay true to his heart? I don't know… Mwhahahahaah (pretend you can see me evilly tapping my fingers together doing that!)**

 **Oh and THANK YOU for 100 some views on my lil fan video! I hope you guys liked it despite the damn watermark! Grr. Working on fixing that. I'm really happy seeing Jax and Rowan together on screen! I was debating on changing who Rowan "look" liked but I'm so happy with Taylor Swift.**

 **She has such a sweet innocent look about her but also room to be edgier and more badass! :)**


	32. Chapter 32: The Last Time

**Chapter 31**

 **Jax's Point of View**

We made a hell of an entrance into Nevada when those two wetback Mayans spotted me and Bobby on the road this morning. All that gunplay wasn't helping us keep our low profile we'd wanted. Uncle Jury was surprised as hell when I had to slap him with news of a patch over this morning; courtesy of Clay. The Devils Tribe wasn't Sons of Anarchy material; not in my opinion at least. Uncle Jury did his best to keep The Tribe on the straight and narrow. They were all bookies and bouncers, not gun runners.

The whole point of coming here was to lock down some space for our AK's until the ATF heat in Charming disappeared. Chief Dipshit Hale flagged Bluebird as our gun warehouse. He's pissed off we made Unser crush the case and he called in the Feds to screw with us .Somehow I knew Clay would pull this shit with a patch over with or without the Fed vultures circling. It didn't sit right with me though...But, when you have a garage full of twenty five to life, you don't have many options.

Now that I have Abel; I've got to start thinking bigger picture kinda shit.

I sat on the black leather couch in the main room of Jury's clubhouse nursing a bud light in my hand. The patch over party was in full swing. Scantily clad women walked around serving alcohol and flirting with anything that had a dick. The music pulsed in my ears as I closed my eyes and sunk down into the couch more taking a swig of my beer. The haze of the alcohol was already settling in nicely.

Jury lost half his guys to this patch over which made him and his club vulnerable. They were an easy target for the Mayans to railroad; which is exactly what those fuckers would do to get back at us for the warehouse getting torched. I needed to talk to Clay about getting some guys to stay behind for backup, just to ease Jury's mind a bit. Although, he probably won't give two shits since it ain't him. If it ain't Clay he don't care... Jury did two tours in Nom with my old man. I guess in some twisted way I felt like I owed him.

I opened my eyes to see Bobby doing a shot off some chick named Daytona's stomach and Clay and Deacon were talking to Jury at the bar knocking a few shots of bourbon back in the process. I dug my phone out of my pocket and dialed Rowan. I just wanted to hear her voice. I hated leaving her with everything going on with her mom, but I had too. Her phone went straight to voicemail and I sighed. "Hey it's Rowan, you know what to do!" Her sweet voice sang in my ear. I couldn't help but smile at it.

"Hey, it's me. I was just calling to check in. Give me a call back when you can." I said, disappointment settling in that she didn't pick up. I hoped everything was okay. She had been acting a little off before I left; what that was about I had no clue.

 **SOA**

I ended up drinking by myself at the bar when this cute perky blond had made her way towards me capturing my attention briefly. I knew I had Rowan back home but it wouldn't be the first time I'd strayed from a girl on a run. The alcohol in my blood stream wasn't exactly helping or the fact that it had been three hours since I had called Rowan without a response. Where the hell is she? Was she at the hospital with her mom or with some other guy? And why the hell hadn't she called me back? The girl was prompt as fuck when it came to making to work on time.

The blonde that had caught my attention a few seconds ago was now dancing with a few other chicks in the middle of the floor as I sat there throwing back beers. She was dancing, swaying to the music blaring through the bar making me notice her tiny waist and curves. I had picked her up on the way to the Patch Over, what her name was I really had no idea. Nor did I really care; I just remember her boyfriend was a piece of shit dickwad that took it upon himself to sit on my Harley.

I downed the rest of the beer in my bottle and dug my cell out of my pocket to check it for what felt like the thousandth time; still nothing. Why wouldn't Rowan answer me? "Hey come 'ere." I called to the girl that was desperately trying her best to get my attention.

She made her way towards me.

"Thanks again for what you did this morning with my boyfriend; ex-boyfriend I should say." She had started to drone on into my ear as I let my hands explore her small little body. Anything she was saying to me was really just passing through my ears like wind.

I was way to out of it to really care about her or the words coming out of her mouth. I probably should just go crash for the night. "I mean," She started to say as she bit her lip. "I would do anything to make it up to you." She smirked letting me look over her body as I just grinned at her. The tight striped tank top she was wearing gave me a nice view of her rack and felt my dick twitch in my pants. I'm only human after all.

"I'm sure I could think of a few ways you could repay me." I told her as I stood up grabbing a few beers from behind the bar then pulling her into one of the side rooms in the back.

Her lips where on mine the moment the doors shut, which really only showed me the kind of girl she was. She was acting like a regular already; one of the club girls or a sweet butt as my mother enjoyed calling them. Well she had a stronger word to describe them but I wasn't much for being rude to these girls. They always made things interesting and took care of whatever we needed.

I started pulling off her clothes piece by piece, in between my mouth being on her and her yapping about something I could careless for. I was taking large swigs out of some of the beers I'd brought into the room. My head was slightly spinning and yet still no text or call from Rowan.

My lips clashed with hers and for a moment I closed my eyes and pretended it was Rowan. It was her plump pink lips I was kissing, not this girl. It was her ass I was grabbing and breasts I was clutching. It was her moaning in my ear begging for more. When I opened my eyes I was met with disappoint because the face looking back at me wasn't Rowan. I guided Susie; I'd finally remembered her name, in front of me towards the bed. She was naked and ready for me, but I was hesitating for some damn reason... "Turn over," I instructed, shoving a pillow underneath her chest for support.

I suddenly didn't want to see her face. There was only one person I wanted to be inside of right now and she was back in Charming. So, I closed my eyes as I plowed into Susie pictured the only face I ever wanted to see staring back at me. Like Clay and the boys always said; 'What happens on a run stays on the run.' Just don't let it follow you home. If Rowan was serious about being in my life; that was unfortunately something she would need to get used to… sometimes these things just happen...or sometimes I cause them to happen.

Soon the night became blurry; but there was one thing I knew for sure. Susie was going to have some trouble walking in the morning and wasn't soon going to forget her night. I could feel her body getting heavier on my chest telling me she'd finally passed out. Thank fuck.

I reached for my pants and pulled out my phone checking to see if there was anything from Rowan yet. Still nothing; I wasn't sure if it was this stupid deal Clay was making or the alcohol speaking, but now I was just getting pissed.

I nudged the girl awake on my chest; seeing her look up at me in daze. She was just as drunk if not more drunk then me. "Think your legs can handle another round babe?" I felt myself ask her, as she seemed happy about the suggestion.

Part of me knew what I was doing wasn't really cool in the greater scheme of things but this was who I was. I did whatever I wanted and regardless of how I felt about Rowan… this was who I was; although sometimes I wondered if I liked this version of myself all that much.

 **SOA**

I woke up the next morning my head feeling like I'd whacked it against the side of the wall. Looking around the room in haze I began to remember the night, easily over fifteen bottles of beer had been scattered all over the floor along with four shot glasses. There was also that girl from the other day… Susie passed out next to me in the bed. Naked, wasn't exactly the worst thing to wake up next too I supposed; it wasn't who I wanted to wake up to though.

I swung my feet over the side of the bed running my hands through my hair as I took a deep breath. I saw my phone light was pulsing off and on causing me to pick it up, Rowan. I had completely forgotten I was trying to get ahold of her the entire night. That memory among others from the previous night were now lost in my drunken haze

I opened my phone to see there was a response from her. "Shit," I muttered looking at my phone and then the naked girl in my bed. Sure I felt guilty for betraying Rowan by sleeping with this girl, but she wasn't my girlfriend, and I was still free to do whatever I wanted. Not that hurting her was something I had ever wanted to do, which was probably why this never having a chance of getting back to her, was a good thing.

I stood up off the bed and began to pull on my clothes before throwing my cut back on over my shoulders. I would have put my blue shirt back on however the girl Susie seemed to be hugging it, and there was no possible way I was about to wake that chick up. That would mean I would have to talk to her, and as fun as last night was that was about all I wanted from her. I'd be fine in my white t-shirt.

I got the hell out of the room before she woke up and headed downstairs; taking note of the destroyed clubhouse as I went outside to clear my head. I guess it was a wild night for everyone. My chest felt tight as the cool morning air swarmed around me. I sleep with women all the time. Why did this need to feel so different; I knew this wasn't going to get back to Rowan and yet I still felt guilty about it… I shouldn't even care but I did. I cared a lot. I lit a smoke and pulled it from between my lips letting the smoke slowly ooze out from my mouth.

I sat down on my bike and pulled out my cell; calling Rowan back. It was still early in the morning the sun had just crested over the Nevada mountains; casting shadows across them. After I hit send to call her I wondered if she'd even answer with it being so early.

The phone rang a few more times in my ear and then she picked up, "Jax?" She mumbled sleepily. I could picture her with that sleepy grin on her face and it made my heart ache for her.

"Hey, darling." I said feeling bad I'd probably woke her up. "I'm sorry, you were probably asleep. Go back to sleep, we can talk later."

"No, no! I'm awake!" She lied, her voice becoming more cheerful. I smirked liking the fact that she wanted to talk to me despite the time. "I saw you called last night. I didn't get to call you back until late last night. My mom had a bit of an appetite last night and she wanted Italiano's, I left my phone in my car like an idiot." She half laughed at herself. I felt a rush of relief wash over me that she wasn't tangled up with someone else last night. I don't know why even thought that to begin with. She didn't seem like the type of girl to do that kinda thing. She didn't seem like…me.

"You had me worried for a while." I told her, stubbing out my cigarette on the side of my sneaker.

"You were worried about me? You're the one in the biker gang remember?" She pointed out. I could sense the smirk tugging on her lips through the phone.

Fuck. I really fucked up last night.

"Hey, now it's a club not a gang." I challenged back.

"Sure sure." She laughed. God. The sound of her laugh could drive me crazy, in the best possible way. It was so sweet, so innocent, so close to being damn near perfect. "What did you do yesterday besides get food?"

"I actually spent a little time with your mom." She said. I ran a hand down the side of my face wondering what kind of damage my mother could have done.

"Oh, God… Well, you're still speaking to me so I'll take that as a sign things went okay." She laughed on the other end of the phone, and then I heard shuffling like she'd gotten up.

"It was actually, okay. I think Gemma means well." She sighed, and I felt that sense that something was off again. "How's Nevada? Anything interesting happen?"

"Nope, there's been no gun play whatsoever. It's actually pretty fucking boring." I got up off my bike and walked across the dusty parking lot, jamming a hand down in my pocket to ignore the tightening in my chest.

I don't understand what's happening right now.

"Well least I know you're still in one piece then!" She said, smiling no doubt. "How's the big patch over party?"

"How'd you know there was a party?" If she finds out what happened here this weekend I think it would crush her… It's a good thing she won't ever find out then.

"Deacon filled me in on the logistics of a patch over. See, I'm learning." I held the phone away from my ear for a second and lowered my head. Why did I feel like shit right now? Why did I wanna toss the phone across the lot?

"Jax, are you still there?"

"Yeah, I'm here. It was pretty, uh, uneventful… Drank a few beers and passed out… I don't really know what all went on…" I paused. A kaleidoscope of images of Susie and me in bed together last night flashed in my mind.

"You okay? You seem like your really far away…" Rowan asked, her voice laced with concern. How long has it been since I've said anything?

"Yeah, I'm good… I just, I just realized how much I wish you were here right now. I miss you…"

"I miss you too…" she said and I knew she was being completely honest. I don't know where things are going with Rowan, but I know I want them to go somewhere. "You have no idea how much I want you… How much I wanna get lost in you. How much I wanna touch you…"

"Jax…" she whispered lightly into the phone. "You wanna go on a date with me?" I blurted out without thinking. I've never dated anyone but Tara and that was in high school and we never really went on an actual date; usually just hung out. I felt stupid asking her. I don't do dates, but she's the type of girl that goes for that thing.

"Did Jax Teller just ask me out?" She questioned, surprised clearly. I wanted to do things differently with her. I wanted this to go somewhere. "So that's a yes?" I smirked kicking the tire of my bike checking the air pressure.

"Shh… I'm thinking about it!" She laughed, causing me to smile.

"We can take a drive up by the river again to another one of my favorite spots, maybe hang out at a bar for bit and I can get you properly drunk?" I tried to persuade her. She was making me work for it, something I've never had to do and honestly I liked the challenge.

"I don't know… I have my mom and everything going on with her. I don't wanna go to far."

"All the more reason to give yourself a timeout and it's not that far of a drive, I promise. Say yes…You know you're going too."

"Someone's awfully sure of himself." She replied, teasing.

"I know you and I know what you want." I replied back confidently. I sat down on my bike again and lit another cigarette.

"You don't know me, Jax Teller."

"Why do you make it so hard for me to flirt with you?" I asked, smirking shaking my head at this girl. She was unlike anyone I'd ever met in my life. And I loved that about her.

"Because if I made it easy, then you'd get bored and stop." She shot back with a small nervous laugh. I made her nervous and she's the first girl to make me nervous.

"If you don't wanna go on a date with me, that's fine." I conceded.

"I'd love to go out on a date with you." She replied sweetly.

"I'll find you when I get back." I said, knowing whatever happened with that chick I slept with this weekend would never happen again….

 **A/N: Please don't hate me guys! Lol. I made Jax stray for a few different reasons… I wanted to keep him in character for one and also show you that he wanted Rowan but he couldn't have her, if that makes sense? Basically he had sex with Rowan in his mind. Jax is struggling with his feelings for her because he's never had to try so hard with anyone. Tara was always kinda just there, kinda like she is now but she ain't getting him! Lol.**

 **Thank you SO much for the beautiful comments/suggestions! I notice every single one and take them all into account while writing! They help me out SO much! It's what keeps me going!**

 **These authors notes are always super long, but I like talking to you guys and getting your inputs!**

 **Next chapter is a date chapter! I've got some great things cooked up thanks to all of your suggestions so stay tuned!**

 **Check out Rowan's journey with SAMCRO on Instagram: collins_rowan :)**

 **P.S. Totally random question! What are your thoughts on some holiday chapters in the future? Christmas? Thanksgiving? Birthdays?**


	33. Chapter 33: Tenerife Sea

**Chapter 33**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Jax had made it back safely from Nevada two days ago. Things between us have seemed off slightly since he got back and Gemma's words echoed in my mind. I wondered what he'd done in Nevada and with whom, if he'd done anything at all. Then I told myself I was just being stupid; that this whole thing with Jerry had me paranoid about everything.

Jax found me as soon as he got back; just like he said he would. We ended up hanging out together in the NICU with Abel for a while and ate Chinese food. There was a small television set hanging up in the corner of the room. I flipped through the channels sitting on the small sofa with my legs dangling over Jax's. He was playing with the strings on my ripped up skinny jeans. I found Finding Nemo on the television and squealed with delight. "Oh, I love this movie!"

"Seriously?" Jax looked at me with a dumbfounded expression. "You've got to be kidding me. I'm not watching this shit." He tried to grab the remote, but I held it out of arms reach with a mischievous grin etched onto my face.

"Hey, don't knock it till you've tried it!" I protested, taking a bite of an egg roll. Jax rolled his eyes as the opening scene came on. I had to admit I was enjoying making this tough badass biker guy sit here and endure Finding Nemo. I wanted to see how long he'd put up with it. Because let's face it, no guy; biker or not, is going to willingly watch Finding Nemo.

"You do realize you're twenty one, not four, right?" He grinned, flicking the pony tail in my hair playfully. I glared at him and scrunched up my nose. I glanced over at Abel as he squirmed in his incubator as the music from the movie played.

"See, Abel likes it!" I said, proud that I had one Teller in my corner on this whole movie situation.

Jax's eyes followed mine to the incubator and then he glanced at me once again. "He's probably begging for you to change it."

"You, hush." I said, clamping a hand over his mouth with a laugh. Jax pretended to bite my fingers causing me to pull my hand away. I sat my half eaten Chinese food container on the floor and took his empty one as well.

I turned to him with a persuasive smile, "If you do this for me, I'll do something for you."

Jax perked up at that proposition, and a grin tugged on the corners of his lips. Crap, I probably shouldn't have made that offer... Is his mind always in the gutter?

"Not that!" I laughed, as he threw his head back with a sigh, "Fine," he muttered disappointed.

We cuddled on the couch and watched the movie as it played in silence, aside from my laughter. I'd hoped Jax was enjoying it too, and from the few smiles I'd caught him make that he'll deny, I thought he was enjoying it. This was one of my all-time favorite animated movies, safe from Toy Story. My mom and I watched them all time together, it was our thing. She was probably watching it right now in her room if I knew her.

The movie ended and I leaned up to look at Jax as he pulled me tighter into his side. "What did you think?" I smiled, awaiting his review.

He chuckled, staring down at me. He brushed some hair behind my ear. "It was okay...It was cute."

"Oh, come one! That's it, 'cute.' It's an awesome movie!" I sat up and looked at him.

"It's a movie about a disabled fish, whose mom gets murdered, Ro. How the hell is this even appropriate for kids?" Jax shook his head, giving me a hard time. I rolled my eyes and laughed. He did kind of have a point. Murder wasn't exactly kid friendly. "Oh, whatever."

"Take the 'it's cute' as a win, Ro." Jax said, kissing me tenderly on the lips. I bit my lip and closed my eyes as we broke apart, our foreheads resting on each other. "Honestly, I enjoyed watching you watch the movie more than anything." He whispered. His breath hitting my cheek, sending shivers up my spine. Jax and I clicked in ways that couldn't be described. I guess the saying rings true; opposites attract and all. We couldn't be more different from one another; his world moves too fast and burns too bright, but yet somehow when were together it works. And god, does it feel good.

"If you tell anyone I watched Finding Nemo, I'll kill ya." Jax whispered. Then he smirked down at me.

"I'm telling everyone!" I laughed...

 **SOA**

I was riding on the back of Jax's bike; my arms holding onto him for dear life. He'd asked me to go for a drive up to the river with him today so he could show me another one of his favorite spots and I happily agreed. I was still getting used to riding on the motorcycle, but growing to love it as much as he seemed too. It was nothing like riding in a car. On the back of his bike, it was just you and the open road. No restrictions. It felt like we blended in with nature as we rode along.

I tried not to look down at the asphalt as it blurred by and kept my eyes looking straight ahead. If I looked down I got a little nauseated and the last thing I wanted to do was puke in front of him. I noticed myself glancing in the mirrors more times than not to see if Jerry had decided to follow us. The gnawing reality of what he was doing to me was constantly eating away at the back of my mind.

Although the anxiety I felt when Jax pulled out of Teller-Morrow has faded. It amazed how he handled the bike with such a cool confidence. He shifted gears with a calculated precision. Jax could tell I was still a bit nervous when it came to riding the bike, so he went a little slower for my benefit. Whenever we came to a turn he'd place his hand on my bare thigh indicating which way we'd be turning. It was meant to comfort me, but in all honesty, it sent tingles up my thigh every time he did it and sent chills spreading over my skin.

Nuzzling my face into the back of his shoulder I take in the scenery as it passes by in a gracious green blur of colors. The air flowing past us felt like it had dropped a few degrees which told me we were nearing the water. I was thankful to be wearing my leather jacket over my dress romper that Lena had insisted I wear today. The earthy musk filled my nostrils; a mixture of water, dirt, and a little bit of cow manure, I think?

Jax slowed down considerably and I braced myself for his touch to my thigh, but felt him lift my hand that was resting over his chest, up to his lips. My heart skipped an obnoxious beat. I kissed the back of his neck lightly without giving it a second thought. We made the turn down an old dirt road and twisted our way back through the countryside running along the river.

After a few miles Jax pulled off to the side of the road near a small clearing. He shut of the bike and kicked out the kick stand with his foot. The vibrations from the bike slowly came to a halt as turned off. Jax climbed off the bike, removing his helmet and resting on the handle bar.

"How was that? Was it too fast for you?" He asked with a smirk. I unhooked my helmet and handed it to him, shaking my head.

"No. It was perfect." I smiled, as he helped me off the bike. He let his eyes roam down over my body painfully slowly and I felt my stomach flutter with nervous energy. He let his eyes linger on my legs and then reached down and touched my calf. "I think the exhaust might have got your leg a bit."

"Oh," I looked down to see a red blotch of skin forming on my lower calf where the heat from the exhaust pipe had gently started to burn it.

"I didn't even notice. It's fine." It didn't even hurt.

Jax looked at me apologetically, like it was somehow his fault. I kissed him on the lips, "I'm fine." I reassured him, then twirled on my heel and backed away from him slowly towards the clearing.

The rushing water behind me filled my ears. Jax smirked and sauntered towards me gradually. With each step that he took my heart pounded.

"What was that? Did you just spin?" He chuckled, placing his hands on my hips when he finally caught up to me.

"No! It was a twirl. There's a difference." I corrected him, smiling.

His lips formed into an 'oh' as he chuckled, pushing me backwards towards the river bank.

Without warning Jax picked me up and tossed me over his shoulder, eliciting a loud shriek from me. "Jackson Teller! Put me down! You're a caveman!" I smacked his butt laughing as he carried me along.

"Would you look at that, I touched the butt." Jax chuckled, pinching my butt. I laughed and smacked him in the butt again.

Gently, and as gracefully as he could he sat me down on the ground and fell on top of me. We both laughed as we lied in the grass next to one another. After a moment I propped myself up on my elbows and took in the serenity of the rushing river in front of us. "It's beautiful." I whispered almost to myself.

"Yeah, you are." I caught Jax looking directly at me. My face instantly flushed with heat. "Me and Opie come up here to go fishing a lot. There's some great trout in there."

"Good to know." I smiled.

"I found this place not long after my brother Thomas died."

"He had the same heart defect as Abel, right?"

He nodded, "Yeah, he did. My mom calls it the family flaw. But we got a lot of other flaws besides that."

"I think all families do. Look at mine." I laughed. It's crazy to know that I have a father in SAMCRO.

Jax slipped his arm under my back and turned on his side to face me. His blue eyes locked on my own as he traced his index finger down along the chain of his necklace that he'd given me. My breathing slowed tremendously as his finger touched my bare skin. The floral romper I had on was cut pretty low so he could venture pretty far if he wanted. God and I wanted him too.

"Hey, how'd you get that?" I asked, noticing the tiny scar between his thumb and index finger.

"That was actually from a fishing hook. I went fishing with Clay after my old man passed away. It got snagged on my hand and the hook went clean through." I winced at that image as it flashed in my mind.

"Ouch," I stared at his large hand and placed my hand in his; our fingers intertwining. I let my eyes roam up his forearm over his tattoos, taking in the bulging veins as I went. I brushed my fingers over the two inch scar just below his elbow and glanced up at him, "And this one?"

Jax looked down at the scar then back up at me.

"That was from a bar fight when I was sixteen. Opie got into with some jackass who tried to hustle him out of some pool money, and I backed him up. Took a broken beer bottle to the arm in the process."

"Talk about battle wounds." I chuckled, running my thumb over the tiny scar.

Jax smirked and leaned down and kissed my nose. "What about you, you got any battle scars?" He chuckled.

"Let's see if you can find them all." I challenged him, arching my eyebrow with a smirk.

Jax nodded, accepting the challenge.

His eyes started at the top of my head and slowly roamed downward. I shrugged out of my leather jacket and let him look at me. He ran his hand down each arm, sending cool shivers dancing across my skin with his touch. "Right here," he said, holding up my wrist, there was a small burn scar. "How'd that happen?"

"Ah, that was a fight with a pizza oven at the diner. The pizza oven won." I chuckled. Jax kissed the burn scar gently and set my hand back down at my side and glanced down towards my thighs which I had been clutching together. His rough hand glided over my thigh causing my core to tighten in response.

"And here?" He arched an eyebrow, taking in the circular scar the size of a quarter on my thigh.

"Lena and I decided to skip school in 9th grade and go out near Pearson Bridge. Back when they were getting ready to blast it. We wanted to jump off into the water one more time before they took the bridge down," I explained, "I jumped off first and ended up landing in the water the wrong way and a piece of rebar went clear through."

"Jesus Christ," Jax half laughed, rubbing the scar with his thumb, shaking his head.

I shrugged laughing staring up at the sun glinting through the leaves in the trees hanging over us. Jax leaned down and kissed my thigh gently directly over the scar. Then he slowly kissed over top of my clothes up my stomach and in between my breasts. A moan escaped from my lips as he nipped and sucked on my neck tenderly.

If this is how I spent the rest of my life, I'd be perfectly fine with that.

Involuntarily, I ran my fingers through the back of his hair. He placed his hand on the side of my neck and his lips found my own.

We lied there tangled up in each other kissing to the rhythm of the water rushing in the river for what felt like hours. I don't think falling for Jax was ever a choice for me. It was more like an inevitability.


	34. Chapter 34: I Want This

**Chapter 34**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Jax and I walked hand in hand along the river bank until we reached where the river met the lake. Jax was chewing on a piece of grass as we walked out onto the small wooden rickety dock that protruded out into the water a little ways. The dock wobbled as we walked on it, and with each step I clung to Jax's arm.

"I wonder how cold the water is." I said aloud, staring down into the green murky water. Jax shrugged and turned to me with a smirk on his face. He flicked the grass he was chewing on out into the water.

"You wanna find out?" He wrapped his arms around my waist and attempted to toss me in the water. I laughed and squealed as he held me out over the water in front of him.

"Jax! Don't you dare!" He was laughing, enjoying this way to much. He pulled me back against his chest and whispered into my ear, "What are you gonna do?"

"This," I smirked, giving him a tiny playful shove backwards. He grinned knowing he was going in the lake, and he did, but not before grabbing my wrist at the last possible second and saying,

"If I go, I'm taking you with me!"

We both landed in the water with a splash. The water was colder than I had expected. When I resurfaced I didn't see Jax. I spun in the water, brushing my hair out of my face and called out to him, "Jax?" I laughed, wondering where he was. Then I wondered if he was still under the water?

"Jax? This isn't funny!"

I felt myself being lifted out of the water and tossed back. I shrieked and chuckled looking at a smirking Jax. "You scared me!" I splashed him.

"I'm so sorry!" He faked an apology. He closed the distance between us in a few strokes and pulled me into his chest with ease. I tried to dunk his head under the water but he hiked me over his shoulder before I could.

We spent the rest of the after noon goofing off in the water together, just having fun. Something I haven't had in quite some time. I don't think Jax has much fun like this either. It was nice to see him let loose and not be so tense and worried for the time being. I felt guilty though; that I was out here smiling and laughing while my mom was dying. It didn't seem fair.

We decided to walk back to where I left my phone and my jacket in the clearing by the bike and dry off in the sun before heading back.

"Are you going to get your pool fixed?" I asked, lying in the grass next to Jax. Our shoulders were touching. Jax had his arm relaxing up over his head and he turned to look at me.

"Only if I get to see you swim in a bikini."

"Well, of course." I giggled, shoving his face away playfully. He chuckled and I took in the sound of his laugh and the way the sun gave his skin a soft glow.

Jax's hand intertwined with my own as we lied there baking in the sun. We lied in comfortable silence next to each other. Everyone once in a while I'd glance at him and his eyes would be closed, but I'd feel his thumb brush over my hand lightly. I wanted to relax, and just be here in this moment with him but I couldn't. That eerie feeling I've had for the past week kept creeping in and strangling me.

"What's wrong?" Jax questioned, unmoving, eyes still closed. What is he psychic? I rolled my eyes at that and chuckled to myself.

"Nothing," I chirped, lie. "How'd you even know I was awake? Your eyes have been closed."

"I don't need to see you to know what's going on with you, Ro." He smirked, finally opening his eyes to meet my own. The little nickname he'd used made my heart flutter like a butterfly trapped in a jar against my ribcage.

"What's going on?" He questioned again, this time a little more sternly. I shook my head. I contemplated telling him about Jerry, but I didn't want to ruin today. I just wanted this day with him without any drama. I turned towards him. I placed my hand on his cheek and kissed him, slowly easing his mind. "Nothing's wrong." I half lied. There was something wrong, just not in this moment.

Jax let out a breath and kissed me back without restraint. A moan escaped from him as he gently pulled back and looked at me. "What do you say we head to that bar a few miles back?" He asked, placing his thumb on my bottom lip. I nodded my head and said, "Sure."

 **SOA**

The wind from riding the bike to the bar had finished drying out our clothes the rest of the way; but left me freezing. I was all too happy to cling to Jax for warmth. The sunny sky that had been with us all day was quickly fading behind incoming storm clouds. I hoped it wasn't going to rain as we pulled into the parking lot of the roadside bar Jax had showed me earlier that day when we road past it.

I could smell BBQ floating through the air, making my stomach growl. Well, that's attractive.

The parking lot was almost vacant minus the few cars and bikes parked out front, if it wasn't for the sign hanging off the side of the building in neon colors saying Cliff's I would probably have thought it was someone's house. The place almost looked like a cabin, with the faded log siding on the outside and stone around the windows.

Jax and I walked towards the door hand in hand across the parking lot. I noticed the many signs attached to the outer wall explaining there was pool inside and a few of the different drafts they had on tap; Budweiser, Bud Light, Coors Light, Miller Lite, and Guinness and Blue Moon. Jax walked towards the door holding it open for me as I walked inside, placing a hand on my hip once he followed in behind me.

There was a smoky haze that filled the place that I liked. The ambiance was relaxing. I noticed there was a long deep brown bar off to the one side with tall stools lining it. A few people were seated at the bar enjoying beers and burgers. The rest of the bar was filled with leather booths and tables throughout filling up the rest of the room. I took in all the old sports memorabilia along the walls, as well as old framed photos of patrons of the bar. I saw in the one corner sectioned off from the rest of the bar where two pool tables, and a jukebox which only brought me excitement knowing I could pick music, likely to annoy/tease Jax with.

Jax made some sort of motion towards the bartender before leading us off towards a table to sit at. We sat down at a high table with bar stools by the window as a woman in a tight black tank top and shorts made her way to the table. Her attention was immediately drawn to Jax.

"What can I get you two, honey?" She asked, almost pushing her boobs out of her tank top. I wanted to say 'why don't you try a little harder' but just smirked at Jax. He knew what she was doing and kept his eyes locked on me.

"Two bud lights, please." He said never breaking eye contact with me. The waitress seemed flustered and walked off to get our drinks.

"Is it always like this?" I questioned, shrugging out of my leather jacket. I hung it on the back of my bar stool.

"Like what?"

"She was clearly trying to get your attention." I half laughed, propping my elbows on the table and giving him a pointed look.

"I didn't notice. I was looking at something far more beautiful." He said; giving me one of his trademark smirks. My face instantly flushed a bright red. Smooth Teller, real smooth. I chewed the inside of my lip and fought back a smile. This guy is going to destroy me. I can see it now. But it'll be so worth it.

The waitress brought our beers to the table and left without a word.

"Do you always know the right thing to say?" I questioned, squinting my eyes at him and wiggling my eyebrows. He chuckled and shrugged, "Guess so, it's a gift."

Jax and I knocked back a few beers and ate greasy nachos. I was definitely feeling the effects of the three beers I had; a light haze had formed behind my eyes and I felt comfortably warm and fuzzy all over. Jax had four beers to my three and seemed completely fine. A live band had started to play old bluegrass cover songs, terribly I might. The bar had filled up with more people than I had expected it would within the last hour or so. Mostly rowdy college kids from a county over who thought they were Gods greatest gift.

Jax noticed me eyeing the pool tables off towards the back.

"You know how to play?"

"I do as matter of fact. Wanna play?" I asked arching an eyebrow at him. I stood up a little too quickly and felt the room spinning and felt Jax catch me instantly, "You okay there, lightweight?" He laughed.

"I'm perfectly fine!" I slurred my words confidently, seeing two of him momentarily.

"You're a little high on yourself aren't you? Going around saying you're all fine." He whispered into my ear. A warmth spread down my neck and back and across my chest causing me to shudder at his touch. My body reacted to him in ways I never thought it could react to anything.

"I think someone's just afraid they might get hustled by a girl." I challenged him, pulling away and walking towards the pool tables in the back. I glanced over my shoulder to see Jax finishing his beer. His eyes fixed on my ass no doubt. He joined me quickly.

We played three rounds of pool, all three games in which I beat Jax. I don't know whether he let me win or if I just got lucky. Normally sober I wasn't half bad, but in my slightly incoherent state I didn't even know how I was making the shots. Jax scratched his head and looked at me in disbelief. "How the hell did you do that?"

He sat his pool stick down on the table and then took mine and sat it down as well. "Beginners luck." I offered with a cheeky grin. "I think you cheated." Jax kissed me on the lips as I shook my head. "I did not cheat!" Jax nodded his head and laughed and then excused himself to use the restroom.

I leaned against the pool table and waited for him to come back. A guy in cargo shorts and a pink polo sidled up next to me with a drunk goofy grin on his face. "How are you doing, sweetheart?"

"Fine, thanks." I muttered not wanting to talk to this guy, crossing my arms over my chest feeling slightly uncomfortable with how close this guy was standing. I decided to head back to our table. Jax could find me there when I felt a hand grab my elbow. I turned around to see that that hand belonged to the ass in the pink polo.

"Where you going, baby?" He hollered over the music playing, "I'm not done talking to you."

I slapped his hand away and staggered backwards. "Don't touch me!" I glared at him.

I felt two arms twisting around my waist from behind and instantly knew it was Jax. He tucked me behind him in one swift movement. "There a problem here?" He asked, looking at me and then the asshole in front of us.

"No, it's fine. I handled it." I said, grabbing his forearm attempting to pull him back. Jax glared at the brown haired kid before him, nostrils flaring clearly pissed. He was like a brick wall standing nose to nose with the guy in front of him. I could already see where this was heading and didn't want a fight to break out.

"We were just talking, bro." The guy said, with a shit eating grin etched on his face. Jax smirked and licked his lip as he lowered his head and then his eyes snapped back up. They were hard, cold even.

"Didn't look like just talking, bro." He growled back.

I wedged myself between them placing my hands on Jax's chest and pushed him back a few steps. He wouldn't look at me. The muscles in his jaw flexed and popped as he clenched his jaw shut.

"Jax," I said, trying to pull his attention back to me. "Jax, look at me!" I clutched my hand onto the nape of his neck and forced him to look at me. His eyes softened ever so gently, but I could tell by the way his body tensed he was ready to kick this guy's ass for grabbing me. "Stop it! It's not worth it."

"You are worth it." He whispered through gritted teeth.

"Hey, it's not worth it! He's just some asshole in a bar. He doesn't matter. I'm not going home with him. I'm going home with you..." I told him, instantly aware of the eyes on us at the moment. Everyone had started to gather around to see the fight that was about to take place. Idiots.

Jax looked over my shoulder at the guy and then back at me. "Take me home." I whispered, sweetly. I could tell it was taking everything in him to walk away and leave this guy unchecked, but he kept his eyes on me this time and took my hand and led me out of the bar after we grabbed my jacket from the table.

 **SOA**

It had started raining on the ride back to Jax's house. Being on the bike meant we were completely drenched by the time the tires hit the driveway. I laughed as Jax shut of the bike and hopped off. The rain came pouring down even harder as we removed our helmets and ran hand in hand for the door. We huddle together under the little porch above the front door.

"I guess next time I should check the weather." Jax chuckled, fishing his keys out of his pocket with one hand. The other was around my waist. The warmth of his hand went straight through my dress. I couldn't help but smile that he said 'next time.'

"Why? I like the rain. It's calming." I smiled, extending my hand out from under the porch overhang to let the drops of water ripple through my fingers. "When it rains it's like the earth is starting over. Cleansing itself. Mother Nature's reset button. It washes away all the bad and gives things the ability to grow into something good in the process." I glanced back at Jax to see him staring at me with this weird but sweet look on his face. He probably thinks I'm so crazy environmental guru now. "What?" I asked, shyly.

"You're something else you know that?" He pushed the door open and I laughed as we walked inside.

Now that we were inside safe from the torrential downpour outside I felt like I was freezing. I hugged myself and shivered while Jax turned on a few lights in the kitchen. The A/C was on full blast. "Oh my god! Are you hanging meat in here? It's freezing!"

"Hang on!" Jax chuckled. He went down the hall and disappeared into the bathroom for a few seconds. He emerged a few moments later carrying two dark blue towels.

"Let's get you warm," he tucked his towel under his arm and opened mine up and wrapped it around my shoulders. He rubbed his hands up and down my arms while I pulled the towel tighter around myself.

"Better," he arched an eyebrow pulling me into his chest. I nodded my head. "Better." I smiled as he brushed some wet hair behind my ear. The feeling of being this close to him was overwhelming at times. Like right now. I could smell his cologne mixed with the scent of the fresh rain and the faint smell of alcohol on his breath.

He was staring at me again in that sweet endearing way he had been all day and night. "What?" I asked, suddenly nervous. I bit my lip waiting for a response.

"You're so god damn beautiful." He cupped my face in his hands; his thumb brushing over my cheekbone.

I lowered my eyes slightly and then looked back up at him. There's no way I look beautiful with my hair soaking wet and mascara running down my face.

"I look like a drenched sewer rat." He smirked and shook his head, cupping my chin in his hand and pulling my lip from between my teeth, "You and biting that damn lip. It drives me insane." My lip tingled where he was touching it. I felt a flurry of sexual energy pooling in my lower stomach.

His beautiful baby blue eyes stared into mine and in that moment I knew I was gone for good. There was no coming back from this. From him. Somewhere deep down I knew there was something about him I needed from the moment we met. Turns out it wasn't just something about him. It was just simply him. Us.

"I've never seen anyone or anything as perfect as you, darling." My heart fluttered inside my chest as he slowly leaned in, placing his lips tenderly on my own.

His mouth was on mine softly, he let me take the lead though and explore his mouth this time. His tongue was following my own in languid strokes while I experimented; I gently sucked and nipped his bottom lip into my mouth as heat pooled in my lower stomach.

I let the towel that was wrapped around me fall to the ground. His hands slid down my bare shoulders and over my arms until they settled on my hips. Jax let out a rough groan, his hands tightening on my hips as the kiss deepened. He began kissing and nipping at the skin all along my jawline and down my neck. Biting my earlobe. I leaned my head to the side giving him better access opening my mouth trying to desperately get air to my lungs.

My fingers twisted into the fabric of his plaid button down shirt, pulling him closer to me. He palmed the small of my back clutching me closer to him as well as we slowly started to back up.

I winced when my back hit the wall, but my lips never left his. God, it was like our lips were made for each other. They fit perfectly together. We were like magnets. If he moved, I moved. His hands were tangled in my hair one moment and then the next mine were tangled in his. I pushed his cut off his shoulders and he shrugged out of it, letting it hit the floor never breaking contact with me.

My hands were struggling to unbutton his wet shirt. I muttered curse words under my breath and felt Jax smirk against my neck, amused by my mishap. I let my hands roam to the hem of his shirt and venture up underneath his shirt instead needing to feel him. A shudder ran through him when my hands explored each contour of his six-pack.

Jax ripped his shirt open and tore it off in record time causing me to laugh because his lips never left my own still.

Jax pulled back, panting and held my face in his hands looking at me. "We don't have to do this. Not unless you want too. Is this what you want, right now?" His voice seemed hopeful.

I did want this.

All of it.

With him.

I've never been exactly good with words, so I decided to just go with what I was feeling. All of my hesitations and reservations about waiting to have sex disappeared because Jax was the guy.

Without a word I slowly pushed the straps of my dress off my shoulders and shimmied out of it letting it fall to the floor around my feet. I had on a black lacy bra and panties. I'd had safer underwear laid out; underwear that would have prevented us from ending up half naked in front of each other like this. But at the last minute I changed my mind. I guess I knew deep down this is how I wanted to end things.

Jax sucked in a breath, "Christ." I could tell he wanted me to be sure I wanted this because he didn't make a move towards me; which was painful for him judging by the strained look on his face. His nostrils flared and I noticed the heavy way he was breathing as his eyes roamed over my newly exposed skin. My chest. My stomach. My legs.

We stared at each other for a long moment before I spoke, "What are you waiting for?" I asked, feeling more nervous than ever. Was he changing his mind? Did he not want to have sex with me? Was I not what he wanted anymore? My thoughts swirled as the sense of rejection settled in.

"You… You control this." He told me, trying to remain in control. His eyes were full of lust as I took a step towards him, placing the palm of my hand over his rapidly beating heart.

"This is what I want, Jax."

In an instant he fisted a handful of my hair bringing his mouth to my own for a searing, toe curling kiss that sent my world spinning into a different dimension. His hands caressed my body gently; down my shoulders, around my waist, my ass, and then to my thighs.

"Wrap your legs around me." He instructed picking me up. I did as he asked wincing as our hips made contact; feeling his erection hitting me where I needed him the most.

I felt like a live wire that just needed to make contact with him. A spark ready to ignite. For a moment I wondered if I'd ever get used to this feeling of being with him like this. It was exhilarating, terrifying, and intoxicating.

"Relax, darling," he whispered, kissing me again as his hand reached around and unclasped my bra. It was quickly discarded from my body leaving me bare in his arms.

How am I supposed to relax when it feels like I can't breathe and all of these feelings are pulsing through my veins?

A soft moan escaped his lips as he pushed me up against the wall, leaning down and taking my breast in his mouth without asking permission. Not that he needed it. A moan escaped from my lips this time as I clutched his hair. His tongue swirled around my nipple in a delicious movement. I reared back moaning as he kissed across to the other one to do the same thing.

It felt like I was on fire and Jax was the cool water I needed.

He kissed up between my breasts until he found my mouth, taking it, possessing it. His hand snaked down between my thighs. He slowly pushed my panties to the side as I whimpered at his touch. I was already so sensitive and on the verge of coming undone. My thighs tightened involuntarily around his waist as his hand cupped me. My finger nails dug into his back. "Jax, this is…I can't hold on."

"I know," he mumbled against my lips slowly stroking me and playing with my clit. I felt feverish and close to losing my mind. We hadn't even made to the bedroom yet and he was already bringing me to my knees. I was thankful for his viselike grip around me because I doubted I could stand on my own two feet.

I plant small kisses over every inch of his shoulders and chest I can reach. His fingers gradually working me over. He sinks two fingers inside me and thrusts deep. Those fingers work fast, hitting the bundle of nerves with each stroke until a tremor rakes down my body and I break apart, fall just like he knew I would…

My head sinks onto his shoulder as I come down from that high. Jax gently pulls me into him tighter and we leave the wall by the front door. His lips are intertwined with my own as he lies me gently on my back in the middle of his bed, blanketing my body with his own.

"I want this," Jax whispers into my ear, placing a hand over my heart. For a moment I'm still so lost in my own feelings that I don't realize what he means. "I want this too." He explains, out of breath staring into my eyes in the darkened bedroom. He wants my heart, not just my body. I want to believe him desperately, and I do.

"You have it, Jax. You have all of me. Every part of me."

Jax rears back and slides my panties off then stands up to remove his jeans and boxers. His erection springs free and I swallow the lump in my throat. Good lord, how is that supposed to fit inside of me. The extra large condoms in the night stand don't do him justice.

Jax kisses up my leg tenderly and painfully slowly. Moving past where I want him the most. Then up my thigh. Up my stomach, licking between my breasts and then finally my lips. He places my leg over his hip and reaches over and into the night stand for a condom and puts it on.

After propping himself up on one arm, he pulls my leg over his hip. I place my hands on both sides of his neck and fight the nervous sexual energy humming low within me. This is all so new but so hot that I'm completely utterly lost in it. In him.

"Go slow," I whispered.

"You're so wet, fuck." He lets out a ragged breath, stroking me once again smirking at me squirming under his touch. "Just relax, darling."

I want this. I want him more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. I need him. I need him to relieve the pressure inside me, all the way inside me. The tip of him pushes at my entrance. He's big and at first, my body resists the intrusion. There's a slight pinch of pain as I stretch to accommodate his size.

"Fuck that hurts… Maybe you should stop…" I whisper, not sure I like this anymore. Jax distracts me by kissing me, holding my face with one hand some I'm looking at him and pushes the rest of the way inside of me and I swear to god I see stars.

"You're so tight. You're gonna make me come, darling. Jesus Christ," Jax moans letting his head fall to my shoulder. His hips are still and I can feel how taught his body is. He's trying to be gentle, and that fact along makes me want him more.

"It's okay. I'm okay." I whisper, feeling a bit more comfortable with the hardness between my legs. Jax sucks and nips at my neck.

"I'm gonna start moving now, okay?" He cups my face in his hand and I nod my head.

His jaw flexes and his eyes turn molten like they do. He backs off a little and plunges forward. Going deeper still. I make an unintelligible sound and my back arches. He curses again and cups my breast. Our bodies collide and he pushes himself again until he's seated all the way inside me, and his body becomes flush with my own.

It's like nothing I've ever felt before. After only a few seconds of this, I become someone I never knew I could be. And say things like, "Yes, please. Oh, my God! There, yes."

Bending down, he trails his lips over my neck. Bites my ear. "The sounds you make, darling, are enough to make me come. But this. This is too much. How you feel. You grip me like we were made to be like this. Nothing. . . nothing's ever gonna come close to this. To us.," he says breathlessly. Then he takes my mouth, passionately and aggressively.

When I'm not gasping for breath, I'm crying out his name more times than I can count. Leaning up, I lick the sweat from Jax's chest and circle my tongue around his nipples. My claws rake down his back as he spears himself inside me. Something on the bed cracks behind me and I almost giggle because . . . shit . . . Did we just break the bed? I thought that only happened in movies.

Jax had started out slowly, moving gradually building up to this. Our bodies moving together, feeding off of each other. He slams into me faster and grunts with the effort. His mouth comes to my ear. "Let me see it." He bites my earlobe and mixes all the pleasure he's giving me with a spike of pain.

It only take five more earth shattering strokes for my body to give in to him. Every part of my body locks up, my head kicks back, and I scream. I detonate, and my orgasm sends tremors through every part of me. Jax growls and his head bows forward.

He thrusts all the way in, and a shudder runs through his whole body. Together we break apart. Him right along with me. Warmth hits my womb as Jax's body strings tight. Moments later, as his muscles begin to relax, his arms give out, and he collapses over me, resting his forehead on my shoulder. And our heavy breaths are the only sound to be heard….

 **A/N: Oh my god. So there's that! I hope their time together was good! This was so hard to write! AHHH! I just wanted to let you guys know Rowan will tell Jax about Jerry but all in due time and she will find out about Nevada! :)**

 **There's an outfit guide for this chapter and the last up on Instagram: collins_rowan**

 **You're reviews make my days so much brighter! Thank you lovelies!**


	35. Chapter 35: You're It

**Chapter 35**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

The sound of a ringtone going off nearby blared in my ears; pulling me back to the land of the living. I was lying curled up next to Jax's warm hard body. My face nuzzled against his cheek. I could feel his arm wrapped around me protectively and fought back a grin. I felt completely safe lying here in his arms, I reveled in that. Without opening my eyes I let my hand wonder across his bare chest not wanting to let this moment go just yet.

Last night was… perfect.

A flurry of images from last night flickers in my mind and I can't help but smile inwardly. I never understood what the big hype was about having sex when I was in high school, but now, now I understand. It's completely all consuming. Being that connected to someone in that moment.

Jax pulled my hip over his and rubbed his hand along my thigh gently kneading the skin with his fingers. My muscles felt sore from last night, but I've never felt more relaxed in my life.

He groaned when the phone continued to go off, but made no effort to answer it. Instead he pulled me tighter against his chest and pressed his nose against my own. I slowly opened my eyes one at a time, letting them focus on his beautiful face. If I got to wake up next to this gorgeous man everyday I could die a happy woman. They don't make many men like Jackson Teller. He's a rare oddity.

"Morning, darling." He whispered with a sleepy sexy as hell grin on his face. My stomach fluttered involuntarily. Just at the sound of his husky voice my body was standing at attention. He ran his hand up and down my bare back, letting his fingers just barely graze over my skin. God, the way he said 'darling' with that southern drawl could instantly make heat pool between my thighs.

"Good morning," I whispered, letting my fingers play with the stubble from his beard. He lifted my hand and placed a light kiss on my knuckles. I reminded myself to take mental pictures of him like this to have for a rainy day. I almost wanted to punch myself or slap myself to make sure this was actually real. It wasn't just me fantasizing about him in the office and I'd wake up face down in a puddle of drool at the desk at Teller-Morrow.

The phone stopped ringing only for it to start back up again. Jax groaned rolling his eyes and reached over onto his nightstand and picked it up. Not one bit pleased that he had to take his attention off of me.

We've been wrapped up in our own little perfect bubble since last night and I, like Jax, wasn't ready for that bubble to be burst.

"Hello," he answered with a sigh.

"Do you have any idea what fucking time it is?" He asked, his voice groggy as he turned and looked at the clock on the nightstand. It read 10:45am. "Yeah, well no one should be awake before 6pm…. I'll see you in a bit, Ope." He hung up and let the phone fall to the floor turning his attention back to me.

"Club?" I questioned, wiping some sleep from my eyes. I prayed my breath wasn't awful.

"For once no, just Opie. I was supposed to go over to his house this morning and pick up some more baby shit. He needs help getting stuff out of the shed though. A pack n' play? What the fuck is that?" He explained, staring into my eyes perplexed.

I nodded my head fighting back a laugh. "It's like a traveling crib. In case you need to bring Abel anywhere overnight."

Jax nodded his head, mulling that over in his head. "I'm in way over my head with all this baby shit." He sighed, running a hand down the side of his face. "You'll get the hang of it and learn as you go." I reassured him.

He turned and looked at me. "You okay?" He asked thoughtfully, placing a hand on the side of my cheek, brushing his thumb over my cheekbone gently. His fingers were brushing up and down the side of my arm sending a cool prickling sensation across my skin.

"I'm okay." I smiled. Right now, lying here like this I am better than okay.

"I mean are you okay with everything that happened last night? I didn't hurt you did I?" He clarified, still looking at me with that same look he gave me last night on the porch before we came inside and started ripping each other's clothes off.

I shifted next to him so I could get comfortable and noticed the slight pinch of pain between my legs from the events of last night. It was mostly a soreness, which I felt all over my body.

"You didn't break me." I smiled, shyly.

"I tried to be gentle."

"You were…" I whispered, leaning in and pressing my lips against his. His concern for me sent warmth spreading throughout my chest. "Do you have to leave right now?"

Jax sighed, "If I don't go now he'll just keep calling to fuck with me. Why don't you come with me? I'd love for you to meet Opie and Donna and the kids. They'll love you."

"Okay, sure. I'd love to meet them." I've heard a lot about Opie in our conversations. He was Jax's best friend in high school, they were practically brothers from what I gathered. Kinda like me and Lena. I was honored he wanted me to meet him.

We both drug ourselves out of bed, after making out for another twenty minutes. I pulled on a pair of Jax's sweatpants, which were three sizes two big and made me look like dopey with how long they were on me and one of his oversized SAMCRO shirts.

Jax smirked, sitting on the edge of his bed watching me.

"I'm just gonna grab my bag out of my car really quick." I told him, searching the bedroom floor for my shoes. But they weren't there. Probably because Jax threw them down the hallway.

"I'm gonna get in the shower. Feel free to join me when you come back." He wiggled his eyebrows at me with a cocky grin etched onto his face. I stood in the doorway to his bedroom and watched him in all his glory walk naked into the bathroom.

"Hey, Jax?" I called out, he stuck his head back out the door to look at me a moment later.

"Yeah, darling?"

"I'm really glad that I waited for it to be you." I told him. It was the truth. I wouldn't have wanted my first time to be with anyone but him and I wanted him to know that. I don't know what it meant to him, but it meant everything to me. I hoped it meant something to him.

Jax stared at me for a long while. His adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. "I realize now that I might not have been clear about what I want with you last night. What I want us to be."

My heart practically stopped beating in my chest as those words hit me in the face. His face was unreadable, so I had no idea how I was supposed to take that. Did he regret sleeping with me already? Shit. I shouldn't have said what I just said, should I? Was he just using me? He's a biker I shouldn't have assumed he'd want anything more from me than sex.

But it didn't feel like that with Jax. He wasn't like that was he? I thought I gauged him pretty well. I trusted my instincts. I jumped off the cliff without knowing there would be someone to catch me at the bottom.

"What do you want us to be?" I asked hesitantly, taking a step towards him. I was playing with the lose thread on his white t-shirt I'd put on trying not to look desperate. Trying and failing. Shit.

He walked out of the bathroom, unfortunately with a towel around his waist, and stood in front of me. "It's you. You're it for me, babe. I wanna see where this goes. I didn't give you that necklace for nothing."

I looked down at the necklace hanging around my neck and then back up at him. My fingers wrapped around the bullet on the chain and I let out a breath of air I hadn't realized I'd been holding.

"Is this like the equivalent to the jock giving the girl his letterman jacket in high school so everyone knows they're going steady?" I questioned, with a stupid sheepish grin on my face. Jax chuckled and nodded.

"Only this," he said wrapping his hand over my own holding the bullet, "is so the jerks around the club know that you're off limits."

"Did Jax Teller just ask me to go steady?" I teased, biting my bottom lip slightly. Jax laughed and shook his head, "You're gonna make me say it aren't you?"

"Yes, please!" I grinned standing on my tiptoes. I liked making him step out of his comfort zone, he was completely out of my comfort zone. Something told me he didn't normally voice his emotions this much, but I needed to hear him say it. If only for my own amusement.

He muttered a few curse words under his breath and rolled his eyes, making sure I saw the dramatic effect that he added for my benefit and said, "Will you be my girl?"

"Yes," I said breathlessly. Jax brushed some hair behind my ear and leaned into my ear, his warm breath hitting me. "I'm glad you waited for it to be me too."

He placed his hand on my cheek and pulled me into his lips. My hands ran up his chest taking in every curve and dip of his body, just like they had last night, until they locked around his neck.

Some might say this moved to fast, like possibly my mother. Others might say this could never possibly work between us, because we come from two completely different ends of the spectrum. Jax's world can be dark; at least the parts of it that I've encountered have been, but I'd fight my way through the darkness for him. For us.

"I'll wait for you in the shower." Jax mumbled against my ear before biting it. I nodded, and watched him walk back into the bathroom.

A few moments later I heard the shower turn on. I walked down the hallway in search of my shoes, only to find them strewn about the kitchen. My dress and bra were still lying by the front door. I chuckled to myself as I slipped my shoes on. We were kind of a hot mess last night.

I grabbed my car keys out of my leather jacket pocket on the kitchen floor and headed outside to my car. I'd met Jax here yesterday before we left for our drive. It felt nice to getaway for a few hours and just be in the moment with him.

As I approached my car I noticed the front end was lower to the ground than the rest of the car. I walked around to the driver side and sure enough I had a flat tire. "You've got to be kidding me?" I muttered to no one in particular. I knelt down to inspect the tire to see what I ran over when I noticed that there was a huge gash in the tread. Like someone had slashed my tire.

My hear seized in my chest momentarily as I looked around the neighborhood warily. There's only one person I know that would have slashed my tire. Jerry. That son of a bitch. My car! I wanted to scream. This was my baby, only I could destroy it. First my taillight and now my tire?

I stood up and scanned the cars lining Jax's street, but didn't recognize any of them to be Jerry's. I thought I'd put him in his place, but clearly I haven't. If anything I've pissed him off more.

A sick feeling settled in my stomach as I realized yet again he'd been to Jax's place. I grabbed my bag from the backseat of my car and quickly made it back inside the house. I sat down at the kitchen table and put my face in my hands. He wasn't going to stop harassing me, was he? Not until he got what he wanted which was me. And he's not getting me. Creepy bastard.

I needed help.

I needed to talk to the cops.

But what could they do? I have no actual proof of what he's doing to me? It would be my word against his.

I heard the shower shut off as I got up and walked into Jax's bedroom. I sat my bag down on the edge of his bed and pulled out a pair of black shorts and a red and black plaid button up. Jax walked out of the bathroom wearing a towel around his waist.

"What happened to you? You get lost from here to your car?" He teased, kissing the side of my head as he walked around me towards his dressed.

"No. I'm not that directionally challenged." I shot back, with a smirk over my shoulder. I didn't want to tell him about Jerry. After the incident with the guy at the bar I knew he'd react…well…violently. Not that I wouldn't mind seeing Jerry get knocked on his ass, because I would. I just didn't want anyone to get hurt, mostly Jax. "I actually noticed I have a flat tire. I must have ran over something."

I chewed on the inside of my jaw and watched Jax pull on his shirt and boxers and jeans. My cheeks flushed with heat when his eyes caught mine. "Your kidding me? You got a spare in the trunk?"

"I do."

"Give me your keys and I'll change it while you get dressed." He arched his eyebrow at me, holding out his hand for the keys.

"You already fixed my taillight. You don't have to change my tire. I can do that, you know."

"Oh, I would pay money to see you change a tire. All covered in grease and grime." I rolled my eyes and tossed him the keys. He walked towards me and wrapped his arms around me. "My t-shirts a good look on you." He mumbled against my ear, pressing himself against the back of me.

I looked over my shoulder at him. "Good. Because you're never ever getting it back."

"I don't want it back…" He kissed my cheek and with that he was walking out of the room.

 **A/N: Hiya guys! Sorry I haven't updated in a few days! Sunday was Mother's Day (Happy Late Mother's Day for any of my mommy readers out there! You rock! Moms just rock in general!) so I was a wee bit busy and my grandfather had to go to the hospital. Thankfully he's okay!**

 **This was kind of a small filler chapter. Things will start getting good in terms of drama to even out the mushy stuff so don't worry! Plus OPIE in the next chapter! I love Ope.**

 **Miss-Teller-Ortiz: I love love love your ship name Rax! And just had to tell you! So cute!**

 **QUESTIONS: I've been doing a lot of storyline planning and had some more questions for you!**

 **1\. Would you be opposed to Jax living instead of dying?**

 **2\. I was thinking of having Gemma still attack Rowan like she did Tara. BUT I was going to make her live. Of course she'd be in a coma though for a long while.**

 **3\. This is a long way off but what are some cute baby names you guys can come up with? Lol. Boy or girl! I'm loving Kai Thomas Teller ;) for a boy!**

 **4\. Also, we all know Donna dies but I was considering having Opie hook up with Lena instead of Lyla maybe? I'm not sure about that yet.**

 **I think that's enough questions for now lol**

 **Your reviews are the absolute best part of my days! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Might be a day or two before I get the next update out for this story, I gotta update my Gossip Girl story!**


	36. Chapter 36: Meeting Friends

**Chapter 36**

 **Jax's Point of View**

I grew up believing that there are times in life when you see something so beautiful that it leaves an impression on your soul. Like riding down the coast of California on my bike for the first time. Seeing my newborn son. And seeing the girl you've been fantasizing about having; finally lying next to you naked in your bed, where she belongs. Last night with Rowan was even better than I imagined it would be. My imagination didn't do her justice, at all. Seeing her come undone for me was one of the most beautiful sexy things I've ever witnessed in my entire life. The way we fit together; like a lock and a key was just… Fuck. No one will ever compare to her. Ever. Kissing her. Feeling her skin under my hands. Tasting her. I'll never recover from that.

I finished washing the grease off my hands from changing Rowan's tire in the kitchen sink and shut off the water and searched for a dish towel to dry my hands. This was my fucking house, but I still didn't know where anything was since I let Wendy live here. She moved everything around, probably when she was whacked out on crank. I rolled my eyes thinking about her and that whole situation. I found a dish towel in the drawer by the stove and dried my hands then tossed it on the counter by the sink.

I turned around and caught a glimpse of Rowan in my room down the hall; she was on her cell with someone talking. She had a pair of black cut off shorts on that hugged her hips perfectly. She was buttoning her shirt up and I caught sight of the peach colored lacy bra she had on underneath. I felt myself grip the counter I was leaning against tighter; my dick was already hard for her. Fuck. Everything in me wanted to go in there and take those clothes right back off.

She walked back into the bathroom, out of sight, and I felt a twinge of disappoint wash over me. I could watch her for hours. Not in a creepy way. I just liked watching her be. This fucking girl has the power to destroy me and she doesn't even know it. I told myself don't get attached, but it's to late. I'm so far gone there's no turning back now. If she were to leave me like Tara did I don't think I could ever come back from that. When Tara bailed on me it hurt like hell, but somehow I got over it. I made my peace with it a long time ago and washed my hands of her.

We never truly clicked together. Nor did I click with Wendy either. It seemed like I always found the women that were alright for the time being, but not for the long haul.

But Rowan? There's something about her that's clicked with me. I don't know if it's her honesty or her innocence, but I'm pulled to her.

If I lost her I think the word 'destroyed' would take on a whole new meaning.

The moment I ran into her that day at the diner and she looked at me, her eyes gutted me. I knew then I wanted to see those beautiful eyes of hers everyday; that I'd do anything to see those beautiful eyes, everyday.

"I'm sorry, I'm taking forever!" Rowan said flustered a bit, as she hobbled down the hallway attempting to pull on her black KEDS sort of falling over in the process.

I chuckled watching her and crossed my arms over my chest.

"You're fine, darling. Perfection takes time." I winked at her. She rolled her eyes and walked towards me. Her damp hair was braided down the left side of her face, only a few tendrils of blonde fell loosely around.

I swore if looked up perfection in the dictionary there would be a picture of her write next to it.

"Tires all changed." I told her reaching out to take her hand in mine. A strange look formed on her face for an instant and then it was gone. "Thank you for changing it."

"You can pay me later for my services rendered." I smirked, pulling her into my chest. I let go of her hand and gripped her hips. Her hands rested on my chest. Little zings of pleasure shot through my body like rockets.

"Hmm… Do you take ?" She questioned with a grin on her lips. I shook my head, slipping my hands underneath her shirt and up her back gently. Her back arched in response. "Visa? MasterCard?"

"Nope. I think you already know the only method of payment I'll accept." I whispered seductively into her ear, then nibbled on the bottom of her earlobe. She turned her head towards mine and our noses brushed against each other.

Thoughts of bending her over the kitchen table flooded my mind. I didn't want to do that though. I mean I did, but I didn't want to push her too far. I already felt like I sort of did last night. Rowan didn't peg me to be the kind of girl to do anything she didn't want to do though and I liked that about her. She was willing to push me out of my comfort zone and make me do things I wouldn't normally do. Like watch Finding Nemo… I can't believe I watched that damn movie about fish.

"Who were you on the phone with in there?" I asked trying to distract myself from the inappropriate thoughts running rampant in my head.

"I called my mom to check in. She sounded really groggy. I told her I was going with you somewhere and then I'd be by to see her before I have to leave and help your mom set up for that Taste of Charming thing at the high school."

"I didn't know you were helping her set up for that." I said, grabbing her hand letting our fingers intertwine together. I led us out of the house, stopping only to lock the door.

"I had a text from your mom this morning. She wants help setting up tables at her booth. So I told her I'd help.." We walked down the path towards the driveway towards my truck.

Rowan stopped to get her purse out of her car as I got in my truck. I stared at her destroyed tire that I leaned up against the garage. She said she ran over something, but the gash on the tire was too clean. Almost deliberate even. If she'd ran over something it would have left a curved gash or the damn tire would have blew out. There was no damage to the rim either or sidewall. There was something off about it and the way she reacted to it all that didn't sit well with me.

I got the feeling she was keeping something from me, but couldn't possibly figure out what it could be. I made a mental note to question her about it later.

Rowan climbed into the cab of my truck as I put the keys in the ignition. "You and my mom have gotten pretty chummy lately." I backed out of the driveway onto the street and headed towards Opie's house. It was only a fifteen minute ride from mine.

"Is that a problem? Is she going to spill any dirty secrets about you or tell me any embarrassing stories you don't want me to know?" Rowan glanced at me before reaching down and picking up the binder of CD's lying on the floorboard by her feet.

"No, it's good. And I'm an open book." My mom could be a bitch when she wanted to be. I knew that, hell the whole club knew that. She could probably make satan retreat from hell if she tried. I just didn't want her planting any bugs in Rowan's ear or starting any fires that I couldn't put out.

In other words I didn't want her to scare her off before I could see where this was gonna go between us.

"Gemma's not all bad." Rowan said after a moment, surprising the hell out of me.

I snorted. "You haven't known her long enough, give it time." I chuckled only to be slapped in the arm playfully.

"That's your mom! Watch it! I'll tell her you said that." She threatened, pointing her finger at me.

"You wouldn't dare." I glanced at her, reaching over and pinching her thigh. She squealed laughing and pushed my hand away.

We came to a red light giving me time to stare at her with a devilish smirk. I placed my hand on her thigh and noticed she clenched her legs together. I slid my hand up her thigh slowly and gently moving it towards the very heart of her. She lifted her foot up off the floor board nervously watching me.

Someone honked their horn behind me startling the both of us. "The lights green. Green means go."

I glanced both ways and gassed it, never taking my hand off of her thigh. I turned my attention back to her only for her to playfully turn my head so it was looking straight ahead. "Keep your eyes on the road, won't you?" She flashed a smile. "I like it when I get places without dying thank you very much."

I chuckled squeezing her leg gently. She reached over and turned on the radio. Some country song flitted through the speakers of the truck. I reached over to change it and felt her hand clamp around my wrist. "No, don't change it I love this song!" She looked at me wide eyed. "I love Florida Georgia Line!"

"It's country. I hate country music."

"Bite your tongue!"

I chuckled. "Then why did you have it on a country radio station?" She questioned. I put my hand back on her leg and felt her running her fingers over the rings on my fingers.

"Alright, fine, Nancy Drew you caught me. I like old country. The greats. Not this pop bullshit."

"Okay, I agree with you, Willie Nelson is and will always be one of my musical idols, but there's nothing wrong with a little bit of a newer sound. Just listen." She reached over and turned the volume up a little bit more.

 _I've been given, a piece of heaven_

 _Yeah you're my angel, you're my angel tonight_

 _I'm feeling her with a breath on the sky_

 _Pretty girl I'm gonna make you fly_

 _See I was burning but you saved my life_

 _You're my angel, you're my angel tonight_

As I listened to the song I kept stealing glances over at Rowan as I drove. She was singing along to the song leafing through the binder of CDs resting on her lap. The more I listened to the song and listened to her sweet voice as she sang along the more I thought she really was an angel. It's like the man upstairs specifically made her for me.

 _Yeah I'm never gonna let you down (i got you baby)_

 _I just gotta tell you now (cause my heart can't wait girl)_

 _You're my angel, you're my angel tonight_

I was in complete awe watching her out of the corner of my eye. She sang along with the song and did the back up vocals as well. I chuckled at that. Her foot tapped with the beat and her body moved as much as it could sitting in the seat. I think this shitty band just became my favorite too.

 **Rowan's Point of View**

We turned down a very familiar street and pulled into Opie's driveway. So it was Opie Jax was meeting the night of the warehouse incident. I didn't have it in me to tell him I'd followed him here that night. Jax shut off the truck and squeezed my thigh gently giving me a wink before he got out of the truck. I followed suit and met him at the front of the truck.

Opie lived in a nice rural suburban neighborhood, much like the one Jax lived in. The house was a brick rancher with black shutters. Two kids bikes were lying in the freshly mown grass in the front yard.

We walked up the driveway hand in hand towards the chain link fence and cut through to the back yard. A guy wearing a cut and beanie on his head walked out of the white shed up ahead carrying a box. This must be Opie? He was taller than Jax by a few inches and had a nice duck dynasty kind of bearded look going for him.

"Oh yeah, just like you to show up after all the works done." He grunted, sitting the box down next to a few others lining the shed. He turned and slapped Jax on the hand and gave me a small smile.

"What's up, man." Jax chuckled. "Nothing, busting my balls getting this shit outta here for you."

"Don't listen to him! He just started." A woman's voice called out from behind. I peered over my shoulder to see a petite brunette walking out onto the patio. She walked over towards the shed to join us.

"Guys this is Rowan. Rowan this is Opie and his wife Donna. Their kids are probably inside burning the house down.." Jax introduced us with a smirk.. I smiled and laughed, shaking their hands. Which was probably a bit formal, but that's just how I grew up. When I met someone new my mom always made me shake their hand. "It's really nice to meet you guys."

"She's polite. I like this one." Donna grinned, shocked. I guess she wasn't used to that. If she had to deal with the croweaters at the club I didn't blame her for being surprised.

"You must be what's had him tied up all morning." Opie said, glancing at Jax and then me. "I've heard a lot about you. It's good to finally put a face to the name."

Jax glared at him, rolling his eyes. "More like all night." He grinned. I felt heat rush to my cheeks and slapped him on the shoulder. He rubbed his arm like I really did some serious damage. Jax laughed and slipped his arm around my waist pulling me into his side.

Opie kept staring at me like he was lost in thought. "Is your last name Collins?" He questioned over his shoulder as he pushed the shed doors open a bit more revealing a maze of crap piled inside.

"Yeah, it is." I replied. Opie turned and smirked at me. "I knew I recognized your name when Jax told me about you. You and some other chick are legends at the high school."

"Wait, what?" Jax looked confused. I smiled and looked at the ground already knowing where Opie was going with this.

"It was right after we dropped out. There was some chick that went toe to toe with The Helter Skelter." Opie started to explain, I couldn't help but laugh at the nickname for my high school science teacher. Her name was Miss. Skelter, but everyone always called her The Helter Skelter because she was a rolling disaster; she was a very crotchety old woman who didn't take any nonsense from anyone. "Apparently these two chicks didn't want to dissect the live frogs in class so the let them all loose in the school. I think it was like, what, 150 frogs in total?"

"174 to be exact." I corrected him, hiding the smile on my face behind my hand. Jax was staring at me and shaking his head, a smile forming on his lips. "It was animal cruelty, okay? Lena and I just wanted to send The Helter Skelter a message and it got out of hand. She's the one that left the keys to her classroom lying on her desk. She was practically begging Lena and I to come back later that night and set them free."

"Hold up, you broke into the school to set a bunch of amphibians free?" Jax arched his eyebrow at me. "You've been keeping a rap sheet from me."

"Guilty." Jax and Opie started pulling things out of the shed and setting them in the yard so they could get to the things they needed to get to.

"The best part is they had to call animal control to get all the frogs out of the school, but there's still one that roams the halls. Or so the legend goes." Opie continued, talking over his shoulder.

"Did you get caught?" Donna asked with a chuckle. Amusement sparkled in her eyes. "No." I laughed. "They couldn't prove who did it."

"You do know breaking and entering is a crime, right?" Jax said, walking towards me. He placed his hands on my hips and gave me a pointed look. Right, like he's opposed to breaking and entering. No way. "I never said I was perfect." I grinned, as he leaned in an kissed me on the lips.

"Hey, least she made a stand for something with her incident. You two dumbasses cherry bombed Mr. Graves car and mailbox just because you were wasted and bored." Donna pointed out, coming to my defense, pointing at Jax and Opie. Opie grinned and shook his head laughing, "Good times."

"He was a dick." Jax muttered. Vivid images of a younger version of Jax and Opie flashed in my mind making me smile. The hell they must have raised… Jax was a few years older than me, so our paths never crossed in high school. Plus, he dropped out. I wish I would have known him back then.

The sun was beating down from the sky making it actually a bit warm. I was glad I decided to wear shorts today. A light sheen of sweat was forming on the back of my neck as I stood here. Jax removed his black t-shirt and slung it over my shoulder. It was a little wet from where he'd been sweating and smelled like pure Jax. "Hold that for me?" His chest was covered in a light sheen of sweat and I couldn't help but stare at him for a brief moment. "It's all wet and sweaty!"

"I thought you liked getting all wet and sweaty." He whispered in my ear as he walked past me to go help Opie lift the pack and play out of the shed. I grabbed his t-shirt and rolled it up and attempted to snap it at his butt quickly, but missed.

Donna and I both laughed. "You're gonna pay for that later!" Jax said over his shoulder as he and Opie set the pack and play down on the ground. They struggled a bit pulling the pack and play out and ended up knocking over a toolbox.

"How the hell did you get that thing in there?" Opie asked Donna.

"By myself!" She shrugged.

"This is really nice. You sure you guys wanna get rid of it?" Jax asked, inspecting the pack and play. It was blue and had tiny green elephants on it. It looked like it had hardly been used.

"Yeah, it's just collecting dust in there. You should get some good use out of it with Abel." Donna reassured him.

"How much?" Jax reached into his pocket and pulled out a wad of cash. Where the hell that money came from I had no clue.

"No, man. It's a gift." Opie said resting his hands on his knees. "Yeah, we can't take your money.." Donna started to say. Jax shook his head and slipped a $100 dollar bill in her hand when Opie went back into the shed. "I'm the one getting a deal here. Take it."

Donna smiled appreciatively and kissed him on the cheek. "Oh, I brought down two boxes of baby clothes from the attic that you can pick through. Rowan will you give me a hand?"

I nodded my head. "Sure."

I followed Donna into the house through the patio.

"Jax mentioned you're a nurse?" Donna mentioned over her shoulder as we walked through the kitchen.

"Planning on being a nurse. I'd love to work in the Emergency Room when it's all said and done. I'm not quite finished school yet. I had to take a break when my mom got sick." Donna paused in the living room and turned to look at me. "Cancer." I filled her in before she even had to ask.

"I'm so sorry. That is a terrible thing for someone to go through. My mom passed away a few years back from ovarian cancer." She gave me a weak smile. The pain of it all still evident on her face. I wondered if something like that would always hurt. I imagined it would. I wasn't prepared for that kind of pain.

"I'm sorry for you too."

"So an ER nurse? That's exciting. Jax definitely has a type doesn't he." She chuckled, then stopped herself. I put the pieces to that puzzle together. Tara was a doctor…. "Sorry, I didn't mean it that way."

"No, no it's okay! After I finished getting my EMT certification I knew the ER was where I wanted to be, all the action happens there!" I laughed, not taking offense. "She really did a number on him didn't she?" I asked after a few moments, curious to learn a bit more about Jax and Tara.

We walked up a flight of stairs and stopped in front of two medium sized boxes sitting in the hallway. I heard laughter coming from one of the bedrooms down the hall.

"You have no idea." Donna replied, handing me one of the boxes. "That's all water under the bridge though. It takes a certain kind of woman to handle the club life and Tara, well, couldn't. She never wanted to know what went on but at the same time she wanted to stick her nose in everything. It just didn't work."

I nodded and followed her down the stairs after she picked up her box. "You seem like you really like Jax and he seems happy with you."

"I do." I answered. We rested the boxes on the counter in the kitchen and looked at each other.

"I've never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you. You've got something with him. Make sure you hold on to it because those bitches at the club, they'll do anything they can to screw things up. I learned that the hard way."

"Yeah, I'm still learning the ropes." I said, thinking back to what Gemma said about them constantly being surrounded by women when on runs and at the club.

"You'll get the hang of it if he's worth it to you." Donna smiled, causing me to smile back at her…

 **Jax's Point of View**

"You still going to Stockton to see Otto with Clay today?" Opie asked, as I lit a cigarette, pulling the smoke deep in my lungs.

I nodded my head. "Yeah, something about locking down some temporary protection for a friend of his on the inside who's getting out."

Opie nodded in understanding. He wasn't exactly fully back in the loop with things since he got out of Chino a while back. He did time for the club and it really put a strain on him and Donna while he was on the inside. Now that he's out he's struggling to find his place within the club again.

"So the girl?" Opie gestures towards the house, "You just screwing around or you see it going somewhere?" I took another drag off my cigarette.

"I don't know, man. I'm hoping it goes somewhere." I shrugged my shoulders and took another long pull off my cigarette. "Why?"

"Oh, no reason. I just think you've met your wife." He tossed me a cocky ass grin.

"Shut the fuck up."

"I'm serious. I'm dead fucking serious. I can tell from the way you're looking at her that she's gonna be your wife. You don't believe me that's fine." He shot at me. I flipped him the finger just as the girls came walking outside carrying two boxes. They were laughing about something. I was glad they were hitting it off. I already figured they would; Donna was a sweet girl that loved Opie. She was nothing like those bitches at the club. Just like Rowan.

The thought of Rowan being my wife actually didn't sound that bad. Even though we were nowhere near that. I actually liked the idea of it though not that I'd let Opie know that though.

"You boys out here talking about us?" Donna grinned as she sidled up next to Opie. He took the box from her and I took the box from Rowan.

"You know it." Opie grinned.

"We better get this shit loaded. I'll see you guys at the fundraiser thing, right?"

"That taste of Charming thing?" Donna questioned, looking at Opie a bit confused. Rowan swatted a bug off her leg causing her arm to brush against mine.

"Yeah, it's not a club thing, Donna." Ope told her. Ever since Ope went to Chino Donna hasn't looked at the club the same. I guess five years apart really isn't good on a marriage. I felt for Ope, I really did. He didn't even deserve to go to jail. It was that asshat Kyle's fault he'd even got caught that night because the asshole pussied out and bailed on being Opes get away driver.

"I'm doing the fireworks." He explained to her some more. "Oh, well we'll see you guys there then." She replied curtly, an uneasy look swam across her face.

Ope helped Rowan and I get the stuff loaded in the back of the truck and we headed back to the house to drop it off.

 **A/N: Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews! You guys are to sweet! Thank you for answering all my questions too! :)**


	37. Chapter 37: It Starts With Giving Back

**Chapter 37**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

After leaving Opie's, Jax and I took the stuff they'd given him back to his place and we went our separate ways for the day. I had to go help Gemma set up her booth at the high school and he had to go see a friend up at Stockton State Penitentiary with Clay. Some guy named Otto. I didn't ask any questions about why or what was going on and Jax didn't give me anything to go on. It wasn't really my business anyway. We made plans to see each other later at St. Thomas.

I was standing in between Gemma and her friend Luanne whom I'd met at dinner a few weeks back, opening paper plate bowls and stacking them next to the crock pot sitting on the table. Apparently this year the SAMCRO booth was selling Gemma's home-cooked chili. I glanced around hesitantly watching other people set up their game booths and other food booths looking for that one prick I didn't want to run into. I hadn't been followed here, which was a bit of a relief after finding my tire slashed this morning.

Jax and I were officially together now and I couldn't be happier about that, but I also felt this sickening feeling growing in my stomach every time he looked at me with those piercing blue eyes of his. I was lying to him about Jerry and what's going on. I even wondered if I was lying to myself too. What if I can't handle being with Jax? What if the club and this life is just completely out of my league? What if I'm not good enough and he finds someone better? What if I end up getting my heart broken?

All of these doubts and what ifs were poisoning my mind. Heartbreak is inevitable no matter who you're with. But I truly believe that Jax is worth the risk. This thing with Jerry is just making me paranoid on all fronts.

"Tell everyone to leave room for the buses." Gemma instructed Luanne tossing some plastic into the trash bins we'd set up behind us.

"Who we bussing?" She asked, as I spotted Chief Unser across the court yard talking to a few officers setting up the Charming PD's booth. From the looks of it they were going to be grilling this year.

I opened a few table cloths and spread them out over the tables in the grass in front of Gemma's booth. Unser spotted me and waved; I smiled and waved back at him. It had been a while since I'd last seen him at the hospital.

"Oakdale Assisted Living. Seniors are all compulsive gamblers. Triples our raffle dollars." Gemma said, giving Luanne a coy smile. Conning old people out of their money. Classy. Although sort of genius. My grandma on my mothers side was a stickler for buying scratch off tickets before she passed away. She'd blow hundreds of dollars on them and wouldn't win a damn dime. We found tons of them stashed in bags in her basement when my mom and I cleaned it out. Why she hoarded them I'll never know.

Thinking about my grandma made me wonder what Deacons parents were like. Did I have more relatives I didn't know anything about? I made a mental sticky note in my brain to grill the old man about it later. Old man? Man, that's still so weird to even think about. I'm not sure if I'll ever be comfortable calling him dad.

"God bless Social Security." I blurted out causing Luanne to chuckle. I thought I spotted a smile forming on Gemma's face but couldn't exactly be sure. Sometimes I wondered if she was afraid to smile, like maybe she thought her face would freeze that way.

I was finishing up placing the last table cloth on the picnic table furthest from the booth when I felt someone tap me on the shoulder. I jumped, startled and turned to see Gemma standing behind me. "Jesus. Have you ever considered wearing a cat bell? You've got to stop sneaking up on people like that."

"Real cute," Gemma rolled her eyes, then stared at me pointedly. "I noticed you're carrying the handgun I gave you. That's good." She said in a low voice as I glanced over my shoulder to see my bag sitting on the table by the crock pot where I hadn't left it. I'd placed it underneath the table in the grass out of the way.

"You went through my bag?" I glared at her crossing my arms over my chest.

"I'm very observant."

"So you observantly went through my bag then?" If I went through her bag, I think I'd have a size nine heel up my ass at the moment.

Gemma was about to say something snarky in response to my comment when a woman with short brunette hair approached us. She was older around Gemma's age perhaps. Definitely a mom.

"Hey, April." Gemma said, giving her a curt smile. "Thanks for coming by and helping out."

"Oh, it's no problem. Can I ask you something?" April questioned, squinting in the sunlight to look at Gemma. I glanced over towards Unser involuntarily. Everything in me wanted to do something to make Jerry back off. But I was at a loss for what I could do. Talking to the cops wasn't something I wanted to have to do.

But as much as I didn't want to admit it, I think it's coming to that.

"What's up?" Gemma said, intrigued.

"Charlie's band's playing during the fireworks tomorrow night. He really wants his dad to come." April started to explain. She glanced down at her palms and back up at Gemma.

"Shit, April, I don't think Clay is going to go for that." Gemma shook her and let out a breath.

"I would never ask anything like this. Me and you, we understand what went down, but my kid. Charlie doesn't know. It breaks his heart that his dad can't come to anything around here. No baseball games, no school stuff." April went on, a slight crack in her voice. Geez. What the hell did her husband do to piss of Clay so badly he can't show his face in Charming?

Gemma raised a hand, silencing April. "All right, all right, all right. I'll bring it up to Clay. But I can't promise you anything."

"Thank you." April smiled, grateful. She gave me a small smile and nod of the head before walking off.

Gemma sighed as she lit up a cigarette. She took a few long drags off of it before glancing at me.

"What's the story with that?" I questioned out of curiosity. I slipped my hands into the backs of my pockets and looked at Gemma.

"Her old mans the reason Opie went to jail for five years. Bastard Kyle left Opie high and dry on a job when he heard sirens. He's excommunicated. Him keeping his distance is for his own safety." Gemma explained as she sat down at one of the picnic tables. I'm guessing excommunicated means Kyle was kicked out of SAMCRO.

"Jesus," I muttered shaking my head. "I met Opie this morning." Jax had told me Opie had just gotten out of jail a few weeks ago. He never told me what for though.

"Oh really?" Gemma's eyebrow arched.

I nodded. "Jax had to pick up some stuff for Abel this morning and he asked me to meet him."

"This morning? Meaning you spent the night at Jax's?" Gemma grilled me. I scratched the back of my neck and then gathered up the trash from the packets of table clothes that I'd opened feeling like I'd just stepped into a land mine. "You and Jax have been getting pretty cozy with each other lately. Long day rides and dinners at his place. Where you two headed with all that?"

I felt like I was on trial here. I half laughed nervously and looked over my shoulder at Gemma as I tossed something into the trash bin. "We're seeing where things go."

Gemma nodded her head, mulling that over. She stood up and walked towards me. "And does Jax know your packing a handgun that I gave you? Or the reason why you might need one?"

"No. And I'd like to keep it that way." I replied sternly.

Gemma nodded her head, accepting that.

"My son is in a really odd place right now. He's got a lot of weight on his shoulders with a newborn son and the club." Gemma said, eyeing me suspiciously the entire time. "Those two things will never disappear. Can you handle that?"

"I guess we will find out." I said honestly.

"No, sweetheart. There ain't no guessing. You're either in or your out. Jax's heart has already been broken once. I won't let it happen again."

She patted me on the shoulder before walking back behind the booth again to continuing setting things up.

I wanted things between Jax and I to work. But I'm still learning how I fit into the SAMCRO world.

I spotted Unser walking away from his booth out of the corner of my eye and felt my feet moving before I even knew what was going on. I jogged across the court yard to catch up with him as he walked towards the parking lot where his cruiser sat waiting for him. "Hey Unser!" I called out, slowing down to a walk.

"Hey there, sweetheart." He gave me a smile turning to face me. His eyes wrinkled when he smiled.

"How are you? How's Della?" I asked, stopping in front of him and placing my hands on my hips. I was a little out of breath from running. Haven't done that in a while.

"I'm still kicking. Della is Della, she's alright. Up at her momma's for the weekend." He replied, jangling the keys to his cruiser in his hands. He seemed a little off at the mention of his wife which I found odd. He always loved to talk about her with my mom during treatments.

"I dropped by an saw your momma the other day. She told me she stopped treatments. I'm real sorry, darling." Unser patted my shoulder lightly.

"Me too."

"You let me know if you need anything." Unser gave me a stern look. He was a very sweet old man that I'd come to care for a lot. He reminded me a lot of my grandfather. In the way that he spoke and carried himself.

"Well actually that's kinda why I'm over here. I have a question for you from a friend." I lied, trying to go about this in a round about way.

"Okay shoot."

"My friend is having some issues with this guy. He's made it clear that he's interested in her but she's not interested in him at all. Like at ALL. And he's started to stalk her a bit I guess you could say." I started to explain things slowly. I chewed on the inside of my lip and shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other.

I hated lying. I wasn't good at it.

"What do you mean a bit?" Unser pried, curiously..

"He's been following her. Watching her. Leaving things on her car and slashed her tire here recently." I opened up a bit feeling my chest constrict. I glanced around the parking lot warily and discreetly feeling very exposed standing here talking to Unser.

"Well, my advice to your 'friend' would be to come down to the station and fill out a police report and we'll get started on getting this 'friend' a protective order." Unser replied, looking at me suspiciously. A protection order? What good is that going to do? It'll be like a restraining order.

"What would that do exactly?" I questioned.

"Well the guy with be served with the protective order and if he comes near her, she calls us and we lock him up." Unser explained. The radio inside the car crackled and a few officers talked in codes.

"Wouldn't he just get bailed out of jail though?"

"Possibly." And that would probably just piss him off more. What's a little piece of paper going to do? I can throw it in his face? Something tells me a protective order isn't going to make Jerry back off.

I ran a hand down the side of my face, shaking my head. "Okay, well I won't hold you up, I will let her know what you said though. Thanks Unser." I gave him a kiss on the cheek and then started to walk backwards away from him.

"Sure thing, and darling if this friend of yours turns out to be you, don't hesitate coming down to the station. You hear me?" He said, before getting into his car. He stared at me with concern etched onto his features.

I saluted him with a weak smile. I'm so screwed…

 **A/N: Hiya guys! This was just a small filler chapter! Sorry it took so long! I've had some family matters to deal with and I actually got a smal gig creating a logo for my Uncle!**

 **I just wanted to say thank you so much for all the reviews and comments! It's what keeps me going! I know the site has been acting weird and it's not displaying your reviews but I am getting email notifications for them and the counter on the story is going up so when the site gets fixed they'll show up!**

 **BUT I AM STILL SEEING AND LOVING YOUR REVIEWS! :)**


	38. Chapter 38: ATF

**Chapter 38**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

The end credits of the movie my mom and I had been watching played illuminating the dark hospital room. I glanced over my laptop screen to see her eyes closed. She'd dozed off about half way through the movie. I smiled inwardly because for once she looked peaceful lying there. I wondered if that's what dying would feel like? Peace. For her sake I hoped it would. Shaking my head I reigned in my faltering emotions and opened the CD drive on my laptop and pulled out the disc I'd just burned. I slipped it back into its case and wrote 'Jax' on the slip cover.

To keep my mind occupied I decided to make Jax a mix CD of newer country songs that I thought ranked with some of the older greatest hits. A little Tim McGraw. Some Florida Georgia Line. Brett Eldridge and Thomas Rhett among others. I even tossed in a Taylor Swift song just to mess with him. It was totally cheesy and one of the stupidest things I've ever done; but I was desperate for the distraction. If Lena knew I made the guy I'm seeing a mix tape she would probably disown me as a best friend.

I sat my laptop down on the chair as I stood up quietly, making sure I didn't tangle myself up in the power cord and wake my mother up. I checked my phone to see I had a new text message from Jax. My heart skipped a beat as I opened it. Abel wants to see you… it read. I smiled liked an idiot and slipped my phone into my back pocket. I never thought I'd be that girl that smiled like a moron at her phone when she got a text from a guy, but yet here we are. Honestly I didn't care. Jax was the one decent thing to happen to me in a long time; I might as well let myself enjoy it. Him. Us. At least the possibility of an us.

I grabbed the tattered giraffe stuffed animal I picked up when I stopped by the house earlier to do laundry out of my bag and crept out of my room and headed towards the NICU. "It's time to hand you off to a new generation little guy." I told the stuffed animal once I was tucked inside the elevator; thankfully alone. I've the old thing since I was a baby. I honestly for the life of me can't even remember who gave it to me. It was always just there. I thought Abel might like it since it was just collecting dust in my room. "And I just talked to a stuffed animal…" I shook my head as the doors glided open and stepped out.

I made my way down a few hallways and smiled when I saw Jax in Abel's room. The door was open just ajar and I could see him sitting in the chair beside his incubator holding a book in his hand. I crept closer not wanting to disrupt the moment between them and stood just outside the door momentarily.

"As I ride along, I hear a great sound. What could it be? What could it be? It's a merry-go-round." Jax read aloud from the book. My heart swelled instantaneously. Who knew reading could be sexy as hell. I bite my lip and snuck in the room behind Jax. He chuckled to himself. "I'm sorry, little man. I'm not as good at this as grandma."

"I think you did pretty good. Although, I'm sure Abel would have liked some cute little voices." Jax turned around in his chair and smiled at me. He rolled his eyes and closed the book standing up to greet me. I tucked the giraffe and CD behind my back. "How's the little guy?"

"Probably wishing he were deaf so he didn't have to hear me read that." Jax chuckled, walking towards me. Each step making my heart go into a beating frenzy. If I were hooked up to Abel's heart monitor it would be going nuts right about now.

"What do you got back there?" He gestured towards my hands behind my back as he slipped his hands around my waist pulling me closer into him.

"I come baring gifts, one for Abel," I revealed the giraffe stuffed animal, shaking it making the arms move. Jax smiled taking it from me. "It was mine. I've had it since I was a baby. I thought he might get better use out of it than me." He sat it on top of Abel's incubator so he could see it when he opened his eyes. "You didn't have to do that, Ro. But thank you."

"And this is for you." I handed him the CD already feeling stupid for doing this. My cheeks heated up as he stared down at it.

"You made me a mix CD?" He arched an eyebrow.

"I know it's totally high school and cliché but I had some free time and wanted to do it. It's the newest country hits. I'll make a fan of you yet! Don't read to much into it though." I played coy. I glanced up at him with a smirk before stepping around him to get a better look at Abel.

Abel was sound asleep in his little toaster as Jax calls it. All warm and snuggly. And safe. I had to fight the urge to climb inside there with him. I yearned to be that little again. No worries. No bills. No life threatening diseases like cancer. No stalkers. No Deacons.

I felt Jax behind me. His hand on my hip and his warmth pressed against my back. He kissed the back of my shoulder gently. Even through my shirt it sent shivers down my spine. "Thank you," he whispered into my ear, holding the CD in front of me. "I've never had anyone do anything this cliché for me." He smirked, leaning in to kiss me.

Our lips met briefly and he drew back with a tender smile, but I wanted more of this sweet madness. Our noses brushed against each other as we took a breath and then I pressed my lips to his again. He slowly sat the CD down on the table beside him and then held my face in his hand gripping my hip tighter with the other one. I closed my eyes and let him take as much of me as he wanted. Our tongues met and drew back and met again. Warmth pooled between my thighs as chills rolled across my skin in waves. Whenever we were like this I felt alive. It was like every nerve ending in my body had been awakened from a deep sleep and they were buzzing with energy.

I wanted to continue this but knew if we stayed like this much longer we'd be in a lot of trouble. I could already feel his hard on pressing against me only making me want him that much more. It was surprisingly satisfying to know that I made him react that way. It was a definite confidence booster. I pulled back slightly opening my eyes, only for Jax to nip at my lip, pulling it between his teeth sending a shot of pleasure straight through me. I laughed letting him deepen the kiss one more time. I caught sight of a figure out of the corner of my eye in the window to Abel's room and turned my head causing Jax to kiss my cheek.

My entire body tensed at the sight of Jerry standing outside of Abel's room. I froze staring at him. He wasn't looking at me though, he was looking down at Abel. "Who the hell is that?" Jax mumbled, stepping away from me slightly.

The cheesy chicken penne I ate for dinner threatened to make appearance. "You know that guy?" Jax questioned noticing my sudden change of demeanor. Jerry's eyes met mine briefly through the window and I felt paralyzed. He's stare was menacing if only for an instant. It was like he was challenging me to say something. To rat him out.

"No," I shrugged blowing it off, clenching and unclenching my fists at my sides. Everything in me wanted to tell Jax everything. But my brain was having trouble forming coherent sentences.

Without a word Jax stepped out into the hallway.

My heart ceased in my chest as the two of them spoke momentarily. I couldn't hear what they were saying because Jax closed the door on his way out. Why the hell is here? Why is he doing this? I wanted answers. But most of all I wanted it to stop. This sick twisted little game that he was getting off on was getting old. Rage and fear mixed together like the perfect cocktail coursed through my veins.

Jerry glanced back at me through the window as Jax walked back into the room, giving me a smirk before walking away.

"You okay, darling?" Jax asked, snapping me back into reality by placing a hand on my cheek.

"W-what did he want? That guy?" I stuttered out.

"I don't know," Jax shrugged, "said he was just admiring Abel." Disbelief was evident in his voice. Admiring Abel, yeah, I wish that was just the case. More like he was enjoying the show we put on for him making out.

"You sure you're okay? You look really pale." Jax brushed his thumb over my cheek. I mustered up a smile and nodded. "I'm fine. Actually, I just remembered I was supposed to get my mom a Jello from the cafeteria and I completely blanked. I'll be right back." I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him on the cheek before flying out of the room before he could protest.

I went down the hall Jerry went down in search for him. My pulse raced as I rounded a corner, practically getting clipped by a nurse pushing a cart. I spotted Jerry at the end of the hallway and picked up the pace. I walked up behind him and grabbed the side of his jacket causing him to spin in my direction.

"Stay the hell away from Abel!" I was fuming. I was also scared to death, but also completely enraged. I tapped into my anger verse my fear and went with it.

Jerry feigned shock as he stared back at me, his eyes lingering on me in places longer than need be. If I could puke on command I'd do it right now. "He's a beautiful baby boy. To bad he'll end up just like his father."

"Stay the hell away from me! Stay away from Jax! I talked to the cops and I have a protective order! If you come near me again I'll call the cops!" I seethed.

Jerry grimaced shaking his head. A few nurses rushed down the hall forcing Jerry to step into me shoving me against the wall. To anyone walking by it looked like we were just having an intimate conversation, but for me it was enough to make my skin literally crawl off my bones. His breath smelled like he drank enough alcohol for a year. He placed a hand on the wall over my head and leaned down into my ear. "You don't have shit."

"Besides, my federal jurisdiction takes precedence over any state-ordered mandate." He said, calmly. Did he just say federal? I scoffed, attempting to push him away. He placed his hand on my stomach and pushed me back against the wall gently.

"Federal my ass!" I shoved his hand off my stomach. He reached inside his jacket pocket and pulled out a black wallet and opened it up, revealing a badge. "ATF, sweetheart. I'm working a interstate weapons charge and the SONS are involved. You sure you wanna end up on the wrong side of this? I'd hate to see you lose your mom and go to jail for being involved with the likes of Jackson Teller."

I shoved him back again and got away from the wall, taking steps away from him. He's an ATF Agent? How is that even possible? He doesn't look smart enough to be a fucking Federal agent. This guy can say and do whatever the hell he wants. That badge he's wielding makes him virtually untouchable. "I can protect you, Rowan."

I shook my head and glared at him. I didn't want to believe anything this bastard said. I turned on my heel and ran back to the one person I knew could protect me. Jax.

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter! A little bit of Rax since we didn't have any in the last chapter! I'm so astounded by all of your support for this story and just wanna say ya'll are the bees knees!**

 **I promise Jax is going to find out about Jerry soon and he's not going to be happy about it! Like AT ALL. I'm trying to build up the creepy.**

 **Question: Do you guys like longer chapters or are chapters like this okay? I can do longer chapters they'll just take a bit longer to get out.**

 **Leave a review if Halloween is still on the 31st this year! ;p**


	39. Chapter 39: Panic

**Chapter 39**

 **Jax's Point of View**

I stood in the parking lot of the high school by my bike smoking a cigarette. I probably shouldn't be smoking on school property, but old habits are hard to break. It was my job to play babysitter with Kyle and Opie today at the school fundraiser my mom set up, while Clay, Piney and the prospect were babysitting Otto's fucked up friend Chucky. Dude can't keep his hands off his dick long enough to hold a conversation. Freaked me the fuck out.

Deacon, Tig and Bobby pulled in on their bikes next to me and parked, shutting off their engines. The hum of a motorcycle was like music to my ears. "You know Gemma's gonna have your nuts in a vice for being late, right?"

Bobby straightened out the stupid Elvis wig he had on after removing his helmet. He did Elvis Presley imitations has a side gig and Gemma convinced him to do a thing for the kids at her booth this year. He was all decked out in the white jump suit with the popped collar and everything.

"Gemma's always got our nuts in a vice over something. She should just shove em' through a meat grinder and make dog chow out of em.'" Tig grumbled as I chuckled. He had a point.

I watched Deacon take a pack of smokes out of his cut and smack the bottom of the pack into his palm before pulling one out and lighting up. Things have been a little tense between us since the little incident in the garage over Rowan.

Bobby and Tig headed towards Gemma's booth leaving us alone.

I spotted Rowan in her friend Lena's car as it pulled into a parking space at the end of the lot, followed by Opie's truck.

I've never been one to be able to read a chick well, but I could read Rowan like an open goddamn book. She wore her emotions on her sleeve, which is something I liked and admired about her. One moment she could be laughing the most beautiful laugh and the next she could have this sullen snarky attitude. Something has been bothering me since we hung out in Abel's room last night. She wasn't herself. Not after that dude creeped on us in the hall. I wasn't sure if it had anything to do with that or if it had to do with everything going on with her mom.

"You talk to Rowan much lately?" I asked, cautiously looking over at Deacon. He was still sitting on his bike. He stared at me, waiting for me to elaborate more. "She been acting weird or anything?" I pried, wondering if he's noticed the change in her behavior.

"I couldn't say one way or another. Currently you know my kid more and better than I do." He puffed on his cigarette clearly bothered by that fact. I sighed, whose fault is that I wanted to say. I knew I needed to address the fact that Rowan and I were actually together now. Figured I'd just get it over with.

Rip the band aide off the wound.

"Look, I get it, man. You don't want me seeing her. But I think Rowan and I have something. Or we could have something. But I don't want what I have with her to come between us, or the club." I said, looking him straight in the eye. He lowered his eyes and rubbed his graying beard for a moment before meeting my eye again.

Deacon got off his bike and walked towards me; his leather riding books scuffing the pavement.

"I'm not gonna stand here and lie to you and say that I like the two of you together by any means because I don't. But for whatever reason you make her happy. I've only seen her smile lately when she's with you. Who am I to deny her happiness?" He said. I nodded my head.

I wasn't expecting him to be this understanding. Deacon was more of punch first ask questions later kinda guy like me, but I guess having his kid come into his life has caused him to rethink that tactic.

"So does that mean I have your blessing?" I smirked, cockily.

Deacon flicked his cigarette butt onto the asphalt and stepped on it. He held his hand out for me to shake and I took it. He shook my hand and pulled me into him slightly clamping a hand on my shoulder. "You have my blessing, for now. I hope you had your fun in Indian Hills with that bitch you were screwing, because I expect you to treat my daughter better than a fucking club-piece, Jax."

He looked at me pointedly, his stern gaze saying everything he didn't have to say out loud, as he let go of my hand. He didn't want me to use Rowan and toss her to the side like a used tissue, which I didn't fucking plan on doing. He wanted me to think with my head and my heart and not my dick for once. Deacon reminded me so much of my old man with this shit. I licked my bottom lip and nodded my head, "She's not a club-piece to me, Deacon. It's more."

I wasn't surprised he knew about me banging that Susie chick in Indian Hills. We all live by the 'what happens on a run stays on a run rule' including him. I just hope for my sake he keeps his fucking mouth shut about it with Rowan. If he really didn't want me around his daughter he would have used that tidbit of information against me by now.

Deacon slapped me on the shoulder before turning and heading towards Gemma's booth…

 **Rowan's Point of View**

"How? How did you get your drivers license?" I half laughed at my best friend. I thought we were going to die twice on the way here from the hospital. I'd convinced Lena to give me a hand helping Gemma out at her booth today, but didn't take into account the fake that she might be slightly hungover from the night before.

We took her car here. My idea. I'd hoped maybe it would help avoid Jerry tailing me. Which so far had worked. I've kept my eye on the rear view mirror the entire drive here and haven't seen his shitty hatchback once.

Last night at the hospital had shot my nerves to hell. I had every intention of telling Jax what was going on when I got back to Abel's room, but he had to leave in a hurry to deal with something at the club. I thought maybe that was fates fucked up way of telling me to handle my own shit… But, even if I talked to Unser and actually got a protective order placed against Jerry, what good would it even do? It's a piece of paper. It's not going to stop him from coming near me or touching me. It's not a magical forcefield that will keep me safe.

Plus he's a federal agent. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around that.

He works for the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. He's as high up on the food chain as you can get. Jerry's the ATF agent Jax said was snooping around the clubs business. I'd done some research online last night and read that illegal weapons charges can land you years in jail…

"Oh shut it, like you're a better driver than me? Miss. I Backed Into a Pole." Lena glared at me from the driver seat. She lowered her sunglasses to the bridge of her nose and looked me waiting for a response.

"Lena, a yellow light means slow down. Not jam your foot on the gas and pray you make it through, okay?" I explained the difference. She waved her hand in my face dismissing me complexity.

We both exited the car and started through the parking lot. Lena moaned as the sun hit her in the eyes and wrapped her arms around my shoulders so she could rest her head on my shoulder while we walked. I enveloped her in my arms. "Why do I drink so much? Why do you let me drink so much? Tequila is not fun the second day. Not fun at all! The pavement is moving Rowan."

I laughed and stroked her reddish brown hair lightly, "I wasn't even with you last night! This is all you, sweetie." She moaned again, clearly not feeling well. I felt a little bad for dragging her here but it faded. "Come on, I'll find a chair for you to sleep in."

I spotted Opie, Donna and their two kids getting out of Opie's truck up ahead. Donna smiled and waved, causing me to wave back and walk towards them.

Lena let go of me and hung her head low stuffing her hands into the pockets of her sweatshirt. "We should go see if we can find the frog inside the high school." She nudged me with her elbow.

I laughed and shook my head. Jax walked across the lot towards Opie and smiled when he saw me. "I'm glad you could make it." Donna told me genuinely as I approached her and Opie with Lena first. "I'm glad I could too. This is Lena," I pointed towards her with my finger.

"Hey," Lena said with the best smile she could muster up in her state. Opie glanced at her and chuckled. "You look like you're ten kinds of hungover right now."

"Smart man." She mumbled, leaning into my shoulder again.

"Mom? What's hungover mean?" The little dirty blonde haired girl standing in front of Donna asked. Donna smacked Opie in the stomach playfully and glared at him.

"Who do we have here?" I wondered aloud looking down at her two kids. I was trying to save Donna from having to explain the effects of alcohol to her daughter.

They fidgeted in front of Opie and Donna wanting nothing more than to run off and play on the bouncy house that had been brought in I'm sure.

"This is Henry and Ellie," she said thankful for the save. She mouthed a silent 'thank you' when the kids weren't working.

"I like your braid! It's better than mine!" Ellie said, reaching up and touching the end of the fishtail braid I'd done this morning. I noticed her hair was in a braid as well, only tucked neatly into the back of her head. "I like yours too! I'll have to show you how to do this kind one day."

"You'd like that wouldn't you, baby?" Donna grinned, wrapping her arms around her little girl. Ellie nodded enthusiastically.

The aroma of food being grilled off in the distance swarmed throughout the cool breeze apparently making Lena a bit uncomfortable. "Dude, I think I'm gonna puke. I'll be back." She mumbled before jogging off to find a bathroom.

I tried not to laugh, but couldn't resist.

"Henry! My man," Jax hollered giving the brown haired boy a high five as he walked up. He kissed Donna on the cheek as well then turned to me and kissed me too, only lingering a little longer. "Hey, darling." He placed his hand on the small of my back inadvertently making me move closer towards him.

The kids were getting restless so Donna said, "I'm gonna take them ahead, before they combust." She laughed patting them on the shoulders. "Come on, babies." She seemed like a really good mom. A loving mom. Like mine.

"I'll catch up with you." Opie hollered.

Jax's hand roamed up and down my back lightly before he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, pulling into his side. I wrapped my arm around his waist and held onto his cut with the other one soaking up his warmth and security. My nerves have been on end since last night. Now, standing here with him they were finally calming down. The sick pit in my stomach subsided momentarily as I breathed him in. Smoke. Gasoline. Leather.

"Kyle seems to be doing good." Opie said gruffly, pulling me out of my own head. I followed his and Jax's line of sight to a guy across the lot standing by a gray Ford 150. Kyle? Kyle was the guy Gemma said got Opie sent to jail.

Opie's gaze was fixated on Kyle. He was tall and muscular like Opie. Some blonde haired woman got out of the truck he was standing next to and shoved her tongue down his throat.

"Come on, man. Let's go be with your family." Jax said, squeezing Opie's shoulder and pushing him forward gently.

Opie nodded and started walking, but Jax and I lingered a little longer. His jaw was clenched as he stared at Kyle. "Your mom told me about him. He's the reason Opie got sent to jail?"

"Yeah, he is."

"Your mom said he's excommunicated. How does that work?." I wondered how he could even show his face around here after leaving Opie behind like that? I don't know what they were doing to get arrested, but if he was there too he should have had to do time just like Opie.

"That's right. Well after he screwed Opie and the club over Clay stripped him of his patch and banned him from SAMCRO and Charming. Only reason he's here today is because my mom went on some power trip this morning about being charitable and wanted April's kids to have a decent day. As long as he keeps his distance from Ope it'll all be fine."

Kyle and his girlfriend I'm assuming dropped the tailgate on their truck and pulled out two camping chairs.

Jax pulled me into him tighter. "What if you want out of the club. Can you just leave?"

"Only way you leave SAMCRO is if your dead or kicked out." That's harsh I thought.

I glanced up at Jax who was still watching Kyle. "Do you ever wish you could get out?" I asked out of curiosity.

He shook his head, looking down at me. "Outlaw is all I know. It's in my blood. Why?"

I shrugged, and smiled. "Just wondered."

"Could you be happy with just some outlaw?" He asked, suddenly serious. I searched his face only to find that he was genuinely nervous it seemed of what my answer might be. It dawned on me that someone in the past. In his past. Obviously told him he wasn't good enough. That being an outlaw biker wasn't good enough. It broke my heart to know that he felt like that. That someone made him feel that way.

"I am happy with just some outlaw." I whispered back. He smiled, cupping my chin in his hand and kissed me tenderly on the lips.

"Okay, there are minors present so you two need to get a room or a car or go under the bleachers like I did when I was here!" Jax and I broke apart to see Lena staring at us.

"Ha-ha." I mumbled, rolling my eyes.

"Lena." Jax acknowledged her. "Always a pleasure."

"Jax." She smiled saluting him. He laughed and kissed my cheek, "You two go check in with Gem. I'll catch up."

"Okay." I chuckled letting go of him and then walking away with Lena.

The court yard was packed with people; some were getting food, others were playing games at a few of the booths, while kids ran amuck. A live band was playing some old rock song. Kids were shrieking and laughing as they jumped in the bouncy house as we walked past it. We made our way to Gemma's booth.

"You're late!" Gemma hissed over her shoulder at me digging in her lock box to give someone change.

"I'm sorry, but I'm here now so put me to work. I brought my friend Lena in case we needed the extra help." I offered as Lena plopped herself down in one of the empt chairs behind the booth and curled herself up in a ball.

"She looks like death." Gemma eyed Lena.

"Shouldn't she have a bloody crown or something? I mean I thought you said she was the Queen of SAMCRO." Lena said nonchalantly, resting her chin on her knee.

Gemma scoffed, then glared at me. "Serve the chili."

I glared at Lena and kicked her in the shin before walking past her. She winced and cursed under her breath but didn't make any effort to get up and help. She'd be asleep in a few minutes. That girl could sleep anywhere through anything.

Gemma, Luanne and I worked the booth for a bit. I served food. Gemma took care of the money. Luanne was on cleanup. It was a nice little process.

Practically all of Charming was here today. Everyone walked around carrying tickets for the silent auction that was supposed to be held later tonight. Donna and Opie were over by the egg toss with the kids talking. "Can you hand me fresh roll of paper towels, doll." Luanne asked.

"Yeah, one sec." I knelt down and reached under the table and handed her a new roll.

I went to stand up when my eyes landed on a familiar face behind the Charming PD booth. I gripped the table for support and watched Jerry standing behind the grill flipping burgers. A chill went down my spine as I watched him. His pale skin looked almost green in the sun and even from here I could see the sheen of sweat across his forehead. I sucked my head when I thought he was going to look over here.

My heart pounded inside my chest rabidly. "You moving in under there, sweetheart?" I jerked my head up to see Unser peering at me from the other side of the table as well as Gemma watching me.

My chest tightened as I slowly straightened up. "Thought I lost an earring." I lied. I've been doing an awful lot of that lately. I should be getting better at it, at least you'd think. Gemma eyed me suspiciously then glanced at Unser.

"You know that fried shit," she gestured towards the corndog in his hand, " is gonna kill you."

"Yeah, cause the cancers keeping me all fit and spunky." He shot back at her. I got him a bowl of chili and laughed to myself at his sarcastic side. I kept my eyes on Jerry across the way though.

So he really was telling the truth about that. "Ain't that your landlord grilling sausages over there?" Gemma's brows furrowed together. Unser looked over his shoulder at Jerry.

"That's our new best friend. Agent Jerry Kohn." Unser informed her.

"Your landlord is the ATF agent looking into the club? Did you know he was ATF?" She propped her hand on her hip and stared at me fiercely like I knew all along.

"No, I didn't. I hardly know the creep and don't want to know him." I snapped back at her, harsher than I meant too. She watched me for a minute but seemed satisfied with my answer.

Unser lingered a bit longer than walked off.

I was cleaning up a little bit of chili that I had spilled off the table with a paper towel wondering where Jax had ventured off too when I saw him talking to that Kyle guy up on the little hill by the entrance to the school. Gemma noticed too, because she muttered under her breath when Jax slammed Kyle up against the side of the wall by the shirt collar. Jesus. She elbowed me in the ribs. "Go check on Jax."

Jax caught Gemma and I staring at him and slowly backed off Kyle. They shared a few more words before Kyle skulked off. "Go. Take a break." Gemma insisted, practically pushing me out of the booth. I glanced at Lena who was as suspected asleep in her chair.

I walked over to Jax up on the hill. He ran a hand down the side of his face clearly agitated. His nostrils flared and his jaw was set tight. "Is everything okay?" I asked hesitantly approaching him.

He let out a breath. "Yeah. Just making sure Kyle knows his place." He shot his mother an apologetic look across the way and then turned his attention to me. He brushed some loose hair behind my ear.

I felt nauseated. I wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans and felt bile burning the back of my throat. "Ro, you alright?" Jax asked but it sounded so far away. My vision blurred slightly as I staggered backwards mumbling I was fine. I was having a panic attack. I realized that when I whirled around and started hurling in the bushes.

"Woah," Jax said, placing a hand on my back as the acidic bile worked its way up my throat. I knelt down on my knees, heaving. "Hey, it's alright. You're okay." Jax rubbed circles into my back gently and tucked the loose pieces of hair that fell into my face behind my ear.

After a few moments of trying to desperately get air to my lungs my breathing slowed. I wiped my mouth on the back of my hand and felt the tears streaming down my face from throwing up. Jax cupped his hand around the nape of my neck and looked at me concerned.

"I'm sorry," I let out a shaky breath still feeling like I had a golf ball stuck in my throat. "There's really no way to make that look sexy."

Jax cracked a small smile. "What's going on?"

"I-I have to tell you something." I started to say as people looked at us passing by.

"Let's get you up first." Jax offered, kissing the crown of my head as he pulled me to my feet…

 **A/N: Eeep! Jax is about to finally find out what Jerry has been up to! I was going to wait and add that into this chapter, but I couldn't wait to post and I'm mean and just wanna keep you guys on edge lol.**

 **Question: I hope you don't mind me asking you all questions! So I'm coming up on episode 6 "AK-15s" and wanted to get your input on an idea I had.**

 **So in the episode Jax puts the ten AK-15s into that septic truck to get them off the TM lot before ATF raids the place. I was considering have Rowan be the one that takes the guns up to the cabin for the guys? Of course it would be with twists and turns and danger but I thought it would be cool to get her involved!**

 **Spoilers- because I love ya! Not really spoilers just think of it as a preview of what's to come!**

 **Possibly in the next chapter or chapter after that Rowan will find out about the Indian Hills chick! Bonding time with Gemma over Cherry :o Confrontational Rowan and Protective Jax!**


	40. Chapter 40: Red Flags

**Chapter 40**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

With Jax's arm wrapped around my waist he walked me back to Gemma's booth and sat me down in a chair behind the booth out of sight of prying eyes to give me a chance to regain my composure. I placed my elbows on my knees and lowered my head in an attempt to get my head to stop spinning.

"Here, take a few sips of this. It'll help." Jax said, offering me a bottle of water. I took it with a still partially shaky hand and gave him a weak smile in return.

This was all becoming to much.

Jerry.

My mom.

The shooting.

Deacon.

The list was endless. It felt like I was being strangled from the inside out.

"Talk to me. What's going on, Ro?" Jax knelt down in the grass in front of me placing his hands on the sides of my thighs. His thumb rubbing circles into leg. "I think after everything we've been through, you should know that you can tell me pretty much anything."

His blue orbs searched my face for the answers I was so hesitant to give him.

I had to tell him.

Telling Jax was my only solution to this problem. I just didn't want him to do anything stupid and get himself hurt because of me. If something happened to him I'd never be able to forgive myself.

"Everything is just caving in and I feel like I can't breathe." I all but whispered as new tears threatened to spill from my eyes. Jax took my hand in his and squeezed it lightly.

"It's okay. I'm right here, Ro. I know you've had a tough few weeks, but I promise it's going to get easier. Whatever's going on, we can figure it out." He said, placing a hand on my cheek. The warmth from his hand felt so nice against my cool clammy skin.

I felt like such an idiot, sitting here falling apart in front of him like this, hell in front of everyone really. I hated being vulnerable in front of people. It made me feel weak. But I'm not weak. I'm scared. Terrified even. I'm out of options and need help. I need Jax. I need the protection that he illuminates.

The sound of kids laughing and screeching pulled me back into reality. I needed to tell Jax everything, but telling him here wasn't exactly the best place. I didn't know how he's react and didn't want him to make a scene in front of half of Charming with all of these kids and families present.

"Hey," Gemma shrieked, smacking Jax on the shoulder as she came around to the back of the booth, "What the hell was that with Kyle over there?"

"Nothing, mom. Kyle's dead to us." Jax replied, glancing up at her annoyed. I wiped my eyes and took a few sips of the water Jax had given me before sitting it down on the grass by my feet.

"Oh really? Because he doesn't look dead to Opie!" She said, pointing over her shoulder at Opie. He was standing over by boxes of fireworks with his arms crossed staring at Kyle over by the egg toss.

"You should go talk to him." I said to Jax, feeling my heartbeat starting to return to normal. "No, you were going to tell me something?"

"It can wait. Opie looks like he needs you. Go talk to him. We can talk in a bit." I promised him. He looked at me wearily, not wanting to leave me after I'd just had a complete breakdown but then looked at Opie knowing he was probably thinking about killing Kyle no doubt. I mean I'd wanna kill the guy that left me behind an got me sent to jail too. I leaned down and kissed his cheek, not wanting to kiss him on the lips for fear my breath was something awful. "I'm okay. But I do need to talk to you later."

"Alright. I'll be back." He reassured me, kissing me on the forehead as he got to his feet.

"Are you alright?" Gemma asked, giving me the once over. "I'm fine."

"Good, because I need your help. Break times over. Your little friend ain't much help." Gemma scoffed. I got up and followed her back underneath the blue tarp to stand behind the tables.

I glanced over at the Charming PD booth to see Jerry still serving food and laughing like he didn't have a care in the world. I suppose he didn't. Lena was asleep still in the chair by the coolers. I distracted myself by helping Gemma and kept my eye on Jerry. As long as I was here and he was over there I would be okay.

I was so busy watching the food in my hands and Jerry I hadn't noticed Gemma watching me. She cleared her throat causing me to look at her out of the corner of my eye. She looked across the way at Jerry and then at me again, silently putting two and two together but said nothing.

Jax was over with Opie talking by the fireworks one moment staring at Kyle and then the next moment him and Opie we gone. I felt a slight panic knowing that he wasn't close by but bit it back.

"Ro! My head is spinning!" Lena croaked from behind me. I turned around to see her standing up looking like hell. She walked over and stood beside me, pulling her sunglasses down over her eyes to hide the bags under them and block the sunlight from hitting her in the face.

"There's Tylenol in my bag in the car. I can get you some?" I offered.

"I'll go. I have to pee anyway. What is that god awful smell?" She scrunched her nose up and took the lid off of Gemma's chili and gagged before she put it back on. "Oh my god, that's terrible."

It honestly didn't smell bad, but in her nauseated state from being hungover it probably didn't agree with her.

"Something wrong with my chili?" Gemma asked, arching a brow.

"Nope. It just smells like ass. I'm sure it's quite lovely though." Lena replied, holding a hand over her nose to block the smell as she walked past Gemma to head out to her car. Gemma scoffed as she watched my incredibly rude best friend stroll off then looked at me stunned.

I shrugged, not really having any excuse for Lena. She was who she was and said exactly what was on her mind without second guessing herself. "She's like that, been like that since birth really. Venomous without provocation."

"Well, we have that in common." Gemma said, chuckling which caused me to chuckle too. Seeing Gemma laugh was a rare sight. It was like seeing a snow leopard walking down the sidewalk; it was something you just didn't see.

Bobby and Tig wondered up to our table. "Hey, where's Jax?" Tig asked, stealing a handful of chips out of the bag lying on the table.

"He was with Opie." Gemma said, "Why?"

"Clay called, we gotta go." Tig shrugged, giving her an apologetic look.

"Jesus Christ, Clay." She muttered to herself, obviously knowing something I didn't. "I'll go find him." I said wanting nothing more than to get out of Jerry's line of sight.

The evening sun was already setting over Charming. A slightly breeze rusted the bushes I walked past making me glad that I wore a long sleeved shirt. The fall weather here was always bipolar. One day it was sunny and 75 degrees and the next it was 40 degrees and raining cats and dogs. I hugged myself to keep the chill nipping at my arms away spotting Jax, Opie and Kyle coming out of the entrance to the gym laughing.

Okay, now I'm confused. I thought they hated Kyle? I don't even know Kyle but I hate him on principle. Why are they laughing?

As I approached them I noticed Opie's lip was split open and oozing a small amount of blood and Kyle's left eye was puffy and red. Obviously they've been 'talking' to each other. My eyes instantly roamed over Jax's face. I was relieved to find him completely untouched.

"Hey!" I called out, causing them to look my direction. Jax smirked at me and strolled towards me. Opie and Kyle in tow. "Hey, I was just coming to find you." Jax said.

"You found me." I grinned, "Bobby and Tig are looking for you. They're at Gemma's booth."

"Alright." Jax slung his arm around me as we started back towards Gemma's booth.

"Is Opie okay?" I asked quietly as we walked along, dodging kids as they ran past as with water guns squirting each other.

"It's all good." He leaned in and kissed me on the side of my head.

Bobby and Tig spotted us walking through the crowd and met us half way. "Jax, brother. Chow mien is done. We gotta go." I had no idea what that meant and literally didn't care to find out at the moment with everything else swarming in my brain.

"Now?" Jax asked.

"Yeah. Deacon already left to head for Clay and Jerky Jerk Off." Tig said making zero sense to me.

Jax nodded his head, completely understanding Tig. Tig glanced around us and saw Opie and Kyle and looked skeptically at Jax.

He waved him off and muttered, "I'll tell you on the way."

Opie and Kyle went different directions as Tig followed us as we made our way back to Gemma's booth.

I glanced over where Jerry was to see him handing someone a burger and a can of Coca-Cola. I clutched Jax's cut without thinking and noticed he was looking at Jerry as well. Gemma saw us approaching and rounded the booth in record time, "You tell Clay I'm pissed! Not only is he not even here he's taking all my man power!"

"Yeah, whatever. Who is that over there?" Jax said motioning towards Jerry. My stomach churned.

"That's the ATF Agent looking into the club. He's also blondies landlord over here." Gemma said jutting her thumb in my direction. I shifted uncomfortably away from Jax. He looked at me arched his eyebrows, surprised. "He's your landlord? Why didn't you mention that last night when he was looking in on Abel?"

"I'm sorry. I don't know, okay? He's what I needed to talk to you about." I told him, sensing he was angry with me for lying to him. I'd be angry too.

"We gotta go!" Bobby said attempting to move this along.

"Fine. Whatever we'll talk about it later." Jax snapped back at me. "Keep an eye on him, if he follows us outta here or leaves give me call on the prepay." Jax instructed his mother.

He walked off without even giving me a second glance. I followed after him and the guys.

"Jax," I said, grabbing his arm forcing him to stop and look at me. "I'm sorry I didn't say who he was."

"You lied to me. You acted like you didn't even know who the hell he was! And now I find out he's the ATF dickwad looking into my club." He hissed at me, staring me in the eye. "It's kinda kicking up some red flags here for me."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Are you working for him? Trying to get information on the club?" He asked. His eyes were cold and his jaw was set.

"Of course not! Are you fucking kidding me? Do you really think I would do something like that, Jax?" I half laughed shaking my head. He was being paranoid and ridiculous. "I'm not spying on the club for that asshole. The fact that you even considered that as a possibility pisses me off."

"I'm just going off what I'm seeing." He snapped back at me. He shook his head as tears burned my eyes. I wanted to tell him the truth right here and now, but would he even believe me now? If he thinks I'm ratting on his club…

"You're an asshole." I tossed my hands in the air and started to walk away from him, only for someone to grab my elbow. I turned to see Jax holding my arm. "Look," he lowered his head and wouldn't meet my eye. "I'm sorry."

"You're still an asshole." I pulled my arm out of his grasp and walked away from him without looking back. I made my way towards Lena's car parked at the other end of the lot.

My phone buzzed in my pocket causing me to pull it out. "Hello," I answered harshly still pissed at Jax. I hadn't even bothered to look at the caller ID. "Is this Rowan Collins?" A woman asked, politely.

"It is. Who is this?"

"This is Shelly from St. Thomas hospital. Rowan it's your mother… She's taken a turn for the worse and I think it's best that you get down here as soon as you can."

I froze in the parking lot feeling my stomach lurch into my throat. Lena was making her way towards me but I hardly saw her. Everything was blurring together as the noises from the fundraiser filled my ears. I dropped the phone in my hand and took off in a full run towards Lena.

"Woah, what's going on?" She hollered, as we collided together.

"It's my mom."

 **A/N: So…Cliffhanger! Lol. I know I was suppose to have Rowan tell Jax about Jerry and she will, but I decided to change my plan around here a little bit! So please bare with me!**


	41. Chapter 41: The End Is Here

**Chapter 41**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

The thirteen minute drive from Jefferson High to went by in a blur. It was like time had seemingly just stopped. At least for me it had anyway. My heart pounded loudly in my ears with each light we had to stop at. Lena pulled into the emergency lane in front of the hospital and we both got out and bolted inside not caring we had pulled into the emergency lane. This was an emergency. I felt numb all over and didn't quite know how my legs were evening moving. We came to the elevators and I slammed my hand into the up button repeatedly. But the elevators were taking to long.

"Dammit! Come on!" I staggered back away from the elevators and whipped my head around finding the stairs and bolted for followed me as we sprinted up the three flights of stairs to the Oncology Department. I ran breathlessly down three hallways towards my moms room dodging nurses and doctors and patients all along the way.

When I came to the door I was not prepared for what I had to bare witness too. Dr. Manning and a team of nurses surrounded my mother but they weren't doing anything. Why weren't they doing anything? That's when realization set in and I took in the surroundings. My mother was lying in her bed with her eyes closed. She looked like she was asleep. Dr. Manning shut down the monitors sitting beside my mothers bed, which were no longer beeping alerting us all of her heart rate; because she no longer had one.

"No…no…no…" I shook my head as tears welled in my eyes. A lump formed in my throat as I walked into the room towards my mothers body lying lifeless on the bed.

"Mommy… Mom… No… You don't get to do this to me." I cried feeling the warm tears streaming down my cheeks reaching out and touching her hand. "You have to do something!?" I pleaded with the nurses watching me. None of them made a move to do anything, instead I was met with stares filled with sympathy. I squeezed my mothers fingers but didn't feel her squeeze back like she always did. "No! You have to wake up!"

"Let's give her some time to say goodbye." Dr. Manning dismissed all the nurses out of the room and walked around to where I was standing hovering hysterically over my mothers body. This wasn't happening. I'm dreaming and ill wake up and she'll be fine. She'll be here. She's always been here. I felt Dr. Manning place a cool hand on my shoulder. "Rowan, I am so sorry. Your mothers body was just too weak to keep fighting the cancer. She fell into a comatose state and slipped away. She went comfortably and peacefully." I heard the words coming out of Dr. Manning's mouth but didn't quite have the ability to respond to them.

I slid down onto my knees and rested my head against my moms shoulder and sobbed into her not ready to accept what was right in front of me.

Dr. Manning squeezed my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me before walking out of the room. It felt like my heart no longer resided in my chest. I knew this was going to happen. I had months to prepare myself for the emotional blow it would be to lose my mom, my best friend. But nothing could prepare you for this. Not a damn thing.

The tears flowed freely as sobs ripped through me. I stayed like that for what felt like forever before Lena crouched down beside me and pulled me into her. "I'm so sorry buddy." We sat curled into each other on the floor. She wrapped her arms around me and let me cry until there was nothing left.

We stayed like that for two hours before a nurse in maroon scrubs came in and said, "I'm sorry, but we really need to take Miss. Collins body now." I glanced up at her through watery eyes but said nothing. I got up slowly with Lena's assistance and choked back a sob as I walked out of the room unable to look back at my mom. My chest felt tight as I staggered down the hallway leaning into the wall for support. It felt like I couldn't get air into my lungs as I gasped for each breath in-between sobs.

I leaned against the wall until my legs gave out and I slid down onto my butt. Tucking my knees under my chin I buried my face in my knees and let the pain washing over me in waves drown me…

 **Jax's Point View**

The alarm clock on the nightstand read 3:46am. I sighed lying in bed at home unable to sleep. The bourbon I drank couldn't get the images of Kyle's charred burned bloody back out of my head. The asshole had the nerve to keep his tattoo all this time; son of bitch should have gotten it blacked out. Woulda been a hell of a lot less painful than what he endured tonight. Not that I didn't find some satisfaction in his pain after what he did to Ope though.

I turned onto my side and stared at the empty space in the bed where I'd hoped Rowan would have been. She would have been there too if I hadn't turned into such a dick at the fundraiser. Why the hell would she lie to me about that ATF dick being her landlord unless she was working with them? She played me? Clays suspicions were right? Those were all questions that swarmed my mind when she looked at me earlier.

It didn't make sense.

The pieces just didn't fit.

She never asked me anything directly about the club unless I brought it up. Deacons her father. She said her mother told her we were running guns. That and the whole she shot a guy for me incident. If she was some kind of informant working with ATF she never would have done any of that.

"Fuck." I muttered rolling onto my back to grab a cigarette. I jumped to conclusions instead of just letting her explain her side. I fuckin' accused her of being a rat. The way she looked at me with fire in her eyes earlier told me she was pissed and she wouldn't be in a forgiving mood for quite some time. Her beautiful emerald eyes turned almost evergreen when her temper flared and god if it didn't turn me the hell on. My dick was getting hard just thinking about her now.

My phone rang on the nightstand causing me to sit up. I blew smoke out of my nostrils as I flicked on the bedside lamp and grabbed my phone. A number I didn't recognize lit up the screen. "Hello?" I answered, cautiously.

"Hey, Jax. This is Lena. Rowan's friend." I recognized the voice on the other end of the phone.

"Yeah, I know who you are. What's going on?" I asked, skeptically. Why the hell would she be calling me at three in the fucking morning?

"Listen, I need your help. It's Rowan. Her mom passed away a few hours ago." Lena said, her voice strained, "Shes just sitting in the hallway outside of her moms room. She won't move or talk to me. I'd like to say I'm mature enough to handle this situation, but I was raised by a drunk so I don't exactly know what to do here. For once in our lives I don't think she need me. I think… she needs you, Jax."

My heart sank as I stood up slipping my sneakers on without any hesitation as I held the phone against my ear. "I'm on my way. Just sit with her until I get there." I instructed and then hung up the phone jamming it into my pocket. I slung my cut on over my sweatshirt and jogged out of my house.

::::::::::::::::

I made it to St. Thomas fairly quickly, Charming was dead in the middle of the night making it so easy to run lights and breeze through stop signs.. Lena met me in the lobby and we walked back upstairs together.

Rowan sat on the linoleum floor with her knees tucked under her chin and her face lying on her knee staring blankly at the floor. I gave Lena's shoulder a squeeze as I passed by her and approached Rowan.

Kneeling down beside her I could see that her face was pale and her eyes were swollen and puffy from crying. Even now tears silently streaked down her beautiful face. It broke my heart to see her this upset. To know there was nothing I could physically do to make this pain go away. If I could have taken it from her in this moment I would have. I knew now looking at her that I was wrong earlier. So wrong. I only hoped when she got through this she'd be willing to let me apologize for being such an asshole to her.

"Ro?" I whispered placing my hand on her foot. She wouldn't look at me instead she just blinked a few times. "I'm so sorry, darling." I was at a loss for words. You'd think with losing my old man and my brother I of all people would have some words of wisdom to share, but all I have is a heartbroken girl and nothing to say.

"She's gone, Jax." She whispered almost inaudibly.

I tucked some hair behind her ear and fought the pain in my chest and nodded my head. "I know." I sat down next to her on the floor and after a moment put my arm around her. I'm not sure if she wanted me to or not but if she didn't she didn't let me know. She didn't move at first she just raised her head and looked at me as a new wave of tears slipped out. "Jax," she mumbled as I reached up and wiped the tears away with my thumb and cradled her cheek as she stared at me. Slowly, she leaned her head against my chest and I held her while she fell apart. "It's okay. It's gonna be okay, babe." Were the only words I could manage to whisper out to her.

Lena sat down on the opposite side of the hallway letting her own set of tears fall freely. I kissed the top of Rowan's head and held her tightly against my chest. Her fingers gripped my cut like she was holding on for dear life.

"Come on, darling. Let's get you outta here." I whispered into her forehead. She nodded ever so slightly in response. I got up and helped her up off the cold floor and let her tuck herself into my side. "I'm gonna take her back to my place for tonight." I told Lena as she got up wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Yeah, that's good. I'll take care of as much stuff as I can take care of for you here Ro." Lena said, squeezing Rowan's hand…

::::::::::::::

The sun was almost up by the time we got back to my place. We walked through the front door together and I watched as Rowan stood in the middle of the hallway unsure of what to do or where to go. She was completely out of it. "Can I get you anything?" I offered shrugging out of my cut as she shook her head.

"I think I just want to lie down." She replied, hugging herself. I nodded, understanding and guided her back to my bedroom. I stopped at the doorway and watched her crawl into my bed and curl on her side away from me. It didn't take long before I saw her shaking from crying again.

I pinched the bridge of my nose to keep myself from crying and took a deep breath. It felt like someone was punching me in the heart watching her go through this. I went to her and climbed in the bed behind her slipping my hand under her head and pillow and lying behind her pulling her close. "I'm right here."

 **A/N: This was so hard to write. I hope I'm showcasing the emotions enough for this! The next few chapters will sorta deviate from the original SOA storyline just a wee bit!**


	42. Chapter 42: Hollow

**Chapter 42**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

"Ro, you about ready to go?" Jax asked standing on the other side of the bathroom door. I'd been ready for the past twenty minutes, but for some reason I haven't been able to move a muscle.

It's been three days since my mother passed away.

I stood in Jax's bathroom staring at my reflection in the mirror. My skin was pale and blotchy. I'd pulled my hair back into a high pony tail which only revealed how permanently puffy and red my eyes had become from crying the past few days . The little make up I'd felt like putting on did nothing to hide the bags under my eyes from lack of sleep. And honestly, I didn't care. I felt numb and hollow on the inside. If you sliced me in half there'd be nothing to spill out. Nothing made sense anymore. It felt like a small piece of myself was missing. All these years it's been my mom and me. We were a team. And now it's just me, standing here in a black dress about to bury her.

Wiping the stray tear that had wondered down my cheek away I cleared my throat. "Yeah, I'll be out in a second." I smoothed out the black ribbed high neck swing dress is borrowed from Lena. I didn't have it in me to go pick out a new dress to where to the funeral. Buying a dress was literally the last thing on my mind.

My mothers wishes were simple and easy to comply with. She wanted a small graveside service and a gathering afterwards. Deacon had been kind enough to sit with me at the funeral home while I made all of the proper arrangements. Part of me was hesitant to let him get close. It was hard to gauge how he was handling my mothers death. His emotions were hard to read and for some reason that frustrated me to no end.

I walked out of the bathroom and sat down on the edge of Jax's bed to slip my black heels on. Jax walked in as I stood up. His eyes roamed over my body slowly as he walked towards me taking my hands in his. "You look beautiful." He offered with a sad smile.

Jax's phone vibrated in his pocket causing him to let go of my hand and pull it out of his pocket to check it. He sighed rolling his eyes before sending a text to someone. "Jax, you don't have to come with me. If you have to be somewhere, I'll be fine." I was lying, but I didn't want him to feel obligated to be with me. Since my mother died we've spent every minute together. He hasn't left my side. He let me cry when I needed too and held me until the last tear fell without a second thought.

It was honestly the only thing holding the few tiny threads left of me together. After our fight at the fundraiser I didn't expect him to want anything else to do with me. He accused me of working with that bastard Jerry; which I'm still pissed about underneath it all.

"No, I don't have to be anywhere. Do you want me to come?" Jax asked, searching my eyes.

"Yes, I really want you to be there." I came clean, not having it in me to put on a brave face and go at this alone.

Jax caressed my cheek letting his thumb run gently over my cheekbone. "Then I'm there. Whatever you need, darling. If you want space or if you want me around; I'll do whatever you want."

"I want you around." I whispered, stepping into him and resting my head on his shoulder. I clutched the front of his sweatshirt and cut pulling him closer as he wrapped his arms around me tightly. "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere. I promise." He whispered into my ear, before planting a gentle kiss on my bare shoulder.

"We better get going." Jax said. With that we broke apart slowly. I pulled on a black pea coat and followed Jax out to his truck and got in.

The sky was gray and full of rain clouds just waiting to burst that have lingered for days. It was like sky was missing mom too. Jax held my hand as he navigated our way to the cemetery. I watched the first few drops of rain as they slid down the passenger window. When I was little I used to pretend the raindrops were racing each other to the bottom. I always wondered what happened when they popped and disappeared. Did raindrops die I wondered. My mom told my five year old self that the raindrops didn't die they just vanished and came back as something else like a beautiful flower. Being five years old at the time I totally beloved it; now I realized she was wrong. They did die.

We arrived at the cemetery and got out of the truck letting the sprinkle of rain mist our clothes. Jax slipped his hand in mine as we walked up the grassy hill to where my mom was to be buried. A group of friends and colleagues of my mothers hugged me a little too long and offered their condolences that didn't make me feel the least bit better.

It was nice of them though I supposed.

Lena arrived not long after Jax and I had.

"Thanks for coming," I whispered to Lena as she hugged me.

"Of course. I loved your mom. She was kinda my second more appropriate mother." Lena said with a weak smile. She wiped the tears off my cheek and then her own and looped her arm through my own. "I took care of everything at the house for afterwards so don't worry about any of that."

"Thank you." I squeezed her hand.

Jax stood beside me with the palm of his hand on the small of my back. I tried to avoid looking at the mahogany casket sitting before me but it was unavoidable. I noticed a single yellow rose resting on top of her casket and walked over to pick it up. My insides coiled as I wrapped my fingers around the stem of the rose. Jerry was the only person I knew who had a thing for ugly yellow roses. I whipped my head around cautiously looking around the cemetery to see if he was here hiding in the shadows watching. A thorn on the stem pricked the palm of my hand causing me to drop it.

He was here.

He had no right to be anywhere near here. Not today or any other day of his life.

It felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.

A sound which I thought was thunder rang out in the distance but only turned out to be Deacon on his bike along with two others. I watched as they got off their bikes and made the trek up the hill; Deacon followed by Tig and Bobby.

"Hey kiddo." Deacon spoke softly as we shared an awkward hug. "How you holding up?"

"I'm not." I blew out a breath and looked at Bobby and Tig. I wondered why they were here, but figured maybe they were just here for moral support for Deacon.

"They wanted to pay their respects." Deacon said as if he read my mind.

"Your momma was a good girl." Bobby said giving me a small hug. I almost burst into tears at the fact that they knew her. "She was a hell raiser in her day." Tig added giving me a hug when Bobby released me.

"I didn't know you all knew her."

"Oh yeah. She was a wild one. I've got some stories about her and Deacon that will blow your mind." Bobby said gesturing towards Deacon. I couldn't help but laugh as a wave of tears hit me.

The service was small and exactly what my mom would have wanted. One by one we each laid a red rose on her casket and said goodbye. Only I was never any good at saying goodbye and neither was my mom so I kissed the rose and laid it on her casket and said, "It's you and me mom."

Once the service was over I was bombarded yet again by guests who hugged me and gave me their sympathy. They were all heading back to my house. All these people I hardly knew; who hardly knew my mom were coming to pay their respects. While everyone else including Deacon headed to their cars and bikes I stayed standing in front of my moms casket.

"You coming?" Lena asked softly, rubbing my shoulder.

I shook my head. "I just need a few minutes." She nodded in understanding before walking away.

I was cold and my feet hurt from these stupid heels and soaking wet from the rain. I slipped off the heels I was wearing and held them in my hand. I closed my eyes and let the rain beat down on me. I wished it would just wash me away. Images of my mom filled my mind but were quickly removed and replaced with images of Jerry and the warehouse shooting. Bile worked its way up my throat. I opened my eyes and stared at the crumpled yellow rose lying on the ground.

I felt Jax slip his fingers through mine intertwining them causing me to glance at him. I had to tell him everything… He pulled me into his side and held me there. "I feel so alone now."

"You're not alone. You'll never be alone." He murmured into my hair before kissing the crown of my head.

"Thank you…" I said letting my salty tears mix with the fresh rain streaming down my face.

"For what?"

"Being here." I glanced up at him. He cupped my cheek in his hand and kissed me tenderly on the lips. Something stirred inside of me when he did that made me think maybe, just maybe, I wasn't completely dead on the inside.

We walked back to the truck and got in and headed to my house. As we drove I noticed the familiar hatchback that always seemed to be there following us. Even from three cars back I could still see his smug face in the rear view mirror. My breathing intensified as my heart pounded in my ears. "Can you pull over?"

"Are you alright?" Jax looked at me as I felt like I was going to throw up. I broke out into a cold sweat and struggled to get air into my lungs.

"Pull over. I'm going to be sick." I said placing a hand over my mouth. Jax pulled over along the side of the residential street we were on.

"What's going on, Ro?" Jax questioned, touching my shoulder. "This isn't about your mom. You got like this at the fundraiser and back at the service when you saw that yellow rose. What the hell is going on? Just tell me."

He wasn't demanding, he was pleading.

"I'm getting worried here an can't help but think all of this has something to do with the hatchback that's been tailing us since we left the cemetery. The one that's parked half way down the block right now."

I covered my hands with my face as an unintelligible sound escaped past my lips.

"That ATF Agent looking into your club; my landlord Jerry. I guess it started when I got behind on the rent; at least that's when the phone calls started. Now it's gotten worse…" I stumbled through the words. "The busted taillight, the flat tire, and the roses on my car. That was all him. He's been stalking me. And he's followed me I don't know how many times and watched me. Us…" I glanced at Jax to see him gripping the steering wheel tightly. His knuckles almost penetrating through his skin. He shook his head as his nostrils flared.

Before I could say anything else he was getting out of the truck and walking down the street towards Jerry's car. I got out, barefoot, and followed after him. "Jax!"

"Jax! What are you doing?" I yelled catching up to him.

"Get back in the truck and stay there!" He snarled, pointing towards his truck.

I watched as he whipped out the knife he kept strapped to his side and and jammed it into the grill of Jerry's car causing him to get out.

"Vandalism, deadly weapon. That's six months in County, asshole." Jerry snapped at him, resting his hand on the side arm he now was carrying.

Jax stood in front of him almost close enough to touch noses. "At the rate your going you'll be in the cell next to me. Stalking? Vandalism? They teach you how to suck a dick in ATF school?" Jax hissed back. I crept closer letting the rain pelt me in the face. Jax's body was ridged and tense and even from small distance I could feel the heat and anger radiating off of him.

"You got nothing on SAMCRO. An this thing with Rowan. It's done. Over. Or next time it won't be your piece of shit car I'm draining fluid from." Jax said glaring at him.

Jerry eyed him and gave him a cocky half ass grin. "Are you threatening a federal agent?"

"No. I'm threatening you, asshole. You come near her again or touch a fucking hair on her goddamn head and I'll rip you apart piece by piece." Jax stepped back slightly, and I gripped onto his forearm shaking. "This is your one and only warning."

And with that Jax turned and ushered me back to the truck…

 **A/N: Jax finally knows! Woot! I hope that was satisfying to read! I won't be updating for a few days because I have family visiting this weekend, so expect an update around Sunday night or most likely Monday!**

 **There's an outfit guide On Rowan's Instagram: collins_rowan**

 **Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews! You will never know how much I truly appreciate every single one of them!**


	43. Chapter 43: Take The Pain

**Chapter 43**

 **Jax's Point of View**

After pulling into Rowan's driveway next to Deacon's bike and Lena's car I shut off the truck and sat there in the driver seat unable to look at Rowan. Cars lined the street in front of her house; all belonging to guests that were inside waiting to pay their respects to Rowan's mother. My blood was boiling over as rage coursed through my veins. I wanted to kill that son of bitch for coming anywhere near Rowan, and if she hadn't been with me I swear to god I just might have done it. We hadn't spoke since we got back in the truck. Mostly because I was to torqued up to even have a rational conversation at the moment. If it weren't for the quiet sobs coming from her side of the truck I wouldn't have even noticed her in the truck.

We sat there in silence and listened to the rain beat down rhythmically on the windshield.

Why the fuck hadn't she come to me sooner?

Now I feel like an even bigger dick for accusing her of working with that fucking prick. Hell, I kinda wish she was working with him. Least then she wouldn't be in any danger.

"Say something, please." She broke the silence first. My knee bounced as I fought the course of adrenaline rushing through me. I need to punch something. Jerry. Multiple times preferably.

I glanced over at her to see her staring down at her hands in her lap. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me what was going on sooner?"

"Because it wasn't your burden to bear. I handled it. At least I thought I'd handled it." She looked at me. Her voice was quiet, but strained. She blinked away the tears marring her beautiful emerald eyes.

"Rowan, Jesus Christ." I snapped back, harsher than I wanted to. "You handled it? How did you fucking handle it?"

"I talked to him. When that didn't work I talked to Unser. I was going to get a protective order if I had to." She explained, her eyes darting all over the place then landing on my own. "I didn't know he was an ATF Agent. Let alone the one looking into your club until he told me. I got scared when he came near Abel. I didn't tell you I knew him because I wanted to protect you and Abel."

I stared at her taking in her stern expression. The fierceness and protectiveness she harbored for me and my son was something I've never seen before and fuck, if it didn't turn me on.

I scoffed and shook my head though. "Guys like him can only be handled one way. You talking to him and engaging with him probably only made it worse." I ran a hand through my damp hair. My thoughts raced wildly through my head. I reached over and took her hand in mine after a moment causing her to look at me. "You should go inside."

"Yeah, I know I should." She all but whispered back. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and placed her hand on the door handled before turning to look at me, "Are you coming inside?"

"Not yet. I need to drive around and clear my head for a bit. I'll be back." I told her, starting my truck. I could tell by the way her face fell that I'd just hurt her, but I was so pissed off and on edge that I didn't care.

She got out of the truck without a word and I watched as she walked inside. Once I saw the door shut I backed out of the driveway.

She probably thinks I'm mad at her, and I'm not. Everything in me wants to tell her that, but I can't right now. I mean I'm pissed she didn't tell me, but I guess I understand why she didn't.

Jerry Kohn is ATF. The fucker is looking into my club and going after my girl. Every fiber of my being said shoot the fucker in the head and call it a day. But I can't. I have to be smart about this or it ain't gonna end pretty for the club. If Rowan told Unser what was going on why the fuck didn't he do something about Kohn? The asshole was grilling burgers with Unser at the fundraiser for Christ sakes.

I found myself making my way towards Charming PD to talk to Unser.

I pulled into the parking lot quickly and cut the engine and jogged inside. Every office in the joint shot me a weary glance. I couldn't give two fucks. I made my way towards Unser's office despite protests from secretaries telling me not too.

Without knocking I swung the door open to see him sitting behind his desk talking to Hale on the other side.

"Jax, what are you doing here?" The old man asked.

"You better reign in your ATF boyfriend." I snarled, as Hale got up and slowly approached me. "Agent Kohn isn't on our payroll. We don't get tabs on him."

"Yeah, well maybe you should." I walked into the office more. "He's not just interest in SAMCRO. He's interested in my girlfriend, Rowan." I glared at Unser as shook his head in disbelief.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Hale questioned, confused and out of the loop as usual. Ignoring him I turned my attention to Unser.

"This guy is stalking her. He's got some sick twisted obsession with her. I'm telling you this guy is fucking nuts and he's going to hurt her."

"That's why she was asking me about a protective order." Unser said, running a hand down his pale face.

"You knew, and didn't do shit." I clenched my fist at my side.

"No, now wait a minute. She came to me for advice in a round about way. I didn't know who she was referring to." Unser explained, standing up behind his desk. The old chair he sat in creaked a sigh of relief.

Hale touched my shoulder. "Kohn is our problem. We'll handle it." He said, looking at me sternly.

"You better handle it. Or I will." I hissed before turning and walking out of his office.

 **SOA**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

As soon as I walked through the front door I was hit with a wave of hugs and voices saying the same thing, "I'm so sorry for your loss. Let us know if you need anything at all." I heard it so many times it made my head hurt. People gathered all over my tiny home wearing different variations of black. It looked like a sea of darkness that was ready to swallow me whole. Flowers piled up in the worst way. Everywhere I looked a new bundle of cheerful flowers greeted me. It took everything in my not to rip the flowers to shreds.

"Your mother was a wonderful woman." Betty, our next door neighbor cried rather theatrically in front of me. I hugged her lightly wondering if my mom even spoke to her. She always said she hated Betty because she was gossip. "I just can't believe she's gone." She pulled back, holding me at arms length.

I thought I was supposed to be the one getting comforted? Not the other way around. "Can you excuse me." I muttered, not having the energy or patience to deal with Betty before escaping into the kitchen.

Thankfully it was empty.

I wanted this day to be over.

I wanted my mom back.

I wanted Jax.

But neither were here.

My chest felt tight and my eyes felt heavy from crying and I was starving. I stared at the many covered dishes residing on the counter and turned away from them feeling nauseated even looking at them though.

I leaned against the counter listening to the indistinctive chatter coming from the living room and the sound of my heart pounding in my ears. My eyes glanced at the flowers sitting in a blue vase on the dining room table.

A bouquet of yellow roses mixed with baby's breath.

I walked over to the table and checked them for a card fearing who they may have come from. I found a card nestled inside and quickly opened it feeling my breathing increasing substantially.

'My deepest condolences.' – J. K.

I crumpled the note in my hand and picked up the case of flowers without thinking and hurled it into the wall. It shattered and broke leaving a trail of water running down the wall and a small hole in the drywall.

I stumbled back slightly raggedly breathing and turned to see everyone in the living room staring at me.

"Hey, what happened? Are you okay?" Lena said, frantically rushing to my side looking me over then turning her attention to the broken vase on the floor. It felt like I was losing my mind.

Without a word I stormed off into my bedroom down the hall and closed the door, leaning against it as sobs escaped from me. I swiped the lamp and clock off the bedside table by the door feeling my body trembling. I screamed swiping everything off the desk next; throwing a pile of books across the room along with another lamp. It hit the mirror hanging on the wall and that shattered as a tortured sob racked my body causing me to fall to my knees in the middle of the floor.

I never even heard my bedroom door open. I couldn't over hearing myself crying and gasping to get air into my lungs. Two strong arms wrapped around me. I looked up to see Deacon kneeling next to me. Without a second thought he pulled me against his chest and let me cry.

"I know, kid." Was all he murmured into my hair.

We sat like that for a while.

I must have cried until I fell asleep because when I woke up I was in bed. Jax was sitting quite awkwardly on the window seat across the room. Judging by the sliver of moonlight peeking through my curtains I could assume it was dark out and all my guests have gone home. I sat up slowly feeling disoriented glancing around at my mess of a room.

"Hey," Jax said, softly. He got up and walked over to me as I got out of bed. "Where were you?" I asked, my throat burning.

"I had to cool off. I talked to Unser and Hale about Kohn. He's not gonna bother you again." Jax said, but I had trouble believing him. I hugged myself then fidgeted with the dress I still had on. "Lena and Deacon said you had a rough time today." He gestured towards my mess of a bedroom.

"Yeah I did. You weren't here." I tossed back then lowered my head. "I'm sorry." I didn't want to snap at him. Not when all he was doing was trying to help me. Protect me. I let my hair down

I stepped around Jax and pulled a pair of shorts and a tank top out of my dresser and reached around to unzip my dress, only to find it was stuck. "Dammit."

"Let me." Jax offered. He stood behind me. I could his heat radiating against the back of me. He gently brushed my hair to one side so he could see the zipper at the top of my neck.

His fingers just barely brushed against my skin. He gave the zipper a small tug and it broke free; I felt him unzip it all the way. Slowly, I turned around to face him. He brushed some loose strands of hair behind my ear an stepped closer to me.

Without a warning I found myself tearing up again and clutching his necklace that dangled from my neck. He took my face in his hands gently and looked at me. "He was here. He left flowers on the dining room table. He's everywhere and he's nowhere. What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to get over all of this?" Letting go of the necklace I placed my hands on his wrists and closed my eyes.

"I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, Rowan. I can promise you that."

"It hurts, Jax." I whispered. The ache in my chest growing more and more prominent.

"What can I do?" I opened my eyes to see his own looking directly at me. All I saw was concern and admiration in his eyes. I swallowed the lump in my throat needing this pain to go away. I need it to stop. I wanted to feel anything but this ache.

I touched his chest slowly. "Make it stop."

He seemed to understand what I couldn't quite say because he pulled me in and kissed me. His lips working mine over gently and tenderly. He wasted no time letting our tongues come together. A shot of heat pooled between my thighs as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I felt his hands brush down over my bare shoulders. My arms. He pulled me into him even more. His hard on pressed against my stomach. My heart skipped a thousand beats remember what it felt like to have him inside of me.

I needed that. Craved that.

A small moan escaped from me as I pushed his cut off his shoulders. He shrugged out of it keeping his lips on my own. His fingers tangled through my hair as his lips smashed into my own. This kiss was heated; aggressive and bordering on violent. He sucked my lip into his mouth and pulled it between his teeth. And. I. Loved. It.

He ripped my dress down off my shoulders and pushed it down the rest of my body. "Fuck." He hissed, taking in my body. His shirt came off next landing somewhere behind him.

Jax guided me to the bed as he nipped and sucked all along my jawline and neck. The back of my knees hit the bed and I fell on my butt on the mattress making me eye level with Jax's chest.

I planted kisses across his stomach and felt his hands tangling in my hair holding my closer to him. He lifted my head and leaned down to take my mouth with his as he crawled on top of me blanketing my body with his own.

I fumbled with the belt buckle on his jeans causing him to lean back and undo it. He slipped my panties off after removing his jeans and boxers. My heart hammered in my chest as I took off my bra and tossed it on the floor. Right now in this moment he was all I could think about.

It didn't take long for his lips to crash into mine. He cupped my breast and rubbed his thumb over my peaked nipple sending shockwaves through my body. He sucked roughly along the side of my neck over my pulse point causing my hips to buck forward.

Jax guided my hip over his and lined himself up at my entrance. I could feel him pressing against me and squirmed needing him. I caressed his cheeks and kissed him without restraint as he pushed into me. I whimpered at the intrusion but didn't stop kissing him until he was all the way inside of me.

I was ready to fall apart. The slightest movement he made made me tighten around him. "Fuck. You're so wet. I fucking can't get over how good you feel around me." He whispered, out of breath.

"Jax," I moaned wanting him to desperately relieve this ache that now burned at the very core of me. Slowly, he began to move in and out.

My fingernails dug harder and harder into his shoulders and back with each slow thrust. I wanted this feeling to last forever. He caressed my cheek with on hand and rested his forehead against my own and with each gradual movement his lips met mine.

This was the second time we've been like this and it was different than the first time. It still hurt a little, but the way he was being was different. The first time we had sex it was hot frenzied and wild. This right now was gentle and meaningful. We weren't having sex. No. This felt like more; we were making love. Each movement was gradual and slow and drawn out.

Just when the elastic band inside both of us was about to break, Jax whispered in my ear, "Let me take the pain, darling." And he did… Over and over.

 **A/N: Sorry for the little hiatus guys! Took a little break! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I just wanted to say that Deacon will have more moments with Rowan regarding her mom. I didn't forget about them. I just think it's important that Jax be there a bit more right now because of everything going on.**

 **Let me know whatcha think! :D**


	44. Chapter 44: AK-15's

**Chapter 44**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

The night ended all to quickly and I found myself lying wide awake the next morning on top of Jax staring at the antique white paint on my bedroom wall.. His arms were wrapped around me protectively; one hand was still partially tangled in my hair as the other rested on my bare shoulder. There was no safer place than being wrapped up in Jax Teller's arms, yet I still found myself involuntarily flinching at every noise that I heard. The faucet dripping in the bathroom. The floor creaking as the house settled. A car driving down the street. All these simple sounds had me on edge. It's been quite some time since I've been home. I already missed the sounds of the hospital. Never thought I'd admit that.

My head rested over his heart. I counted each steady heartbeat out in my head. Last night was a great distraction, but it didn't take the ache in my chest away. Something told me nothing ever would.

I felt Jax's fingers move in my hair as he stirred awake. Then two lips kissed the top of my head causing me to look up at him. He stared down at me with a sleepy weak grin on his face. His eyes were still heavy with sleep. "You been awake long?"

I shook my head and laid it back down on his shoulder, running my fingers gently up his chest and resting my hand over his heart. "Not long."

The shallow numbness that I felt yesterday began to slowly creep back in the longer I was awake.

"What happens now?" I asked.

"What do you mean?" He replied, running his fingers down my bare back along my spine.

"How do I move forward and be okay after all of this. What do I do?" I didn't know if I was regarding the whole Jerry thing or my mom or both. Everything in my life felt so uncertain, except for Jax. He was the only steady thing I had in my life right now. Besides Lena and possibly Deacon.

Jax sighed. He pulled my thigh over him and rested his hand on my thigh lightly squeezing it and massaging it with the tips of his fingers. His morning 'friend' was waking up to say hello. My cheeks flushed red as I snuggled in closer to him craving his warmth and touch. My body was so attuned to him it was unnatural.

"Now you do the best you can to heal and remember your mom. You let me worry about that ATF dipshit. He's not your problem anymore, he's mine." He said sternly. I glanced up at him to see his jaw was clenched tightly shut. I could only imagine the things he wanted to do to that asshole yesterday.

I caressed his cheek fingering the stubble on his face before kissing him. "Thank you." I whispered, unable to keep my voice steady.

Jax looked at me confused at first, then it dawned on him what exactly I was thanking him for. He brushed his thumb over my cheek and held my face his hand. "I'd do anything for you, Ro." He pulled my lips towards his and kissed me without restraint. When he pulled back he looked at me like I was the moon surrounded by a million little tiny stars.

"Until this whole thing with Jerry gets settled I don't want you alone. Not here, not anywhere. I want you with someone from the club or me at all times. I'll have the prospect take you anywhere you need to go if I can't be there." He told me, looking at me with a serious expression tugging at his features. I nodded my head in agreement. "I think you should come stay with me for a few days at my house."

I didn't object. Instead I nodded my head, excepting his help. "Okay." In all honesty I didn't think I could stay in this house alone anyway. I needed to get out from under Jerry and find a new place anyway. He was creepy as fuck and this house felt to much like my mom. It was full of her stuff. I just couldn't handle being around it all quite yet. "Can we keep the Jerry thing between us? Don't say anything to Deacon?" I asked, not wanting one more person to have to worry about me and my problems.

"It stays between us."

We lied there in bed tangled up in skin for a while. Jax must have sensed I was tearing up a little thinking of everything because he pulled me closer into his chest and said, "So, this is your room, huh?" It was a small attempt to distract me from my own thoughts and it made my heart swell.

I glanced around my small room, taking it all in. It was a bit messy at the moment with clothes strewn about the room and the books and desk supplies I had shoved off the desk in the middle of my mental breakdown.

"It is. Do you approve?"

"There's a little too much chick shit in it for me." He chuckled. I scoffed looking around my tiny room. There were a few floral pictures hanging on the walls and my bedspread was white with a black outline of flowers. Those were the only two things that constitutes as chick related.

"I'm sorry, but Maxim and Harley posters aren't really my thing." I said, hiding a small smile against his chest. My eyes caught sight of the smattering of dirty blonde hair that ran from his belly button down and I shuddered involuntarily.

"I don't know. This looks pretty Maxim to me." He pulled the bedspread up and looked at my naked body. I smacked him in the chest causing him to drop the blanket and laugh. He rolled over forcing me onto my back and kissed me, gentle and slow at first, then a bit more aggressively. "I like your room." He whispered, just grazing his lips against my own once more.

"That's better." I approved.

"I like the things we can do inside this room." He dipped his head and kissed my lips repeatedly until they were all but raw. He nipped at my neck as I closed my eyes and let the feelings swarming within me take over. "Last night was incredible. Taking you bare like that. I thought I was losing my mind." He took my earlobe between his teeth.

It dawned on me we hadn't used a condom last night. I was glad I started taking birth control after we were together the first time.

Jax placed tender kisses all the way down my chest, across my stomach and then went even further. Jax was like music and my entire body was listening and falling for every single note and melody he created.

 **Two Weeks Later**

"Rowan!"

I heard my name being called but from where I had no clue. My sneakers were covered in Crimson blood and my ears were ringing from the sound of the gun going off. I was having the dream. Again. I'd relived the night of the warehouse shooting over and over and over again in my head, almost every single time I closed my eyes to sleep. Only this time when I looked up I didn't see the Mexican man that had wanted to hurt Jax, I saw my mom. Ever since her funeral my dreams have somehow involved her and I don't understand why.

I'd never hurt my mom in any way shape or form, so why was shooting her in my dream. Guilt? I should have spent more time with her. I should have been there by her side when she took her final breaths.

"Rowan!"

My name echoed in my ears as the realization of what I'd done began to set in. I shot my mom. Blood stained the front of her white nightgown as she stared at me expressionless. But I didn't really shoot her. This was a dream. A nightmare. One I couldn't wake up from.

"God dammit, Rowan! Wake up!" I felt myself being jerked awake as Gemma's shrill voice rattled my eardrums. I peeled my head off the desk at TM and wiped the drool off my chin with the back of my sleeve glaring up at her. "The phones been ringing for the past twenty minutes. Think you can answer it?"

"Sorry, I dozed off I guess." I mumbled, taking my sleeve and wiping the sleep out of the corners of my eyes and then the small puddle of drool off the desk.

"Shouldn't you be at home? Resting?" Gemma said looking down at me seemingly somewhat concerned. She propped her hand on her hip waiting for my response.

The truth is I couldn't stand being at home. I couldn't handle being at Jax's all day alone either. The silence was deafening no matter what. The whole thing with Jerry had Jax and I both on edge and having Half Sac sit at the house all day babysitting me couldn't have been fun for him. So I figured I'd come back to work and at least let him be here at the garage with the guys.

If I was here, I was safe.

At least that's what I've been telling myself for two weeks now.

I sighed. "No, I need to be here. Work is a good distraction for me. I need to keep busy, otherwise I'm going to fall apart and I'll be like Humpty Dumpty and you'll never put me back together again."

Gemma's head have a slight nod before she walked over to sit down on the tattered plaid couch in the corner of the office. I noticed how red her face was and how she was fanning herself. She sighed, "Shit. Is it warm in here to you? Feels like Satan's sauna in here."

"I think it might just be you. I'm in a sweater." I pointed out. The air was cool blowing in from the open office door.

"You've been saying its hot in here all week. Are you sure your feeling okay?" I arched a brow at her as she continued to fan herself. Sweat had formed across her forehead. Her face was red and her chest had formed a red rash across it.

"I'm fine Nurse Jackie." Gemma shot back at me. I rolled my eyes and got up to get her a damp paper towel in the bathroom. I handed her the paper towel and sat back down in my chair behind the desk.

"I'm going through menopause." Gemma said quietly after a long moment passed between us. My mom had went through that pretty earlier herself. Gemma didn't look that old. I wondered if something could be wrong with her thyroid for her to be going through this so soon in her life, but that was my half ass nurse training kicking in. "Clay and I are in an odd place. I'm losing my juice if you know what I mean."

It took me a minute to figure out what Gemma was getting at but when I did I felt nauseated all over. "Oh, wow. That's not something I need to hear about." I shook my head and shuddered.

Over the past two weeks Gemma and I have sort of gotten used to each other's sardonic sarcastic ways. I could tell Gemma was still wary of me and Jerry, mostly because she grilled me about it constantly, but I said nothing. I'm pretty sure she knows what's going on though. She hasn't asked for her gun back yet.

"We're all women here, sweetheart. Pussy is pussy." She said, as I glared at her.

"Talking about pussy with my boyfriends mother was exactly what I wanted to do today." I shot back sarcastically. Gemma smirked and lit up a cigarette them wiped her forehead with the paper towel I'd given her. "You know my mom went through the same thing and she took this stuff called Estroven. It's an herbal supplement to help balance out the symptoms of menopause. You might want to try taking some. Or just some black kohaish."

"When we run those checks to the bank, you can come in the drug store and show me what it is." Gemma said between puffs of her cigarette.

I nodded my head agreeing to go with her as Clay's large figure appeared in the doorway. He gave me a nod and said, "Can I have a minute with my wife."

I got up without a word and made my way out of the office. Jax was walking towards me away from a few croweaters he was just talking too lighting a cigarette as he walked. Ugh. I tried not to be judgmental about the women that hang around the club but I can't stand Star and that other tramp Ima. They were always here and always lingering around Jax.

Today they both wore short jean skirts that hardly covered what the good lord gave them and crop tops and here I am in skinny jeans and a sweater because it's cold. A large rollback truck carrying a bunch of oil drums had pulled on the lot blocking my view of the two sluts hanging by the club entrance.

"Hey, babe." Jax kissed my cheek and pulled me into his side. We hadn't seen much of each other today because he had to get up earlier than usual to head out somewhere with Piney and Deacon to meet some old war buddy's.

"How you doing today?" Jax asked. I stood in front of him and latched my fingers onto his cut as the truck parked by the garage. I caught Ima looking over at us and stepped closer towards Jax. "I'm okay right now." I told him. The past two weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions. One minute I'm fine and the next I'm in tears and can hardly breath. I'll see something that reminds me of my mom or smell something that reminds me of her and I'll just lose my shit.

Jax has been amazing through all of it. He doesn't say much when it happens. Instead he just holds me close and let's me work through it. "Do you think this is over?" I questioned, referring to Jerry. Ever since Jax knocked him down a peg I haven't heard or seen from the weirdo. Not that I'm complaining.

"Let's hope. I'm not letting my guard down though and neither should you. I don't want to risk anything, not with you." He leaned in and kissed me sweetly on the lips. "You doing okay staying at my place?" He caressed my cheek with his warm calloused hand as I nodded.

"I like staying at your place." I assured him, sneaking my arms under his cut and wrapping them around his waist. Jax smirked and let his eyes roam over me stealing my breath away in the process. "You look so damn sexy today."

I laughed and looked at him funny, "Seriously? Of all the words you could use to describe me, sexy is not one of them. Especially not when I'm wearing jeans and a sweater."

"I guess I didn't get the memo about Tuesday's being mini skirt day. I mean where do they shop slut barn." I grumbled watching Ima and Star flaunt themselves past the guys as the headed back inside the club house.

Jax looked at me with amusement sparkling in his eyes. "Don't pay attention to them." Easier said than done Teller.

He licked his bottom lip and slid his hand around to the back of my neck shaking his head. "I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."

"Yeah yeah…" I mumbled against his lips as he kissed me.

"What kinda shit is this?!" Clay hissed from behind us. Jax and I both turned to look at him only to see him stalk off towards the truck that pulled in a few minutes earlier.

Juice and some red headed chick got out of the cab of the truck and walked around to the front. Clay stormed towards Juice and yanked him into him by grabbing his shoulder. "What the hell is she doing here?" He hissed, making a seen.

The pit that permanently lived in my stomach grew bigger. Whoever this girl was Clay didn't like her and he sure as hell didn't want her here.

"Shit…I'll be right back Jax sighed heavily, leaving my side and walking over towards them.

"She said she was getting out in Baker!" Juice hollered under Clays vise like grip clamped over his shoulder. The red head, whom didn't look much older than me, ran over to rescue Juice. "It's not his fault. I lied to him. I know I'm not supposed to be here. Just let me talk to someone."

"You talk to someone in another Charter, you got that, sweetbutt! Get her the hell outta here." Clay hissed, releasing Juice. He skulked off inside the clubhouse.

That was weird.

That's when it dawned on me. What Gemma had said about 'what happens on a run' clearly he knew that chick from somewhere. Nevada maybe? My throat closed up as I glanced at Jax, wondering what really did happen on that run. Why else would Clay be reacting this way to some girl showing up here. It makes sense.

Half Sac approached me with a dorky grin on his face, when he turned his head to look at what iI was looking at his grin faded. He quickly looked away and then at me. I have him the best smile I could muster up. "Gemma in the office?"

"Yeah, she is."

"I need the number for the plumber. Someone's been stuffing lace panties down the shitter again." He half laughed. What he said caught me off guard causing me to look at him with a deadpan expression.

"Are you kidding me?" I held back a laugh, I hated that I still felt the urge to laugh after everything that's happened.

"Nope, not kidding. Wish I was. Pretty fucking nasty if you ask me." I walked back into the office with Half Sac following. Gemma was standing by the window watching the scene from outside.

Half Sac asked Gemma for the number to the plumber and I watched as Jax smacked Juice in the back of the head through the office window.

"Who's that girl?" Gemma asked, extending the business card for the plumber she held out in her hand.

Half Sac shrugged and shook his head. He slipped his hand in his pocket and wouldn't make eye contact with Gemma. Usually the little perv couldn't keep his eyes off her ass and rack. "What chick? That chick," he faintly pointed out the window, "I don't know."

He's lying. He knows exactly who she is. "You're a shitty liar, you know that." I tossed out, without thinking. I crossed my arms over my chest and stood beside Gemma.

"I saw your heart skip a beat from in here when you saw her. Who is she?" The matriarch of SAMCRO prodded.

"She's just a tribe hang around." Half Sac mumbled. Gemma intimidated the shit out of him. Realization set in on Gemma's features as she shifted from foot to foot staring him down.

"Clay hit that little tart didn't he?" She accused, shooting daggers at Half Sac. It was an act though. I could see the tears welling in her eyes from where I stood.

"I don't really know who Clays hitting, besides you. He's hitting you, because you're his wife and all." Half Sac stumbled through the words awkwardly. Gemma lowered her eyes and shook her head before stepping away from him.

She shuffled over to the chair by the door and sat down. That's when I saw something I never imagined I'd see, tears began to run down her cheeks as small sobs racked through her body.

"Get out." I guided Half Sac to the door and pushed him out practically. I closed the door the garage to give her some privacy and block out the noise coming from the tools.

Clay had cheated on Gemma.

I felt like I was going to throw up.

"You too, get out." Gemma muttered covering her face with her hands.

With my hand on the door knob I paused, "I can stay if you want me too." Gemma glanced up at me with mascara running down her face and shook her head, telling me she needed to process this alone. I could respect that. I nodded and squeezed her shoulder without speaking before walking out of the office.

Standing outside the office I paced back and forth fighting my own anger at the situation. I didn't even really understand why I felt angry either, which only pissed me off more. If Clay of all people screwed around on his wife, all of them have to do it. Did Deacon cheat on my mom? Will Jax cheat on me? I won't be that stupid girl that gets crapped on by a guy, I won't. It's not me. It will never be me. Gemma's 'you love the man and you learn to live with what they do' speech is bullshit. She should see that, especially now.

I looked up from my boots to see Deacon heading from the garage towards the clubhouse entrance and made a beeline for him. My heart was pounding in my chest as I grabbed his arm. He turned to look at me, "I was gonna get cleaned up and then see if I could take you to lunch."

He was covered in grease from working in the garage. Little smudges were smeared all over his face and arms.

"Did you ever cheat on my mother?" I blurted it out.

Deacon stared at me, wiping his hands on a rag a little taken aback by my sudden intrusive question.

"Did you live by that shitty rule, 'what happens on a run stays on a run?" I waited, staring him down. I needed to know what kind of man he was.

"No." He finally spoke, "I didn't when I was with your mom and I don't now." His grey blue eyes were locked on mine and from the way he was looking at me so earnestly I believed him.

"Where did that come from?"

"You don't wanna know."

"Okay, then. Well, I was hoping I could take you to lunch and show you something afterwards." Deacon said, letting my outburst roll off his back. We'd spoke on and off since my mom passed away. Mostly just about her. It was nice to hear his version of her. It was so different from the version I knew.

"I guess so." I nodded, watching a dark blue car pull on the lot followed by a tan one. They looked like unmarked cop cars to me.

The parked in the middle of the lot blocking any cars that would need to back out. A woman with shoulder length blonde hair stepped out of the first car wearing a pant suit. Her whole demeanor screamed FED. She strutted towards Deacon and I.

"Agent Stahl, ATF." She introduced herself, holding up a badge. My stomach lurched at the mention of ATF. I glanced at the other guys with this woman fearing one of them might be Jerry.

I took a few hesitant steps backwards.

"What's this about?" Deacon questioned, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I'm looking for the owner of Teller-Morrow. Have a few questions that need answers." Agent Stahl replied curtly, she glanced at me and then back at Deacon.

"What the hell is this regarding?"

"I just need to discuss the relationship the owner might have with a Nate Meineke."

"Who?" Deacon shrugged slinging the rag he was holding over his shoulder.

"Nate Meinke," Stahl repeated, looking around the lot. "He's one of the men who held up a prison transport vehicle this morning. Killed three people with AK-47s. We found Mr. Meineke's cell phone at the scene. Last call he received was from this garage."

Deacon glanced at me and said, "Go inside and get the guys." He gently touched my shoulder as I nodded and then walked off.

Walking into the clubhouse was getting easier since I've spent some nights here recently with Jax. Ima and Star were sitting at the bar with a beer in their hands. They glanced at me and snickered as I walked past. I heard one of them giggle and mutter the word, "Bitch." Under their breath.

I was almost to the door when I heard it and whirled around on my heel. "What don't you try saying that to my face, bitch." I clenched my fists at my side.

Ima flipped her silky blonde hair over her shoulder as she got up to approach me. "Oh, I'm so sorry did I hurt your feelings. Do you need to go run home to mommy and cry, slut."

Rise above, Rowan. I bit my lip and shook my head turning to get Clay and the guys when she opened her mouth one more time.

"Oh wait, you don't have a mommy to run home to!" She cooed sarcastically, I froze. I felt my limbs stiffen and then I whirled around with a clenched fist.

I never dreamed I would connect on the first swing, but my hand slammed into her nose. Hard. Tremors of pain shot through my hand as I heard her scream in pain and watched her stumble back into her friend…

"You bitch! My nose!" Ima cried out, clutching her now bleeding nose.

"I hope it's broken!" I shot back at her turning on my heel and heading towards the Chapel clutching my hand and cursing under my breath.

 **A/N: Hope you enjoyed this long chapter! :) There's an outfit guide on Rowan's Instagram: collins_rowan**


	45. Chapter 45: One Of Those Days

**Chapter 45**

 **Rowan's Point Of View**

"What the hell is wrong with you! You crazy bitch!" Star yelled at me hysterically, trying to help Ima stop the blood from gushing out of her nose. Adrenaline coursed through my veins as I stood their paralyzed taking in the consequences of what I'd just done.

"Gimme a break. She'll live." I rolled my eyes clutching my left hand. It felt like it was on fire, tiny spikes of pain pulsated throughout my hand. I would definitely have a few bruised fingers and knuckles in the morning.

"You'll regret this!" Ima said with her hand clutching some napkins to her nose.

"Pretty sure I won't." I shot back through gritted teeth. I regretted nothing. She asked for it. She had no right to say what she said to me. And okay, maybe I shouldn't haven't decked her, but maybe she shouldn't have been a total bitch.

Snapping out of my own head I remembered why I came in the clubhouse to begin with and went and knocked on the door to the chapel. "What is it?" Clays gruff voice called out. I pushed the heavy door open slowly and peeked my head inside. "There's a bunch of FEDS out front and some ATF chick that wants to see you." All of the guys got up immediately and filed out of the room to head outside.

Jax was one of the last guys to walk out; he slipped his hand around to the small of my back when he walked out. "Jax! Look what this stupid bitch did to me! Can you believe this?" Ima rushed over, her hips swaying a little to much as she walked. The blood had all but stopped. Her nose looked red more than anything which was probably just a stain from the blood.

"What the hell?" Jax questioned, glancing at me. His eyes landed on my hand and he reached for it looking at how swollen it was getting. "What the fuck happened?"

"She's crazy that's what the fuck happened!" Ima butted in. This girl grated on my last nerve. I glared at her. If Lena would have been here she would have had a lot more than a bloody nose and right now I wish Lena was here because I would pay good money to see this girl get knocked down another peg.

"I wasn't talking to you, take a walk," Jax pointed at Ima giving her an angry look and then turned to me. Her face fell when he raised his voice at her. She looked like a puppy that had just been swatted on the butt for peeing in the house. Ima stormed off with Star hot on her heels. They were always together. I wondered if they were a matching set of something.

Jax turned to me with his jaw rigid. I could tell if he was just stressed out because the FEDS were here or if he was pissed at me for punching Ima. "What is this?"

"She started it. I finished it." I grated out. Jax sighed and shook his head.

"You can't let them get to you. You've got to for the lack of a better term, rise above them." He said, looking at me sincerely. I half laughed and shook my head at him.

"I'm all for taking the high road, trust me, I am. But when she opened her mouth and said something about my mom, I snapped. Okay?" I blurted out, in my defense. "I sucker punched her. I should have broken her damn nose." I mumbled, shaking my hand out trying to get some feeling back in my fingers.

Jax looked at me. His blue eyes completely mesmerized by me. "What?" I barked out trying to figure out what he was thinking. He ran a hand down the side of his face and smirked, "You're something else you know that?" He reached out for my hand again and examined it being careful not to hurt my fingers any more. "We'll talk about this shit later. Get some ice from Half Sac in the kitchen." He said squeezing my shoulder and kissed my cheek.

I watched him walk out of the clubhouse and then made my way into the kitchen. Half Sac was stirring something in a pot when I cleared my throat to let him know he wasn't alone.

"Oh hey, Rowan." He smiled over his shoulder. "What can I do for you?"

"I need to steal some ice from you." I gave him a weak smile, holding up my hand.

"Holy shit. Who'd you hit?" He laughed, fitting a small dish towel and then tossing some ice cubes into it. "Ima." I said. He handed me the makeshift ice pack, gently sitting on my knuckles.

"Damn. I don't wanna cross you." He scratched his head nervously. I laughed a little at that and sat down on the stool by the stove.

"Can I ask you something?" I looked at him as he lifted the lid off the pot on the stove. Something bubbled and gurgled under the heat of the flames coming from the burner. It looked like chili, but it smelled like something awful.

"Sure. Shoot."

My stomach churned.

"What's your real name?" I smirked.

"Oh it's Eddie. But everyone just calls me Half Sac cause of the whole half a nut sac thing." I chuckled at shook my head. There was never a time when he didn't bring up his balls, or lack there of, in a causal conversation.

"You doing okay?" I asked, wondering what his connection to that girl from earlier was. Obviously he liked her. But, if he liked her how the hell did Clay end up screwing her? And why was she here? "That girl from earlier, you seemed like you were upset she showed up here."

"Yeah… It's complicated. I met Cherry in Nevada and we hit it off, but you know Clay kinda moved in on her as payback for something I did." He shrugged trying not to show any emotion. So Clay screwed Cherry for what? Sport?

"Do you like her?" I asked quietly, gently prying.

"I did." He replied, "Is Gemma okay?"

I readjusted the ice on my hand and sighed, "I'm not sure." I answered honestly. How could she be okay? If Jax cheated on me I would be devastated, and homicidal most likely. I'm not crazy, but what woman wouldn't react that way.

The aroma coming from the pot kept hitting me in waves making my stomach roll. Whatever was in that pot was not agreeing well with my nostrils. I covered my nose with my hand for a second and closed my eyes, taking a few deep breaths. I watched Eddie scoop himself a bowl of chili out of the pot and gagged feeling my throat beginning to burn. "Thanks for the ice, Eddie." I said quickly, tossing the rag with melted ice into the sink and hurrying out of the kitchen.

I ran upstairs to Jax's room and puked in the bathroom. I've been nauseated on and off since my mom passed away. It's because I haven't been eating much. I haven't had the desire to eat anything really. I look at food and instantly want to shove it away. Jax ordered pizza the other night and I ate one slice and ended up throwing it back up later that evening.

Once I let my stomach settle down I brushed my teeth and then headed back outside.

As soon as I walked out the door I saw the guys gathered around Agent Stahl's car. Clay was in handcuffs. "You gonna bother mentioning a charge?" He asked calmly.

I sidled up next to Jax and Deacon. "No charges, yet. Just want to discuss your relationship with Nate Meineke. He's one of the men that held up a prison transport vehicle this morning with three AK-47's. We found Mr. Meineke's cell phone at the scene and the last call he received was from your garage."

Clay shook his head as Officer Hale steered him towards the car. "This is bullshit." Deacon grumbled under his breath. Jax crossed his arms over his chest and stared at the ground in deep thought. "Preference? Front or back?" Stahl offered Clay opening the back and front door to her car.

"Ladies choice." He sneered.

"Tattoos and chivalry. A deadly combination." Stahl replied with a wicked grin on her face. She smiled happily at us all as she made her way around to the driver side of the car and got inside. Hale helped Clay into the back and shut the door on the car.

As the FEDs and cop cars cleared off the lot I turned to Jax and Deacon. "What's going on?" I was completely confused. "That's what I'd like to know." Jax turning to Piney, Opie's father.

Most of the guys dispersed leaving Deacon, Piney and Opie with Jax and myself. They all started walking towards the garage so I followed them quietly. I didn't know if I could go back in the office and I sure as hell wasn't going back inside where Ima and that rancid chili was.

"I was in the garage waiting for you this morning. I just called Nate to confirm the meet." Piney said, hobbling along. He shoved his oxygen tubes up his nose when they slid down and glanced at Jax. "Pop, you had no idea this was going to happen."

"None of us did." Deacon said reassuringly.

"I don't get off that easy, though. I let friendship interfere with business and I should've known better." Piney said. He was tall much like his son. A little burly like Bobby but without the long beard. He looked like a sweet old man at heart.

Jax had told me he was going with Piney this morning to help him sell some guns to an old war buddy of his. All of this has to be related to that.

I chewed on a thumbnail as I listened to them talk. "You gotta reach out them, Piney." Jax said, looking at him sternly. He slipped his hands in his pockets.

"Nate won't rat on me." Piney reassured him, shaking his head.

"No, but his dipshit kid sure as hell will." Jax shot back, boarding on getting pissed off.

"It's just a matter of time before the Feds connect you to Nate and come after you too." Opie pleaded with his dad. Or at least he tried too. Piney huffed and glared at Opie. "I don't give a shit, how's that."

"Yeah, well, I do." Jax butted in. "Take him up to the cabin." Jax told Opie.

"So what? You're calling the shots now?" Piney asked irately. He looked at Jax on disbelief, clearly having an issue with taking an order from someone a hell of a lot younger than him.

Jax walked over and stood in front of Piney, with his head held high. "Until Clay gets out. The VP patch means this shit lands on my back."

"The backs of children." Piney muttered, then stormed off. Deacon skulked off after him cursing under his breath.

"He's just pissed at himself." Opie said as Jax stood beside me. I felt his hand touch the small of my back and felt shivers run down my spine at his touch.

"That old bastard saved his ass in Khe Sanh, but the rest of that crew. They killed cops and innocents." Jax said letting his voice trail off. He glanced out across the lot towards Main Street. I looked in the direction he was looking an noticed one of the blue unmarked cop cars that had been on the lot a little while ago was now parked on the curb watching the garage.

"We'll find em.'" Opie tried to reassure his best friend.

"You call Trammel?"

"Trammel called earlier looking for Clay." Opie replied.

"Alright, good. There's no way we're getting those guns out of here with the feds parked out front." Jax sighed. Opie slapped him on the shoulder as he walked off.

I turned to Jax trying to process all of what I just heard. "What's going on?" I whispered, standing in front of him. He pulled a cigarette out and lit it, taking a long drag off of it. He blew smoke out of his nostrils an it was one of the sexiest things I've ever seen.

"It's nothing." He kissed my cheek, and I latched onto his cut before he could walk away. He arched an eyebrow at me. "Jax, this doesn't seem like just nothing. What's happening right now."

"You don't need to worry about it."

"Well I'll worry about you anyway, so just tell me." Jax gave me that look. The one he does when he cant believe something I've said or done.

"Piney's old war buddy went and shot up that prison transport this morning with our AK's. We've got ten of em' left on the lot that need to be delivered today, but I can't get them off the lot with the Feds watching our backs." Jax explained, seemingly happy that he could talk to me openly about this.

He said Tara never wanted to talk about the club stuff or know anything. But I feel like I have to know. I need to know if I can handle this. If I can be okay with what this lifestyle entails.

"Can I do anything to help you." I offered looking up at him. He caressed my cheek with one hand and kissed me sweetly but roughly, just enough to make me want more. "I've got this. But thank you."

 **SOA**

After I watched Clay get arrested I left the lot with Gemma to run checks to the bank and stop by the pharmacy. I could have easily wrote down what she needed to buy, but for whatever reason she wanted me to tag along with her.

We had just finished at the bank and we're heading to the pharmacy now. Gemma hadn't said much about what happened with Clay. "Are you okay?" I asked glancing at her from the passenger seat of her Cadillac.

"I'm just fine." She replied, as if nothing had even happened this morning. She stared straight ahead keeping her eyes on the road. So what? Just like that all's forgiven? "I don't know how you do it."

"Do what?" Gemma questioned giving me a sideways glance.

"Clay cheated on you. And he's just going to get off Scot free?" I tucked my knee up under my chin resting my foot on the seat. "I'm not judging. I'm just trying to understand how this all works."

"If you love the man then you put up with all of his shit. Including the wandering dick syndrome." Gemma pulled up to the curb outside of the pharmacy and put the car in park and shut off the ignition.

"There's a cure for that, it's called castration." I shot back at her with a smirk. A small smile tugged at the corners of her lips, her eyes fell to my redden still half way swollen hand.

"Let me guess slammed it in a car door?" She lit a cigarette as I held up my hand.

"No I punched Ima." I told her flatly.

"What? Why?"Gemma asked.

"Because she's a bitch." I shrugged, did a person need another reason? I did feel bad about hitting her deep down, just a little. I wondered what my mom would have done in that situation had I been the one to die and she be the one to have someone make a smart remark about it.

I didn't know if Gemma would be pissed I hit Ima and really I didn't care.

"Sounds like a valid enough reason to me." She said and with that she was out of the car. I got out and walked inside the pharmacy with her.

Gemma wasn't as bad as I had originally pegged her out to be. She had her moments where I couldn't stand her, kinda like I did with my own mom, but she was tough. I was starting to see why she put up that hard rough exterior wall with everyone. Look at the shit she has to deal with. A cheating husband who runs illegal guns as a business. Plus, all of the croweaters that hang around the club circling the guys like vultures.

"I've got to pick up a prescription. You get that Estroven or whatever the hell it is." I nodded and wondered off to find it in the vitamin aisle.

I found Gemma at the front of the store waiting at a cash register. She paid for her prescription and the Estroven I gave her. As we were walking out of the pharmacy a bunch of kids fly by on skateboards. The one boy fell off of his skateboard as Gemma and I walked past. "Skinny little bitch." Gemma muttered darkly under her breath. I looked up to see that girl Cherry walking down the sidewalk.

Before the words "Oh, shit," could even get past my lips Gemma was picking up the skateboard lying abandoned on the sidewalk. She charged Cherry and swung the skateboard, a hard thud and a scream indicated that she made contact. Cherry fell to the ground clutching her bleed nose as Gemma stumbled backwards away from her slowly without a word.

I stood there on the sidewalk frozen with my hand over my mouth. "Gemma! Jesus Christ." I yelled, not knowing whether to go help the girl crying on the ground. "My nose! Why did you do that to me!" Cherry cried out. Citizens of Charming that had been moseying along minding their own business were now beginning to gather around Cherry. A few women from the nail salon still in their spa day robes knelt down next to Cherry offering her a tissue.

Gemma sat down on the curb. Her exterior wall was beginning to crumble. "Gemma we should go." I knelt down next to her. Someone must have already called 911 because I could hear a siren off in the distance. Pretty soon charming's finest would be here… "We really need to go."

"No you need to go. Take my car and head back to the garage. Keep an eye on the office." Gemma said, looking at me. I stood up running a hand through my hair and shook my head. This is crazy. This whole thing is nuts. Guns. Cheating. All of it.

I guess today is the day for everyone to get free nose jobs…

 **A/N: Thank you for all the lovely reviews! May you all find your very own Jax Teller someday! ;)**


	46. Chapter 46: Running Out Of Time

**Chapter 46**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Doing as Gemma said, I took her Cadillac and drove it back to Teller-Morrow after following her down to the station. I attempted to try and bail her out, but Gemma refused to leave the cell according to Officer Hale. And I thought punching Ima in the nose was bad. Gemma cold cocked that chick with that skateboard. I couldn't help but laugh a little internally. Honestly, I didn't blame Gemma for taking out her anger on the woman that slept with her husband, although she should be stabbing Clay in the dick. I mean that body part is what started it all to begin with.

I parked Gemma's Cadillac by the office where she normally parked it and got out scanning the lot for Jax. I spotted him up on the roof of the clubhouse building. You've got to be kidding me… I hate heights. I debated on calling him down, but instead took a deep breath and started climbing the flimsy ladder up to him. One rung at a time. Don't look down, don't look down, I chanted squeezing my eyes closed until I reached the top.

"Hey, darling." Jax's soothing voice met me when I reached the top. I opened my eyes to see him closing the binder that held his fathers manuscript. "Help me…" I said shakily, trying to climb over the brick wall onto the roof.

Jax chuckled and came to my rescue, grabbing my hands and helping me safely maneuver myself over the small brick wall. He didn't let go of my hands and I didn't want him to. From up here you could see the entire lot, garage and junkyard in the back. It was actually quite a beautiful sight. If I weren't internally panicking from being up this high I might try and snap a picture. "You okay, your hands are shaking."

"I'm fine, I'm just not a fan of being this particularly high off the ground. I mean if God wanted me to be this high up he would have given my ass wings.." I mumbled peering over the edge of the roof imagining myself tripping and tumbling off to my death. That'd be how I'd go. 'Local Girl Trips Off Roof and Dies' the news headline would read.

Jax slid his hand around my side and pulled me in close to him. The smell of the leather from his cut and cigarette smoke instantly calmed me. "I ain't gonna let you fall." He smirked. "Where's my mom? Didn't you leave with her?"

"Yeah about your mother, she's insane."

"Tell me something I don't know." Jax chuckled shaking his head. I shook my head and half laughed nervously. "She got arrested for assault with a deadly weapon." I arched my eyebrows waiting for Jax to respond.

"Wait, what?" He asked confused as hell.

"We came out of the pharmacy and she spotted that Cherry girl and fucking broke her nose with a skateboard." I explained slowly. Crazy doesn't even begin to cover what happens earlier.

"Jesus Christ. Leave it to my fucking mother to pile even more shit on my back." Jax let go of me and paced back and forth on the roof as he lit a cigarette. "What? Did you and my mom smoke the same hash this morning? What is with you two and bashing chicks in the face."

Heat rushed to my cheeks. It was a little embarrassing now that I had time to think over hitting Ima. Would I do it again? Hell yes.

"Look do me a favor and go bail her out of jail." Jax said reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a wad of cash. I held my hand up stopping him, "I already tried to bail her out, she won't leave."

Jax sighed and took a long pull off his cigarette shaking his head. He clenched his jaw shut and stared at the crappy blue car the Feds were sitting in across the street watching the place. I'm guessing from the worried look on Jax's face they haven't found a way to get the guns off of the lot.

Jax flicked his cigarette off the roof and ran a hand down the side of his face as I cautiously walked towards him. I touched his arm. He gave me a weak smile in return and tucked a loose blonde curl of my hair behind my ear. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, darling." He kissed me gently on the lips causing me to step closer towards him. "I got to go check in with Juice, come on." He took my hand and led me to the ladder. I watched as he went down first and then I followed. As I got to the bottom I felt him place a hand on my lower back to make sure I wouldn't fall.

We walked into the clubhouse together. I was glad to see Ima had made herself scarce. Deacon was leaning over Juice at the desktop computer off to the left. "You got anything?" Jax asked strolling over there.

"Nothing's coming up under Meineke other than some discount mufflers." Juice informed him. Jax shook his head clearly frustrated as the door to the clubhouse opened. Opie and Piney came walking in.

"What the hell? I thought I told you to go underground!" Jax barked, an edge to his voice as he stared down the old man.

"Nate reached out," Piney held his hands up in mock surrender. "He's in some survivalist bunker outside of Woodbridge Forest."

Jax perked up at this news and pushed off the couch he'd been leaning against next to me. "You got to reach out to em.'"

"And then what happens?" Piney asked incredulously.

"They killed three people in cold blood and there's straight line back to this club. What the hell you thinks gonna happen?" Jax snapped back at him as if it were all obvious.

Bobby and Chibbs walked into the main room we were in a moment later with displeased looks on their faces. "Trammel just called. The Feds got a warrant to rip this place to shreds." Bobby informed everyone. My heart sunk into my stomach as realization set in for me. If they didn't get those guns off the lot and out of their possession they were going to get arrested. I crossed my arms over my chest and glanced at Jax.

"Shit. Cabin! Now!" He ordered Piney. The old man didn't quite seem to like that because he shoved Jax backwards and yelled, "Who the hell do you think you're talking to!?" Jax went back at him and I found myself pushing him back with Deacon while Bobby and Opie and Chibbs tried to pull Piney back. Everyone was yelling and arguing over nothing.

"Alright, alright, alright!" Deacons voice boomed over everyone else's and suddenly everyone broke apart. "Ope get Piney out of here." Deacon ordered, giving Piney a glare as cold as ice. Piney grumbled and stormed out of the clubhouse. Opie followed after him.

Jax looked at me apologetically and turned away from me to light another cigarette. I've learned that he's a stress smoker. Jax and the guys walked outside to make sure Piney and Opie were leaving. I follows after them. Piney went by in his bike followed by Opie as I came out the door. The roar of the bikes made my entire body vibrate with energy.

"You'll never get these guns out of here with the Feds parked out front Jackie boy." Chibbs said eyeing the car on the other side of the street.

"Yeah, well, them Feds open up them oil barrels, we got a new charter; Stockton State Prison." Bobby chimed in shaking his head. Jax took a deep breath and clenched his jaw shut. The little muscles in his jaw popped and flexed making him look incredibly sexy. I couldn't help but feel afraid though. For them. For me. I've already lost my mom, if something happened to Jax or even Deacon it would crush me.

They are all I have left.

"Go meet with Laroy and tell him he'll have his guns by the end of the day." Jax instructed Bobby. He nodded his head and walked off towards the garage. "You gonna Houdini this stuff out of here, brotha." Chibbs asked, his accent was so heavy it almost made it hard to understand him.

"Let me take them." I blurted out. I've never been able to capture the attention of three men more quickly in my entire life. All three guys turned and stared at me. "What if I take them?"

"No, you can't." Jax said flatly, completely dismissing me. "I'm serious. I can take them. I can get them off the lot unnoticed." I tried to make him realize it could work. They'd never suspect that id have them.

"I said no." Jax looked at me sternly. I glanced at Deacon to see him mulling the possibility over. "Jax," I tried to plead with him but he held his hand up cutting me off abruptly. "I said no! It's to fucking dangerous. Besides its my problem. I'll handle it."

I rolled my eyes as he started to walk off towards the garage. I followed after him grabbing his arm as we walked. "Let me help! You don't exactly have many other options. The Feds are going to be here any minute to tear this place to hell. I can get them out of here."

"You don't get it. The Feds watch everyone, us, and the people we're close too," he said as we walked into the garage. Deacon pulled the garage doors closed behind us. "They'll know your car, they'll know who you are. It's too risky." He finished giving me a harsh look.

I let out a breath. This was going to go so badly. I wasn't going to lose Jax over something this stupid. "Go back in the clubhouse with the prospect." He told me. I gave him a look and muttered 'don't tell me what to do' under my breath as I started to walk away feeling defeated.

Standing in the doorway to the office I remembered Lena's car was here to get a front end alignment. If I took her car I'd have a greater chance of being undetected. Her windows were tinted, so anyone looking at the car would think it was just someone leaving the shop with their car. It's risky, but it could work. I turned on my heel and walked back over to Jax. Over his shoulder I could see Chibbs and Juice opening the oil barrels that had been brought in on that truck earlier this morning. They pulled out several AK's and rested them on top of the barrels.

"Jax, I can do this. I can take Lena's car and drive right off the lot. Have Bobby and Chibbs leave at the same time so all eyes are on them." I told him sternly. "No, you can't. It's to dangerous. If you get caught it's game over. I'm not putting that on you."

"Yeah, and if you get caught it's game over for all of you." I snapped back a little harsher than I originally intended.

"Well, Laroy doesn't want the guns." Bobby bellowed as he walked into the bay.

"What why?" Jax questioned.

"Too much heat." Bobby replied.

"Shit." Jax mumbled. Deacon approached his side and said, "We're running out of options and time here Jax. I think we ought to let her take the guns."

That shocked the hell out of me and Jax both. "You can't be fucking serious right now." Jax shook his head looking at Deacon like he had a thousand snakes spewing out of his head. When Deacon didn't say anything he said, "Holy fuck you are serious."

He paused licking his bottom lip and then looked at the guns thinking shaking his head. "No." He simply said. Ugh, I wanted to strangle him.

I grabbed his arm and pulled him off to the side and looked him in the eye. "Jax, trust me. I can help. Please. I'm not ready for someone else that I care about to be taken away from me." I glanced at my father and then back at Jax. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you. But that's not what this is about, Ro."

"I can do this. Put them in Lena's car," I pointed to her shitty dodge neon in the far bay, "You've helped me through so much. Let me help you." I pleaded with him. My heart was pounding wildly in my ears the entire time. Jax caressed my cheek and closed his eyes.

He didn't want me to do this because he cared about me. I had to do this because I cared about him.

"We're running outta time here, VP. You need to make a call." Deacon said as he walked towards us.

Jax opened his eyes and removed his hand from my cheek. "Load the guns in the dodge neon." He instructed, then he grabbed my hand and pulled me into the office. He wrote down something on a piece of scrap paper and handed it to me. "Your gonna drive them straight to the cabin. The directions are on that piece of paper. Don't stop anywhere. Opie and Piney will beat you there. I'll let em know you're coming."

I nodded my head in understanding and followed Jax back out into the garage. Jax told Chibbs to leave in the tow truck and had Deacon escort him on his bike. I got in Lena's car while they finished loading the guns into the trunk and waited, chewing on my bottom lip. This is so wrong. On so many levels. But it feels like the right thing. Deep down in my bones it feels right.

Deacon leaned in window and gave me a reassuring smile. "You've got this kid." He squeezed my shoulder as I nodded my head. The trunk was slammed shut and Deacon disappeared from the window and Jax appeared.

"You don't have to do this. There's still time for me to find another way." He said looking at me with mixed emotions. He was scared for me to do this and in all honesty I was a little terrified too. "You're out of time. And I want too." I reassured him.

He leaned in the window and held my face in his hands and kissed me gently on the lips, taking my mouth however he wanted. Our tongues met briefly and he bit my bottom lip as we broke apart. "Alright. Go. Before I change my mind."

He stepped away from the window as I started the car. I rolled the window up and through the tinted glass could hardly see his face. Lena's shithead boyfriend at the time had tinted her Windows for her a long time ago, illegally of course. I back out of the garage and turned around in the parking lot and got behind Chibs in the truck and Deacon on his bike. I watched as they left first and waited a few minutes before pulling out onto Main Street.

I watched in the review mirror as the unmarked cop car pulled off away from the curb to follow Deacon and Chibs. It worked. Our plan was working. It was almost to good to be true. My palms were sweaty wrapped around the steering wheel. I drove down Main even further keeping my eyes on the road. I came to a red light and stopped, I pulled the directions out of my pocket to the cabin and looked them over.

The sound of sirens made my head snap up. Three black SUV's whizzed through the light followed by the familiar hatchback that made me physically want to vomit. The light turned green and I pressed my foot on the gas as Jerry drove straight passed me…

 **A/N: Eeep! I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Rowan is in some deep shit now! ;) I have a poll up on my profile page for you guys to vote on; help me pick Jax and Rowan's baby name when the time is right! I'd love it if you voted for your favorite name!**

 **Next update will be on Monday night! Check out Rowan's Instagram at: collins_rowan for sexy pics of Jax ;)**

 **You all blow me away with your kind words and encouragement! Thank youuuuu!**


	47. Chapter 47: That Girl

**Chapter 47**

 **Jax's Point of View**

Not even five minutes had past since Rowan left the lot with the guns when ATF showed up like a pack of wolves ready to raid the place. They literally had nothing better to do than harass us. I prayed to God Rowan made it to the cabin without any issues. Opie knew she was on her way and promised to keep an eye on her when she made it up to the cabin.

Every part of me hated having her take the guns. If something were to happen and she got caught with them I'd lose my damn mind. But fuck, having her offer to help me, to help the club, was something I didn't expect and the way it made me feel was something I also didn't expect. I've never had a solid woman I could rely on in my entire life besides my mother and even she's shifty. Tara never would have offered to help the club, at least not like this. It was above her it always seemed. But Rowan, she doesn't see above and below, she just sees me and it does something to me. Sometimes I wonder what she could possibly see in some outlaw biker with a death wish.

I laid on the ground next to the prospect and Bobby and Tig and Juice with my hands cuffed behind my back while ATF ransacked the clubhouse and garage looking for something that thankfully they wouldn't find. "Stay down." One of Charming's finest jammed his boot into my back. I rolled my eyes and groaned in pain a little but kept my mouth shut.

About thirty minutes later someone said, "Get him up." One of the officers grabbed me by the forearm and tugged me to my feet. My eyes landed on Agent Jerry Kohn. The mere sight of him had my blood boiling and my hackles rising. I was thankful Rowan left when she did.

"You have fun playing wreck it Ralph in there?" I asked cockily, as the officer shoved me towards Kohn. He glared at me with a sick twisted fucking smirk on his face I wanted to punch right off.

"You biker assholes think you're untouchable." He began, taking off his dollar store sunglasses and placing them in his pocket. "And hell, maybe you are, but you don't know how far I can reach. You got a beautiful baby boy, Teller. I was just at the hospital checking in on him."

I stepped forward clenching and unclenching my fists behind my back. This guy sent murder rushing through my veins. "You stay the fuck away from my family and my club." I hissed through a clenched jaw. I stared him right in his cold dark eyes.

This guy was sick.

"Beautiful baby. Beautiful girlfriend. Speaking of, where is Rowan today? I was hoping to get a look at her." He asked with a sly smirk. He glanced around the parking lot looking for her and it took everything in me not to lose it. I didn't want him anywhere near her. I didn't want him to think about her or see her.

"You get off on all this don't you?" I snapped back at him. He gets off on torturing and scaring the fuck out of my girlfriend.

"You know, it's a real shame this is going to be their future. Your son. Rowan if she sticks around. Although, I don't know why she would. A girl like her needs to be taken care of in ways that a man like you can't. Financially. Emotionally. And my personal favorite psychically. Clearly," he flicked my cut with his finger and then gestured towards the bikes parked over by the clubhouse entrance, "you're over compensating for something."

The things that he implied that he wanted to do to Rowan sent rage coursing through ever bone in my body. Just thinking of him touching her in places that only Ive touched made me want to kill the son of a bitch. This wasn't about the club. This was becoming personal and I would personally like to kick the shit outta this fucking prick. "You talk a big game when my hands are tied behind my back. Why don't you cut me loose an then we can have a real conversation."

Kohn smirked at me and then put his sunglasses back on and stared at me.

"Looks like it's your lucky day, fellas." Agent Stahl crowed behind me. I didn't break eye contact with Kohn though. "We're finished here. Cut em loose." Stahl told the officers that had been watching us all. The officer unhooked my cuffs and I took a few steps towards Kohn.

"We'll talk soon, Teller." Kohn said backing away like a scared little bitch towards his piece of shit hatchback.

 **SOA**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

The sun was setting for evening when I finally made it to the old gravel access road that led up to the cabin. As I winded my way through the woods a small log cabin came into view. I spotted Opie's truck and Piney's bike parked off to the side in the grass. I pulled in beside Opie's truck and got out. My stomach had been in knots since I saw Jerry heading to the clubhouse. I wasn't even worried about driving illegal weapons around in the trunk of my best friends car.

The sound of a screen door opening and shutting pulled me out of my own stupor. I walked around to the trunk of the car as Opie came trudging down the wooden front steps of the cabin.

"You made it," Opie gave me a sweet smile. "I wasn't sure if you'd be able to find it when Jax said you were coming up." He continued saying.

"I almost missed the turn, but I made it." I nervously laughed breathing in the earthly smell that lingered from being surrounded by so many trees. Opie nodded his head. I handed him the keys to Lena's car and said, "They're all in there." I pointed towards the trunk.

Opie took the keys and nodded his head. He was so much like Jax it was uncanny, safe for him being a giant and all. A man a few words. "You think you were followed?" He questioned as we both walked slowly towards the front porch.

It was cluttered with old fishing gear; poles, tackle boxes. A wooden bench with plaid pillows and mildew growing on it sat under the window by the front door. It was a charming little fishing cabin. I smiled as we walked up the front steps.

"No. I paid attention and even doubled around before I made the turn to come up here. No one followed me." I assured him. Thanks to Jerry I'd gotten pretty good at noticing that sort of thing.

Opie held the door open for me and we headed inside into the living room. Piney was sitting on the old plaid couch by the window. "Can I get you a beer?" Ope asked, stepping around me while I took in the cabins décor. It looked like something right out of a Bass Pro Shoppe catalogue.

"Hell yes." I replied, slowly wondering around looking at pictures hanging on the walls and sitting on the mantle of the fireplace. Opie disappeared around the corner into what I assumed to be the kitchen and reappeared with two beers.

He handed me mine. "Thanks." I smiled and went to take a drink of it but the smell hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt my stomach lurch. Not wanting to be rude I decided to just hold the bottle.

"You know the club won't forget this. We appreciate what you did today." Opie said, watching me as I looked at the pictures some more. "I gotta ask though, why would you offer to do something like this for the club?" Opie asked, skeptical of my answer.

I picked up a picture that had to have been Jax when he was younger. A young blonde boy hung on a rope getting ready to swing out over the river. "I didn't do it for the club." I looked up at Opie and he glanced at the photo and realized what I was implying. "I did it for Jax. For Deacon. For you." I stared at him, feeling weird for already being so attached to all of these people.

A small grin tugged at the corners of Opie's mouth and he nodded his head. "Thank you." We tapped out beers together as in saying cheers and I knew that I'd done the right thing today.

 **SOA**

I sat on the couch with Piney and Opie and talked about what Jax was like as a kid. My god did they have some stories to tell. If Abel is anything like Jax was he's done for. It was nice to be away from Charming. Away from all the bad things that have happened. Although as I sat talking and smiling here an there I still felt that hole in my chest. That gaping hole that appeared when my mom passed away.

It was half past eight when I heard Jax's bike pull up out front along with Deacon and Chibbs and Juice. I was sitting curled on the couch nursing my first beer when Jax walked in the door followed by the others. I stood up and walked towards Jax as soon as his eyes landed on me which was the same time he reached his hand out for me too. His hand slipped around my side and palmed my back as I wrapped my arms around his neck hugging him tightly. Jax sighed into my neck relieved and kissed my neck lightly tickling it with the hair from his beard. "Nate called. He wants to make a deal on the rest of those AK's." Piney butted into our moment.

Jax let me go and I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked to see Deacon staring down at me. He gave me a small side hug that for once didn't feel so forced. "You did good, kid. I'm proud of you." He whispered, and then just like that retreated into the kitchen. That was the thing about Deacon that I was slowly learning. He only opened up in small doses where as I usually blew open in one large dose.

"Russell knows nobody will touch them. Ten grand for all 36." Piney said informing Jax of the new number their guns were apparently worth now that they'd been used in a drive by.

"Shit. Those guns are worth ten times that." Jax said shaking his head. All right, set it up. Me and Ope will make the run." Jax finally said looking at his best friend.

"Now, you can't go without me. They won't trust you." Piney grumbled pushing himself up off the couch. It creaked in protest.

"You okay tying up this loose end?" Jax asked Piney. He looked concerned for the old man. I'd learned in talking to Piney and Opie that Nate was a friend of his from when he was in the war and the fact that this Nate guy had duped him really stirred up some shit.

"You know, you don't have to ask me that." Piney relied honestly, then he wondered off into the kitchen to get another beer I'm sure.

Jax pinched the bridge of his nose and then opened his eyes and looked at me. He smiled warmly and pulled me close like I was what he needed to solve all of his problems. He caressed my cheeks and kissed me on the lips slowly and longingly. "What happened at the clubhouse?" I asked, when he pulled back.

"They trashed the place, but didn't find shit. Thanks to you." He gave me a cocky sideways glance. "I saw Jerry when I left."

"Yeah, he was there." Jax let go of me and pulled a pack of cigarettes out of him pocket along with a lighter and lit up. I squeezed my eyes shut trying to push Jerry out of my mind and my life all in one, but to no avail. "Everything's fine, Rowan. I promise. He's not gonna come near you again."

I looked at Jax and just wanted him to be right about this. I wanted this guy out of my life for good. For three weeks I thought I had gotten my wish, and now he's back. And for what? Me? Why me?

Jax and the guys brought in the AK's and assembled and disassembled them at the dining room table getting them ready to be sold to Nate. I sat back on the couch watching them all gathered around the table laughing and joking. The sound of more bikes outside broke up the good times. Clay and Bobby walked through the door a few moments after the bike engine outside cut out.

"Welcome back!" Juice bellowed, a little drunk from the four beers he'd knocked back. "Welcome home, brotha." Chibbs chimed in raising a glass of bourbon to Clay.

"The dough is here." Bobby smiled taking a seat at the table picking up one of the guns to examine it. Clay wondered into the kitchen and back with a beer. He took a long swig of it.

"Feds trashed the clubhouse, but the search turned up nothing. We got the guns out." Jax explained leaning against the back of one of the dining room chairs. "Ah, correction," Chibbs held up a hand, "Jackie Boy got the guns out with the help of this fine young lassie over here." He gave me a salute that made me chuckle.

Clays right eyebrow arched as he looked at me. I ripped my beer bottle towards him and nodded my head in response. "Well, you have mine and the clubs gratitude."

I have Clay Morrows gratitude. For some reason I feel like that's an even bigger deal than winning an Oscar. I really could care less of what Clay thinks of me. I didn't do what I did for him. I did it for everyone but him. I've lost respect for a man whose cheated on his wife. I can't help it. Even if that is the law or rule that they all live by. He pulled out a chair and sat down relaxing into it.

"ATF's got shit. It's all smoke." Jax said.

"Yeah, they're onto the oil barrels." Bobby added.

"By the time the warehouse is rebuilt, we'll be a distant memory for the AT&F." Clay spoke confidently.

"Mom home?" Jax asked before taking a shot of his beer.

"She wouldn't let me post bail." Clay admitted. All. Of the guys hooped and hollered, ragging on him.

"Shit. She is pissed." Jax laughed. I scoffed and discreetly rolled my eyes picking at the beer label on my bottle. It was still full. Who can blame her for being pissed off?

"Yeah, that she is." Clay acknowledged. I got up off the couch suddenly needing some fresh air. The cabin felt to stuffy with everyone inside. I heard Jax say, "Well, we're handling Meineke and his crew." As I walked out onto the front porch.

The cool night air hit me as I sat down on the front step. I hugged myself to keep warm and stared at the stars that blanketed the Northern California sky. Five minutes later I heard the door creak open and shut behind me. I didn't have to turn around to know it was Jax. He sat down on the step next to me with a cigarette.

"You okay?" He questioned, tucking some hair behind my ear. Butterflies swarmed in my stomach when he did that.

I nodded my head. "I'm fine." He continued to stare at me not buying it and the longer he did the more sick to my stomach I felt. "No, I'm not fine." I got up and paced in the gravel.

"What's going on, Ro?" Jax studied me as I paused and stared at him.

"Do you know why your mom assaulted that girl today?" I asked, he shook his head, "Because she's nuts."

"No, because Clay cheated on her while you guys were in Nevada." I told him, and from the look on his face he already knew that much. Unbelievable.

"Gemma told me about the whole 'what happens on a run stays on a run,' bullshit rules you guys live by. How are you okay with what he did? I mean I shouldn't even care about this but I do."

"I don't get involved in Gemma and Clays relationship, that's on them, not me." He said getting up and walking towards me. I stepped away from him involuntarily.

"Do you live by that rule?" I asked feeling my throat tightening. Jax lowered his eyes and sighed before meeting mine again. "I have in the past, yes."

"And now?" He shrugged and said, "What are you trying to say here." He reached out and touched my hand sending my head spinning. I didn't know what I wanted to say I just knew I had to say it.

"I wont be like Gemma, Jax. I refuse to be that girl. The one that gets cheated on and just takes it because she thinks that's how things have to be." I blurted out, staring at him. I needed him to hear me, "I'm not like the girls that you're used to and I won't be those girls. I can't. I don't wear the skimpy clothes and walk around always turned on like they do. And if that's what you want or what you need them im not the girl for you."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down." Jax said when he saw how worked up I was getting. He caressed my cheeks and held my gaze. "I don't need you to be anyone other than who you are. I don't want anyone, but you."

I couldn't help but scoff lightly. "You say that now, but what happens when your drunk and alone on a run or wherever? Then what happens?" He had to understand that cheating was a deal breaker for me. And with all of the temptations thrown his way daily, could I trust him?

Jax gave me a look and shook his head as he leaned in and kissed me. His tongue working into my mouth with ease. Jax was air and the only way to breath was to kiss him. I slid my hands up his chest and clutched the collar of his cut as his hands clutched my sides holding onto me for dear life. He pulled back and left me dizzy and reeling from that kiss. "It'll be you. Every time."

 **A/N: Well, Rowan made her stand against cheating! Now will Jax be able to keep it in his pants? ;p lol. Thanks so much for voting on the baby name poll! There will be a Rax baby but it won't be without a twist!**

 **I just wanna take a second to give samcrog over on Instagram a shoutout for helping me find photos for Rowan's account! She is the bomb dot com and you all should follow her! :)**

 **So today I found out I have a cracked rib, yikes! Three hours at the ER, not fun! But on the upside it means I'll be relaxing and writing more so WIN!**

 **As always your reviews make my day! I eat them up like m &m's which I'm currently eating at 3am btw… :)**


	48. Chapter 48: Deal Breaker

**Chapter 48**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Jax and I sat down on the front steps next to each other and continued to kiss. He cradled my face with one hand and had the other palming the small of my back; letting it slide up under my shirt in the back scorching my bare skin with his touch. Our bodies couldn't have been any closer together, unless I sat on his lap and at this rate I just might. I had to pull back for air and rested my forehead against his panting for breath. Jax gave a the phrase "take my breath away" a whole new meaning.

"I don't wanna play games Jax." I told him, my thoughts redirecting back to our conversation about how our relationship was going to work. "Neither do I. You're not a game to me. This. Us. Isn't a game. I know this world, my world, is a lot to take in and it's not easy, but I want you to be a part of my world." Jax whispered, gently grazing his thumb over my cheekbone. I played with the buttons on his shirt.

"Cheating is a deal breaker for me, Jax. I can handle a lot. I mean I think I've handle a lot. The guns. The violence. I can get over most of that, but infidelity isn't one of the things I can get over." I told him. I placed his hand over my heart and gave him a weak smile feeling myself tearing up for whatever reason. I've never been this open with a guy before, but I've also never felt this way about a guy before. "I gave you my heart. Please don't make me regret that."

Jax's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed hearing the words that just came out of my mouth. Part of me wondered if he'd get up and run for the hills. I mean most guys don't want to have heart to hearts like this. I felt his warm eyes searching my own and heard my heart pounding in my chest. "I won't." He spoke, his voice husky and strained. He kissed me on the lips gently at first, but that gentleness quickly turned urgent. His hand roamed down over my shoulder and side until it was clutching my thigh. "Let's go inside." Has murmured against my ear before nibbling on my earlobe.

I wanted nothing more than to go inside, but everyone was inside including my… father. Having someone walk in on us would be mortifying. "What if someone walks in?" I asked, biting my lip shyly. An eruption of laughter came from inside causing Jax and I to both look at the screen door. He placed a kiss on my nose and took my hand pulling me to my feet.

"What are we doing?" I asked. He took off in a jog pulling me along with him. He stopped next to Opie's truck and opened the door, then pushed my up against the side of the truck and kissed me passionately. My arms immediately wrapped around his neck and my fingers tangled in his blonde hair. "Come on, hop in." Jax smirked, giving me a hand into the truck before climbing in himself.

I sat in the middle of Opie's truck next to Jax in the driver seat breathlessly. "Where are we going?" I half laughed confused as to what on earth he had cooked up in his head. He pulled the visor above his head down and a set of keys fell into his lap. As he kissed me he started the truck. The energy buzzing between us was so intense I thought I was actually buzzing.

Jax drive down the driveway to the cabin and turned off onto another old hiking trail road that looked like four wheelers had cut a path into. He drove for a few minutes until we were pretty far back in the woods. It was just us and the trees and I loved it. He put the truck in park and turned to face me with a smirk as he caressed my face pulling me towards him to kiss me.

In an instant Jax had pulled me into his lap so I was straddling him. I bit my lip as he stared at me through the lights on the dash. The light from the clock casting green shadows across his face. He gripped my neck and kissed me without mercy. It was all tongues and hands moving, searching for something more. Jax groaned as I kissed the corners of his mouth and down his neck. I bit down gently over his pulse point and felt him pulling my hips down as he rubbed his hard on against me. I shuddered feeling him brushing against me. "Fuck." He whispered, slipping his hands up under my tan sweater. I leaned back slightly and with his help pulled the sweater and tank top over my head.

Jax's hands roamed up my sides and around my back. His fingernails digging into my skin as we kissed. It felt so good, so right, to be with him like this. I unbuttoned his shirt and helped him shrug out of it and his cut, shoving everything onto the seat next to me. Jax's lips roamed down over my neck as he left a trail of kisses along my collarbone. My head fell back gently giving him better access. A spark of pleasure shot straight to my core as I clenched my legs around him. "Oh god." I whispered, as Jax unhooked my bra. He tossed the garment to the side quickly and without any warning took my breast in his mouth. I gasped as his gently bit down on the overly sensitive skin. His head fell back against the window of the truck and our mouths found one another like magnets. "I want you." He breathes heavily, unbuttoning my jeans.

"I want you too." I reassured him. God, did I want him. I wanted everything about this man. Jax helped me remove my jeans which was a feat in itself. My ass hit the horn twice and I burst into laughter along with Jax. "We're terrible at this." I laughed, not caring that I was half naked sitting on top of him hysterically laughing at a horn going off. "That just means we'll have to keep having sex in a truck, you know, to get better at it." Jax chuckled kissing me without restraint.

I wanted this feeling to last forever. I wanted to always have his hands on my skin and his lips on my own. We made love in the front seat of Opie's truck in the middle of the woods and it was perfect…

 **SOA**

After a while of lying tangled up in the front seat of the truck we got dressed and headed back to the cabin to head to bed. Everyone was sacked out for the night as we crept into one of the bedrooms. Jax fell backwards onto the bed and I crawled in and snuggled up next to his side. I lied there next to him and listened to him breath as he dozed off. His slow steady breaths lulled me into unconsciousness.

I woke up the next morning feeling nauseated. I quietly climbed out of bed and walked into the bathroom fearing I was going to puke. I splashed some cold water on my face and placed my hands on the edge of the sink and lowered my head telling myself not to throw up. I knew I was nauseated because I wasn't eating much. I didn't eat anything at all yesterday. I glanced up at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes had bags under them and my skin was pale. I sat down on the edge of the tub and took a few deep breaths like my mom had always made me do when I was little and on the verge of throwing up. I winced thinking about her.

Whenever I was sick as a kid she would make me chicken and rice and give me frozen pineapples to suck on to sooth my stomach. I missed her warm calm smile that would reassure me I'd be okay. I shook my head and wiped the tears that ran down my cheek as my stomach growled. I needed to put something in my stomach.

I crept out of the bathroom, glancing at a shirtless Jax lying sound asleep still in bed and headed out into the living room. Deacon was asleep on the couch under the window, his limbs strewn in every direction making me think he fell asleep drunk. Juice was face down at the dining room table. Bobby was sacked out in one of the recliners. I stepped over Chibbs carefully and headed into the tiny kitchen in search of some food.

Well, I searched but didn't find any food. As I closed the fridge I turned on my heel to see a very sleepy Opie staring back at me. "Hungry? I'm starving." Opie yawned.

"Very. But unless you want stale toast, you're out of luck." I glanced at the old loaf of bread sitting on the cluttered counter. "I'll head out and pick some stuff up." Opie said wiping the sleep from his eyes.

"Mind if I tag along?" I asked.

"Actually I'd prefer it. I think I'm still a little drunk from last night." He dug in his pocket and then tossed me the keys to his truck. I involuntarily blushed as flashes of Jax and I in his truck went through my mind. "Let me grab my shoes."

I snuck back into the bedroom and slipped my boots on and pulled Jax's black and grey plaid button up on over my black tank top. Jax was still asleep. I crept over and kissed his lips lightly not wanting to wake him up completely. He stirred awake a little, opening his eyes. "Hey." I grinned sleepily.

"Go back to sleep." I felt his arm wrap around my waist as I sunk down on the bed beside him on my knee. "I'm going to the store, I'll be right back." I assured him, "I'll take you, I don't want you going alone."

I kissed him again. "I'm going with Opie. I'll be fine." Jax nodded and squeezed my thigh then closed his eyes again.

Opie and I headed to the store and picked up some eggs, bacon and I had the sudden craving for cool whip and my frozen pineapples. We made it back to the cabin and I decided to cook for everyone while they stirred awake. I was squeezing cool whip into my mouth out of the can and talking to Opie while I cooked the bacon.

Jax wondered into the kitchen and got himself a cup of coffee followed by Juice. "That smells incredible." He said, rubbing his hand over the strip of hair on his head.

I felt Jax wrapping his arms around me and smiled glancing at him over my shoulder. He kissed me and then leaned against the fridge watching me while he drank his coffee. I continued to eat cool whip and pick at a piece of bacon.

"Oh, God. You do that weird food combo thing too." Juice looked at me skeptically. I swallowed the cool whip in my mouth and sat the can down on the counter arching my eyebrow at him. "What do you mean?"

"Deacon does that shit with the cool whip and bacon. He eats pickles and peanut butter too." Juice shuddered thinking about it. Obviously not realizing how delicious those foods are together. I always wondered where I got my weird food cravings from; guess now I know.

I smiled to myself.

"Why eat them plain when you can combine all the goodness together." I said. I scooped some eggs onto a plate and added a few pieces of bacon as well and handed it to Juice and then did the same for Opie and Jax.

 **A/N: Small filler chapter! I already had most of this typed up so figured I'd post it.**

 **Thank you for all the well wishes and reviews! It means the world to me!**

 **Also, thanks for participating in my baby name poll! It looks like a lot of you want it to be a girl! Which I am all for!**

 **Rowan and Jax are in a good place now it's time for shit to get real! Mwhahahahaah. ;p**


	49. Chapter 49: Navy Street

**Chapter 49**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Jax shut off his bike and I stared up at what looked to be an abandoned building. It looked like an old warehouse of some kind. The brick work was fading tremendously; the once bright red bricks now looked dull and unappealing. A few metal garage doors lined the front of the building with a faded logo that read, 'Navy Street.' Why the hell Deacon wanted me to meet him here was beyond me. I got off Jax's bike and he did the same. I removed the helmet he'd given me and placed it on his handle bar. "I've gotta stop wearing shorts when I read the bike." I told myself more so than Jax as I rubbed the red spot on my calf from the exhaust.

"Personally, I like the shorts." Jax smirked, cocking his head and placing his hand on my hip. I glared at him with a playful smile tugging at my lips, but wouldn't give him the satisfaction. Every time I smiled or laughed or felt even a hint of happiness I felt guilty. I shouldn't be allowed to be happy. Not after losing my mom. What do I have to be happy about? How can I be happy? "I bet you do."

"Are you sure we are at the right place?" I skeptically gazed at the old building. An unseasonably warm breeze blew my hair in my face causing Jax to tuck it behind my ears. He held my face in his hands afterwards. "This is it. Deacon said he's gonna give you a ride back to the shop when you're done here."

"Okay." He ran a thumb over my cheekbone and tilted my head back gently to kiss me but stopped short. "You look tired. Still not sleeping?" He asked, his voice soft and so full of concern. Sleep seemed like a foreign word to me here lately. Between the nightmares and just generally not being able to fall asleep I think I've slept maybe seven hours in the past two days combined. "I just couldn't fall back asleep after I woke up from a nightmare." I explained lowering my eyes.

Jax knew about the nightmares, but I didn't like talking about them. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Because I didn't wanna wake you up." I smiled against his lips as I kissed him. Why should both of us get zero sleep. I wouldn't do that to him. Jax kissed me letting his tongue graze against my lip; I part my lips giving him full access. His rough hands slowly brushed down my bare arms and his hands found their favorite spot on my hips. I felt him tug me into him a bit more as I ran my hands traveled up his chest; holding onto the collar of his cut. "You can always wake me up."

His hands crept underneath the hem of my American flag tank top. His fingers just brushing over the softest part of my skin. The sound of someone clearing their throat caught our attention and we broke apart. I half turned to see Deacon staring at us, well more so Jax, with his arms crossed over his chest.

I bit my lip nervously and shoved my hands into the back of my shorts pocket. "Hey, Deacon." I mumbled, feeling my cheeks becoming warm.

"Rowan," he gave me a tiny smile. He looked at Jax and shook his head approaching us. "Could you at least try and remember she's my daughter? I mean at least when I'm around." He tossed his hands in the air. Jax chuckled and got on his bike as Deacon walked up beside me.

"I could, but really, where's the fun in that old man." He shot back at him teasingly. "I'll see you back at TM." Jax said, as I leaned in without thinking to kiss him. Jax smirked at Deacon before starting his bike and then took off to head back to the clubhouse.

They'd just got the place put back together from where ATF destroyed it looking for the AK's. I was still certain I'd done the right thing in taking the guns to the cabin for them. I didn't get caught and they didn't go to jail. It was a win in my book.

Deacon gave me a sideways glance as I mumbled, "Sorry." I shrugged looking up at the building.

"So you gonna tell me why you brought me here or is this the part where you kill me?" I said as we walked slowly towards one of the metal garage doors. Deacon looked at me funny, "What? I watch a lot of horror films. Someone always dies in the creepy warehouse."

Deacon raised one of the metal garage doors slowly then walked inside a little and flipped on a light switch. Inside wasn't an abandoned building, but a gym. Black floor mats were spread out over most of the concrete floor. Punching bags and speed bags lined the wall to the left when I walked in along with weights of varying amounts of weight. There were two large rings nestled in the middle of the space. "Welcome to Navy Street." Deacon said. We walked into the building slowly.

"It's not what I expected. At all. This place is actually pretty awesome." I said, walking over and kicking a punching bag with my foot and hardly moving it. Deacon was over by the first ring picking up a pair of gloves and messing with the straps. "I used to come here when I was a kid. I had a lot of anger issues and this place helped me a lot. When Earl the man who used to own it put it up for sale, I bought it."

"Really? You own this place?" I was surprised. I walked over and joined him as he stepped up into one of the rings. The floorboards were spring loaded so I bounced a few times. "It's not much, but it's all mine. My intentions were to turn this place into something and use it for the club to make a profit legit." I paced around the ring pulling on the ropes here and there. Making profits from a gym definitely wouldn't bring ATF straight to your door. "If the club can make money legitimately, why risk it doing something illegally. Like selling guns?" I asked.

"Greed." Deacon answered simply.

"Why'd you bring me here?" I questioned, trying to figure out what this was all about.

"I wanted you to know, if you ever need an escape this place is here." Deacon said, sincerely. I nodded my head and continued to pace around the ring. I wanted to ask him about what John wrote in his manuscript, but it didn't seem like we were on that level of sharing yet. I was treading lightly with Deacon. Afraid that if I asked to much I'd learn something I might not like.

"So what did your mom tell you about me?" He asked, leaning back against the ropes, crossing his legs over each other. I've learned in talking to Deacon that when he was unsure of what to say next he would almost always steer the conversation towards my mother.

I felt a lump forming in my throat at the mention of her. It was hard to talk about her but I needed to. "She really didn't tell me anything about you; hence not knowing who you were for twenty one years. I always just assumed you were a guy who forgot the condom and bailed."

Deacon chuckled shaking his head at that. "You are the spitting image of your momma, you've got that same church pew heart and rock and roll mouth she had." I took that as a compliment; as it was intended. "How'd you two meet anyway?" I asked, scuffing my sneaker across the flooring of the ring.

"Your mom was working in a diner at the time. And I came in everyday. Always ordered the apple pie and coffee and sat in her section. One day she brings me my pie and she sits down at my booth as she's pouring me a cup of coffee and says, "Are you ever going to grow a pair and ask me out." So, I asked her out." Deacon gave me a grin as a hint of euphoria washed over him. It sounded like my mom. I swallowed hard and felt a tear falling down my cheek.

"I miss her." I whispered, my voice unable to stay steady. Deacon looked at me solemnly and said, "So do I."

"It's not fair." I wiped the tears spilling from my eyes and shook my head. "I feel guilty for being here and she's not. Like it should have been me. I catch myself smiling and feel like such a bad person. You know? What right do I have?"

"Rowan, we all grieve in different ways. It takes time. There's no right or wrong way to grieve. Your momma, she loved you. I don't know a lot, but I do know that much. She loved you so fiercely and so strongly and wanted nothing more than to see you happy. You should be happy that she's not suffering anymore and she's at peace." Deacon said. The warm tears stung my eyes as I stood there listening to him. "Becca would want you to be happy."

I glanced across the ring at Deacon and smirked. "Careful, Deacon. You're starting to sound an awful lot like a dad." I feigned shock as he smirked back at me.

"I bought a book, smartass." He shot back. He reached down and picked up a pair of gloves and tossed them to me. I barely caught them. "Enough of this mushy shit. Whaddya say you go a round with the old man. I know you can throw a mean right hook." He arched his eyebrow at me, referring to that bitch Ima.

I pulled the gloves on as he did the same and stepped closer to him. He gave me pointers on my standing and we went a few rounds. For an instant I got to feel what it would have felt like to have a dad. I was never a girly girl by nature, the gym felt like home to me whereas the mall felt like home to Lena. I wanted to ask him why he didn't chose us. Why he stayed with the club instead of being my dad. But I didn't want to ruin this nice moment, so I reserved that question for another day and another time.

We spent a good hour at the gym before heading back to Teller-Morrow. Deacon and I walked towards the small makeshift boxing ring that was set up by the clubhouses side entrance. Eddie was in the ring using Lowell as a human punching bag. Poor guy. Tig and Bobby and a few of the more decent hang around swerve drinking beer and enjoying the show. Cherry was leaning into the ring talking to Eddie. When Gemma had told me Cherry was hanging around I about pissed myself. I couldn't believe she would even tolerate her being here, but it wasn't me so I kept my mouth shut.

Jax knew where I stood with that. I was trusting him. I just hoped it didn't come back to bite me in the ass.

 **A/N: This was a short one, but hopefully a good one! Promise more to come soon.**

 **QUESTION: I may have asked this before but I can't remember, so I'm gonna ask again. Do ya'll want me to write more of Jax's POV when it comes to following the shows club stuff? I've been thinking of adding it in more just for storyline sake, but it would be a lot of repeat dialogue if I couldn't reword it well enough. Is that something you guys want or do you like the more family aspect like I'm going for?**

 **There's an outfit guide up on Rowan's insta: collins_rowan and thank you for voting in my baby name poll on my profile! Please vote if you haven't already!**

 **Okay byeeeeee!**


	50. Chapter 50: Old Bones & Should've Knowns

**Chapter 50**

 **Jax's Point of View**

I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around myself at the same time my phone went off on the nightstand. I walked out of the bathroom to pick it up, expecting it to be Rowan. My brows furrowed together as Tara lit up the screen. My mind instantly jumped to the kid as I answered it. "Hey, Tara. Everything alright with Abel?" I questioned quickly, sitting down on the edge of the bed to brace myself for the worst.

"Hey! No. He's fine! This is a personal call. I should have waited and called when I was off shift." Tara replied, chuckling lightly toward the end. I let out a sigh of relief as I got up to start getting dressed. I know they said Abel was out of the woods, but it still worries me every time I get a call. Especially with that ATF dick sniffing around my girl and my kid. "Good. So, what's up?" Other than anything dealing with Abel I had no clue why she'd be calling me. This was the most Tara and I have talked since she left Charming years ago.

"Well, it's about the Cutlass. It's still acting up. I was wondering, well more like hoping, you could swing by the house and take a look at it later today. I get off around noon; maybe you could pick me up?" Tara asked. I pulled on a pair of boxers and jeans.

"Yeah, don't see why not." I said, suspecting an ulterior motive behind this.

"Great. See you then, Jax." Tara said before hanging up the phone. I pulled on an old blue SAMCRO t shirt (the one Rowan loves to sleep in so much) and my cut, then headed downstairs in search of Clay.

I'd stopped to fill the bike up with gas after I'd dropped Rowan off and overheard two deputy's inside the convenience store talking about how three bodies had been dug up off of 44 Clay needed to know about it, just in case it was one of ours. We're running out of time to get Mckeavy the 200K he needs to keep us flush with the Irish. Otherwise, he'll sell to the Russians and we lose the Irish pipeline to our guns. I'm starting to think maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing. John always wanted the club to go straight. To do that we need to get rid of the guns. It would be hard and we all would fucking struggle but going straight could work…

As I lit a cigarette I walked out the side exit to the clubhouse and spotted the guys watching Half Sack go a few rounds in the ring with Lowell. A few hang around glanced at me with sultry smiles. I was interested. My eyes roamed over a pair of tan legs that I'd know anywhere and I felt my heart rate like I'd stepped on the accelerator. I paused drinking up the beautiful sight before me. My eyes skimmed up the back of her legs and moved onto her full ass and her back and bare shoulders and neck sticking out of that tank top. Her golden locks were pulled up into a pony tail exposing even more of her neck. Scenes of us in bed this morning flickered in my mind. I felt my dick tightening against my jeans. "Fuck." I muttered under my breath.

She's gonna be the death of me, I swear to god.

"Half-Sac, bomaye! Get in there kid!" Chibbs hollered standing beside the ring watching the prospect and Lowell dance around each other.

After flicking my cigarette bud onto the asphalt I snuck up behind Rowan and slipped my arms around her waist. She jumped slightly turning her head and seeing it was me. A smile formed on her lips and my heart pounded against my chest. Seeing her smile was one of the most thrilling and beautiful things I'd ever laid eyes on. Then again, she was one of the most thrilling and beautiful things I'd ever laid eyes on. "I see you and Deacon didn't kill each other. I'll take that means things went okay?" I arched an eyebrow.

"Surprisingly well." She confirmed. I kissed her shoulder and then her lips briskly. Rowan relaxed into me. "How's Sugar-Ray one-nut looking?" I asked. Rowan laughed and intertwined her fingers with mine over her stomach.

"Rocky Bal-one-nut! Rocky Bal-no nuts sounds better!" She offered glancing back at me. I chuckled and so did she.

"My money's on Lowell!" Tig yelled, sitting over on the picnic table next to Deacon and Bobby. They all had a beer in their hand and a smoke in the other. The prospect, trying to show off, swung and smacked Lowell in the head, knocking him back into the ropes. Poor bastard'll be even more brain dead. "Now he's just getting cocky." Chibbs chimed in. Half-Sac one two'd Lowell a bunch of times in retaliation to the comments being throwed his way. "Anyone can beat up a junkie, kid. Doesn't mean shit. Show me something I ain't seen. Chibbs said, then took a swig of the beer in his hand.

"My damn daughter can hit better than you, prospect." Deacon yelled, shaking his head. He glanced at Rowan almost proudly.

I kissed the side of Rowan's neck and let go of her. I pulled an old crate over and sat down on it, extending my hand out for her to take, which she did immediately. I pulled her onto my lap as she giggled like a five year old. She draped her arm around my neck and sent shivers down my spine. I held onto her hip with one arm and rested my other one between her thighs. "You still going shopping with Gemma." I asked. Her blue eyes stared down into mine as she nodded. "Yeah. I'm just waiting for her to get here. She wanted help picking out some stuff for Abel. I don't know why she wanted me to come with her though. I think she's just trying to keep me occupied."

"Good. Make sure she doesn't buy him any of those preppy kids outfits. I don't need him running around looking like a douchey golf player in polos and cargo shorts." Rowan smacked me in the arm playfully laughing. "Don't say that!"

I shrugged, "What?" Smirking, I kissed her not giving a fuck who was watching. "I'll be sure to get him a cut and a Harley then." She laughed against my lips.

"Dyna Wide Glide, preferably." I told her. Her fingers were touching my neck now and I was thankful she was sitting on my lap because the hard-on I had was only getting worse. Jesus Christ. The simplest things she did set me off. "You're an idiot, Teller."

Cherry was hanging on the ropes to the ring watching the prospect fight. "Where'd you learn to fight like this." She smiled up at Half-Sac. He paused pummeling Lowell and said, "Junior Lightweight Champion: Armed Forces Boxing Competition."

Damn, I thought. Rowan looked like she was thinking the same thing from the astonished look on her face. I let my thumb run circles over her thigh. "That's so hot." Cherry beamed up at him.

The sound of a bike pulling onto the lot caught my attention and I looked to see that it was Clay, followed by my mother in her car. I watched Clay get off his bike and kiss Gemma through the car window. After Clays fuck up in Nevada I'm surprised his nuts aren't in a vice. I glanced at Rowan and noticed she wouldn't look at Clay. She didn't understand how Gemma could just forget and forgive his indiscretions.

It surprised me when she sorta blew up at the cabin about Gemma and Clay and laid it out for me. Then again, everything about her surprises me. I knew from the beginning Rowan wasn't just some one night stand. I would never treat her like the croweaters that hang around the club. I'm glad she told me how she felt. It was refreshing and honestly hot as fuck. I had no intentions of breaking her heart, because I think seeing her shattered would shatter me too…

"Things all better with the misses?" Tig snickered as Clay approached us.

He waved him off. "My balls are still attached." He noticed Lowell in the ring and rolled his eyes, "Shit, Lowell get the hell out of there. Whose dumbass idea was this?"

Tig and Bobby both pointed at each other. Rowan chuckled and I looked at her with a smile pulling at my features. "I don't mind, Clay!" Lowell hollered before getting sucker punched. "I'm helping Half-Sac train!"

Lowell's old man used to work for us before bailed on Lowell and his old lady. Kids had a rough go of it with being hooked on every drug known to mankind. "Well, you've killed enough brain cells. Come on, back to work." Clay ordered, beckoning him out of the ring with a hand. Clays sorta taken him under his wing since his old man bailed. Gave him a job and helps him pay for daycare for his kid, Moby.

Lowell got out of the ring as Clay sat down next to me and Rowan on a stack of old tires. "Gemma's waiting for you, darling." Clay said to Rowan. She gave him a small grin and got off my lap. I got up and followed her away from the guys.

"Hey, take this," I dug a few hundred dollars out of my pocket and slipped it into her back pocket, "for the kids clothes and shit."

"I'll see you later at home?" She asked and I smiled hearing her say home. She was still staying with me and hearing her call my place home sounded so god damn good. "Half-Sac is fighting tonight at this bare fist brawl thing. Totally unground kinda shit. You wanna come with me?" I wasn't sure if she'd be interested in something like that. But her eyes lit up and she said, "Hell yes!"

"Is there betting?" She asked. I nodded, "Big time."

She reached into her back pocket and took out one of the hundred dollar bills I'd just slipped in and handed into me. "I want in on that action." She smirked, kissing my cheek before backing away slowly staring at me. "I'll place the bet, but half of that's mine!"

"We'll see!" She flipped me the finger and laughed before getting in my moms car.

God. I think I'm falling for her.

I walked back over to the guys and caught the tail end of the conversation taking place. Clay wanted Bobby to keep an eye on Cherry. Push up on her to see if she was really here just for the prospect. That's gonna go over real well, I'm sure. If anyone of these fuckers laid a hand on Rowan or even looked at her the wrong way I'd be livid and on the verge of committing murder.

"How much money gets tossed around at these bare knuckle things?" Clay said as I took my seat again. "The purse is okay, but it's the betting that's gone crazy. I know a couple of guys last year, made six figures each." Tig explained.

"No shit?" Clay seemed intrigued. I could already guess where this was going. "The prospect could knock those lightweights out any day of the week." Chibbs added before sitting down beside Deacon.

"What'd we pull together for McKeavy?" Clay wondered aloud taking a long pull off of his smoke.

"You ain't thinking about betting on the prospect?" Bobby asked, skeptical of how that would all play out.

"You know, if Half-Sack takes his first five fights and looks strong going into the finish, we control how it ends. Could be a huge payday." Tig offered and he wasn't wrong. It was a possibility of us getting our hands on some quick cash.

"What do you think?" Clay turned his attention to me. I shrugged thinking it over. Part of me wanted to say no, don't worry about it, we'll just let the Irish sell to the Russians. But I know how that will go over. "I don't know. But I do know there's no way we're raising 80 grand in the next four days, so might be our only shot."

"I'm in." Clay said, smacking Tig on the shoulder as he rose to his feet. "Call Unser see if he wants in on some of this fight action." He said to me as I got up to follow him.

"He's probably out on the job. Overheard t the gas station that Water and Power dug up some old bones." I said, slipping my hands in my pockets.

Clay paused and looked at me. "Where?"

"Old route 44." I said. Tig and Deacon walked up beside Clay and I got this uneasy feeling in my stomach like SAMCRO had something to do with those bodies.

They all shared a worried glance with one another.

"What?" I finally asked, clenching my jaw shut.

"Let's all take a ride." Clay suggested.

 **SOA**

We drove out to route 44 and looped around to the empty field behind where the cops and coroners were exhuming the bodies out of the ground. Clay, Tig and Deacon studied the scene before them.

"They're wheeling out two bodies." Deacon stated the obvious. We watched as they loaded one of the dead bodies into the back of ambulance.

Tig sighed. "Should be three." He said so nonchalantly. I glanced at him. "Never mind there it is." He pointed to the third body being wheeled away.

"I'm afraid to ask, but was this us?" I asked, unable to hold it in any longer. "What the fuck is going on here?"

They all shared looks with each other. Clearly this had to do something with us and SAMCRO. Once again I'm out of the loop. "Jesus Christ. Just tell me."

"Back in '92, Mexicans tried to expand their Oakland dope base. Set up a charter in Lodi. We couldn't let that happen. Was a bloody two years. Bodies dropped." Clay started to explain.

"I remember. That was right around the time my old man died." I said, lighting a smoke resting against my bike.

"We got to stop the PD from ID'ing those bodies, man. I mean, if they flag the Mayans, we're their next stop." Tig said. He was a little to torqued up about this to me.

"We can pull teeth to stop the ID, but they can still DNA test." Clay stated the obvious.

"Forensic tests on three bodies? That would blow half of Unser's yearly budget." I said skeptically. It's been so long, would they even bother opening a case on this? That's how shit worked in small towns.

"But if Hale thought it would hurt us, he could get his new fed buddies to float the cost." Clay shot back, giving me a pointed look.

"Shit, man, that was pre-O.J., right? I mean, we weren't thinking about DNA, right, back in '93. What kind of clues we got buried with those Mexicans?" He hissed, shaking his head. Deacon remained quiet. He hadn't spoken a word. Instead he was glaring at Clay and Tig. It seemed like he wanted to say something but was deliberately keeping quiet.

"If they don't know they're Mayans, they won't take it any further. We stop the identification. We stop the investigation." Clay stated and that was the end of the conversation.

 **SOA**

After swinging by the hospital and picking Tara up I gave her a ride home. It felt odd having her on the back of my bike after all these years. She kept her hands on my shoulders whereas Rowan always clutched hers around my waist. They were both so different. I always find myself comparing the two of them. I was looking under the hood of Tara's cutlass when I felt her tap me on the shoulder.

"Thought you might be thirsty." She handed me a glass of lemonade and I took it. "Thanks."

I looked up at the house behind me remembering be sneaking in and out of the front window a thousand times when I was younger. "Must be weird being home, huh?"

"Not really. I missed it, actually." I almost choked on the sip of lemonade I'd taken. I didn't believe that for a second. Tara always hated Charming with a passion. Always thought she hated SAMCRO too. I blew it off and looked back down at the cutlasses engine.

"Cutlass sounds like it's running fine. Not sure what could be wrong with it." I told her. I knew it was solid after about ten minutes of listening to it run. So, why was I here?

Tara smiled, the same bright smile she always did and looked everywhere but at me. "I have a confession. There's nothing wrong with the car."

"Yeah, I got that." I smirked.

"I've been wanting to talk to you outside of the hospital, I just haven't had the chance."

"So why lure me out here then." I half laughed. Something was off about her. I watched her tuck a piece of brown hair behind her ear and couldn't help but notice her rack sticking out of her tank top. I quickly averted my eyes feeling guilty for even looking.

Tara looked at me apologetically. "I guess I just missed being able to talk to you." I nodded my head and closed the hood to the cutlass with a thud. When I turned around Tara was closer than I expected her to be. I caught a whiff of her perfume and felt a thousand memories shoot through my body. "Tara we never really talked all that much when we were younger if you know what I mean."

Tara chuckled remembering the nights in her bedroom. When we did try and talk it was always about her trying to convince me to leave Charming with her. "Jax I didn't just leave Chicago to come home and pack up my fathers house. I was unhappy there." She started to say, placing her hand on my forearm, "I realized what I left behind. I came back for you."

Before I even knew what was happening her lips were pressed against mine. It wasn't my intention to kiss her back, but she made it hard not to. The Sparks I felt when I was nineteen no longer existed. It felt wrong. On so many levels. I pushed Tara back gently an stepped back.

"Tara, I'm with someone." I said, sternly. Her face turned red as she placed a hand over her mouth. "Who?" She looked confused and embarrassed.

"Rowan. Rowan Collins." I said, not being able to hide the smile that always came to lips after I said her name or thought about her.

Tara shook her head, not wanting to believe it. "Is it serious?"

"Yeah, it is."

"Does she know what you do?" Tara asked, incredulously.

"She knows, everything."

"Jax," Tara said, placing her hands on my chest, "do you honestly think a girl like her is going to be able to handle the club life? Do you think she's going to stick around much longer now that her mother is gone? She has no reason to stay in Charming now. You need someone that can stand by your side through it all. I know what the club is like. I can handle it."

"Really?" I laughed, "You couldn't handle it when we were younger. What makes you think you could handle it now? You don't know Rowan… or anything about her. We had a young love, Tara. If you could even call it that. Puppy love. It faded when you left and I moved on. I love Rowan in ways I never could love you…"

"I'm sorry, but I moved on. You should too. Whether that's staying here in Charming on going back to Chicago or wherever." I said, wanting her to find happiness, "I'll always care about you. But what we had is long gone and it's not coming back."

Tara looked like I punched her in the gut. I didn't wanna hurt her. But I didn't want her to think she had a chance of this becoming something. Maybe we could be friends, but I needed her to know it would never be more than that. Not again. "I'm sorry." I kissed her forehead before walking towards my bike.

 **SOA**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Gemma and I had went shopping for Abel and picked up a bunch of outfits and a bathing chair. Walking around Baby's R Us made me realize how much a kid actually needs. It's crazy. My head was spinning by the time we reached the check out counter. I made sure to steer Gemma clear of anything that would turn Abel into a tiny Tiger Woods. We were heading back to Jax's house to drop the stuff we'd bought off. "You and Jax are certainly quite the pair here lately." Gemma glanced at me.

I smiled, chewing a hangnail. "You do know him and Abel are a package deal, right?"

"Oh my god!" I placed my hand over my heart dramatically, "He has a child! Why didn't you tell me?" I gave her a 'really, come on' look. "Of course I know they are a package deal."

"Smartass. You're alright with playing house and mommy to a kid that ain't even yours?" Gemma asked, giving me a sideways glance. I had thought about what kind of role Id play in Abel's life if things between Jax and I progressed. It didn't bother me at all. The prospect of being in both of their lives made me really happy actually. It just meant I'd have one more person to love and be apart of my family. "I like a good challenge." I smirked at Gemma.

"Thanks," I said as Gemma turned onto Jax's street. She looked over at me through her sunglasses. "For what?"

"Inviting me along. For not treating me like I'm some flower that's going to blow away in the breeze. Everyone keeps asking if I'm okay since my mom… and it's nice and sweet but it gets old. So, thank you." I explained as we pulled into the driveway.

"I ain't gonna baby you. If you wanna talk about it see a therapist." Gemma said, smirking.

I laughed as we got out of the car. Her sarcastic wit was starting to really grow on me.

We grabbed the bags out of the back seat and headed inside.

I walked down the hallway to Abel's room and paused noticing the door ajar. It was closed when Jax and I left this morning because he pinned me against it and kissed me. Was the latch broken?

Stepping forward I pushed the door open and felt my heart sink to my feet. The room was compel tort trashed. The bags in my hands fell to the floor as I walked in feeling my chest tightening. The word 'BIKER SLUT' was spray painted on the far wall. Abel's dresser was toppled over onto the ground. The rocking chair in the corner of the room was busted. My eyes frantically took in the disaster.

I crept into the room more looking at the photos that had been pinned to the wall. Certain faces had been scratched out of photos of Jax and the club. There were pictures of Jax and his brother Thomas with gashes through them. My eyes landed on a picture of Jax in a very compromising position. He was having sex with some blonde haired girl… I felt bile working up my throat.

"Oh my god." I took the photo off the wall and examined it closer as tears welled in my eyes. I flipped it over after a moment not wanting to see Jax screwing some other woman. On the back of the photo on chunky handwriting read, 'Nevada Sept 23rd'

That was over a month ago. I felt tears burning my eyes and squeezed them shut and opened them hoping this was all unreal. But I wasn't that lucky. I should've known…

"What the hell?" Gemma crowed behind me. She startled me so I jumped and looked at her.

I stepped backwards and felt my feet squishing into the carpet. That's when I realized I was standing in most likely piss. "Call Jax." Gemma ordered.

 **A/N: So! Two big things happened I this chapter! :D**


	51. Chapter 51: War

**Chapter 51**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

With hands shaking I pulled my cell phone out of my back pocket and quickly dialed Jax's number. He didn't answer on the first try so I called again.m, willing him to pick up. I squeezed my eyes shut as if that would make a difference. "Hey, baby. I'm kinda in the middle of it."

"Jax, you need to come home. Now." I said, unable to hide that my voice was shaking. My entire body was trembling standing in the middle of Abel's destroyed nursery. "What is it?" Jax questioned, suddenly realizing the urgency in my voice.

"Come home." I pleaded. "I'm on my way." He said, then he hung up.

Slipping my phone back into my pocket robotically I looked down at the very graphic photograph I clutched in my hands of Jax and some skank from Nevada. It felt like someone was beating my heart with a baseball bat. It pounded painfully in my chest. How could he do that? Everything he told me was a lie wasn't it? He's not capable of being with one woman.

Rage coursed through my veins and wrapped around my bones like poisonous vines. I crumpled the picture in my hand and smoothed it out several times taking deep breaths. Tears threatened to make an appearance, but I held them back. I wasn't going to give Jax or Jerry the satisfaction.

"You wanna tell me what the hell is going on?" Gemma snapped angrily beside me.

I looked at her out of the corner of my eye and opened my mouth to say something, but ended up closing it and opening it again. It was like I turned into a fish. The words just wouldn't come out and I stood there gaping.

Gemma gave me an 'I'm waiting' face and placed her hand on her jutted out hip. "This have anything to do with your ATF landlord?"

"Yes." I nodded my head as I spoke slowly. Gemma nodded her head and it was like I could see the gears in her head turning and shifting into place. "He's why you were eyeing the gun in the office. That's who you were afraid of…" She didn't ask me so much as stated a fact.

"Yes." I swallowed the lump in my throat and felt a tear slide down my cheek. This was wrong. All of it was so wrong. How did my life turn into this? Where did I go wrong? Did I do something to make this asshole think I wanted him? Will it ever end?

Gemma's face softened ever so slightly as she stepped forward and placed a hand on my shoulder. "He touch you?" She stared me in the eye, waiting for me to answer. I knew what she was insinuating. Had he attacked me. "No, he hasn't." I breathed out, as a few more tears fell.

"Jax know about this?" She interrogated. I nodded my head feeling my stomach churning and chest tightening. It felt like I couldn't breath.

I felt myself cracking as I stood there in front of Gemma. I looked at Abel's room and down at the picture of my boyfriend screwing some other girl and an unintelligible sound escaped from me. I placed a hand over my mouth as Gemma pulled me against her chest. I cried into her shoulder as she wrapped her arms around me and held me just like my mom would have. Thinking of my mom only made me cry harder.

I didn't know how long we stayed like that. An eternity maybe? But we broke apart when we heard the sound of Jax's bike in the driveway. It shut off and on a few seconds he was bursting through the front door. "Rowan?" He called out, making his way down the hallway.

He paused in the doorway taking in the sight of his sons room. Jax walked in slowly, clenching his jaw shut. The muscles in his jaw tightened and flexed like they door when he's pissed off. "That son of a bitch." He mumbled darkly under his breath, shaking his head.

"ATF did this because of her?" Gemma hissed, looking at Jax. He paced around the room until he was standing by the door again. "Yeah, and it'll be the last fucking thing he does."

"Are you okay?" Jax asked, stepping towards me and reaching out to hold my hand. I pulled away from him involuntarily shaking my head violently. How could be okay? How could I ever be okay again? "No, I'm far from okay." I snapped. I glanced at the picture still in my hand and slammed it into his chest as I stormed out of the bedroom.

I headed straight for the patio noticing the broken glass on the screen door as I slammed it shut. So that's how he got inside? The glass crunched under my sneakers as I walked towards the empty pull. I placed my hands on my knees and lowered my head feeling the panic attack I was having getting worse.

The sliding glass door opened and shut with a whir and I knew Jax was behind me. I felt his hand touch my shoulder and whirled around to face him, pushing his hand away. I'm a colossal idiot. "Don't! Don't touch me!"

"Rowan, let me explain!" He tried to touch me again and I stepped away from him. It was like his touch was the enemy now and I hate it. I hated this sick feeling. "Explain? Explain what? There's nothing to explain! I mean a picture is worth a thousand fucking words, Jax!"

He looked like he was in pain as he stared at me with those crystal blue eyes. His features were contorted and he shook his head swallowing hard. "It's not what you think. I mean, yes I slept with her. But it wasn't like that. Okay? I wasn't into it."

I scoffed crossing my arms over my chest. "You looked pretty into it to me." I snapped wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. Jax looked at me apologetically and I had to look away because I couldn't handle it. I felt my heart breaking into little pieces.

"Listen. Listen to me," Jax pleaded, stepping forward and taking my face in his hands. I tried everything to pull away but in the end he won. I avoided making eye contact with him as he pressed his forehead against mine. I could smell his breath; a mixture of gum and cigarette smoke. "It didn't mean anything. She didn't mean anything. It happened before we even became what we are."

"Is that supposed to make it okay? If it didn't mean anything why didn't you tell me about it?" I realized maybe now that he made me remember it happened before we became a thing I was overreacting just a little bit. But why lie?

Jax sighed and continued to hold my face in his hands. "I didn't tell you because it would have hurt you and I didn't want to hurt you. I swear to god it didn't mean shit and won't happen again." He tried to reassure me and ease my mind, but it wasn't working.

"I don't believe you." I pulled out of his grasp and looked up at him through blurry eyes. "I can't do…"

"Don't do this. Don't walk away from me over this." Jax pleaded, he was scrambling for any reason he could to make me stay and hear him out. I wanted to leave. I wanted to go home. I wanted my mom. All things I couldn't have.

I was so stupid. "I would have rather taken a blow and known the truth than to have to find out like this."

"I'm sorry, darling." Jax drawled. He grabbed my hands and pulled me close as tears streamed down my face. His hands slid up my arms and settled on caressing my neck. He looked at me through red eyes and said, "I'm sorry. You have to believe me. It meant nothing. It was stupid. I know I fucked up. That's what I do. I fuck up. I knew I had a good thing and I screwed up."

My head was spinning like a record. It felt like every part of my life was exploding at the same time. All I wanted to do was run and duck for cover. "I can't do this with you." I all but whispered.

"Don't say that!" Jax tried again. He brushed his lips against mine and every part of me came to life even though it felt like I was dying. "This is what he wants. He wants us apart."

I did this to myself. I turned Jerry on Jax and now his sons nursery is in shambles. I put them both in danger.

"I'm gonna end this." He said sternly looking into my eyes. I pulled his hands away from my face and took a few tentative steps back away from him even though each step was killing me.

"I can't do this."

 **Jax's Point Of View**

I watched Rowan back away from me and felt my chest tightening. I was losing her. It was killing me to see her this way. She's never looked at me the way she is right now. Hurt. Anger. Regret. Her eyes were full of it all. She was never supposed to find out about that chick in Nevada.

"Don't give him what he wants, Ro." I told her. "This ends today." I watched her hide her face behind her hands as she cried. "I know you're pissed at me for this but please don't make any decisions yet. Let me go handle this and then we can talk more." I tried to bargain with her, wanting nothing more than to hunt that ATF shithead down and beat the living shit out of him for this. He broke into my home. He went after my girl. And he trashed my kids room. This wasn't going to go unchecked. Not for a second.

"There's nothing to talk about." Rowan said, shrugging her shoulders.

"Stay here with my mom." I said, kissing her forehead briskly. "Please don't give up on us." I whispered in her ear before stepping away from her. Her eyes met mine briefly and for a minute I believed I could fix this.

I scratched the back of my neck and looked at the cracked concrete we were standing on. Turning on my heel I stormed back into the house, slamming the back door shut as I went.

"What the hell are you gonna do about this." My mother questioned as I made my way towards the front door. "He's dead." I told her my voice cold. "At least." She snapped back as I went out the front door.

I sat down on my bike and pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed Hale. He picked up on the third ring. "Kohn still in town." I hissed remembering him saying he'd handle the situation. Obviously he didn't do shit. "I know. He's at Floyd's now, I'm handling it." I hung up the phone and jammed it back in my pocket then started my bike and tore out of the driveway heading straight for Floyd's barbershop.

As I rode I thought about Rowan. I wasn't gonna let this asshole ruin us. Normally I wouldn't give a shit about losing some chick. But this was different. Everything about Rowan was different. Normally I wasn't the kind of guy to fight for a girl. If they wanted to break up with me it wasn't a big deal because I had a replacement waiting. As shitty as it sounds. I never went after Tara when she left charming. But Rowan was worth fight for. I never wanted to be normal with her…because fuck. The words Id said to Tara earlier echoed in my mind…I loved her. I was in love with her…

I beat Hale to Floyd's. I parked my bike and walked inside, the chimes above the door jangled as I passed through. "You know Floyd, I'm really gonna miss this place." Jerry said as he sat in the barbers chair getting a hot shave. I gave Floyd a look and he stepped away from Jerry.

Jerry opened his eyes as I walked up beside him. Before the words, "Oh, shit," could leave his mouth I had him yanked out of the chair shoved up against the mirror lining the wall. He flailed and pushed against me trying to break free from my grasp. "You wanna go to war with me asshole?" I yelled, as my heart pounded wildly inside my chest. I was running on pure adrenaline. Heat coursed through my veins as I pulled him away from the mirror and shoved him through the main plate glass window of Floyd's shop.

Glass flew everywhere as Jerry went through the window landing on the sidewalk outside with a loud groan and thud. I through the broke window and grabbed Kohn by the collar and swung my fist. It collided and tremors went through my hand radiating pain, but I didn't care and I didn't stop hitting him. Blood poured out of his nose and lip. I felt a searing pain in my thigh and yelled out in pain. I looked down to see that the fucker had stabbed me with a pair of scissors. My fist collided with his jaw. His nose. His eye.

I could hear the sirens in the distance and knew someone had called the cops.

 **A/N: Thank you so much for all of the reviews you guys have left me! Your excitement over this story only totally makes my day! I mean I wish I could hug you all! Thanks for always being here even when no one else is! Xoxo –Jenn**


	52. Chapter 52: Fight or Flight

**Chapter 52**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

After Jax stormed out of the house I slightly pulled myself back together and went back inside. I rummaged through the laundry room off the kitchen and found a bucket and sat it in the sink and turned the faucet on. As I knelt down to look under the sink for carpet cleaner I could feel Gemma's presence behind me. I tried not to sniffle as I picked up an off the wall brand of cleaner and dumped some in the bucket. I wanted to clean the piss up out of the carpet and get any trace of Kohn out of this house. Out of Abel's room.

I turned the faucet off and lifted the bucket out of the sink turning on my heel to see Gemma standing in the middle of the kitchen holding that damn picture of Jax and that skank. It felt like my heart was on fire inside my chest. It was hard to breath; like smoke was invading my lungs. Pretty soon my bones would turn to ash and there'd be nothing left of me. "I'm sure this was a hard blow to take." Gemma swayed the picture in the air.

"I'm fine." I lied.

I sat the bucket down and took the picture out of her hand and marched into Abel's room. I tore down all the pictures on the wall quickly and walked back into the kitchen and found one of Jax's spare lighters on the kitchen table and to Gemma's surprise lit them on fire and tossed them in the kitchen sink.

There now they're gone. I thought doing that would make me feel a bit better, but it didn't. At all.

After grabbing a few rags and some towels I walked back into Abel's room and started trying to get the piss out of the carpet. Gemma began quietly picking up things off the floor. I could feel her eyes on me as I scrubbed the carpet. I seriously wish I had gloves. This is so gross and disgusting. Tears welled in my eyes the more I scrubbed.

"That picture," Gemma started to say as she knelt down across the room to pick up a few children's books off the floor, "doesn't define who Jax is."

I paused, listening to her words, but unable to say anything back yet in return. She was seriously going to bat for her me and her son? I didn't expect that.

"We all have pasts, sweetheart. But that's the thing, they're pasts." Gemma placed the books back on the half book shelf under the window and caught me glancing at her. "You don't think Clay and I have had our fair share of ups and downs? We have. This just recently being one of the downs. But if you love the man, you learn to accept the past."

It was so easy to be mad at Jax for sleeping with that girl. But we weren't even together when it happened. Sure we had been flirting and all but we hadn't defined what we were to each other. So, do I even have a right to be angry with him? Maybe it's easier to be pissed at Jax over this because I can actually take out my frustration and anger on him when in reality I'm just pissed at Jerry for doing this to me. To Jax. To Abel. To the club.

But what's to stop him from cheating in the future?

I know we discussed that and he'd sworn to me that he would never do that to me, but how can I trust him? How can I trust anyone anymore… Jax looked so sincere earlier when he'd apologized to me. I've seen many sides to Jax over the last few weeks, but today for the first time I saw that he was scared…of losing me.

In all honesty I think I'm scared of losing him.

Wow. I just 'd myself and now my head is spinning. I dropped the rag I'd held in my hand back into the bucket of water as my phone vibrated in my back pocket. I pulled it out and saw Lena lighting up the screen.

"Hey." I answered, my nose stuffy making me sound like a weirdo on the phone. "Dude. Your boyfriend just went completely insane and threw your landlord through a window on Main Street. It was fucking awesome!" Lena blurted out quickly.

"What?!" I stood up clenching my fingers around my iPhone. "Is he okay? Was he hurt? I mean did he look hurt?"

"He seemed okay, he was limping though. I was across the street and couldn't get to him because of the cops, but he looked like he was following Hale to the station. What the holy fuck is going on?" Lena questioned, waiting impatiently for me to give her all the details. I didn't want to get into all the gory details with her over the phone.

"I'll tell you later. I gotta go." I hung up and turned to Gemma who was looking at me for an explanation. He was limping which meant he was hurt. But he was riding his bike which meant he was okay. My heart faltered in my chest.

For a minute the thought of Jax being hurt took precedent over who he'd slept with.

"Jax threw Kohn through a window. They're going to the station." I informed Gemma, running a hand through my hair haphazardly. This was all working on my nerves.

"You should go to him, I'll stay here and clean this shit up." Gemma said, nodding at me.

I did want to go to Jax; more than anything. Before I let my feelings take over I walked out of the house and got in my car to head to the station.

 **Jax's Point of View**

Hale placed me in a interrogation room for questions as soon as we got to the station. He was kind enough not to cuff me and haul me in for assault. I sat slumped in my plastic chair holding an ice pack over my hand. Medical had taken a quick look at my leg where Kohn stabbed me with a pair of scissors and ruled it as a flesh wound.

They said I'd be fine. I could care less about me right now.

Rowan was the only thing I was worried about. I tried to play by the book and let the cops handle Agent Kohn, but they didn't do shit. So I did. I regret nothing and would do it again in a heartbeat if meant this guy was out of Rowan's life for good.

A gnawing ache settled in my thigh. The door opened and in walked Unser and Agent Stahl. ATF bitch that's looking into SAMCRO.

Stahl and Unser sat down at the small metal table before me. "Barber says you came in for a haircut and Agent Kohn attacked you with a pair of scissors, so you pushed him through a plate glass window." Stahl said, leafing through a folder with papers in her hands.

Unser crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Stahl. Guess she's about as well liked around here as she is at the club. "Self-defense." She continued looking up at me.

"That's what Floyd saw. I guess that's what happened." I kept my face neutral and stared back into her grey cold eyes.

Stahl grinned, shaking her head. I wasn't giving this bitch anything. "That's fantastic. Tell me, are they all just afraid of you or convinced that you are a necessary evil?"

Floyd's been a loyal friend of the club for years. So it was no surprise that he didn't rat me out to the cops for starting the brawl. "You charging me?" I shot back at her. Her voice was getting on my nerves and all I wanted to do was go home and see if I still had a girlfriend to come home to.

After finding out that Clay new Lowell's dad was dead and buried with those Mayans that were dug up this morning this was just the icing on the cake.

"No charges." Unser said; his old voice scratchy and shaky sounding.

As I started to get up Stahl asked, "Why does Kohn have a hard-on for you?"

"You're the smart ATF broad. Why don't you tell me. I'm sure you already know why." I shot back at her, pausing before getting up.

Stahl gave me a wicked grin. "You're right, I do. Rowan Collins, right? The charming all american girl." She said. "Let me guess, high school sweethearts, right? No. That would be," she looked down at the papers in her folder, "Tara Knowles."

"Don't you find it a bit odd that a girl of Rowan's pedigree would take an interest in an outlaw biker like you? I would be a little skeptical myself. I mean she fears for her life, so she gets with the only man she knows who wouldn't have a problem putting a fed through a plate glass window." She groaned on and on. Her voice grating on my last nerve. She was trying to get under my skin. "It's beautiful really. I mean she gets you to take care of the bad guy and then she's free to go off to Boston to accept her internship now that her mother is gone. It's all quite convenient, don't you think?"

Rowan never mentioned going to Boston to me.

Stahl batted her overly mascara laden eyelashes at me. "You done?" I snapped, sick of this stupid little posing match we were having.

"Yeah, she's done." Unser answered for her.

I got up slowly, careful of my leg and walked out of the interrogation room. My nerves were shot and I need a smoke. I walked out the front doors of the station and saw Rowan pacing back and forth at the bottom of the stairs. She was hugging herself and chewing on her fingernail. She looked up an saw me and bolted for me.

She crashed into me and wrapped her arms around me. I instantly wrapped my arms around her waist, holding onto her for dear life. "Hey, it's okay." I murmured into her neck before kissing the side of her face.

Rowan pulled back slightly and caressed my face. "You're okay? Lena said she saw you put Kohn through a window." Her hands and eyes roamed over me checking for any injuries. Her eyes landed on the blood on my jeans and she froze, paralyzed by the fear I could see on her face. "I'm fine. I'm alright. I promise." I took her face in my hands and she nodded her head.

I pulled her in close again and held her against me, breathing in her scent. Her arms locked around my neck and she nestled her face into the crook of my neck. I could feel her heart beating against my own almost in rhythm. "I'm sorry." She whispered into my neck. "I'm so sorry for all of it."

I was the one to pull back. Tears filled her eyes. She was blaming herself for this. I could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice. "This is not your fault. This is on him. Not you."

She wiped her eyes and then took a few tentative steps back away from me, like she didn't want to invade my space anymore. Her eyes fell to her sneakers and I knew I should say something, anything.

The doors to the station opened and two cops walked Kohn out in cuffs. I stepped in front of Rowan blocking her as they walked past us. I felt her hand intertwine with my own as she stood behind me. Kohn glanced at her and smirked and pure rage coursed through me. I felt her squeeze my hand and it was the only thing keeping me grounded.

We watched as Kohn was put into the back of a police cruiser. "Unser said Kohn was suspended from duty in Chicago for misconduct. He wasn't even supposed to leave the state. They're sending him back so Chicago can deal with him." I turned to look at Rowan. She looked so lost and scared and confused. Part of that was my fault.

"Listen, about Nevada…" I tried but she let go of my hand. "I don't wanna talk about it here."

"Well, then meet me at the fight tonight." I offered, "I'm gonna follow Kohn out of town and make sure he leaves." I placed my hand on her cheek and watched her eyes flutter closed at my touch. Her hand instinctively went up to my wrist and held it. "Jax, I don't know wha—"

"Meet me at the fight tonight. If you come then I'll know we have a chance of fixing this. If not then… I promise I'll let you go…" I whispered…

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Jax kissed my cheek lightly and walked away. I stood there frozen and watched him get on his bike and follow the cruiser with Kohn in it off the lot. I took a few deep breaths as I walked back to my car and got in. I rested my arms and head on the steering wheel. Everything in my life has gone to shit. Jax was the one good thing that had happened to me.

I wanted to still believe that.

But maybe his world burned to bright for someone like me.

I drove back to his house slowly. Gemma had left a note on the table saying she'd gone to pick up some paint and primer to go over Kohn's artwork on the walls of Abel's nursery. I sat down on the floor of Jax's bedroom and leaned against his bed with my knees tucked under my chin.

I felt exhausted emotionally and physically. I was at the point where I was tired of crying over everything. It was like since my mom died the dam broke and they just keep coming and coming. I wished my mom were here to tell me what to do or how to handle this situation. But she was gone and I knew I'd never get used to this feeling of being completely on my own now.

Jax had his faults. But then again so did I. We were both only human. We were going to make mistakes. Huge ones. Everyone made mistakes. But Gemma's voice echoed in my head, those mistakes don't define us. The night Jax stopped to fix my car in the diner parking lot I think he fixed a piece of me and ever since then he's been mending the pieces of me that have been broken.

I half smiled sitting on the floor because I realized what my mom would have told me. She would say that life is short and we only get so much time with the people we love and not to waste it on the past…

 **A/N: SOOO will she show up or wont she show up? Dun dun dun... Cliffhanger. ;p**


	53. Chapter 53: You're Safe Now

**Chapter 53**

 **Jax's Point of View**

Music thumped through the speakers of the building as the crowd got going; whistling and cheering filled my ears as we all watched the fight taking place before us. Half Sac was on his third round and still going strong which surprised the shit outta me. I took a swig of the beer in my hand and scanned the crowd for Rowan for the thousandth time. She still hasn't showed up. I rested my elbows on my knees; one tapping nervously in rhythm with the energy in the building. I'd texted her the address hours ago.

The sick feeling in my stomach I've had all day didn't leave me even when I watched Kohn leave Charming.

The thought 'I could lose her' flashed brightly in my mind like the neon signs hanging around the building advertising beer and TM and other businesses sponsoring this bare knuckle brawl.

My eyes were closed but I felt someone sit down next to me on the bleacher I was sitting on and opened my eyes to see Deacon. He took a long pull from his beer and looked at me. Something in my gut told me he's been lying to me all day about Lowell's old man. He knew more then what Clay had told me at the hospital when we went to stop the ID on the bodies they pulled out of that hole. Clay said Lowell's old man was just a casualty of war. That the Mayans took him out. They went after everyone, friends, family, didn't matter who.

"Real shame about Lowell's old man." I said over the crowd.

Deacon nodded his head. "Yeah, it is."

"Still don't get how he got caught up in all of it. You know anything about it?" I straight out asked him. Deacon stalled answering me by taking another long swig from his beer and shrugged nonchalantly. "One of those wrong place, wrong time kinda things I guess, kid. It's all in the rearview now anyway. Didn't you talk to Clay about this?"

"Yeah, I did. Just doing a little fact checking I guess." I chuckled, taking a drink of my own beer. Deacon stood up and walked away at that, leaving me with an even bigger suspicion that what Clay had said to me was untrue.

I pulled my phone out and checked my messages; still nothing from Rowan. As I looked up I saw Half Sac round house his opponent and the crowd went nuts. On the other side of the ring I caught sight of blonde hair and my heart skipped a thousand beats. I stood up and couldn't help but smile a little when I saw that the blonde hair belonged to Rowan.

She looked absolutely beautiful in every way possible. I waited a second and stood there and watched her as she scanned the crowd taking in her surroundings. She didn't look like she felt out of place. I watched her facial expressions change as she took in the fight, the crowd, who made up the crowd, the music playing. None of it phased her or bothered her. She accepted people for who they were without a lot of judgement.

Unable to wait for her to find me I made my way through the crowd to her. I walked up behind her and couldn't help but take in the ripped up skinny jeans that made her ass look perfect.

I gently touched her arm which caused her to turn around. She gave me a soft smile as I let go of her arm. "You came." I smiled. This means she still thinks there's a chance for us. Thank fuck.

"I did." She replied, tucking some blonde hair behind her ear. God. I didn't think she could look any hotter, but then I noticed the Rolling Stones tee she was wearing and felt my dick stirring in my pants.

A rowdy guy walking past bumped into her back and caused Rowan to step forward into me and I found my hands on her hips instantly. Our eyes met and she held my gaze. Her pink lips looked so tempting, but I was sure where we stood and didn't want to do anything to screw this up. The bell rang indicating that the round was over and the crowd went wild once again.

"We should talk." Rowan suggested, then bit her lip. If she only knew how much this was all killing me.

I nodded and led her outside, keeping my hand on the small of her back the entire way.

The cool might air was a refreshing change. It was so stuffy inside and smelled like sweat and piss. I led Rowan over to the concession stands. We walked across the damp parking lot, a few rain drops hitting us along the way.

We stopped walking when we were far enough away from the noise to hear each other. Rowan turned to me, standing only a few inches away. Our fingers brushed against each other and sparks shot through my arm. A warm feeling crept across my chest as I linked my index finger with hers. Her eyes stared at our fingers. "Kohn's gone. I watched him leave town."

At that she looked at me. "You don't have to worry about that guy anymore." I reassured her. I could see the relief washing over her instantaneously. She stepped closer and latched onto my cut like she always does and rested her chin on my shoulder.

A mixture of something tropical and coconut filled my nose as I pressed my face against hers. "Thank you." She whispered so sincerely. Her voice so sweet and kind and genuine. Hell, I don't even care that I got stabbed anymore. "You're safe now. You're always safe with me." I murmured into her hair.

She leaned her head back to look at me and placed a hand on my cheek as our foreheads leaned together. "Listen, about Nevada. I know you're pissed and I honestly don't blame you because if the tables were turned I'd be fucking pissed too. But I need you to know something," I said, taking her hand and placing it on my erratically beating heart. "Everyone that I've ever cared about has bailed on me and left in some way or another. You've been the one bright light in my life since you came along; my one saving grace and I can't lose you."

I watched her take a steadying deep breath. "I don't want their to be secrets with us. I wish you would have just told me."

"Neither do I. No secrets. No games." I told her. This wasn't a game to me. Rowan wasn't just some conquest for the night, she was the real thing for me. It scared the hell out of me because I've been bit before with Tara.

"I may have overreacted just a little bit, but I think I was just pissed about Jerry destroying Abel's room and it was easier to take it out on you over that." She confessed, sliding her hand around my neck to play with my hair. I slipped my hands around her waist and pulled her snug against me not wanting us to be even an inch apart.

Stahl's comments about Boston and her motives for being with me swirled in the back of my mind and I had to know if there was any truth to either of those things. No secrets, right?

"Did you take an interest in me because you were scared of Jerry and knew I'd keep you safe. I need to know the truth." She shook her head confused by my sudden weird question.

"Of course not!" She answered firmly. "I didn't even want you to find out about him, which in retrospective was stupid, but I took an interest in you because I liked you… I like the kind of man you are." She explained, in an almost shy way that turned me on entirely.

"Are you thinking of leaving Charming to go to Boston?" I asked next, clutching her sides tighter fearing the answer I might head next. She shook her head and half laughed amused giving me a crazy look. "Where is this coming from? I turned down my internship in Boston when my mother got sick. They said they would hold my spot but that was months ago. I'm not even thinking about that at all right now. So no, I'm not going to Boston. Or anywhere."

This time I breathed a sigh of relief. I let that stupid ATF bitch get in my head. "Where did all that come from?" She questioned, playing with the back of my hair. "Just Stahl feeding me a bunch of shit." I shook my head and held her face in my hands.

A few more raindrops began to fall one right after the other. Pretty soon we'd be drenched, but I didn't mind at all. And look at Rowan standing in front of me she didn't care either. "Are we okay?" I asked, leaning in slightly wanting nothing more than to kiss her right now and for the rest of my life.

I gently brushed my lips against hers and felt a shudder run through her entire body. "I'm still royally pissed at you, but," I kissed her again, letting my mouth take her words. "I'm not going," our lips collided again, "anywhere."

We stood there in the dimly lit parking lot in front of the concession stands and made out. A slow steady amount of rain came down and instead of running for cover we both looked up at the dark sky and then at each other and laughed. I reached down and picked her up, relishing feeling her legs locked around my waist and kissed her until it was becoming impossible to not do more than just kiss her.

The crowd erupted from inside and Rowan glanced at the building. "Do you wanna go back inside and watch the fight." I set her feet down on the ground and kissed her neck. "I don't give a shit about that fight." I felt her hands slide down my chest taking in every dip and curve of my chest.

"Jesus Christ, kid! You owe the club thirty grand." I heard Chibbs holler from across the lot and knew our moment was about to be ruined. I sucked along her neck even more and heard a soft moan escape her lips. "Jax." She whispered and I found her lips again.

"Take me home." Rowan whispered up at me and I smirked and intertwined my hand with hers and led her towards the guys and my bike.

Half Sac was supposed to lose the last round tonight. And from the looks of it he didn't do as he was told. "Clay, I'm really sorry. I just lost it man." He pleaded following clay towards the van he'd drove here. "It's alright. We'll figure something else out. But hey you got the girl."

I smiled looking at Rowan and wrapped my arm around her shoulder, feeling her tuck herself into my side. "Sometimes the girls worth more than anything." I slapped Sac on the shoulder and glanced at Rowan again knowing she was worth it all.

"We're gonna need that 115k by Friday." Chibs said, looking a little drunk and a little despondent. Clay got in the van and rested his arm out the window.

"It's gonna be a busy week." Was all he said before he left. Ain't that the fucking truth.

Cherry walked over and hugged Sac as I kissed Rowan on the side of the head. "Oh god, all of you get out of here before I rape you." Tig said. I shot him a look.

Deacon slapped him in the back of the head. "You need an entire mental wing resurrected in your honor Tig." Rowan half laughed.

"It's a term of endearment." He joked, clearly wasted. I waved him off and led Rowan to my bike.

I was ready to take her home and to bed.


	54. Chapter 54: Mess Is Mine

**Chapter 54**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

I lied there wrapped up in Jax's arms in the darkness of his bedroom at 2:58am and listened to him breathing. The constant rise and fall of his chest a reminder that I wasn't alone. That I'd never be alone. I'd woken up a little while ago from a nightmare and haven't been able to go back to sleep. We came home from the fight and immediately ripped each other's clothes off and ended up in bed. I smiled to myself as I let my index finger trace across his collar bone. Jax was dozing in and out, but I felt his hand on my thigh and his other on my bare back.

"Still can't sleep?" He mumbled causing me to glance up at him. "Sleep seems to be my enemy here lately." I sighed.

Jax placed his hand on my neck holding my face so I'd keep looking at him. "You know you can talk to me, right? I may not always know what to say, but I'll listen if you need me to."

I wanted to talk to Jax about everything, but talking about it just didn't seem to help. It was a combination of losing my mom and the shooting and Kohn. My emotions were running rampant and wild and I didn't know how to reign them in on the inside. "Maybe you could talk and distract me for a while?" I suggested quietly.

He pressed his lips against mine gently and whispered, "Okay." Jax turned on his side so we were facing each other and placed his hand on my side underneath the blankets. Our faces only inches apart. I let my fingers play with the scruff of his beard along his cheek gently.

"I found out the kid gets out of the toaster tomorrow sometime." He said, a hint of excitement in his groggy voice. "Jax! You get to hold Abel! Oh my god. That's amazing! Aw, I'm so happy for you." I was beyond excited for him. Jax and I have watched over Abel for weeks in his incubator unable to really get close to him.

"Yeah, the little pop tart is finally ready." He chuckled and so did I. "My moms gonna be there too."

"I wouldn't expect her to be anywhere else." I half laughed. Gemma not being present tomorrow would be weird. Abel has her completely wrapped around his little finger. Me as well.

"I was hoping, well wishing, you'd be there too." Jax whispered. The light from the moon shines through the blinds casting shadows across his face. A warmth spread throughout my body as I bit my lip. "You want me to be there?" I asked. I wondered how involved Jax would want me to be in his sons life if things progressed between us.

"Yes, more than anything." He slid his hand up my side causing me to squirm closer to him. "I'd love to be there. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

"You know I never did ask you what your thoughts on kids were? Did you even want any?" He asked as he traced his fingers down my rib cage and hip onto my thigh. "I like kids. I always wanted to have a girl… And a boy…" I whispered and smiled through the darkness.

I felt Jax smile. We lied there and shared silent kisses that took my breath away and calmed my anxiety.

Jax rolled onto his back and I curled up against his side again and let him play with my hair as I closed my eyes. "You know I was thinking you should probably look for another place to stay. Get completely out from under Kohn."

"Trust me I've already been looking for new houses to rent or apartments. I have no desire to stay in his house any longer than I have to." I whispered feeling his finger just grazing over my shoulder. Jax was completely relaxed. His body was content lying next to mine. Our limbs tangled together so perfectly.

"Why don't you just move in here." He suggested so matter of factly. His fingers froze on my shoulder like he couldn't believe the words that just came out of his mouth. I opened my eyes and waited a beat before speaking.

Moving in with Jax isn't really that big of a deal being as we already have been practically living together lately. Not to mention all the times I've spent the night at the clubhouse with him. We move in together that means this is really going somewhere, which is what I want, but I worry that he might not be ready for that… Trust is a big issue with me and with the life that he leads I want to be able to trust him. I trust him with my life yet I'm still guarding my heart.

"Do you think it's to soon to move in together?" I asked cautiously. His fingers started to graze up and down my arm making the hairs stand on end.

"Who fucking cares." He shrugged. "I don't know a lot about much, but I do know I want to come home to you every night." My heart fluttered at that declaration. I'm in this with Jax completely. If I'm going to trust him I have to let him in. I mean how else am I going to know? It's a chance, but life is a game of chances isn't it?

"I mean you already have a key." Jax continued.

"That's true. I mean it only makes sense then that I move in since I already have a key." I agreed. "Although, those Maxim posters on your closet door have got to go."

Jax laughed at that and I looked up at him. "Jesus. Fine. You can do whatever the hell you want to the inside of this house, but the garage is mine. Deal?"

"Deal!" I smiled. I kissed him and pulled back. "Are you sure?" I asked caressing his face.

"I've never been more sure about anything in my life." He answered instantly with no reservations whatsoever.

 **SOA**

I woke up in the morning before Jax and decided to take a showered and let him sleep in for a bit since we were up half the night talking and making out among other things. I got out of the shower and got dressed. I slipped on a pair of old shorts and a t-shirt. I planned on trying to repaint Abel's room before Jax woke up.

As I stood in the doorway to the bathroom and finished braiding my damp hair I watched Jax sleep. His arm was sprawled out on the bed where I had been lying. He looked so peaceful and at ease. I loved the way his eyelashes fluttered over his cheekbones. I crept over slowly and kissed him before leaving him alone to sleep.

Gemma had dropped off some paint and primer and supplies last night before we even got home. I carried it into Abel's nursery and say it down on the floor as I stared at the red spray painted words on the wall above where Abel's crib was. After I moved the crib away from the wall and covered it with a sheet I found in the linen closet I started painting.

Music from my phone played in my back pocket as I covered Kohns words with light blue paint. It felt surprisingly good to erase the words from the wall.

 _Talking like we used to do_

 _It was always me and you_

 _Shaping up and shipping out_

 _Check me in and check me out_

 _Do you like walking in the rain?_

 _When you think of love, do you think of pain?_

 _You can tell me what you see_

 _I will choose what I believe_

Within a few strokes of the roller Kohn's presence in Abel's room was all but gone. He never should have crossed that line and did this to Abel's room. I hated him for what he did.

 _Hold on, darling_

 _This body is yours,_

 _This body is yours and mine_

 _Well hold on, my darling_

 _This mess was yours,_

 _Now your mess is mine_

 _Your mess is mine_

"You didn't have to do this." I heard Jax say and jumped slightly startled. I turned to look over my shoulder at him. He was leaning in the doorway with his arms crossed and a cocky smirk on his face that made my knees go weak. I always heard that phrase 'he made her go weak in the knees' and thought it was just a saying but it's really not.

"How long have you been there? You scared me." I half laughed as I roller the paint roll into the blue paint in the pan.

"Not nearly long enough." He smirked and sauntered towards me keeping his eyes locked on mine. His hair was damp from where he'd taken a shower and his white t shirt fit him perfectly.

Jax slipped his hands around my waist and slipped his hands into my back pockets as I held the paint roller in one hand. "You don't have to do this."

"I wanted to. I wanted Kohn gone, completely."

"I promise you, he's gone." He reassured me and kissed me slowly. It was amazing how one kiss could set my entire body on fire.

I sat the paint roller back down in the pan before I dropped it. "I gotta run to the club for a bit but I'll see you later for Abel?" He arched an eyebrow at me as I nodded my head. "Absolutely!"

"Alright, darling." He kissed my forehead and went to walk away but stopped short with a strange look on his face. "What is it?"

He took my hand and placed it over his heart and held it there. I could feel his fast strong and steady heartbeat beneath the palm of my hand. "I want you to know it only beats like this for you. You and Abel are all I'll ever need. I just wanted you to know that."

 **A/N: I'm so sorry for the long hiatus guys! I ended up catching a stomach bug of some kind and just couldn't shake it, plus while I was sick I started watching Prison Break on Netflix and omg that show is so damn good! I got distracted with that as well and will probably have to write a fix for it now too lol but I'm feeling much better and finished Prison Break and I'm ready to dive back into this story! Thanks for being so patient guys! I promise even if I stop updating for a while that I will always return!**

 **This was just a small filler chapter to get me back into the swing of things!**

 **Check out Rowan's Instagram for an outfit guide! collins_rowan is the handle!**

 **Thank you for voting in my baby name poll! It will be closing on Monday so if you haven't voted get to it! :)**


	55. Chapter 55: The Pull Begins

**Chapter 55**

 **Jax's Point of View**

"So where are we at with McKeavy's cash?" I asked Clay as me and the guys gathered around the old table in the chapel. I eased myself into the seat next to the head of the table and lit a cigarette.

Clay tossed a black duffle onto the table. "Called in every marker we had. Picked up another $40 grand." Clay tossed a stack of cash into the bag and sat down. We were making progress, but we were still fucking short.

I sighed, cracking my knuckles letting the smoke from my cigarette fill my lungs. How the fuck is the club gonna shit all this money by tonight?

"Bobby got that gig in Laughlin. The owner fronted him the pay already." Tig spoke up, "Here's five grand more for the pot." He tossed a wad of bills into the bag. An image of Bobby and that stupid goofy as he'll Elvis outfit popped into my head. Idiot. But hey, 5k is 5k.

"We got 130k." Clay smirked, lighting one of his expensive cigars Gemma got him hooked on.

"McKeavy heads back to Ireland tomorrow. And he's gonna need his whole $200k by tonight. He made it very clear." Chibs informed us. He'd just got back from running with McKeavy and his boys last night.

Clay relaxed back into his seat, the chair squeaking and moaning in protest. "We got one more place left to go. The porn queen."

"Otto's old lady?" Tig asked sort of skeptically. I rolled my eyes. Like he's not up at her studio every other week getting 'personal' favors done by any and all of Luanne's girls.

Speaking of girls…

Rowan popped into my head. I smirked thinking about her and leaned back in my chair. Last night we were able to clear the air about everything that had happened in Nevada. I was glad she gave me the chance to tell her the truth and make all of this shit right. I mean we weren't together when I screwed that chick in Nevada, but I felt guilty for it. I know I'm a dick sometimes, but I don't want to be that way with her. With Jerry gone now and everything out in the open I can really see us going somewhere. Which is why I asked her to move in with me. The words just came out so easily. It made sense. Everything makes sense with her.

Except for that damn kiss with Tara.

Son of a bitch.

I'm sure that will bite me in the ass.

I wanted to tell Rowan about it before she heard it from someone else; because God knows you can't do anything in this town without somebody seeing it and saying something about it. I just didn't have the heart to pile that on top of everything else.

"Gemma says Luann's picking up two Gs a week just from ad revenue from her website." Clay boasted. He sucked on his cigar and glanced around the table.

Deacon stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray in the center of the table rather loudly. We all knew he wasn't much for having any association with Luanne's business.

"Yeah, factor in membership fees, downloads, she's making three times that much." Juice chimed in beside me.

We all nodded our heads in agreement.

"You should let Gemma talk to Luanne; they're tight. Keep us clear of it." I suggested twisting the ring on my finger around thoughtlessly.

"That makes sense." Clay said.

All right, well, I'm going to St. Thomas anyway. I'll talk to Mom. Kids finally getting out of the incubator." I smiled, excitement flooding through me.

The guys rallied and smacked my shoulders and wrapped in the table in excitement for me. I was scared shitless that I'd break Abel somehow, but excited as shit to finally hold my boy.

"At least we know one good thing's gonna happen today!" Clay clamped his hand down on my shoulder, staring at me almost proudly.

I nodded my head and then got up to head out to the hospital. If Luanne can come through with the money we need for tonight we might just be alright. Deep down though I'm still wondering if staying in the gun business is the right move. This could be our opportunity to go legit. Nothin' is ever that simple or easy though. Deacon's talked to me on and off over the past few years about using Navy Street as a legitimate source of income for the club, even brought it up to Clay. It could work for us. But all Clay sees it as is a front to run more guns out of.

 **SOA**

My mom was standing over Abel's incubator making the giraffe Rowan gave him dance above the incubator when I walked into his room. I was kinda hoping Rowan would already be here. I smirked as I let the door close behind me. "Hey, baby." Gemma said.

"Hey, grandma." I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek then peered down at my kid. She smacked me in the arm in retaliation for calling her a grandma even though she in fact was one.

His eyes were open. His little body squirmed all over the place. I stuck my hand through the opening in the incubator and let his little chubby hand wrap around my index finger. "Hey little man." I whispered fascinated by him.

Being a dad scared the living hell out of me, but not being one scared me just as much. So many things were on my mind here lately since I found Johns manuscript. It was making me think about what kind of life this is for a kid…

I felt mom place her hand on my shoulder and glanced at her. "Thanks for dropping that paint off at the house. Rowan already started painting his nursery this morning."

Gemma's eyes widened in surprise. "She's painting the baby's room now, huh?" I gave her a sideways glance telling her to knock it off with the cryptic bullshit.

"Yeah, she is. Is that and issue?" I shot back, wiggling my finger and watching a smile creep into Abel's face. Whether it was for me or because he had gas is beyond me.

"She's been making herself quite at home there at the house here lately. Just wondering where you're heading with that." Gemma chirped as she sat down in the rocking chair beside Abel's incubator.

"Well she should be making herself at home. She's gonna be staying with me permanently." I decided to just rip the band aide off now and let her know Rowan and I were moving in together.

My mother was quiet behind me which frightened me to be honest. I let go of Abel's hand and turned around to face her wrath. She was staring at me with a concerned look on her face. "What?" I shook my head.

"You sure that's what you want?" She asked, arching her perfectly drawn on eyebrow.

"No." I deadpanned her. "Yes, I'm sure. Why are you so worried about this shit?"

"I just don't wanna see my baby get hurt. I saw what Tara did to you. I don't want that to happen to you again."

"Jesus Christ, mom." I sighed. "That was years ago. And this is completely different. Tara was stupid puppy love bullshit that I got carried away with. If you can even call it love. At nineteen I don't think I even had the word love in my vocabulary."

"She broke your heart!" Gemma pointed out. I rolled my eyes and lowered my head letting my eyes fall to the floor. Yeah, maybe she was right. When Tara packed up and left it changed me. It made me not want to let anyone in for fear of them just up and walking out on me without warning. And then I met Rowan and my entire outlook shifted on its axis. "So what? I don't care about Tara and I really don't give a shit what you think about Rowan and me moving in together. I'm falling in love with her, mom."

Gemma's eyes widened at that declaration and even I shifted having said it out loud. I did love her though. Deep down I've known it for a while. It happened slowly and then all at once. I loved everything about her. Her smile. Her laugh. Her neurotic crazy and loving personality. Ever piece of her embedded itself into my heart.

Gemma scoffed and stood up to stand in front of me. "Well, now there's something I've never heard come out of your mouth." Her face softened. "I just don't want to see you get hurt or pulled away from what's important." She placed her hand on my cheek.

"I'm learning to let people in, maybe you should try it too and get over what happened years ago." I gave her a half cocky grin. She patted my cheek a little to roughly and I chuckled.

"When someone hurts your baby, you never get over it. Which is something you need to keep in mind. You hurt Deacons daughter, you better be prepared for the wave that may cause within the club."

"Wait a minute? You're worried I'm going to hurt her?" I asked sensing Gemma becoming slightly protective over Rowan. I was baffled and amused. My mother never went to bat for anyone, least of all one of the girls I was seeing, but this was different. Gemma crossed her arms over her chest and glared at me fiercely trying to desperately hide the fact that she just slipped up and let down her hard exterior just a bit. "You actually like her, don't you?"

"Watch it. I wouldn't go that far." She pointed her finger at me sternly. I chuckled. "Just remember you have him." She looked at Abel and then back at me. I nodded my head.

"Listen, we need you to talk to Luanne. We need cash. Like seventy grand by tonight." I told her, crossing my arms over my chest. "Can you make that happen?"

Gemma picked up her handbag and fished her cell out. "I'll make a call and see what I can do." I nodded as she turned for the door just as Tara came walking in. My mother gave her a curt smile and headed out of the room.

"Hey." Tara said, brushing some hair behind her ear. "I just wanted to let you all know that Dr. Namid is in surgery and it will be a few hours before we can start the process of getting Abel out of the incubator."

"Alright. My moms camping out here for the day so I'll let her know." I replied giving her a small smile.

"Listen about what happened at my house a few days ago." Tara said, holding up her hands and shaking her head, "It was so forward of me to come onto you like that! I don't know what I was thinking and I feel so embarrassed."

"It's fine, Tara. It's not a big a deal." I reassured her, squeezing her shoulder to let her know I wasn't pissed or anything.

"I feel so stupid. I just miss you and us and the way we were. That kiss was just a failed attempt at trying to hold onto that." She touched my forearm and the hairs on my neck stood on end. "I just- I can't help but to think about that kiss and what we could be if we tried again, Jax."

"Tara we have history, yes. But that's all it's gonna be. I'm sorry." I caught a glimpse of blonde hair over Tara's shoulder and saw Rowan standing in the open doorway. Shit.

Tara nodded and excused herself leaving me to face off with Rowan. How much had she just heard?

"You kissed her?" She asked quietly. Obviously she heard everything. Fuck me. Her face was unreadable to me in this moment. I could usually read her like an open book, but she had a shield up to keep me out.

"It's not what you think. I swear." I started to say as she crept closer slowly. She shook her head and said, "I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to ruin today for you by fighting over you and your ex girlfriend or the fact that you two kissed and you neglected to tell me."

She walked past me and gazed down at Abel. Yup. She's pissed. I've learned when she rambles and verbal word vomit comes out she's usually pissed off.

Thanks a lot Tara…

"Let my mom know Dr. Namid is in surgery. It's gonna be a bit before they get him out. I gotta go." I said looking at her. Her red and plaid button up shirt was unbuttoned just enough to make me stare. I caught myself and glanced at her face figuring I see a smirk on her face like always when she catches me sneaking a peak at her, but she wasn't even looking at me at all.

My heart sunk into my stomach. I'd managed to hurt her…again.

"I'll let her know." She said without taking her eyes off of my son.

Instead of staying and trying to explain things I walked out.

 **A/N: I know I mentioned on Instagram I was going to wait to post and make this a longer chapter, but I can't wait so I posted. Lol. Thank you for all of the reviews! I can't believe the amount of love you guys have for this story! It blows me away! If I could I'd bake you all chocolate chip cookie and hand deliver them with a hug! :D**


	56. Chapter 56: Okay

**Chapter 56**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

I'd never intended on eavesdropping on Jax and Tara's conversation. In fact I hadn't been. The door was open when I walked up and I heard those distinct words. I also heard Jax say they had nothing but history. So was it really that big of a deal?

"Jax and Tara kissed?" I whispered out loud trying to wrap my mind around it. The thought made bile inch up into the back of my throat. Although, I'm not even mad that they kissed, I mean I am, but if it meant nothing then why lie about? Because I'd overreact? Probably.

I sighed. Did I overreact? Am I overreacting? Ugh. I wanted Jax to explain everything to me right now, but I didn't want to ruin his day. He gets to hold his son for the first time today. That's what should be on his mind, not me, not us fighting. But it's already killing me. I couldn't even look at him before he left and I really wanted to.

"I'll be right back." I whispered to Abel even though I knew he wouldn't respond.

I found myself jogging down the halls of St. Thomas towards the elevators.

I needed to talk to Jax and clear this up like an adult. I couldn't spend all day being mad at him. I just didn't have the energy anymore for it. It was like another life force was sucking me dry here lately. I just hoped I could catch Jax in the parking lot before he left.

As I ran through the sliding exit doors of St. Thomas I scanned the parking lot for his bike and spotted it all the way across the lot. I spotted the SAMCRO insignia on the back of his vest and bolted towards it. "Jax! Wait a second!" I called after him.

"Jax!"

Jax turned once he got to his bike and waited for me. I ran to catch up to him and grabbed his arm for support when I reached him. "Rowan? What are you doing?" Jax questioned, looking at me anxiously.

I panted out of breath and held up my hand to indicate I needed to catch my breath. "I need to talk to you… Tell me about the kiss…please." I breathed as he placed his hand on my side to help hold me up.

When the hell did I get this out of shape? I'll solve that mystery later.

"I thought you didn't want to talk about it?" He shot at me a bit harsher than he intended judging by the look on his face. My breathing returned to normal, but I didn't let go of him. "Just tell me about the damn kiss, Teller."

Jax ran a hand down the side of his face and sighed.

"Tara asked me to stop by and take a look at the cutlass the other day. She said it wasn't running right. We were talking and it just happened. She kissed me and I pushed her away." Jax explained looking me directly in the eye. "It meant nothing to me."

"If it meant nothing then why didn't you tell me when it happened?" I countered. Jax sighed and lowered his eyes for a brief moment before meeting my own once again. "I didn't tell you because I knew it would hurt you and you've been hurt enough here lately. I didn't have the heart to pile even more shit on you, especially when it didn't mean anything. I was just trying to protect you from it I guess."

His eyes stayed locked on mine. I knew he was telling the truth. I could see it in his eyes. The way he stared at me so genuinely. He reached up and caressed my cheek gently. Relief seeped through my veins. "You shouldn't have found out like that and you have every right to be pissed at me."

"I'm not. I mean I am, but I don't know. I'm mad an then I'm not. Does that make sense?." I indeed overreacted. I felt so stupid for being bitchy towards him instead of letting him explain earlier and slightly embarrassed. I hid my face behind my hands for a minute and took a deep breath. "Okay." I said.

"Okay?" Jax mimicked me.

"I believe you. And I'm sorry for being a bitch up there." I gestured towards the hospital with my hand. "I can get jealous and moody when my hairs a mess and cry over nothing. It's just who I am. Which these are all things and factors you should know if you still want to live together." I let the words fall out of my mouth at rapid speed. I was rambling and when that started it was hard to get me to stop. Lena's actually almost slapped me before to get me to snap out of it. "You should know what you're getting into with me—"

I was cut off by Jax's soft lips.

He pulled me into his chest and held me there for what felt like forever. His tongue slipped into my mouth with ease and I found my hands on either side of his neck. I really liked his rude interruption.

Jax pulled back slightly, tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "I know exactly what I'm getting into." Lord help him.

I smiled and kissed him again. "Okay."

"Okay." He smirked.

"The kiss with Tara was the last thing I've kept from you. I don't have anymore secrets. I don't want anymore secrets." Jax confessed, cradling my face in his rough worn hands that have caressed and touched every inch of me.

A smile tugged at my lips, but I looked away.

"Then I guess I should tell you something then..." Jax looked at me funny as a flicker of worry washed over his face. He wasn't getting away with lying to me quite this easy. I decided to make him sweat for a minute or two.

"What is it?" He asked, letting his thumb brush over my cheek bone. I could see the literal gears in his head turning as he tried to figure out what I could possibly be keeping from him.

I looked down at his cut and bit my lip then looked up at him nervously. "I feel like you should know…it was never supposed to happen…but I accidentally knocked over the paint can in Abel's room and got some paint on the carpet." I smiled cheekily.

He let out a breath and shook his head. "Funny."

I chuckled and kissed him. His lips. His cheek. His nose. "You had me sorta worried for a second." Jax said as he got on his bike with a smirk. I grinned proud that I'd made him sweat just a little. I was mean.

"I'll see you in a bit." Jax said as he started his bike. The engine made my entire chest vibrate. He reached out and grabbed my hip and pulled me towards him. I leaned down and kissed him on the lips, running my fingers through the back of his hair. "I really did get paint on the carpet." I confessed over the roar of the bike.

I laughed as he shook his head. I stepped back and watched him put his helmet on and pull away from me.

 **A/N: Well I apologize this chapter was so friggin short! I had another 2,000 words typed but apparently my word doc didn't save it all…. I am pissed to say the least. Working on getting it all back for you guys, figured I'd give you this little bit while you wait! As always thank you for your love and support for this story! Xoxo**


	57. Chapter 57: What Lurks Ahead

**Chapter 57**

 **Jax's Point of View**

It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders to know that Rowan and I had a completely brand new blank slate. No secrets. No lies. No bullshit. There was nothing she didn't know about me and nothing I didn't know about her. It was actually refreshing to have someone I could be honest with. Here lately the lies within the club have been harder and harder to see through. Sometimes I didn't even know what the truth was. It wasn't a black or white kind of thing for me, it was all shades of grey.

The sun beat down on my shoulders as I drove back to the club. I noticed a tracker trailer hauling a tanker veered off onto the shoulder up ahead and a few vehicles stopped along the shoulder, but couldn't quite figure out what was going on. Accident, best guess. Around here a fender bender could have I-80 backed up for fucking hours.

I let my hand off the throttle a little and slowed down, coming up alongside the tanker. The side of it read, 'OSWALD.' This was one of Unser's trucks. A few people were out of their cars and stood gathered around the cab of the truck.

I pulled over and shut off my bike and made my way towards the front of the truck.

"Jesus." I muttered, walking up on the gruesome scene. The driver of the truck had been thrown through the windshield and was lying unconscious across the hood. His face was gashed and cut from the glass of the windshield and his leg was bleeding pretty good too; a jagged piece of glass protruded out of it.

Everyone was standing around doing nothing, staring at the spectacle. My adrenaline and need to help the guy took over. "Come on, let's get him off of the hood!" I said, to one of the guys watching the driver suffer. I took my sunglasses off and sat them on the seat of the truck quickly as I climbed up into the drivers seat. Another man climbed up onto the hood and we pulled the drivers leg up and out of the shard of glass. Blood stained my hands as it oozed out of the open wound.

He must have been knocked unconscious from the pain because when we moved his leg he screamed in agony. We maneuvered the driver down onto the ground just as the ambulances were arriving.

I looked down to see that my hands were covered in blood. I wiped them off on my jeans the best I could and headed back to grab my sunglasses. A small bag was lying on the floorboard by the break pedal. I picked it up to inspect it. It was half full of white powder; crank. Fucking Darby is the only one around here that would be selling crank. I jammed the bag into my pocket and got back on my bike to head to the club. Clay was gonna want to know about this shit.

 **SOA**

"Darby runs his meth lab out of the diesel yard in Pope." Opie said before taking a long swig of his beer. It was barely noon, but I didn't say anything. Ope and Donna have been have some issues since he got out and it's been tough on him and her. "That's where all the mill drivers score their crank." He finished saying.

I'd explained what I had come across to the guys as soon as I made it back to the clubhouse. I stood behind the bar in the clubs main room and tried to scrub the blood off my hands. The guys were all sitting at the bar inspecting Darby's crank.

"This is definitely Darby's shit." Juice confirmed what we all pretty much knew. Darby's been gunning to get his foot in Charming and start dealing more shit this way for ages, but we don't know if that's the case here. "This rock's been stepped on so many times, it's barely a narcotic." Juice smelled the crank and made a face. Idiot.

"See, Darby's making his move into Charming dealing at that lumber mill." Tig snapped, shaking his head. "Clay, we got to send this Nazi asshole a clear message now." Tig said to Clay.

Clay nodded, getting ready to set off a chain reaction of shit we couldn't handle right now.

"Why don't we just go talk to the driver. Ask him where he bought the meth." I said, glaring at Tig. Fucker is to trigger happy. Tig and I locked eyes and I knew he was pissed I was challenging him, but there were other ways of doing things besides getting bloody.

"Jax is right." Deacon said, puffing on a Marlboro, "We don't know where the dumbass driver got the crank from. For all we know it could be a home brew. Let's talk to the dipshit before we jump the gun."

Chibbs ordered the prospect to get him another beer and nodded his head in agreement with us.

Clay considered what Deacon and I were saying and then nodded his head. "Go, check it out and let me know where we're at." I turned the faucet off and dried my hands off on a bar towel. "Me and Ope'll go check it out." I said.

"How's McKeavy's cash piling up?" I asked, yanking my cut out from under Tigs elbow with a glare. "Luann came up with 55k. We need 15 more. We've got six hours to find it."

Great. Only 15k to go… I ran upstairs to change clothes and then headed back to St. Thomas to talk to the driver with Ope.

I texted Rowan once we got there and told her to meet me in the lobby. It had only been a few hours since I'd last seen her, but it was killing me. I'd never really been one to do drugs; I mean I smoked weed and shit like that, but never anything hardcore, but Rowan was like my hardcore drug and I'd do anything just to get a small fix.

Ope and I walked through the lobby and I spotted Rowan sitting in a chair looking at her phone. My chest swelled at the sight of her. She glanced up and noticed me and smiled as she got up. I walked towards her to meet her half way; well limped really. My leg was still tender and sore from where I got stabbed.

"Hey, darling." I muttered against her lips as soon as she reached me. Her hands found the sides of my cut and she gripped it. "Hey you." She smiled.

"You two wanna get a room, or what? Pull a Grey's Anatomy and screw in the janitors closet?" Ope teased behind me. Even though that's exactly what I wanted to do. I flipped him off and kissed Rowan, pulling her lip between my teeth. I felt her stand on her tip toes to reach me. Rowan laughed and pulled away from me before I wanted her too.

"Hey Opie. You watch Grey's Anatomy? She grinned skeptically, peering over my shoulder. My hands automatically found her waist.

"Donna does, I tolerate it." Opie grumbled. Rowan chuckled and noticed me grimace in pain as I shifted my weight from one leg to the other.

"Are you okay? How's your leg?" She gently touched my thigh, not realizing she was giving me a complete hard on by doing so. "You should let me take a look at it tonight and rewrap it with clean gauze." She said. "If that means I get to see you in a slutty nurse costume then that's fine by me, darling." I whispered in her ear.

She smacked me in the thigh playfully and rolled her eyes oh so dramatically for my benefit. "Dude," Ope smacked my arm, and I turned to see two of Darby's guys getting on the elevators. "Darby's guys. That can't be good." I said.

"Wait here for a minute." I told Rowan and kissed her on the forehead. She nodded and crossed her arms over her chest.

"I got the room number for the guy while you were fucking off." Ope grinned. "Let's check it out." I tapped Ope on the shoulder and pushed him forward to lead the way.

We pushed the door to the drivers room open and found him lying in his hospital bed with even more wounds than when he was brought in by the ambulance earlier. "Holy shit, Andy?" Ope said as we walked into the room. Opie had worked for Unser trucking a while back so he knew Unser's drivers better than me. "Who did this to you?"

"Nord's." Andy groaned. He was clearly in pain. I stared at his leg which was know wrapped up in gauze and bandages.

"Why?" I questioned. "I was in way deep with Darby on my crank debt $2,700." Andy groaned out again.

"Where you buying?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Up in Pope. Can't score shit in this town." He replied. I took a little pride knowing our town was clean from this shit.

"Anybody you want us to call family or friends? Ope offered. We sorta felt for the guy, even if he was a dumbass stupid enough to get in debt with Darby.

"Oswald's going to fire my ass when he finds that tanker empty, man." Andy shook his head, at a loss for words.

My brows furrowed together in confusion. "What are you talking about?" I questioned.

"The Nord's said that the diesel was payment for my crank debt. So they came here and they beat the shit out of me and then they took my keys."

"It was a full tanker?" I blurted out, no hiding the shock in my voice. Andy nodded. "Yep. It's at the county impound off the 18."

Opie and I shared a glance with one another. We just hit the fucking jackpot. If we can get that tanker full of diesel, shit, we've got our 15k and then some.

We left Andy and made our way back to Rowan.

"Listen I gotta go," I said quickly as she stood in front of me. "I gotta take care of something, but call me when they're getting ready to take Abel out."

"Okay, you're mom wants me to head to TM for a few hours and take care of some stuff. She'll let you know or I will." Rowan smiled, but studied my face trying to figure out if everything was okay.

"Is everything okay? You've got that look. The one where you're about to do something potentially dangerous and I don't know how to feel about it." She said slowly, reaching out for my hand.

I took it and intertwined my fingers with hers.

"You know me well." I winked. "I'll be fine, I promise. I'll explain later." I cradled her face in my hands and kissed her. It didn't last as long as I wanted it to and only left me wanting more.

"I don't know what you're about to do and I know I can't stop you, so please be careful! Just whatever it is, be careful." She whispered to me as I started to back up. I could see the fear in her eyes, even though she was doing her best to hide it. Ever since her mom passed away her emotions have been all over the place. I needed a mood ring to know what version of her I was going to get sometimes.

I couldn't bare to see her hurting though knowing there wasn't really anything I could do to make it better. I'd find a way to move the moon and the stars if it meant that she wouldn't be in any pain.

I let go of her hand. "Always."

 **SOA**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Popping another Cheeto into my mouth I leaned back into my chair in the office and wondered what Jax was up to and most of all if he was safe. He left the hospital in such a hurry and had that look on his face. That look of determination swirled with a hint of rage. A deadly combination. It was the same look I saw on his face when he went after Jerry. Honestly, it scared me a little. Not that he scared me, but what he could possibly be doing or what could be done to him.

Was this what being with Jax was going to be like? Would I worry every time he left? All signs pointed to yes.

I stuffed a handful of Cheetos in my mouth and wiped the cheese dust off my hands. As I glanced out into the garage I noticed an FirstMed ambulance sitting in the far bay. What the hell? We didn't have an ambulance on the schedule for repair. Actually, ambulances are usually repaired by the government or a government trusted facility. So, clearly not here.

My stomach clenched as I got up and walked out into the garage, which was empty safe for Juice and Half Sac. "What the hell is this?" I scoffed.

"I had nothing to do with it!" Juice said, holding his hands up in surrender as Eddie closed the garage doors.

"Where did this come from?" I asked, scratching the back of my neck. This couldn't be good.

"I borrowed it." Eddie shrugged.

"Oh my god. Please tell me he didn't steal this ambulance?" I glared at Juice. He sat down on one of the roll away stools and shrugged. "I told him not to do it."

"You stole an ambulance? Are you insane!?" I hissed at Eddie just as Clay, Deacon, Tig and Chibs waltzed into the garage.

"So you stole an ambulance?" Clay stated as he stared at the prospect and the ambulance. He stood beside me with his arms crossed and then looked at Juice for an explanation.

"Again. I had nothing to do with this." Juice shook his head, wanting no part in this. Smart guy.

Eddie scratched his head nervously looking around at everyone. He was clearly starting to wondered if he'd done the right thing. These things are worth, like, 100 grand easy." He tried to persuade us all as he pointed towards the ambulance.

Deacon placed his hand on my shoulder and shook his head in disbelief.

"Yeah, they are. That's why the people who buy them are, - state and federal agencies and shit." Clay pointed out as he calmly walked over towards the office door and leaned against it. "So, what, you want me to sell a stolen vehicle to the government?"

"Just sell it to, like, a small hospital or something." Eddie said, growing a bit more timid and a little embarrassed from the way his cheeks were reddening.

"Like Uncle Freddy's Infirmary or what?" Tig chimed in. "Why don't you just steal, like, a fire engine? And then we could have our own rescue center. We could have our own little uniforms and hats." Tig teased relentlessly.

Deacon chuckled beside me and for some reason it made me laugh too. Eddie had to have know he wouldn't be able to get rid of a stolen ambulance. Clay smirked and Juice and Chibbs broke out into a full laugh as well.

"Okay, I get it. Just trying to, you know, show a little initiative." The prospect said, knocking his knuckles against the side of the ambulance.

"Oh, kid. Never under any circumstances do that again." Deacon chuckled out.

"Hey, Chibs, get rid of this thing as soon as it gets dark." Clay ordered. Chibs nodded his head even though he was still cracking up.

I was about to return to the office when the garage door that Chibs had half closed opened and Jax walked in. His eyes were immediately drawn to the ambulance. His face scrunched up and his brows knitted together as the words, "What the hell is this?" fell from his mouth.

"Just, thinking outside the box." Eddie mumbled as an excuse. I chuckled under my breath. Poor guy.

Jax's eyes met my and his softened ever so slightly. I was relieved to see that he was as perfect as when I last saw him, if not more.

"You get a chance to talk to that tanker driver?" Clay asked as Jax walked into the garage.

"Yeah, I did. The Nord's aren't dealing at the mill. The driver bought the crank up in Pope." He explained; while I pretended to understand what the hell they were talking about. Jax's gaze was fixated on Tig when he spoke and his jaw was rigid. I didn't know what was going on, but there was a definite fog of tension swarming between the two. "It's where he filled his tanker with diesel."

Jax reached into his cut and pulled out a yellow envelope. "That I just sold to Unser." He smirked as he slapped the envelope in Clays hand. "We're flush for the Irish." He grinned, which made me grin slightly. His smile was contagious.

 **SOA**

Once Jax had finished talking to the guys he led me upstairs to his dorm in the clubhouse. We sat next to each other on his bed as he leafed through Johns manuscript and he explained to me what he had to do today. And I thought stealing an ambulance was bad. Honestly, I didn't care. All I knew is Jax was fine and here with me now.

"Einstein said that any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex and more violent, but it takes a touch of genius and lots of courage to move something in the opposite direction. I'm realizing that my touch of genius and my courage are coming too little, too I fear that for SAMCRO, there may be no opposite direction." I read the passage silently resting my head on Jax's shoulder. He turned the page and I glanced up at him.

"How are you doing with this?" I asked, pointing towards the book.

"What do you mean?" He stared back at me. I sat my head up and rested my chin on his shoulder so we were eye level. "It can't be easy reading your dads words."

"It's not. I don't even know what to think of half of the shit he says in here." Jax closed the book, obviously frustrated.

"From what I read and understand, it sounds like he wanted the club to be something good and right and real. He wanted SAMCRO to be yours." I slid my arm through his and felt the warmth of his hand seep through my jeans when he rested it on my knee.

"Yeah, it's a line of bullshit on how to get it there though." He mumbled back, lowering his eyes. "I don't know, Ro. I feel like the clubs been veering in the wrong direction for a while now."

"So take control of the wheel." I offered with a small smile. "Do any of the other guys feel the same way you do?" I asked, breathing in his heavenly scent. I felt high breathing him in like this.

Jax scoffed and then smirked at me. "Deacon."

A loud knock at the door interrupted us. "Jackie Boy, Clays waiting and Gemma just pulled in. Said they're ready to take Abel out the oven."

"I'm coming!" Jax called back. He grinned at me and I grinned back. "Let's go, daddy, Abel's waiting!"


	58. Chapter 58: Yellow Rose Petals

hapter 58

Rowan's Point of View

Jax and I made our way out of the clubhouse hand and hand. Gemma's cadillac idled in the parking lot in front of the row of parked Harley's. Clay, Tig and Deacon were standing at their bikes dressed in plain clothes. It was shocking and odd to see them without their cuts on. It's like they transformed into different people without them.

"I've been trying to reach you on the cell, Jax." Gemma chastised from inside her car through the open window as we approached.

"It's off. I'm sorry." He apologized with a smirk. "We need to get going. Dr. Namid was getting ready to get Able out when I left."

"Shit. Alright, I'll be right behind you." Jax said. He tossed Tig the duffle bag he had slung over his shoulder rather hard. "Guess you'll need this." Jax said sharply.

"I guess so." Tig replied, placing the duffle over his shoulder. I knew it was money for them to pay some Irish dude for the guns they were running through the club. Jax and Tig stared at each other sizing each other up momentarily.

Jax told me that he and Tig have been at odds here lately. It doesn't seem to be letting up anytime soon for him either.

"You headed to the hospital with Jax?" Deacon asked me as he walked up beside me. I nodded my head and took in his appearance. The simple jeans and flannel shirt he was sporting made him almost look dare I say dad like. "Yeah, he asked if I'd tag along. Where are you headed wearing that? You look more dad than outlaw."

Deacon chuckled quietly under his breath. "Drink with an Irishman. Nothing for you to worry about."

"Every time someone says 'don't worry' I'm learning I should worry." I said. Deacon squeezed my shoulder lightly and then headed towards his bike. I liked that he wasn't really pushing me to talk to him. Things between us were rocky but we were starting to feel each other out more and more.

Clay and Gemma shared a kiss through her car window and she demanded that Deacon and Tig keep their eye on Clay.

I took my car and followed Jax and Gemma back over to St. Thomas. It was already dark out; the street lights illuminated our way. A light drizzle of rain hit the windshield but it wasn't enough to even turn the wipers on.

We stood in Abel's room and waited for twenty minutes once we got there. Jax had his arm around my shoulder; we were waiting for Tara, well Dr. Knowles, to finish examining Abel before anyone could hold him. Gemma was sitting in the rocking chair by what used to be Abel's incubator.

Jax sighed beside me and I noticed his foot tapping on the linoleum floor. He was nervous to hold Abel and it was completely adorable. I ran my hand down his chest and he met my gaze. "It's okay to be nervous you know."

"I've never held a baby before. I don't want to break him." He replied. "You'll be fine. I promise." I leaned up and kissed him gently on the lips completely forgetting Gemma was in the room.

"Thanks for being here." He whispered back to me. I ran my fingers along the side of his cheek lightly.

Gemma cleared her throat just as the door opened. Tara walked in holding Abel in her arms. He was swaddled up in a blue fleece blanket. "He's all checked out and ready to come see daddy." Tara said. Part of me wanted to punch her in the face for kissing Jax, but I had more class than that and I liked to think I had more restraint too.

Tara glanced at me and Gemma and gave us a tight smile. She gently handed Abel over to Jax. She gave him instructions on how to hold him and then excused herself from the room.

Jax held Abel in his arms and gazed down at his tiny little face. He smiled that sweet smile he always gives me and stared at his son with adoration and amazement. I felt my eyes brim with tears, but fought them off. Abel squirmed and cooed and looked right back up at Jax. I felt so honored to get to see and share this moment with Jax.

"We'll give you guys a minute." Gemma whispered as Jax carefully sat down in the rocking chair with Abel. Gemma touched my shoulder and I was about to follow her out when Jax's voice stopped me. "Ro, stay."

Gemma turned and nodded for me to stay and then closed the door. I smiled and knelt down beside Jax and Abel. "He's so beautiful Jax." I whispered.

"I don't know how to break this to you, buddy, but I'm you're old man." Jax told Abel, his voice raspy. He was being so open and so vulnerable in front of me it made my heart ache for him.

Jax let Abel wrap his little hand around one of his fingers and beamed down at him. I caressed Abel's head with my hand gently, feeling his blonde little peach fuzz hair.

Jax looked up at me, "You wanna hold him?"

"Really?" I grinned. Jax chuckled at my excitement and nodded his head. "Yes, of course!"

He stood up slowly and I got to my feet. He handed me Abel and I carefully held him in my arms. It felt so thrilling and terrifying to be holding something this small! "Oh my god. He's so tiny. He looks just like you!" I rambled on staring down into his blue little eyes. I lifted Abel up a little higher and kissed his forehead and breathed him in. He had that brand new baby smell everyone always talks about.

Jax stood in front of me and ran his hand over Abel's head. He looked up at us with wide curious eyes. "Little man, this is Ro." Jax introduced us. I felt the tears running down my cheeks. Abel had gone through so much. He was definitely a little fighter, like his father.

A part of me felt a little sad holding him. It made me realize my mom would never get to hold my kid if I ever had any of my own someday. She would miss seeing her grandkids. But the joy of holding something so precious and perfect in my arms outshines the sadness weighing on my heart.

Abel's little hand found a button on my shirt and he pulled on it. "Hey, now. Those puppies are mine. You'll get your own set when you turn fifteen." Jax said, referring to my breasts.

My eyes bugged out as I cracked up laughing. "Jackson Teller!" I kicked him in the shoe with my shoe and he laughed back at me. "That will not happen, no it won't, not if I have anything to say about it. You'll be way way older than fifteen." I told Abel in a baby voice.

Jax placed his hand on my hip and I looked up at him. He brushed some hair behind my ear and wiped a tear that had ran down my cheek with his thumb. "We're your family, we'll always be your family. I want you to know that."

He caressed my face and kissed me. When we broke apart I looked down to see a tiny grin tugging at Abel's lips. "I think he likes when we kiss." We shared another kiss and sure enough Abel smiled again.

Jax's phone rang and he stepped back to answer it. "Jesus Christ. Is he okay?... Yeah… I'm on my way." He hung up the phone and looked at me. All the blood had drained from his face. I felt my stomach lurch as he shook his head. "What is it?" Something was wrong. I could feel it.

"I gotta go. Someone tried to shoot Clay tonight. I don't know all the details." Jax said quickly.

"Is he okay? Is Deacon okay?" The words fell out of my mouth. He'd been with Clay. My mind jumped to every worse possible scenario.

"I don't know. I gotta go. I'll call you. Stay here with my mom until I call you." Jax said sternly. He kissed me briefly and kissed Abel on the head before running out the door…

SOA

After Gemma got a call from Tig I followed her in my car back to the clubhouse. We both had no idea what had happened or why. We both got out of our cars and jogged inside the office where we could see lights shining. As we walked through the office and out into the bay we could see the ambulance the prospect stole and the guys huddled around it. Someone was moaning out in pain. I still didn't know if my dad was okay and fear crept up my spine as I followed Gemma out into the garage.

"Clay! What the hell happened, baby!" Gemma croaked out as Clay walked towards her. They hugged each other tightly. "I'm alright. I'm alright. Darby and those Mayan wetbacks won't be though."

"They who put out the hit?" Gemma asked holding clay at arms length.

Deacon walked into view and I felt myself let out a breath. He was okay. Thank god. He walked over to me and without speaking or thinking about it to much I hugged him. "I'm alright, kiddo." He whispered. We let go of each other as whoever was in the ambulance screamed again.

Jax was leaning against a toolbox. The look on his face told me he was clearly pissed off. I walked over to the back of the ambulance to see Chibs, Eddie and Juice holding some guy down on a gurney. Chibs was applying pressure to the guys leg were it looked like he'd been shot.

"We're gonna need you're help." Jax said behind me. I turned to look at him and back at the guy bleeding out. "What do you need me to do?"

"You're a nurse. Or you're gonna be one. See what you can do to help Chibs." Jax said. He gave me an 'I'm sorry to drag you into this' look.

I ran a hand through my hair. When I got my EMT certification a few months ago I had to clock so many hours in an ambo with paramedics. We actually had picked up a man with a GSW. This wasn't shocking to me, which I found comforting.

"The slug in his ass may have hit an artery. It's probably the only thing that slowing down the blood loss. The only way we're gonna save this guy is if we get some surgical tools. Scalpels, clamps, sutures, needles. That kind of shit." Chibs said, glancing at me.

I nodded. "I'm guessing a hospital is out of the question.

"Irishman is wanted. No hospitals." Deacon said. "Numbnuts here only has five months of medical under his belt from the army." He went on.

"Okay…umm. I should have most of the stuff we'll need in my med kit at home." I said, letting my instincts take control. I climbed into the back of the ambulance and searched through the compartments. "Irishman have a name?" I asked, pulling out a vile of morphine.

"Cammy Hayes." Juice said, as the poor guy let out another agonizing moan. I found a needle and opened it and filled the syringe with a decent amount of morphine. It wouldn't knock him out, but it would make him more comfortable.

I stuck the needle in his leg. "This should help ease the pain, Cammy. Hang in there, okay?" I said to the man. He mumbled a thanks as I climbed back out of the ambulance.

I pulled Jax off to the side overhearing Clay telling Gemma that more SAMCRO members were going to be coming into town tomorrow. "Look I can try and help get the slug out of his leg, with what's in my pack we should be okay. But he's gonna need antibiotics to fight off any kind of infection that's surely settled in by now." I told Jax.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and nodded his head. "Let's take care of one thing at a time. Where's your med kit."

"It's at my house. I'll be back." I dug my keys out of my pocket.

I ran to my car and got in and drove straight to my house. I pulled into the driveway and shut off the engine and got out. As I walked into the house I was met with total darkness, which was weird since I always leave the light on under the stove. I sat my keys down with my purse on the floor by the door and jogged down the hall to my bedroom.

The house was eerily quiet. I paused at my moms bedroom door momentarily before shaking my head out of it and went into my room. I flipped the lights on and swung open the closet door. Kneeling down I started tossing crap out of the way to find my red medical kit.

I pulled it out and glanced at my bed and froze. Not one muscle on my body moved. My eyes locked on the yellow rose petals tossed all over the bed. Rose petals… No. No. No.

A creak coming from the hallway caught my attention and I whirled around to see Jerry standing in the doorway. I wanted to scream, but nothing came out. I stood there frozen. He was gone. He wasn't supposed to be here. This thing with him was over.

"What are you doing here?" My voice shook. He sauntered into the room staring at me like I was a meal and he was starving. "You shouldn't be here! You need to leave. NOW." The closer he got to me the more I backed up until I was against the closet door.

"Now, now. Calm down. There's no need to be upset. I just think it's about time we have a little chat. We left things so unresolved before I…left." He spoke standing in front of me.

My heart thumped in my ears loudly. He was a few inches away from me now. My eyes darted to the door. I needed to get to my car. He wasn't just going to leave. No matter how many times I begged him. "I just need five minutes of your time." He said giving me a sickly sweet smile. His hands reached out and touched my sides. I jerked my knee up quickly and kneed him in the balls and shoved him away from me.

"You stupid bitch!" Jerry groaned as he stumbled back in pain. I darted to the door, gripping the frame for support. I made it to the living room and saw my bag by the door.

The gun. Gemma's gun was still in my bag. I was about to go for it when I felt something grab my hair and arm and a scream escaped from my lips. I was thrown backwards and stumbled losing my balance. My head collided with the edge of the coffee table and my vision went black.

"I didn't want things to be this way, you know! But you gave me no other choice! You did this to your self." Jerry yelled.

I clutched my head and moaned lying on my side on the carpet. My hand came back red, bloody. My vision blurred as I rolled onto my back. "You don't have to do this." I said, trying to desperately regain my barrings. I tried to sit up only for him to push me back down with his foot.

"Oh but I do! I didn't want this to happen, but you just wouldn't let me in. I'm a good guy, nothing like Teller. Do you honestly think he's going to take care of you?" Jerry said. He was crazed and manic. He kept looking around the room as he if he were looking at someone else besides me.

"Please, if you leave I won't tell anyone what happened. Just go." I cried out. Silent tears had started to fall from my face.

My phone rang in my bag and we both froze and looked at it. "Don't fucking move." Jerry hissed. It had to be Jax wondering where I was. I closed my eyes and wished he were here.

A searing pain throbbed in the back of my head. "I need to answer that." I said slowly as the phone continued to ring over and over. "It's Jax. He's expecting me. If I don't answer he'll know something's wrong." I tried to plead with him. "He'll come here." I tries again.

I needed the gun, a way to get the gun out of the bag. Jerry ran his hands through his greasy hair and grabbed my bag and tossed it to me roughly. He knelt down in front of me and grabbed my hair causing me to cry out. "Answer it." He hissed into my ear, "You tell him you're not coming and you're done with him. You tell him that you need a real man to take care of you." He kissed my cheek sloppily as I pushed against his chest. I wanted to puke. He gripped my wrist tightly and stared directly at me. "If you so much as try and tell him I'm here, I'll slit your throat."

"What? You're not going to keep begging me for your life?" He half laughed, leaning in and sniffing my hair. My entire body trembled as I slid my bag off my lap onto the floor beside me. I squirmed pulling my leg up to block the bag slightly and reached inside and felt for the gun.

"I'm not gonna beg you for my life. But you can beg me for hours." I hissed, pulling the gun out and slamming it into his face as hard as I could. He fell back and cursed as I stumbled to my feet keeping the gun pointed on him.

"Don't move! Or I swear to god I will shoot you." I cried out. My hands shook holding the but of the gun. I clicked the safety off. Jerry sat on the floor holding his lip and then he started laughing.

"You really think I didn't know you had that in your bag? I'm appalled you think I'm that stupid." He got to his feet and started towards me.

"Don't come any closer!" I yelled. I had my finger on the trigger. I had no other options. He was going to kill me or worse rape me if I didn't pull the trigger. "Don't make me do this!" Tears streamed down my cheeks as my breathing increased. My chest felt heavy and my vision swayed.

Jerry continued to laugh and come towards me. Without thinking I closed my eyes and pulled the trigger. I braced myself for the loud pop and the kickback but it never came.

Nothing happened. I pulled it again. And again. I froze, realizing there were no bullets in the chamber.

"Think you're missing something." Jerry reached in his pocket and pulled out a handful of bullets and let them trickle between his fingers onto the floor. My heart sank as I dropped the gun and turned to go for the front door.

I fumbled with the lock and felt him grab my waist and pull my back. I screamed and kicked my feet knocking over a lamp in the process. "Get off of me! You sick bastard." I elbowed him in the ribs and felt his grip on my waist tighten even more.

He slammed my body onto the floor as my phone rang again. I tried to crawl to my bag as he towered over me. He grabbed my ankle and twisted me onto my back and knelt to straddle me. I slammed my hands into his chest so hard my palms stung. He gripped my wrists and pinned them above my head.

My phone rang again. The sound pierced my ears. It was the only thing I could hear, aside from both of our heavy breathing. I clung to the ringtone because I knew Jax was on the other end.

"I can see what Teller sees in you," he caressed my cheek but not in the sweet way Jax did. His hand traveled over and he touched my hair. "I love this long hair of yours. I always wondered what it would be like to run my fingers through it."

I cried and continued to try and break my hand free from his grasp. "Don't do this! You don't have to do it this way. You said you wanted to talk, so let's talk." I tried to persuade him. It was my only other option.

"First, get rid of Teller." He snapped, and reached for my bag. He yanked out my phone and handed it to me but placed his hand over my throat. He let go of my other hand and reached behind his back and pulled out another gun. "This ones loaded." He whispered, placing it under my chin. The barrel of the gun dug into my skin. "You tell him what I said."

I answered the phone and held it against my ear tightly. "Ro, where are you?" Jax said immediately. Hearing his voice only made me cry even more. "Rowan?" He said again, "You there?"

"I'm here…" I said, trying to keep my voice steady. Jerry glared at me and took the safety off the gun. "I'm not going to be able to make it." Jerry nodded his head in approval. His free hand left my shoulder and roamed down over my breast and back up again. "It's not going to work out between us Jax."

"Rowan what the hell is going on?" Jax snapped. I squeezed my eyes shut and fought the urge to scream. "I can't do this. I need you to understand. "I need you to stay away from me. Please." I tried to tell him I need him. He was my only hope.

"Rowan…" Jax started say, but Jerry grabbed the phone and hung it up.

"Now it's just us." Jerry smirked, he tossed the phone onto the couch.

"It's just us now." I reassured him. This guy was in stable. There wasn't going to be any reasoning with him. I needed to play along if I was going to make it out of this alive. He wiped the tears from my face and pressed his mouth against my own. I pushed against his chest and he pulled back.

"We can finally be together. I know things got out of hand before and I'm sorry for that. But you went and told Teller about me. He threw me through a fucking window! Why did you tell him I was stalking you? I was looking out for your best interests!" He ran his hands over my chest.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry he did that to you. I guess…I got scared." I said, not really sure what to say for fear of setting him off. I prayed Jax read between the lines of what I was saying to him, but I couldn't bank on that. I needed to play this out and get his gun from him.

"All I want is for us to be happy. I can take care of you in ways that real man can." He whispered leaning down and kissing my neck. He say his gun down on the coffee table and ripped my shirt open, I yelled and squirmed away from him as he reached for my zipper. "Wait! Wait! Wait! Please!" I begged. "I've never been with a real man before. We don't have to go so fast. We can go slow." I tried to talk him down.

He paused and considered my pleas. He took off his wrinkled white t shirt. I placed my hand on his chest and tried to play along like I wanted this. Touching him made my skin crawl. "This should be special…" I let my hand trail down his chest and rest on his belt buckle. His eyes fluttered closed and he reopened them. "Can we go in the bedroom? The floors kind of hard." I mustered up my best smile and blinked away the tears clouding my vision.

Jerry stood up without a word and grabbed his gun and pointed it at me. "Go."

I stood up and felt him grab my wrist. He led me into my bedroom. I noticed him sitting the gun down on my nightstand. I needed to take control of this situation. Playing along was working. I turned to face him and kissed his neck, gently and slowly. He yanked my plaid button up off my shoulders and gripped my sides pulling me into him even more. He sat down on the edge of the bed and said, "Take it off. All of it."

I forced myself to unzip my jeans and slide them off. I felt so exposed and scared to death, but I wasn't going to let this happen. I pulled the tank top I had on off and let it fall to the floor.

His eyes grazed over every inch of my body and I hated it. I hated him. I glanced at the gun and stepped forward between his legs when he grabbed my hand. "How many times did you fuck Teller?" He said, kissing my exposed stomach.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and felt him kissing up my stomach. In between my breasts. Along my neck. He was standing in front of me and he gripped the back of my neck. "How many times did you fuck Teller?" He demanded again.

"I-I-I never had sex with him." I lied. I hoped if he thought I was inexperienced he'd go slower and buy me more time to think of a way to get the gun.

"Now why are you lying to me?" He hissed, pushing me back onto the bed. He took crawled on top of me. "I saw you and Teller the day of your mothers funeral. I watched him fuck you over and over from right over there," he pointed to the closer and my heart stopped. Oh my god. He'd been in there that night. That whole night.

"It doesn't matter. I'm with you now." I said, and held onto his arms. He kissed me on the lips and bile worked its was up my throat. I pushed on his chest and he rolled into his back pulling me onto his chest. I had to straddle his lap and could feel how turned on he was.

I let him touch me and kiss me all the while keeping my eye on the gun on the nightstand. Both of his hands were clutching my sides and ass and I slowly inched my hand over onto the nightstand and grabbed the gun.

Jerry caught my wrist but I kept my hand on the gun. We struggled and in an instant the trigger had been pulled. A loud bang pierced through the room like a cannon ball. Jerry clutched his stomach as blood began to ooze everywhere. His face seemed frozen in shock.

I quickly got off of him and the bed keeping the gun trained on him. "You stupid fucking bitch! You shot me!" He moaned in pain, stumbling off the bed onto the floor.

I ran to the living room and found my phone and called Jax. He answered and I could hear his bike idling in the background. "Jax! It's Jerry he's here!" I cried, hysterical at this point. "I shot him. You have to help me!"

"I'm almost there!" He said before hanging up.

I didn't go back in the bedroom instead I stayed in the living room on the floor in front of the couch with the gun in my hand. Five minutes later there was a loud bang at the door. I jumped, startled by the knock and then ran to the door.

I opened it and Jax stood there frozen for an instant before walking in and enveloping me in his arms. I cried into his chest. He stepped back and looked at me in my bra and panties and then his eyes landed on the gun in my hand. "Where is he?" He hissed, taking the gun from my hand.

"In the bedroom." I whispered shakily


	59. Chapter 59: After The Storm

**Chapter 59**

 **Jax's Point Of View**

As soon as Rowan had left the clubhouse I got this sick feeling in my stomach. When she didn't answer when I called the first three times I knew something was wrong. I could tell when she finally did answer that something was off. Her voice was strained and raspy like she was crying or had been crying. The way she kept saying, "I need you," and "You have to understand," on the phone; I could hear it in her voice. She wanted me to read between the lines. I knew I had to go to her. I was halfway to her house when she called and told me that Kohn was there. Sick son of a bitch.

I stood in Rowan's living room looking at her standing in front of me shaking in her black lace bra and panties. Murder coursed through my veins. I had no idea what he'd done to her. All I knew was he was dead. Every worst possible thing that could've happened in the ten minutes it took me to get here flashed through my mind. "C'mere," I pulled her against my chest and wrapped my arms around her tightly. She sobbed into my sweatshirt and twisted her hands into my cut. "I-I-I couldn't stop him. I tried to talk to him, but.." She mumbled against my chest.

"Shh. It's okay. It's okay. I'm here. I'm right here." I kissed the top of her forehead and let go of her and headed for the bedroom to finish this asshole off once and for all.

I marched into her bedroom and found Kohn lying against the edge of her bed clutching his abdomen. Blood pooled around his hands and onto the carpet. His shirt and jeans were off. His eyes met mine and his face went pale instantly and not from the blood loss.

Fear flickered across his face.

Good.

He should be afraid. I want him to feel exactly what Rowan's feeling right now.

"Oh shit." He all but whispered when he saw me standing in the doorway holding the gun in my hand. He was dead and he knew it. I wasn't letting him walk out of here. There was no fucking way.

Rowan walked up behind me and tugged on my arm pulling me back out into the hallway. Tears steadily streamed down her face. It broke my heart to see her this way. I clenched my hand around the gun and took a few steadying deep breaths.

"I didn't know what to do. I shot him, Jax.

I had to. What do I- what do I do? What do we do?" She looked at me frantically. I held her hand in mine and kissed her forehead.

"We call this in. You're not gonna get charged, he 're gonna patch him up, he'll do a few years for he's gonna be out, free to do this again." I told her. She shook her head frantically and covered her face with her hands.

A scream escaped from her lips.

"No! He can't do this again, Jax! I can't go through this again! I won't do this again and I don't want him to do this to someone else!" She cried out as I pulled her into my chest again. I wrapped my arms around her and felt her entire body trembling.

She was scared to death of this guy and what he'd done to her.

"You stupid bitch!" Kohn yelled, making my hackles rise even more. I gripped the gun in my hand even tighter. "Teller's your solution? You pathetic whore!" I let go of Rowan without any hesitation or reservations and walked back into the bedroom. I aimed the gun at his chest."Once a biker slut, always a-." His sentence was cut short when I pulled the trigger.

The sound of the gun pierced through the air. I heard Rowan screaming behind me and then suddenly everything went quiet.

Kohn's body slumped over onto its side.

He was dead.

I let out a breath I'd been holding and ran a hand down the side of my face. It wasn't like I'd never shot anyone before or killed anyone. But it was never like this. Never this up close and personal. I clenched my jaw shut and turned to see Rowan on her knees in the hallway.

She sat there frozen in shock.

I did what I had to do. The asshole had it coming. There were no other options in my book.

I walked towards Rowan slowly and with caution careful not to startle her and knelt down beside her in the hallway. Her eyes met mine and they were filled with nothing but fear. She opened her mouth to speak several times but nothing came out, only quiet sobs. I pulled her tight against my chest and let her cry.

"It's okay. It's okay. It's over, baby." I whispered into her hair and kissed the crown of her head. She held onto me like I was a life preserver. The only thing keeping her afloat. "It's all over now. I promise."

We sat there for I don't know how long, minutes, hours. I pulled her to her feet and led her into the living room and sat her down on the edge of the couch and wrapped a throw blanket around her. I knelt down on my knees in front of her and cradled her face in my hands so she would look at me.

Silent tears fell down her cheeks. I hated this. I should have came with her. At the very least had someone escort her here. I should have fucking been here. I promised her I would keep her safe and this is what happens. I could hardly look at her without images of what he could have done to her flooding my mind. I needed to know what happened. It was killing me.

"Rowan, darling. I need to know what he did to you? Did he…did he…rape you?" I asked, feeling tears fighting to fall from my own eyes. She blinked a few times and stared at something past my head, unable to look me in the eye. "Rowan, you have to talk to me. I need to know."

"No…" She whispered, shaking her head slowly. Her blue eyes finally met mine and she said, "No. He didn't rape me. He just touched me and kissed me." She squeezed her eyes shut and lowered her head, embarrassed and ashamed.

I held her face and made her look at me again. "It's over." I reassured her. I kissed her forehead and noticed blood in her hair and checked her head. She had a small gash in the back of her head. "Jesus you need stitches. You need a hospital."

"Hospitals ask questions." She said. I watched her reach up slowly, almost like she was in a daze, and touch the gash on the back of her head. "It's not bleeding anymore. It'll be fine." She lowered her hand and wrapped herself back up in the throw blanket.

I went into the kitchen and grabbed an ice pack out of the freezer and wrapped it in a dish towel and took it to her. I sat down beside her and held it on her head while she rested against my chest.

"I'm gonna go grab you some clothes." I said.

I walked down the hall and into her bedroom, ignoring Kohn's lifeless body lying on the floor, and grabbed an old Ramones t-shirt and pair of shorts off the floor by the closet.

Rowan was still sitting on the couch staring at the floor when I returned with her clothes. "I just grabbed whatever." I said, and then helped her put on the shorts and the shirt.

She stood in front of me and rested her head against my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around her and cradled the back of her head. Both our bodies were still buzzing with adrenaline. I kissed her head repeatedly and continued to reassure her that I was here and wasn't going anywhere. Making sure she was okay was my one and only priority at the moment.

It didn't matter that Clay had been shot at or any of the bullshit with the club. It didn't matter that there was a dead body lying in the other room or that I'd pulled the trigger. The only thing that mattered was her.

After a while Rowan pulled back and looked at me. I brushed her hair behind her ears and held her face in my hands, without thinking I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers. I wanted to erase Kohn's mark on her and replace it with mine. "You came for me…" She whispered against my lips. Our noses brushed against each other lightly.

"I'll always come for you no matter what."

"What do we do now?" A fresh set of tears trickled down her cheeks.

"We don't do anything. I'm gonna handle this." I told her, pulling her as close to me as possible. She looked at me a bit confused. "No…no… I'm not letting you do this alone. It's my fault."

"It's not your fault! None of this is on you." I ran my hands up her arms, and cradled her face. My thumb brushed away a stray tear as she hugged me and buried herself in my chest.

"I'm gonna take you to my place and then I'm gonna come back here and take care of this."

 **SOA**

 **Rowan's Point Of View**

Jax walked me into his dark house, flicking the lights on in the kitchen. I leaned against the wall in the hallway by the front door and felt like I might vomit. The sound of the gun going off still pierced through my ears. I felt numb, straight to the bone. I couldn't feel anything except the traces of Kohn's hands all over my body. It made my skin feel like it was actually crawling. I'd considered bathing myself in bleach, but instead decided on about a thousand showers.

Jax walked towards me and pulled me into a hug. I was a wreck and he was the only thing keeping me from collapsing at this point. "I need to take a shower." I stated.

He guided me back into his bedroom where the master bathroom was and led me into it. He turned the shower on for me and got me a clean towel out of the linen closet. "I'm gonna head back to your house." He said, standing in the door of the bathroom.

"Will you stay? At least until I get out of the shower? I don't want to be alone." I heard myself whisper to him. I reached out and took his hand and felt this unbelievable weight settle in my chest.

He'd just killed someone. For me. Because of me someone was dead, again. I looked into his eyes and completely broke in half. "Jax, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry for all of this." I cried out, sobs wracked through my body.

Jax was holding me against him in an instant.

"Hey," he forced me to look up at him, "it's not your fault, darling. Kohn knew when this shit started it was only going to end one of two ways, with him dead or you and it ended how it should have ended!" He said. He pressed his soft lips against my own.

I held his face in my hands. Something inside us both clicked because Jax closed the bathroom door behind him with his foot and placed a slow tender kiss on my lips. I clung to him like I was the titanic sinking and breaking in half and he was the last life boat that could get me to safety. I kissed him back more forcefully and clutched his sweatshirt in my hands. Our lips met and drew back and met again.

Jax pulled my shirt over my head. I slid his cut off his shoulders and watched as he shrugged out of his hoodie and then rugged his white t shirt over his head. His hands were on my skin instantly burning me with his touch. I craved it. I wanted him to erase the feeling of Kohn on my skin and that's exactly what he was doing.

We removed the remainder of our clothes and ended up in the shower together. The hot water pelting my skin was nothing compared to the heat pulsing between the two of us. Jax lifted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist and felt him push inside of me as we collided with the shower wall. I moaned against his lips and dug my nails into his shoulders. His lips swept across my jawline and down my neck as he thrusted in and out slowly. The pressure building inside of me was to much to bare.

I let my head fall back against the tile as water beat down on us both. I felt him kiss down to my breast and his tongue swirling around my nipple before he found my mouth again and claimed it once more. We were both hurting and scared and this was the distraction we both desperately needed. Our hips rocked together. Once. Twice. Three times. My head fell to his shoulder as we both let go. Jax groaned against my ear, breathlessly and then bit my earlobe.

We stayed in the shower so long the water turned ice cold, but I didn't care and neither did he…

 **A/N: TO BE CONTINUED… ;)**


	60. Chapter 60: Hell Followed

**Chapter 60**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

After Jax and I got out of the shower he made me take two Tylenol PM and put me in bed. He told me I needed to try and get some sleep. Sleep was literally the last thing on my mind, but once the pills kicked in and I fell into a calmer state, sleep didn't seem like such a horrible idea. In fact I welcomed it with open arms. I'd made him promise to stay with me until I fell asleep, which he did, then he left to go back to my house and deal with Kohn's body.

I startled myself awake, covered in a layer of sweat; Jax's t shirt clung to my skin. I lied curled in a ball on Jax's side of the bed. The smell of him lingered on the sheets and pillow. Slowly, wiping the sleep from my eyes, I rolled over onto my back, glancing at the other side of the bed. Jax wasn't there. The blankets on the side of the bed hadn't even been moved.

My head throbbed along with the rest of my body. I gradually pushed myself up on one elbow and blearily looked around Jax's room. The past twenty four hours seemed unreal. I'd hoped last night was just a terrible horrible dream, but I wasn't that lucky.

We'd killed someone. It was in self defense, but still. But, was it really in self defense? A little voice in the back of my mind sounded off. I'd already shot him once. He was down, before Jax arrived. We could have just called the police… Should we have just called the police?

Images of Kohn's pale lifeless body lying on my bedroom floor flashed through my mind. His face, his sickly face, forever contorted into a state of shock. I can't go back now. I'll forever be haunted by this. By him.

My stomach rolled at the memory. A hand flew to my mouth as I raced into the bathroom. I flipped the toilet seat up and emptied the contents of my stomach. My body heaved as I sat on my knees and puked. My throat burned from the acids in my stomach. I felt feverish and dizzy as I slumped against the side of the wall.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. Looking down I noticed the bruise that wrapped around my forearm from where Kohn pinned my arms above my head. Instinctively, I reached up and felt the lump on the back of my head. I ran my fingers over the rough scab that had formed. Frowning and feeling nauseated again I slowly stood up and forced myself to remove Jax's shirt and stepped into the shower.

I turned the water on and glanced down at my body. A bruise had formed on my thigh and one had formed on my collarbone. Anger coursed through every single one of my veins. Every ounce of me wanted to curl back up into a ball and cry. I wanted to break, but I wasn't going to give that bastard another tear. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. I fought back the flood of tears welling in my eyes and fi shed scrubbing myself clean for the millionth time.

I wrapped a towel around myself as I stepped out of the shower and stood in front of the mirror. I swiped my hand across the mirror to remove the steam and was surprised to see the face looking back at me. It was me, but it wasn't me. The person I was no longer existed anymore. I avoided making eye contact with myself in the mirror the entire time I brushed my teeth.

Then I forced myself to look.

My eyes were swollen and bloodshot from hair was wet and long hanging around my face "I love this long hair of yours." I flinched hearing Kohn's words, if only in my own memory. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a few deep breaths to steady myself. "I always wondered what it would be like to run my fingers through it." My eyes snapped open and I turned the bathroom upside down going through the drawers and cabinets until I found what I was looking for.

Scissors.

I took a handful of hair in my hands and without hesitation cut it off. Drops of blonde hair puddled around my feet on the floor. I chopped enough off to make it just rest above my shoulders. Once I was finished I tossed the scissors in the sink and stared at myself. My head felt lighter. But the weight in my chest was still there. I was still the same girl that had been attacked last night. I was still the same girl who watched her boyfriend shoot someone in cold blood for her. I was still the girl who didn't have a mother anymore. I was still the girl who'd killed someone.

I would always be that girl. I didn't want to be that girl.

Before I even knew what I was doing my fist collided with the mirror. It cracked and shattered. A searing pain cut through my knuckles and across the top of my hand. I blinked a few tears away and pulled my hand back. A few tiny shards of glass were stuck in my skin. I looked at my broken reflection in the mirror and took a few deep breaths.

Deep down in my gut I knew Jax had done the right thing last night. Kohn wasn't going to stop until one of us was dead, just like Jax said. Even if he would have left me alone, he would have done this to some other girl. I would have never been able to live with myself if I let him walk. Kohn started this, I ended it.

I cleaned my hand up and wrapped it up tightly and sat down in my towel on Jax's bed. Where the hell is he? His house, well, my house now, was so quiet. It felt like the walls were caving in all around me. I could feel my chest tightening as I pulled on a black tank top and a pair of green running shorts. I needed air and space. I slipped on a pair of black nikes and ran out the front door.

I didn't have a destination in mind when I left, but my feet carried me to the one place I knew I would feel somewhat close to the person I desperately wanted to see.

 **SOA**

 **Jax's Point of View**

I'd spent the night getting Kohn's body out of Rowans house. I tossed him in an unmarked grave a hundred miles outside of Charming. The house was quiet as I walked inside. Rowan must still be asleep. I quietly shrugged out of my cut and hung it by the front door and then walked into the laundry room and stripped down to my boxers. I shoved all my clothes into the washer and let them soak. Last thing I need is any of Kohn's DNA showing up somewhere in my house.

Pinching the bridge of my nose I walked down the hall into the bedroom. The bed was empty and unmade. I pushed the bathroom door open to see that a bomb had gone off. Locks of blonde hair covered the floor and the mirror was smashed in. "Jesus, Ro." I glanced at the shower to see that it was empty. She wasn't here. Where the fuck did she go? She was smart, so I know she wouldn't go to the cops and turn herself in.

I hopped in the shower to clean up quickly.

I got dressed quickly and found my cell in the laundry room where I left it and called Rowans cell. "It's Rowan, you know what to do." Her cheerful voice filled my ears. Voicemail. I snapped the phone shut and decided to go look for her, ignoring the twenty missed calls from my mother. Gemma's probably out of her fucking mind after everything with Clay last night, but I can't focus on the club until I find Rowan. Besides, I'm gonna need her for the Irishman if Chibs hasn't patched him up yet.

I pulled my cut on and walked out the front door. I looked up to see Tig getting off his bike and my fucking mother getting out of her car. Jesus Christ. I should've known she'd fucking come looking for me.

"Jesus Christ. You scared the shit out of me!" She hollered, then pulled me into a hug. "Where you been?" She asked, holding me at arms length.

I sighed. "I'm sorry. I got caught up."

My mother looked at me skeptically as Tig approached us. She noticed my hair was damp and reached up and touched it. "Have you been here? This whole time?" She interrogated me.

"We been waiting for those medical supplies, man." Tig growled, glaring at me.

I shot him a look. "I know."

"That's it? You know? Someone tries to kill Clay, and you decide it's a good time to get laid? Where's blonde?" Gemma went off, she pushed past me and headed towards the front door.

"It's not like that, mom. You don't know what the fuck you're talking about." I snapped. She whirled around on the porch and gave me her trademark Gemma death stare.

"If you want to play house with this girl, you do it on your own goddamn time! If she's gonna be with you then she needs to learn real quick that the club will always come first, not her pussy." She retorted, turning on her heel to grab the front door.

After everything that's happened in the last twenty four hours dealing with my overbearing mother was enough to send me over the edge.

"She's not there," I yelled, feeling my jaw clench, "Don't go looking for her either, mom!" I snarled, catching my mothers eye. She paused at the door and then let go of it.

I walked over to my bike beside Rowans mustang and got on it. Her medical supplies bag dangled from the handle bars. Tig wondered over and rested his foot on the tailpipe of my Harley. I glared at him and clenched my jaw shut. My adrenaline was still pumping from last night and I had no problem knocking him on his ass right here and right now.

"Don't ever forget your first priority." Tig said. He kept his foot on my bike, begging me to break it off his fucking leg.

"I didn't." I snapped back. It was the truth. I loved Clay and the club, but I loved Rowan too and she was my priority. Always. My family would always be my first priority. I wasn't going to make them same mistakes my father made and abandon my family when they needed me most.

Tig stared at me, challengingly. "Take your foot off my bike." I hissed, putting my helmet on. I gripped the handle bars and watched as Tig slowly removed his foot from my bike. He stepped back and I started my bike and took off to head to the clubhouse. I'd drop the medical supplies off with Chibs and go find Rowan.

 **SOA**

"Jackie boy, where have you been?!" Chibs hollered as I walked into the clubhouse. He took a swig of the whiskey in his hand and accepted the medical bag I held out with his free hand. "I'm here now." I reassured him.

"The bullet in this guy's ass has hit a major femoral artery. He needs a doctor and he needs it now." Chibs informed me.

I nodded and patted his shoulder. "All right." I glanced around the clubhouse looking for Clay, but didn't see him anywhere. Piney was sitting at one of the tables with Deacon. Four empty shot glasses sat in front of them. It's five o'clock somewhere, right? "Where's Clay?"

"Unser took him in for questioning. The Mayans tried to hit Darby, too." Opie said. He walked out from behind the bar to my right and picked up a pack of smokes.

"Holy shit." So this wasn't just a beef with us.

"The other charters are on their way, all right? Clay wants to bounce out this Mayan problem with them - before we decide on any retaliation." Tig said, crossing his arms over his chest.

I nodded. "Okay, makes sense. Let me know if anything breaks."

"Where's my kid?" Deacon asked, zoning in on me. I ignored him. I'd love to know myself. I started for the door, but was blocked by my mother. "Where are you going?"

"To find Rowan. Now move." I snapped, irritated. Gemma thought for a moment and then stepped out of the way.

"Don't ride alone." She ordered. I heard Opie say he'd ride with me as I walked out of the door.

Opie grabbed my shoulder to slow me down. "Dude, where have you been?" He asked. I shot him a look telling him I didn't want to talk about it. "Shit. Hang on." Opie said causing me to look up and see Donna across the lot.

I got on my bike and waited for Opie to get done talking to Donna. I couldn't hear what she was saying, but she looked pissed to say the least.

My mind races around trying to figure out where Rowan might be. From the way I found the house she's probably a fucking wreck right now. She's scared. Where would she go if she's scared? Who would she turn to besides me? Lena? No. She wouldn't drag her best friend into this. Deacon obviously hasn't heard from her. Her moms gone… Her mom. She'd want to be with her mom. Only way she could do that is if she went to the cemetery.

Donna yelling pulled me out of my own head. She. took off in Opie's truck as he walked towards me. He got on his bike and sighed. Whatever just happened wasn't good. That much I knew.

"Look, I'm fine, man. You should go after her. Fix whatever that was." I said.

"I can't keep doing this. Half our goddamned fights are about money, and I can't get ahead without the club. I need back in. Guns, protections runs, all of it." Opie said. He looked at me with an almost defeated expression. He's been busting his ass at the saw mill trying to earn straight since he got out of jail, but shit just isn't clicking together for him.

"You still gotta talk to Donna-" Opie cut me off. "I'm done talking. I want back in, Jax. I'll talk to Clay when I see him." He started his bike letting me know the conversation was over.

 **SOA**

We rode to the cemetery and sure enough Rowan was there. Ope and I parked our bikes under a few trees. He got off to follow me, but I stopped him. "Give me a few minutes with her?" He nodded and leaned against his bike.

Rowan sat up against her moms headstone. Her face was buried in her knees and she was hugging herself. I approached her and knelt down beside her and touched her shoulder. She yelped, startled and scooted away from me not realizing it was just me. "Jesus Christ!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to scare you!" I whispered, kneeling the rest of the way down and hugging her. I kissed the top of her head and felt her clinging to my arm as she leaned against my chest.

We stayed like that for a few minutes without saying a word.

She sat up and looked at me. Her hair was chopped off. I reached up and held a piece between my fingers. "This is new." I gave her a small smile. "What made you cut it?"

My hand fell. She lowered her eyes and then looked up and fixated them on something in the distance. "He said he liked my hair long. I didn't want to have anything he liked." She said.

It was different seeing her with short hair. I liked it though. It framed her face better and gave me easier access to her neck. I held her hand and looked at the bandages wrapped around her knuckles. "And this?" I arched an eyebrow.

"I didn't want to be me." She whispered and gave me a sarcastic smirk. I lifted her knuckles up to my lips and kissed them.

"What did you do with him?" She asked, looking at me now.

I shook my head. "You don't need to know. It's over and done."

I caressed her face. "How are you?" I asked, trying to read her face.

"I honestly don't even know at this point." She half laughed half cried. My thumb caught a tear that fell from her eye. She was trying like hell to hold it together and not let anything show, but her walls were crumbling one at a time.

"How are you?" She asked me, touching my chin. Her fingers barely touching the stubble on my cheek. "Worried about you." I said. She scooted closer to me and kissed me softly on the lips.

"What did we do, Jax?" I tucked some hair behind her ear and rested my forehead against hers. I didn't regret pulling the trigger last night. I did what I had to do to protect what's mine.

"I never wanted this to happen. I-I-I never wanted this for you, Jax. For it to come to this. You asked me once if I was with you because I was scared of this guy and I told you no, but maybe deep down I knew that if it came down to it you'd be there…" She whispered to me, her voice raspy and shaking.

I kissed her lips tenderly and felt her nose brush against mine. "It was survival. You did what you had to do. Even though I know that's not why we became a thing, maybe deep down your instincts steered you towards me. He wasn't gonna stop until someone ended up dead. I chose him."

"Is that how you live, by your own moral code? Does that make it okay?" She whispered leaning her head against my chest.

"I don't know what the moral code is." I wrapped my arms around her and held her against my chest. "I've never killed anyone like that." She looked up at me with a broken expression. She held my face in her hands and I felt myself becoming vulnerable with her. Something I never was with Tara or Wendy really.

"I'm so sorry, Jax." She whispered and she meant it. She wasn't sorry as in blaming herself, but sorry that I had to go through killing him. I swallowed the lump in my throat and wiped my eyes. I hadn't let myself feel anything until now and now I can't control it. "You're in shock, Jax."

"I don't think anything could shock me anymore…I've been waking up everyday since Abel was born wondering who was gonna die today. It scares the shit outta me, and this morning I woke up and that feeling was gone. It scares me more."

Rowan ran her hand up and down my chest soothingly and bit her bottom lip nervously. "What can I do? How can I make this easier for you? I'll do anything."

I looked her in the eye. I could see that she was just a scared broken little bird that wanted to fly away from all this fucked up shit. But I needed her. "Promise me… Promise me you won't let this make you run away from here…from me. Don't go anywhere. Don't leave me. Just don't. I need you. I need to be the person I am when I'm with you." I told her, feeling my voice faltering.

Our lips found each other without hesitation. I gripped the side of her neck and sucked her bottom lip into my mouth as our tongues found one another. They danced around in slow drawn out languid strokes. Rowan gripped my face as she pulled back. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise you. I'm here, and I'll be here." She placed her palm on my heart.

"I need you to come to the club with me. That Irishman ain't doing to good. Chibs could use your help." I said. Opie was walking towards us now.

"Oh my god. I completely forgot about him. He's probably already got an infection by now if he didn't get those slugs out. I know someone who can get some antibiotics." She blurted out quickly, "Let's go."

 **A/N: Thank you thank you thank youuuu for your wonderful reviews! I'm going to try and answer some questions a few of you left below!**

 **AnyaMorrow: I loved how Jax and Tara hooked up finally on the show at that point but hated that they had sex right next to Kohns body so I made some changes haha and Rowan will find out she's pregnant within the next few chapters!**

 **Clb83: Josh will show up later on, but he was never with Tara. He'll be looking for his brother! Hehe. That's all I can say!**


	61. Chapter 61: Staking Claims

**Chapter 61**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Opie and Jax waited for me in the emergency room at St. Thomas while I met with an old friend from high school to pick up some things I figured I'd need to patch up the Irishman after talking with Chibs on the phone. One of the bullets in the Irishman hit a femoral artery so I was going to need more supplies than what was in my med pack and on the ambulance.

Cara had moved to Charming our junior year in high school from Dallas, Texas. We became friends her first day when the Helter Skelter paired us up for an assignment. She was just a sweet southern belle that had moved here because of her fathers job. Since high school Cara became an ER nurse here at St. Thomas. If things had gone as planned and my mom wouldn't haven't gotten sick I would be an ER nurse in Boston right now.

I rested my elbows on the nurses station counter and felt my foot tapping against the linoleum floor nervously. Cara was on her way to meet me according to her last text. As I waited for Cara I watched the nurses and doctors bustling about around me. I spotted Tara walking down the hallway looking over a patients chart and ducked my head. "Shit." I mumbled under my breath. I really did not want to see her, especially since she kissed my boyfriend.

Tara stood across the nurses station still studying the chart in her hand. After a moment she handed it over to the nurse behind the desk and her eyes caught mine. Great. Trying to be the bigger person, I pushed my anger towards her down and gave her a tight smile and small wave. Move along, please. I prayed. Can't a patient crash right now or she be needed in surgery. God, I'm a horrible person.

Tara took a deep breath heading over towards me.

"Rowan, what are you doing here? Do you need to be seen by a doctor?" Tara said, a bit too concerned in my opinion. I probably need to make an appointment with a shrink at this point.

"No, no. I'm fine. Just meeting a friend. How's Abel?" I tried to keep things short and sweet.

Tara smiled curtly. "Oh he's wonderful. Jax has a beautiful little boy."

"That he does." I mustered up a smile. We agreed on that. Abel was undeniably adorable. He got that from Jax.

We stood in an awkward silence for a minute that felt like an eternity. Just when I thought Tara was about to walk away she opened her mouth. "Listen, I just wanted to apologize for overstepping with Jax. The kiss was completely my fault. Please don't be angry with him."

"It's okay." I lied. "I'm not mad at him. We talked and worked it all out. He explained what happened." Tara stared at me with a shocked expression. I guess she was hoping kissing Jax would have caused more problems.

"Well I'm glad you two worked things out." Tara said. There was no sincerity behind her words. She looked like she swallowed something sour. I watched as she stuck her hands in her white coat pockets and turned her nose up at me.

I've never been the type of girl who staked her claim on a guy before. Probably because I've never been with a guy really worth staking a claim on. It was so trivial and high school, not to mention immature, but I felt like I had to say something. I guess we never really leave high school.

"Listen, I know you and Jax have a history and I respect that history. I know that you meant a lot to him and you still do. But I'd really like for you to respect what I have with Jax. I really think that we are trying to build something together and I just want you to know that." I blurted out, staring at Tara. She seemed taken aback by my declaration. Almost offended even.

Tara scoffed and bit her bottom lip. "Do you know what you're getting into?"

"I'm completely aware of what exactly I'm getting into." I replied. I know what kind of man Jax is. I know everything he does is for a good reason.

"You might think you know Jax, but he will never truly let you all the way in. It's just who he is. The club will pull him under. Can you handle that? I don't think you can. I know him. I've known him and the club for years. You're in way over your head." Tara said, shaking her head. "Jax needs someone who can stand by him through anything."

"How rich coming from the girl who walked out on him without so much as a goodbye." I shot back with a glare. How dare she say that after what she did to him all those years ago.

Obviously, she wasn't going to take the hint. I realized I'd have to be just a little bit more blunt. I stepped closer towards her and crossed my arms over my chest.

"I'm trying to be nice here. Jax is mine, it's as simple as that. Back off. Or I promise the next conversation we have about this won't be near this pleasant. Okay?" I smirked. Tara's nostrils flared and her cheeks flushed pink.

She stormed off without a word.

"Nice talking to you too!" I called out and waved before spinning on my heels when someone grabbed my arm.

"Ro! Oh my god! It's been forever!" Cara enveloped me in a tight hug. I flinched, but relaxed and hugged her back. She pulled back and gave me her best Miss USA pageant smile. She was decked out in blue scrubs and white sneakers. "It has been way to long, girl!" Her Texas accent was thicker than ever.

I smiled. I wonder if I keep smiling if it will permanently freeze my face like this so I can stop pretending. "I know! Thanks for meeting me! I'm sorry it's been so long." It's been months since Cara and I have hung out. She got busy with med school and I had to defer on classes when my mom got sick, so we lost touch. Things like that just happened, but I knew she'd be here for me when I needed her, especially after what I did for her.

"I'm so sorry to here about your mama! She was an amazing woman! I'm sorry I couldn't make it to the funeral. I was in Texas visiting old friends when I heard and couldn't make it back in time!"

"No worries, really. It's okay." I reassured her as we started to walk down the hallway. She looked the same as she did in high school only slightly shorter blonde hair. She still had the same sun kissed skin that I envied oh so much. I always burned when I tried to tan.

"So what's up? Do you wanna walk to Starbucks? It's almost my lunch break." Cara offered. I shook my head and pulled her off into an empty room.

"Do you remember that time I took the SAT's for you and you said you owed me big time. Well, I need to cash in on that. I need a favor." I arched my brows. Back in high school Cara wasn't exactly top of our class. I was. She was smart, but struggled with Math and English. Which were two of my strongest subjects. SAT's rolled around and she failed in those categories. Her parents were livid. So she offered me five hundred dollars to retake her exams in those areas. My mom and I were struggling finically then so I took her up on her offer and posed as her and took the tests.

"Okay, what do you need?" She asked, eyeing me suspiciously. She placed her hands on her hips and stared me down.

"I need medical supplies. Gunshot wound. I need the works. And I need as much penicillin as you can get without raising questions."

"What the hell do you need all that for?" Cara hissed, incredulously. Her big green eyes practically bugged out of her head.

"I really need you not to ask questions. Please, if it wasn't serious I wouldn't ask you to do something like this."

"I don't know, Ro. I mean they inventory everything. If I get caught I could lose my job and I love my job." Cara stressed. She ran her fingers through her ponytail.

"Please, Cara. You owe me." I pressed.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Fine. Wait here. You're lucky I love you." And with that she disappeared out of the room.

A few minutes later Cara returned carrying a small blue medical bag full of everything I'd need to help patch up the Irishman. I thanked Cara profusely and promised this was a one time thing. I prayed it was a one time thing at least.

 **SOA**

The clubhouse was full of life when we arrived. A wave of cigar and cigarette smoke invaded my nostrils the moment we stepped in the door. Men from different charters of SAMCRO filled every available space. The place was packed. Jax said they'd called in reinforcements since the attack on Clay. Music blared through the stereo and the club pieces handed out beers and liquor. It was all a little overwhelming for me after everything that's happened.

Jax pulled me into his side tightly, wrapping an arm around my waist. He either sensed my heightening anxiety or he was staking his claim on me. A lot of eyes were ogling me and I wished I would have been able to change into some jeans instead of my short running shorts.

We paused outside of the doors to the chapel. Jax tucked some hair behind my ear and gave me a soft smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. He was tired, I could tell by the way he was looking at me. "Before you go in, I just want you to know that I appreciate you doing this. Do what you can for the Irishman. Okay?"

"Okay." He slid his hand around my neck gently and pulled me in for a long slow kiss that sent my stomach into a fluttering frenzy. A lot of eyes were watching us, but suddenly I didn't care.

I kissed him one more time on the cheek before pushing open one of the double doors and walking in. Jax followed in behind me, placing his hand on the small of my back.

"Jesus Christ." I whispered taking in the scene before me.

Cameron Hayes lied on top of the table in the room half unconscious. Blood soaked a majority of his clothes and the table and the floor. Juice had his hand practically up the Irishman's ass. Looks like his finger was the only thing keep this poor man from bleeding out. Chibs was digging around with tweezers trying to get the fragments of the bullets out of his leg.

"Thank god you're here, kid. Took two slugs. I got one out, but the other is still in there. I'm in way over my head here." Chibs said stepping back away from the table.

I walked around the table and sat my bag down and began pulling everything out. When I was an EMT I had watched my primary remove slugs from a kids chest, but I've never done anything like this myself. It was all pretty text book, but if I hit one wrong thing it could be catastrophic. And seeing as we've already hit a femoral artery the odds are against me.

"Little Dutch boy's keeping the blood dike from bursting." Gemma said, gesturing towards Juice.

"Have some Vancomycin." I tossed the bottle to Gemma so she could give Cameron some. This'll kill anything. Give him two now and then one every four hours."

Gemma with the zero amount of bedside manner that she had walked over and started tapping Cameron in the face to get him to wake up. "Got to wake up!" She shrieked as I checked the IV Chibs had successfully put in.

Cameron stirred awake and groaned in agony. He was pretty delirious from the pain. I noticed the empty vile of morphine lying on the table. They'd gone through all of it overnight.

"Wake up, come on!" Gemma tried again. "What's going on?" He slurred his words.

"Take these. Nurse is here. She's going to fix you up. Here you go." Gemma said. She tossed the pills in his mouth and gave him some whiskey to chase it with.

"How's it look?" Cameron asked me, turning his head as much as possible to see me.

"It looks like you've had a rough night." I said, digging through my pack and giving him a little more morphine and putting a locale around where the bullet hole is.

"The nurse here is family, her old mans in the club. You're in good hands." Gemma said, glancing at me. This guy dies on my watch I think I'll be dead next.

"I'm gonna do what I can to fix you up Cameron. Just bare with me here, okay." I said. He nodded in response as I tossed Gemma a pair of gloves. She looked at me skeptically, but pulled a pair on.

Jax stood by the door and watched as I took control of the room. I pulled on a pair of the latex gloves as I walked around to join Juice on his side of the table.

"You Irish?" Cameron asked.

"I am actually half Irish on my mothers side and part Scottish as well." I said, grabbing a handful of gauze and handing it to Gemma.

"Where should I put it?" Gemma asked. I smirked and said nothing. She knew exactly where she could put it. "Careful." She sneered.

I'm going to have Juice pull his finger out. I want you to stuff that gauze into the wound, and then I'll close it off with this clamp, okay?" I instructed. I could do this. At least I think I could do this. Somehow I feel like there'd be less pressure if I were working on him in an actual ER. I grabbed the bottle of whiskey sitting on the table and took a swig of it to calm my nerves.

"Sure you know what you're doing?" Gemma challenged me. I could tell she was pissed at me. Jax told me she gave him a hard time about being gone all night and I'm sure she blames me for that.

"Guess we'll find out, won't we?" I shot back at her.

"Ready?" I said, glancing at Juice and then at Gemma. "One two three." Juice pulled his finger out and blood shot up into the air out of the blood. Gemma immediately packed the gauze into the wound and I took a clamp and carefully clamped it off.

"Woah, nice work, Rowan." Juice said, patting my shoulder. "Can I go wash my hands now?" He asked holding up his bloody hand.

I half laughed and nodded. "Yeah, you can. You did really good, Juice. You probably helped save his life." He smiled brightly and nodded before disappearing out of the room with Jax.

"That was very sweet. That guy's not used to good feedback." Gemma said, removing her gloves while I started to try and remove the slug still embedded.

"I'm a little out of my element here." I glanced up at Gemma. "Look, I know that you think I can control Jax, but I don't, okay? He's a grown man who makes his own choices."

"You wanna be his old lady, fine, I think it's great. But you need to understand that the club will always come first. That is his main priority. You keep him focused on that and you and I will get along just fine, darling." Gemma stated looking at me sternly. "For now though, keep the Irishman alive and we'll work the rest out later."

 **A/N: Thank you for all your amazingly kind wonderful reviews!**


	62. Chapter 62: Those Three Words

**Chapter 62**

 **Jax's Point Of View**

I decided to let Rowan do her thing with the Irishman and headed upstairs after talking with Opie to clear my head. He wasn't able to fill me in on everything, but we did know a disgruntled ATF agent tipped off Darby about our gun situation and then Darby tipped off the Mayans. I can only imagine who that disgruntled agent could be. Kohn. Stupid son of a bitch is dead and he's still causing problems for me and my club. I closed my dads now half burned manuscript and slumped down in the leather recliner in my room. I've been letting John's words get inside my head and for what? There just his words and ideas. Plans he wanted to come to fruition but didn't have the balls to make happen. I'd tossed the binder in the flames when I was burning Kohn's body. I was ready to kill my fathers words too, but something stopped me. I'm still trying to figure out what though.

There was a knock at the door. "Jax, Rowan's finished with the Irishmen." Juice said on the other side of the door.

"Alright, I'll be down." I called back.

I got up and hid the manuscript under my mattress and then headed downstairs. The doors to the chapel were open. I saw Chibs and Opie rolling Cameron out of the chapel on the gurney from the ambulance. "We'll take good care of you, brotha." Chibs reassured Cameron. He was passed out on the gurney, drool pooling around his mouth. Poor bastard.

I walked into the chapel and found Rowan packing up all of her medical supplies. "What's the verdict on the Irishmen?" I asked, placing my hand on the small of her back gently. Rowan glanced at me and gave me a weak smile. " I managed to somehow miraculously get the slugs out and stopped the bleeding. If the penicillin does what it's supposed to, he should be fine. He's gonna need a lot of rest and someone to check in on him."

I slid my hand up her back and onto her bare shoulder. She zipped up her medical bag and then looked at me. "You did good, Ro." I cupped her chin and pulled her lips into my own wanting nothing more than to get lost in her.

She pulled back and smiled shyly. "Thanks."

We both turned and leaned against the table beside each other. My mother was talking to a few old ladies at the bar. I glanced at Rowan. She looked so tired and exhausted. "How was she?"

"There was some tension, but we'll work it out." Rowan said, as I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her into my side. "Don't worry about my mother. I'll handle her."

Rowan let out a small chuckle and looked up at me.

"What?" I asked, wondering what she found so amusing.

"I don't think anyone can handle your mother." She laughed again, causing me to smirk and nod my head. "Yeah, she's a real piece of work ain't she."

"I'm gonna go upstairs and get cleaned up. I'm all gross and have blood on me." Rowan said pulling away from me slightly. She scrunched up her nose and looked down at herself. She still looked like a knockout even in running shorts and a tank top. I didn't want to let go of her but I did anyway.

"I'll be up in a few minutes." I told her and watched her disappear around the corner. I also noticed some of the guys from the out of town charters looking her way and it sent my hackles rising. I didn't want anyone to look at her but me because I know exactly what the fuck they're thinking about doing when they look at her. It's the same thing that runs through my mind.

Clay and Deacon and the rest of the guys were shooting the shit with the guys from the other charters that had rode in, so I took the opportunity to grab two beers and head upstairs to check on Rowan.

I walked in my room and shut the door and then made my way into the bathroom. Rowan was washing her hands. She shut the water off and dried her hands on a towel and turned around, flinching slightly when she saw me. "You have to stop sneaking up on me." She breathed out.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, leaning in and kissing her on the lips. "I thought you could use one of these." I handed her the beer in my hand and then took a long pull off my own. She took a sip of hers and sat it on the counter by the sink behind her.

I reached up and tucked some hair behind her ear and felt her turn her face into my hand, seeking out my touch. Her eyes closed and for an instant she seemed almost at peace, happy even. The last twenty four hours have been brutal for her. I wanted to make her feel better, but I couldn't fix her feelings. But I swore I'd try like hell.

"Thank you for helping the club. You don't know how much I appreciate it." I let my hand fall and leaned against the door jam to the bathroom.

"I did it for you. Not the club. Even thought they're pretty much the same thing." She gave me another weak smile. I smirked. "It felt nice to actually be helpful. For once someone didn't die around me." She said, pausing to come to terms with something. Her face fell after that and I watched the tears well in her eyes as she stood before me silently. "Why do people keep dying around me, Jax? Whenever I'm around something terrible happens. Why do all these horrible things keep happening? There's something seriously wrong with me. Two lives have been taken at my hands and I feel like it's just going to keep happening."

"Hey, no, shh…" I pulled her into my chest and felt her bury her face in my shirt. "It's gonna be okay, babe. I know it's shitty, really shitty, right now, but you're going to get through this. We are going to get through this, together. As long as we're together we can make it through anything." I guided her out of the bathroom and sat down beside her on the edge of my bed.

"I need to tell you something." I said, causing her to look at me. "I found out last night before everything that happened with Kohn and I didn't get to tell you, but the guy that you shot at the warehouse that night… He's alive, Rowan."

"What? What are you talking about? I-I-I shot him. He was on the ground. How do you know?" Her eyes were practically bulging out of her head as she gripped my arm. A hopefulness filled her beautiful cerulean eyes. "Apparently you're aim is pretty shitty. You shot him in the stomach. But you didn't kill him."

"How do you know? For sure?" Tears spilled down her cheeks as she covered her mouth. I could see the weight she'd been carrying practically disappear from her shoulders and it made my heart swell. "Opie actually found it out for me. The Mayan just played dead, he ran before we blew the warehouse up."

"You didn't kill anyone, babe. You didn't. You didn't kill that guy and you didn't kill Kohn. Your not responsible." I held her face in my hands as she closed her eyes and sobbed quietly. Our foreheads pressed together and I swallowed the lump in my throat.

Our lips brushed against one another briefly and I felt a tingling sensation spread down my spine. I kissed her again, wanting more of her. Her hand ran up my chest and found the side of my neck. Rowan pulled back slightly and stared at me through blurry eyes before leaning in and kissing me once again. My tongue grazed over her lip and she quickly and happily obliged, granting me access. Slowly, I lied her back on the bed and kisses along her jawline, nipping on her ear as well.

A small moan escaped her lips as she locked her arms around my neck. I bit the pulse point on her neck and felt her hips buck up into my own. I smirked, loving how her body reacted to me. My fingers made there way down over her neck and her shoulder, pulling her tank top strap down along with her bra strap. I placed light butterfly kisses along her shoulder, across her collar bone. Our lips found each other once again. We were like two magnets that moved together. I felt her pushing my cut off and shrugged out of it without even lifting my head away from her.

I felt her hands running up and down my back; finally settling in the back of my hair. My hands roamed up under her tank top, touching the smooth skin of her stomach. I kissed down her neck. Between her breasts and then down her stomach. Leaning back I yanked my shirt off and then pulled her shorts and panties off. I removed my jeans and boxers as quickly as possible needing to be inside her. I needed her to know how much I cared about her and how much I didn't care about what happened with Kohn. I didn't blame her for me having to kill him. I made the choice. I wanted to make her feel better and this was the only way I knew how.

She was immediately reaching out for me and pulling me back on top of her. I helped her out of her tank top and bra and continued to ravage her mouth, making it mine. I wanted to make every inch of her mine. Over and over again. My calloused hand glided down over her firm breast and squeezed it. "Jax." Rowan whimpered, digging her nails into my back.

I kiss down to her breast and took it in my mouth, biting it and swirling my tongue around her peaked nipple. She moaned and dug her nails into my shoulders. "Jax, please. I need you." She whispered. I quieted her by taking her mouth again. I cradled her face in my hand and pulled back to look at her. Our heavy breathing mixed with the noise coming from downstairs were the only sounds to be heard.

She stared at me so lovingly it made my heart ache for her even more. I didn't just fall in love with her, I flew as straight as the crow flies. But I didn't deserve her. She was so good and pure and everything right in the world and I was the complete opposite. Her small hands held onto the sides of my neck and I felt her thumb brush over my jawline. My dick was so hard it was becoming painful, but I couldn't move. "What's wrong? What is it?" She asked, sensing something might be wrong. Her eyes searched mine frantically.

"How can you still look at me like that after you've seen what I've done. What I'm capable of? I mean I'm a monster." The words left my mouth without my consent to do so. I've spent so much time building up walls around myself not wanting to feel anything with anyone and now I can't imagine not feeling this way with her.

She did something I didn't expect her to do; she smiled and shook her head like I was crazy for even thinking that she should see me as a monster. I killed someone in front of her. I am a monster, even if it was to protect her. "Why are you smiling?"

"Because you're an idiot for even thinking that. You are far from being a monster Jackson Teller. You are so many things, Jax. Brave. Kind. Loyal. Protective. But a monster? No. No matter what you do I will always look at you this way and I will never see you as a monster. Never." I kissed her. I kissed her like it was the last time I'd ever kiss her again. Tara never said things like that to me. Wendy and I never really talked at all. She wasn't them. She was exactly what I needed. What my son needed in his life.

I pulled her leg up over my hip and slowly guided myself inside of her to the hilt. Our bodies were flush with one another. Our lips broke apart and I rested my forehead against hers. Her short little breaths hitting me in the cheek. The burning ache to move consumed me, but I tried to stay in control long enough to get the words I needed to say out.

"I love you…" I whispered against her lips.

I looked at her then. "What?" She breathed out, confused and surprised. I felt her tightening around me and mumbled, "Fuck." I looked in her eyes and cradled her face in my hand, gently brushing my thumb across her rosy cheek. She was blushing and it made me smirk.

"You heard me, darling. I said, I love you." I repeated myself, liking how it felt to say those three words to her.

She open and closed her mouth like she was going to say something, but remained speechless, which was odd because she never shuts up. "You don't have to say it back. I just needed you to know."

A stray tear escaped from her eye and ran down her cheek onto my thumb. Shit I made her cry. That's the last thing I wanted to do. "Hey, it's okay. If your not there yet, it's okay." And she smiled again lighting up my entire universe. "Why are you smiling and crying? I'm so confused." I chuckled lightly.

"Because I'm happy. And because I love you too. I fell in love with you the day you tried to fix my car in the diner parking lot, because you ended up fixing me instead."

I kissed her and pulled her as close to me as possible and for the next hour our bodies did all the talking.

We were lying at the top of the bed together. Rowan was lying on her side and I was lying behind her connecting the freckles on her back with my fingers. After a minute she rolled back so she could see my face. "Do you still love me?"

"More and more each second." I glided my finger up and down her arm barely touching her skin.

She smirked and giggled. "You're such a charmer."

"It's a southern thing." She rolled her eyes as I leaned down and kissed her.

"Do you still love me?" I teased, running my thumb along her chin.

"I'll never stop." I was about to kiss her again when there was a knock at the door followed by the prospects voice. "Uh, Jax. They're waiting for you at the table."

"I'll be down in a minute." I hollered back. I kissed Rowan and then sighed, "Stay here, don't put your clothes back on." I climbed out of bed and found my boxers and jeans and pulled them on, feeling Rowans eyes on me. I picked up my shirt and glanced at her to see a smile tugging at her lips as she chewed on her bottom lip.

"You know I'm kinda hungry." She said as I pulled my shirt on. I smirked and crawled onto the bed half way and kissed her again.

"I've got something that'll fill your mouth." I said grinning, cockily. She smacked me in the face with a pillow and I laughed backing away. She laughed and sat up in the bed, holding the sheet up to cover herself.

I shrugged my cut on. "Come downstairs when you get dressed, I'm sure my moms got the other old ladies into cooking something by now. It's a full house down there." She nodded and I couldn't help but go to her and steal one more kiss before heading out of the room. She made it damn near impossible to leave.

 **A/N: Sorry for the long hiatus guys! I've been dealing with more medical issues, yuck. But I'm back and I hope you liked this chapter! What did you think about Jax saying I love you!? And the Mayan not really being dead?! Hopefully you enjoyed it! :)**

 **Also, I started a new story called The Animal In Me for the show Animal Kingdom! Maybe check it out? If ya want toooooo! Okay, bye!**


	63. Chapter 63: You Did Good

**Chapter 63**

 **Jax's Point of View**

I never made a conscious decision to have the club become one thing or another. It just happened before my eyes. Each savage event was a catalyst for the next. And by the time the violence reached epic proportion, I couldn't see it. Blood was every fathers words echoed through my mind. Almost on a constant loop these days it seemed. I hated being torn on the inside. My loyalties to what's right and what's wrong have been tested a lot here lately. I know what the club needs to be and where it needs to go, getting it there is just gonna be a real bitch. Is it even worth it? A small voice in the back of my mind haunts me.

I stubbed out my cigarette in the ashtray on the table in the chapel, waiting for everyone to gather around the table. I saw Rowan in the main room talking to one of Luanne's girls. Rowan smiled and brushed some hair behind her ear. I could t help but smirk at the site of her. She's worth it. She's worth it all. I'd told her I loved her and I meant it, damn, did I mean it. When I guy like me gets a girl like that, it's a beautiful thing. Her eyes caught mine through the open door as the guys filed in and joined me at the table. I relaxed back in my seat and watched a smile pull on her lips. I watched as she pulled her phone out the pocket of my hoodie and type something. My phone vibrated in my pocket causing me to dig it out of my pocket. I had one new text from Rowan.

I love you. –R

I glanced up at her and smirked before replying.

I love you. –J

She smiled, biting on her bottom lip. Clay walked in blocking my view of Rowan and shut the door. I slipped my phone back in my pocket and lit another cigarette, needing something to do with my hands. With everyone gathered in this small room it was more cigarette smoke than it was oxygen.

Clay sat down at the head of the table and glanced around the room. "What happened last night can never happen again. Not just someone trying to off me, but bodies dropping in Charming 'cause of us."

"We had nothing to do with the hit on the Nord's." Tig stated, crossing his arms over his chest. I wanted to say no shit, but kept my mouth shut.

"Mayans went after me and Darby, all right. Different targets, same war. We fire back we can't stop the blowback from hitting home." Clay was right. If this thing jumps off the wrong way, Charming will turn into a blood bath.

"I sat down with Alvarez." Clay said. I looked at Clay dumbfounded as everyone tried to process this new revelation.

"What, just the two of you?" Tig asked, growing skeptical by the second. That or he was just pissed Clay hadn't let him in on this little secret like he does everything else.

"Where did this happen?" I questioned.

"Unser's cage. We we discussed our outstanding issues and made a deal." Everyone shook their heads unable to come to terms with this. We hated the Mayans and they hated us. So the fact that clay just had a sit down with the president of our rival MC was like taking a punch to the gut.

"What kind of deal?" Deacon asked, leaning forward beside Tig and resting his elbows on the table. He closed his eyes and waited for Clay to reply.

"We sell them guns, they settle all their beefs with all of us. Any territory hassles, any business disputes, - it all lands in our favor." Clay said nonchalantly.

"You made that call without a vote?" Piney erupted at the other end of the table.

"I set it up." Clay snapped, his fuse running short. "We vote on it now. If this thing passes, you all sit down with the Mayans in your own territories, you work stuff out." Clay addressed the room. The

"What about Laroy and the Niners? We've had a deal with them for years. That we don't sell to the wetbacks." Juice said beside me.

"Juice, Laroy don't have no loyalty to us. He's been buying from other dealers. He reneged on the AK sale. Ain't no reason at all we can't branch out." I reminded him. Asshole left us with ten AK's to get rid of only a few weeks ago.

"But the peace we make with the Mayans could start something a lot worse with the Niners." Bobby added. He wasn't wrong. Trying to put out one war could start another one in the process. But do we really have a choice?

"We'll deal with that fire when it catches." Clay reassured Bobby.

"You know, these assholes tried to kill you, man." Tig ranted, becoming pissed off. "We're supposed to just pretend that didn't happen?"

"That debt gets settled. But not by us. It's got to be some outside charter." Clay tapped his hand on the table. "You up for it Hap?" He asked, glancing at the other end of the table.

Hap rode in from our Tacoma Charter for this sit down. Guy was a fucking genius at making people disappear. "I'll do this thing. It'll be perfect." He nodded his head.

"Of that I have no doubt." Clay smirked. "Everybody in favor of the Mayan deal." Clay took the vote. Right now it was out smartest move. I raised my hand slightly and slowly the rest of the room did too.

"Anybody opposed?" Clay asked more for formality than anything. Everyone lowered their hands and Clay slapped the gavel down on the table signifying the vote had passed…

 **Rowan's Point of View**

My emotions felt like a hurricane inside of me, swirling and swirling. I hadn't killed anyone. I lied there in Jax's bed for a good ten minutes and cried because I was so thrilled. It felt like a deadly weight had been lifted off of my chest. I wasn't a killer. All of the heartache I've been carrying with me these past few weeks slowly slipped away. The thing with Kohn was still scarring me and leaving its mark, but for a brief moment I felt okay again.

I'd thrown on a pair of grey skinny jeans I'd found of mine on the floor of Jax's dorm room and stole one of his SAMCRO sweatshirts before heading downstairs to forge for food. My stomach was growling something fierce the entire way down into the main room. The immediate smell of burgers filled my nostrils, along with weed. My nose scrunched up at that smell. It was all around me. I ended up eating and talking to one of Luanne's 'employees' named Karlie. She was a pornstar. An actual pornstar and I literally couldn't care less because she was the first girl to actually come up to me and say hello verses threatening me over Jax.

"You and Jax make a real cute couple." Karlie said following my gaze over to where Jax was sitting drinking a beer with the guys, pulling her blonde hair up into a bun.

"Thank you, I really appreciate you saying that." I smiled, still digging into my burger. We were sitting outside on top of a picnic table near the kids play area on the lot. Although the kids have gone home and been tucked in.

"Trust me, I know how some of these girls can turn into real bitches when they're trying to claim a guy. I'm not like that. I like to let people know that about me upfront. If I see someone's happy who am I to fuck that happiness up, you know?" Karlie said, stealing some chips off my plate. She was a tall skinny beautiful blonde that could have any guy in this place.

"Well, I'm not like that either. Are you with anyone though?" I asked, sorta shyly wondering what guy was her old man. I was still learning the lingo around here.

"No man for me, yet. I've got my eye on Juice though. He's really something with that Mohawk." She giggled, like it was ridiculous. I laughed and nodded. "He is quite the character. But he's been a decent friend to me since I've been hanging around. You should ask him out." I encouraged.

"I'm working up the courage." She laughed.

"I could talk to him for you, if you wanted." I offered.

Karlie's eyes lit up like the Fourth of July. She flung her arms around me almost making me drop my paper plate onto the ground. "Would you? Oh, that would be so sweet! Thank you!" She squealed.

"Sure!" I nodded, laughing.

This was the first time I've actually seen this place after dark and honestly even though it was a little overwhelming, I kinda liked it. Bonfires had been lit in metal fifty gallon drums. Music blared over the loudspeakers. Most of the croweaters had found a man or two or I'd even seen three to keep them occupied.

I finished my burger and talking to Karlie. I promised her I would steer Juice in her direction. I could tell Jax and the guys were talking about something private from the way they were all huddled together at the picnic table over by the boxing ring. I crept over cautiously, catching Jax's eye. He smiled at me as he got up to meet me.

"Hey," I said, feeling him slipping his hands onto my hips. "Hey, darling."

He kissed me on the lips lightly, pulling me into his chest more. "I just wanted to let you know I'm gonna head upstairs. I'm exhausted." I said, resting my head on his chest.

His hand glided up my arm and cradled my face causing me to look up at him. "You have no idea what it feels like to be exhausted… But you will." He winked, causing heat to pool in my lower stomach.

He flashed me a cocky grin. I rolled my eyes and laughed. I couldn't believe he loved me or that he said he loved me out loud, but he did and he does. I can see it when he looks at me like this; like I'm the only girl in his world. Trust me, there were a lot of women still clawing for his attention, but right now, right here, he was only looking at me. No doubt thinking about things he shouldn't be thinking about in front of all these people.

"Take me to bed, Teller." I whispered, standing on my tip toes to kiss the corner of his mouth.

"With fucking pleasure." He grinned. Before I knew what was happening he'd leaned down and picked me up and tossed me over his shoulder.

"Jackson!" I squealed as he chuckled, smacking my ass.

He carried me like that into the clubhouse and upstairs. He was about to walk into his room when I spotted Deacon coming out of his room down the hall. He paused and glanced at me dangling over Jax's shoulder then shook his head and approached us.

"Hows it going?" He asked me, I huffed and glanced up at him still dangling over Jax's shoulder.

"It's going good. What's up?" I tried to be nonchalant about it. I could feel Jax chuckling, but making no attempt to put me down. Dick.

"I was hoping we could get together tomorrow and have lunch together."

"Yeah, sure. That sounds great!" Deacon nodded and started to walk away but turned around and said. "Jax, just remember that my room is only three doors down and I sleep with a loaded pistol under my pillow."

"I got that!" Jax heeded his warning. Deacon walked away and Jax set me down on my feet.

Jax shut the door to his room and turned around to face me. I slammed my hand into his shoulder, and he laughed. "What was that for?"

"You could have put me down!" I pointed out, slipping my shoes off.

"Where's the fun in that." He smirked.

I shook my head and went in the bathroom to get ready for bed. I slipped my jeans off and decided just to sleep in Jax's sweatshirt. I brushed my teeth and ran my fingers through my hair since I couldn't find my brush. I came out of the bathroom to find Jax lying shirtless in bed smoking a cigarette.

I tiptoed out of the room tugging the bottom of the sweatshirt down to try and cover my legs a little.

"That's a really good look for you." Jax smiled, making me pause while his eyes skated down over my legs. I involuntarily tightened them.

"You think so?" I asked, shyly. I decided to mess with him a little since he pulled that stunt with me over his shoulder in front of my father.

I walked up on the bed and looked down at him. I jumped a little making him chuckle. He slipped his hand around the back of my calf and I moved so I was standing over him, straddling him. Jax leaned back on his pillow and stared up at me, slowly letting his other hand glide up the back of my other calf. But he didn't stop there, he reached up and pulled my panties down and helped me step out of them. "Jax, what are you doing?" I grinned, knowing exactly what it was he was doing.

"What? They're gonna be in my way." He smirked up at me.

My breathing slowed as I felt his hands at the back of my knees. In one swift motion he'd made me fall to my knees on top of him. I couldn't help but bust out laughing against his chest.

"You're an idiot!" I laughed, as he did too. He cradled my face in his hands and kissed me. I let my hands run up his chest, taking in every curve and muscle along the way.

"But I'm your idiot." He murmured against my lips. I felt his hands on my thighs as we continued to kiss slowly and passionately. His calloused hands crept up under my sweatshirt and rested on my hips.

I felt his erection pressing through his boxers against me and rubbed myself against him without thinking. "What are you doing?" I laughed feeling this already escalating.

"I'm not doing anything!" He lied innocently, pulling my lips into his again.

I held his face in my hands and bit his lip slightly pulling away. "Part of you is doing something." I grinned, glancing down.

"Oh, well," he glanced down at himself, "I really can't control it. Especially when you look like this." He pulled my hips down onto him more and kissed me gently on the lips.

"Is this the only reason you love me?" I asked pulling back with a smirk. Jax's face grew serious all of a sudden. He gripped the side of my neck and let his thumb run along my jawline gently. "This is just one of the many reasons I love you, Ro."

"What else do you love about me?" I couldn't help but ask. Part of me deep down wonders what he sees in me. I'm an emotional wreck 99% of the time, and yet here we are.

"I love that you fell in love with my son the first time you saw him. I love that you like shitty music." He started to say. I smacked his shoulder playfully. "I don't like shitty music! Okay, Florida Georgia Line is not shitty!"

He laughed and kissed me to quiet me. "I love that you like to watch sad movies when you're happy and happy movies when you're sad. I love that you like to eat the most disgusting shit, like pickles and peanut butter. I fell in love with the way you smile. All of the different ones that you have."

"I have different smiles?" I asked, interrupting him again. My heart was pounding wildly against my rib cage like a butterfly trapped in a jar.

"You have a different smile for every emotion. A happy one. A sad one. A tired one. And I love every single one of them and the fact that after all this bad shit that's happened you can still even smile at all. I love that you have this weird determined little look you get when you wanna tell me something, but you don't want me to know."

He brushed some hair behind my ear and I felt a lump forming in my throat. My eyes filled with tears but they didn't spill over. "If you need me to tell you all the things I love about you, or all the reasons I fell in love with you, darling, I can go on and on all night."

I shook my head, and smiled, reaching up to wipe a tear that escaped my eye. "No, no, you did good. Really good. And you're totally getting laid." I whispered half laughing half crying slightly leaning in to kiss him.

Jax smirked against my lips and moved me so I was lying on the bed and he was on top of me. For the first time in a long time it felt like things might just be alright, if only for one night.

 **A/N: So this was sorta a filler chapter, but I hope you enjoyed it! So there's a big reveal coming in the next chapter! Can you guess what it is? :)**

 **Leave a review or two! :)**


	64. Chapter 64: How Far Along Are You?

**Chapter 64**

 **Rowan's Point Of View**

A loud knock on the door interrupted one of the best nights of sleep I've had in what felt like forever. I moaned trying to ignore it. Jax snuggled into me more involuntarily; I could feel him breathing against my neck, making me smirk. His one arm was interlocked with my own in front of me and the other was underneath my pillow. I felt so warm and safe locked in his embrace. Our fingers were intertwined together. I kissed his fingers as someone banged on the door once again.

Clearly Jax was in a deep sleep and was oblivious to the pounding on the door. I turned and looked at him over my shoulder, admiring his calm state. He was so peaceful when he was asleep. Slowly and oh so carefully I detangled myself from his grasp and got out of bed. I slipped on my panties and Jax's sweatshirt then tiptoed to the door.

I opened it to see Opie standing on the other side. "Hey, Ope. What's up?" I asked quietly, kinda hiding behind the door to keep myself covered. I wasn't as comfortable walking around half dressed in front of the guys like some of the other girls.

"Hey, Ro. Sorry to wake you, but Jax and I need to run an errand for the club this morning." Opie said, running the back of his neck.

I nodded my head. "Okay, I'll wake him up and send him down to you." I smiled and Opie nodded, "Thanks. He's got time, we're waiting on Bobby to get back."

"Alright, he'll be down." Ope nodded and walked away as I closed the door.

I crept back over to the bed and kneeled beside Jax. Placing my hand on his side, I leaned down and kissed his bare shoulder tenderly. Jax stirred slightly and rolled onto his back but didn't wake up. I hated having to wake him up. Why couldn't they just let him sleep? In an attempt to be flirtatious, something I completely suck at, I pulled the covers back and moved so I was straddling him.

I planted kisses up his chest slowly, swirling my tongue around his nipple as I went. My hand ran up his sternum and settled at the nape of his neck as I kissed his lips gently. As I continued to attempt to kiss him awake, I felt a portion of him come to life and couldn't help but stifle a giggle.

Jax moaned lightly as his eyes fluttered open. He looked adorably delirious until a lazy cocky grin formed on his face. His hands slide up my thighs. "Good morning." I smiled, letting my tongue graze across his lip, he opened his mouth and we continued our slow languid dance.

"It definitely is a good mornin,'" he said. He slipped his hand around so it rested on my back and pulled me tighter against his chest. I could feel his erection hitting me where I ached for him the most and decided I was successful at waking him up.

He looked up at me like I was crazy for stopping. I kissed his forehead and nose and then his lips one final time. "Opie knocked on the door. He's waiting downstairs for you. He said you guys had to run an errand for the club."

"Shit," Jax muttered, glancing over at the clock on the nightstand. "Dammit, I overslept." He groggily sat up, still keeping his arm around me.

I rested my chin on his shoulder as he tried to wake himself up. "I should get dressed." He said. I knew he had to go, but I wasn't ready for him to leave me just yet. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. "Will you just hold me for another minute."

Without a word he locked his arms around my waist and leaned his head against my ear. "I'll give you two." He whispered, kissing my ear. He rubbed his hand up and down my back soothingly.

I pulled back to look at him and he cradled my face with one hand. He stared at me, concerned. "You okay?" He asked. I nodded my head and pressed my lips against his, gently touching his chin. The hairs from his beard tickled my fingers.

"I won't be gone long, I promise." He tucked some hair behind my ear. "I was thinking we should probably get your stuff moved in to my place today. If you're up for it?" He arched an eyebrow at me.

A wave of nausea hit me thinking about going back to that house. Back to where Kohn had last been. I froze as images from the the other night flashed in my mind. Jax sensed what was happening because he cupped my chin and said, "It's okay, darling. He can't hurt you."

"I know." I whispered, nodding my head. He was right. I had nothing to be afraid of anymore. Kohn was gone. "You're right. It's fine. I'm fine. Actually, I think I should do it by myself." I insisted.

"You sure?" Jax asked skeptically, now holding my hands in front of us. His was making the pattern of a heart with his finger on the top of my hand. I liked the way it felt when he did that.

"Yeah, I need to do it." I replied, more sternly. I don't know who I was trying to convince more, him or me. "It's not going to be a lot. Maybe five or ten boxes. All the furniture is… it belongs with the house." I made a mental note to call Lena and have her drop off some boxes for me.

"Okay, well when I get back I'll take you over on the bike and then come back with the truck when your done packing." Jax said. I crawled off of him so he could get up and get dressed which he did.

I lied back down feeling sick to my stomach. Moving in with Jax felt so right. I've basically been living with him for weeks now as it is. I was glad that we were making it final now. Jax pulled his cut on and then put on a zip up hoodie. He put a beanie on his head and walked over and sat down on the bed beside me.

"Where are you going," I asked, glancing at the clock. It was 6 o'clock in the morning. What kind of club business had to be done this early in the morning? My stomach twisted itself in small knots.

Jax sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Are you sure you really wanna know all of this shit?" That's when I realized this must not be something good.

"I don't want you to hide anything from me." I sat up and looked him dead in the eye. I could handle whatever it was. I've been handling this. I know that being with Jax is going to be complicated and it's not always going to be sunshine and unicorns.

Jax lowered his eyes and let out a breath. "We've got to take out the port commissioner as favor to Cameron Hayes. The guy hurt a friend close to the club a few days ago."

"I'm guessing take out, doesn't mean, dinner and a movie." I replied, playing with the collar of Jax's cut. He shook his head. I didn't like it, but deep down a part of me understood. As twisted as it was. "I'm beginning to understand this world more and more. We spill blood just to clean it up and spill it again."

Jax scoffed, agreeing with me, but he looked at me with a somewhat broken expression. I knew what he was thinking. I could see the wall he was building up brick by brick and if I wanted him to let my stay inside I needed to knock it down with a wrecking ball before it went all the way up. No matter what he did, or had to do, I would always love him. And I think he needed to know that. I couldn't imagine how lonely he must have felt when he was with Tara and even Wendy, not being able to talk to anyone outside of the club about this stuff. The toll that must take on someone's soul…

I scooted closer towards him and held his face in my hands. "You do what you have to do. I'll be here." I kissed him tenderly on the lips. "I love you."

"I don't deserve you." He whispered back, taking my hands and covering them with his own. "I love you too." He placed a kiss on my forehead and got up and left to go find Opie.

- **SOA** -

After Jax left I took a long hot shower and got dressed in the same clothes I wore yesterday. All of my other clothes here were dirty. Plus, his sweatshirt smelled like him and it made me feel calmer to wear it. I stole one of Jax's black beanies and pulled it on my head as I walked downstairs. My hair was a mess. I'd need to go to a hairdresser and get it shaped up, or not. I don't really care. As long as it's not long, I'm happy with it.

I walked into the main room and paused staring at the site before me. Most of the guys were still passed out from last night. Some on the floor, some on the couches. Some were even lying on the pool tables passed out. Then there was croweaters half naked lying about. Beer and liquor bottles were scattered on every flat surface including the floor.

"Wow…" I muttered, slowly stepping over Juice lying face down on the floor.

I walked into the kitchen behind the bar in search of coffee. "Good morning!" Gemma's cheerful voice startled me, causing me to knock a coffee cup into the sink. I whirled around and let out a breath. "Jesus." I mumbled under my breath. That woman could appear out of thin air.

"Good morning." I finally chirped, regaining my composure. I wondered how long I'd jump at the slightest sound or unexpected touch.

"Thanks for saving the Irishman. He'd be dead if it wasn't for you." Gemma said as I poured myself a cup of coffee. The faint smell of cooked eggs sent another wave of nausea through me. I scrunched up my nose and laid a hand on my stomach to try and help calm it.

"You're welcome." I replied, trying not to barf. What the hell was going on with me? I turned around to face Gemma and noticed her starring at me intently as she sat on her stool smoking her cigarette.

Between the mixture of the egg smell and her cigarette smoke I was walking a fine line. I sipped my coffee, hoping the warm liquid would help.

"Can I ask you a question?" Gemma flicked her ashes into the trash can beside her.

I nodded. This should be good. "Shoot."

"I'm just trying to figure out what's going on. You and Jax are obviously moving in a very serious direction. You're clearly not one of them." She gestured towards the croweaters in the other room.

I scoffed into my coffee cup. "I'm glad that's clear."

Gemma exhaled a puff of smoke and it was the last thing my poor vulnerable stomach could handle. I whirled around and say my cup down on the counter and hurled into the kitchen sink. The contents of my stomach coming up with each heave.

I felt a hand on my back and my hair being pulled out of my face. Once I was sure I was done, I straightened up and looked at Gemma. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me." I told her as she handed me a paper towel for my mouth.

She stood before me and studied me. Her hand was propped on her hip. "How far along are you?" She blurted out, catching me off guard.

"Excuse me?" I half laughed, not quite following. I tossed my paper towel into the trash can.

"I knew there's been something different about you these past few weeks. Your appetite has been nonexistent in the office. I've heard the water running in Jax's room almost every morning you've been here. And your jugs have went up a cup size, and I know you didn't get a new set of tits. You're pregnant, sweetheart."

Gemma's assumption hit me like a ton of bricks. I can't be pregnant. Can I? It would explain how I've been feeling lately. The nausea, not being hungry, the weird food cravings when I am hungry. It was like suddenly a puzzle clicked together in my mind.

I glanced down at my boobs and noticed they were slightly bigger. They were actually really sensitive too because I told Jax they were sore last night when we were having sex.

No. No. No. "I'm on the pill. I'm not pregnant." I reassured her, not wanting to believe what was blatantly obvious. Wait. When was my last period? I haven't had one…

"When did you start taking the pill?" Gemma asked, as I moved to sit down on the stool by the trash can.

"A little less than a month ago." I replied quietly. I felt like I was in shock. I could have a tiny human inside of me right now.

"Darling, those pills take about a good month to get into your system. Jax been using a condom every time?" Gemma asked bluntly.

I was to stunned by the possibility of being pregnant to care she was asking such personal questions. Condoms. Jax. Babies. I shook my head, "We did, but he stopped when I told him I was on the pill."

Placing a hand over my mouth I stared down at my stomach. A lump formed in my throat as tears built in my eyes. I was happy and scared at the same time. I could be a mom? Jax and I could have baby together. Does he even want more kids? And so soon? He hasn't even brought Abel home!

"Why don't we take a trip to the drugstore." Gemma suggested, rubbing my shoulder gently. I glanced up at her and nodded. I needed to know for sure and the only way to do that was to take a test.

 **A/N: Ta da! I hope you enjoyed the reveal! I thought it would be neat to have Gemma be the one to figure it out first! We all know she watches everyone like a hawk! Lol. .**


	65. Chapter 65: Two Pink Lines

**Chapter 65**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

"How's it going in there?" Gemma called from the other side of the bathroom door. After we went to the drugstore and I picked up a few tests, and by few, I mean three, we went back to her house so I could take them.

"Uh, yeah… It's… I'm fine… I'll be out in a few minutes." I called back, hoping that would satisfy her and make her go back into the kitchen. I had to practically keep her from following me into the bathroom.

I'd downed an orange Gatorade and took the first test. Now I was just waiting for the results. I sat Indian style on the bathroom rug with the test in front of me alongside my phone. The directions for the pregnancy test said it could take up to two minutes for the results to come in. My knee wouldn't stop bouncing. I lowered my face into my hands and took a few steadying deep breaths.

I'm twenty one years old; I eat ramen noodles every night for dinner for weeks sometimes and I suck at doing laundry. My car is a piece of shit, not safe for a baby to travel in that's for sure. I can't be pregnant. Can I? I don't know if I want to be pregnant. I have my entire life ahead of me… Can I even be a mother? Then there's Jax, the other half of this equation. We just said 'I love you' and are moving in together. Now I'm just going to drop this huge bomb on him? Will he be happy? Scared? Pissed off? He already has a son. A son he hasn't even got to bring home from the hospital for that matter. Will he even want another one? Oh my god. What if he thinks I'm trying to trap him into a relationship?

My emotions were fighting for dominance within my own body and it was killing me.

I wiped the tears off my cheeks as the alarm on my phone went off, indicating that the time was up. I closed my eyes and picked up the pee stick and held it in front of me. Taking a deep breath I opened my eyes and looked down. One blue line meant I was not pregnant, while two pink lines indicated that I was pregnant, according to the directions in the box.

This tiny plastic test was about to possibly change my entire future, Jax's as well, again.

Two pink lines stared back at me.

I waited for one of those lines to fade but it never did. I debated taking the other two tests but knew they would undoubtedly yield the same result.

I let out a shaky breath. "I'm pregnant."

I stood up and sat the test down on the counter by the sink and wiped the stream of tears coming from my eyes. Suddenly not feeling so scared. I was pregnant. This was happening. I placed a hand over my stomach realizing that right now, a tiny little human is growing inside of me. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that Jax wouldn't be a good father to Abel. I knew he would be. I could see it every time he looked at him. I loved Jax. So much. More than I thought I could ever possibly love someone. I'd fallen in love with Abel the moment I saw him.

I loved our baby too.

"Alright, that's it, I'm coming in!" I heard Gemma grumbling from the other side of the door and then the door opened and then she paused in the doorway. "Well?" She tossed her hands in the air waiting for my response. .

I turned around to face her, then glanced back at the test on the counter. My eyes flicked back up to meet hers. "The test was positive… I'm pregnant… Looks like you're going to be a grandma, again." I mustered up a weak smile.

Gemma's face didn't change at all which worried me a little. She leaned against the doorframe and crossed her arms over her chest. She pursed her lips, thinking over her next set of words carefully. "Now the question is, do you want to be pregnant?"

I thought about what she asked for a moment, weighing my options. I mean I do have options. There's adoption. So many women who want a baby can't have one. And then there's abortion. I don't know if I could go through with that.

Just five minutes ago I would've said no, that I wasn't ready to be a mom, but as soon as I saw those two little pink lines, everything changed. I changed. I may not have wanted to be pregnant but I was. Placing a hand over my stomach, I squeezed ever so slightly, and I imagined not having this baby, only I couldn't imagine it. This was our baby, and even if for some reason Jax didn't want it, I did.

"I do. I want this baby." I told her confidently, looking her dead in the eye.

Gemma considered this briefly, before her lips curled into a smile. She stepped towards me and for a moment I didn't know what to expect, but Gemma leaned in and hugged me. Hesitantly I wrapped my arms around her. "Congratulations, baby." She whispered into my ear.

I always thought my mom would be here for this. She'd be the one comforting me, guiding me, telling me it would all be okay. "Now, what are you going to do?" Gemma asked, stepping back and holding me at arms length.

I shook my head, not knowing how I was going to tell Jax. "I honestly don't know."

"Honey," she started, putting an arm around me as we walked out of the bathroom back into the kitchen. "I suggest you tell him sooner rather than later. But for now, why don't you go get some rest. Lay down in Jax's room. I'll make some tea and bring it up in a bit."

"Thank you, Gemma." I said, grateful that she was excited and honestly surprised she was being so nice to me.

I made my way up to Jax's room and just laid on the bed staring at the ceiling. How the hell am I supposed to tell Jax? When do I even tell Jax? I threw my arms over my eyes and told myself to just relax. It'll be okay. Jax loves me and I love him, so he'll be happy. Right? Within a few minutes I found myself curled up with one of Jax's pillows dozing off.

I felt something lightly touching my lips and tiny zings of pleasure radiating through my chest. I moaned absentmindedly rolling onto my back, feeling a warmth against me. My eyes opened at the same time Jax leaned down to kiss me. I smiled into his kiss and happily returned it. "Hey, darling."

I wiped the sleep from my eyes and groggily stared back at him trying to remember where the hell I was. The small twin bed I was lying in and the amount of Harley posters on the wall told me I was still in Jax's old bedroom."Hey, what are you doing here?" I was surprised to see him. Happily surprised though. Did Gemma call him? Oh god. Did she tell him? My stomach clenched as he laid his hand over it gently, his thumb moving up and down over my sweatshirt.

"I've been calling you all morning. I saw you leave the lot this morning with my mom before I left with Ope and Bobby. I got worried when you didn't answer, so I called her and she said you were here." He smiled and brushed some hair behind my ear and then held my cheek in his hand. He flicked his thumb down over my nose and I scrunched it up smiling.

I sat up on my elbow slightly and looked around the room, my eyes falling on the clock on the nightstand. It was two o clock in the afternoon. I've been asleep for hours. What the hell happened? Did Gemma drug me? I pulled my cell out of my hoodie pocket and checked it to find that it was dead.

"I'm sorry. My phone is dead. I can't believe I fell asleep." I laid back down and looked up at him. Shit. I was supposed to have lunch with Deacon today!

"It's okay, babe." Jax smirked. "How'd you end up here though."

My brain froze as I frantically tried to come up with an excuse. I wasn't ready to tell Jax I was pregnant. I was still processing it myself. I just needed a little time before I broke the news to him. "I told your mom that I was moving in with you and that I needed boxes and she said she had some. So we came here to pick them up and I started to feel bad and laid down. And apparently slept for a millennium."

Jax nodded, believing me. "I've got the truck if you wanna head over to your place now?"

"Yeah, we can do that." Jax leaned down and pressed his lips against my own, sending my stomach into a fluttering frenzy. He pulled back slightly and smiled, as I placed my hand on his cheek. I turned into him more and felt his hand on my hip, pulling me closer.

"I feel like I'm in high school again; making out with a girl in my bedroom." Jax chuckled then kissed me again. Images of Jax and Tara flooded my mind and I felt nauseated.

"How many girls have you made out with in this room, on this bed?" I asked, arching a brow.

"Doesn't matter. You're the only one that counts." He pressed his forehead against my own. I smiled against his lips. "Right answer, Teller."

Jax kissed all along my jawline and slowly moved down to my neck, tugging at my sweatshirt so he could get better access. "We should get going." I giggled, feeling the hairs from his beard tickling my neck. His hand slid down my shoulder, arm and stomach until it found the hem of my sweatshirt.

"You're not gonna let me have any fun are you?" He asked, smirking.

I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth and shook my head. "Nope."

Jax sighed and rolled off of me and got to his feet. He limped as he turned around to offer me a hand up. "How's you're leg feeling?" I stood in front of him eyeing his bad leg. "Have you been changing the bandages on it?"

"I changed it once. I'm fine." He draped his arm over my shoulder as we walked down the hallway towards the stairs. "Jax! You have to change the dressing everyday! It'll get infected." I scolded him. "I'll change it when we get back to my place." I leaned up and kissed the corner of his mouth and felt him pull my into his side more.

"You playing nurse to me… I don't know whether to be turned on or frightened." Jax chuckled. I smacked him in the stomach and laughed as we reached the front door. "You're so mean!"

"You kids heading out?" Gemma asked, walking towards us from the kitchen.

"Yeah, ma. Were gonna go get Rowan packed up and moved into the house while I got the time." Jax replied. Gemma looked at us both surprised. Shit. I told Jax she already knew. That's why I was here. Getting boxes.

Gemma looked at me pointedly and I gave her a slight head shake indicating that I didn't tell Jax I was pregnant. "Yeah, don't forget to get those boxes out of the garage before you go." Gemma said before leaning in and giving her son a kiss on the cheek. She gave me a hug as Jax headed towards the garage. "You need to tell him, and soon."

- **SOA** -

Jax and I walked through the door of my house and stood in the living room. The last time I was here was the night of the attack. It felt eerie and cold. I slipped my hands into my hoodie pocket and walked into the living room further. Jax set some boxes down behind me. My eyes fell to the coffee table that I had hit my head on when Kohn grabbed me. Involuntarily I touched the scab on the back of my head. My chest felt right and my throat felt like a rock had been wedged into it.

I tip toed down the hallway and stood in front of my bedroom doorway. There was a large faded blood stain on the carpet by my bed where Kohn had been shot. It looked like Jax had tried to clean it up from the way it was faded. Images from the night flooded my memory. My heart pounded in my chest as I squeezed my eyes shut. It's over. Kohn's gone. For good. He's not coming back. I tried to force my foot through the door, but found myself unmoving.

A hand on my shoulder startled me and I flinched. "Why don't you let me pack up in here." Jax offered, giving me a small smile. My eyes zeroed back in on the blood stain in the carpet. "We need to do something about the stain."

"I tried to get up, but it's in there. Anyone that comes in will think it's a wine stain." Yeah, if only. That gave me an idea.

I made my way into the kitchen and rifled through the cabinets until I found an old bottle of my moms favorite red wine. I uncorked it and walked back into my bedroom.

"What are you doing?" Jax asked, giving me a curious look. I poured the wine over the blood stain, emptying the entire bottle onto the carpet.

"Now it really is a wine stain." I said. I sat the empty bottle of wine on the nightstand as Jax made his way towards me.

"I got this in here, babe." He placed his hand on my hip.

"I can do it." I said, wanting nothing more than to run as far away as possible from this house of horrors.

"I know, but you don't have to." Our eyes met and he reached up and cradled my cheek in his hand. I kissed his wrist and nodded my head. "I'll go do my moms room."

Jax let me go and I walked out into the hallway, but stopped and looked over my shoulder to see him start placing my things inside the boxes he'd sat on my bed. He was still protecting me. "I love you." I whispered to him from the hall and he looked up at me as a tear slid down my cheek.

"I love you." There was nothing but raw honesty and sincerity in his voice and it filled my chest with warmth. If absentmindedly placed a hand over my stomach as I smiled at him before walking down the hall.

After grabbing a box from the living room I headed into my mothers room and placed the box on her bed. It was weird to be packing up her things so soon, but I had to do it at some point anyway. I walked around the room slowly touching her things, picking them up one by one like they were delicate items, because they were to me. The room smelled like her. The entire time I packed her things tears streamed down my face. At least now I knew why I was being such an emotional idiot. Apparently having a baby makes you cry even more over everything.

- **SOA** -

It took a few hours but Jax and I managed to pack everything up and get it loaded and unloaded at his house. All of the furniture was Kohn's so we only had about twelve boxes to lug around. Jax's living room was packed. I was unpacking my moms old records and placing them on the bookshelf in the living room by the fireplace when Jax walked in in nothing but his boxers, drying his hair with a towel; he'd just gotten out of the shower.

"Did you still wanna take a look at my leg?" He asked, sitting down on the couch with the first aide kit.

I nodded and made my way over to him and knelt down in front of him. I examined his cut and could see that the skin was mending nicely. He'd have a scar, but it would be small. My fingers delicately applied some antibiotic ointment to the wound and then I rewrapped it in a light layer of gauze so it could breath. The entire time I could feel Jax's eyes on me, causing goosebumps to run up my arms.

I leaned down and placed a kiss over the stab wound still feeling horrible he got hurt because of me in the first place. Jax's leg stiffened and glanced up thinking maybe I'd hurt him, but I found his eyes closed and his jaw clenched shut. Then it dawned on me, he was turned on right now. His eyes flicked open and found mine. The blue of his eyes seemed almost darker somehow. A smirk tugged at his lips. "You know we've christened every other room in this house, but this one. The bedroom, the kitchen, the shower multiple times, but never the living room. I think it's only fitting since you're living here now."

"Is that so?" I smiled, biting my lip glancing down at his ever growing hard on.

My hand slid up his thigh gently while I placed small kisses up the other one. "Jesus." He leaned back on the couch and I felt his fingers playing with my hair. I glanced up at him to see his eyes closed and his breathing was slow. I bit my lip as my eyes landed on the smattering of dark blonde hair around his navel that led downward. I knew what I wanted to do, but had zero experience doing it. I wanted to repay him for everything he's done for me. The way he takes care of me in every way.

I fumbled with the buttons on his boxers and I cursed under my breath. "Hey," Jax cupped my chin gently, "you don't have to do that."

"But you like that, don't you." I asked quietly. I'd overheard Ima at the club saying how much Jax liked that. Of course she had to say it around me just to be a fucking bitch. So I didn't know if it was true or not.

"I do like that, but I don't want you to feel like you have to do that, because you don't." He told me. I was starting to feel like he didn't want me to do that for him, maybe he had someone else who did that for him. This was the second time I've attempted this and he's stopped me. "C'mere." He pulled me up onto his lap so I was straddling him.

He tucked some hair behind my ear. "I just want to make you feel as good as you've made me feel, but I've never done that… And I'm starting to think maybe you don't want me to. Like maybe you have someone else to take care of you that way." I leaned back away from him slightly.

"No, babe." He shook his head and slipped his hand around the nape of my neck and pulled my lips into his. "I don't have anyone else, for anything. You're all I want. I guess I just think you're better than that. The girls at the club do that kinda shit and I don't see you as one of them. I'll take care of you anyway you need me too, but I don't ever want you to get on those knees unless you absolutely want to."

Maybe a part of me wasn't ready to do that and he knew it. Maybe I was only interested in giving him a blow job because I knew Ima had done it and it infuriated me to no end. I smiled into his lips again as I kissed him, absolutely amazed by him yet again. Our mouths fused together as our kiss became hot and heavy. His hands grazed up my sides as mine roamed over his bare chest. He opened his mouth and let me explore his at my own pace. Tell him. Tell him. Tell him. Flashed like a neon sign in my brain as I pulled back for him to help me out of my sweatshirt.

Jax stared at me in my pink lacy bra and I felt his erection hitting me where I wanted him more than at thing. His eyes grazed over every inch of my chest; it was like he was mesmerized by my breasts. I laughed slightly and said, "What are you staring at?"

"Nothing," he chuckled and leaned forward to kiss me, wrapping his arms around my back pulling me into his chest, my breasts pressed against his chest and I winced because my boobs were still sore. He glanced down at my boobs again and smirked before placing a kiss over each one.

A shiver courses through my body. "Are you wearing a push up bra?" He laughed, as he leaned back into the couch pulling me with him. "No, why." I laughed, kissing him again. Jax pulled back causing me to do the same. We were both panting and out of breath.

"Because these," he reached up and grabbed one of my breasts in his hand and massaged it gently, sending pleasure straight to my core. "Look bigger." My thighs clenched around his legs. I was on the verge of coming undone. Everything inside me felt electrically charged and overly sensitive.

"Shut up! They are not bigger!" I laughed, leaning in to kiss him. His hand ventured up across my collar bone until it found my bra strap on my shoulder. He gently slipped it off one side and then the other, letting my bra sag in the front.

His hands worked my body over kneading the skin as his lips caressed every inch of me. "Trust me these are definitely bigger." He whispered against my ear while he unhooked my bra and tossed it onto the floor. I couldn't tell him it was because I'm pregnant. I wanted to tell him, but the words wouldn't leave my mouth.

Jax maneuvered me so I was lying beneath him on the couch and sucked and nipped all along my neck, scraping his teeth over my pulse point. My toes curled as my back arched up into him. His soft lips kissed down my chest slowly until they reached my stomach. Jax nipped at my hip bone as I moaned, threading my fingers through his damp hair. His lips kissed my stomach so tenderly. If only he knew what was growing inside…


	66. Chapter 66: Congratulations

**Chapter 66**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

"Thanks for lunch, Deacon!" I chirped, watching him open the garage door to his gym. The Navy Street symbol on the door disappeared as he slid it up. "I'm really sorry I bailed on you the other day. I got busy and just lost track of time."

"No worries." Deacon said, tossing me a warm genuine smile over his shoulder. "I can only imagine how tiring it must have been to move in with Jax."

Dammit, how did he already know? "Right! About that, I meant to tell you about that, even though it's not like I need your permission or anything." Deacon nodded his head as I followed him inside the gym.

"Yeah..." Deacon hesitated, "I haven't seen you smile much since your mom passed unless your with Jax, so I'm…I'm glad that you're happy and that you'll be safer living with him verses living alone now." Deacon replied as he showed me around the gym.

It wasn't a secret that Deacon wasn't very comfortable with Jax and I being in a relationship, but he was trying to be okay with it and that made me smile in return.

I noticed the place looked different since the last time I was here; gone was the ratty black floor mats and in their place sat brand new red ones. There were new punching bags along the far wall and the boxing rings looked completely different. They were no longer rings, but had been turned into cages.

"Wow! You've been busy. The place looks great!" I opened up one of the gates leading into the new cage and bounced on the loaded spring floors like a five year old. Abel would have a blast jumping on this thing when he got bigger, and so would the baby too…

I sighed, placing a hand over my stomach. It's been three days since I found out about being pregnant and I still haven't found a way to tell Jax and it's killing me. Every time it's on the tip of my tongue something happens and I either clam up or his phone rings and he has to leave. I'm starting to take it as a sign. No it's not a sign. It's me being a little chicken shit. It's not that I'm even nervous to tell him either, it's just finding the right time. The right moment to do it. Maybe there isn't a right time to do it.

Deacon had offered to take me to lunch today so we could spend some time together and he wanted to show me the work he's been doing here at Navy Street.

"The place is coming along slowly but surely. I actually wanted to talk to you about an idea I had percolating." Deacon said, joining me in the cage. He slipped his hands in his faded jean pockets and stared at me. A smirk tugged at his lips.

"Percolating?" I laughed. It was such an odd word to hear coming out of his mouth.

"What? This old biker knows how to use big words now." He laughed back at me.

I nodded, grinning. "Sure it's not just a vocab word off one of those word of the day calendars?" I laughed again as he gave me the finger.

"So what is this idea you have?" I asked, arching an eyebrow at him.

"Well, I'd really like to get this place up and running soon and I'd like you to help me run it." Deacon said taking me by surprise. "I'd like you to help oversee the rest of the renovations and manage the place once it's up and running."

I was speechless for the second time this week. The first being when I saw those two pink lines. I glanced around the old gym as I thought through this. I knew nothing about running a gym; I barely even went to the gym in general. Eventually I'd like to get myself back in school and finish taking my exams to become an RN, but I can't even think about that right now with everything going on.

Running this place would be a good distraction though. It would also give me the opportunity to spend more time with my father. I've been trying like hell to let him all the way in and for the most part I have and I think this is his way of letting me in.

Deacon stared at me with a patient look on his face.

Slipping my hands into the back of my jeans pocket I said, "What the hell. I'm in." I smiled.

"Alright then." Deacon smiled back at me.

We walked through the gym and shot ideas back and forth about renovations for the place. I suggested putting an office in just inside the entrance doors to the gym with windows that let you overlook the expanse of the gym since it was such a wide-open space.

"What do you say?" Deacon held up a pair of boxing gloves. "Wanna go a round with your old man?" He grinned at me.

I was about to say hell yeah, and then remembered I'm pregnant. The last time we went at it it got pretty aggressive. I placed a hand on my stomach without thinking and shook my head. "I can't today, I have to head back to TM and then head up to the cabin with Gemma and check out the Irishman." I said quickly, trying to avoid the subject.

Although, telling Deacon he's going to be a grandpa would be a good practice run for when I tell Jax.

"Alright then, next time. You okay?" He asked, concern lining his voice, walking towards me.

I let out a breath and said, "Actually there's something I should tell you."

"Okay, what's going on, kiddo." Deacon asked, crossing his arms over his chest in front of me.

"Well, I'm pregnant." I blurted out quickly and without thinking too much about it. Placing a hand over my stomach for courage I looked my father right in the eye and swore he was going to pass out.

His eyebrows rose as he looked down at my hand on my abdomen and then back up at my face. I mustered up a weak smile then chewed on my bottom lip until I tasted blood trying to gauge his reaction. From the look on his face this could either go two ways. Option A, he's happy he's going to be a grandpa. Option B, he's plotting Jax's murder and where he's gong to hide the body. I'm praying it's not the latter option.

"What does Jax think about it?" He asked finally, with an unreadable expression on his face.

"I haven't told him yet." I said slowly, looking at my feet. "And you can't tell him either! It has to come from me! So please don't say anything!" I begged, frantically.

"Oh. I won't say a word." He said, rubbing his chin. "Are you worried he won't be happy about it?"

"No." I replied confidently. "I just haven't found the right time to tell him or the right way. I mean Abel isn't even home yet."

"Hmm." He grumbled, still looking unreadable. He propped his hands on his hips and stared at the ground briefly before looking up and meeting my gaze.

"Well, kiddo. I guess congratulations are in order." He said. His face softened slightly and he walked over and gave me a hug; wrapping his arms around me. I hugged him back and rested my chin on his shoulder.

He smiled as he pulled back and held me at arms length. "How do you feel about all this?" He asked, searching my face for an honest answer. I could tell he was worried for me. "I'm happy about this." I replied, unable to hide the smile forming on my face. "It's gonna be hard, but I want this and I want it with Jax and Abel."

"That's all that matters." Deacon said, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me into his side. We started to make our way back outside to his truck. "So do you prefer grandpa or gramps?" I looked up at my dad and laughed. For the first time it felt sorta okay to call him my dad…

 **Jax's Point of View**

The garage was quiet this afternoon. Which is kinda how I liked it. Me and Opie were the only ones working this afternoon, trying to catch up on some of our projects we've been neglecting. We were in the middle of restoring a bike for one of Clays old buddy's. Opie and I were working on the engine together today, trying to get it one step closer to being complete.

"So how's it going playing house with Rowan?" Opie smirked across the top of the bike at me. Asshole lived to give me a hard time about this shit.

I sat my wrench down after I finished fastening a bolt and flipped him the finger. "We're not playing. It's going good. I love having her at home. She seems to be content there and that's all that matters to me. We've been living together for weeks anyway, we just made it official that's all."

"I'm just busting your balls, man." He grinned. "I'm happy for you guys. I ain't seen you look at a girl the way you look at Rowan since…well…never. You're doing a hell of a lot better on that front than I am." Opie sighed and rested his elbows on the seat of the bike. I went back to work on the bolts.

"Things between you and Donna still ain't good?" I asked, glancing up at him. I knew they were having some money issues here recently, but from the look on Opie's face I'm starting to sense that there might be more to this. "When's she getting back from her dads place?"

"This morning actually." Opie replied, running a hand down the side of his face. "Shits just been going downhill for us since I got out." I nodded, understanding his situation. It wasn't easy for Donna and the kids when Opie got sent to Chino.

"Give it time, man. You and Donna been together since high school. It'll work out like it's supposed to." I walked around and joined him on the other side of the bike and finished tightening more bolts. I glanced up to see Deacon and Rowan getting out of his truck.

"You haven't said much to me since Oakland." Opie said in a lower voice. This time I sighed. That went about as well as I expected it to go the other day. I knew Opie wasn't ready to jump back into that aspect of the club. Killing someone isn't easy. Although it's sorta felt like second nature here lately for me.

"Don't got much to say, I guess." I said, watching Rowan walking towards us across the lot. The slight breeze blew her hair around lightly and she reached up and ran her hand through it.

"You were right. I wasn't ready." Opie admitted.

"It's done, bro. Don't worry about it. You doing all right with all that?" I questioned, fixing the seat mount on the bike.

"I'm just a bit out of practice dealing with that shit, you know?" Opie said.

"It's about something bigger, man: club, family." Johns words continued to echo in my mind even though I haven't picked up his manuscript in a few days.

"That got you past it?" Opie asked, just as Rowan walked into the garage.

"Hey boys." She beamed, as I turned to face her. I held out my grease covered hand for her to take, which she did without hesitation and pulled her into my chest tightly. She wrapped her arms around me and I rested my head on her chin and looked at Opie. "Yeah, man. She did." Was all I said and he understood.

Opie turned his attention back to the bike while I turned my attention to Rowan. I kissed the crown of her head before she pulled back. "How was lunch?"

"It was good! We just went to the diner. I brought you guys two tuna on wheat." She reached into her grey purse and pulled out two sandwiches. "Don't worry I went in the back and made them! So they are edible…mostly."

"I'm really liking the perks of you two dating." Opie said accepting his sandwich with a grin. Rowan laughed. "You're welcome!" She handed me mine and I sat it on the tool bench, completely in the mood for nothing but her.

"You didn't have to do that." I brushed some hair behind her ear and relished the little smile she gave me in return.

"I wanted to do it." She said, playing with the buttons on my work shirt. She stepped closer into me and I couldn't help but lean down and steal a kiss from her. Her lips were soft and tasted like what I can only imagine heaven would taste like. She was the closest to heaven a sinner like me would ever get.

She's been busy unpacking and helping my mom get the house in order for when Abel comes home that I feel like we haven't had much time together lately.

"Get a room!" Opie said with a mouthful of food.

I slipped my hand around Rowans waist and pulled her into me and flipped Opie the finger with my free hand as I continued to kiss her. Opie laughed and Rowan pulled back laughing. Her face had turned a light shade of pink. I was learning she was still getting used to PDA.

"You heading up to the cabin with mom?" I asked, feeling my fingers touching the bare skin peaking out from beneath her blue sweater on her hip. A warm tingle flowed up my arm. "Yeah, is she in the clubhouse?" Rowan asked.

I nodded. "She was talking to Clay I think."

"Okay, well I'm gonna let her know I'm here so we can get going. Are you coming home early tonight?" Rowan chirped readjusting the strap to her purse on her shoulder. She gazed up at me with those blue eyes and my heart just imploded on itself.

"I should be, yeah. Why?" She stepped back and placed a hand over her stomach and smiled at me. "I just need to talk to you about something. It's not anything bad, at least I don't think it's bad."

I chuckled at her rambling. "Okay."

"Okay." She smiled shaking her head. She turned on her heel to head out of the garage, but I grabbed her hand. "You forgot something." She turned and looked at me over her shoulder, confused momentarily.

I shot her a cocky smirk and pulled her back into my chest in one swift movement. She laughed as our lips crashed into each other seamlessly. Her hands cradled the sides of my face gently. "You know if the whole outlaw biker thing doesn't work out for you, I'm really digging this whole mechanic look."

I saw a hint of mischievousness gleaming in her eye and arched my eyebrow. "Oh yeah? The whole grease monkey look does it for you, huh?" I pulled her tighter against me, letting her feel just how much I wanted her already in this short amount of time.

"It definitely does it for me." She said then kissed the side of my cheek and leaned into my ear and whispered, "Don't bother showering when you get home."

"As you wish, darling." She smirked as she pulled away from me even though I didn't want to let her go.

 **A/N: Thank you all for all the wonderful reviews! I'm sorry updates have been so sporadic as of late! Rowan will tell Jax about being pregnant soon! I've got a plan for it! It all ties into the last three episodes of the first season! I'm coming to the end of season one and would like to know if you guys are still interested in seeing Jax and Rowan move into season two?**

 **Let me know in the reviews! Lots of love! -Jenn**


	67. Chapter 67: I'm Pregnant

**Chapter 67**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

The drive up to the cabin with Gemma was a quiet one. Other than her asking if I'd told Jax about the pregnancy. I was telling him tonight, one way or another. It had to be done. I couldn't keep this from him anymore. The weight of it was making my chest feel heavy. Everyone seemed generally happy about this baby. I just hope Jax shared their enthusiasm. I still remember what he told me that day he took my for a ride on his bike for the first time. He said that Abel wasn't planned and that he was actually pissed at Wendy for being pregnant. He said he hated her for it. Clearly that was because he wasn't ready to have a child with her. They weren't in love. There marriage wasn't going to survive.

I love Jax. He loves me. But I can't help but think in the back of my mind, will he hate me too? Will he think I tried to trap him into a relationship? Will he react the same way?

I sure as hell hope not. I don't know if my heart can take that.

"Your wounds are actually healing quite nicely, Cameron." I said as I changed the bandages on the Irishman's gunshot wounds. He was lying on his stomach on the couch so I could look over his injury. "There's no redness or swelling. I think it's safe to say the antibiotics are taking care of any kind of infection."

"That's good to hear, kid." He said. I stood up and told him he could pull his pants up the rest of the way. Cameron got dressed and then sat down at the table in the dining room. Today's the first day he's been up and walking around according to Gemma. She's been up here everyday to check on him.

Gemma was on the front porch talking to whom I assumed was Clay on the phone. I could see her pacing through the tattered screen door. She looked worried, which in turn made me worried. Something must have happened…

I removed the latex gloves from my hands and tossed them into the trash can I had sitting by the couch. I noticed the Irishman pick up a bible of the dining table and leaf through the pages. "I didn't peg you for the religious type."

"I missed a few Sunday's. I'm trying to catch up a bit." He smirked, holding the book in his hand.

"Are you Catholic?" I asked. My curiosity was getting the better of me, again.

"I'm whatever I need to be, love." He grinned. I nodded my head.

"Do you believe in God?" He asked, eyeing me.

My mom and I were never really religious. She used to say we were CEO's. Meaning we only went to church on Christmas and Easter only. Although, I do believe I was baptized when I was younger because my grandmother wanted it done. Personally, I didn't believe in a Heavenly Father. God. If there were someone up there watching over us, people wouldn't get sick and die of cancer and other incurable diseases. I guess if there's a God up there somewhere I'm not really on good terms with the guy.

But, then for my moms sake I hope there is something else out there. I hope she's in heaven, smiling and at peace.

"Not really, no. I don't know, maybe." I answered honestly, packing up my medical supplies.

Cameron stared at me inquisitively. "What do you believe happens when we die then? Where do you suppose we go?" Part of me wondered why he was asking me these questions. But then I realized he's been trapped up here alone in this cabin since he got shot. He probably just wanted to have a conversation with someone.

"I like to imagine we go to our own personal heaven or hell. When we die we don't all go to a specific place together, we go to what our souls deem as heaven, I guess. Each person has their own heaven tailored to them and the things that make them happy are there, along with their loved ones." I smiled weakly, feeling my chest constrict thinking of my mother.

"That's a unique outlook you have." Cameron said, giving me a small smile in return.

The screen door slammed shut behind Gemma as she walked back inside. She sighed. I could tell by the way her face was contorted into a frown that something wasn't right. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"Unser just informed Clay that that ATF bitch is back in town circling like a goddamn vulture." Gemma sat down at the dining table across from the Irishman. "He's gonna have Happy come down and smuggle you out up North. You just gotta stay put until then." She told him.

He nodded his head and muttered, "Jesus Christ."

My phone buzzed in my back pocket causing me to pull it out. I had one new text message from Jax. I slid my thumb across the screen to read it.

Hey, babe. I was gonna go see the kid, wondered if you wanna meet me there in a bit? – J

Of course! You know I would never pass up an opportunity to see Abel…and you! –R

I love you! I'll see you in a bit then. –J

I love you too! See you soon! –R

I smiled to myself as I slipped my phone back in my pocket. I sat down on the edge of the couch and tried to reorganize my medical pack a little bit to get the damn thing to zipper shut.

"Do you believe in God, Gemma?" Cameron asked her. I glanced up at her, curious to hear her response. She reached across the table and picked up the Rosary lying there and let the beads slide through her fingers.

"I believe in family." She replied confidently.

"You think that's enough?" Cameron questioned, arching an eyebrow at him.

Gemma looked at the man skeptically. "Who are you kidding? Sitting here ticking off Hail Mary's." It was a little odd that he was so infatuated with the bible and God, given his chosen career path. "You think that gives you some kind of heavenly pass? God's gonna open the pearly gates when those next two bullets catch you in the head?"

"It's all a little absurd, I guess. Truth is, I know I'm going to hell. The praying just makes my time here a little less miserable. A few Acts of Contrition could make you feel good, too, love." Cameron said.

"There's only one way these beads could make me feel good love. And it involves a whole different act." Gemma smirked, still holding the beads in her hands.

I gagged a little internally. "I so did not need to hear that!"

- **SOA** -

Once we made it back to Charming I had Gemma drop me off at St. Thomas so I could meet Jax. He texted me and said he got held up but he was on his way. Since Jax put me on the list I was able to go in an see him before Jax got here. I smiled at Abel as he lied in his hospital crib, even though it wasn't much of a crib. "Hey there, little man." I placed my finger near his teeny tiny little hand. He stared up at me wide eyed and alert as his fingers latched onto my one index finger.

I placed my free hand on my stomach and glanced down at it, then back to Abel. He cooed lightly and wiggled around. I couldn't get over how absolutely perfect he was, from his head down to his little toes. "You have your daddy's eyes." I smiled down at him as I wiggled my finger with his hand wrapped around it. "Yes you do."

"How do you feel about having a little brother or sister, huh? Is that something you'd want? It'd be nice to have you on my side you know?" Abel gazed up at me without a clue as to what I was saying, but I didn't care. I readjusted his pale blue beanie Gemma had put on him with the SAMCRO insignia on it. He looked so goddamn adorable with it on.

The door to the room opened and I looked up expecting to see Jax, but was surprised when I saw a woman in a black pantsuit staring back at me. "Can I help you?"

The woman gave me a smile that creeped me out. "You're Rowan Collins, correct?" She asked. I nodded. "I'm Agent Stahl. ATF." She said, flashing me her badge on her hip.

Why the hell is this bitch here? What does she want with me? I crossed my arms over my chest as I walk around Abel's crib to meet her.

"If it's alright I'd like to ask you a few questions?" She brushed some of her blonde hair behind her ear, never taking her eyes off of me.

I nodded. "I suppose."

"You see I've been trying to wrap my brain around your involvement with SAMCRO. But then I did some research and found out that your father is a member of the club. One of the founders actually!" Stahl said. "And you're dating Jax Teller. My, my, like mother like daughter."

I clenched my fist when she mentioned my mother. "Excuse me?" I said through gritted teeth.

"I'm just saying the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. It's a real shame though about your mother. You have my sympathy." Stahl's face lacked any emotion. "I just don't understand why you'd throw away your very promising medical career for SAMCRO. You graduated high school top of your class. Your well on your way to becoming an RN. Even went and got yourself an internship at Boston Med. Its quite impressive actually"

Abel was stirring behind me. "Yeah, I know. I was there and lived through those episodes of my life, I didn't really need the whole 'previously on' recap, but thanks!" I smirked sarcastically. What is this bitches end game here? She obviously thinks I know something about Jax and the club.

Stahl grinned, clamping her hands together. "Your mother is dead and gone, but yet you're still here at Saint Redneck's getting dirty with the bad boy of Charming. How does that happen?"

"Why don't you just get to the point of this little charade already and tell me why you're here." I said, glaring at her. She was grilling me. If she thought I was going to say anything about Jax or my father or their club, she was delusional. Abel started to cry lightly behind me so I walked back over to his side and tried to soothe him. "Could you make it quick, I think he's allergic to bitch." I smirked up her. She stood so straight I swore she a had a literal stick up her ass.

It scared me though that she knew so much about me. What else does she know about me that she's not saying? Does she know about Kohn? She couldn't possibly, could she?

"Fair enough. Do you know of any illegal activity that Jax Teller or the Sons of Anarchy are involved in?" Stahl asked outright.

"No, I don't." I replied sternly, never breaking eye contact with her.

"That was easy. Listen, if you do think of something or you see something that just doesn't feel right, would you please give me a call?" She handed me one of her cards and I took it. "Thank you for your time." She glared at me.

Before she turned to leave I decided to grill her a little. "What exactly is it you're hoping to find? I'm Just wondering what digging up dirt on a girlfriend gets you."

Stahl smiled. It made my stomach turn. "Is that what Kohn liked? Your inquisitive nature? Understand that he never got off the plane in Chicago." My insides twisted in on themselves at her words. "He's MIA. Threw away his career for love. I just hope you're not doing the same."

She knew.

How did she know?

She didn't know shit.

She's bluffing.

Isn't she?

I stood there speechless and watched as she walked out of the room.

There's no way she knows what happened to Kohn. It's impossible. Abel settled down as I begin pacing the floor of his room. My throat felt dry and burned. I must have paced back and forth twenty times before the door opened again and in walked Jax.

"Was ATF here? I just passed that Stahl bitch in the hallway." He asked, walking towards me.

"Yeah she was just in here giving me the third degree! She wanted to know if I knew of any illegal activity you or SAMCRO were involved in. She knew things about me, Jax! About us!" I panicked a little. He placed his hands on my hips and looked down at me while I freaked out. "She mentioned Kohn! She knows he didn't get off the plane in Chicago!"

"Hey, hey, calm down." He held my face in his hands. "It's okay. Look, they've got nothing on SAMCRO so they're harassing people close to us. It's all smoke!" He reassured me. I wasn't so sure though… "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

He leaned down and pressed his lips against my own, instantly relaxing me. I clutched onto his shirt as he pulled back and looked at me. "You didn't say anything, did you?"

I shook my head. "No. Of course not! I would never do that! I couldn't do that to you or my dad."

Jax arched an eyebrow. "Dad? Your calling him dad now?"

I shrugged slightly. "Eh, I was just trying it out. It's weird though." Jax smirked.

"She mentioned Kohn, Jax. Said he was MIA. What if she knows what happened?" I whispered, looking up at him desperately.

He shook his head. I felt his thumb running back and forth along my jawline and shuddered. "Kohn was a wanted man. He didn't show up in Chicago 'cause he doesn't want to go to jail. Probably halfway around the world by now."

I scoffed at the irony of what he said. "Yeah, halfway."

"This will never blow back on you. That's a promise. I won't let that fucker do anymore to you than he already has. I won't let you get hurt." Jax pulled me into his chest and rested his chin on my head. I breathed in his scent and held onto him for dear life. His hand cradled the back of my head; his fingers were tangled in my hair.

He placed a kiss to the top of my head. "What if it blows back on you?" My voice betrayed me and cracked slightly.

Jax tilted my hand back so I was looking at him. "Then I'll take the fall." He meant it too. He would do time for me in the blink of an eye. He would protect me at all costs. It made my heart psychically ache for him.

I squeezed my eyes shut to keep myself from crying and buried my face in his shirt and cut. "I love you." I whispered.

"I love you." He whispered into my hair.

- **SOA** -

As I pull the pan of lasagna out of the oven and sit it on the counter I hear Jax's bike pull into the driveway. I peel the aluminum foil off the top of the lasagna to let it cool quicker, because I'm starving. I've been craving lasagna all day. One of the wonderful perks of being pregnant. I pull some plates out of the cabinet as Jax walks through the door.

This is it. No matter what I'm telling him, right here, right now.

"Jesus, that's smells fucking incredible." He says wrapping his arms around my waist from behind me. I feel his lips touch my ear and smile. "I don't think I've ever smelled anything this good come out of this kitchen before." He leaned against the counter next to me and smirks.

"I had a craving and figured you just might want some too. I think I made to much though." I laughed, looking down at the oversized pan of lasagna.

I swatted Jax's hand away as he tried to pick at the cheese oozing off the sides of the pan. He smirked and leaned in to place a kiss on my cheek. I decided to let the food cool more before cutting it and turned around and watched Jax get a beer out of the fridge.

"So how was everything at the club?" I asked, trying to figure out how to say 'I'm pregnant' to him.

"That fucking ATF bitch is grasping for straws. She's got nothing on us so she's trying to dig up old shit on the club. She arrested Luanne and Cherry this morning and she's trying to use RICO against us now." Jax said, shaking his head. His jaw was clenched even as he took a swig of his beer. He looked tired and stressed out.

"What's RICO? And what does it have to do with Cherry and Luanne?" I asked, a bit confused.

"Luanne is married to Otto. He's a member of the club doing time in Stockton. Stahl thinks she can use Luanne as leverage or some shit to get Otto to rat. He'll never do it. I guess she's doing the same with Cherry. She wanted to do the same with you too."

Jax walked over to me and sat his beer down on the counter behind me, then placed his hands on my hips. "You know I'd never say anything." He pressed his forehead against mine. I ran my hands up his chest slowly, feeling every muscle beneath his shirt. Our noses brushed against each other.

"I know." He says against my lips. He pulls back away from me when his phone goes off.

"Jax, I have to tell you something." I start to say as he's digging his phone out of his pocket. He glances at the name on the phone and holds his finger up. "Hold that thought."

He walks away from me. "Yeah, I'll be holding it for nine months." I mutter under my breath.

A few minutes later he walks back into the kitchen. "I'm sorry, but I gotta head back to the club for a bit." He just came home. "I promise I won't be long." He kisses me on the cheek and tucks some hair behind my ear.

"Jax, I really have to tell you something!" I plead, following him to the front door.

"When I get back you'll have my undivided attention. I promise." He reassures me before opening the front door.

I've been trying to find the right time to do this. But there isn't a right time. There isn't a right way to do it either. I'm annoyed that he just got home and now he has to leave, again.

I watch as the door all but closes behind him and yell, "I'm pregnant." The door latches. For a moment I truly believe he didn't hear me and any second I'll hear his bike rumble to life and he'll leave. But that never happens.

Slowly the front door opens and he walks back inside. His eyes lock on mine. "Did you just say you're pregnant?"

I muster up a weak smile and take a few tentative steps toward him. I can't gauge his reaction yet and that terrifies me. He looks purely shocked at the moment. "Surprise…" I place a hand on my stomach.

Jax still has his hand on the doorknob. He shakes his head. "That's not… You're not… You can't be. You're on the pill. I use a condom. You can't be pregnant."

"I took a test. I'm definitely pregnant. I'm on the pill, yes, but I just started taking it a little less than a month ago, and you haven't been using a condom since then." I point out.

He lets his hand fall off the doorknob and leans against it for support, but says nothing. I can practically see the gears in his head turning, but he still says nothing. Why isn't he saying anything?

"Jax, please say something." I feel tears beginning to well in my eyes as he takes a step toward me.

"How do I know it's even mine?" He asks and I literally feel my heart breaking inside my chest…

 **TO BE CONTINUED…**


	68. Chapter 68: If It Were Any Other Girl

**Chapter 68**

 **Jax's Point of View**

Pregnant. The word is echoing on a loop in my head. When I closed the door I wasn't sure what I'd heard her say. I swore it was 'I'm pregnant' but couldn't be sure. The moment I walked back into the house and locked eyes with her I knew what she said had been exactly what I heard. I'm gonna be a father, again. I already have one kid I'm probably going to fuck up and now another one? It's to much to soon, isn't it? We aren't ready for a kid, are we?

Rowan stood in front of me momentarily speechless, kinda like I was at the moment. The words left my mouth before I could even comprehend what I was saying to her. Dammit. Did I really just accuse her of sleeping with someone else? Yeah you dickwad, you did. Fuck. I opened and closed my mouth twice to say something, anything, but could tell from the look she was giving me no matter what I said I'd still be in the dog house after this.

Those were the exact words I'd said to Wendy when she told me she was pregnant. Wendy and I never really tried to stay faithful to each other, ever. So back then I didn't truly know whether the kid was mine or not, but now. Fuck, I know deep down in my soul this kid is mine.

Rowan took a few steps towards me, her fists balled at her sides. "Are you fucking kidding me? How can you even ask me something like that?!" She was so angry at me her entire body was trembling. I didn't blame her. But right now my pride wouldn't let me apologize to her. I couldn't and I hated myself for that.

"It's a valid question!" I shot back at her.

"No, it's not! I've never done anything to make you mistrust me! You're the first guy I've ever had sex with and the only guy I've ever had sex with and up until a few minutes ago you're the only one I've ever wanted to have sex with. Now, not so much!" She yelled at me. I was a little shocked that she was actually raising her voice back at me. Her words stung me deep down to my core. She's right and I know it, but I'm to damn worked up now to even care.

I had no reason to question the paternity of this baby, but yet I did. Because I'm a jackass.

She let me take her virginity. Actually, she gave me her virginity for Christ sake. God, the night we had sex for the first time is and will forever be embedded into my memory.

I'm the only guy that's been inside her and I know it. I love her even more for the simple fact that she gave that part of herself to me and only me. That part of her is mine.

Rowan shook her head as tears streamed down her face.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

I hated seeing her cry. I hated that I'd been the one to make her cry too. She's cried enough in the last few weeks for an eternity. Loosing her mom. The Kohn thing. "You're an asshole you know that? Just when I think you're not a complete son of a bitch, and I mean that literally, you fool me again!"

Clay was waiting for me to go to the precinct and get a message to Luanne about ATF trying to use RICO on us to pass on to Otto tomorrow since they're letting her see him according to our attorney Rosen. I had to go deal with that shit before I ran out of time. Tig and Piney were setting up a distraction for Unser's on duty officers. I thought this wasn't going down for a few more hours, which is why I came home to spend some time with Rowan for a bit. I figured we'd eat something and then if I was lucky, I'd get lucky.

Not...a baby.

"I gotta go." I mumbled, getting ready to turn for the door.

"Go ahead, Jax. But I won't be here when you get back!" Rowan spat at me. She covered her face with her hands as an indescribable sound came out of her mouth and then stormed off down the hallway into the bedroom, slamming it shut behind her. I think the fucking windows rattled she slammed it so hard.

What the fuck does she mean, she won't be here? The thought of her not being here made me panic even more than the thought of her being pregnant. Where is she gonna go? This is her home now.

She's become my home.

I walked down the hallway and opened the bedroom door to see a bag on the bed already and Rowan packing her clothes and shit inside of it. It felt like someone was stomping on my heart with a boot. The weight I felt was unbearable. My mind was racing as she continued to stuff her things inside the bag.

"What are you doing?" I asked, walking inside. I scoffed watching her pack. The adrenaline was coursing through me the moment I realized she wasn't bluffing. She was really gonna leave. "Just stop. You don't have to go anywhere. I'm leaving!" Her quiet sobs and sniffles were the only response that I got back. "Rowan! Stop it! You're not going anywhere!" I grabbed the clothes she'd packed and yanked them back out of the bag and placed them on the bed.

I was being a dick, she didn't need to leave. I'd stay at the clubhouse if she didn't want me here. She shot daggers at me as she grabbed her clothes and jammed them back into her bag once again.

She was zipping her bag shut when I grabbed her wrist gently to get her attention. She refused to look at me but said, "Get the hell off of me." She tried to pull her wrist out of my grasp, but failed, and instead I pulled her into my chest. "Get off of me!" Her little palms slammed into my chest, shoving me back slightly. In all reality she felt like a goddamn gnat hitting me.

If I don't fix this I'm gonna lose her.

"I'm…I don't know… I don't want you to go anywhere." I pleaded with her as she pulled away from me instantly. I was holding her at arms length. She looked up and glared at me through tears. "Well the prince doesn't always get what he wants!"

She pushed past me and stormed off down the hallway. I chased after her and grabbed her elbow just as she opened the front door. "Rowan, I didn't mean what I said!" She yanked her arm out of my grasp and whirled around to face me. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her nose was running. "Oh trust me when I say this, it's yours!" She yelled, before walking out the door. I stood there frozen in the hallway because my entire world just walked out the door and it was my own damn fault.

I heard her start her Mustang and saw the headlights flood through the windows for a few moments before they disappeared as she pulled out of the driveway onto the street. In one quick swift movement without thinking I slammed my fist through the drywall by the front door, putting a hole in the wall. Pain radiated through my knuckles and wrist as I pulled it out of the hole. I glanced down at my knuckles and saw blood as I walked out the front door.

- **SOA** -

Me, Opie and Unser were sitting in a van parked outside of Charming PD. We were waiting for Unser's officers to get called off to the bar Tig and Piney were at. Those assholes were supposed to cause a distraction. I wish they would hurry the fuck up so I can get this over with. I've called Rowan three times and texted her about twenty trying to get her to respond to me. I have no idea where she went and it's worrying me to death.

"We shoulda brought some donuts or something." Under croaked out from the passenger seat beside me. I glared over at me. Is he fucking serious? Opie chuckled from behind me.

My knee wouldn't quit bouncing as I tapped my phone onto the steering wheel. I don't even know why I got so worked up when she told me she was pregnant. I mean it's a good thing. It's unexpected, but good. It scares the shit out of me even more than when Wendy told me she was pregnant with Abel. I don't even know why. I guess because I can actually see a future for me and Rowan; it scares me because I love her enough to want all those things with her, a baby, a house, hell marriage even. I never wanted any of that with Wendy or even Tara really. But I do with her. But the voice in the back of my mind keeps telling me that I'll fuck it up.

And I just did.

"Dude! Would you fucking quit tapping your knee. It's annoying as shit." Opie said, leaning between the seats to look at me. I stopped bouncing my knee and glanced over at him. "What the fucks got you so worked up? You've been quiet and torqued up since we left the clubhouse."

I shook my head and checked my cell to see that I still didn't have a text message from Rowan. It was starting to piss me off. "Rowans pregnant." I said quieter than I thought.

"Well, I'll be. Congratulations, Jax." Unser grinned.

Opie looked surprised for a brief second and then a smirked pulled at his lips. "Congratulations, man." He slapped my shoulder. "Your fluids must be fucking potent, man." He chuckled, but stopped when he realized I wasn't laughing along with him.

"What happened?" Ope asked.

"I fucked up." I groaned. "I overreacted and said shit that I shouldn't have said to Rowan. She got pissed at me and left the house with a bag."

"What'd you say to her?"

"I said how do I know it's even mine." I winced at the words even saying them now.

Opie punched me in the arm. Hard. I whipped around in my seat and gave him a what the fuck was that for look. "You're a dumbass! You really think that chicks fooling around on you?"

"No!" I growled back. "I know, I fucked up!"

"I don't know Rowan as well as you do, man, but I do know one thing. She fucking worships you, okay? She's a good girl, Jax. Anytime you get backed into a corner you swing first and I don't think you need to be that way with this one. She ain't Wendy and she ain't Tara, man."

"I know she's not." I replied turning back around in my seat.

We all sat in silence for another fifteen minutes. I decided to text Rowan one last time.

I know you're pissed at me, but can you please tell me where you're staying the night so I know you're safe? – J

A few minutes passed and my phone vibrated with a reply.

With Lena. –R

Well, least I know she's okay and where I'm going once we finish here. I shoved my cell back into my pocket. "And that's our cue." Unser said. Four officers jogged out of the front of the building and took off in their cars. I guess Piney and Tig did their job. "Dispatcher's in a separate office.

She won't hear us. We can get to the cells through the back."

I glanced around into the back at Opie. His head wasn't in this tonight. Hell, I don't even know if mines in it tonight. He's got so much shit going on at home himself. "Stay here.

Call if anyone shows up."

"I thought you wanted me?" He protested. "Just keep your eyes open, dude." Unser and I got out of the car and headed to the back of the building. I followed his lead until we reached the cells. He sighed as he handed over his set of keys to me so I could get the rest of the way into the back where they were holding Luanne and Cherry.

I unlocked the last gate seeing Luanne in her cell alongside the prospects chick. I held my finger up motioning for them to remain quiet. "Holy shit. What are you doing here?" Luanne whispered, as I made my way to her.

I rested my hands on the bars. "We think the feds are pressing Otto."

"Something's going on. They're letting me see him tomorrow." She said. Rosen was right.

"They're trying to use RICO act against the club. You got to tell Otto he can't give them any info, all right? Nothing, no matter how small or old." I stressed to her. Luanne and Otto have been together for as long as I can fucking remember. Sometimes I wonder if Otto has more loyalty to Luanne than he does the goddamn club.

" right? I'll tell him." She nodded. I patted her hand before moving on to Cherry's cell."What are they asking you?"

"You got to take me with you, man, please. I can't. That bitch wants to send me back to Nevada. I'm gonna do hard time like a hundred goddamn years. I can't do that. Your mom's right. I'll rat if I stay in here. I'll rat! Come on. Please.

Please, take me with you!" She begged me, grabbing my sweatshirt sleeve through the bars. Jesus Christ. I could tell from the desperate look on this chicks face she'd rat in a heartbeat to save her own ass. This wasn't part of the plan, but it had to be done.

"All right. Shut up. Come on." I commanded as I unlocked her cell. Luanne knew what she had to do, so I wasn't worried on her front.

I lead Cherry out of the back towards Unser who was standing watch. Old bastard says he lives and breathes the law, but he looks like he's actually enjoying himself tonight.

As soon as his eyes landed on Cherry they about bugged out of his head. "Where the hell you going with her?" He hissed, shaking his head.

"We got to take this one with us."

"You're breaking her out?" He said, incredulously.

"Put her in the van. I'm gonna check your office, see what I can find." I said.

"Come on, little girl, before something else bites me in the ass." Unser muttered behind me.

I made my way towards Unser's office, but stopped short when I realized the door was open up ahead. As I crept closer I could hear someone moaning or whimpering, I couldn't tell which.

"Oh god! Yes, right there, baby." I approached the door and peeked through the crack to see Agent Stahl sitting at her desk with her head in her hands. Holy shit. She panted and leaned her head back as Captain America himself crawled out from under her skirt. He's got to be the stupidest son of a bitch on earth to be fucking that.

"Now it's my turn." Stahl said, standing up and shoving her tongue down his throat.

I backed away from the door not even hiding the smirk on my face. Unbelievable.

- **SOA** -

After explaining everything to Clay about what happened tonight and telling the prospect to get Cherry up to the cabin I left the clubhouse to go try and talk to Rowan. It was already half past midnight. I couldn't care less though. I needed to see her and try and work this out.

Her being pregnant is unexpected, but I love her. Would I have wanted to wait a while before having a child with her? Yes. Is two kids going to be a nightmare? Probably. Would I want to walk away from Rowan and this baby? Never. I need to tell her this tonight. This is what I should have said in the first place.

If she even wants to keep the baby. We never even got to talk about any of that because I blew up. She might not even want this baby. She's so goddamn smart and has her whole life ahead of her, maybe she doesn't want to fully settle down with two kids yet.

Once Juice told me where Lena lived I headed straight there. Rowan's Mustang sat in the driveway. I knocked on the door and waited and waited and waited. I knocked again and waited some more. Finally the door flew open.

"Jax." Lena acknowledged me. She pursed her lips and blocked the door as I tried to see if Rowan was in the living room. She wasn't.

"I need to talk to her." I pleaded, placing my hand on the doorframe.

"She doesn't want to talk to you right now, and honestly I can't blame her! So why don't you just scurry on back to the club!" Lena grimaced, attempting to close the door. I placed my palm on it to stop her. "Wait! Please. I just need to see her for a few minutes. Please. Rowan, I know you're in there. I know you can hear me!" I hollered over Lena's shoulder.

Rowan didn't appear and she didn't say anything back I return. This was killing me. It was taking everything in me not to push the door open and walk in and go to her. But I had to respect that she was pissed. But we also needed to talk about this.

"Obviously she doesn't want to talk to you right now!" Lena chirped, reaching out and removing my hand from her front door. I stepped back and sighed, running a hand down my face.

"I'm not leaving until I talk to her." I told her sternly.

"Well then you better get comfortable." Lena smirked and then she slammed the door in my face.

If this were any other girl I'd be walking away and saying screw it. If this were any other girl I wouldn't be lying on the hood of her car attempting to wait her out. If this were any other girl I wouldn't still be lying on that car even when it starts to rain. If this were any other girl I'd be giving up.

But it's not just any other girl.

And I'm not giving up.

 **A/N: Ahhhhhh! So I take it you guys liked that lil curveball I through you in that last chapter! Lol. THANK YOU for all of your reviews! You have no idea how much I love them!**

 **This fight between Jax and Rowan isn't going to pass so easily and it will have a major impact on these last few chapters of season one! BUT this also isn't the only fight left for the season! Mwhahahaha!**

 **Oh! I wanted to let you know that I've decided to continue this story and take Rowan and Jax's journey into season two of SOA! Woot! It's all because of you guys! So keep being your wonderful selves and I'll keep writing as much as I can!**


	69. Chapter 69: We're Pregnant

**Chapter 69**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

 **One Hour Ago**

I knocked on Lena's front door and waited for her to answer it holding back the tears. How could Jax possibly think this baby belonged to anyone but him? Is he insane? I'm not like the girls at the club, I don't sleep with anyone who has a dick. I've never been that girl and will never be that girl and he fucking knows that. So why would he even accuse me of something like that. The voice inside my head is telling me he said because he's scared, but I'm scared too.

Lena swung open the door and smiled at me, surprised to see me. "Hey! What's up? Were we supposed to hang out tonight?" I was trying to hold it together, but failed to do so. The tears slid down my cheeks. "Oh buddy! What happened? Are you okay?" She stepped out onto the porch and pulled me into a hug, rubbing her hand up and down my back.

Sobs racked through my body as I buried my face in my best friends shoulder. "I'm pregnant."

Lena pulled back to look me in the face and wiped some tears of my cheeks. "What? You're pregnant? Like with a baby?" Her brown eyes bulged out of her head a lot like Jax's had. I knew with her though I wouldn't have to worry about a reaction or judgement. Lena would always have my back and would always be on my side no matter what. She was the sister I never knew I always wanted.

"No, with a walrus! Yes, a baby!" I half laughed through the tears at her dumb statement. Her look of concern turned into a smile as tears welled in her own eyes. "We're having a baby!" She smiled, hugging me again, which only made me cry harder. Why couldn't Jax have reacted this way?

"It's gonna be okay." Lena said, guiding me inside and into the living room. We sat down on her sofa next to each other. Lena grabbed the box of tissues off the coffee table and handed them to me so I could clean myself up a bit. She wrapped her arm around me as I tucked my knees up under my chin.

"Have you told Jax?" She pried gently.

I nodded, wiping my eyes. "Yeah, I did. He freaked out. He said, how do I even know it's mine! Like I'm sleeping with someone else? He pretty much called me a slut and I am the least slutty person I know!"

Lena shook her head in disbelief. "You are not a slut! If anyone is a slut, it's me." She laughed, trying to make me feel better. "I'm so sorry he reacted that way! I'm sure he didn't mean it though. I mean he's probably just as scared as you are right now, Ro." She rubbed my shoulder soothingly.

"I'm scared too! All I want is him right now to tell me he loves me and this will all be okay, but I can't even talk to him right now I'm so pissed off." I told her. I could still feel the anger bubbling underneath my skin.

Lena jumped up off the couch and spun around to face me. "You know what we need? Vodka." She clapped, with a grin on her face. I pointed to my stomach and her grin faded. "Okay! I'll have vodka and you can have tea! I think I have herbal tea! That's healthy and warm." She nodded at herself before headed towards the kitchen.

I appreciated her trying to make me feel better. I sunk into the sofa and dazed at the tv. Chicago Fire was playing. Lena and I watched this show religiously every week together. It was a rerun tonight. I couldn't focus on it though.

"So where is Jax right now?" Lena asked, from the kitchen down the hallway.

"He had to be somewhere for club business." I called back, my throat sore from crying. My eyes stung and I felt nauseated. Lena walked back in the living room carrying a mug of tea in one hand and a bottle of Smirnoff in the other, with a glass hooked on her finger.

"So what did you do? Just like walk out?" She asked, handing me my tea. She sat her drink down on the coffee table and disappeared back into the kitchen for a moment. When she reappeared she was carrying a bowl of Chicago Style popcorn. She sat it down on the table and poured herself a drink.

"Pretty much." I sipped my tea, feeling the warm liquid go all the way down to my stomach. My phone buzzed in my pocket, causing me to dig it out. Jax's picture lit up the screen; he was calling. I tapped ignore and sat it down on the couch beside me.

"So I'm just gonna ask, do you wanna keep the baby? Or what?" Lena sipped her drink and looked at me expectantly. My eyes drifted down to my stomach. I'd made my mind up the moment I saw those two little pink lines on the test. "I'm keeping it." I smiled weakly, glancing back up at her.

Lena smiled. "You're gonna make a great mom." I nodded, hoping she was right. Jax called again and I ignored him again. This was all so childish. But I'd rather ignore him while I'm angry than say something and regret it dearly later.

I continued to hit ignore his calls and texts for the next thirty minutes. The only one I replied to was the one he sent asking where I was staying the night. I was pissed at Jax. I had every right to be too. He could have handled this situation so much better. Like I thought he would. Even if he was scared. He could have just said he was scared! There's no shame in that.

This isn't going to be easy, but I want this baby. Even if he doesn't…

I rested my head on Lena's shoulder and let a few silent tears slip out. I've never wanted my mother more than I do right now. She always knew what to say to make things better. She was always there to pick me up when I fell. And now she's just gone. I'm left to handle the rest of my life without her. It's not fair.

We heard the rumble and roar of a motorcycle pull into the driveway and both looked at each other. "Is that him?" Lena asked, turning around and looking out the window behind the couch. I never expected Jax to show up here. At 1:30am either. "Holy shit! It is him. He's coming to the door!" I sat my mug down on the table and turned around to glance out the window. Sure enough Jax was making his way towards the door.

My heart raced at the sight of him, but I wasn't ready to talk to him. If I talked to him I'd surely forgive him and right now I'm to pissed off to forgive him. There was a loud knock at the door. Lena hopped up to answer it. I stood up and paced the floors momentarily.

Jax knocked again, and again. "Should I answer it?" Lena questioned.

I shook my head. "I don't want to talk to him right now. I can't. Just make him leave."

I walked into the kitchen so he couldn't see me in the living room and waited. The sound of his voice sent my heart into a fluttering frenzy. My heart ached for him. Every fiber of my being wanted to go to him, to hear what he had to say. But my feet stayed planted firmly in the kitchen.

"So I told him to leave but I don't think he took the hint because he's out there laying on your car." Lena whispered, peeking her head into the kitchen. What is he doing? I followed her back into the living room quickly and kneeled on the couch to look out the window.

Jax was lying on the hood of my mustang smoking a cigarette. "What did he say?" I glanced at Lena nervously. "He said he wasn't leaving until he talked to you. I told him to get comfy because you didn't want to talk to him…"

He was so close to me, but felt so goddamn far away. I slumped down on the couch and wondered how long he'd actually stay out there. My phone buzzed and I expected to see another incoming call from Jax but instead it was from Gemma. How the hell did she even get ahold of my number? I don't remember giving it to her.

"Hello." I answered it. I walked into the bathroom and shut the door.

"Hey, sweetie. Did you break the news to Jax yet?" Gemma asked. She sounded so happy and hopeful on the other end. "Yeah, I told him. It didn't exactly go well."

"Jesus Christ. What happened?" She sighed. "We got into it. He had the audacity to question the paternity of the baby. So that's where we're at right now. I'm really tired, Gemma. I'm gonna go to bed and try and deal with this in the morning."

"Jesus, Jackson." Gemma muttered more to herself than me. She let out a sigh. "Rowan, I'm sorry. But you have to understand, that boy has burned way to many times before by Wendy and Tara. This is his knee jerk reaction. It'll pass."

I wanted to believe her so desperately. "I hope your right."

"That's actually not the only reason I'm calling you. We need you to come back up to the cabin tomorrow and see Cameron off. Make sure he's fit for travel. Tell him how to take care of his wounds and all that." She said.

"Is Jax going to be there?" I asked hesitantly.

"Nope!" Gemma answered awful quick.

"I'll be there." I informed her before hanging up the phone.

- **SOA** -

I slept on Lena's couch overnight. And by slept I mean I got zero sleep at all. The couch was uncomfortable and I just couldn't make my mind shut down. I clutched the necklace Jax gave me all night and periodically looked out the window to see if he was still outside. He was. He never left, even when it started to drizzle rain. The morning sun warmed my face as I rested my chin on the back of the couch and stared out the window looking at Jax. He was awake now, sitting on my hood smoking a cigarette.

After taking a quick shower and getting dressed I decided I needed to go outside and face him. I pulled on my grey wooly sweater over my black tank top as I walked out the front door. The sound of the door closing caught Jax's attention. He hopped off my hood and met me half way.

"You need to leave before you freak out the neighbors." I said, avoiding making any form of eye contact. Those damn eyes of his would just suck me back in. They should be illegal.

I crossed my arms over my chest and looked at my boots.

"I don't give a shit about the damn neighbors, Ro. Let em' freak out. I don't give a shit." Jax replied, stubbing out his cigarette.

He stepped closer and I stepped back.

"Well, fine then. You're freaking me out! So there, you can leave!" I tossed back at him.

Jax didn't budge. "I'm not leaving until you hear me out, I case you haven't figured that out."

I pulled my lip between my teeth and shook my head. Jax stepped closer, so I looked away. His warmth radiated off of him onto me. "Ro, look at me." He pleaded, cupping my chin in his hand. I finally allowed myself to look at his face and felt a twinge of pain. He looked like he hadn't slept all night either. His blue eyes searched mine frantically.

"Did you sleep?" He questioned. He brushed my bangs to the side, his fingers grazing my skin sending shivers down my spine. "No." I looked away from him unable to handle his stern gaze anymore.

"Me either. I've gotten so used to sleeping next to you, now when I'm not with you I can't sleep at all. I've gotten used to your little snoring." He smirked. I didn't snore! He was trying to be cute and sweet, but it wasn't working on me yet. I mean it was, but I wasn't giving in. His hand moved from my chin to my cheek, his thumb rubbed gently over my cheekbone doing things to me I wish it wasn't right now.

"I'm an asshole." I snorted. "Can't disagree with you on that."

"I shouldn't have said what I said to you. I was shocked, I mean can you blame me? But that's no excuse for how I handled the situation." He started to say and then sighed when I pulled away from his hand.

"Do you really think that little of me? Do you really think that I would cheat on you? I mean seriously, Jax! I told you I'm pregnant and the first thing you say is that!? Of all the things you could say, you chose that! I wanted you to say that it would be okay. That no matter what we would figure it out." I ranted, feeling the pit in my stomach growing larger and larger. My eyes stung with tears, but I refused to let them fall.

"I'm sorry, Rowan." Jax said, grabbing my hands gently.

"You didn't even ask if I wanted to keep it." I whispered, looking down at our feet. Jax leaned his forehead against mine and looked down too. "Do you? Do you want to keep it? I mean can you handle two kids? Because it's not just this baby. I have Abel too."

"Yes. It's not gonna be easy, but I want this. I want this baby and Abel..." I answered without hesitation.

"Then so do I." He whispered back. "We'll figure it out, babe."

I let go of his hands and stepped back away from him, placing a hand on my stomach. "No. I'll figure it out. Because I don't know if I can be with someone who doesn't trust me." I started to back away from him slowly. "I need you to go, please."

Jax shook his head and then got on his bike.

- **SOA** -

Later that afternoon I drove up to the cabin per Gemma's request. Jax looked so heartbroken this morning when I told him to go. It broke my heart to say the things I said, but I think he needed to hear them. I'm not Tara and I'm not Wendy. He needs to realize that. What they did to him, I would never do. I would never leave him without saying goodbye. My heart couldn't handle doing that to him or myself. I wouldn't cheat on him, because I love him. God. I love him more than I thought I could ever possibly love something. I'm me and he should know that.

This isn't the end for us. It's not. Is it?

No. I'm not giving up on us. I'm just pissed Aoff and angry and scared.

I pulled off onto the gravel road that led to the cabin. An Unser & Co. Truck sat in the driveway along with a bunch of Harley's and Gemma's vehicle. I pulled up along side one of the bikes and parked, recognizing Jax's bike. Gemma said he wasn't going to be here.

I grabbed my med kit out of the passenger seat and got out of the car. Gemma walked out of the cabin to meet me.

"You said he wasn't gonna be here!" I hissed, pointing at his bike. Gemma rolled her eyes and wrapped her arm around my shoulder. "Well, I lied!" She grinned. She planned this. Of course she did.

"Jax told me what happened. You two need to work this shit out. I slapped some sense into him, so don't worry." We walked up the front steps to the cabin. I paused and looked at her, shocked. "You slapped him!?"

"Wouldn't be the first time, darling." That was true. I saw her slap Jax the night Abel was born.

"Gemma!" I snapped at her. I rolled my eyes and pushed past her to head inside.

Jax was leaning in the arch way to the kitchen. He had on a sweatshirt underneath this cut and a black baseball cap on backwards that looked incredibly sexy. Everything about him is sexy. Our eyes met and I froze unable to move. "Cameron, docs here!" Gemma called out from behind me, startling me.

I looked away from Jax and focused my attention on Cameron. I changed his dressing for him one last time and instructed him on how to do it easily himself. Once I was finished I walked into the kitchen and tossed my gloves into the trash and washed my hands.

I heard someone come in behind me and turned the water off. "Here." Jax said. I turned around and accepting the dish towel he was offering me to dry my hands. He moved closer and leaned against the counter beside me crossing his arms over his chest. I noticed the dried blood on his knuckles and grabbed it without thinking.

"What happened to your hand?" I held it in my own to examine it. Jax turned so he was facing me.

"It's nothing. I'm fine." He tried to blow it off like it was nothing.

"That's not nothing, Jax. It needs to be cleaned! It's going to get infected. You probably need fucking stitches." I wet the dish towel in my other hand and began wiping the dried blood off of his knuckles.

I glanced up at his face to see him smirking down at me. "What?" I shot out. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because you can't help but help people. It's who you are." He said. I bit my lip in concentration and reached into my medical kit on the counter and pulled out some antiseptic and a q-tip. His hand was warm and rough and touching it set warm tingles through my arm.

"Rowan, I'm sorry." He started. "I'm so fucking sorry. When you told me you were pregnant, I panicked. I shouldn't have. Because I love you. And having a baby with you is amazing. I trust you, I do." Jax pleaded his case while I continued to Doctor up his hand.

Once I was finished I stood there holding his hand in front of me. Our eyes met and he stepped closer and took my face in his hands. "I trust you. I trust you with my heart and with my kids. You mean everything to me. And sure, it's happening kinda fast, but I want to start a family with you. I want my son to grow up with a woman as strong as you in his life. I want this baby, with you."

I hadn't realized I was crying until Jax wiped away a few tears as they rolled down my cheeks. "I get if you need time to think it all over. If you want space to do that, I'll give it to you. But I'm not going anywhere. It's gonna be okay. We'll figure it out." He said. He said the words I desperately needed to hear come from him.

I twisted my fists into his sweatshirt and stepped into his chest and buried my face in the crook of his neck. He wrapped his arms around me tightly, kissing the top of my head. I wanted him to hold me like this forever. I inhaled his scent, memorizing the smell and saving it for a rainy day.

"Irishman ready to go?" Gemma asked as she walked into the kitchen interrupting us. I pulled away from Jax despite not wanting to. "He's all set. His dressing needs to be changed every day and I don't recommend him moving around a whole lot. He should be fine."

"Good. And you two, will you be fine?" She gestured between the two of us. Jax had tucked me into his side. We looked at each other; Jax waited for me to answer. "I think so."

"Alright then." Gemma smirked. "Jax they're ready to go."

"Okay. I'm coming." He replied. We followed Gemma back out into the living room and and paused turning towards each other.

"I'm gonna ride with Happy and Bobby and the prospect to the border. I should get back late tonight. I'd really love for you both to be there when I get home." He slipped his hand onto my stomach and squeezed gently. A smile formed on his lips that made me go weak in the knees. "But I understand if your still pissed. But I can't fix it, if you're not there."

He was right. I placed my hand over his on my stomach. "I'm pregnant, Jax." I whispered with a smile on my face, finally enjoying the moment. Jax cradled my face with his free hand and said, "We're pregnant."

I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him. His soft lips covered mine insistently. His hand slipped off my stomach and roamed around to my back, pulling me closer into his chest. His tongue grazed my lip and I moaned quietly into him. It felt so good to kiss him. So right. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he deepened the kiss. A shudder ran through me when his hand roamed down and touched my ass. I pulled back out of breath.

"I'll see you at home." I whispered against his lips.

 **A/N: Eeep! Soooo they survived their first biggish fight! Eh? What did you think? I tried to make her not forgive him right away, but still not drag it out ya know? Hopefully I succeeded and made Jax redeem himself a little bit. Things are still going to be rocky between them, but the storm has passed…for now… Lol.**

 **I just wanna say your reviews make my day! You have no idea how much they make me smile! It makes me so excited to write new chapters for you guys! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! You're all amazing and so kind to me!**

 **There's only three episodes of season one left to adapt! Is there anything special you guys wanna see happen? Let me know!**

 **As I mentioned before I am continuing this story into season 2! (HAPPY DANCES) But I wanna give you guys a little heads up now. When I finish these next upcoming chapters I am going to take just a SMALL break from this story before I resume with season 2! I wanna get my Animal Kingdom story caught up to the end of its first season!**


	70. Chapter 70: You're My Family Now

**Chapter 70**

 **Jax's Point of View**

I'd texted Rowan once I made it to the border with Bobby, Happy and Cameron and Cherry and asked her if she'd meet me at the clubhouse instead of going home. I was spent and didn't feel like driving the rest of the way home, but I wanted to sleep next to her tonight. She happily agreed. I feel like I really screwed up reacting to the pregnancy the way that I did and know I'm gonna have to find a way to make it up to her. I'll need to find a way to prove to her that I really do want to have this baby with her.

It was unplanned, but so was Rowan. I never expected to feel the way I do about her.

When I saw her for the first time at the diner she immediately took my breath away. I was drawn to her infectious smile and that wavy long blonde hair that she hid behind so much. She was wearing a white v-neck that showed off her rack and clung to her in all the right places, showing off her curves.

Obviously, I was physically attracted to her and wanted nothing more than to fuck her, but the more I watched her the more I liked how shy she seemed. Her innocence was refreshing, it's what drew me to her. She had this lightness to her that I desperately envied. Then a few weeks later I accidentally bumped into her and knocked her on her ass and it was like I woke up from a really deep sleep. She brought me back to life, as cliché as that sounds.

It's times like now when I'm watching her sleep that I remember that day. Rowan lied curled on her side in my bed, wearing one of my old shirts. I continued to lean in the doorway and watch her sleep. Her eyelashes splayed out over her cheekbones lightly. For a moment I got a glimpse of what she must have looked like as a little kid. I wish I would have met her sooner, so I could have loved her longer than I already have.

Slowly, I crept into the room and stripped down to my boxers and slid into bed behind her. I slipped my arm around her and held her hand, our fingers intertwining together, letting my chin rest on her shoulder. I planted a kiss on her shoulder gently. She stirred, and opened her eyes, shooting me a sexy sleepy little grin. Fuck. I felt my dick twitch in my boxers.

"Hey, you." She mumbled, rolling onto her back to face me. "Were you watching me sleep, again?"

I smiled down at her. "Maybe." She rolled her eyes and smirked as I placed my hand on her stomach. I worked my hand up underneath her shirt, needing to touch her skin. My fingers grazed over the softest part of her stomach gently. It was strange and beautiful to think that my kid was growing inside of her right this very second.

I don't think I ever touched Wendy's stomach once while she was carrying Abel. Never even felt the kid kick. That was my fault though, I wasn't around. It's not gonna be like this time around. I'm gonna be here as much as Rowan wants me.

"I'm glad you're here." I whispered, gazing down at her. "Both of you." She smiled and placed her hand over mine on her stomach. Two kids was gonna be a challenge, but I wouldn't wanna face it with anyone else.

"Do you really truly want this, Jax?" She asked, turning serious all of a sudden. I didn't blame her for questioning me again. I'd placed doubt in her mind. Once it's there it's hard for those doubts to go away.

I learned that from reading Johns manuscript. The damn thing was starting to make me doubt and question every aspect of this club.

"I do want this. You. Abel. This baby. You're my family. We're a family." I nodded my head, answering her sternly and confidently. "I'm sorry I made you doubt me." I leaned down and placed a kiss on her lips. Rowan's hand slipped up and around the back of my neck.

Our mouths came together as one like two pieces of a broken heart coming together again. Her tongue slipped in my mouth and explored, dancing around mine in languid strokes. I let her set the pace and followed even though I wanted more, much more. I moaned deepening the kiss, unable to get enough of her. It didn't matter how close we were I could never get close enough. I took her lip between my teeth and bit down gently as I pulled away, leaving her breathless.

"I love you." I whispered against her neck before planting a kiss on it. I slipped my hand up her stomach until I reached her breast. She wasn't wearing a bra and my hand met her smooth skin and already peaked nipple. "Fuck…" I groaned against her neck as I continued to suck on her pulse point. I wouldn't be surprised if I weren't leaving a mark.

My hand squeezed her breast as my thumb circled over her nipple. Her back arched gradually and her hips bucked slightly at the movement. I smiled against her neck, loving just how sensitive she was for me. It was such a fucking turn on to know that I am the only man that has ever made her feel like this. Im the only man that'll ever make her feel like this. My name will be the only name to fall from her lips.

I felt her hands run up my bare back until they settled into the back of my hair. Her heavy breaths and little moans filled the quiet room.

Music to my fucking ears.

"God. That feels so…everything you do feels so good." She whispered against my neck. My dick swelled in my boxers against her thigh.

"Jax…" She whispered again, a hint of desperation in her voice.

My lips moved down her neck, and across her collar bone. I pressed my mouth to the thin layer of shirt covering her nipple, and took it between my teeth. She moaned and whimpered, gripping the nape of my neck for support as her back arched once more. Her fingernails were leaving crescent shaped marks on my skin and I fucking loved every second of the pain.

I removed my mouth from her nipple as she slowly rose up and lifted her shirt over her head. Gently, I pushed her back down on the bed by planting light kisses between her breasts leading down to her stomach. I placed my hand on her stomach and gazed up at her, out of breath. She was watching me intently trying to control her breathing.

I couldn't help but smirk at her. "I love him too."

She laughed, well more so giggled, in response. "How do you know it's a boy?" She asked, smiling. I kissed my way back up to her lips and pulled her against my chest, feeling her tits press against me. My dick twitched in my boxers and it was all I could do not to lose control.

"I just got a feeling." I said, as she kissed my jawline leading to my ear. She bit down on my earlobe and I groaned pushing her back on her back, and moved to hover over her.

We were eye to eye now. "What if it's a girl?"

I considered it for a moment. I don't really know a lot about little girls, so I'd be screwed on that front. Little boys are easier. Trucks. Mud. Food. I can handle that. I don't know about girls and princesses and shit. That would be more her territory.

Rowan ran her hands down my chest gradually, biting her lip waiting for my response. "If it's a girl, I hope it's exactly like you. I hope it has your smile," I leaned down and placed a kiss on her lips, "and your skinny little chicken legs." I reached down and squeezed her thigh.

Rowan laughed and smacked me in the shoulder in return. "I don't have chicken legs!" I kissed her, completely ignoring her protest.

"And I hope it's as sweet and caring and adorable as you." I finished saying, letting my nose brush against hers. Even through the darkness of the room I could still see the smile that was on her face right now. It made my chest swell. I leaned back and slipped her panties off and tossed them over my shoulder, not caring where they landed, before settling in front of her again.

If it were up to me she'd be sleeping without panties every night.

She reached down and slid my boxers off and I couldn't help but smirk against her lips as I kissed her. My dick couldn't be any harder for her right now, but knowing she's anticipating it and she wants it only makes it that much more harder. If I don't get inside of her soon I'm gonna lose it. I guided her leg over my hip and pressed myself against her entrance relishing how wet she was for me, she moaned and gripped my shoulders, knowing damn well, what's about to happen..

"One of the perks of you being pregnant means we can have as much sex as we want, with no condoms." I joked, kissing her neck. I've been with my fair share of women, but nothing, and I mean nothing and no one compares to taking her bare.

"Will you still want to have sex with me even when I'm all fat and pregnant and hormonal." She asked, innocently looking up at me through the darkness.

The moonlight peeking through the blinds framed her face so perfectly. I brushed some hair behind her ear and held her cheek in my hand.

I shook my head. How could I not want her? The fact that she's carrying my kid turns me on even more. Plus, it'll let every one of this other fuckers around here know she belongs to me, too.

"Well, when that happens I'll just have to take you from behind." That lands me a swift playful elbow to the gut. I rolled off of her laughing, clutching my stomach.

Rowan's laughed her ass off into my neck at my reaction. "You're such an asshole!" She laughed more. I turned and tried to guide her back onto her back but she rolled onto her side away from me, shutting me down.

"Nope! If you don't want me when I'm fat then you can't have me now!" She tossed over her shoulder playfully. I laughed and shook my head, crawling on top of her to straddle her and began tickling her sides with no remorse.

She giggled and attempted to fight me off until she was out of breath and on her back again beneath me. "I'll always want you, no matter what you look like."

"Right answer." She grinned, pulling me down so she could kiss me.

We spent the rest of the night tangled up in skin and sin. Only finally dozing off in each other's arms in the early hours of the morning…

- **SOA** -

My fathers burnt up manuscript sat on my lap, well what's left of it anyway. Part of me sort of regretted burning the damn thing. I guess that's the part of me that pulled it back out of the rising flames. I've tried to heed John's advice and steer the club in a better direction, but with Clay at the helm it's a lost cause. Fuck, maybe it's just a lost cause to begin with. John couldn't turn the club around, so what the hell made me think I could turn it around? Maybe there's a reason these words were packed away with all the useless junk in that damn storage unit. Because the words were useless. To me. To this club.

I wrapped the rubber band back around the charred remains of the manuscript and jammed it down inside the box sitting at the foot of my bed. My mom has been packing my shit up inside my dorm room to take back to the house, because Rowan and I are going to be living there full time with Abel.

"Hey, Jax?" I looked up to see Rowan standing halfway hidden behind the bathroom door with a towel wrapped around her. "Can you hand me my clothes off the dresser? Please." She smiled, pointing to the stack of clothes sitting on top of my dresser across the room.

I smirked. "Why would I want you to put clothes on?"

"Shut up! Please. It's cold out there!" She protested. I leaned back on my elbows on the bed and arched my eyebrows at her. She grumbled under her breath and rolled her eyes stepping out into the room. She shook her head as she walked past me to grab her clothes off the dresser.

"Why don't you just get dressed right out here." I suggested, cocking my head to the side, staring at her legs. I'd just fucked her in the shower not twenty minutes ago, but I was already hard just looking at her.

She gave me a grin and walked towards me and sat her clothes down on the edge of the bed beside me. I gazed up at her, waiting for the towel to drop. My tongue slide across my bottom lip as my eyes raked down over her body. She was so fucking gorgeous. Her short wet hair hung lose around her face. She slipped her panties on underneath the towel, not giving me even a peek.

"That's not fair." I groaned, sitting up and tugging on the end of her towel.

"Down boy." She laughed, stepping back away from me slightly. If I was a dog she was my bone. I'd do anything to get it. She pulled her ripped up skinny jeans on next underneath the towel.

Just when I was about to give up she unraveled the towel giving my just a glimpse of her perky firm breasts, before the towel landed on my head. Of course she'd throw the towel on my head. She giggled as I yanked it off my head, already with her bra on. Dammit.

I picked up her white t-shirt and held it in my hands. "Give it!" She held out her hand moving to stand between my legs. I shot her a cocky grin as I relaxed back on my elbows. Her tits were begging to come back out of that bra. "Give it to me!" She squealed, reaching for it.

"Take it." I taunted her.

She sighed and placed her hands on her hips as I held the shirt above my head. She huffed, crawling on top of me, straddling my legs to retrieve it. "Jackson Teller I will beat your ass if you don't give me my damn shirt!"

I let her have it and smirked. Once she pulled it over her head and adjusted it she looked at me. "What? Why are you giving me that crooked little smirk, hm?"

"You sounded like a mom just now." I sat up and slipped my arms around her. She held back a smile and looked down then let her eyes meet mine. "You're gonna make an amazing mom, Ro."

"I had a pretty good one, hopefully some of it rubbed off on me." She reached up and let her fingers run through my beard lightly, driving me insane. Her face fell for a moment and I knew she was thinking about her mom and how she wasn't here. I brushed some wet hair behind her ear and held her face in my hand. "She's not going to get to see any of it, Jax. Her grandchild be born. Or see it walk. Or see it play soccer or any of it. She should be here. It's not fair. I need her for this."

"I know, and you're right it isn't fair. You know I would do anything to bring her back for you… I would do it in a fucking heartbeat, no questions asked. But I can't. It fucking kills me. But I can do this, I can promise you I'll be there for it all. Every single thing, I'll be there." She rested her forehead against mine and leaned down and kissed me. "Thank you…" She whispered against my lips.

"For what?"

"For being you. For being my family."

My hands slipped up underneath her light Cotton shirt and squeezed her sides. She leaned down and pressed her lips to mine, right when her stomach growled. Just pulled back and laughed, then buried her face in my shoulder. "What was that?" I chuckled, biting the side of her next gently, the exposed skin was just to tempting not to.

"I'm hungry! Well, we're hungry!" She said, looking at me and pointing at her stomach. "I'm gonna go make something in the kitchen. Do you want anything?"

"No, why don't I take you out to breakfast. We can sit down and eat, family style." I grinned. She nodded. "That sounds perfect."

Rowan crawled off of me and pulled her boots on and through her hair up on a tight bun. I helped her into her brown jacket and then took her hand and led her downstairs. We rounded the corner passing my old mans old Harley and were about to walk into the main room when a FED slammed me against the wall, twisting my arm behind my back.

"Jax! What the hell are you doing to him! Stop!" Rowan screamed behind me.

"Jax!" Rowan yelled again, unsure as to what the fuck was happening. That made two of us. That's when I looked into the main room to see the chaos that was ensuing. We were being raided by the fucking ATF. I saw a FED shove Rowan into the wall beside me, rather roughly and strained against the guy pinning me to the wall. Son of a bitch. "Get the fuck off of her! She's pregnant you asshole!" I seethed…

 **A/N: Some cute little Rax fluff for you guys! :) I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Should have another one up tomorrow night! These next few chapters might have more of Jax's POV because of what's going on in the show, but I promise it won't lack Rowan!**

 **As always I love love love your reviews! Thank you!**


	71. Chapter 71: MIA

**Chapter 71**

 **Jax's Point of View**

For a moment it was mass confusion as ATF stormed through the doors of the clubhouse, weapons drawn. The agent pinning me to the wall tossed me onto the ground and pinned my arms behind my back. I turned my head to the side to see another agent do the same thing to Rowan, just as forcefully. "Get the fuck off of her!" I yelled, struggling desperately to get to my feet to pull the asshole off of her. That landed me a boot in the back. "Everybody on the ground now!" ATF agents barked at us left and right until each and every one of us were pinned to the ground.

Rowan looked at me with fear running wild in her eyes. I reached over and placed my hand on her back, hoping it would reassure her that it would be okay. I looked up to see an agent pulling my mother to the ground. "Get off of me!" She was always one to never go down without a fight. Clay tried to intervene, but ended up getting yanked away and forced to the ground.

"Robert Munson, you're under arrest for the murder of Brennan Hefner." One of the agents said, hauling Bobby up off the floor and placing him under arrest. This is fucking bullshit. No way they can pin what happened in Oakland on us.

"Who?" Bobby questioned, playing stupid. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say may be used against you in a court of law." His Miranda Rights were being read to him. I shook my head and ran my hand up Rowans back. I glanced up to see the reigning ATF bitch Stahl walk through the door, followed by an against man with peppered hair. I couldn't help but notice his uncanny resemblance to someone I thought we'd seen the last of.

"I'll call Rosen, Bobby. You just sit tight." Clay assured him. One of the agents kicked him in the ribs, hard, setting my mother off. She struggled against the guy holding her to the ground and spat at Stahl as she walked towards her. "Bitch!"

Stahl kicked my mother in the side and then knelt down beside her. "Easy now! Manners, darling. Manners."

Her face was bruised all to hell where Otto had shattered her face. That was his little way of showing us he didn't rat us out when the ATF approached him. Luanne was in the clear and up until now we thought we were too. Clearly, we were wrong. This fucking bitch is like a goddamn dog with a bone. Bobby was hauled out the front door by two officers.

"Let em' up." Stahl ordered. The boot that had been wedged between my shoulder blades disappeared. Everyone got to their feet and stared Stahl and the other agents down. Rowan winced as I helped her up. I tucked her into my side and wrapped my arms around her as Stahl closed in on us.

"The prince holding the princess, it's all very poetic. This is every girls fairytale. Well, maybe not every girls, but certainly yours!" Stahl smirked at her. Rowan stiffened in my arms as I clenched my jaw shut. "I'd like to introduce agent Joshua Kohn, he's been called in from our ATF division in Chicago to look into his brothers disappearance."

Josh stepped forward and eyed Rowan and myself. Rowan fisted my sweatshirt in her hand underneath my cut. I tightened my arm around her, silently letting her know that he wasn't going to hurt her, I wouldn't let it happen. "I may have some questions for you Miss. Collins, seeing as you rent a home from my brother. I'll be in touch." He said, unhooking the sunglasses from the collar of his shirt and putting them on. He followed Stahl and her cronies out the front door, leaving behind a shit storm for us to clean up.

The moment the doors slammed shut the room erupted into chaos. Everyone began talking and yelling trying to figure out what the hell just happened. I pulled back away from Rowan, my main focus at the moment being her and making sure she was okay. I cupped her face in my hands and searched her eyes. She was frightened but seemed otherwise okay. "Are you alright?" I asked, frantically letting my eyes look over her. I placed my hand on the side of her stomach and she winced slightly. That motherfucker slammed her into the corner of the wall hard.. "The baby? Is everything okay? We need to get you checked out."

She nodded and placed her hand over mine on her stomach. "I'm okay. I just hit my side on the wall a little, but I'm fine! I swear. I'm okay. Me and the baby, we're alright." I let out a long sigh and pressed my lips to her forehead. If anything happened to her or this baby because of me; would destroy me. "Jax, that was Kohn's brother…what if he somehow knows what happened? What do we do?" She whispered, looking up at me. "What happens with Bobby? Did he really murder that guy?"

Part of her looked a little relieved that I wasn't the one who'd been arrested for the murder of Hefner.

"We'll handle it, okay? He doesn't know shit. Stahl's grasping for straws so she brought him here. It'll be fine." I pulled her into my arms again and let her bury her face in the crook of my neck.

"Did I hear you say she's pregnant?" Tig asked, approaching us, followed by Juice and Chibs. Clay and Gemma were looking at us now too, along with Deacon. He looked less than pleased with me. His eyes caught mine across the room as he tossed a few pool sticks onto the top of the pool table.

Rowan pulled back and looked up at me a little uncertain. I'm sure this wasn't exactly how she wanted everyone to find out she's pregnant, but that asshole grabbed her and my main concern was if her and the baby were okay. I guess my fatherly instincts kicked in. Never knew I had those. I tucked some loose strands of hair behind her ear and gave her a light smirk. She shook her head and then smiled, turning to face everyone. "Surprise!" She said excitedly, placing a hand on her stomach. "We're pregnant."

Everyone erupted in cheers and congratulations. "You got a good girl here, Jackie boy!" Chibs slapped me on the shoulder. "Congratulations, sweetheart." Chibs hugged Rowan. She smiled and laughed as one by one the guys hugged her.

"You need to invest in some porn, man. Can't keep knocking chicks up!" Tig joked, looking at me as he hugged Rowan. "Oh don't worry, I'm the last one." She reassured him. I couldn't help but chuckle at her. Her little spikes of jealous were sexy as hell.

The guys loved her because she was Deacons kid, but now they loved her more because she was carrying mine. Rowan might have lost her mom, but she gained an entire family here with us.

Clay and Gemma and Deacon approached us. "Welcome to the family, kid." Clay said, leaning down to hug Rowan to my surprise. My mother was grinning ear to ear, thrilled to have another grandkid on the way. Clay slapped me on the shoulder and leaned into my ear to let me know he was calling a meeting so we could figure out what to do with this whole Bobby situation.

Deacon placed his hands on his hips and braced myself for a punch to the face. But instead of a punch he held his hand out for me to shake. Rowan leaned into my side and smiled up at me as I took Deacons hand. "You do right by her and my grandchild or I'll break your neck, you hear me?"

I shook his hand and nodded. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Wow, Deacon. I'm really proud you didn't attempt to kill him. We're making progress here!" Rowan chirped, returning back to her bubbly sarcastic self. The raid freaked her out, but she wasn't sprinting for the door. I kissed the side of her head gently.

"Baby steps, kid. Baby steps." Deacon grumbled.

"How's it feel to be a grandpa?" I said, letting go of Rowan and walking toward the church room. Deacon shot me death glare. "What? Too soon?" I chuckled and decided not to push my luck.

- **SOA** -

 **Rowan's Point of View**

There's nothing like an ATF raid to start your day off. I guess I can add being involved in a raid and arrest off my bucket list. That was fucking insane to say the least. I didn't know how to feel about Bobby being arrested for murdering that Hefner dude. I pushed that from my mind as I swept up the broken glass off the floor. Gemma and some of the other hang arounds were cleaning up the mess ATF made when they burst through the doors. I walked behind the bar and grabbed the trash can and dust pan. Juice was sitting at the bar on his laptop typing away, holding a cell phone between his cheek and shoulder. He glanced up at me and said, "Congrats on the baby, Ro."

I smiled and knelt down to sweep the glass into the dust pan. "Thanks, Juice."

"You and Jax are real good together. Any idea what it is?" He asked, curious.

"I'm not sure yet. I'll find out after I see a doctor, which I need to do soon." I made a mental reminder to make an appointment with my OBGYN so I could get put on prenatal vitamins and get checked out. Karlie was talking to Gemma about something across the room which reminded me to talk her up to Juice.

I finished piling the glass in the dustpan and dumped it in the trash can before dragging it back behind the bar. Juice looked like he was still on hold with whoever he was on the phone with so I took the opportunity to use to my advantage. "So, are you seeing anyone Juice?" I asked.

"Me? No, nope. Why?" He arched his brow at me. "Well, I happen to know that a certain someone is very interested in a guy with a Mohawk." I nodded my chin towards Karlie across the room and smirked. Juice glanced over his shoulder and gave her the once over, taking in her low cut tank top and cut off shorts.

"Her? Really? Very funny. I don't have a chance with her." He looked at me disappointed.

I shook my head. "Dude, trust me, she's into you! What's not to like about you? Ask her out!" I pushed a little. Other than Lena I've never really seen Juice with a woman like the other guys. I'd learned that Juice was a little more shy than the rest of the gang too. He looked at Karlie again and smiled when she caught him looking at her. She blushed across the room and I couldn't help but smile.

"Let me know when the wedding is!" I teased. Juice shook his head and then disappeared into church with Jax and the others.

I'd poured myself a bowel of cereal and was chomping down on it when I heard yelling coming from behind the doors to church. Jax flung the door open and stormed out, pissed as hell. I slurped my milk from the bowl and placed it on the bar before running after him to make sure he was okay.

"Jax!" I called after him, following him outside into the morning sunlight. He stopped walking and waited for me to catch up to him. "What's wrong?"

"Ope's missing. I'm gonna go find him." He said, clearly holding back. There was more to this than him just not being here, but Jax didn't want to tell me. His entire demeanor was rigid and his jaw was clenched shut. The little muscles popped and flexed here and there in his jaw.

I slipped my hand in his and intertwined our fingers together. "So let's go find him." I said. "I can come with you, if you want?" I offered, realizing he might want to be alone. Even though I didn't think he really needed to be by himself right now. Plus, I didn't want to be anywhere Kohn's brother could corner me. Having that asshole here tilted me off my axis. He has to suspect we had something to do with Jerry's sudden disappearance. Why else would Stahl sick him on me? Just when I was starting to sort of calm down… everything implodes on itself again.

"I really want you to come with me." Jax said, squeezing my hand lightly. I nodded my head and let him lead me towards his bike.

We got on his bike and headed towards Opie's house.

- **SOA** -

"Opie, open up!" Jax hollered, beating on Opie's front door several times. No one came to the door. His truck was in the driveway along with Donna's car. I touched Jax's arm causing him to look at me. "Tell me what's going on?"

"There's only one other person who was present during Hefner's… Tig thinks Opie might have flipped on us since Bobby got arrested. He wasn't at the club this morning or last night." After a few more knocks Jax knelt down and pulled the spare key out from underneath the doormat and let himself in. "So what you're saying is he thinks Opie turned Bobby in? That's ridiculous, not to mention the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Opie just got out of jail for the club, why the hell would he do that and get out just to rat you guys out?"

"That's what I said." Jax replied.

The house was quiet as we walked in. "Opie? Donna?" Jax called out, but no one answered. Jax sighed and walked through the living room into the kitchen and checked the backyard. I couldn't help but notice the moving boxes scattered throughout the living room and dining room. "Is Opie moving?" I asked, peeking into one of the half packed boxes.

"No. Donna and the kids might be though. I knew they were having problems, but I didn't think it was rent a U-Haul kinda problems." Jax said. My eyes scanned the counter tops grazing over coupons and magazines. I picked up a business card that was flipped over and was surprised to see June Stahls contact information on it.

"Jax, check it out." I called. He reappeared behind me and looked at the card over my shoulder. "Jesus Christ." He sighed taking the card in his hand.

"What happens if for some reason Opie did rat?" I asked, needing to know the answer. Something in me knew it wasn't good. Otherwise Jax wouldn't be freaking out like this. I've learned to pick up on his little cues when somethings not right and this isn't right.

Jax looked at me. "You don't wanna know… Come on, let's go." He took my hand and led me back outside.

 **A/N: Sorry for the hiatus guys! It's been a busy week! I hope you liked this chapter! It was kinda more of a filler chapter but…. Yeah! One of you guys called it in a review with Kohn's brother showing up! Nice job! Lol.**

 **As always your reviews are so appreciated and loved dearly!**


	72. Chapter 72: Searching For Answers

**Chapter 72**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

"You got one minute. ATF finds out, they'll have a fit." Unser's Deputy said. She unlocked the gate letting Jax and I into the back of the precinct where the holding cells were located.

After coming up empty handed at Opie's house and finding that bitch Stahl's business card on their counter Jax thought maybe Unser might be able to shed some light on where Opie and his family were. We didn't expect for him to be in a goddamn holding cell.

"Thanks, Candy." Jax, placing his hand on the small of my back and walking through the gate. She nodded and disappeared around the corner. The holding cells were empty except for the one containing poor Unser. He was sitting on the ratty cot staring at his shiny shoes.

"What are you doing in here?" Jax whispered, shaking his. Unser looked up at us, surprised to see us. I gave him a small smile and rested my hands on the metal bars as he approached. Unser was a good man and good police officer. He was always so sweet to me while my mom was going through treatments, even though he was going through chemo himself.

He used to share cookies that Della had baked with my mom and I during chemo sessions.

In some weird way I kind of looked at Unser as the grandfather I never had. My grandfather passed away when I was younger, so I really don't have any memory of him at all.

"Stahl's detaining me for questioning." He said, rolling his eyes. "Old bitch thinks I know something about this damn Hefner bullshit. Thinks I'm a little to close to the MC."

"God I wish she would get hit by a bus." I mumbled, disgusted with this woman. She was like a cockroach that wouldn't die, no matter how many times you stomped on it.

"Jesus Christ." Jax sighed. "You got any idea what happened to Ope? His whole family's gone."

"I don't know. Ask Hale. He's Stahl's little errand boy." Unser snorted, pacing the length of his confined cell.

"He's more than that. Other night, when we were in here, he was face down in that shit." Jax revealed. My eyes about bulged out of my head. I smacked Jax on the shoulder. "What? Are you kidding me? Hale and Stahl? What were they doing? Wait nope that's not an image I want in my head." I shook my head and closed my eyes picturing anything other than them two doing it. "But like were they doing it?"

"Babe?" Jax placed a hand on my shoulder and gave me a pointed look. "Not the time." He arched his brow at me and held back a smirk. I shut up and folded my arms over my chest. "I want the details later."

"Hale's a goddamn idiot." Unser shook his head, running his hand over his bald head.

"I got to find Ope, man. You hear anything, you let me know." Jax said, nodding to Unser. "Of course." He replied.

"I hear a congratulations are in order to you, sweetheart." Unser said, patting my hand resting on the metal bar. I glanced at him and then Jax and then back to him. He knew I was pregnant? How could he possible know. Of course. Jax told him. I smiled.

"Thank you." I squeezed his hand gently, wishing we could do something to get him out of this stupid holding cell. He's the goddamn Chief of police; he shouldn't be in a holding cell!

"Thanks, man. We gotta go." Jax told Unser. He took my hand and we started to make our way back out of the precinct. The place was crawling with ATF agents. It's like they moved in and took the place over.

Once we snuck out the back and were standing by Jax's bike I said. "You told Unser I was pregnant?" I grinned up at Jax. He nodded, a little bashful. "Opie knows too. He told me I was an idiot for being such a dick to you the night you told me you were pregnant." I could tell Jax was worried for Opie's sake. Whatever happened to a rat in their world couldn't be good. But I believed Opie was an honest good guy that wouldn't turn his back on his family, on his club.

Stahl was behind this. She had to be.

Jax sat down on his bike. I placed my hand in his and intertwined our fingers together. He gave my hand a light squeeze. "We're gonna figure this out. Opie's gonna be okay. There's an explanation for why he's not here."

"I know. Ope's been like a brother to me my entire life. This ain't him." I leaned down and pressed my lips to his, feeling my phone vibrate in my pocket. Jax pulled back and put his helmet on, while I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked it. I had a new text from Gemma. Oh joy.

Need you to stop by the house and let the painters in. –G

On my way there. –R

I'd totally forgot Gemma had painters coming to repaint the kitchen and living room and hallway. I told her I could have done it and saved her $2,300 dollars but she wasn't having any of that and didn't want me around the paint fumes in my condition. I'm pregnant. Not an invalid. Plus, I'm not even showing yet! But she was right. The paint fumes were bad for the baby, so I conceded.

"Do you think you can drop me off at home? Your mom wants me to let the painters in." I said, climbing on the back of his bike. Jax handed me a helmet over his shoulder and placed his hand on my thigh. "No problem. I'm gonna head back over to Opes and see if the neighbors saw Opie and Donna leave or anything."

- **SOA** -

Jax dropped me off at home and the headed back over to Opie's neighborhood. I removed my jacket and placed it on the dining room table and then finished moving the rest of the kitchen supplies out of the painters way. The painters arrived and I let them in and stood back and watched as they set everything up to get started. I wondered into Abel's room not wanting to hover while the guy and girl painted the kitchen.

I placed my hand over my belly involuntarily and looked around, taking a deep breath. I still don't know if Jax is ready to become a dad, to this baby or to Abel, but it's happening. I don't know if I'm ready to be a mom, but it's happening. Right now I'm a complete paradox. I'm happy and I'm sad. I'm completely at peace and completely feel like I'm falling down the rabbit hole.

A knock at the door pulled me out of my own headspace. I went to answer it and was surprised when I opened the door. "Wendy! Hey!" I breathed out, at a loss for words at the moment.

For some reason it felt like I'd been punched in the gut. "Rowan. I see you're still around." She said with a sly grin, fiddling with her hand on her suitcase handle. I tried not to take that as an insult. Her long blonde hair hung over one shoulder. She looked pretty great, compared to the last time I saw her.

"Yeah, I am. Jax isn't here right now, he's dealing with some stuff going on at the club right now." I stepped out onto the front porch and closed the door behind me. "How are you? You look great!" I admired her with a smile.

Wendy chuckled and shook her head. "Jax is always dealing with the club." We agreed on that. "I'm sixty four days clean. I'm moving into a sober living house in Lincoln Village." Wendy said as I motioned for her to sit down on the concrete step next to me, which she did.

"That's really great, Wendy." Jax told me he'd tried to get Wendy in rehab for the drugs before and she'd do good for a while and then completely go off the rails. He said the most she ever lasted was thirty days. It seemed like this time she was really trying to pull through this. "You should be proud of yourself."

Wendy fiddled with the bracelets on her wrist. "We'll see. I'm hopeful. So, are you living here with Jax now?" She looked at me out of the corner of her eye. Wendy was in a very fragile state of mind right now. I didn't want to say anything that would send her into a downward spiral, like I'm pregnant. "Actually, yeah. I just moved in a bit ago."

"You and Jax are still a thing then?"

"We are." I nodded.

Wendy nodded, accepting it. "The homecoming queen snagged herself a biker." She smirked. For some reason she always liked to compare me to a homecoming queen. I didn't care. I laughed and nodded shrugging my shoulders. "Still not the homecoming queen."

Wendy chuckled. " didn't come back here for Jax. Just so you know. I just wanted to see how Abel was doing. How is he?"

"He's really good! He's getting so big and so strong! They say he should be coming home now any day. Do you wanna go see him?" I asked, without thinking too much about it. I highly doubted Jax would have a problem with her seeing Abel. But just in case I decided to text him real quick.

"Oh I would love to see him! Can we go now?" Wendy asked, so hopeful. I stood up and pulled my phone out of my pocket and texted Jax.

Hey, babe. Wendy showed up at the house… I was going to take her to see Abel if that's okay with you? She really wants to see him. -R

That's fine with me. Think it'll be good for her. I'll meet you guys there. –J

"Jax said its fine with him! So we can go now. He's going to meet us over there." I said. Wendy followed me to my car in the driveway. I told her she could put her bag in the back. She got in the passenger seat and I stood outside the car and texted Jax again.

Anything on Opie? –R

Neighbor said he walked out of his house late last night. Him and Donna and the kids got into black SUV's. –J

That doesn't make any sense! –R

It does if Stahl's trying to hang Opie out as the rat. Bitch paid off his debt. Found out from his mom he's at the Justice of Family Department. She had to go there to pick up the kids. –J

Jesus, Jax. I'll see you at the hospital. –R

I shoved my phone in my pocket and got in the car.

- **SOA** -

Wendy and I arrived at St. Thomas before Jax did and decided to go ahead up and see Abel. We walked into Abel's room to see Tara checking over Abel. Tara seemed utterly surprised to see Wendy and I together. "Hey, Tara." Wendy smiled weakly, before turning her attention to her son. "Oh my god! He's gotten so big!" Wendy gushed, moving over towards Abel lying in his crib.

Tara glanced at me and then Wendy. "Does Jax know about this?" She questioned. I fought the urge to roll my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest admiring Wendy holding her son in her arms. Although, I felt slightly jealous for some reason.

"Jax knows. He's actually on his way." I gave her a tight smile.

"Do you wanna feed him?" Tara asked Wendy as she sat down in the rocking chair with him in her arms. Wendy's eyes lit up as she took the bottle from Tara's hand.

"Hi, baby boy. Are you hungry?" Wendy cooed in a light voice, attempting to feed him. Abel squirmed and made noises in her arms. I couldn't help but smile. I noticed the tears welling in Wendy's eyes an motioned for Tara to follow me out of the room. I think they needed a minute together, alone. I didn't want to intrude on her moment with her son.

"He's taking to the bottle much better." Tara said, watching Wendy and Abel interact through the window. She was making a point not to look at me. The last time we spoke it wasn't very pleasant. I honestly couldn't give a shit.

"How is his sleep apnea?" I asked, smiling at Abel through the window.

"The last two nights, no alarms. He's almost through it." Tara nodded, then glanced down at the chart in her hand.

"That means he should be able to go home soon? Right?"

"Probably tomorrow." She said. She closed the chart in her hands and tucked it under her arm and turned to me. I couldn't believe Abel was finally going to be coming home. That's when reality would really set in. But I couldn't wait for it. Technically Abel wasn't mine, but I love him as much as I love Jax, if not more and can't wait to see him grow and learn and be a part of his life.

No matter how much of a role Wendy wants to play in his life. I would never try to step on Wendy's toes as a mother or try to replace her, but Abel will always be loved and cared for by me. No matter what. That little boy will never go a day wondering if he's unloved or unwanted. Not while I'm around.

"Can I ask you a practical question?" Tara asked, breaking me out of my headspace. I honestly forgot she was standing beside me. I shrugged. "Sure." This should be good…

"Who's gonna take care of him?" She looked at me like she had a sour grape in her mouth. What kind of question is that? I mean honestly.

"Jax will. I will." I answered her sternly. "Honestly, I don't think it's really any of your business, Tara."

"Day and night? You ready for that? Jax sure as hell isn't. I mean this is a big responsibility." She challenged. I wasn't sure if Jax was ready for all of this, but I wasn't going to let her of all people stand here and tell me this.

"Why don't you give Jax a little more credit. He'll learn. We'll learn. Just like every other set of new parents." I shot back at her.

Tara considered it for a moment. "But you're not his parent…you will always be the odd man out." She said before skulking off down the hallway. I hadn't realized my fists were clenched until my fingernails cut into my palms. I starred after her fighting the urge to grab her by her pony tail.

"Hey, you beat me here." Jax said from behind me. I turned around as he walked up behind me. He looked past me into Abel's room and saw Wendy. He went inside and I stayed out in the hallway and watched the three of them as Tara's words echoed in my mind.

They were a family. The three of them. Maybe Tara had a point… I suddenly felt sick and decided to make my way downstairs and get some fresh air.

I grew up with just my mom and it was great, but there was always a part of me that wanted my dad to be there. I mean how could I not want my dad. Abel has the opportunity for both of his parents to be in his life. He should know what it feels like to grow up in a home with his mom and dad together. I always wished I was given that opportunity. What if there's still something between Jax and Wendy that could give Abel that life? Who am I to stand in the way of that. But then I'd be doing the same thing to this baby growing inside of me. Unless Jax went al sister wives and that's not happening!

Tara's a bitch.


	73. Chapter 73: The Decent

**Chapter 73**

 **Jax's Point of View**

Wendy was sitting in the rocking chair holding Abel trying to get him to take his bottle when I entered the room. She looked up and gave me a weak smile. "Hey, Jax" I smiled down at her and Abel as I leaned against the door and crossed my arms over my chest. How the hell do we navigate through this shit.

"You leave rehab?" I asked. It wouldn't be the first time. Wendy shook her head. "No. I made it sixty four days. It's time for me to move into a sober living home." I'm not gonna lie, hearing that surprised me, but in a good way. Wendy and I might not be together anymore but I still wanted her to get her shit straightened out.

"That's really great, Wendy. You look great." And she did look great compared to the last time I'd seen her. I slowly walked towards her and knelt down at Abel's head. His eyes found me and he gazed at me. I touched his nose lightly with my index finger and smirked at him. He squirmed and turned his head back to look up at Wendy.

"I'm sorry, Jax. For everything that happened with Abel. I'm not going to seek custody of him, he's better off with you. I just wanted to see him and say that I'm sorry for what I did." Tears welled in her eyes as she spoke to me. I placed my hand gently on her knee to comfort her, something I never really did when we were together.

"It ain't all on you. What happened happened, we can't change it. You and I weren't good for each other. The drinking, the drugs, the fighting. Nothing good came of it, except him." I cradled Abel's head, feeling the little nuggets peach fuzz against my palm.

Wendy placed her hand over my own on her knee and gave it a light squeeze.

"You got somewhere to stay until you move into your sober living house?" I asked. She nodded. "The Ramada Inn. I went by the house, the homecoming queen answered the door. How's that working out for you?"

I smiled thinking of Rowan. "It's good, really good actually." I half expected her to give me a bunch of bullshit about having Rowan around Abel, but Wendy just nodded and gave me a longing look. I didn't care really what she wanted regardless. Rowan was going to be apart of my life and Abel's and whoever didn't like it could go to hell. But I didn't want to provoke Wendy, not in the state she's in now. Anything could set her off. Which is why I'm not going to tell her Rowans pregnant.

"You seem happy with her. Happier than you were with me." Wendy paused, "I'm glad." I stood up and let my eyes fall to Abel then out the window of the room. Rowan was standing there talking to my mother. Her eyes met mine and I felt my heart all but stop. "I'm unbelievably happy with that part of my life. I hope you find someone who makes you happy too Wendy."

Wendy squeezed my hand and then returned her attention to her son. "Is it alright if I just sit with him for a while before I go?" She asked. I nodded my head. "Of course."

I kissed Abel on the head and Wendy as well before heading back out into the hallway. She needed time with him. Time to try and make amends for what happened. I understood that. From the look on my mothers face, she didn't.

"Little family reunion in there." She spat the words out like venom. I held my hand up already knowing where this conversation was headed. "Don't start. She just wants to hold her kid. You of all people should understand that." I said.

Rowan was leaning against the wall and I held my hand out. She gave me a tired but warm grin and slipped her hand in mine.

"You think she has a right to hold that baby?" Gemma snapped back at me with contrition. I pulled Rowan into my side wanting to feel her against me.

"As much of a right as I do. Look, Mom, I wasn't shooting crank, but I bailed on that kid, too. I'm making up for that now. She just wants the same chance." Gemma opened and closed her mouth to say something but thought better off it. She sighed deeply as she leaned her shoulder against the wall.

"Tara said Abel should be able to come home tomorrow." Rowan said with a smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes and I wondered why. I'm not gonna lie him coming home scares the shit out of me, but I'm actually excited to finally break him out of this joint. I leaned down and kissed Rowan on the lips, loving how her hand found its way to my chest.

"I was thinking we should throw a party. Abel coming homes a big deal." Gemma suggested making me remember she was still standing there. "Sounds fine to me."

"So anything new on Ope and Bobby?" Gemma asked. Rowan looked up at me expectantly. I sighed and shook my head. "No, nothing."

Right now things are looking shitty for Opie, but I know deep down in my bones Opie would never ever rat on his club. He knows the consequences. The price he'd have to pay. SAMCRO is his home away from Donna and the kids, he'd never do that to us. I don't give a shit what the hell it looks like. He wouldn't.

Or would he?

My minds been in a tail spin ever since I found out Opie's bills have been paid and now his entire family is at the Department of Justice Facility.

I'm not buying the bullshit Stahl's serving.

But Tig and Clay sure are, and that's what worries me most.

"I don't care what anybody says. Opie didn't rat." Gemma whispered, patting my arm.

"I know. Thanks, mom." I said, before heading home with Rowan.

- **SOA** -

There wasn't much more we could do until Opie came to us and told us straight up what the fuck was going on. So now we had to wait. I hated it. Rowan and I had gone home. I couldn't help but notice how uncharacteristically quiet she had been all evening and even at the hospital. I told her I was going to take a shower and lay down and she told me she'd join me in a bit, but I dozed off, until a bang in the kitchen startled me awake.

My eyes snapped open and my instincts kicked in as I reached for the handgun lying on the nightstand. I quickly looked over to Rowans side of the bed, only to find it empty. The blankets hadn't even been moved, which meant she never came to bed. I released my hand on the gun and stood up when I noticed the light flooding under the bedroom door from the kitchen. I glanced at the clock to see that it was a little after three in the morning…

I opened the door and crept down the hallway, trying to wake myself up. I paused at the living room and took in the mess. Rowan must have decided to unpack her stuff because her records were all over the floor along with a bunch of other crap. I continued into the kitchen and found her standing at the counter stirring something in a mixing bowl.

"Babe, what are you doing?" I asked. I joined her at the counter and that's when I noticed the tears in her eyes. This has happened a few times since her mom and the Kohn thing. One minute she's fine and the next it's like she loses herself for a minute. "Babe. Hey, look at me." I placed my hand over hers and she stopped and glanced at me and then down at the cookie dough in the bowl.

"I was unpacking the rest of the boxes in the living room so they'd be out of the way tomorrow for Abel's welcome home party and I came across some pictures of me and my mom baking and I wanted to make cookies for the party tomorrow, but I couldn't remember the recipe my mom used. So I called her cell phone thinking she'd actually answer it. It was stupid." She swallowed back the tears and looked at me. "She didn't answer. Because she's not there. She's dead. And I can't fucking remember a damn cookie recipe or categorize our CD's because we don't have the same taste in music!" She tossed her hands in the air and stepped away from me.

Rowan covered her face with her hands as sobs shook her shoulders. She slid down onto the floor and leaned against the kitchen cabinet. I sat down next to her and gripped her chin. "It's okay. You don't have to remember a cookie recipe or categorize our CD's." I assured her. This wasn't about that though. It was something else. I know her to well.

"I don't know if I can handle this, Jax." She whispered. My thumb caught a tear that rolled down her cheek. "What are you talking about? Do what?"

"All of it. This. Us. Being pregnant. I don't wanna wake up one day and be just another one of Jax Tellers ex's. There are so many different aspects to your world and your life, with the club and your past. I just don't know if this is where I belong." She whispered.

"You belong with me." I replied sternly, staring into her eyes. There was no doubt in my voice whatsoever, because I truly believed that. "Where is all this coming from?" I asked, tucking some hair behind her ear.

"If I weren't in the picture do you think you and Wendy would have a chance in hell of reconciling?" She asked, honestly. I shook my head. This wasn't like her. A day ago we were fine and in a good place and now she's saying all this shit. She must have noticed the confused look on my face because she went on. "Tara said something early that made me wondered if us being together is the best thing for Abel. I want to know- I need to know- that you didn't give up on Wendy because I came along. I grew up without my dad and I know how much that hurt, the pain and the ache I felt from him not being there. I don't want Abel to go through that with Wendy."

I clenched my jaw shut and leaned my head back against the cabinet. That fucking bitch. "Why would you listen to anything Tara fucking says? Don't listen to her, okay? She's pissed off that I didn't let her fuck her way back into my life so now she's trying to put a wedge between us." Rowan lowered her eyes at the change in my tone of voice. She must think I'm mad at her. I'm not. How the hell could I be mad at her. She's willing to fucking overlook her own happiness for my kid and what's best for him.

I slipped my hand onto the cheek and leaned my forehead against hers. "Wendy and I were over long before you came into the picture. Okay? You're the one I want in Abel's life. I want you to love him and spoil him and teach him things I can't. I want you to love him in ways that I struggle too." I slipped my hand down onto her stomach. "And I'll do the same for this baby."

She kissed me. Hard. My tongue slipped past her lips with ease as our bodies moved closer together. I was just getting into it when she pulled back to wipe the tears on her face away. "I'm sorry. You have to think I'm insane. My emotions are everywhere since this little peanut started growing inside of me." She half laughed half cried holding her stomach. I smiled and kissed her once more.

"Insane. No. Neurotic. Yes." I smirked and she smiled at me. "But I wouldn't have you any other way." I reached up above our heads and lifted the bowl of cookie dough down and sat it on our lap. It looked like some kind of pumpkin cookie mix, but I couldn't be sure. I dipped my finger in it and licked it off. I held back a gag. "That's awful. What the hell did you do to it?"

Rowan laughed then, like really laughed. "I told you I forgot the special ingredients my mom used. It's supposed to be pumpkin spice cookies."

"That tastes like ass." I laughed. I put more dough on my finger and held it out for her to taste but she pushed my hand away and laughed. I decided to rub it on her cheek anyway despite her best efforts to fend me off.

She giggled and took a handful and smeared it on my bare chest in retaliation. She paused biting her goddam lip and stared at me, gauging my reaction as I stated down at myself. "You're dead. This is war."

At that point cookie dough went flying all over us. I ended up on top of her on the floor covered in cookie dough and flour that she'd grabbed off the counter. The kitchen looked like a bomb went off in it. She was laughing as I straddled her pinning her arms above her head with one hand. Her face was covered in flour and bits of cookie dough and she couldn't have looked sexier. I was hard just looking at her and feeling her beneath me. "I surrender." She laughed out. I leaned down and kissed her on the lips with every intention of fucking her on the floor.

My free hand grasped her breast before sliding up to cradle her face. She moaned against my lips and I couldn't help but find myself falling deeper in love with her than I already was.

 **A/N: Hey guys! I'm sorry this chapter took FOREVER to get written and posted! Thanks for hanging in there! October turned out to be a busy month for me which left me zero time to write! A lovely reader Alexa Mae created a fan video for Rowan and Jax and its absolutely perfect! You can find the link to It in Rowans Instagram account bio. Her Instagram is: collins_rowan btw! I can't believe 70 of you follow that account! You guys rock!**

 **As always I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Let me know what ya think?**


	74. Chapter 74: Sleepless Nights

Chapter 74

Jax's Point of View

The clock read 5:40am; I couldn't sleep. I quietly lit another cigarette as Rowan lied curled against my side. I loved when we had sex before going to bed, it meant she slept naked, which meant she stayed close to me because she was cold. I pressed my lips against her forehead gently and grazed my fingertips up and down her bare back soothingly. After Rowan and I destroyed the kitchen and had sex on the kitchen floor I carried her to bed and couldn't resist taking her again. She fell asleep not long after, but my mind wouldn't shut off.

Since this shit with Opie started everything has felt sort of off kilter. I have this pit in my gut that keeps growing with each passing second and I don't know why.

Opie would never rat. That's a fact. I know that, but the way Clay and Tig were so quick to jump to conclusions had me on guard. If they thought for a second Opie ratted Bobby out on this Hefner bullshit, there would be no hesitation when it came time to put a bullet in his head. And I'd be the one that would have to do it.

I sighed deeply as Rowan stirred in her sleep. Her arm flinched as she turned her head into my neck more. I could feel her trembling in her sleep against me. Her night terrors came and went since Kohn and her mother passed. I held her closer against me and kissed her forehead again, letting my lips linger against her skin.

She snapped herself awake with gasp. "It's okay. You were having a nightmare." I assured her. She looked up at me and took a few deep breaths. I rubbed her shoulder. Her hand slid up my chest until it found the side of my neck. "Did I wake you up?"

"No. I was already awake." I stubbed out my cigarette in the ashtray on the nightstand before taking her hand in my own.

Rowan looked up at me through the darkness. "Can't you sleep?" She asked, groggily. If she closed her eyes she'd be asleep again in no time.

"I'm just thinking that's all. Nothing for you to worry about, I promise." I leaned down and placed my lips on hers, sliding my hand up her back and into her hair. I let my fingers tangle in it as I pulled back.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?" She asked, concerned. A cocky grin tugged at my lips. She scoffed. "Not that!" She smirked.

I chuckled and pulled her close. "You're already doing it, babe."

She let out a little sigh, not happy with my answer but accepted it and snuggled herself into my side more. God it felt so damn good to have her naked body lying against mine. It was all I could do not to pin her to the bed. I had to keep redirecting my thoughts so all the blood in my body didn't fly south.

"Are you excited for Abel to come home?" She asked, glancing up at me with a smile. I could tell she was excited. All in all, so was I. "Yeah, I am. I'm glad we'll finally all be together under one roof. You. Me. The kid. And the peanut."

Rowan giggled. Until we know what the baby is I'm just going to call it peanut. "Peanut Teller, it has a nice ring to it!" She joked. I chuckled. "Although we should probably keep our options open when it comes to names, because we still don't know what it could be."

"Oh it's a big. Abel needs a brother." I assured her. I could feel her smirk against my chest.

"I like the name Jensen for a boy." She whispered.

"Jensen Thomas Teller." I added. "Thomas, in memory of my brother."

Rowan placed her hand on my cheek and looked up at me. I guided her fingers over to my lips and kissed them one by one across her knuckles. "I love that name. It's perfect. I actually made a doctors appointment to see how far along I am for the day after tomorrow. I was wondering, well, I was hoping that maybe you could come with me? I know you have a lot going on with the club and Opie, but-"

"I'll be there,"I cut her off quickly. "Give me a time and place and I'll be there."

"Really?"

"Of course. I told you, I'm gonna be there for it all. I promise. I was never apart of Wendy's pregnancy with Abel, partly because I was stupid and didn't show up and partly because she didn't want me there. But I wanna be there for you and this baby. Every time."

"Okay then." She smiled as she rested her head on my shoulder and chest.

We lied there in silence for a while, just holding onto to each other. It was about daybreak now. I could tell by the way the bedroom had a grey overcast shining through it. My hand rested on Rowans thigh beneath the covers. Every so often I'd graze my thumb up and down. I thought she'd dozed back off until she said my name. "Jax…"

"Hmm." I mumbled against her head.

"Do you think we could get another lock for the front and back door?" She asked, looking up at me. I sat up slightly causing her to roll onto her back. I turned on my side to face her, sharing the pillow. She turned her head to look at me, all but causing our noses to touch.

I held her cheek in my hand. "It's just with everything that's happened I would feel better with another lock. I mean I'll probably be here with Abel alone and I just think it would be a good idea. Plus Kohn's brother is here snooping around." She went on. I knew why she wanted it and she had every valid reason to want to feel safe.

"I'll pick two up tomorrow, for the front and back door. It's not a problem."

She nodded and sighed, relieved. "Thank you."

"I'm not gonna let anything happen to you or this baby or Abel. I can promise you that. There's no safer place for you than right here with me." I tucked some hair behind her ear as she pressed her lips against mine.

I cradled her cheek in my hand and kissed her again. Her mouth fused with mine. Slowly, my hand glided down her neck and across her collarbone and back again. I rose up on my elbow and pulled her closer to me. She moaned into my mouth as my hand found her breast. My other hand roamed up her back and rested at the nape of her neck.

I kissed her cheek and moved painfully slow towards her earlobe and bit it. Her fingernails raked down my arm as her hips bucked against me. "I'll always protect you." I whispered against her neck before planting a kiss on it. I sucked and nipped at the tender flesh until she whimpered. "Jax that hurts…-" I raked my teeth over her pulse point lightly. "Shh… I'm giving you a hickey." I sucked the skin into my mouth hard and then harder. I was leaving him mark on her.

Rowan moaned out in pain mixed with pleasure. Her hands twisted in the back of my hair. Once I was satisfied I'd left my mark on her neck I moved down to her breast. I took it in my mouth, sucking and nipping at her nipple. "Jax!" She said breathless, trying to push my head down where she wanted me most. I wasn't done. I kissed across to the other breast and took it in my mouth, paying homage to it as well. I could feel her squirming with pleasure as her fingers dug into my back.

As I continued to leave a hickey on her breast I let my hand fall between her legs and play with her clit. The pad of my thumb rubbed quick small circles over it sending her teetering over the edge. I kissed my way back up to her lips. She cradled my face in her hands and kissed me without restraint. She licked the sweat off the side of my neck and bit my earlobe. "I love you…" She whispered breathlessly against my ear.

I smirked as her head fell back against the pillow in pleasure. I stopped massaging her clit and slid my fingers down the sides of her lips feeling how fucking wet she was. I kissed her ear and breathed raggedly, ready to combust. "You're so goddamn beautiful." I whispered against her ear. She moaned as my fingers just barely ran over where she wanted me. Her hips bucked trying to find my fingers. "Jax, I swear to god if you don't…"

I smirked, enjoying torturing her this way. My dick was so hard pressed against the side of her thigh. "Jax please…" She begged as I teased a finger in and out of her.

"What do you want, babe? You want my hand? My mouth? Or my dick?" I whispered huskily against her ear. A shudder ran through her body as she turned her head away from me, losing her mind just a little bit. I nipped at her chin. "Tell me what you want…" I bit her lip and pulled it between my teeth as she let short quick breaths escape.

"Oh my god… All of it. I want all of it." She confessed. I smirked against her lips before slipping a second finger inside of her. I teased it in and out slowly and then slipped a third inside. It took three strokes to send her into another world. A warmth covered my fingers as she came.

I didn't even give her time to recover from that before I started kissing down between her breasts. I paused at her stomach and kissed it gently before looking up at her. She was high and dazed, but had a satisfied grin plastered on her lips. I kissed her stomach again. "You better hide your eyes buddy, because daddy's about to do some very naughty things to mommy…"

SOA

The sound of my cell going off pulled me into conciseness. I opened my eyes and noticed Rowan wasn't in bed beside me. What the fuck? This was twice I woke up and she wasn't in bed with me. That's when I heard the water running in the bathroom and my cell going off, again. I fumbled grabbing it off the nightstand and answered it. "Hello?"

"Hey, man." Opie said. "I'm home, I wanna come to the club and explain what the fucks been going on, but I don't wanna show up unless Clay is ready to hear me out. I'm sure he's pissed."

"Ya think? Give me thirty minutes to get up and head over there."

"Alright, man." Opie hung up and then so did I.

I got up and pulled on my boxers and knocked on the bathroom door. "Hey, Ro. You okay?" The water shut off in the sink.

"Don't come in here…" She called back. She sounded like something was wrong. I tried the door, but it was locked.

"Babe, let me in."

"It's not pretty in here. You don't need to see this." She called back again. I rolled my eyes and tried the door again. "Open the door, darling."

The door unlocked and I opened it to find her sitting on the floor in my t shirt beside the toilet. She looked pale and sweaty and all around miserable. I felt helpless. I didn't know what the hell was going on. "I told you it wasn't pretty." She no sooner got the words out before she had to lean over the toilet and puke.

She told me she was feeling a little nauseated from the pregnancy, but I didn't think all this was happening. I knelt down beside her and pulled her hair away from her face while she emptied the contents of her stomach into the toilet. Once she was done I got her a warm washcloth and wiped her forehead and mouth.

I sat down behind her. She moved between my legs and rested her head against my chest. I held her close. "Should I take you to the hospital?"

She half laughed against my chest. "No, it's just morning sickness from the pregnancy. I'll be fine."

"So you'll be better in the afternoon?" I asked, still utterly confused. I just wanted her to feel better. "That's why it's called morning sickness, right? It only happens in the morning." Hell of a way to wake up.

"That's not quite how it works. Sometimes morning sickness can last the entire duration of a pregnancy and sometimes it goes away. It just depends." She clutched my shirt and tried to control her breathing to keep herself from hurling again.

I can't imagine her having to go through this for nine fucking months.

I rubbed her back gently and just held her until she sat up on her own. "I'm fine, really. Who called?"

"It was Opie. He's ready to come in and tell us what happened. I gotta go meet Clay."

"You should go." She encouraged.

"Come on, let's get you back in bed." I said. I got up and waited for her to brush her teeth then helped her walk back to bed despite her protests that she was fine. "Jax, I'm okay. This is normal. I promise." She tried to get up, but I wouldn't let her. "Your mom is coming over to set up for Abel's party. I have to clean up the mess we made in the kitchen and the living room."

"Screw it. My mom can do it. I want you to rest." I said getting up. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a Coke out of the fridge and grabbed a pack of peanut butter crackers out of the cupboard and took them back in the bedroom.

"This will help your stomach, or it should, I don't really know." I sat down next to her on the bed and watched her take a sip of the soda. "Thank you." She smiled weakly. She still looked pale and clammy. I didn't like seeing her like this, because there was nothing I could do to help her. I couldn't make her feel better. I never saw Wendy go through this.

"Jax, I'm fine." She reassured me. She placed her hand on my cheek.

"You don't look fine." I shot back. "I don't like seeing you like this." I was unable to hide the crack in my voice.

She shook her head and smiled, she leaned in and kissed my cheeked. "I love you, but seriously, I'm okay. Now go!" She brushed her nose against mine and smirked.


	75. Chapter 75: Made Of Flesh & Bone

**Chapter 75**

 **Jax's Point of View**

It was a relief to see Opie walk out of his house when I arrived there this morning. He looked tired as he met me on the lawn. I hugged him and patted his shoulder. "Gonna make this right, bro." I assured him. Clay assured me Opie would get the chance to tell his side of what happened. It would be a safe room. Part of me believed him, the other part of me remained skeptical. Tig was glued to Clay this morning like he was a dog and Clay was his bone.

"Yeah." Opie nodded his head. "Look, you were trying to push me off this thing that happened. I know you were just trying to watch my back."

I nodded and headed back towards my bike. "Come on, they're all waitin'. Let's get this shit taken care of so I can go pick up my kid."

"Abel's coming home today?" Opie asked, grinning. I got on my bike and put my helmet on. "I gotta head to the hospital in a bit and sign the release papers."

- **SOA** -

Opie and I both tossed our phones inside the box outside of the room and went in. It was mandatory. Clay's paranoid bullshit. But I understood. The guys were already seated at the table when we arrived. Everyone welcomed Opie back with open arms. Piney got up and hugged his son, before they both sat down next to each other. I couldn't help but notice Tig was the only one missing. His seat remained empty.

"Where's Tig?" I asked, taking my seat near the head of the table next to Clay. He barely looked at me and said, "He'll be here in a minute."

I lit up a cigarette and rested my elbows on the table letting out a pent up sigh.

Clay stubbed out his cigar and leaned back in his seat. He fixed his gaze on Opie. "I appreciate you coming in, Ope. It says a lot."

"It says he's not a rat." Piney shot out gruffly, defending his son. Deacon patted him on the shoulder, trying to keep his old friend under control.

Fat chance of that.

"I got one member in jail, and another in a Wit Pro facility. You can understand my worry." Clay said, with a grimace.

"Yeah, I know how this looks, what Stahl's done. She set me up to look like a rat. It's all a lie. She threatened me with my own club." Opie began to explain. He lit a cigarette and took a long pull from it. He shook his head. "I don't know who the hell the witness is, but it sure as shit ain't me. She tried to turn Donna against me. Offered her that whole Wit Pro bull shit dream. But she turned it down. She could have walked away. Donna trusted me and the club; that if I came in here and had the chance to tell you guys the truth that I could make this right."

The door creaked open as Tig slipped inside and took a seat. I eyed him suspiciously, wondering where the fuck he's been for the last fifteen minutes. This is all he's been worried about since yesterday and he's conveniently not around.

"Getting squeezed made me realize that I can't do this with one foot out the door. I'm here. I'm in. No more doubt. No more mistakes." Opie said sternly. I nodded my head. I knew Opie wasn't the kind of man that would turn his back on his club. On his brothers. Hell, on me even.

This was all Stahl. Just like I suspected.

"You're a good man, Ope." Clay said, considering what he'd just heard come out of Ope's mouth.

"Am I good with you, Clay? The MC?" Opie asked, stubbing his cigarette out in the ashtray. He never broke away from Clay's unnerving gaze.

Everyone at the table turned to look at Clay. He was quiet for a moment. He drummed his fingers on the table top. "Yeah, we're good." He nodded. The gavel came down on the tabletop twice.

This matter was settled, and could now be put behind us.

A hint of a smile fell upon Ope's face as he got slapped on the back and congratulated. Juice wrapped his knuckles on the table. Piney and Opie stood up and exchanged a hug. "I'm proud of you, son." I got up and worked my way around the table and slapped him on the shoulder. "See, it's all good, bro."

I found myself wondering though, was it really all good? Was Clay going to take Opie's word? He had no reason not to.

Piney led us all back out into the main room and grabbed us all a round of beers. It wasn't even half past ten, but I took it anyway. Conversation flowed around me as I leaned against the bar watching the door to the church room. Clay, Deacon and Tig hadn't come out to join the party yet. I took a long pull off my beer and then sat it on the bar behind me.

A few minutes later Deacon stormed out of the room and headed for the stairs. He looked pissed. I found myself following him up the stairs. "Deacon, what's up?"

He paused at the door to his room and shook his head. "Nothing, why?"

"I don't know you seem like someone pissed in your cornflakes. This about Opie? You don't believe him or something?" I challenged him walking closer.

Deacon had always been hard to read, and right now was no exception.

He ran a hand down the side of his face and gave me a cold look. His jaw was set and I watched him crack his knuckles. He looked like he was having an inner conflict with himself. "Opie is a good man. _I'm_ taking him at his word."

He opened the door to his room and walked inside and shut it, leaving me standing in the hallway, with the echo of his words lingering in the back of my mind.

- **SOA** -

"The doctors said he'd be ready to leave by three. So you and Gemma should meet me there around then." I told Rowan over the phone. I'd just went over to the hospital and signed his release papers. Thankfully, I didn't have to deal with Tara. If I had I wouldn't have been able to bite my tongue about her meddling into my relationship with Rowan.

I internally laughed thinking about it. Tara hated when my mother did that very same thing when we were dating, now here she is following in her footsteps.

"Okay! I'll let your mom know. Im really excited that he gets to come home to today!" Rowan gushed, causing me to smile. "Everything is set here for his welcome home party. We'll see you in a bit. How did things go with Opie?"

"Things are settled… For now." I replied, a little uncertain. Something still wasn't sitting right with me, but I was trying to get over my own paranoia.

"Listen, I gotta go handle a few more things. But we'll talk later. Or not talk, if you know what I mean." I smirked. I downed a shot of vodka that was sitting on the pool table and sat it back down.

"Shut up." Rowan laughed before hanging up the phone.

Clay had called another meeting when I got back from the hospital. I went in and took a seat beside him at the head of the table. Everyone else was already settled in and waiting.

"Our retainer with Rosen's good for one more week, but if this thing with Bobby goes to trial, we're gonna have to pony up some serious up-front cash." Clay started out saying.

"We have every dime in the warehouse rebuild." Juice pointed out. As if we didn't already know that.

"I know. I talked to Alvarez. The Mayans want guns. They want them right away." Clay said. He leaned back in his seat and sighed, glancing around the table.

"We ain't got nothing to sell. Irish don't start shipping till next month." Deacon argued, I could sense the tension between him and Clay just by the way they were staring each other down.

"We pull our security surplus. We sell 'em those." Clay challenged.

"Wait a minute. I thought we didn't sell that surplus." Chibs questioned, confused.

"We don't." I interjected quickly. If we sell our personal stock it leaves is defenseless. Clay knows that. He's many things, but stupid isn't one of them. At least that's what I used to think.

"We sell 'em those guns. It's a goodwill gesture. Mayans turn around, place a big order. They give us half the cash in advance." Clay said. He was talking as if the damn deal was already done and underway.

"Leaves us nothing to protect the club." I glared at him.

Clay tossed his hands in the air and sighed. "I'm out of ideas here, Jax. If we don't jump on this deal, we lose it. I'm just trying to help Bobby here."

"I get that, but ATF are still camped out in Unser's office.

You really want to take that risk?" I know we're trying to help Bobby, but this is a fucking terrible idea.

"We can do this smart. We set up two locations in Oakland, right? We pick up the money from one, we drop off the guns at the other. This way even if the feds are watching us, they never see money for guns." Clay said. Clearly he had all of this worked out in his mind already.

Why would the feds still be trailing us?" Ope asked. He glanced at me as I lit up a cigarette.

"Maybe they're pissed off 'cause you didn't turn. Who the hell knows." Clay shrugged. "You and Tig pick up the money. Me and Jax drop off the guns."

"I'll go with Ope and Tig." Piney chimed in at the end of the table. Old man was smoking a cigarette with a damn oxygen tank sitting right next to him. I shook my head and flicked some of my ashes into the ashtray on the table.

"Fewer the better. Why don't you and Deacon just go up to the warehouse, let me know how that's going." Clay glanced at Piney as he stood up abruptly. "That's a bullshit errand. I got better shit to go do." He growled back. Deacon rose slowly from his seat as Piney stormed out of the room.

"Looks like your on warehouse duty, Deacon." Clay smirked. Deacon glared at Clay with a look I'd never seen before. There something brewing between them that was for sure. "Whatever you say, President." Deacon saluted Clay and walked out of the room, shaking his head the entire way.

"You wanna tell me what that was about?" My eyebrows rose as I turned to look at Clay. He shook his head blowing it off.

 **Rowans Point of View**

After Jax left to head to the club I pushed through feeling nauseated and took a shower and got dressed. I'd have to ask the doctor about any nausea medicine when I went to my doctors appointment. Jax was so out of his element seeing me puking my guts out this morning. Oh how attractive that must have looked. I wouldn't have blamed him if he just backed away slowly and closed the door.

But he didn't.

He was sweet and it made my heart swell with even more love for him. If that's even possible.

I mean here you have a biker helping me get through morning sickness. It was an odd thing, incredibly sweet, but odd. It was totally not his cup of tea, but he tried his best to comfort me and that's more than I could have asked for.

I quickly cleaned the kitchen up and straightened up the living room. I'd no sooner got done doing that and Gemma barged through the front door carrying food and decorations for Abel's welcome home party.

Gemma had bought a few different meat and cheese platters and chips and different snacks for tonight. After we put those away, we set out to decorate the living room.

I was putting up blue streamers while Gemma hung up a 'Welcome Home Abel' sign. "You mind giving me a hand?" Gemma said, gesturing towards the end of the sign that was still dangling on the floor.

I grabbed it and stepped up onto the couch to hold it in its place. "You be careful standing on that damn sofa. I don't want anything happening to my other grand baby!" Gemma chastised. I laughed. "Or you…" She finished.

"I'm fine! I wouldn't let anything happen to this baby. Ever. It's weird, I haven't even met this tiny human yet and I already feel so much love for it. How is that possible?." I told her.

"That's what motherhood is." Gemma finished taping her side of the sign up and then moved over to my side and handed me some tape.

I couldn't help think that Wendy should be here for this too. Not because I shouldn't be, but because even after everything Abel is still her son too, she should get to experience all of this.

I realize now in the light of day that I shouldn't have questioned my place here. My pregnancy hormones let me take Tara's little dig yesterday to heart. If Jax didn't want me here, I have no doubt that I wouldn't be.

I finished taping my side of the sign up and stepped off the couch to take a look at it. My hand rested on my stomach involuntarily. I glanced down at it and then up at Gemma. "Can I ask you something?"

"You can ask, doesn't mean I have to answer." She shot back. "What's on your mind?"

"How do you handle being an old lady? The women and the violence? How do you and Clay make it work?" I questioned. I continued hanging up decorations above the fireplace.

"Well, you handle the women by showing them that your man has all the pussy he needs. Don't be afraid to put a bitch in her place, if ya catch my drift. Do it once or twice and the others pick up on it." Gemma said, giving me a look. "The violence, is unavoidable. But it's Jaxs' and Clays' job to make sure that violence never reaches home. As far as Clay and I; we have an understanding; a mutual trust and understanding. He knows I love him and my pussy belongs to him and I know he loves me. At the end of the day that's all that matters."

I nodded my head at her profound advice. "Trust, sweetheart. That's what will get you through." Gemma added, sensing I needed more clarification. I nodded my head slightly and have her a smile. Then I had to run to the bathroom and pee.

Apparently this baby is already effecting my bladder.

I thought about what Gemma had said though. I trusted Jax. I'd played right into Tara's hand when I got upset over what she'd said. She got what she wanted. That wouldn't happen again. I'm not that insecure. Jax is mine. He's not hers. And she is not worth getting insecure over. None of the women at the club are really.

 **A/N: Sorry this has taken such a long time. I'm also sorry this may seem like a filler chapter too. It kinda is. I'm just setting things up for the next chapter.**

 **I wanted to address something that a guest reviewer brought to my attention.**

 **Rowan is her own character. She's not Tara. She's her own person and she's going to make mistakes. She's also 22 years old, she is going to seem naïve at times, especially since she didn't grow up in the life, ya know? This SAMCRO world is still new to her and in many ways she is still trying to decide if this is what she wants. Tara struggled with this as well on the show and ultimately left Jax in the end.**

 **Jax was more tender with Tara in the earlier seasons of the show, when they were alone. When Rowan and Jax are alone I like to play off that softer side that we didn't get to see much of, because I believe Jax would have been that way. Plus, he can't be an asshole and just want sex all the time. That's not very interesting to read, nor does it make Rowan a strong character to stay with him if he treats her badly, right?**

 **I do want to reassure you that Rowan will become more aggressive and outspoken in the upcoming chapters. Especially when Abel gets kidnapped. That is when you will really see her become an Old Lady. That is her ultimate turning point.**

 **Thank you to everyone who has read/followed/favorited/reviewed this story! You are amazing readers and if I could hug you all I would!**

 **Follow Rowan on Instagram at: rowan_collins for pictures and an easier way to find out when I'm updating!**

 **More chapters will be posted in the coming days! Stay tuned and have a wonderful thanksgiving!**


	76. Chapter 76: Conversations

**Chapter 76**

 **Jax's Point of View**

I stepped up onto my bed and pushed the wooden panel on the wall in so it would release and handed the piece back to Opie behind me. We had guns stashed all over this clubhouse, but most were hidden in the cut outs we made in the dormers. After waiting for Opie to unzip the duffle bags and lie them on the bed I started handing him AK's to pack up.

This was a such a colossal mistake. Selling our surplus leaves us weak and vulnerable. Clay knows this. But his heads to far up his own ass to hear anything else.

"You think this a bad idea." Opie asked, sensing my annoyance and anger.

"Yeah, I do." I handed him another AK. He took it and slipped into the duffle.

"Clay made the deal with the Mayans to make sure the war didn't reach Charming." Opie reminded me. I handed him another gun and turned to face him slightly. "It's bigger than that, man."

"What?" Opie arched his eyebrow at me, confused. I shook my head and pulled another AK out of the cutout. Opie just got clear of all this shit and stepped back into the club all the way. I didn't really want to get into a argument over Clay's orders. "Let's just get this done."

"Hang on, man. If you think I'm walking into something a little heads up would be nice." Ope paused taking the gun out of my hand for a moment. I hopped off the bed and sat down on the edge of it. "Look at the last few months, man. Our warehouse gets blown up. Mayans try to kill Clay. Bobby's in jail. We got ATF trying to stick RICO up our ass. How much longer you think this club's got, Ope?"

He stared down at the guns in the duffle bags considering my words before meeting my gaze. He knew what I was saying. I shook my head. "We're better than this, man. My old man saw the nightmare coming. He was smart, Ope, way smarter than me. He had ideas about where to take the club. You know? Legitimate ways to earn. He knew that SAMCRO has got to change to survive."

Opie sat down on the bed and rested his elbows on his knees. He scoffed. "Clay'll never walk away from running guns."

"I know. He's made that very clear." I got back up on the bed and and pulled another AK out of the wall and handed it to Ope.

"A few more years He won't be able to turn the throttle, and you'll be number one." He said. Yeah, what the hell are we gonna do then? All my life I've wanted nothing more than a Harley and a cut, but with the direction Clay has this club going there might not be a club for me to even reign over when Clay bows out.

We all know he won't bow down gracefully either.

"And Bobby and Tig? Pushing them in a new direction? Jesus Christ. Two immovable objects." I shot out sarcastically.

"Irresistible force. It could happen." Ope seemed convinced. He was always the more optimistic out of the two of us.

I was handing Opie the last AK out of the wall when a knock at the door broke up our conversation. I glanced up to see Rowan standing in the doorway. She smiled. "Am I interrupting your little bromance in here?"

"Funny. Not at all." I smiled back as she walked into the room a little ways.

"Hey, Ope. Donna's actually downstairs. She's looking for you." Rowan said, pointing a thumb over her shoulder. Her eyes scanned over the duffle bag of guns as Opie zipped it closed. She seemed completely unfazed by it, more curious than anything, which really didn't surprise me.

"Alright, thanks." Opie smiled over his shoulder at her.

"Probably best not to greet her with two bags of guns." I laughed stepping off the bed. Opie chuckled as he headed out of my room giving Rowan's shoulder a squeeze as he walked past her.

I slipped my arms around Rowan's waist and pulled her into my chest as I kissed her on the lips. "Hi to you too." She smirked, wrapping her arms around my neck gently.

"What are you doing here? Shit. Am I late for Abel?" I checked my watch quickly as she shook her head. "No, you're not late. It's only like one right now. I'm actually looking for Deacon. The construction workers over at Navy Street have been trying to get ahold of him. Apparently he gave them my number as a contact if something went wrong. They busted a waterline. I was hoping you might know where I can find him because he wasn't in the garage or downstairs. I just wanted to let him know."

I'd almost forgotten about Deacon renovating that old building of his into a gym. Rowan told me Deacon wanted her to help run the place once it was up and established. I thought it was a great idea. "He's not here. Clay sent him up to the warehouse to check on the progress of the rebuild. He didn't seem to fucking happy about it either."

She nodded her head and sighed.

I tucked some hair behind her ear and stared down at her. I wasn't sure about seeing her with short hair, but I gotta admit that she looks sexy as hell since she chopped it all off. I just wish she would have done it under different circumstances. Not because of Kohn.

I leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips, letting my hand on her back slide down onto her ass and squeezed it.

"Jax!" She laughed against my mouth, smacking my chest playfully. I pulled back with a smirk on my face and then rested my forehead against hers, placing my hand on her stomach. "Are you feeling better?" I still couldn't believe I had another kid on the way.

I could feel her stomach rise and fall with each breath she took. For a split second I hoped she'd have a girl, just like her. "I'm still nauseated, but I'm okay." She promised me, placing a hand on my cheek tenderly. "Stop worrying so much." Her eyes landed on the duffle bags on the bed behind me and then found mine again. Now it's her turn to worry…

"Are you getting ready to do something dangerous?" She questioned, cautiously. "Should I be worried? That's a lot of fire power you've got tucked away back there. What's going on?"

I shook my head and took her face in my hands, tilting her head up so she was looking at me. Her eyes searched mine for an answer. "It's just business. It's nothing for you to worry about, I promise."

She nodded slowly, still a little unsure. "You'd tell me if I needed to worry, right?"

"Yes, I'd tell you." Only if I absolutely had to make you worry I would. I pressed my mouth to hers to keep her mind from running rampant. She would worry regardless of what I said, it's just who she is. I'd worry about her and the baby and she'd worry about what kinda illegal bullshit I'd be getting myself into. Those were our respective roles.

She accepted this is what I do.

The least I can do is try and reassure her.

Her fingers intertwined in my hair as I deepened the kiss. My tongue grazed against her lip, and she smirked as she tore herself away from me. "Nope. You are not pulling me in. I have to go pick up my check from the diner and talk to my boss about how long I'm off for." I pulled her hips into me so she could feel just how much torture I was in just from kissing her and slowly backed us up towards the bed. "Plus, your mom has me picking up more food for tonight!" She protested in between me kissing her.

"Come on… I've got a few minutes before I need to head out. Just a quickie…I want you... I need you…" I murmured against her lips between taking over her mouth, tugging on the buttons to her plaid shirt. She shook her head laughing as I continued to practically beg her to have sex with me.

Just when I thought I had her convinced she tore herself away from me. I was holding onto her hands as she laughed and continued to pull back slowly. "No! Nope! Not happening. I am not letting you distract me Teller! Abel's coming home! There's lots to do."

"You're cruel, you know that?" I said. She smiled and let go of my hands slowly backing away, towards the door. She paused in the doorway for a second biting her lip.

The small act made my dick throb in my jeans.

Rowan quickly made her way back to me and placed her hands on my chest as she stood on her tiptoes to kiss me one last time. "You can distract me later, if you're interested?"

"Hell fucking yes." Her lips pressed against mine once more. I watched her glance at the duffle bag full of guns again. She cupped my face in her hands gently. "I know you said I don't need to worry, but just be careful. Okay? Whatever it is you have to do, just make sure you come home. Preferably in one piece."

"Always." I said, and then watched her stroll out of the room. God, I'm so fucking lucky.

- **SOA** -

Franny, my boss at the diner was a sweet older crotchety woman. She knew about my mothers situation and offered to give me off as much time as I needed after her passing. Frankly, I didn't know how much time I would need to heal after my mother passed away. You can't really put a time limit on something like that. It doesn't just last a day or a week. It lasts forever.

I knew I couldn't not work for the rest of my life, so I told Franny that I needed a month off. I wanted that time to spend with Jax, Abel and Deacon.

Gemma had texted me a list of things to pick up that she 'forgot' while I was meeting with Franny. I'd pretty much checked off every item she'd requested. More balloons. Check. More chip's. Check. Paper towels, paper plates and paper cups. Check, check and check.

I decided to stop in at Nikki's Corner Café before heading back to the house and treat myself to a warm lemon green tea. I was hoping it would help settle my stomach. As I was standing in line waiting to place my order with the barista I glanced around me. I spotted Wendy sitting at a table by the big front windows perusing the newspaper with a coffee in her hand.

After I placed my order and got my tea I was about to head out when I found myself walking over to her table. I paused midway to her table and stalled. I wondered if she knew Abel was coming home tonight. Had Jax told her? Had he invited her? Did he not want her there? I thought about calling him or texting him, but knew he had bigger things on his mind at the moment. Like AK sized things…

Wendy should be there tonight. It's as simple as that.

"Rowan?" I looked up from my cup of tea and locked eyes with Wendy. She gestured me over.

"You know my name. I thought from here on out you'd just refer to me as the prom queen." I smirked. Wendy gestured for me to sit down, so I took a seat across from her.

"Is that what you'd prefer? Because I'm fine with either." She chuckled and stared at me. I wondered what she thought of me and Jax.

"Rowan's just fine." I assured her with a smile. "Have been to see Abel today?"

"I've been there all morning! I wanted to get in as much time with him as I can before I have to check into my halfway house and get a job." She tapped the paper lying open on the table. "That's what I'm doing now. Job hunting. Don't know how many places will wanna hire a reviving junkie. We aren't very reliable or so I've heard." She gave me a wry grin.

"I'm sure someone will take a chance on you. You're doing really well and it shows." I sipped my tea. "Abel is coming home tonight! There's a welcome home party at Jax's tonight. You should come. Spend some more time with him." I offered hesitantly. I didn't want to overstep my bounds by inviting her tonight, but she carried him for nine months, she bonded with him. She watched him go through hell to fight to stay alive. She should get the chance to see him home.

"I'm not sure mother Gemma would approve of that." Wendy sighed, picking at the styrofoam on her coffee cup.

"I'll handle Gemma. Don't worry about it. If you want to stop by, you should. I just thought I'd throw the invitation out there." Wendy studied me, almost curiously. For a few moments no words passed between us. There were so many things I wanted to ask her and so many things I wanted to say to her. I didn't want her to find out I was pregnant from anyone else but me or Jax, but I didn't think she was ready for that bombshell. I wasn't ready for that one.

"Look, I know this has to be awkward for you because it's awkward for me. I don't want to overstep my bounds by saying this, but I love Jax and I love Abel. So much. That little boy is…everything. I fell in love with him the moment I saw him. He has Jax's nose and angry facial expressions." I laughed a little as Wendy smiled. "This is all new to me. I don't know how we navigate through this and play these roles yet, but I would never try to replace you or anything like that whatsoever. I just wanted you to know that."

Wendy nodded and glanced out the window and watched the traffic flow up and down Main Street. Her eyes brimmed with tears as she looked at me after a long while. Or what seemed like a long while. "Jax knows I'm not seeking custody. That little boy is better off with him than he'd ever be with me. I can't…be his mother. Not right now. Maybe not ever. I don't know if motherhood is even in the cards for me at this point. I've accepted that after what I've done to him. If I can't be there, then I'm glad Abel will have you. Jax trusts you, so I trust you. I trust you with my son." She nodded her head, looking me dead in the eye.

I nodded my head. "Thank you, Wendy."

"Thank you, too." She said. My phone buzzed in my pocket causing me to pull it out. It was a text from Gemma wondering where I was. "Well, I better get going." I stood up, collecting my tea. "I'll see you tonight." I patted her hand as she nodded and smiled.

I headed outside and made my way to my car. I felt someone tap me on my shoulder just as I reached for the door handle and flinched as I whirled around dropping my cup of tea in the process, the brown liquid spread over my shoes. "I didn't meant to startle you." Agent Joshua Kohn's steel eyes met mine. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest as I stood there and watched him bend down and pick up my cup and lid.

I opened my car door to put some space between us.

"I'm agent Kohn. I'm with FBI." He introduced himself.

"I know who you are. What do you want?" I cut straight to the chase.

"I wanted to ask you a few questions about my brother Jerry. He is your landlord. It seems he was assisting my colleague Agent Stahl with her investigation into the Sons of Anarchy. Now he's gone missing. I was just wondering when the last time you spoke to him was. I'm trying to put together a timeline. He was supposed to be back in Chicago, but never made it on the plane."

I kept my face neutral and shrugged. As far as this dick know I'm just a renter. "I called him a few weeks back and we discussed the rent being late. Which you already know since I'm sure you've checked phone records. That's the last I've heard from him." I gripped the top of my car door as Kohn nodded. He removed his black sunglasses and stared at me just like Jerry did. Like he was trying to see what was under all the clothes.

Creep runs in the family.

"Are we done here?" I asked as I felt my hands shaking holding the door.

"We would be. But I asked around and a few people say you and my brother were pretty smitten at the FunTown Carnival about a month ago. Riding the Ferris wheel. Perhaps there's more to your story than your letting on here, Miss Collins." He said. I felt bile work it's way up into the back of my throat. I wanted to get in the car and drive away, but instead I slammed the door shut to my car and stepped forward crossing my arms over my chest.

The fact that he was implying I was into that sick fuck infuriated me. "You can take whatever your implying and shove it up your ass. Your brother, Agent Kohn, came onto me at the carnival on the Ferris wheel. I politely turned him down. That's the last I've seen or heard from him." I said politely and innocently.

"So you have no information about where he may be right now?"

"Not a clue."

"Well then, thank you for your time." He put his sunglasses back on and smirked at me. I watched as he strode down the sidewalk and looked back at me over his shoulder.

I didn't get in my car until he rounded the corner.


	77. Chapter 77: Young Volcanoes

**Chapter 77**

 **Jax's Point of View**

Getting shot at today wasn't on my list of things to do today, but somehow it still managed to happen. Son of a bitch. We were supposed to drop off the guns with Alvarez and the Mayans and leave, that's it. Tig and Opie were across town picking up the payment. Everything was going fine until Laroy and the Niners decided to join the party on both ends of the deal.

Shit started flying and Clay and I got the fuck out of dodge.

Now we have no weapons and no cash.

I took a long drag off my cigarette, still feeling the adrenaline pumping through my veins from the shootout. We were standing outside of the clubhouse trying to regroup and figure out what the fuck just happened.

"Was this a mistake, or was Laroy sending a message?" Opie asked, looking up at me. He was sitting on top of the picnic table ripping a cigarette to shreds with his fingers.

Clay and Tig were pacing in front of us.

I shrugged pushing off the column I'd been leaning against, shaking my head, flicking some ashes onto the ground. "This could be worst case scenario. Niners want us dead. Mayans won't trust us. We'll lose our customer base. Gain two huge beefs."

"Broke with no guns." Opie scoffed and rubbed the back of his neck.

Clay and Tig were being uncharacteristically quiet about the whole situation that just played out.

My phone rang in my pocket. "Shit, that's probably Gemma." I pulled it out as I walked away a little and answered it. "I'm on my way."

"Good. Can you pick up Rowan. I had her finishing up decorating at the house." Gemma said. Jesus. I wondered what the fuck my house was gonna look like when I got home. "You do know he's not got gonna care if the house is decorated, right?"

"Shut up and get your ass down to the hospital." My mother ordered. I chuckled. "I'm on my way." I hung up the phone and slipped it back into my pocket, turning to face Clay.

He was now sitting down at the picnic table. He let out a pent up sigh and locked eyes with me.. "I got to go pick up my kid."

Clay nodded. "Well, we need something good right about now. Go get him."

"Okay." I replied. "I'll see you guys back at the house."

- **SOA** -

I pulled in my driveway and put the truck in park. I'd already installed Abel's car seat in it because it wasn't like I could bring him home on my bike, even though I had suggested stuffing the little nugget down in my jacket to Gemma and Rowan. They both looked at me like I shouldn't be within ten feet of a kid.

As I walked through the front door I was met with blue streamers wrapped around the columns dividing the hallway and living room. Pale blue balloons migrated to the corners of the living room. The fireplace under the tv was decked out in shiny bright blue streamers as well. Good god.

"Hey, babe. I got the truck. It's time to go get Abel." I called out as I walked down the hallway towards the bedroom. "You about ready to go? I think Gemma is going to have a coronary if we don't get over to the hospital."

I walked in to find Rowan sitting on the end of the bed with her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands. She life's her head and gave me a weak smile. Her face was drained of most of her color. I could tell something was off. "What's up? You okay?"

She stood up and slipped her grey suede boots on not making eye contact with me quite yet. She had changed her shirt since I last saw her. Her plaid button up was gone and she was now wearing a maroon colored off the shoulder long sleeve blouse that crossed behind her neck. It was sexy as hell, especially with her hair pulled up into a messy bun like she had it.

Rowan finished fixing her boots and finally looked up at me and sighed. Her eyes looked panicky. "What is it?"

"Agent Kohn, Jerry's brother, questioned me today. He cornered me at my car when I came out of the café earlier." She blurted out in one long rushed sentence. I stepped forward and slipped my hands onto her waist. "What did he want to know?"

Rowan tossed her hands in the air and stepped away from me. "He wanted to know when the last time I saw or spoke to Jerry was! He knew about the incident at the carnival. He implied that there was something sexual going on between us! I swear to god if I wasn't so terrified of the prick I would have fucking knocked him on his ass!"

"What did you say to him? You didn't say anything did you?" I asked, hesitantly. She was panicking right now, that much was clear. I doubted she would say anything to implicate us in his murder but I had to ask.

Her eyes grew wide as she stared at me. "Of course not! But what if he knows, Jax?" Her eyes searched mine as tears welled in her eyes.

"He doesn't know shit! He's just fishing for information. They'll never pin this on us." I assured her. I grabbed her hands and pulled her into my chest, wrapping my arms around her tightly. Her body was tense as she leaned into me. "What if it's happening again? I can't do this again, Jax." She pulled back and looked up at me, terrified. "I can't go through this again. I can't ask you to make that choice again!"

I slipped my hands onto her cheeks and tilted her head up so she was looking at me. She closed her eyes briefly and I felt her relax slightly to my touch. She opened her eyes and latched her hands onto my cut. "Jerry was hurting you. There was no choice for me to make, Rowan. It's not gonna come to that again, because this is over. Stahl is just using his brother as a way to get to us, but it's not gonna work. Those assholes don't have a goddamn thing."

"I'm just freaking out a little here." Rowan said as I kissed her forehead. I let my lips linger. God she smelled insanely good. "I know." I mumbled against her head. She needed to freak out and vent, I understood that. I'm beginning to learn that when she keeps things bottled up she has a tendency to just combust. I'd like to avoid that.

I cupped her chin in my hand and leaned down and pressed my lips to hers. "You're safe. I promise you. Nothing is going to happen to you." I placed my hand on her stomach and squeezed it gently. "Either of you."

Rowan nodded her head accepting that and took a few deep breaths.

I'd die before I let anything happen to her or my two kids. It's weird how I've gone from only having to worry about myself and my club to having a family of my own that I'd put before it all.

"Come on, let's go bring our boy home. Okay? My mom texted and said people were just gonna start showing up here before we'd make it back." I smiled down at her. She smiled thinking about Abel.

"Speaking of people showing up... I invited Wendy tonight." She scrunched up her nose and bit her lip waiting for my response. I really didn't mind Wendy being here. I meant to say something to her, but it slipped my mind with everything going on today. "That's fine. I think it might be good for her. As long as you can keep my mom from strangling her with a ballon string."

- **SOA** -

 **Rowan's Point of View**

I rode in the backseat with Abel on the way home from the hospital so I could marvel at him. He was snuggled in his car seat with a blanket on him sound asleep. My heart melted just looking at him. I let my fingers graze over his tiny hand, feeling his smooth skin. It amazed me how small his fingernails were. How anything could be that small on a human. All his bones, and organs. It was quite a lot to take in.

"Jesus, mom. How many people did you invite tonight?" Jax chuckled from the driver seat as he pulled into the driveway. I glanced out the window to see that the driveway was packed with cars and the street lining in front of the house was also packed.

"Oh hush, it's all family." Gemma cooed turning around in the passenger seat so she could look back at Abel, running her finger down over his nose lightly. "Everyone wants to see this big guy!" I couldn't help but laugh at Gemma. I've never seen her act this well… sweet.

It was… different.

Jax got out and opened my door so I could hop out then walked around to the other side of the truck and carefully unbuckled Abel from his car seat. "Hey, buddy! We busted you outta that joint." Abel cooed and grunted staring up at Jax as he cradled him in his arms. I fixed his little hat that was falling off his head and leaned down and kissed his nose. He looked up at me and without warning smiled. "I think he likes you, Ro." Jax said. I couldn't stop smiling. Seeing this happy healthy little boy in Jax's arms made my chest fill with love and hope.

"Come on, let's get this family inside." Gemma said, ushering us towards the door.

We walked through the front door and we're met with cheers. Everyone from the club was packed in the living room and spilling into the kitchen. Ope, Donna and the kids rushed at Jax first. Followed by Clay and Chibs and Tig. Wendy was off to the side waiting her turn to see Abel. I was glad she decided to come. Deacon patted Jax on the shoulder and gave him a smile, something very rarely seen on my fathers face. He slipped past Jax and Abel and tossed his arm around me and pulled me into a side hug.

"How you doing kiddo?" He asked, looking down at me.

"I'm good." I smiled, enjoying everyone being together.

I was finally starting to understand what Jax meant about the club being a family. They may not all be blood related, but this was a family.

"Jax, he's beautiful!" Donna gushed, taking in Abel in his arms.

"Get that baby away from her before she wants another one!" Opie teased, pulling Donna back playfully. "Oh can it!" She shot back at him, while everyone laughed.

Lena squeezed past a few people and came out of the kitchen and flanked my other side. I caught sight of a unexpected face in the kitchen, Tara. What the hell is she doing here? Was she invited? "Abel's home!" Lena squealed in my ear, breaking through my thoughts. "He's adorable. I mean I would never want one, but he's adorable."

"I hate to break it to you Lena, but your this baby's godmother. So you're getting one whether you want one or not! So ha!" I pointed to my belly discreetly. She tossed her head back and groaned. "Only if you die! So don't die!" She laughed and then leaned her head against mine. "I'd be honored to be your baby's godmother." She whispered in my ear.

Tara made her way out of the kitchen and gave me a curt smile as she passed by me to stand beside Jax. He looked just as surprised to see Dr. Knowles as I did. Does she attend every baby's homecoming or just this one? Something told me it was the latter.

Clay held his beer up to Abel and said, "You ready for your first bruski there, bud?" Gemma shooed his hand away with the beer, while Jax chuckled. "Come on, you and grandpa will slip out the back and head to the bar. What do you say, kid?"

The evening went off without a hitch. Everyone gushed over Abel and fought over who was going to hold him. Music played on the stereo and food was being ate and beers were being drank. The house was full of life and chatter. I found myself in the kitchen with Gemma helping keep the mess under control. I was cleaning off the table and had a view into the living room. Deacon was sitting on the couch holding Abel. For a minute I got a glimpse of the grandpa to be.

"Jax told me you invited Wendy?" Gemma said. She sidled up next to me at the table and began helping me place more vegetables out on the trays we'd made up earlier today.

"I did." I replied.

"You invite that one too?" Gemma glared at Tara sitting on the arm of the couch next to Jax.

"No it seems that one invited herself." I grumbled. I noticed Jax get up and take Abel from Deacon. "Diaper change, wish me luck." He said, peeking his head into the kitchen as he went by. I laughed and shook my head.

Lena was sitting down at the dining room table, blatantly not helping and picking out cherry tomatoes and popping them into her mouth as soon as I put them on the tray. "So which one is the baby momma and the ex again?"

I pointed out Wendy and was about to point out Tara but I couldn't find her in the living room. She wasn't sitting on the couch anymore. I didn't know where she was at the moment. "Okay, and we hate the ex, right?"

"Right!" Gemma and I both said in unison, surprising all three of us. "You know the good doctor is only here for one thing." Gemma spat out. "If there weren't children present I'd throw her out on her boney ass by her hair."

"I would so pay to see that!" Lena chimed in. I shook my head and walked out of the kitchen. I decided to see if Jax needed any back up with that diaper change.

"Hey, do you need any help?" I half laughed pushing Abel's bedroom door open. Tara was holding Abel in her arms. Jax was leaning against the crib with his arms crossed over his chest.

"We've got it, but thanks." Tara replied, smiling down at Abel. "Tara, knock it off." Jax jumped to my defense.

She looked at Jax innocently. "I'm not doing anything!"

I scoffed and glared at Jax. Why the hell were they in here with the door closed? Gemma's advice echoed in my mind. Put her in her place. I've been nice all this time.

After everything.

I'm done.

"Did you invite her?" I asked Jax. He gave me a 'seriously are you kidding me' look.

"No. I didn't invite her." Tara handed Abel back to Jax, lingering a little to close for my liking.

I clenched my fist letting my fingernails dig into my palms.

"I think you need to go." I said sternly looking directly at Tara. She turned and faced me and smirked. "That's cute, but this isn't your house. So until Jax tells me to leave, I'm not going anywhere."

We both looked at Jax. "Tara this ain't your place anymore. I appreciate what you did for Abel, but we're done. You need to stop this shit, alright."

"You heard him. Now get the hell out of my house." I demanded, holding open the bedroom door.

Tara scoffed, and crossed her arms over her chest. I placed a hand over my stomach absentmindedly and glared at her. "You think you're something special, don't you? Well, let me tell you something. You're nothing more than the other woman. Just the slut that slept with another woman's husband."

"Tara! Enough!" Jax raised his voice, causing Abel to stir in his arms. Jax shushed him and rocked him in his arms lightly to comfort him.

"What the hell are you on? Jax is divorced!" I pointed out, shaking my head. This was ridiculous.

Tara glanced at Jax and smirked again. If I wasn't pregnant I would grab her by the hair and fling her out the door. Gemma and I have similar styles it seems.

"I guess Jax didn't tell you! You see, technically he's still married to Wendy!" She smiled, pleased with herself.

I glanced at Jax for clarification as he shifting uncomfortably holding Abel. So he lied to me. Great.

"Like I said, nothing more than a cheating little slut." Tara hissed stepping towards me.

"Tara you need to go!" Jax hissed as he glared at her. She buckled slightly under his unnerving gaze and stepped back, but made no move towards the door. I stepped forward and grabbed a fistful of her hair on the side of her head causing her to yelp and pull away. "Bitch! You're lucky I'm pregnant!"

Tara looked utterly shocked to hear that. I watched the smirk slide right off her face.

Jax grabbed my waist with one arm and yanked me back. I wretched myself out of his grasp and whipped around to face him. "You can either walk her out the door or I'll put her through the fucking window. Your choice."

Jax leveled Tara with one look and she made a beeline for the door. The front door slammed shut not long after. Gemma peeked her head in the door. "You know we all heard all that, right?" She was about to say something else stopped short and walked in taking Abel out of Jax's arms.

My hands were shaking I was so livid. I closed the bedroom door after Gemma went out.

"What the hell was that?" Jax hissed. I whipped around to face him. "Wendy could have heard you. She's like a heartbeat sober. Hearing that your pregnant might send her backwards."

I did feel bad for yelling that. But I'm too pissed off to even care at the moment. "That's what you wanna say to me after what just happened? I'm glad you care so much about your wife's feelings since you're still MARRIED! You told me you were divorced from Wendy."

"I am, okay? Jesus. It's just not finalized for another few months." He clarified.

"Why didn't you just tell me that? Why keep it a secret. It's not that big of a deal."

"Exactly, it's not a big deal. So why are you picking a fight with me over Tara's bullshit?" He spat, trying to keep his voice down and even.

"It's a big deal because I had to hear it from fucking Tara instead of you! That's why it's a big deal!" I snapped back. I swallowed the lump in my throat and shook my head shifting from foot to foot. I covered my face with my hands and took a few deep breaths. My stomach twisted itself in nots as tears welled in my eyes.

Normally I would be a little upset over this, but since I'm pregnant my hormones are making this situation that much more painful. My emotions were going to destroy me.

Abel's nursery felt unusually warm. I sat down on the edge of the rocking chair in the corner of the room by his crib and wiped the tears from my face. Jax sighed deeply and leaned against the crib. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't tell you that Wendy and I were still hitched. I should have."

"I'm not mad about you and Wendy being technically married. I mad that I had to find out through Tara. I think I've just finally reached my breaking point with it all." After everything I've been through these last few weeks I've sorta kept it together but I just practically assaulted Tara in front of Jax's son. I crossed a line. Even if Tara deserved it and worse in my opinion.. "These last few weeks, l've tried to follow your lead. You know, find some kind of... compartment to put all this stuff in. My mom and my dad. Wendy. Tara. The croweaters. The Kohn thing...But I just- l- I can't." I said, looking up at Jax through blurry eyes. "I don't... sleep. I'm more scared now than I ever was. I'm scared of getting caught. I'm scared of not getting caught. We got away with murder. What does that make me?" I whispered as Jax moved to sit down on the day bed. He rested his elbows on his knees and looked at me. "How am I supposed to be a mom after all this?"

"What happened makes you a survivor." Jax said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I shook my head. I'm not a survivor. "Maybe my mom was right to keep me away from your world, because I don't know if I can do this. I think you're a good man... with a big heart. I believe you try to do as much good as you can, but... you live a life I don't think I'll ever really understand."

Jax looked at the floor and then back up at me. "What are you saying? You don't wanna be with me? All because of what just happened?" He snapped at me. His face went pale as he waited for me to answer. I watched him clench and unclench his Jax. He stood up abruptly and started pacing the floor.

"No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying I don't know how to get past everything. I just don't know." I started to say, getting to my feet.

"I guess you got what you wanted from me, right? Used me to do your dirty work." Jax spat at me. For a moment I was stunned speechless.

"That's not fair and you know it! Don't ever throw that in my face, ever. Because it's not true!" I leveled him with a glared.

His eyes locked with mine. "Not fair? You know I could be with anyone. Hell, I've been with hundreds of women. Maybe more, I don't know. I barely see their faces. Until I met you. No matter who I'm inside of I'll always see your face. You don't know if you can get past all that's happened and I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over you if you decide you can't handle this." I felt warm tears streaming down my flushed cheeks as Jax held my gaze. "When you came into my life, it was like some kind of sign to me. Like you were my last chance to do this right; differently."

His words hit me in the chest like a brick. "I'm gonna go to the store and pick up some more wipes and stuff for Abel. The stuff they gave us at the hospital won't last a night." I ran a hand through my hair and started for the door when Jax spoke. "You shouldn't come back unless you're staying for good. I can't spend another day with you fearing that your gonna leave. And if this isn't what you want I'll still make sure you and the baby are taken care of."

I opened the door and walked out without saying anything in return.

A/N: Thank you so much for all the reviews! It means so much to me! I just wanted to remind everyone that Rowan is in a very emotional state right now due to being pregnant so I am trying to make it realistic and make her uncertain and unsure and I'm making her try and make the FINAL decision to stay in this life with Jax become once she does she will be loyal as hell to the club and what Jax does and she will take no shit from anyone!


	78. Chapter 78: Too Late

**Chapter 78**

 **Jax's Point of View**

I heard the front door slam shut from Abel's room. What the fuck just happened? I sighed shaking my head as I made my way down the hallway. Opie was leaning against the wall with a smirk on his face. I paused waiting for him to say something.

"I take it you, Tara and Rowan didn't just have a threesome back there." He chuckled, shaking his head. Opie always did savor the moments where I was in the dog house with a girl.

Dick.

I shook my head and took the beer out of his hand and downed it in one gulp. "I'm glad you're enjoying this."

"What just happened?" He asked, casting all jokes aside.

"I have no fucking idea." I answered honestly.

Gemma came out of the kitchen towards me holding Abel in her arms. She looked about as happy with me right now as Rowan did ten seconds ago. That whole fight back there was Tara's fucking fault. I don't even know why she showed up here tonight. Yeah, actually, I do. To start shit. She had a knack for that when we were teenagers.

"You mind telling me what the hell that was all about?" Gemma demanded more so than asked. I glanced into the living room to see that everyone was still talking and enjoying the party. The patio was open and some people had even wondered out back by the empty pool. Including Wendy.

Maybe she hadn't heard all that bullshit? Wishful thinking.

"I don't know, mom. We just got into it. Tara told her that Wendy and I were still married and she made it into a big deal. When clearly it's not and then it just escalated from there." I explained, leaning my shoulder against the wall.

Gemma shook her head and looked at me like I was a complete moron. "Dumbass, she's pregnant. Every little thing is going to be a big deal to her right now. You have no idea what your 'five minutes of fun' is doing to her body. When I was pregnant with you I got so god damn pissed off at your father for everything."

Ope snickered and smirked at my mothers sex comment. I rolled my eyes and considered her words. Fuck. I told her not to come back if she couldn't handle this. I shouldn't have said that. I know why she freaked out and I know it had nothing to do with Tara. This was all because of Agent Kohn asking questions earlier today. She was panicking. Tara set her off and I didn't help matters any, but I need to her to make the choice to stay or go. Maybe I could have done it in less harsh way, but she needs this push.

But what if she wants to go, then I have to let her… right? I don't wanna lose her. She has my kid.

I sighed and squeezed the bridge of my nose.

Abel started to fuss in Gemma's arms so she took him back in his room to rock him no doubt.

"Hey baby, the kids are getting tired. You about ready to head home?" Donna said, sidling up next to Ope. He tucked her into his side and smiled down at her. "Yeah, we can go." He leaned down and kissed her on the lips.

"Ellie, Henry! Let's go, babies!" Donna called after the kids. I watched them give Piney and Deacon a hug before running out the front door.

"Word of advice, man. Just start apologizing." Opie said as I gave a hug and pat on the shoulder. I chuckled, if only it were that simple. This wasn't a matter of either of us saying 'I'm sorry' it was a matter of Rowan finally deciding if this is the life that she wants.

Part of me knows that she deserves better then this. She deserves a better man then me. But the selfish part of me can't bare to think that she won't walk back through my front door.

"I'm so glad Abel is home!" Donna smiled. I kissed her on the cheek and said goodnight.

After seeing Ope and Donna out the front door I wondered back into Abel's room. Gemma was sitting in the rocking chair in the corner of the room humming something to Abel. She looked up when I leaned against his changing table by the door.

"You I can do that, right?" I pointed out.

Gemma smiled and gazed back down at my son. "Oh, but this is what grandma is for." She cooed. Babies were my mothers weakness. Huh. I didn't know she had a weakness.

I smirked and stared at my scuffed up nikes. I pulled my cell out of my pocket and pulled Rowan's number up. I was about to hit send; my finger hovering over the button when I stopped myself. "What if Rowan can't handle this life mom?"

"She can handle it just fine." I looked at my mom wondering how she could be so sure. "Jax, you have to remember that Rowan just walked into this world. You grew up in it. It's who you are. It's in your blood. Rebecca sheltered Rowan for twenty one years, but that blood is in her too. She just may need a minute to see that."

My mom was right ninety percent of the time. I was praying she was right about this too. I walked over and leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks, mom."

I walked into my bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed and pressed send on my phone.

- **SOA-**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

The cool night air felt good. My face was so warm from being so upset. I was leaning against the side of my car just trying to cool off. I heard shrieking and looked over my shoulder to see Ellie and Henry racing across the front lawn towards Donna's car.

"Shotgun!" Henry called out.

"That's not fair!" Ellie yelled in protest.

Opie and Donna joined them by the car. "Get both your little butts in the backseat where you belong, please!" Donna said, opening the back door. I smiled as they begrudgingly got in. Donna spotted me and waved, before walking towards me.

"Hey, you! Are you okay? We couldn't help but overhear some of what was going on in there." Donna said softly. She tucked some brown hair behind her ear and leaned against the car beside me. I wiped any remaining tears off my face and swallowed the lump in my throat. "I'm sorry for that. You guys shouldn't have had to hear that, especially on Abel's big night."

"Don't worry about it." She squeezed my shoulder. I gave her a soft smile in return. "You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really." I laughed a little. She did too. "Being pregnant is just making me question whether or not I can do this, you know? I mean I know I can, and I will. It's just having doubt can really screw your mind up."

"That it can. I went through the same thing when I started dating Opie. I thought this whole club was absurd. I thought there's no way I can handle this shit, but then I thought about not having Opie in my life and I realized without Opie I wouldn't have much of one. So I stayed and I learned and I got two beautifully kids out of it. Things haven't always been easy, hell they've never been easy," Donna laughed. "But it's been worth it." She looked over at Opie talking to the kids through the car window and a warm smile formed on her face.

I had that same kind of love with Jax. That beautiful rare kind that only comes around once in a lifetime. Was I really going to give it up? Not a chance in hell.

I laughed and nodded. "Thank you, Donna."

She winked at me and smiled. "Anytime."

"Hey, the kids are all buckled in." Opie said tossing his keys from hand to hand as he approached us.

"I'll let you guys get going. I've gotta run to the store." I said, squeeze Donna's arm gently, before turning around and unlocking my car door. I wanted to get back and fix what I might have just broke with Jax.

"Are you going straight home?" Donna asked Opie over my shoulder.

I heard the faint music coming from inside as the front door was opened. Tig walked out and got on his bike pulled out of the driveway.

"Yeah, I was planning too. Why?" Opie said.

"I wanna stay and help Rowan and Gemma clean up." Donna said.

I turned and looked at her over my shoulder as I opened the door to my car. "You don't have to do that! I've got it."

"No! No! I want to! Come on, I'll drive to the store." Donna offered with a grin. Opie tossed her the keys to his trucked parked across the street. "Take the truck, I've got the kids."

"Are you sure?" I hesitated as she gave Ope a kiss and waved goodnight to the kids. She grabbed my hand and barely let me shut my own car door.

We climbed in Opie's truck and set off to the store. It was dark out and actually quite foggy, especially us being in the burbs. Donna reached over and turned the radio on low. A soft rock song filled the speakers. "So how have you been feeling? Are you getting any morning sickness?"

"Yes! It's like this kid is trying to kill me from the inside out.." I half laughed. Donna nodded in agreement. She must've known where I was coming from with the two kids of her own.

Donna took a right hand turn and headed down the road towards the Dollar General. I felt my phone vibrating in my bag down by my feet.

"When I was pregnant with Ellie I didn't get sick at all. But when Henry came along, I lived in the bathroom for the first two trimesters. Poor Opie looked so helpless every time he looked at me and it got so bad that at one point he just looked at me in-between me hurling in the toilet and was just like, 'I'm sorry babe. I'll never touch you again.'" We both cracked up laughing at that. I could imagine Opie saying something like that to her. It's probably the same thing running through Jax's mind.

The truck slowed as we came to a red light. My phone vibrated again in my bag. I leaned down and unzipped my bag, digging through it to find my phone. I could see the screen lighting up at the bottom of my bag. I finally got it in my hand and turned over to see Jax's photo lighting up the touch screen.

I was about to sit up when I heard the loud echo of a bang and the glass shattering behind me. I felt the shards hitting me in the back.

Time seemed to move in slow motion.

My phone fell from my hand.

My eyes squeezed closed.

I placed my hands over my head instinctively and stayed hunched over my knees.

I had no idea what was happening.

A car horn was blaring in my ears incessantly. I heard a dog barking faintly. Everything sounded so far away though. I wanted to sit up, but felt frozen. Did someone run into the back of us? Did we hit something? No. We were stopped at a red light. So it must have been the latter.

Slowly, I forced myself to sit up. Shattered glass filled the seat beside me. I could still hear the car horn blaring. That's when I turned to look at Donna. My throat began to close up at the sight of her slumped over the steering wheel. "Donna?"

She'd been shot in the back of the head. "Donna!"

I slid across the seat towards her, reaching out to touch her only to stop mid way. Tears fell from face as I stared at the blood matting her brown hair and the quarter sized hole in her head.

"Donna! Oh my god! Donna!" I screamed, touching her back.

My hands came away bloody. Bile worked its way up my throat.

I quickly turned and searched the floor for my phone and called 911, but I knew it was too late.

- **SOA-**

 **Jax's Point of View**

Rowan hadn't answered when I called and it was starting to worry me. I was staring down at Abel in his crib. He was sound asleep. Completely oblivious to everything around him. He looked so peaceful. I rested my hand on his stomach and found comfort in the rise and fall of his chest.

There was a knock on the door. I looked up hoping to see Rowan, but found Clay staring back at me. From the look on his face whatever was about to leave his mouth wasn't good news.

"What is it?" I left Abel and met him at the door.

"Jax, there's been an accident with Rowan and Donna." A rush of air escaped my lungs. It felt like my world just got punted off into space.

"What do you mean?" I snapped, jumping to the worst possible conclusion.

"I don't know anything. Unser just said there was an accident. Deacon already left." Clay informed me as we stormed down the hallway. Gemma said she'd watch Abel as I passed by.

"Are they okay?" My heart sunk in my chest. I told her not to come back…

"What happened?" I hammered Clay with questions as we rushed out of the house to go to them. What the fuck is happening. My heart hammered in my chest louder than the sound of my fucking bike.

I prayed to god that she was okay… that they were both okay. She has to be okay. I can't lose her or the baby. I gunned it out of the driveway and followed Clay.

 **A/N: Thank you for all the love, I'm not sure I'll be getting any after this chapter! Lol! I'm sorry I had to kill off Donna!**

 **Please don't hate me! :(**

 **It's for storyline purposes!**


	79. Chapter 79: The Sleep Of Babies

**Chapter 79**

 **Jax's Point of View**

My heart hammered in my chest as we arrived at the corner of 5th Street and Marks. A blur of red and blue lights illuminated the street. Two ambulances and a a slew of police cruisers blocked off half the street. Clay and slowed down and stopped. I ripped my helmet from head and dropped it on the ground as I got off my bike. "Rowan!" I yelled over roar of more motorcycles in the distant air as the rest of the guys arrived.

I searched the scene for Rowan but didn't see her anywhere. As I scanned the scene my eyes fell on the paramedics pulling Donna's lifeless body from the driver seat of Opes truck; they lied her down on the ground. Her head was covered in blood.

She was dead…

Jesus…

What the fuck happened?

"Donna!" I heard Opie scream from behind me. He ran past me and cut under the police tape marking the area off. "Donna, baby!" I followed after him, cutting under the police tape with Clay, despite the officers protest to keep the area clear.

Chief Unser told his officers to let us pass.

Opie fell to his knees at Donna's side and cried. "Oh, baby. No! No! Donna!" He cried out in pure agony. His hands gently cradled her face as he pressed his forehead against hers.

My heart sunk to my feet as I stumbled back slightly. I couldn't bare to see Donna like this or my best friend. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes, but the rage I felt subsided them. "Rowan!" I called out again, needing to find her.

Unser motioned for someone behind one of the fire engines. Deacon walked into view holding Rowan against his chest. Relief rushed through me like a waterfall, and then guilt for feeling relieved. Rowan saw me and let go of Deacon and ran into my arms.

"Jax! Someone just shot her!" She cried, throwing her arms around my neck tightly. I wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her as tight as possible. "I'm right here, baby. I'm here." I ran my hand up her back and cradled the back of her head as she sobbed into my chest uncontrollably. I kissed the top of her head before pulling back to look at her.

My hands cradled her cheeks as my eyes roamed down over her looking for any visible injuries. The entire front of her body was covered in blood as well as her hands, which I quickly realized was Donna's and not her's.

Opie was still clinging to Donna's body and sobbing beside me.

Rowan was shaking terribly. She stared at Ope and Donna. "I tried to stop the bleeding, but there was too much. I couldn't do anything to help her! I'm so sorry." Noting she could have done would have saved Donna. With that kind of wound to the head, she had to have died instantly. I didn't say that though.

Instead I pulled Rowan into my chest and held her. She gripped my sweatshirt and twisted it into her hands holding onto me for dear life. Deacon stood there watching his daughter fall apart in my arms.

He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Clay walking towards us with Unser.

"What do we know?" Clay demanded.

"A guy walking his dog saw someone in a black SUV pull up behind them and shoot her through the back window. According to Rowan she was bent down in the seat getting her phone out of her bag when the shot went through the window. That's the only reason the bastard didn't shoot her too, I'm guessing." Unser explained, eyeing Clay carefully. He watched Clays every move, making me wonder what the hell he really suspected.

"They see the guy in the SUV? Was he black?" Clay asked.

"Witness couldn't say."

"Jesus." Clay whispered.

I glanced back over my shoulder at Opie. He was crying over Donna's body. Chibbs and Juice were kneeling at his side half holding him up. I pulled Rowan even closer against me. If I hadn't called her she would be lying dead on the ground right beside Donna.

Murder rushed through my veins.

"Unless Donna was leading some kind of double life we didn't know about, I'd say this brutality was meant for Opie." Unser suggested, glaring at Clay out of the corner of his eye. Deacon kissed Rowan on the head as he walked past us to check on Opie.

I stared at Clay. "I'd say that's a far guess." He replied. He looked surprised more than hurt to see one of his owns old ladies lying on the ground.

The thoughts running through my head were enough to send me over the edge. Clay and Tig were so sure Opie had turned. Did they really take it this far?

I pulled back from Rowan and held her face in my hands. I wiped away new tears with my thumbs and kissed her. I let go of her and turned around to help get Opie out of here. He didn't need to see Donna like this any longer. I knelt down beside him and through my arm around him. His shoulders shook with every sob that racked through his body. "Come on, man. You don't need to remember her this way." Slowly, I pulled him back away from her and to his feet. I let my best friend cry into my shoulder as I held his head.

"Take him home. Stay with him however long he needs." I told Chibbs and Juice. I handed Opie off to them and returned to Rowan's side. "Is she free to go?" I asked Unser.

He nodded his head. "She gave her statement. Take her home."

I slowly led her to my bike. Deacon followed us. "I'm gonna take her home." I told him.

"It's gonna be alright, kiddo. I'm just a phone call away." He said as she hugged him. He kissed his daughters head lightly. "You come to the club tomorrow, bring her with you. I don't want her out of sight until we get a handle on this." Deacon instructed me. I wasn't planning on letting her out of my sight. He patted my shoulder as I nodded and then made his way towards his own bike.

I glanced over my shoulder and through the strobe of red and blue lights I could see Tig staring at Donna lying on the asphalt like he was in some sort of shocked trance.

- **SOA** -

Rowan and I walked through the front door right into my mother. She had tears in her eyes which meant Clay must have already called and told her what had happened. I hugged her with one arm, feeling Rowan let go of my other hand. I noticed she had almost stopped crying when we got off the bike in the driveway.

"I'm so sorry, baby." Gemma whispered before pulling back to look at me.

I nodded feeling like a tornado just destroyed my insides. "You should go home, mom."

"I'm gonna go take a shower." Rowan practically whispered behind me. I glanced at her as she walked cautiously down the hallway back into the bedroom. She shut the door quietly behind her.

"What about Abel? She's in no condition to help with him." Gemma protested.

"I can take care of my family, mom. We'll be fine. Just go. It's time for me to do this." I insisted. She squeezed my shoulder and nodded in agreement.

I didn't see her out the door, instead I walked down the hall into my sons room. I found him lying fast asleep in his crib. I sat down on day bed across from his crib and watched him sleep; the slow rise and fall of his little chest.

How the hell could this be how tonight ended? The suspicions I have about what really happened tonight could kill our club, as well as Opie… Would Clay really take it this far? After he gave me his word that he believed Opie? I know the answer deep down already.

I just don't want to face it yet.

I turned the lamp off in Abel's room, leaving the room. I cracked the door so the hall light would still let a little light inside his room. I walked into my bedroom, leaving the door just ajar. Rowan was walking out of the bathroom when I looked up. Her hair was damp, hanging loose around her face. She had on one of my long sleeve Henley shirts, leaving her legs exposed.

She looked pale and exhausted. We walked towards each other. I tucked some wet locks of hair behind her ear taking in how red and puffy her eyes were from crying. I rested my hand on her stomach. She placed hers over top of mine. "Who would do this, Jax?" She questioned, looking at me with one of the most broke expressions I've ever seen. Her eyes were brimmed with tears and I could feel her trembling slightly beneath my hand. The look in her eyes broke me because I didn't have an answer.

"I don't know. But I can promise you I will find out." I felt like such a dick for telling her not to come back if she couldn't handle this. Who am I to say that? That was an ultimatum. One that I never should have made, because who the hell in their right mind would willingly want this life. Especially after a night like tonight.

I could have lost her tonight. I could have lost my second child. That's weighing heavily on my mind and heart. "I'm sorry…" I whispered, not wanting anything to be left unsaid between us, ever. "When I said don't come back I didn't mean…" I started to say, but was cut off by her kiss.

"I know, I'm sorry too." She whispered. I slipped my hand around to the nape of her neck and pulled her into my lips. I worked them over slow and steadily. Her hands searched for the zipper to my hoodie and pulled it down, shoving it and my cut off my shoulders.

My tongue grazed her lip and I pulled her tight against my chest, slipping my free hand around to palm the small of her back. A piece of paper couldn't float between us. She moaned softly against my mouth as my tongue untwined with hers. My hand slid down onto her ass and squeezed before working up under her shirt. Her skin felt warm and soft against my rough hand.

Slowly I backed her up against the edge of the bed. Her knees hit the mattress and she fell onto her butt. I pulled my white t-shirt over my head and tossed it to the side, then leaned down and kissed her once more. I felt her unbuckle my belt and I gently pushed her back onto her back.

I toed out of my sneakers and removed my jeans before crawling up her body. I planted kisses all the way up her stomach and between her breasts and chest until I reached her lips. I slipped my hand up under her shirt and cupped her breast. She moaned softly at my touch. Her hands tangled in my hair. They ran down my arms. Over my back. My chest.

I helped her out of my shirt and removed my boxers before encasing her body once more with my own. I kissed her like it was the first and last time I'd ever kiss her. She matched my intensity entirely. I guided her leg up over my hip and pressed against her entrance before plunging forward. "Jesus. Your so fucking wet for me. God. I can't get enough of this."

"I love you." She moaned and tossed her head to the side as I pulled out slightly and pushed back in. I breathed heavily in her ear, biting it. I sucked and nipped all along her jawline. As I continued to move inside her she moved her other leg up around my other hip and locked her feet behind me, allowing me to go even deeper, and I did. I wanted to be all the way inside her. Our bodies moved together completely in sync.

"Fuck…" I moaned into her ear. Her nails were digging into my biceps with each thrust forward but I didn't care.

I could tell she was close by the way her hips kept tightening around me. I slipped my hand around the nape of her neck. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was ragged. "Look at me…" I pulled almost all the way out of her and waited for her to open her eyes. She opened her eyes and held onto my neck lightly.

I pressed my head against hers and looked into her eyes. She kissed me, biting my lip and pulling it between her teeth. "Just keep looking at me…" I whispered and slowly worked inside of her once again.

"Jax, oh my god." She whimpered.

With each thrust I kissed her until I couldn't. It took four slow hard thrusts for us both to come completely undone. Our muscles tightened, stringing taut and then finally relaxed. My head fell to her shoulder as I collapsed. I felt her hand running up and down my back soothingly. She kissed my ear tenderly before I rolled onto my back.

I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her against my chest. We lied there with only the sound of our heavy breaths filling the room.

After a while we managed to get under the covers.

My mind wondered aimlessly as I lied there in the dark holding Rowan against my chest. I was sure she'd fallen asleep when her fingers stopped tracing over the tattoo on my chest. "Jax?" She whispered in the darkness.

I kissed her forehead to let her know I was awake. "Hmm?"

"Do you think it's possible to love someone so much their heart actually aches for them?" She asked. "Because that's how much I love you. I love you so much that my heart hurts."

"That's exactly how I feel about you." I whispered back. She looked up at me and held my cheek. After everything that's just happened part of me already knows that I've already lost her. "I know you have doubts about this lifestyle…and after tonight I can't…just promise me you won't make a decision yet about staying or going because I don't think I can get through these next few days without you."

"Jax," she breathed, "There was never a moment where I even considered walking away from you tonight. I just needed a minute to process."

I stared down at her through the darkened room. "You can have that minute. Do you think you're going to need anymore minutes like that in the near future?"

"No, because I'm all in." She whispered, leaning up to kiss me.


	80. Chapter 80: The Revalator Part I

**Chapter 80**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

The faint sound of crying pulled me out of my sleepless state. I opened my eyes one at a time and blinked away the sleep still stuck in my eyes. The clock on the nightstand read 7am. I glanced to my left to see Jax's side of the bed was empty. I could hear Abel crying down the hallway and quickly got up; pulling Jax's long sleeve shirt on over myself and searched the floor for my panties and a pair of gym shorts.

Abel's wails got even louder as I made my way down the hallway and into his room. "I'm coming, buddy!" I reassured him. He was lying in his crib with tears streaming down his face. I immediately picked him up, cradling his neck as I let him rest on my shoulder. "It's okay, little man. I'm here. You're okay, I promise."

I slowly rocked him and rubbed his back. His cries slowly turned into little grunts against my neck. I kissed the top of his head wondering where Jax went this early, but I already knew deep down. He went to check on Opie and the kids.

My heart broke for Opie and his kids. Everything had happened so fast last night. I still felt partially in shock from it all. Who the hell would do something like this? And why? If it hadn't been for Jax calling me when he did, I'd be dead right now too. Our baby would be dead.

"Let's get you a new diaper, and then we can work on a bottle. Does that sound like a good game plan? Huh?" I asked Abel, knowing I wouldn't get a response, but hoping the sound of my voice and me talking would help soothe him.

I lied Abel down on the changing table and then searched for a clean diaper, wipes and a new onesie to put on him. I changed his diaper only to learn that he does not like his diaper to be changed. He squirmed and cried the entire time. He did not like the cold wipes, which I tried to warm in my hands, at all. "We're all done! I had to change you, don't cry." I picked him up and cradled him on my shoulder again. I sorta felt like I was doing something wrong because he was still crying, but I knew I wasn't.

I made my way into the kitchen and started working on making him a bottle. I filled a coffee cup with water and placed it in the microwave for thirty seconds and then placed it on the counter. I searched the cabinet for a bottle and then found the formula and began adding the recommended amount to the bottle with the recommended amount of tap water. I managed to get the cap and nipple on and began to shake it to mix up the formula. "I promise I will get better at this." I whispered, still gently rocking Abel. Once the formula was mixed up I sat the bottle in the cup of warm water for a few seconds to warm it up a bit then removed it.

I checked the formula on my wrist to make sure it wasn't to hot then sat down in the living room and started to feed Abel. All the times I babysat prepared me for this, right? Abel stared up at me like I was the highlight of his life. "I didn't do to bad, huh? Say we got this, right? You and me."

I smiled down at him. His little grunts and groans as he sucked down his bottle were the cutest sounds I've ever heard. Sitting here holding him like this only made me realize how sure I was that I made the right choice by telling Jax I was all in. Last night made me put things into perspective. I love Jax, god do I love him, and Abel and our baby. Life is short, bitterly short; I'm going to spend mine with the people I love, because you never know when it could all be over.

Abel had finished about half his bottle so I decided it was a good time to stop and try and burp him. Which he did not like at all, because he started wailing again. "Come on, bug, you've gotta burp a little bit." I stood up and paced rubbing his back and patting it gently until he finally let out a little hiccup.

The sound of a motorcycle roared outside as it pulled in the driveway. "Do you hear that sound? That's your daddy…" I made my way into the kitchen and peeked out the window at Jax as he sat on his bike, still letting it idle. Abel whimpered on my shoulder. He was calming back down. "You wanna know a secret? That sound is my favorite sound. You wanna know why?" I cradled the back of his little head with my hand feeling his peach fuzz hair against my palm. "Because it means your daddy is close by and when he's close by that means everything is okay."

The sound of the bike shut off and a few minutes later Jax walked through the front door. He smiled when he saw us in the kitchen. "You look good holding my kid." He made his way towards us as I gave him a weak smile. I took in how tired and pale he looked as he leaned down to kiss Abel on the head. When he looked up his eyes met mine. The bags under his eyes told me he got even less sleep than I did last night.

Jax leaned in and kissed me tenderly on the lips. "I was just feeding him. Do you wanna feed him the other half of his bottle?"

"Yeah, c'mere buddy." Jax said. I handed Abel over to him and led him back into the living room.

Jax sat down on the couch with Abel and started to feed him.

"I woke up and you were gone." I said, sitting down on the couch next to him. "How's Opie?"

"How'd you know that's where I went?"

"Because I know you and it's where I would have went too." I gave him a wry smile. "How is he? How are Ellie and Henry?"

"Ope's a fucking mess. His mom is at the house helping with the kids, but that won't last long, they don't exactly see eye to eye all the time. But it's good she's there. I don't think the kids really understand that she's gone yet… Gemma's got the old ladies dropping off casseroles and shit left and right." Jax snorted. "He doesn't need a casserole or a lasagna, he needs his fucking wife."

"Do you have any idea what the hell happened last night?" I asked, letting my hand rest on his leg. I chewed the inside of my lip as he stared at me. Jax sighed and looked down at his son and then back up at me. "That meet I went to yesterday didn't exactly go according to plan. Niners crashed our meeting on both ends. They don't want us selling our guns to the Mayans. They shot at us and we shot at them. Clay seems to think they brought their retaliation all the way to Charming. Opie's truck was at the cash pick up yesterday, Clay thinks they sought out his truck looking to kill him, got Donna instead…"

"Wait, you got shot at yesterday?" I panicked slightly, even though Jax is fine and sitting in front of me. I quickly let it go and shook my head. "You said Clay thinks the Niners are behind this, but do you?" He seemed skeptical when he spoke before.

Jax shook his head and sighed. "I don't know what the fuck to believe." He handed me Abel's bottle and then tried to burp him. I could tell from the way he was holding himself so rigid and tense that he wanted to say more, but he also didn't want to say more. Abel burped for him like it was no big deal. Jax resumed holding him in his arms.

Jax turned his head looking at me. He placed his free hand on my cheek. I held his wrist with both hands and closed my eyes reveling in his touch. Just this simple gesture sent warmth spreading through my chest. I opened my eyes to find him still staring at me. "Last night was a hard night. You okay?"

I nodded and let out a little chuckle as tears brimmed my eyes. "You saved me again…"

Jax gave me a confused look.

"You called me last night. I was looking for my phone in my bag when it happened. That's why I wasn't sitting up in the seat. If I had been, I don't think I'd be here right now. You're always saving me…" I whispered, kissing his wrist gently.

"Somebody has to..." He smirked playfully as I leaned in and kissed his cheek. He wrapped his arm around me as I rested my head on his shoulder. I let Abel latch onto my finger. He found my hand fascinating as he tried his damnedest to get my finger in his mouth. "I gotta head to the club and see if we can get a handle on this shit, I want you both to come with me. Hang at the clubhouse today. My mom will be there to help with Abel."

I glanced up at Jax and said, "Okay." He kissed me, letting his lips linger against mine. The slight contact tickled my lip. "I do have a doctors appointment this afternoon though." I remembered. I could reschedule it, but then I don't know when they'd get me in.

"Shit. I completely forgot about it. I'll try and be there. What time?" Jax asked, looking a little stressed by everything that's happened in the last twenty four hours.

"It's not until 1pm. You don't have to come. You have bigger things to deal with than holding my hand at a doctors appointment. I'll be fine. The first appointment won't be much of anything anyway. They just run some blood work and a few other tests. I don't even know if they'll do an ultrasound; it just depends."

"Are you sure?" He arched his eyebrow. I nodded my head. "I'm positive. I'll be fine."

"Just call me after the appointment then, let me know how it goes." He insisted.

"I will. I'm gonna go take a quick shower and then I'll follow you over to the club." I kissed his cheek and leaned down and kissed Abel's little chubby hand before heading to the bathroom.

- **SOA** -

Jax and I were standing in the clubhouse thirty minutes later. I had Abel asleep on my shoulder. I was afraid he'd wake up if I put him back in his car seat, so I just decided to hold him; that and I just didn't want to put him down just yet. How he was sleeping through the light rock music flirting through the sound system and all the guys talking was beyond me. They'd all fussed over him when Jax and I walked in. It was quite the scene seeing all of these bikers turn to complete mush around Abel.

It seemed so surreal that he was finally home now. With everything that's happened I guess I just want to keep Abel close, like Jax does. Abel making it through and coming home encompasses the hope that we all need to continuing believing in.

Especially now…

"How you doin' sweetheart?" Deacon said as he approached me. He kissed the crown of my head. I motioned for him to try and keep quiet and nodded my head. "I'm okay. At least I think I am. If you say it enough it'll come true, right?"

I watched my father run a hand through his dark hair and then down the side of his cheek. He looked tired, clearly he didn't sleep much like the rest of us. Abel stirred in my arms so I rubbed his back gently. "You look so much like your mother did when she had you…"

I hadn't noticed Deacon was staring at me. I couldn't help but smile at the mention of my mom. That wound was still fresh, but I loved to talk about her and think about her even if it hurt like hell.

"I'm sorry about this. What happened last night, it shouldn't have happened, at all." Deacon said, growing serious suddenly. It was almost as if he were blaming himself for what happened last night. But why? I noticed he was drinking a glass of bourbon and it wasn't even noon yet.

He took a long swig of the amber liquid in his glass and focused his attention on Clay and Tig walking into the chapel. Jax made his way across the room as Deacon left my side to get a refill.

"We're about to head in and talk this shit through. Gemma's upstairs in my room if you wanna hand off the little dude and take a break." Jax said, slipping his hand onto my hip. He rubbed Abel's back and stared at us adoringly.

A smirk tugged at his lips. God, that smirk could make me go weak in the knees. Hell, it is making me go weak in the knees. "What are you smirking at, Teller?"

"You take my breath away sometimes, you know that?" He continued smirking and leaned into kiss me. His hand slipped onto my ass as I pulled away breaking the kiss, grinning.

"Lets go!" Clay called out, standing in the doorway to the chapel. One by one the guys headed inside. I wanted to know so badly if they knew who was behind Donna's murder.

Opie wasn't here, but Piney was. I'd hugged him when we first arrived and could tell he'd been crying all night.

Jax patted my ass lightly and kissed my cheek as he walked past me to head inside, closing the doors behind him. A few croweaters mingled in the room, but made no attempt to talk to me. Karlie wasn't here today, so I decided to go check in with Gemma. I was that desperate. Abel's diaper felt full, which meant he needed to be changed. I grabbed his diaper bag off the bar and headed towards the stairs.

"Lets go see what grandma is doing." I whispered more to myself than Abel. I made my way upstairs and peered inside Jax's old dorm room. He told me he wouldn't be staying here at the club anymore unless he had too, since Abel was home and we were living together now. I liked knowing he would be home every night, no matter how late he came in.

Gemma was boxing up the remaining things Jax had left in the room. "You know I can do that, right? You don't have to do it."

Gemma looked up as we walked in the room. "It's alright, it's keeping my mind occupied. How's my grand-babies?" I sat the diaper bag down on the bed and pulled out a soft blanket to lay Abel down on.

"Both are good." I smiled, sitting down on the edge of Jax's old bed next to Abel. He was awake and looking up at me. "Hi, bug. Did you have a nice nap?" I whispered, kissing his nose.

Gemma taped up a box and shoved it towards the door beside a few others. I watched her pull an already half packed box out of the closet as I changed Abel's diaper. The box was torn and falling apart. "This is Jax's handy work." She muttered, pulling the contents out which consisted of dirty laundry. She smelled them and tossed them on the floor. "Some shit never changes."

"That is so gross." I whispered, laughing.

I finished changing Abel's diaper and tried to remember when he was last fed. It wasn't that long ago, so I was hoping he'd be okay. I ran my fingers up his chest quickly like I was tickling him and watched him smile.

"Huh?" Gemma said, holding up a towel she'd pulled out of the box. She opened the towel and I swear it looked like all the blood drained from her face. She absently made her way towards the bed and sat down allowing me to get a view of what she'd unraveled out of the towel.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

In her hands she held the charred remains of Jax's fathers manuscript.

Gemma stared down at the pages like they were going to come to life. From the looks of it this was the first time she'd ever seen the manuscript. I knew Jax didn't want anyone to know about the manuscript, so I decided to play dumb. "What's that?"

"You've never seen this?" Gemma snapped, turning around to face me.

I glanced at it and shrugged my shoulders. "Nope. Hence why I asked what it was."

"It's nothing, nothing but garbage." Gemma muttered, wrapping it back in the towel. She tossed it on the floor by the trash can and went back to unloading the dirty laundry from the box…

 **A/N: Thank you for the lovely reviews! :)**


	81. Chapter 81: The Revalator Part II

**Chapter 81**

 **Jax's Point of View**

Chibs finished sweeping the room for bugs and then took his seat. The tension in the room was palpable. We were all on edge over Donna getting killed last night. I sighed, resting my elbows on the wooden table before me and let my eyes trace over the carvings of the reaper in the center of the table as everyone settle in.

Clay turned in his chair at the head of the table to face everyone. His chair squeaked in protest. "How is he?"

I glanced up at him having no idea how to answer that question. "I honestly don't know."

"How do you think he is?" Piney shot out gruffly at the other end of the table. Deacon lit a cigarette filling the room with a haze of smoke. I decided to join in and lit one too.

"There's no viewing. Funeral's tomorrow. Ope said it's what she wanted." I explained, letting out a shaky breath. I can't stop myself from imagining it being Rowan instead of Donna. The thought alone sends my head into a tailspin and my heart to my stomach. Every time I look at her I see her covered in Donna's blood and think that it could have just as easily been her own blood staining her clothes.

"Well, let's get people down for this. I want a good show of support." Clay insisted. He seemed genuinely distraught over Opie's heartache and loss. Something I hadn't really expected from him. For some reason it just didn't sit well with me.

All the years I've known Clay he's never been an emotional man. The only emotion he knows how to convey well is anger.

"Happy's already in town. I'll start making some calls." Juice said, sitting beside me. Sometimes I thought the poor bastard was Clay's secretary.

Clay shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose as I let out a puff of smoke. He rested his palms on the table. "I gotta take responsibility for this." He started… causing me to look directly at him. My hear rate increased slightly as I waited for him to elaborate. "I was the one that pushed for that deal with the Mayans. I knew there was gonna be some kind of... Niner blowback, but, I never thought it would reach this far, go this way."

A breath escaped my lungs I hadn't even realized I was holding.

"We all voted yes on that Mayan deal, brotha." Chibbs said.

Tig, always one to jump to Clays side chimed in shortly thereafter. "Nobody seen this comin."

"Yeah, but it happened. So how do we handle it?" Piney questioned, growing more and more agitated at the fact that we were just sitting here essentially shooting the shit over this whole situation.

I watched Piney twist the oxygen tubes running from his portable tank around and around. His face was bloodshot and even under the stench of the cigarette smell in the room I could smell the alcohol seeping out of his pores.

"The Niners are gonna be dealt with. But right now, let's just walk through this, be there for Ope." Clay assured him, or thought he was assuring him. Piney's fist slammed down on the table unexpectedly. "We help Ope by settling the score. We track down Laroy and put a bullet in that nigger's head."

His eyes locked on Clay.

Clay glanced at me, looking for a little assistance, but I didn't have any to give. I agreed with Piney. If Laroy and the Niners were behind this, they had to pay.

The only question is, did they do this?

If. Maybe. A possibility.

"Now, what are you lookin' at him for? I'm the one talkin' to you." Piney said through gritted teeth. "Piney, why don't we take a walk. You can cool down and screw your head back on right. " Deacon said, patting his shoulder next to him trying to calm him down a bit, but it did no good. He shrugged Deacon's hand away and continued to glare at Clay.

"I know, brother. I know you're hurtin'. You think you're tryin' to help…but." Clay began saying. "Don't you tell me what I'm thinkin'! You know, if this happened to your family... there'd be six charters halfway to Oakland. And you," Piney turned on Deacon suddenly, "if it were your little girl that had been gunned down like an animal, you'd be out there going door to door making Rambo look like a pussy! So don't tell me I need to cool off god dammit."

"This did happen to my family!" Clay snarled back, smacking the table.

"No, it didn't! The Niners came gunnin'for my son. They killed my daughter-in-law. You got that? Huh? You got that kind of hole in your family? Any of you? No! It happened to my boy, and my family!" Piney hollered. His face contorted in pain. My heart ached for him and for my best friend.

Piney got up and kicked his chair back, before storming out of the room. Deacon snubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray on the table. "I'll go."

"I'll come too." I said, rising to my feet and following him out of the room.

I followed after Deacon and Piney. Rowan was walking into the main room as I was about to walk outside. "Jax!" She called after me. I held the door for her and waited for her to catch up. "What's up?"

"We need to talk." She whispered, following me towards Piney and Deacon standing by their bikes. "It's about Gemma." Rowan continued to press as she walked beside me.

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. There was always something going on with my mother. "Let me handle one catastrophe at a time, okay?" I glanced at her as I walked. She held her hands up in mock surrender.

Piney got on his bike as we approached. Deacon had his hands on his hips and was shaking his head, at a loss. From the looks of it they'd exchanged words and it didn't go well.

"Where the hell are you goin' Piney?" I demanded. Piney locked eyes with me and looked like he was about to punch something. He hated sometimes that he had to answer to a guy younger than him, after he helped found this club. But I'm the Vice President and he does have to fucking answer to me.

I sighed. "Look, man, nobody wants to even this out more than me. Let's just bury Donna and get Opie through this and then we'll do what needs to be done."

"Opie needs you now more than ever, Piney. Your grandkids need you too. I don't know where you're running off to right now, but remember who you have counting on you." Rowan said beside me.

Piney's eyes softened ever so slightly as he looked at Rowan, but turned cold once again. I appreciated that she was trying to help more than she'd ever know.

"I know what my family needs." Piney said, starting his bike. It roared to life shaking the ground. He glared at me as I stood next to him and without warning took off out of the lot nearly running my damn foot over in the process.

"You know where he's going?" I asked Deacon. He shook his head. "Probably to get himself killed, no doubt."

Jesus Christ. I spotted Half Sac across the lot unloading a car off the tow truck that had been brought into the shop. "Hey prospect!" I called him over. He sprinted across the lot. "Keep an eye on the old man." I gestured to Piney waiting at the gate to exit onto the main road.

Half Sac nodded. "Where's he going?"

"I don't know. That's why you're following him, dumbass. Go. Call me if he does anything stupid." I ordered. The prospect sprinted to his bike and did his best to not let Piney know he was tailing him out of the lot.

I was fed up with this damn day and it wasn't even half over yet. Rowan touched my shoulder causing me to look at her. She gave me a small smile. "You should go easy on him. He looks up to you."

"Yeah." I half laughed, slipping my hand onto the small of her back. She reached up and tucked my hair behind my ear. Deacon cleared his throat interrupting our moment.

"You really buying that the Niners are behind this?" Deacon questioned me, watching me. He seemed as skeptical as I was.

"Clearly you don't think that. What the hell do you believe happened then?" I asked him. I was beginning to think that I wasn't the only one who suspected Clay was behind this.

"I don't know what to believe, but someone needs to find out what the fuck happened." He looked at me pointedly. Without another word he stormed off back into the clubhouse.

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes letting the sun beat down on my face. I took a few deep breaths and felt Rowan wrapping her arms around my waist. I smiled half heartedly and pressed the side of my face against her head, wrapping my arms around her tightly, breathing in the scent of her coconut shampoo.

Here lately I haven't been certain about a lot of things in my life, but this, her in my arms. I'm certain of this. I'm certain of how much I love her.

I was just started to relax and feel some of the tension leaving my neck when she spoke. "Your mom found John's manuscript upstairs."

And the tension is back.

We both pulled apart enough to look at each other. "She was repacking a box and found it wrapped in a towel. Judging by the look on her face she doesn't know what it is."

"What did you say?" I questioned, rubbing my chin.

Rowan shrugged. "I played dumb. I acted like I didn't know what it was. I just thought you should know that she's seen it."

"What did she do with it?"

"She tossed it on the floor like it was trash. We both know she's not throwing it out." Rowan stated.

"Alright, if she asks you anything else about it or shows it to you, just blow it off. I wanna see what she does." I told her walking around and sitting down on my bike. "I'm gonna go check in on Ope again. Make sure Mary is doing alright with the kids."

"Okay," Rowan nodded, standing beside my bike. I rested my hand on her hip and looked up at her. "I'm heading out to my doctors appointment. Your mom is watching Abel."

I sighed, not wanting her going anywhere alone. "Have Juice drive over with you." I put my helmet on.

Rowan half laughed. "Jax, I'm going to St. Thomas. I'll be okay. Plus, Juice does not want to sit in the gynecologist waiting room." She placed her hands on my cheeks and kissed me. She pulled back ever so slightly, our lips still barely touching. I gripped the nape of her neck and pulled her close one more time letting my lips encase hers.

"Call me after." I reminded her. Rowan smiled and assured me she would. I watched her walk to my truck and get inside.

- **SOA** -

 **Rowan's Point of View**

My doctors appointment went about as I had expected. I met Dr. Abbot. He was an older man in his sixties with white hair and a beard. I was a little uncertain about having someone of his age guiding me through my pregnancy, but he sweetly assured me that all of his faculties were in check and he was more than up to the task of bringing my baby into the world.

I left with a prescription for prenatal vitamins and with a few less ounces of my own blood. The ultrasound he did end up performing let me know that I was a little over seven weeks pregnant.

Dr. Abbot estimated my due date around August. We'd have a little summer baby. I smiled sitting behind the wheel of Jax's truck. I laid the pamphlets I'd grabbed in the waiting room and the prescription in the passenger seat so I could find my phone.

I tried to call Jax, but it went straight to voicemail. As I was pulling out of my parking spot my phone rang. I answered it without looking at the caller ID. "Hey, Jax!"

"Uh, no, sorry this is Half Sac. Eddie."

"Oh, hey! What's up?" I was surprised to hear him on the other end of the line.

"I've been trying to get ahold of Jax and he's not answering his phone. Is he with you?" Eddie asked, his voice crackling due to my poor phone service. I could hear the stress in his voice and wondered what the hell was going on.

"No, he's not with me. What's going on?" I pressed.

"Um, well I followed Piney like Jax asked me too and he's about to walk into a bar full of Niners looking for Donna's shooter and I'm not really equipped to back him up here."

My heart hammered in my chest as I gripped the wheel with one hand. "Eddie you can't let him go in there!" I shouted through the phone. A wave of nausea hit me at the thought of something else happening to Opie's family. "Where are you? I'm coming to you."

"I don't think that's a good idea!" Eddie protested. I rolled my eyes.

"Where the hell are you?" I demanded again.

"38th and Allendale." He conceded, quickly. I made a U-Turn and headed that way.

"Has he gone inside yet?" I passed a car that was going slower than a turtle.

"No, he's just been sitting on his bike staring at the place."

"I'm on my way. Keep calling Jax, maybe he'll pick up. Until then keep Piney from going inside!"

"How do you want me to do that exactly?" I could practically picture Eddie standing there scratching his head in confusion and frustration.

I sighed. "I don't know! Strangle him with his oxygen tubes if you have too! Shoot him in the foot! Something! I'm five minutes away!" I hung up and tossed my phone on the passenger seat so I could concentrate on the road.

38th and Allendale was all the way in Oakland. I'd gone to a few parties in this area with Lena a while back. It was a basically the ghetto. The houses were crammed together and practically built right on the street, leaving them with no front yards. A liquor store and pawn shop could be found on every other corner. I'd seen Niner tags plastered all over the underpasses and abandoned buildings growing up, they never had much meaning to me.

Now they do.

I spotted Piney and Eddie standing on the sidewalk arguing in front of a rundown cement brick building. Half of it was painted purple; a Niner's signature color. I parked Jax's truck on the other side of the street and got out, jogging across the street when it was safe to do so.

"Piney!" I hissed, walking up behind him. I couldn't believe he would do something this reckless and with no regard for his own safety. "What the fuck are you doing here? Besides obviously trying to get yourself killed!" I tossed my hands in the air.

Piney glanced at me over his shoulder and I saw his shoulders sag as he rolled his eyes. In one swift movement he jammed his fist into Eddie's stomach, causing him to double over in pain. "What kinda idiot are you, callin' her down here? Huh? Are you stupid!"

"No, but you are!" I grabbed his arm making him look at me. "What are you doing here, Piney?"

He pulled back his cut, revealing a handgun. "I'm getting justice for my daughter in law, for my son!" He growled back at me. "You don't belong out here, sweetheart. You go on back to the clubhouse."

He tried to walk past me, but I stepped in front of him. Eddie was still trying to catch his breath, being completely useless to me right at the moment. I let out a shaky breath. "You can't do this! Think about Opie!" I protested, growing angrier by the second.

Piney looked over his shoulder at a gasping Eddie and said, "Quit milking it, shithead. I sucker punched you. Let's go get this party started."

He tried to walk past me, but again I stopped him. He leveled me with a glare. I returned it. "Listen to me, I know you are hurting! I know you want revenge, okay? I get that. I want it too. Donna dying was senseless and heartbreaking." Tears prickled the back of my eyes as I spoke. I glanced over my shoulder to see Eddie holding his phone up to his ear. I was praying to god that he got through to Jax. "Opie just lost his wife. Your grandkids just lost their mother! Don't make them lose anyone else because you want to recklessly avenge her! Be smart!"

For a moment I thought I might have persuaded him to let this go. His eyes softened as he looked at me. A sad grin formed on his lips. "You're one hell of an old lady darling. But you ain't mine. Now step aside." He demanded.

"No." I snapped back. If he thinks I'm backing down he's got another thing coming.

I was well aware of the eyes that were watching us. It seemed like everyone on the street had us on their radar. I felt uneasy and extremely uncomfortable.

Piney grumbled under his breath as he tried to push past me once again. I decided to take a play out of his book an found myself elbowing him in the ribs. It did nothing to stop him though. "Did you just hit me?" He half laughed.

"Maybe…"

"Felt like a damn gnat hitting me." He laughed. "I didn't wanna have to do this, but…" Piney said slowly, before kicking me in the shin. The point of his leather boot hit down to the bone and made me stumble back, almost falling down. I grabbed my shin feeling the burning sting radiating through my calf and watched as Piney waltzed into the building.

"Crazy asshole." I muttered, grabbing Eddie's cut and dragging him inside with me after Piney. If we don't all die in here I'm killing Piney myself.


	82. Chapter 82: The Revalator Part III

**Chapter 82**

 **Jax's Point of View**

Opie wasn't up for much company and I didn't blame him. We had a few beers in the back yard and sat in silence before I decided to just let him be. Everyone grieves in their own way and Opie was shutting down, whereas when Rowan's mom died she fell apart. My stomach twisted in knots all the way back to the clubhouse. I pulled in just in time to see the guys gathering around our lawyer Rosen. Just one of the many lawyers Clay has paid off to have in our corner. There isn't much in this world that cold hard cash can't buy.

I removed my helmet and headed over to where they were all standing around his Benz. Rosen was a straight shooter whose helped us out on more than one occasion. Most recently being all this shit with Bobby and the Hefner bullshit.

"Whats going?" I asked, removing my sunglasses and running a hand through my hair.

Rosen took a deep breath, straightening out his tie before looking up at Clay. "I wanted to tell you this in person."

"This doesn't sound good." Clay interjected before Rosen even had time to explain. I crossed my arms over my chest and nodded for him to continue.

"I'm afraid it's not good news. The US Attorney is releasing the details on the witness at 5:00pm today. At 5:01pm ATF is presenting their case…against Opie Winston for the murder of Brennan Hefner. They're going to bring him in for a lineup and from what the prosecution has shared he's not going back home." Rosen explained, not sugar coating a damn thing. I shook my head and felt the rising anger inside of me beginning to bubble over.

The guys were feeling the same thing I was. Explicits flew through the air like the wind. "Jesus Christ." I whispered more to myself than anyone else. Opie can't go to prison for this. His kids can't lose anyone else. Not now.

I glanced around looking at everyone and noticed Deacon wasn't here. I don't know where he went, but he left before I did earlier.

"So what do we know, Rosen?" Clay asked, steering the conversation into something we could maybe use to get Opie out of this mess. I was all ears.

Rosen shielded his eyes from the sun with his hand as he looked at Clay and the rest of us. "There's an eyewitness. They were most likely a resident. They offered Witness Protection which means whoever it is; they're on lockdown."

"Opie buries his wife tomorrow." I said, hearing the own desperation in my voice.

Rosen gave us a sympathetic look. "I'll drag my feet. Try and see that they don't bring him in too early." He offered. I nodded my head in app reaction. Rosen turned and opened his car door, looking over his shoulder at us. "I'll have my office call you about my retainer." And with that he got in his car and pulled away.

We stood there stunned for a brief moment before making our way over into one of the empty garage bays. Tig cleared out G and Dog, two of our mechanics so we could sort this shit out in private. I leaned against a toolbox as Juice pulled the garage door closed half way behind him. I ran a hand down the side of my face and sighed.

For a brief moment my mind wondered to Rowan. I checked the time on my phone. Her doctors appointment was over an hour ago. I should have heard from her. Actually, she should have been back at the clubhouse by now; my truck wasn't in the lot. I slipped my phone back in my pocket as Clay sidled up next to me.

"Their whole case on Bobby and Opie is that witness. Without him they've got nothing." Clay sliced his hand across the air in front of him.

"So we gotta get to him." Tig stated. Meaning we had to take out the witness.

"Like kill him?" Juice asked hesitantly. He crossed his arms over his chest and eyed Tig. I pinched the bridge of my nose. I wasn't in the mood to deal with Juice lagging behind today.

"He's a rat. Rats deserve to die. End of story." Tig clarified with just a little bit too much malice in his tone for my liking. I eyed him, but said nothing. Juice shut up and stared at the floor.

"Witness Protection means safe house. Twenty four hour protection. It's a dead end." I said.

"It can't be." Clay snapped back harshly. "Opie goes back to prison, what happens to his kids? What, the states gonna give em' to Piney or Mary? They're gonna end up in the system!"

"And let's not forget about Bobby. He got ID'd because he was cleaning up after Opie's mistake." Tig added in.

This whole situation was fucked.

"If we do this it's gotta be before the funeral tomorrow. Opie's family can't take another hit." I looked at Clay. For once he nodded in agreement with me. It seems like all we've been doing lately is locking horns over everything and now he's all about being a team again. I was glad, but suspicion still lingered in the back of my mind as I spoke. "Maybe Trammel can help. If the safe house is in San Joaquin county, he's probably got sheriffs on him."

"That's good." Clay agreed. "Call Happy. I'm sure one of his smiley face tats is for a dead witness." He told Juice. I scoffed feeling my phone vibrating in my pocket.

I dug it out answered it without looking at the ID. "Yeah?" I was hoping to hear Rowan's sweet voice on the other end.

"Jax. Hey, man, I got, like a serious problem here." Half Sac said into the phone. His voice was full of panic. "I followed Piney into Oakland."

"What the fuck is he doing in Oakland?" I snapped, annoyed. This is exactly what the fuck we need right now. Clay stared at me shaking his head and clenching his jaw shut.

"It looks like he's going into a bar, but there are Niner tags everywhere." Half Sac continued piling on the good news. Son of a bitch.

I paced the floor. "Jesus Christ. Piney went lookin for Laroy!" I told Clay over the phone.

"Goddammit!" He cussed and kicked over a toolbox.

"Crazy bastard." Tig half laughed to himself.

"Uh, Jax, there's more and you're not gonna like it." Half sack said, his voice crackling over the phone.

"What else?" I snapped, harshly.

"You see I was trying to get ahold of you and I couldn't so I called Rowan and she answered. She knew something was wrong and I told her what was going on. She's here too, trying to talk some sense into Piney." I felt my blood run cold. Rowan was in Niner territory without any protection. By now they had to know that she belongs to me which makes her an even bigger target for backlash.

"Why the fuck is she there?! Why would you fucking tell her where' you were dumbass?" I yelled into the phone, trying to control my breathing.

"She wouldn't take no for answer and, well, she scares me a little to be honest." Sac replied.

"Where are you?" I snapped into the phone.

"38th and Allendale."

"We're on our way. I swear to god if anything happens to her, I'll kill you!" I hissed before hanging up the phone and flinging it across the garage. It hit the cement flooring and shattered instantly. Which I regretted doing immediately because now I need a new phone.

"Go get him out of there!" Clay ordered. "We'll deal with the Niners later. Jesus Christ."

"I'm going. Someone call Deacon and tell him his crazy ass daughter just walked into a fucking Niner bar." I spat before heading to my bike with Chibbs at my side.

- **SOA** -

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Eddie and I followed Piney into the dark bar. A young black woman stood behind the bar cleaning glasses. She looked at us like we were lost. I suppose we were. Piney nodded his head at her as I grabbed his shoulder. "Let's go! Now." I hissed under my breath. Piney ignored me and searched the few faces sitting at the bar. The place was full of a smoker haze that made me wanna gag.

"If you're looking for the assisted living home, it's two blocks south." The girl behind the bar stated, giving us a pointed look.

We were clearly not welcome here.

That much was obvious.

"Thank you." I said breathlessly, stepping in front of Piney and attempting to push him backwards with my hand on his chest. It was like trying to move a fucking brick wall. "You hear that gramps? Let's get you back to the home! Your dementia is flaring up again." I gritted my teeth.

"Don't worry I got all the assistance I need." Piney said reaching into his cut and placing his hand on his gun.

He pushed my hand away and stepped around me like I wasn't even there. All I could do was stand there and watch as he headed into the back room towards two men that were sitting in a booth playing poker.

I followed after him, unsure of what else I could possibly do, looking over my shoulder to make sure Eddie was coming too. I knew this was a bad idea and obviously dangerous, but I couldn't just walk out and leave Piney and Eddie in here.

Eddie was reluctantly staying close to my back. He looked like he was a bit intimidated by all of this.

Not gonna lie, so was I. But I wasn't letting it show. At least I hoped I wasn't. I looked down to see my hands were shaking slightly. It's clearly showing…

"What kinda shit is this!?" One of the men wearing a black tank top said, springing to their feet to confront Piney. The other man that was sitting down too stood up and closed in on Piney as well.

Both men were two times the size of Eddie and myself. All of a sudden I wanted Jax more than anything else in the world. I wanted his steady arm around me and reassuring blue eyes looking into my own.

"I'm just looking for a friend." Piney simply stated like this was just some sort of causal conversation between two old friends.

My heart hammered in my chest as I glanced over at Eddie. His eyes were darting around the room. Great, he's panicking too.

We are so screwed.

"You ain't got no friends here." The man snarled at Piney, getting in his face. I inched closer to Piney and noticed the second guy that was seated at the table doing the same thing.

This was about to turn into something it didn't need to.

Piney noticed the man closing in as did I. Everything moved in slow motion for a moment. Before I even knew what was happening I'd grabbed the oxygen tank that was hooked to Piney's belt and swung up into the guys chin, knocking him back on his ass; all the while Piney pulled his gun on the dick standing in front of him.

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" Eddie yelled as he pulled his gun and pointed it at the guy that was coming up behind us.

I stood there frozen waiting to hear that earth shattering piercing sound of the gun in Piney's hand going off. I squeezed my eyes shut and breathed heavily. Why the hell did I just do? Why the hell am I even here? Because you care, you idiot. Me caring about people is going to be the death of me.

"Piney stop!?" I yelled, feeling my pulse rocketing inside of me. For a moment we were all at a stalemate. No one moved. No one spoke. I glared up at Piney, who showed no signs of backing down.

"Well, this escalated quickly." I snapped at him.

"What the hell is this white bitch even doing in here?" The dude with gun pointed at him said. I whipped my head around and glared at him. "This white bitch, is trying to keep you from getting two in the chest. So I suggest you shut the hell up!" I spat back. "Please…" I added as an after thought.

"Where's Laroy?" Piney demanded. I'm assuming this Laroy guy is the man in charge of the Niners, the man that would make the call to off Opie's wife or not.

"You want to get yourself killed old man?" The guy in the line of fire spat out. If looks could kill Piney would be dead on the floor right now.

Piney inched closer pressing the point of the gun into the guys forehead and I stepped back cautiously.

"Well, I'm ready for that. Are you?" Piney hissed, jamming the tip of his gun into the guys chest more.

- **SOA-**

 **Jax's Point of View**

Chibbs and I pulled into the alleyway beside the bar at the same time Laroy was. My only thought was getting inside and getting Rowan out of there as soon as possible. If a fucking hair on her head was touched I'd kill em' all. Laroy eyed me as I got off my bike and removed my helmet.

The amount of distrust between the two of us couldn't be measured there was too much of it.

"We got a problem." He said, looking me dead in the eye. Yeah, if Rowan's hurt we do have a fucking problem.

"Well, then safety's off." Chibbs said behind me as we followed Laroy into the bar. I removed the safety on my gun and slipped it back into my cut, for once praying I wouldn't have to use it.

We followed Laroy through the dank bar and stopped when we came to the back room. There sitting in a booth sat Piney, holding one of Laroy's boys at gunpoint and Rowan and the prospect. I saw relief wash over Rowan as soon as our eyes met. She looked fine, other than being a little shaken up. I could live with that. As long as things stayed that way.

Rowan got up and walked over to me, wrapping her arms around my neck tightly. I pressed my face against the side of hers, my jaw ridged. I breathed in her familiar scent and felt part of myself relax knowing she was alright. I wanted to kiss her and hold her in my arms, but I was so pissed off at her for showing up here I couldn't even look at her.

Even as angry as I was with her I couldn't resist slipping my hand around onto the small of her back and holding her briefly for a moment before letting her go.

She didn't say anything. She just stood beside me and looked at Laroy and then me and then back at Piney. "Go wait outside." I told her, still not making eye contact.

Rowan said nothing and turned to walk out, but stopped when Laroy stepped in her path. I reached inside my cut and placed my hand on my gun. "No. She stays. I want her here to keep you properly in check." Laroy instructed looking at Rowan. He already knew she was my weakness and that I wouldn't do anything stupid with her here.

 **A/N: Thank you so much for all the love! You guys are simply amazing! You have no idea how much your reviews/follows/favs mean to me! I know I say that all the time, but it's true! You've helped me get through so much, and in the spirit of the holidays and just in general I wanted to say thank you. I hope Santa leaves Charlie Hunnam under your tree! ;)**

 **Rowans insta page hit 100 followers! Woot! You can check it out here: collins_rowan**


	83. Chapter 83: The Revalator Part IIII

**Chapter 83**

 **Jax's Point of View**

"Crazy old man." I muttered under my breath.

Piney was sitting in the booth with his revolver still pointed at one of Laroy's men. Rowan stood beside me, unable to leave thanks to Laroy now. I wanted her out of here in case this shit went south. I needed some assurance that she'd be okay in here. Instinctively, I stepped in front of her keeping her behind my shoulder, trying to keep her and the baby somewhat protected, just in case this didn't go well. Which there's a 50/50 chance that it won't. I felt her slip her hand into the crook of my elbow gently letting me know she knew what I was doing. She kept her hand there letting me know that she was still behind me. That she was okay and I didn't need to worry for the moment.

To most people it was just a simple touch, but for us, it was so much more. We knew each other's body language like the back of our hands. If I moved, she moved.

"This doesn't involve you Jax!" Piney shouted. "One of these…assholes… killed Donna. I'm gonna make that right."

"What the hell is he talkin' bout?" Laroy hissed. I could tell his patience was wearing thin. In all honesty, so was mine.

I glared at Piney as I leaned over into Laroy's ear. "I get him to put down the revolver, you guarantee we all walk out of here alive?"

Laroy eyed me cautiously, thinking my proposal over thoughtfully. He glanced at Rowan standing behind me. I watched him watching her and vice versa. She leveled him with a glare, but said nothing. The part of me that wasn't absolutely livid with her right now was actually proud of her right for handling herself like this. After what felt like forever a smirk tugged at his lips. "Yeah. Okay…" He agreed, nodding his head slightly.

Shaking my head, I walked over to the table Piney was seated at. He kept the revolver aimed at Laroy's guy and looked up at me. "Piney, put down the gun." I demanded.

"I ain't leavin' until the nigger that killed Donna is dead. You understand me?" He refused and clicked off the safety. I glanced over at the prospect sitting beside him for some assistance. Eddie discreetly scooted closer to Piney and in one swift movement elbowed Piney in the gut allowing me to grab the gun out of his hand.

"You stupid shithead!" Piney grumbled, reaching over and smacking Eddie upside the back of the head.

I slipped the gun in the waistband of the back of my jeans and turned around to face Laroy. "Come with me, baby." He ushered Rowan forward, gently touching her arm. I hated that he called her baby and the way he looked at her fucking rack when he said it. I couldn't check him on it because I want to get her out of here as quickly and safely as possible.

I hated that he was touching her, even though it was only his fingertips on her arm. I hated that he knew what she even looked like. I hated that she was here witnessing all this bullshit.

"Well, now that we are all a little calmer why don't we sit down and have a chat about all this." Laroy said. He motioned for half Sac to beat it and gestured for Rowan and I to take a seat in the booth.

Rowan slid in next to Piney and I joined her, followed by Laroy. I watched Rowan let out a shaky breath out of the corner of my eye and couldn't resist slipping my hand onto her thigh under the table and giving it a light squeeze. For the first time since I walked in here I looked her in the eye for a split second.

She didn't look scared or shaken up anymore, she looked relieved that I was by her side. I wouldn't be relieved until she was out of her and back at the fucking clubhouse. I removed my hand from her thigh as Laroy lit up a cigarette and settled into his seat. I clenched my jaw shut and glared at him.

"Sweetheart, you wanna tell me how my boy ended up with a broken nose?" Laroy asked Rowan, gesturing towards his guy sitting at the bar with a bloody rag over his nose. I couldn't help but fight back at grin at that sight.

"My names Rowan, not honey or sweetheart or baby. So you can just drop that bullshit right now. As far as your boys nose getting broke. I was just defending myself." She stated, looking Laroy dead in the eye. Her voice never wavered. She crossed her arms over her chest and held his gaze. "And for the record it's not broken."

Laroy stared at her and chuckled before taking a hit off his cigarette.

"What the hell are your people doing walking up into my house?" Laroy demanded, looking at me now. He seemed like he literally had no fucking clue why one of us would be here. That surprised the shit outta me. If he was behind Opie's hit, he should have been expecting retaliation.

"I don't know why don't you tell us!" Piney said, slamming his hand down on the table. "You niggers started this at the Mayan gun sale; then came at us again when you went after my goddam boy! I'm just here to finish it!"

"Noise we made at the Mayan gun sale was about how pissed off we are." Laroy tossed out, glaring at me. His patience with Piney was all but gone. "But if we wanted your cracker asses dead you'd be dead!"

"Someone last night in a gangster SUV gunned down my daughter! Now that smells like nigger revenge to me!" Piney shot back. I shot him a glare, hinting for him to keep himself in check but it was useless.

"Nigger, nigger, nigger, nigger." Laroy said under his breath shaking his head. "Old fat bastard says nigger one more time and that walking out of here alive card goes out the door." He hissed at us. I gritted my teeth and felt Rowan's knew bouncing against my leg under the table. Without thinking I put my hand on it, stilling it instantly.

"Someone went after one of my guys. Killed his wife by mistake and almost killed mine in the process as well." I clarified.

Laroy leaned back in the booth and shrugged his shoulders. "It wasn't us."

"So this old fat bastard is supposed to believe you because you're what such an honorable black man?" Piney shouted across the table, taking his hand and swiping the playing cards that rested on the table flying onto the floor.

"Shut up!" I yelled at Piney, giving him one last chance to shut the fuck up.

If the Niners aren't behind Donna's death then who the fuck is?

Laroy chuckled finding this all amusing.

I looked back at him. "Your trouble with us- you work that out of your system? Or does this beef keep growing?" I questioned, wonder how much further Laroy and the Niners were willing to go to destroy us for trying to sell to the Mayans.

"Why do you keep talking to him about beefs?!" Piney roared, partially standing up. He towered over all of us, causing Laroy's guys to reach for their weapons.

"Piney! Let me handle this or I will kill you my goddamn self!" I shouted over Rowan so loud and forcefully it made her flinch and look the other way even though one of her hands intertwined with mine somehow in the process.

With her free hand she reached up and grabbed Piney by the cut and yanked him back down in the booth. "Would you shut the hell up? You've done enough damage for one day! I'm gonna have a bruise on my shin for a week you asshat! Just stop!" She hissed at him.

"Our business issues still need to be…worked out. But if my need to hurt SAMCRO took me to Charming and had me killing women, you really think we'd be sitting here?" Laroy said. He made a good point. "I'm tellin' you the truth. Niners didn't kill your daughter. Now I suggest you all find your way outta here…quickly."

Laroy rose from booth and walked over to the bar leaving us all stunned and somewhat speechless. Piney and I shared a glance with one another wondering what the hell just happened and who the fuck killed Donna if it wasn't the Niners.

Piney stormed out of the bar followed by Chibbs. Rowan, Half Sac and I were right behind them. Once we were back outside I turned my newfound anger over this whole situation on the prospect. As I walked past him I smacked him in the back of the head. "What the fuck were you thinking putting her in that situation? Are you fucking stupid." I yelled, slamming my hands into his chest.

"I-uh-didn't…" The prospect stuttered.

Rowan got in-between us, placing her hands on my chest, pushing me away from Eddie so I didn't completely lose my fucking temper. "Stop it! Me showing up here was not his fault! If you wanna be pissed, be pissed at me!"

"Don't fucking worry, there's enough anger to go around. What the fuck were you thinking?" I shouted at her, pulling her hands off my chest and staring into her mesmerizing blue eyes. "Old ladies don't do this kind of shit, Rowan!"

Her eyes turned grey like they do when she's pissed off as she glared at me. "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't get my copy of How To Be An Old Lady 101! I'll be sure to pick up one!" She shouted back at me as I gently grabbed her arm and walked her across the street to my truck. "I was thinking about Opie and his kids and how I didn't want to see anything happen to the family he has left!" She went on as I swung open the driver side door.

"You can't do shit like this? I thought you learned that after the warehouse! But clearly you haven't learned shit. Old ladies do what they're told, Rowan. I specifically told you to stay at the club and you didn't do it!" I snapped at her, feeling my heart pounding in my chest.

She pulled her arm out of my hand and crossed her arms over her chest standing by the truck. "I'm not an Old Lady, Jax! I'm just simply me. I couldn't not do something, because that's who I am! I care about Opie and his kids and I care about you! I didn't want to see anyone else I care about get hurt. Yes, it was stupid and reckless to march in there, but you do the same damn thing every day. You make choices that are dangerous and reckless, but that's okay?" She had tears in her eyes now threatening to spill over.

I was biting my tongue trying not to say something I wouldn't be able to take back. I tried to steady my breathing. "Get in the truck." She obeyed my order and got in the driver seat. I was about to slam the door shut when I paused. "You could have gotten yourself killed today. You do realize that, right?"

"Yeah, I do. I also realize that I can get killed crossing an intersection. I can get cancer and die. I can walk into a grocery store and have some crazy lunatic open fire and kill me. Life's a lot of truth or dares, Jax. So I took a chance, just like I take a chance every time I walk out the door or get behind the wheel of a car." She tapped the steering wheel. "You can't be mad at me for doing the same thing that you do!"

I could be as pissed off as I wanted right now. She scared the shit out of me even if she had a valid point. "Go back to the club where you belong and stay the fuck there." I spat, slamming the door shut harder than I needed too.

- **SOA-**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

After the events at the Niner bar with Laroy and Piney and my blowout with Jax I did as he told me and returned to the clubhouse. I checked in on Abel in the office with Gemma and told her about my doctors appointment. I decided to keep the fact that I followed Piney into a Niners bar to myself for the time being. Jax was already angrier than ever at me. I couldn't handle anyone else being pissed at me. She'd hear about it eventually anyway.

Shit.

Deacon's going to be livid too. Thankfully he wasn't here right now. Gemma said he left with Clay and some of the others to go talk to Oswald.

Leaving Abel with Gemma I decided to sit in one of Jax's favorite spots. The roof of the clubhouse. Even though I hated heights I climbed the stairs and took a seat on the cement block at the top. The wind blew, rustling my hair every which way. The sun felt good shining down on me.

I know what I did was dangerous for me and the baby. But I stand by it. But I also understand why Jax is so upset too.

I closed my eyes, resting a hand on my seven week old baby inside my stomach. The sound of a motorcycle pulling onto the lot caused me to open my eyes. I watched Jax park his bike and head for the office to see Gemma. He slammed the door shut behind him. No more than a few seconds passed and he was coming back out. He was heading straight for me.

I braced myself for his wrath as I heard him climbing the ladder. His face came into few and he caught my eyes. I held it as he finished claiming the rest of the way up onto the roof. "What are you doing up here? You hate heights…" He said, his voice was softer now, and he looked at me a bit more delicately than he had a few hours ago.

"I needed some air." I replied, as he sat down next to me. He rested his elbows on his knees and stared at his shoes. I could see the weight he was carrying in his shoulders. He was tense and ridged. I wanted to touch him, but I didn't know if he would even want me too. "You're talking to me. That's a good sign…on a scale of one to ten how pissed are you still at me?" I tested the waters.

Jax sighed as he straightened up and looked over at me. "I'm still at a fifteen on that. But as mad as I still am with you, there's no one else I'd rather talk to than you at the moment." He slipped his hand onto the small of my back as I turned to face him more. Our knees brushed together. "Look, I get why you did what you did today and I love you to death for it. I know you didn't grow up in this life and you're still learning, but since your with me and your old man's a member of this club you have to be just as careful as I do. You're my weakness, and I would do anything to keep you safe."

"You're my weakness, Jax. I know it was stupid for me to walk in there half cocked like that. I'm sorry that I scared you, but I'm not sorry that I tried to help protect Piney for Ope. I promise I won't do anything that reckless again though. Not while I'm pregnant at least." I half grinned, hoping he'd smile too.

He reached up and cradled my cheek in his hand, letting his thumb rub over my cheekbone gently. His hand was warm and smelled like his leather riding gloves. He stared at me so genuinely and then all of a sudden he chuckled, taking me by surprise. "We both know you're gonna do something this reckless and stupid again…"

I half laughed and felt tears welling in my eyes because of my stupid hormones. "I won't if you won't." That sentence caused him to press his forehead against mine. We both know this life is going to make us do crazy things. He leaned up and pressed his lips to my forehead gently. "Promise me next time you'll just come find me. Okay? I can lose a lot of things. But I can't lose you." He murmured against my forehead.

I rested my head on his shoulder and let him hold me against him. "I promise."

Jax exhaled a deep breath and I felt him kiss the crown of my head. "I'm seven weeks pregnant." I whispered. I felt him smile into my hair as his hand found my stomach. "Our baby is the size of a blueberry." I looked up at him and smiled. He squeezed my abdomen gently and kissed me on the lips.

"Seven weeks, huh?" He grinned coyly. I nodded. "You know what that means, right?" He chuckled, tucking some hair behind my ear.

I shook my head confused. He through his head black grinning. "It means I knocked you up the first time we had sex." He continued to grin proudly.

I slapped his shoulder playfully. "We used a condom, remember!" I pointed out.

"Well, it broke obviously." He smirked.

"I get it you're proud of that!" I kissed him. He laughed into my lips before deepening the kiss.

"Are you still mad at me?" I asked, between kisses. "On a scale of one to ten? I'm at an eleven." He mumbled back, pressing his lips against my own again. His hand slid down from my cheek to my neck and my shoulder. I slid my hand down his chest slowly, taking in every ridge from his abs beneath his shirt as I went. My hand finally rested over his growing hard on.

"What about now?" I whispered against his lips breathlessly.

"Are you trying to use sex to get back in my good graces?" Jax asked, smirking before taking my bottom lip between his teeth. A shot of pleasure ricocheted through my body straight to my core.

"Is it working?" I ran my hand back up his chest and around the nape of his neck, biting his earlobe.

"My anger is definitely subsiding tremendously at the moment." He breathed in my ear, clutching my thigh with his hand. A motorcycle roaring onto the lot broke our connection. Jax peered over the edge of the roof and saw that it was just Clay and his I felt his body stiffen. "Are you okay?" I asked, as he zeroed in on Clay getting off his bike.

"Yeah. I need you to take Abel home though. Can you do that for me? Just stay at the house with him. Please?" He cupped my chin and tilted it up so I was looking at him.

"Okay." I promised. "What's going on? You seem upset again?"

"I went to talk to Unser before I came here and learned a few things about Donna's death." He said.

"Like what? Does he know who did it?" I questioned, needing to know what he knew. If the Niners weren't behind Donna's death then who? As we were sitting in that bar earlier today listening to Laroy deny his involvement I found myself actually believing the guy.

We watched as Clay leisurely walked into Gemma's office.

"Just take Abel home. I promise I'll explain everything." Jax promised before getting to his feet.

 **A/N: Merry Christmas! The next chapter will most likely conclude the end of season one for this story! Thank you for all of the lovely reviews! You are all amazing!**


	84. Chapter 84: The Revalator Part V

**A/N: HAPPY NEW YEAR!? New year, new chapter! Don't worry this isn't the end of season one! Just wanted to post something as a treat for nye! :) Wishing you all a happy, wonderful, healthy new year!**

 **Chapter 84**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Jax placed his hand on my lower back steadying me as I climbed down off the last few rungs of the ladder. I turned to face him and placed my hand on the side of his neck. He leaned down and kissed the inner part of my wrist, tickling my skin with his beard. "I really am sorry for scaring you today."

"It's okay. Your heart was in the right place with it all. You're still not off the hook for it yet though." Jax smirked. "I'll see you at home in a bit. I won't be here much longer. We can talk about your punishment then."

I raised an eyebrow. "My punishment?"

"I'm not letting you off that easy." He grabbed my hip and pulled me into him. God. I loved being this close to him. We shared a sweet gentle tender kiss on the lips that could have led to so much more. Instead it ended all too quickly and we ended up parting ways.

Jax headed inside the clubhouse and I headed for Gemma's office to get Abel with a smile on my face that could rival any 8th grade girls after she's just been kissed for the first time.

The window to the office was cracked open so as I approached I could hear Clay and Gemma talking on the inside. It sounded heated so I hesitated at the door not wanting to interrupt. I was about to knock though when a name caught my attention.

My hand froze mid air, knuckles curled.

"John is speaking to him from the goddamn grave!" Gemma hissed, bordering on hysterical. It took me a moment to realize she was talking about Jax's fathers manuscript. "I told you to nail Jax down and bring him closer. You needed to reign him in!"

"This is just a bunch of words. It's bullshit!" Clay replied back. I heard the distinct sound of papers being slammed onto the desk with a dramatic thwack.

I shouldn't be eavesdropping. I should walk away right now, but I need to get Abel. My feet stayed planted outside of the door as my ears strained to hear over the whirring of the machinery in the garage.

"It means everything to my Jax! I know my son! He is restless just like his old man was. He's always looking for something more; the reasons why. This shit is gonna send him on a destiny run! Reading those secrets, finding out about the Donna mistake! What happened to John! I cannot go through that again. Not with him!" Gemma said, her voice shook as it flowed out the window.

Woah.

What Donna mistake?

John died in a motorcycle accident…so what the hell is she going on about.

My heart came to a stand still as a realization set in.

Jax said that if Opie ratted them out to ATF things would be bad for him. But he couldn't have possibly meant that Clay or anyone would hurt him? And by hurt him I mean try to kill him.

It's not possible.

Unless it is.

There has to be a line drawn somewhere in all this, right? A moral code has to come into play at some point with this club, doesn't it?

Gemma said 'The Donna Mistake,' meaning maybe that bullet wasn't meant for Donna. It was meant for Opie. Hence the mistake.

No. I placed a hand over my mouth and strained my ears to keep listening. I needed to know what the hell they were talking about.

"Now, you listen to me. What he read there were the ramblings of a bitter, grieving coward! I mean look at it, it's half burned. It probably pissed him off. So don't tell me he's poisoned! And this shit with Donna- there's nothing for him to know. So you better calm the hell down. This is about your fear and your history! You stop bleeding all over him." Clay roared on the other side of the door. His voice went up two octaves as he must of moved closer to the door.

I quickly backed away from the door when I heard the door knob jiggle. I acted like I was just walking up to the door as it swung open. Clay and I almost collided with one another. "Sorry!" I half laughed nervously, stepping out of his way. He had a look of determination, or irritation I couldn't tell which, plastered across his face as he stormed past me without a word.

I stepped into the office, letting the door close behind me. Gemma was peeking at Clay through the blinds shaking her head. "You are losing control… just like he did." She muttered under her breath.

She must be referring to John.

My stomach twisted in knots thinking about the possibility that the club was behind Donna's death. I felt nauseated. My mind wondered to my father and if he would be a part of something like that? Suddenly, everything I knew seemed wrong.

Abel was still sound asleep in his carrier sitting on the couch in the corner of the office. How he slept through their argument was beyond me.I sat down beside him and buckled him into his seat so he would be all ready to go.

"Everything okay, Gemma? Clay looked a bit intense." I pried gently.

I noticed the charred remains of the manuscript lying on the desk by the keyboard. Every part of me wanted to pick them up and take them with me.

Gemma whirled around and looked at me, giving me a curt tight smile. "He's got a lot on his plate right now. This thing with Donna is taking more of a toll on him then he's letting on."

I'm sure it is, especially if he's behind it.

I nodded, feigning understanding. I wondered what Jax found out about the shooting and why he couldn't just tell me. Maybe this is why? He knows his own club was behind it? The thoughts swarmed around in my head like a reckless tornado with no abandon.

"Where are you taking Abel?" Gemma asked, looking down at his sleeping face.

I wanted nothing more than to get Abel home and away from here.

" Jax said he wouldn't be too much longer and told me to take this little bug home for the night." I smiled looking down at Abel and readjusted his blanket on him. "Where's his diaper bag?" I glanced around, but didn't see it.

"It's in the clubhouse still. You take care of my boys." Gemma said, squeezing my shoulder as I stood up. I picked up Abel's carrier and saluted her with my free hand.

"Always." I promised and with that headed towards the clubhouse to retrieve his diaper bag so we could get the hell out of here. As I walked I pulled my phone out of my pocket and texted my dad asking if he would drop by the house later.

- **SOA-**

 **Jax's Point of View**

Hale had only confirmed what I suspected deep down in my bones. After talking to Hale at the precinct earlier today everything began to click into place in my head. The suspicion I tried so hard to keep at bay rose up like a tidal wave right in front of my eyes. Clay was behind the death of Donna. He bought the tale Stahl wove in her web about Opie ratting Bobby out over the Hefner shit. Once he believed Opie had turned his death sentence was set in stone. He probably had Tig or Deacon be his little trigger bitch on the whole thing. No, not Deacon I thought after a moment. He's been too hot an cold over this whole situation, which means he knows or he suspected it all along like I had.

Clay. The fucking bastard lied to me, about it all. He gave me his goddamn word that Opie was safe and clear of this shit, but he wasn't telling the truth and now Donna is dead.

I have no way to prove it.

So I'm about to do the only thing I can do. Confront him. Maybe there's some small part of my step dad left that will own up to this mistake. If he denies it it'll be the last nail in the coffin.

The doors to chapel opened and Clay walked in. "You lookin' for me?" He asked as strode over to the head of the table and took a seat as if nothing were wrong. I stubbed my cigarette out in the ashtray on the table and rested my elbows on the edge of table, staring at him.

"Two days ago you sat there. You made me a promise. Told me Opie was safe. Now I'm asking you brother to brother, father to son. Just tell me the truth and I'll accept it, whatever it is." I scoffed, shaking my head wondering if I could really follow through with that even if he does come clean. "Did you try to kill Opie and kill Donna by mistake?"

Clay sat still as a statue as the question hung in the air around us for what felt like forever. I waited for him to just break down and tell me the fucking truth.

He sighed closing his eyes and when he opened them he looked directly at me. "I don't know who has been filling you head with this shit son. I love Opie. I loved Donna. I'd never do nothing to hurt them."

A short breath escaped my lips. He was denying. I don't know why I thought he would Confess the truth to me to begin with. The amount of rage and hatred coursing through my veins at the moment was causing my heart to hammer in my ears. This would destroy our club. More importantly, it would destroy Opie.

Clay eyed me intently, waiting for my reaction. He knows I know. He has too. He just doesn't have the balls to say anything.

I nodded my head, pushing my chair back and stood up. As I rounded the table Clay spoke. "This is a rough time for SAMCRO, Jax. But we better put this shit behind us. Suspicion, resentment. That kind of thing eats up morale. It fractures a charter."

Turning on my heel to face him I leveled him with a glare. "Yeah. It's true."

"You got a family now, Jax. Abel. A beautiful girl. Another baby on the way. Be smart." Clay advised. He can take his advice and shove it up his own ass.

"Oh, don't worry. I will be." I nodded and gave him a smug look before walking out and slamming the door behind me as hard as possible. Juice was sitting at the bar on his laptop, while Rowan was packing up Abel's diaper bag on the couch. She looked up at me and then towards the chapel, wondering why I'd just slammed the door.

Every part of me wanted to hit something. And I knew just who I wanted to hit. I marched over to Juice at the bar. "You know where Tig is?" I asked, impatiently. Tig has always been Clays trigger bitch, so I have no doubt he was the one behind the shooting.

"Yeah, he's on his way to the safe house." Juice answered quietly. He looked like he was about to puke. His face was pale and blanched.

"What's wrong with you?"

"The info on that witness just came out. Man, it's just a seventeen year old girl." Juice looked up at me over the laptop guiltily.

"Holy shit." I muttered under my breath. Another innocent woman was about to die at the hands of this club.

I gripped the edge of the bar for support as Clay walked out of the chapel.

"Where are they?" I demanded, removing my cut and tossing it on the counter. Juice slipped me a piece of paper quickly.

"Jax, what the hell are you doing?" Clay demanded, taking a few tentative steps in my direction. If he tried to stop me from walking out of here, his head was getting put through the window.

I walked over to Rowan and grabbed her neck gently and pulled her into a quick pulled back and looked at me quizzically, worried. I leaned up and placed my lips on her forehead. "I love you." I mumbled against her skin, putting all of the meaning in my body behind those three words.

"I love you, too." She said. Her baby blue eyes searched mine frantically while she tried to figure out what was happening. I held her cheek in my hand for a moment relishing her soft warm skin beneath my palm and for an instant I felt the rage and adrenaline brewing inside me subside.

She placed her hand on my wrist that was holding her face and searched my eyes, then she looked at Clay behind me. I could see her trying to work this out in her head and then a realization set in and she took a deep breath and said. "Go. We'll be here."

She knew I was going to stop Tig, despite Clays resistance. She knew something wasn't right between us when I left her earlier and walked in here. She that whatever I was about to go do; I had to go do it.

Rowan was my anchor. She was the one thing that kept me steady when I wanted to drift away.

I headed for the door without looking back as Clay yelled and demanded that I get my ass back in the clubhouse. I wasn't about to stand by and watch Tig murder another innocent woman.


	85. Chapter 85: The Revalator Part VI

**Chapter 85**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Abel was lying on his back on a blanket on the living room floor playing with his safari mobile. It had mini stuffed animals that dangled on it for him to reach up and grab. I sat beside him on the floor picking at a few guitar strings on my guitar wondering what the hell was going to happen next. Jax stormed out of the clubhouse like a bat out of hell earlier and I haven't heard from him since. I knew he was going to help that seventeen year old witness that Juice mentioned.

I just prayed and hoped everything was okay. That Jax was okay.

I noticed Abel was more interested in me plucking at the guitar strings now then his safari animals and smiled down at him warmly. His little hand touched my knee as he looked up at me full of curiosity. Although, I could tell he was getting sleepy again. "Someone is getting tired." His eyelids were droopy and he had that sleepy little grin on his face that mirrored Jax's.

He was definitely his kid, that's for sure.

It was so damn adorable my insides couldn't handle it.

"One day you'll be able to play guitar too, bug." I promised, reaching down and letting him grab my finger. I wiggled it and he let out what I assumed to be a giggle and kicked his feet like he was trying to run. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Okay, maybe not so tired after all." I half laughed.

I plucked at the strings and decided to sing a verse of one of my favorite songs ever. Blackbird by The Beatles. This song was always something my mom would hum and sing when I got upset or scared and it always calmed my nerves and right now my nerves were on the verge of being shot. Plus, I thought it might help Abel doze off as well.

I looked down at Abel and began to sing. "Blackbird singing in the dead of night. Take these sunken eyes and learn to see. All your life…You were only waiting for this moment to be free…"

I'd closed my eyes while I was singing and reopened them to see a now sleeping Abel lying before me. His little eyelids fluttered in his sleep. I sat my guitar on the couch quietly and curled up on my side beside Abel on the floor and watched him sleep, gently rubbing his belly. He was so precious and innocent. Lying here watching him sleep I realized how much I already love him.

A light knock at the front door threatened to wake Abel up. I jumped up and headed for the door quickly. Peeking through the peep hole I saw it was only Deacon. I unlocked the locks Jax had put on the door and let him in.

"I got your texts. Everything okay?" Deacon said stepping inside. I closed the door behind him gently and locked the door again. "Jesus, you think there's enough locks on the door?" Deacon questioned, looking at me with concern.

I laughed it off slightly. "Jax just wanted me to feel safe when I moved in with him not always being home at night and when he's on the road." I hated lying to him, but there was no way I was telling him about Kohn.

"Make sense. I'm glad he's taking care of you." Deacon said, accepting my explanation. I breathed a small sigh of relief.

There were a lot of questions eating at me and I needed to just ask Deacon to be straight with me, but I didn't want to bombard him as soon as he walked through the door.

"Can I make you a cup of coffee?" I suggested ushering him into the kitchen so Abel could continue his nap without us waking him up.

"Sure, I'd love one." Deacon replied, taking a seat at the dining room table. I could feel his eyes watching me from behind as I started the coffee pot. "You know I heard about what you did today, right? Walking into that Niner bar with the boys…"

Shit. I sighed and turned around to face him, leaning against the counter. "If you're going to yell at me you can save your breath because Jax already beat you to it. I know it was dumb. I wasn't thinking… I just wanted to help."

"Clearly." Deacon chuckled darkly under his breath. "I'm not mad, kid. I think you did what you thought you had to do at the time. I'm actually a bit proud of you. Piney is a handful and I suspected he was going to do something, just didn't know what exactly. I think what you did was…brave. You're just like your mom, I swear."

"What do you mean?" I asked arching an eyebrow curiously.

A hint of a smile ghosted across my dads face. He chuckled and shook his head. "Back when your mom and I were together I went out of town on club business to sell guns to another club with Clay. I told your mom I'd call her and let her know I was fine. Well things got turned around and I never called her and she drove all the way to Greenwood and hunted my ass down just to make sure I was alright."

I couldn't help but smile at that story. It sounded exactly like something my mom would do. After getting my dad a coffee I sat down across from him at the table and took a deep breath. He watched me carefully, opening and closing his mouth to say something several times, but took a drink of his coffee instead. "I'm guessing you didn't invite me over here to drink your coffee. What's on your mind?"

"I've been trying to wrap my head around who would want to hurt Opie, you know? Jax told me things were pretty bad with Opie and the club when they thought he'd possibly ratted them out and that if he had ratted you guys would have killed him, but that it was all cleared up. Today I overheard Gemma and Clay arguing about Jax finding out about 'The Donna Mistake.'" I said watching Deacon carefully. He sat his coffee mug down and stiffened in his seat. "What the hell were they talking about Deacon?"

"You talk to Jax about this?" He asked.

"No, but I'm pretty sure he shares the same suspicion. Did Clay try to have Opie killed and kill Donna by mistake?" I questioned, feeling my stomach twist into knots.

A realization hit Deacon like a semi. "That son of a bitch." That's when I knew that it was most likely true. "I knew they were planning something and I tried to intervene before it went to far when Opie came back to us. Clay and Tig pushed me off of it, so I couldn't be sure."

Deacon rose to his feet and began to pace the kitchen floor.

"Why did you want me to be apart of this club." I blurted out, causing him to pause and look at me. He seemed confused by my question. "What do you mean, kid?"

"A few weeks ago Jax and I found an manuscript that belonged to John in storage and in the manuscript it mentioned me and you. John said you and him wanted the club to be something Jax and I could take over. But why would you want me to be a part of this? The violence?" I flat out questioned him. I needed answers and this was the only way to get them.

Deacon rejoined me at the table and ran a hand down the side of his face. "I didn't think the old bastard ever finished the damn thing… John and I did want the club to go to our kids. But not with it the way it is now. I'd never want you in danger sweetheart. Which is why your momma and I made the agreement we made when we did about keeping you away. But I also think you and Jax could be this clubs salvation… This club was supposed to be about family and unity. I wanted you to be apart of this before Clay drug us headfirst into the gun business. I wanted you to be a part of a legitimate club."

Deacons phone began to ring interrupting our conversation. He sighed and dug his phone out of his cut and answered it. Abel started crying in the other room so I went to get him and scooped him up in my arms, letting him rest his head on my shoulder. When I walked back into the kitchen Deacon was on his feet hanging up his phone.

"Listen, I gotta go. I promise we'll talk about this more." He said kissing the top of my head and then heading for the door.

- **SOA** -

I spent the evening taking care of Abel with no word from Jax. I didn't know where he was going when he left the clubhouse in hurry earlier today and not being able to get a hold of him was definitely wrecking havoc on my nerves. When the clock hit midnight I called him, but his phone went straight to voice mail which only made me worry about him even more. I lied in bed, with Abel next to me awake most of the night. He was fussy and every time I put him in his crib he would cry. I know you're not supposed to sleep with a baby in your bed, but I knew until Jax came home I wasn't going to be able to sleep anyway so I figured it would be okay.

Deacon knew about John's manuscript and what it contained and what it meant. How was I supposed to be a part of saving this club? Clearly, it needs some work if it's members are killing off their own, but what can I possibly do about it? I'm a woman and I've learned and I'm still learning that we don't have much of a place here.

Maybe that's what needs to change…

Deacon didn't have a problem believing that Clay was behind Donna's death either. How could Clay think he had the power to make that call? How is going to look Opie in the eye anymore? Will they tell him the truth?

I needed to talk to Jax and hear his voice. I needed to know if he was okay.

I called Jax again and left a voicemail this time. "Hey, Jax, it's me. It's pretty late and I'm getting worried about you. Can you please just call me back or text me, even if it's just a single word. I get if you need time to yourself after everything, but I need to know if you're okay… I love you."

After I hung up the phone I lied awake and watched Abel soundly sleeping beside me.

- **SOA** -

It seemed like it took forever for morning to arrive. I was still lying awake watching Abel sleep when the sun started to peek in through the curtains in the bedroom. I'd gotten up and taken care of Abel and was rushing to finish getting ready for the funeral. It was in less than an hour and I still hadn't heard from Jax.

The pit in my stomach was growing larger by the second.

"So where's Jax?" Lena asked, as if she were reading my mind. She was sitting on the edge of the bed holding Abel. I'd asked her if she could watch him while we all went to the funeral last night and she happily agreed.

"That's the question of the hour." I finished putting on my earrings and adjusted the black bangle bracelet on my wrist. I stepped out of the bathroom and smoothed out my black dress, wishing I wasn't about to attend another funeral.

One was enough.

"Thanks for watching him by the way." I found my purse and grabbed Jax's cut off the rocking chair in the corner of the room and held it against my chest. It smelled like leather and smoke. Jax's scent. I figured I'd bring it with me in hopes that he'd be at the funeral.

"It's no problem. We'll have a blast, right kiddo?" Lena bounced Abel up and down in her arms gently. He gave her a wide grin and reached out and touched her boob. "Hey now, you wanna touch my goodies you've gotta buy me dinner first, mister!"

I couldn't help but laugh as I walked over and sat down next to her on the bed so I could slip my ankle boots on. I kissed Abel on the head breathing in the scent of his baby shampoo. "Be good, bug."

"You gonna be okay? This can't be easy with your mom just passing away." Lena asked me when I glanced up at her.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'll be okay. Didn't think I'd be attending another funeral this soon to burying my mom though."

"I might be selfish for saying this, but I'm just glad it's not me attending your funeral. I mean it's awful for Opie and his family, but you're like my sister. I couldn't handle it." We leaned our heads together and sat in silence for a moment.

I kissed Abel's head again as I got up and headed for the front door.

- **SOA** -

The sky was blue, without a cloud in sight. I clutched Jax's cut close to my chest as the sermon was being read. Tears prickled my eyes and my throat burned. A soft wind rustled the oak trees hanging overhead as we all stood beside Donna's grave while the sermon was being read and a final prayer was being said.

There had to be at least fifty people here. Some friends and family that I recognize and more club members from different charters of SAMCRO. It was a nice show of support for Opie and his kids.

I'd tuned out the sermon the preacher was giving feeling my mind drifting to my mom. It was too soon for me to be at another funeral. The wound from losing my mother hasn't even scabbed over yet. Being here felt like I was pouring salt into it.

But I was here for Opie and Jax.

I glanced around the cemetery for the thousandth time wishing Jax would just appear out of thin air, but he was nowhere in sight.

Deacon placed his hand on my shoulder and gave it a light squeeze sensing how hard this was for me. I shot him a grateful look and fixed my eyes on the grass surrounding my boots. People were starting to place flowers on the casket and say their final goodbyes.

When I looked up I saw Jax approaching from behind the preacher. I let out a sigh of relief. I knew he would show up here eventually. I quietly slipped off to the side to meet him and give him his cut. As he got closer he gave me a weak smile that didn't reach his eyes. His poor lip was busted open, dried blood was caked onto his chin. There was a small gash over his left cheek bone that hadn't been there before too.

"Hey," I said quietly. I held out his cut and helped him shrug into it.

Jax turned around to look at me, pulling me into his chest gently. His eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep and he smelled like vodka. Without thinking I placed my hand on his cheek. "Are you okay?" I asked, searching his face.

"Yeah," he replied, pressing his lips against my forehead.

When he stepped back he glanced over at Donna's casket and let out a pent up sigh. He walked over and placed a flower on Donna's casket, pressing it to his lips, before lying it down. Clay and Gemma were glaring at him the entire time. Jax and Opie shared a nod with each other before he turned to walk away.

Jax paused beside me and extended his hand out for me to take. It was a simple gesture, but it meant more than anything for us. The way he was looking at me made me feel like he was giving me one finale choice to walk away from all this.

I slipped my hand in his and followed him away from the service.

I'd just made one of the easiest choices I'd ever made in my entire life.

We walked to his brothers grave and stood there quietly for what felt like forever. I had so many questions for him and so much I wanted to tell him, but somehow couldn't find the right way to begin saying what I needed to say. I gripped his hand tighter and turned to face him.

Jax rested his eyes on mine. "I'm sorry I didn't come home last night. I just needed some time to figure some shit out in my head."

"It's okay. I understand." I stepped closer towards him. "I tried calling you though."

"I figured you did. I broke my phone yesterday afternoon." Jax sighed and slipped his free hand onto my hip. He shook his head and scoffed. "I have to tell you something and it's something that's gonna make you rethink being with me and wanting to raise a kid with me."

"Jax…" I started to stop him.

"Donna's death wasn't an accident. We killed her. We almost killed you. The club. Clay. Tig. They thought Opie ratted and were trying to go after him that night, but killed Donna by mistake." He clenched his jaw shut so tight a muscle in his cheek flexed. I could feel the anger and resentment radiating off of him in waves. He studied my face intently, waiting for me to freak out and run for the hills I'm assuming.

"I know…" I whispered, feeling the lump forming in my throat.

"What do you mean? You know?" He arched an eyebrow at me.

"Yesterday when I went to get Abel from your mom in the office I overheard her and Clay arguing over the Donna mistake. It didn't take much to put two and two together.."

Jax eyes glistened as he fought back tears. "That son of a bitch." He littered under his breath.

"Jax, you have to tell Opie." I said.

He shook his head vehemently. "I can't. We can't tell him anything!"

"He deserves to know! Clay had his wife murdered. You can't keep that from him." I whispered back to him.

"If I tell Opie what happened. He's done. His life is over. This club is the only thing holding him together. I can't do that to him, not after this. I'll find a way to make it right."

I believed that he would do anything and everything in his power to right this wrong, if it were possible. I stepped back placing a hand on my stomach protectively out of instinct as I looked at Clay and Gemma across the cemetery. "Look at them. They're sitting there like they don't know the truth. It's sickening!" I hissed, feeling my blood boiling at the mere sight of them.

Jax pulled me back in front of him and held my face in his hands gently. "I'm gonna make this right. Whatever it takes. But you can't tell anyone, Ro. You have to act like you don't know shit. Okay? Trust me. Trust that I'll handle it."

"I trust you. Deacon knows though. I talked to him about it and he didn't even seem surprised. I think he suspected it!"

Jax nodded. "Yeah, I got that same vibe."

My finger touched his cut lip cautiously. It didn't look like it needed stitches but it was swollen. I quickly pulled his hand from my face and saw that his knuckles were bruised and irritated looking. "What happened with the girl?" My eyes shot up to meet his.

"She's fine. Probably half way across the country on a bus by now." He reassured me. Jax tucked some hair behind my ear as footsteps approached us from behind.

I looked over Jax's shoulder to see Piney. "Sorry for interrupting, but I needed to give you this, Jax."

Piney handed Jax a small yellow envelope that looked a lot like the one we found John's manuscript in in storage. He winked at me. He had a copy? Jax hesitated, but accepted it. "It's time for a change." Piney said squeezing Jax's shoulder, looking at the both of us.

He gave Jax a curt nod before walking away.

Jax stared down at the envelope already knowing what it was. A look of absolution and determination settled on his face.

"You know things are gonna get a lot worse around here, babe, before they get better." He said, holding my gaze.

"Whatever happens we'll face it together." I said without hesitation.

Jax let a hint of a smile ghost across his lips before he slipped his hand around to the nape of my neck and pulled me in for a kiss. Our lips met and fused together seamlessly. Sparks shivered down my spine from his touch. His hand left my neck and slid down my bare arm until our fingers were interlocked together.

We walked over to Johns grave and stood before it. Jax slipped his arm around my waist and pulled me into his side. I leaned my head on his shoulder and gripped his cut, holding onto him.

Clay and Gemma were walking towards their car watching us like hawks. I didn't want that to be us in twenty years. I didn't want to have a husband like Clay. I looked up at Jax seeing a man far greater than Clay could ever dream to be. "Promise me we won't end up like them." I whispered, as Jax zoned in on them in the distance as well.

"I'm not Clay or John and you sure as shit ain't Gemma. We will never end up like them. Ever." He stated so strongly. He looked down at me and I felt my heart aching in my chest for him. "Promise me something?"

"Anything…"

"Promise me you'll stand by me and you won't bolt like Tara did. Things are gonna change. I promise it won't always be like this. Just give me time." He pleaded with me. I stood on my tip toes and kissed him. "Whatever happens we will face it together." I repeated my words from earlier.

Jax smirked understanding that I wasn't going anywhere.

"Yeah…" he nodded, looking down at me and then his fathers head stone.

The wind blew overhead shifting in a new direction sending my hair flying around wildly. The trees rustled overhead as the gust continued. Everything was about to start shifting in a new direction… I could feel it.

 **A/N: Annnnd this concludes the end of season one! Woot! I hope you enjoyed it! I just wanna thank you guys for sticking with this story and with me! Haha. You're the best readers ever! I hope I did this finale justice!**

 **I will be taking a smallish break from the story to work on some other stuff and plan out SEASON TWO of this story! It won't be a long break I promise!**

 **I just wanna address some stuff and thangs here: I will address Wendy finding out about Rowan being pregnant in season two. She never heard Rowan and Jax arguing so she doesn't know yet! Lena will be starting to make more of an appearance in season two! I've decided I probably won't be doing Deacons POV anymore since I haven't done it since the beginning of this story unless it's fitting plot wise. But Rowan and Deacon will be spending more time together!**

 **Please feel free to let me know if there's anything you'd like to see in season two and how I can improve Rowan!**

 **SEASON TWO CHAPTERS COMING SOON!**


	86. Chapter 86: We Watched It Begin Again

**Chapter 86**

 **Jax's Point of View**

 **Four Weeks Later…**

"Jax, wake up!" Rowan squealed in the bed beside me. I felt her shake my shoulder gently and tried to open my eyes, but sleep was consuming me. I groaned and ignored her, drifting back into unconsciousness. "Jax! I'm serious, wake up!" Rowan shook me again, harder this time around.

This time I bolted upright half way, reaching for my gun on the night stand.

"No, you don't need that!" Rowan said, placing her hand on my chest. I looked at her, blinking away the sleep in my eyes. "It's the baby." She broke into a smile and grabbed my hand, placing it on her stomach.

My brain wasn't quite registering what was going on yet. My first thought was something was wrong. Here lately everything has been going wrong, so it wouldn't surprise me. But she was smiling, so it had to be something good.

"What am I doing?" I asked, groggy. I sat up in bed and kept my hand on her stomach.

"Just wait for it." She grinned.

A few more seconds passed before I felt her stomach push back against my palm ever so gently. That's when it clicked in my brain, the baby was kicking or moving. Rowan stared back at me smiling, so happy. Her morning sickness has been kicking her ass these last few weeks. This was the first morning I haven't heard her in the bathroom.

"I was in the kitchen making coffee and it felt like a cricket jumped across my stomach. It took me a minute to realize what was happening!" She explained in a rush, looking down at her growing little belly with nothing but amazement and adoration. "Our baby's kicking." She whispered, looking up to catch my gaze.

"Babe," I whispered, smiling as I leaned in and kissed her on the lips. "It's incredible." I kept my hand on her stomach, hoping to feel my kid move again and just by luck it decided to kick again.

"I never got to feel Abel kick…" I said without thinking. Wendy and I didn't do the whole pregnancy thing right. We didn't get to experience all of the milestones a couple gets to experience during the pregnancy.

Like for instance, I had no fucking clue what morning sickness was or that it could last for freaking ever. I also had no clue how early cravings started during a pregnancy. The other night I had to go get Sonic milkshakes at 2am. I also didn't know how different smells could trigger nausea. I'm not allowed to smoke in the house anymore. I didn't know a lot, but I was sure as hell learning, and happily doing so.

Rowan and Abel and this baby were the only three things keeping me grounded since this shit with Clay and Opie happened.

"I know you didn't, which is why I wanted you to feel it." Rowan said, placing her hand over mine on her stomach. "I'm pretty sure we are going to have a ninja or a soccer player."

"Thank you." I kissed her lips, letting my own linger against hers. I ran my hand up her stomach and cupped her breast as I let myself get lost in her kiss. Her hands cradled my neck as I pushed her back on the bed slowly.

It's been a while since we've had the time to have sex and now seemed like as good a time as any. Abel was quiet, the phone wasn't ringing, she wasn't puking, so I was taking advantage of the opportunity before me.

"Ouch." Rowan half laughed, pulling one of her nursing textbooks out from under her shoulder blade. Rowan started classes up again two weeks ago, since then I've come home to her in bed surrounded by textbooks and notes. Most nights she falls asleep reading them.

I pulled a notebook out from underneath the pillow and tossed it over my shoulder. I smirked against her neck and then let my lips caress her skin.

"God, I've missed this…" I whispered in her ear before biting it. Her hands roamed down over my back and up again into my hair.

"Jax…" Rowan breathed out my name. I slipped the straps to her dress down off her shoulders and kissed her collarbone. A small moan escaped her lips as my hand trailed down her side and slipped underneath the hem of her dress.

I was about to slip her panties off when we heard Abel wail on the baby monitor. I paused and lifted my head from her neck and looked at her. "Sounds like we're gonna have to finish this later." She laughed, biting her lip.

"No…not again. I only need ten minutes." I kissed her lips once more.

"Only ten minutes." She grinned, arching her eyebrow at me. I bit her lip and took it between my teeth.

Abel continued to wail over the monitor.

"I have to get him." She said, kissing my cheek sweetly.

I sighed, defeated and rolled onto my back. Rowan got up and readjusted her dress. I couldn't help but reach up and pull her back down onto my lap. She squealed and smacked my arm as I wrapped my arms around her. "I can't believe I'm getting cock blocked by my kid, again."

"I think you'll survive, Teller." She rolled her eyes, placing her hand on my cheek. "Will you make the baby chocolate chip pancakes while I get Abel?" She asked, wide eyed. It was the cutest fucking thing she did. Now whenever she wants me to do something, she says it's the baby that needs it.

"I think I can manage that." I smirked back at her.

She gave me a peck on the lips and got up and headed down the hall after Abel. He stopped crying seconds within her walking into the room. I swung the covers back and let my feet rest on the floor. I grabbed my gym shorts off the floor and pulled them on before padding down the hallway.

I could smell coffee in the kitchen and made a beeline for it. Rowan called out to me as I walked past Abel's door. I back tracked and peeked my head in the doorway. "Don't forget to add…"

"A banana and cool whip. I know. You're worse than a five year old when it comes to food. I don't know how you inhale that much sugar."

"Says the guy who puts like twenty packets of sugar in his coffee, and eats sour gummy worms like his life depends on it." She shot back, lifting Abel off the changing table. He smiled at Rowan and reached up to tug on her short locks of blonde hair.

I wanted to be the one pulling her hair…

She followed me into the kitchen playfully smacking my arm. Rowan got Abel set up with a bottle while I made her breakfast. She was sitting at the dining room table feeding Abel and watching me cook.

"Thank you by the way for cooking me breakfast." She said, watching me mix up the pancake batter in a bowl.

"I don't mind." And I meant it. Spending time with Rowan and Abel in the morning is what gets me through the rest of the day.

Opies been gone for a few weeks on a walkabout trying to get his head screwed back on straight after losing Donna. Clay and I have been butting heads ever since I confronted him about the whole situation.

"When does Opie get back?" Rowan asked, trying to burp Abel.

"Today." I said over my shoulder, pouring the batter into a frying pan on the stove.

"That's good. Ellie and Henry have been dying to see him. I told Piney I'd pick them up from school after my shift at the diner." She told me as I poured half a bag of chocolate chips onto one pancake. My girl had a sweet tooth.

I nodded. I was thankful Ellie and Henry had Rowan these last few weeks. She's been great about helping Mary keep them occupied. She knows what they are going through. Her moms death is still taking a toll on her, but she can mention her name now without tearing up, most of the time.

Progress, right?

"You know you don't have to work at that shitty diner right?" I said, trying to dodge the question I know she's getting ready to ask me. "I can take care of us." I sat her plate of pancakes down and grabbed a banana and set it beside her plate. I piled the syrup and cool whip on top and then settled into the chair across from her and Abel.

Abel had fallen asleep on her shoulder while she tried to burp him. I smiled at the sight of them both. It was breathtaking. Her holding my kid.

"I know I don't have to work there, but I want to contribute. At least while I can. Two kids isn't going to be cheap, Jax. We could use the extra diaper money." She pointed out, digging into her pancakes. "I was thinking we should sell my car…" she said with a mouthful of food.

"Um, hell no. That car is a fucking classic. Why would we sell it?" She was insane for even saying that.

"It's too hard to get Abel's car seat in and out of, let alone two. And I can't keep stealing your truck."

"So we'll just buy another car, we aren't selling the Mustang." I was putting my foot down on that.

"Okay, fine. But we are so not getting a minivan." She laughed, continuing to hold Abel and eat.

"Agreed." I laughed, taking a sip of my coffee.

"So I'm gonna meet your mom at St. Thomas for Abel's check up this morning and then she's going to watch him while I work at the diner and pick up Opes kids. I don't have class today so I told Deacon I'd go check on the progress at Navy St. but after that I am all yours for Bobby's welcome home party."

"Are you sure you're not taking on too much with class, the diner, the garage and Navy Street?" I questioned, not wanting her to spread herself to thin or put to much stress on herself. I know she'd never tell Deacon she needed a break, but I wouldn't have a problem doing it for her if it came down to it.

"I'm fine. I promise." She reassured me with a smile. Her smile faded though and I knew we were coming back to that question I didn't wanna answer. Only because I didn't know how.

"What are you guys telling Opie?" She asked after a moment, lowering her eyes.

I sighed and leaned back in my chair craving a cigarette. "That the Niners didn't kill Donna. That's all I can tell him right now."

"He's gonna want revenge, Jax."

"You don't think I know that?" I snapped out harsher than I meant too. Rowan stood up and walked around the kitchen with Abel, rubbing his back gently.

I got up and walked over to her, letting my hands settle on her hips. "I'm sorry… I know. Okay? I'm trying to find a way to make this right for him, it's just not easy."

"I know, I do." She replied, touching my bare chest. "I believe you'll do whatever you can to help him. I just hate lying to him. I hate having to pretend everything's fine with your mom and Clay. I can barely look at them."

"That makes two of us." I said.

My phone rang on the nightstand in the bedroom. I rolled my eyes and kissed Rowan's forehead. I pressed my lips against Abel's hair and headed down the hallway after my phone… I was supposed to meet the guys so we could sit down with the Irish and discuss where we all stand with our gun business. I was running late, but didn't really care.

Clay could kiss my ass for all I cared anymore.

 **A/N: Annnd season two is underway! Woohoo! I told you I couldn't stay away from Rowan and Jax long! I'm so glad to be back with this story and hope you enjoyed the first chapter of season two! It's just barely scratching the surface though. There's some little stuff I wanna let ya'll know about!**

 **1\. Since I'm trying to get my Animal Kingdom story caught up, I'm only going to be updating Little Toy Guns on Tuesday nights! I could update in between, but I'll definitely be updating every Tuesday for sure!**

 **2\. I'm going to attempt to make the chapters longer! Lol**

 **3\. Lena will be playing a major role this season! Cue all you Lena and Opie shippers out there!**

 **4\. Tara will back! Dun dun dun… for storyline purposes I need to keep her around just a wee bit longer.**

 **5\. Wendy and Rowan will spend more time together!**

 **6\. Rowan and Jax are going to be united going into season two, but things won't be easy for them.**

 **You guys are friggin amazing with the amount of love and support you've shown me for this story and Rowan and Jax, I can't thank you enough for keeping me motivated to write with all of your reviews! Ive said it a hundred times, but it means the world. It truly does!**

 **So sit back, relax, and enjoy season two! It's gonna be a wild ride! 3**


	87. Chapter 87: Suits

**Chapter 87**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Franny's diner was already packed for the mid morning and lunch rush. Lena was going to kill me for being late. I had a good excuse though. Abel. I shut off my car and went inside the diner. I was hurrying as I removed my jean vest, tossing it under the counter, and tied on my apron. Lena came out of the back as I was pulling my hair up into a pony tail.

"Oh my god, where have you been? You're lucky I'm in charge today! If Matt knew you were late he'd be pissed." Lena hissed, eyes bugging out of her head.

"I'm sorry, I know. But I had to drop Abel off with Gemma at his doctors appointment and he was fussy in the waiting room, so I was holding him. When Tara came to get us for the appointment I walked back with him. As soon as I tried to hand him off to Gemma he started wailing like a siren. Tara tried and that made it a thousand times worse. So I had to stay for his check up." I explained.

Seeing Tara was weirder than usual since she found out I'm pregnant. She hardly made eye contact with me and when she did she kept her usual tight lipped expression plastered on her face. Not that I'm complaining. Part of me was a little happy she was pissed off about it. It just solidifies that Jax and I are real and not something she can just break in half like a glow stick. She obviously wishes it were her instead of me. I'm not going to feel bad about getting the guy and the family. She walked away from Jax a long time, when he probably needed her most.

"Jesus, I would have paid money to see that interaction." Lena laughed. "Can you take care of the suits in the corner booth over there." She gestured with the tilt of her head towards a booth seating three men in expensive looking attire, before rushing off to a table.

I pulled my notepad out of my apron and headed over.

"It must be very frustrating Mr. Hale. Every surrounding town from Stockton to Lodi has grown nearly seventy percent in the last two decades, except for Charming." I heard one of the men say as I approached the table. He was a tall guy with short grey hair. His blue suit reeked of money. The Rolex on his wrist did too. I'd never seen this man around Charming before, which meant he was passing through or new to town.

"I apologize for interrupting, but are you gentlemen ready to order?" I asked politely, noticing the guy sitting on the outside of the booth checking out my ass. He was sitting so rigid you'd think he had an actual stick up his ass.

"We'll just start with coffee for now, sweetheart." The guy staring at my ass said.

"I'll be right back with that." I said, happy to leave their table.

As I walked back to the counter I glanced over my shoulder to see that the guy was still staring at me. I put on a fresh pot of coffee and started to clear the dishes off the bar while I waited. Lena ran a ticket to the back and then joined me working the counter.

"Who the hell are they?" Lena snorted, looking at the suits.

"No, clue. They ain't from around these parts." I joked, twirling around and grabbing three coffee mugs and pouring their coffee.

"Clearly!" Lena chuckled. "Opie comes home today, doesn't he?"

"Yeah, sometime today." I replied, glancing at her.

Lena has helped out watching Ellie and Henry on more than one occasion since Opes been checked out for a bit. With Jax busy with the club she's been my babysitting partner. We offered to take the kids off Mary and Piney's hands whenever we could. With me having Abel sometimes it was hard to juggle all three of them. She was my back up. Always.

"I can't even fathom what he's going through. I mean I've only met the guy a few times, but I just feel terrible for him. For his kids, you know?" She said, signing afterwards.

If only she knew the truth behind it all. If Ope finds out about what Clay and Tig did I truly believe it would crush him, or land him in jail, because he would go on a murder rampage.

"It's gonna take them all time." I said before heading back off with three coffees on a tray on my arm.

The three men were engrossed in their conversation as I approached this time. They completely ignored my presence as I slowly dished out their coffees trying not to spill them.

"SAMCRO has sabotaged every major development effort that's come through Charming with coercion and violence." The guy sitting on the right stated.

The moment he mentioned SAMCRO my radar went up. As I was sitting the last coffee down I accidentally let it tip over on purpose, letting the liquid spill across the table. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I'll get you a new one!" I mumbled to none of them in-particular, grabbing napkins off the table to sop up the spill.

They glanced at me like I was an idiot, but went back to talking.

"Well that's easy to do when the local cops are in your back pocket!" The rigid guy spat out.

"Yeah, well my kid brother will be chief in two months. Things are gonna change." One of them said. I cautiously glanced at the guy. Him, I felt like I'd seen before.

His brother was going to be chief of police in a few months. He must be talking about David Hale, or as Jax likes to call him, superman. I forgot he had an older sibling. A brother obviously. His name started with a J… Josh? Joe? Jacob! That's it. Jacob Hale.

"My family helped build this town. My great great grandfather, his brothers. Before my old man dies the Hales are going to give it back to the folks who live here!" Jacob declared, as I quietly piled my soggy napkins up on my carrying tray.

"And that salvation nets you a tidy real estate profit." The man with shock white hair added.

"Progress has rewards." Jacob sneered.

I walked away to get rid of my trash and get another coffee quickly.

"Hey, Rowan." David said, giving me a small smile as he sat down, joining the other three men at the table.

I smiled back. "Can I get you anything?"

"I'll have a coffee." He said.

I went and grabbed his coffee and delivered it then started to bus some of the tables within earshot of theirs. I just wanted to know who these men were and what their interest in SAMCRO was.

 **A/N: I know this is short and I'm sorry for that, but after not posting yesterday per my promised schedule I wanted to give you guys what I have. This probably isn't my best chapter, I promise the next will be better or at least I hope it'll be better. Normally I sit down and write out my chapter and then post it, there's no planning ahead or prewriting for me lol I just write on Tuesday nights!**

 **I had a killed headache last night and now tonight the rod in my shoulder is giving me a fucking fit and killing my neck along with my allergies. Not a happy little ray of sunshine here at the moment. Not trying to make excuses or anything, just wanted to keep you guys in the loop because you are all sweet and kind and supportive!**

 **If something like this happens again would you guys want me to post as little as I have or wait and make it a full chapter?**

 **ALSO, I'm thinking of changing Deacons 'face' to Charles Esten? He's from Nashville and Rowan's mom to Connie Britton? Thoughts?**

 **I'll definitely post again on this before next Tuesday so you'll be getting more, don't worry! Xoxo**


	88. Chapter 88: Threats & Promises

**Chapter 88**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

I kept my head down and piled dirty dishes and glasses into my bus pan as I eavesdropped on the conversation one table over. Normally this wasn't in my job description, but we were short staffed today so it was all hands on deck. As soon as they mentioned SAMCRO my stomach started to twist into knots. I knew what Jax and Deacon did was dangerous, that hadn't been lost on me. Hearing these new guys talk about SAMCRO had all of my defenses up.

"So what's this all about, Jake?" David questioned, eyeing the men before him rather suspiciously.

"I reached out to your family and asked for an introduction. My name is Ethan Zoebelle and this is my associate AJ Weston." The man named Ethan said, pointing towards his friend sitting next to him.

I'd definitely never heard either of those names mentioned on this side of town before. I've never heard Jax or Deacon mention those names either. In small towns like Charming, everyone, and I mean everyone, knows everyone.

"Ethan owns cigar shops. Stockton, Alameda, Millbrae." Jacob explained to his little brother, a bit too enthusiastically if you ask me.

"You planning on opening a shop in Charming?" David asked Zoebelle outright.

Why would a cigar shop owner give two rats asses about SAMCRO?

I slowly wiped down the table and moved to the next one opposite of them.

"I have my eye on a storefront." Ethan answered.

"We'll need to know we have the right support before we commit to Charming." The guy named Weston butted in. His voice was so calm it was almost creepy.

"Support?" David pried, slightly confused.

That made two of us and I wasn't even involved in the conversation.

"To protect our investment." Zoebelle replied instantly.

"We are aware of your outlaw problem." Weston spat out. I didn't need to be facing him to see the disgust on his face, it was more than evident in his voice. "Your brother has brought us up to speed on your struggle."

"I'm guessing this isn't about cigars." David said.

"Ethan shares a common interest with us little brother." Jacob chimed in.

My bus pan was almost full of dishes, but I wasn't walking away from their conversation just yet. Instead I wiped the table down for the third time and rearranged the condiments on the table buying myself some more time.

"The Sons of Anarchy have been supplying weapons to gang members for more than a decade." Ethan started. "It's time it stopped."

Yes, the sons sold weapons, but they weren't responsible for what others did with those weapons. This asshole doesn't know who these men are and what they do. I've seen a club doing their best to keep Charming safe. And for the most part they have. Safe for what Clay pulled.

Part of me wanted to march over to their table and tell them they were full of shit. But I didn't. When I could no longer stay at the table I was tending without looking like a complete moron I moved to the table next to theirs. I noticed the man named Weston sliding a business card across the table towards David. He picked it up and openly scoffed.

"You're the League of American Nationalists?" He asked, skeptically.

"The League represents an influential group of businessmen who are tired of criminals undermining local enterprise." Zoebelle stated, proudly. Are these assholes serious? Was David actually buying this? It's ridiculous.

"Right. And how many black or Latino men are in your little influential group?" David questioned, looking at Weston and Zoebelle. They didn't reply, which meant none." I know who you are. White hate." David spat out, sliding the card back across the table.

"Quite the opposite actually." Zoebelle tried to defend their little Neo-Nazi group. "We are separatists not supremacists. We are god fearing patriots, and in a time when black radicals are in power in this country, we are trying to remind our citizens of our founding beliefs."

Man this guy just thought he was superior to everyone.

"That all white men are created equal." David offered. He shook his head, not buying into their nonsense. "What the hell do you people want from me?"

"Call us what you want. We all want the same thing. To stop scumbags from arming scumbags." Zoebelle countered. He knew he was losing David. In my opinion the only scumbags in Charming at the moment were these douches. They know nothing about Jax or Deacon. "We just want you to know we are at your disposal should you need us."

"I'm done here." David said, before getting up and storming out of the diner. Jacob apologized for his brothers abrupt behavior and then hurried outside after him.

As I was walking past their table I felt Weston's hand graze my hip and whirled around quickly to face him. "Excuse me, sweetheart. You mind getting me another coffee?" He asked, looking up at me. He reminded me of…him. Jerry.

"We're all out." I said, getting my teeth as I faked a smile.

"You look familiar. I've seen you around town with Jax Teller. You're his girl, aren't you?" Weston prodded. "He's a lucky man."

"I am." I said, firmly, proudly even. "I'll be sure to let him know that we have new residents in Charming. He'll want to welcome you to our town personally."

Weston and Zoebelle both grinned at me.

As I walked towards the kitchen I kept glancing back at them over my shoulder. They were still watching me. David and Jacob never came back inside the diner, and soon after I watched Zoebelle and Weston leave. I breathed a sigh of relief when they did.

An hour passed and the lunch rush started to slow down, finally. My feet were killing me. A lovely side effect of being pregnant. I was standing behind the bar taking my fifteen minute break, eating a piece of apple pie. It wasn't the healthiest choice, but it was so damn good. This little nugget growing inside of me had just as much of a sweet tooth as I did.

The low rumble and roar of motorcycles rattled the windows to the diner as they passed by on the street. I glanced out the window to see Jax and what looked like Opie pulling into the parking lot. My heart lifted at the sight of Jax getting off his bike. The weird encounter with that Zoebelle guy and his friend Weston has had me on edge since this morning.

Jax and Opie walked into the diner and towards the bar. Jax smiled at me as I came out from behind the bar to greet him. "Hey!" I grinned, letting him pull me into his strong arms. I stood up on my tip toes to kiss his lips. They tasted like cigarettes and coffee.

"Hey, babe." He smiled down at me, squeezing my sides gently.

I let go of Jax and walked towards Opie. "Hey, Ope. How are you?" I asked, as I hugged him. It was like hugging a bear. "It's so good to see you!"

"Hanging in there." He answered, but there was an insurmountable amount of sadness in his voice. I pulled back and looked up at him. He looked like he'd lost weight. Probably from not eating and only drinking these past four weeks. His face was tired looking, bags were under his eyes. " Wow, you're already showing a bit." Ope said, holding me at arms length. I looked down at the little stomach I had starting to stick out. It wasn't big, but it was starting to become more noticeable.

I laughed. Jax slipped his arms around me from behind and placed his hands on my stomach. "Ten second rule, man. Let go of my girl." Jax insisted. Opie smirked and let go of my hands. I playfully elbowed Jax in the ribs. He chuckled in my ear before letting me go.

They both took a seat at the bar as I walked back around to the other side. "I'm glad you guys stopped in. It's a nice surprise." I smiled. Every part of me wanted to say something comforting or supportive to Opie, but there was nothing I could say. So I just decided to not treat him like he was broken. It would only make matters worse. "Ellie and Kenny are going to flip when they see you! I'm supposed to pick them up from school in a bit, but if you want to do it…"

"We've got some club stuff to handle. I'll see them later tonight." Opie said, cutting me off. That was weird…. He should be jumping at the opportunity to see them.

"Yeah, no problem." I assured him.

Jax was picking at my piece of pie with a fork. How he even knew it was mine I have no clue. He could be eating a random persons pie for all he knows. "That's my pie!" I swatted Jax's hand away.

"My pie now." He mumbled, chewing. God he was too cute for his own damn good.

Lena walked out of the kitchen and came over to join us. "I thought I heard those beasts pull onto the lot." She grinned at both Jax and Opie, referring to either them or their bikes. I couldn't tell which.

"Always a pleasure, Lena." Jax chuckled.

Opie gave her a small shy ghost of a grin. "Can I get you anything?" Lena asked him. "Since I'm the only one still working!" She glared at me playfully.

"I'm on break! The baby needed a break." I held my stomach.

"Mhmm." Lena singsonged. She cut a piece of cherry pie and sat it in front of Opie.

"Thanks." He mumbled. He sighed, but picked up his fork and started to eat it. Lena grabbed a fork and started digging into his piece as well. I watched Opie watch Lena. He found her as odd and eccentric as she was.

"Can we talk?" I whispered to Jax as Lena asked how Ope's walkabout went. He nodded and we headed to an empty booth and sat down next to each other.

Jax slid his arm around me, making me feel safe and secure. He looked into my eyes and made me smile. The heat and lust from this morning was still there. "I've been thinking about you all day." He whispered in my ear in his incredibly husky sexy voice. His warm breath hit my cheek and made me shudder.

"Try a cold shower." I retorted, grinning.

"Only if you're in it with me." He replied. I rolled my eyes and smacked his chest, making him chuckle.

I glanced over my shoulder at Opie at the bar with Lena and then looked at Jax. "How is he? Really?"

Jax sighed and ran a hand down the side of his face. "I honestly don't know. We just got to give him a minute."

I nodded in agreement. Jax slipped his hand onto my stomach and stared at it, amazed. "I miss Abel." I blurted out. "I don't like being away from him. I have this one with me 24/7 and it just makes me miss Abel more."

"He's with my mother, he's fine." Jax laughed. "You know if you miss him, you could just quit working here and help my mom out in the office and you could have Abel right there. And you know me…" He grinned, pulling me in for a kiss.

"That's very very tempting." I said against his lips. "You sure you wouldn't get sick of me being around all the time?"

"Nope. Because then I could kiss you anytime I wanted." He mumbled back against my lips. I felt like a high school girl making out with my boyfriend in a booth after the big game on Friday night. It was so cliched and cheesy, but I loved every second of it.

"How was the kids appointment this morning?" Jax asked, tucking some hair behind my ear.

"He's perfect. His CBC and CMP's were all normal. He was a little underweight, and I explained he's a little fussy with the feedings sometimes, they suggested switching him to a soy based formula."

"So he can turn into a little vegan pussy?" Jax retorted.

"Don't worry he can drink it in his wife beater onesie while he straddles his big wheel." I assured him. I rolled my eyes and couldn't help but laugh a little.

"I'm kidding." Jax laughed, kissing me again.

"How was your meeting this morning?" I asked, pulling away from Jax's intoxicating kiss. If we didn't cool it, it would turn into something else in a split second.

"It was alright. Tested out some new product this morning." He grinned, meaning he got to play with guns all morning. Lovely. I shook my head and chewed on my lip. That was all the further into detail he was going to go, so I pushed a little. I arched my eyebrow at him, egging him to continue. "We made a new deal with the Irish. We're gonna start running handguns up the coast till the ATF heat dies down. We just need to figure out who that supply goes to now because of all this bullshit with Clay."

He glanced over his shoulder at Opie. "We're sitting down in a bit to talk retaliation for Donna."

I rested my head on his shoulder and felt him kiss the crown of my head. I knew they were going to give Opie some sort of retaliation scheme for what happened to Donna, I just didn't know how far they'd take it or how they'd convince him of who it actually was. Opie had grilled me horrendously before he left, asking if I remembered anything or saw anyone that night. Knowing what I knew it broke my heart to lie to him.

"Promise me you'll be careful, Jax. With all of it. The guns. Opie. Clay. Please. Just promise me." I said, looking up at him to meet his gaze. He held it firmly.

"I promise you." He held my cheek in his hand. "We're gonna be okay. All of us."

 **Jax's Point of View**

Rowan stared back at me, taking in my words. She nodded her head, believing me. I sure as shit hoped I was right. I let my thumb graze over her cheek. God. I loved this girl. She put her hand over mine and kissed the palm of my hand before holding it on her lap.

She grew serious all of a sudden. This can't be good.

"What wrong?" I asked her.

"Have you ever heard of The League of American Nationalists?" She asked, looking at me.

"The League of what?" I half laughed. I had no idea what the hell she was talking about.

"There were two men in here this morning talking with Hale and his brother. They weren't from around here, that much was obvious, but they were quite interested in SAMCRO and you and us…They knew we were together."

"Did they threaten you?" I felt my hackles starting rise at the thought. If anyone hurt a hair on her head, I'd be going to jail for murder. It's as simple as that.

She shook her head. "No. No. They didn't do anything to me. They were just weird."

I nodded my head, thinking. "I'll look into it, okay? Don't worry about it."

Someone tapped me on the shoulder, causing me to look away from Rowan. Opie stood behind me. "We should get going, man."

"Yeah, alright." I kissed Rowan on the lips and slid out of the booth, taking her hand and pulling her out with me.

We all headed back over to the bar. Opie dug his wallet out and started to hand Lena a few bills. She shook her head vehemently. "Pie is on the house today."

Opie paused, unsure of what to say or do briefly for a moment. "Thanks…" He finally said, giving Lena a small smile. I was glad even after everything he could still even do that.

"I'll meet you back at the club, man." I patted his shoulder and watched him head outside. I waited for him to leave before giving Rowan one more kiss. I needed to talk to Hale and didn't want Opie tagging along.

"I'll see you at the club in a bit." I told Rowan before heading out myself.

- **SOA** -

Hale was getting out of his Jeep when I pulled my bike into the stations parking lot. I shut off the engine and got off my bike, removing my sunglasses as I walked over towards him. Hale knew Clay was behind Donna's murder. He'd put the pieces together. Stahl painted Ope out to be the rat. He knew Clay would retaliate. He also knew there was a witness that fingered Opie and Bobby in the Hefner bullshit and had he come forward sooner maybe none of this would have happened. Regardless, I needed to make sure he was on team don't-tell-Opie-because-it'll-kill-him.

"Heard Opies back. You seen him?" Hale asked. He crossed his arms over his chest as I approached.

"I was just with him. He's doing okay, considering. That's why I'm here, man." I slipped my hands in my pockets and looked at the ground and then back up at him. "Look Opies been through hell. So whoever is responsible for killing Donna, you and me can't prove shit. The suspicions we have don't help Ope."

"If he asks me, I'm not gonna lie to him, just because I can't prove it was Clay." Hale said, not seeing the bigger picture here.

"Run it through your head, man. What does it get anybody? Turns Opie inside Out. He loses the only family he's got left. It puts Clay on the attack. He shits in Unsers ear, it's gonna blow back on you."

Hale cleared his throat as he stared at the ground. "Fine. I'll keep my suspicions to myself. But you've gotta do something for me in return."

"What are you blackmailing me?" I scoffed. He's got some balls on him.

"Unser is in bad shape. His cancer ain't going away. The guy should not be on the job. He's got another two months on his extension and then you guys have to let him step down." Hale said sternly. Unser was in bad shape. I knew this. But he was in clays pocket and what he says goes. I felt for the guy, I did. I knew he should have stepped down as Chief months ago. But Clay needed him so the cops would keep turning a blind eye to all the shit we do.

"I'll do what I can to make that happen." I assured him.

- **SOA** -

Opie was being welcomed back by the guy when I arrived back at the clubhouse. Clay glared at me as I got off my bike and stood next to Piney by Deacons bike. We stared at each other momentarily before he led Opie inside the club with the rest of the guys. He hated that I knew the truth. He hated that I could set fire to his lies too. I was a loose cannon now.

"I talked to Hale. He understands." I dug a cigarette out of my cut and lit up.

"Right." Piney scoffed, shaking his head.

"Piney, it's the right thing." Deacon tried to level with him.

"Keeping this between us," I gestured towards the three of us with my cigarette, "is the best thing for now. You hear what I'm saying, Piney?"

The old man turned and shot daggers at me. "Clay tried to kill my son. He slaughtered his wife instead. I'm depending on you to make that right, VP."

"Me fixing things doesn't happen fast or easy. You gotta understand that. I'm trying to navigate this shit without getting anyone else killed. You gotta let me handle this my way. It's all about protecting Ope." I couldn't get my point across anymore than I was. He had to back down off this or shit was gonna get real, really quick.

"Yeah, we'll see." Piney grumbled before walking inside the club.

I glared at Deacon. "Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

"You mean like shoot Clay in the head?" Deacon snapped back. "Yeah, like that." I was thinking about doing it my damn self. "I can't tell you what to do here, VP, but you better do something, or this shit is gonna burn out of control like a fucking wildfire."

"I know that!" I hissed back at him, flicking my cigarette out onto the pavement. "I've got pressure coming from everywhere right now. You. Piney. Hale. I got a pregnant girlfriend whose terrified that Clays gonna put a bullet in my head for knowing what I know, even though she'll never admit it. I'm trying to do right by everyone and have everyone's back. I need you to have mine."

"I've got your back, kid. Always have." Deacon reassured me, patting my shoulder.

I nodded, sighing.

"What do you know about The League of American Nationalists?" I asked as we headed inside.

"Never heard of them. We got a problem?" Deacon asked, grabbing a random beer off the bar as we walked towards church.

"I'm not sure yet." I told him honestly.

Everyone else was already seated at the table when Deacon and I joined them. I lit another cigarette and clenched my jaw shut, preparing myself for whatever lie Clay was gonna spin here today for Opie.

"I haven't been able to say this yet on a club level. We're all broken up about what happened to Donna." Clay said. He looked directly at Opie with fake sincerity. It made me sick. "She was a great girl. I know how much you loved her. She sure loved you. I'm sorry, man."

Opie nodded his head. "Thanks."

"Now we gotta deal with the underbelly of this. Those bullets that killed her, were meant for you. We gotta settle that." Clay stated. I couldn't help but glare at the smug son of a bitch. If Opie only knew how true that statement was…

"It had to be the Niners." Opie insisted. "Unser said it was a gangster SUV with a black guy driving."

"No one saw who was driving, Ope, no one." Tig jumped in. The trigger bitch finally spoke.

"We're pretty sure the guy wasn't black. He was brown." Clay interjected, continuing to weaving this lie together.

"The Mayans? How do you know?" Opie asked. He looked at me confused. He was a bomb waiting to explode. It was only a matter of time.

"Jax and Piney," Clay chuckled, "and Rowan, talked to Laroy."

"Rowan?" Opie smirked, looking at me and then Deacon.

"It's a long story man." I brushed it off.

"You believed Laroy?" Opie questioned, skeptically.

"We did. I know the truth when I hear it." I assured him, glancing at Clay as I stubbed out my cigarette.

"It's got to be Alvarez. We took his money, then left him behind to get shredded by the Niners." Tig said.

The thing about lies, they always catch up to you.

"I had Trammel look into it." Clay said, opening the folder lying in front of him. He pulled out a botch police report he had Trammel print up for him and looked it over. "A black Range Rover got jacked outside a bar that same night in Alameda. It turns up a few days later, a few miles down the road from the Mayan clubhouse in Hayward. Mac-10 casings on the floor. Same as the ones that killed Donna."

"Before the end of the day we're gonna know who was driving." Tig slapped his hand down on the table.

"I convinced Trammel to let us handle the arrest." Clay assured everyone, leaning back in his seat.

I watched Opie at the other end of the table running it all through in his head, trying to grasp some sort of truth out of it all. He finally looked up and met Clays unnerving gaze at the head of the table. "I'm the one who kills him."

"Agreed." Clay said. "You, Tig and Chibbs."

"And me." I shot out.

"I want Jax there." Opie insisted giving Clay no choice but to allow it.

"All right." Clay slammed the gavel down on the table. This meeting was adjourned.

Everyone else slapped Opie on the back and headed out into the main room for a beer. I stayed sitting in my seat next to Clay. I waited until the door was closed before I spoke. "I guess Trammel earned his pay."

Clay looked at me like he wanted to kill me right here and right now. The muscles in his jaw popped and flexed as he stared me down. "You got something you wanna say here?"

"We both know this is bullshit. The only reason I don't set fire to it all is because I love Ope and the truth would fucking kill him." I snapped back at him.

"We all love Ope. He needs this. We're gonna give it to him." Clay replied, like it was no big deal.

He got up and started to head for the door.

"Just make sure whoever you put this murder on deserves to die. Because the guy that killed Donna is out there having a beer with her husband."

Clay whipped around and pointed his finger at me. "You better be real careful how you navigate around this one, son!"

I got up and was in front of him in two quick strides. "Or what, you gonna put a bullet in the back of my head too?"

"Not yours…" Clay answered slowly.

He meant Rowan…

Before I knew what I was doing I had my gun drawn and pointed directly at his head. My blood was like lave coursing through my veins. All I saw was red. I clicked the safety off and rested my finger on the trigger. "Threaten her again and it'll be the last fucking thing you ever do. You so much as look at her the wrong way and I'll end you, president of this club or not. Understand?"

"I understand." Clay smirked.

I lowered my gun slowly.

"If anything happens to Rowan. I'll know it was you and I will come for you." I hissed through clenched teeth.

"Now who's threatening who?" Clay shot out.

"Im not threatening. That's a promise." I shoved past him out of the room before I actually did put a bullet in his fucking head.

 **A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! I decided to keep Deacon as JDM! Lol. I hope you liked this extra long chapter! Until next Tuesday! Xoxo**


	89. Chapter 89: School Yard Brawl

**Chapter 89**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Lena and I were sitting in Jax's truck outside of the elementary school waiting for Ellie and Kenny to come out. Kids were starting to trickle out the entrance and get on their buses. "Look at all those kids! Don't their parents own a television set? I mean that's what porn was invented for, to prevent procreation, I mean seriously! Lena shrieked from the passenger seat beside me. She was watching the Davis kids pile into their mothers SUV. There were six kids in the family. She was joking of course.

"Oh my god." I laughed along with Lena, sipping on the blue raspberry sonic ice I'd been craving all day.

"That's a lot of kids for one person! I mean how on earth does she keep track of them all!" Lena laughed. She propped her feet up on my dash. "I have trouble keeping track of Ellie and Kenny when they are with me."

I'd noticed Lena was getting quite attached to Ellie and Kenny since she started helping babysit them. It was cute. I'd never tell her that because she would probably punch me in the face. I saw the way she was looking at Opie today at the diner too. "So you gave Opie free pie today…Don't think I didn't notice, because I did." I arched my brow at her, giving her a sideways glance with a smirk.

Lena looked at me and rolled her eyes, laughing. "You give Jax free food all the time."

"Yes, but we are talking about you giving Opie free food." I pointed out, redirecting the conversation back to her. She was dodging my questions which only confirmed my suspicions about the look she was giving him earlier. "What did you guys talk about when I was talking to Jax?"

"We just talked about a bike he found while he was away. It's a 67' Knucklehead. He wants to restore it. I suggested that he work on it with Kenny, if you must know, mom." She said without missing a beat.

I beamed at her letting her know I saw through her nonsense. "It's a June wedding then, right?"

Lena doesn't open up to many people. All of the guys that she's been involved with in the past have cheated on her and treated her like shit. That's why she stopped trying to have relationships and started partying with whoever would party. But since she's started helping with Kenny and Ellie she's slowed down and hasn't been partying as much. It was good for her. Something told me, maybe, when the time was right, Opie might be good for her too.

"Fuck you!" Lena said, flipping me the finger and stealing my slushie.

I chuckled, spotting Kenny and Ellie making their way towards my car. Kenny was walking with his head down, staring at his shoes.

"All jokes aside. I think Ope could use a friend like you right now." I told her earnestly.

"Yeah, because I just omit sunshine and sparkles, right?" She laughed, as Kenny and Ellie opened the back doors. They climbed in and got settled in their seats.

"How was your day, guys?" I asked, turning around in my seat to face them.

"It was fun! Adelaide brought her pet hamster to show and tell today." Ellie beamed, putting on her seatbelt.

"A hamster! That's awesome! What about you, Kenny? How was your day, bud." I looked at Kenny, but he just shrugged and stared at his shoes. "What's the matter?" Something was clearly bothering him. Usually he started talking from the moment he opened the door until we got back to his house. This wasn't like him.

I glanced at Lena as she turned around in her seat to face them too. "Kenny? Kenny Chesney? What's going on?!" Lena said, grabbing his foot and shaking it. A glimpse of a smile made an appearance on his face. I couldn't help but smirk at the nick name she'd given him.

We were driving home from the park one night and Kenny Chesney came on the radio and Kenny started belting out the words to it, not messing up the lyrics once. So Lena started calling him her little Kenny Chesney. He busted out laughing that day when she said it. It was the first time I'd heard him laugh since Donna's funeral.

"Don't make us turn on the radio!" I singsonged.

Kenny huffed, and crossed his arms over his chest. "Tyler won't stop picking on me. He shoved me at recess. He said my dad killed my mom."

My heart sunk to my stomach. I was furious. I wanted to bury this kid. No. I wanted to bury his parents, because that's undoubtedly where he heard something like that. People are idiots.

"He says it all the time." Ellie whispered, looking down. She didn't know what to think of the statement. They are both so lost and confused as it is and now this little shit is saying Opie killed Donna. It's not okay. At all.

"Well, Tyler is stupid. What happened to your mom was an accident." Lena assured them both.

"Your daddy is a good man. He loved your mom, just like he loves you two." I added, smiling at them both.

"Which one is Tyler?" Lena questioned out loud, looking out the windshield at the throngs of children rushing to their parents cars, back packs swinging behind them in the wind. Kenny pointed to a little boy in a baseball cap getting into a red car. "Him!"

A woman wearing a tight pink pencil skirt and white blouse was talking on her cell phone standing next to the car. She looked like she was maybe in her early thirties. Lena and I shared a knowing look. This was not going to slide. "We'll be right back. Stay in the car." I said.

We got out of the truck and marched over to Tyler's mother. "Excuse me? Are you Tyler's mother?" I asked, wanting to make sure I had the right person. She held her finger up, to silence me because she was still on the phone.

I sighed, but politely waited, crossing my arms over my chest, glancing at Lena. Tyler's mom was going on about some board meeting that she would be late for. "If I could just talk to you for one second…" I tried to butt in again.

Her finger went up again. I scoffed and shook my head glancing at Lena. I was about to break her finger. I'd like to see her stick it up in the air after that.

"Screw this." Lena mumbled. She grabbed the phone out of her hand abruptly and ended the call. "Oh I am so glad your phone call ended!" Lena said and shoved her phone back in her hand.

She stared at us, completely appalled. "What is wrong with you!"

"My name's Rowan Collins, I'm a family friend of the Winston's. Your son has been picking on my friends kid, Kenny, and it needs to stop. Now." I said sternly.

Tyler's mother scoffed and shook her head. "Boys will be boys. They'll work it out." She started texting someone on her phone, obviously done with this conversation.

"I think we need to do something about the fact that your kid is saying Kenny's dad had something to do with his mothers death. That's not okay." I wasn't letting this go.

"Oh, honey. Maybe Donna shouldn't have been married to some low life outlaw and gotten herself killed. Then Tyler wouldn't be teasing him." She shrugged, giving me a wicked snooty grin.

"Maybe you shouldn't be such a bitch. Bitch." Lena spat, stepping forward.

She went to walk away from me, but I grabbed her elbow. "Listen, honey, if your little brat of a son doesn't stop picking on Kenny, not only will I give him permission to kick his ass, but I'll be kicking yours right along side him! Got that, bitch?"

I dropped my hand from her arm and glared at her before turning on my heel to walk away. Something hit the back of my shoulders causing me to stumble forward. Luckily, I was able to catch myself before I fell. My hand went to my stomach, instinctually to protect it.

I whirled around, feeling my heart racing in my chest. That stupid bitch actually shoved me. Other parents had now taken notice to our little altercation and were starting to stop and stare.

"Did you seriously just shove a pregnant woman?" Lena growled. Without a moments hesitation her fist flew back and collided with Tyler's mothers cheek. She stumbled back, clutching her face. "Teach your kid some manners and while you're at it, learn some yourself!"

Lena turned and put her hand on my arm and we walked back towards the truck. "I think I broke my hand!" Lena whispered, shaking out her hand as we continued to walk.

After Lena and I dropped Ellie and Kenny off at their house with Mary. I dropped Lena off at her house and told her I'd see her later at Bobby's welcome home party.

- **SOA** -

I was holding Abel while I paced back and forth in the kitchen. Ever since Gemma had dropped him off he'd been fussy. I was rubbing his back and humming Fall Out Boy to him. He loved it. Abel finally dozed off in my arms so I just held him as I sat down in the living room. I hadn't heard from Jax all day, which worried me a little. I grabbed my phone off the coffee table and started to call him, but stopped short. I didn't want to be a pain in the ass, but I wanted to know if he was okay. I also wanted to tell him to warn Opie that we may or may not have gotten Ellie and Kenny kicked out of school with our little playground brawl.

That woman had it coming though!

I decided to call Jax anyway. If he was busy, he just wouldn't answer.

The phone rang three times before he answered. "Hey, babe." He sounded far away. There was static or wind on his end.

"Hey! Are you okay?" I asked quickly.

"Yeah, I'm just kinda in the middle of something. Everything okay?" He asked. We both worried about each other more than two people probably should.

"Everything's fine. Well, actually no. It's not. I almost beat the shit out of some mom at Kenny and Ellie's school today, and Lena actually did. So I think we might have gotten them kicked out of school…" I cringed. We could have handled that situation just a little bit better. Oh god, and her kid saw Lena punch her. Kenny and Ellie saw it all go down too.

"You what?" Jax half laughed. He either couldn't believe it or didn't want to believe it. "Tell me the rest later. I gotta finish up here and then drop something in Hayward and then I'll meet you at the club, alright? My mom told you Neeta was gonna watch Abel tonight right?"

"She did. I'll see you in a bit. I love you, Jax." I said sincerely.

"I love you too, babe." Jax replied, before hanging up.

- **SOA** -

Bobby's welcome home party was bigger than even I expected. The lot at the clubhouse was packed with people. Rock music blared over the loudspeakers giving the crow eaters something to dance to. Bonfires had been built in fifty gallon drums lighting up the night sky. The smell of BBQ wafted through the air as I walked around looking for Deacon. I finally found him watching two guys duke it out in the boxing ring beside the garage.

"You and I got dibs on the ring next." I called out over the music. My eyes caught sight of two people making out heavily against the side of the building. The things that I've seen tonight with probably haunt me for weeks to come.

Abel will never be present at one of these club gatherings. Ever.

Deacon looked over his shoulder and grinned when he saw it was me. I sidled up beside him. He leaned over and kissed the side of my head. "Not in your condition, kiddo."

"My condition? I'm pregnant!" I laughed, leaning my shoulder into his. He gave me a rueful grin. The guy in the ring got hit hard and fell to the mat. I flinched and laughed as Deacon put his arm around me and led me away from the ring.

"How you doing, kid? With everything. Jax mentioned you were a little worried about the whole Opie situation." Deacon whispered in my ear as we walked. Opie was sitting at a picnic table with Piney and Lena and few other girls across the lot. I nodded my head and shrugged. "I'm okay…I mean okay as can be in this kind of situation. I'm just worried that something is going to happen to Jax. If Clay did what he did to Opie because he thought he ratted, what's he going to do to Jax when he challenges him on all this bullshit?" I stopped walking and looked up at my dad.

It's been eating at me, little by little. The fear that Jax isn't safe within his own club.

"Jax will be fine.." Deacon reassured me. "Clay made a horrendous mistake. Something he'll have to live with forever. But it's caused a rift and that rift won't even out overnight, sweetheart. Jax can handle his own."

"Can you just watch out for him? Please." I asked. Deacon squeezed my shoulder and nodded his head. He was about to say something when a silver Beamer pulled onto the lot. Deacon eyed the car suspiciously. It wasn't ATF dropping Bobby off.

"You stay here." He commanded, before walking towards the car along with Clay and Tig and the other guys.

Jax still hadn't even gotten here yet.

I walked forward slowly, crossing my arms over my chest to keep warm. I stopped when I recognized the two men getting out of the car. It was that Zoebelle guy and his pervy friend Weston…

 **A/N: Thank you guys for over 1,000 reviews! You already know it, but I'll say it anyway, I love ya! I hope you like how I'm trying to ease Lena and Opie together! They'll be a slowish burn. Shit is about to get REAL in the next chapter!**

 **Whats to come in the next chapter! (This is kinda like a preview for the next episode of a show! Lol) Jax and Rowan will have a sweet moment that signifies just how much she loves him! Bobby comes home! Then some real heavy shit happens that I'm not gonna spoil… ;)**

 **Don't forget to follow Rowan's Instagram: collins_rowan**


	90. Chapter 90: Albification

**Chapter 90**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Clay, Deacon, Tig, Chibbs and Juice formed a semi circle around Weston and Zoebelle. Everyone's eyes were on them. It seemed like the entire party had come to a stand still. The music continued to play, but it sounded like someone had turned it down. A sick feeling washed over me. What the hell did these guys want? They had to be two of the stupidest people on the planet, marching in here like they belonged.

Lena joined me at my side as I walked closer to hear what was being said. "What is this? Who are these assholes." She asked, leaning into my ear. Her breath smelled like vodka as it hit my cheek. Clearly, her and Opie had been enjoying knocking back a few shots.

"Just that exactly, assholes." I told her, keeping my eyes locked on Deacon. He stood ridged behind Clay next to Tig. His eyes were locked on the two Mexican men that were leaning against Zoebelle's pretty little car.

I'm guessing they were his security detail.

"Shop's closed." Clay stated, pointing towards the garage with his beer bottle.

Zoebelle grinned. "We're not here for, uh, car repairs.

I understand you're a camacho fan." He said, walking towards Clay. He held out the box of cigars for Clay to take, but Clay just glanced down at them and dismissed them.

All of the guys looked at each other. They were wondering who the hell Zoebelle was and what the fuck he was doing here on their lot.

"Who are you?" Clay questioned.

"Just dropping by to give you a little friendly advice." Weston spoke. He was an odd man. He stood before Clay and the others like he had a permanent stick up his ass. His chin was jutted up into the air, like he was trying to be superior.

Having them here at my father's club, at Jax's club, made me uncomfortable. I kept my arms crossed over my chest as I watched their confrontation. Gemma strolled over and stood between Lena and I. She placed her hands on each of our shoulders in an attempt at giving us a little reassurance and comfort.

"And what advice would that be?" Clay shot back. I'm surprised he hasn't just told them to get the hell off his property.

"We feel it would be best for all concerned if you stop dealing arms to the one niners and the mayans." Zoebelle insisted adamantly. Like he and Clay we're old friends and he was giving him his wise words of wisdom.

"I don't even know what you're talking about. We're just mechanics and Harley lovers." Clay shrugged. The guys behind him chuckled and snickered.

"That's one of Darby's guys back there." Deacon pointed out to Clay. He was referring to the security detail leaning against the car.

"Mr. Darby is one of our supporters." Zoebelle offered.

Clay stepped forward causing Zoebelle to take a tentative step back. Clay slowly started to walk around him, accessing him. "Expensive car. Hell of a suit. All your teeth. Must be the top of the aryan food chain?"

"What you do for a living is between you and your Maker. I'm not here to adjust your moral compass." Zoebelle said. "This is just a reality check. You're a criminal and you're done selling guns to color."

Deacon and Tig both reached inside their cuts for their guns. The distinct sound of the safety's being turned off could be heard even from where I was standing. I took a step back, starting to get a little worried about what was about to happen here. My first thought being to protect my child. My hand involuntarily drifted to my stomach. Like my hand would stop a stray bullet flying through the air.

"It's alright, sweetheart." Gemma assured me, squeezing my shoulder. Was it really, though?

Where was Jax? Why wasn't he here? Suddenly I wanted him and only him.

"Are you gonna shoot me, . Mr. Collins? With all these witnesses? Including your own daughter." Zoebelle challenged. Deacon stepped forward intimidatingly.

"Ain't a damn person here that would admit they witnessed a thing." Deacon growled back. I'd never seen him this way before. This intense. Clay held up his hand to put the brakes on Deacon. He glared at Zoebelle and Weston. "Look, I don't know what Darby told you and, I don't know what your angle is, but let me be real clear…Nobody threatens SAMCRO. And nobody tells us what we can and can't do. Black, brown or white. So, why don't you just climb back into your little german clown car and drive back to nazi town? 'cause the next time you piss all over my shoes, they will kill you. I don't give a shit how many witnesses there are."

"My shop opens in a few weeks. Until then Enjoy." Zoebelle smirked, sitting the box of expensive cigars down in front of Clay's feet.

Weston turned and started to walk back towards the car. He grinned at me and Gemma and Lena. "Have a nice night, ladies." His voice sent shivers down my spine.

We stood there and watched both men and their security get back into their car. As they slowly backed out of the lot Tig and a guy named Happy stalked after them to make sure they got the message they weren't welcome here.

"I want to know everything." Clay hissed at Juice as we approached the guys.

He nodded his head. "You got it."

"What the hell was that about?" Lena blurted out to no one in particular. I'd told her a little bit about SAMCRO, but not everything. Opie ushered her back over to the picnic table saying, "Just some dipshits trying to claim they have bigger dicks."

Deacon tossed his arm around my shoulders. "You alright, kid?"

"I'm okay. You?" I questioned, looking up at him. He smirked and kissed the side of my head. "I'm just fine. Go on. Go join Opie and Lena."

Doing as I was told I went and sat down at the picnic table with Opie and Lena. I had so many questions, but knew I wouldn't get any answers even if I asked. "So do either one of you wanna tell me why my mother got a call from Kenny and Ellie's school today." Opie asked, pointing his beer bottle at us.

Lena and I shared a glance and shrugged, playing dumb.

"We can't confirm or deny what happened there." Lena offered him. "What I can say is there was a bitch that needed to be put in her place and that she was in fact put in her place."

"After you punched her…" I coughed out, grinning.

"Thank you." Opie said, looking at me and then Lena. "Both of you." His eyes lingered on her a lot longer then they did on me.

- **SOA** -

It didn't take long for the party to get back into full swing after Zoebelle and Weston's unscheduled little visit. Jax still hadn't even arrived yet and I was starting to wonder where he was. Laughter and chatter flitted through the air once again mixed with the rock music. It was half past ten o'clock when another car pulled onto the lot. Only we knew who this was.

Bobby was finally home.

Everyone gathered around the car as he got out. All of the guys rushed to hug the burly guy. I couldn't help but smile as they slapped him on the back and handed him his cut back. Bobby pulled it on immediately and hollered something I couldn't quite make out over the roar of everyone.

Clay meandered over towards Stahl's car as she popped out to watch the scene. "Thanks for giving him a lift! What do I owe you?"

She gave him a tight lipped grin. "No charge."

"You sure you don't wanna stick around awhile? I'm sure you could do some real damage to a stripper pole." Clay joked in an attempt to rattle Agent Stahl, the reigning bitch of ATF. I was surprised Agent Kohn wasn't with her. Well, more like relieved…

The roar of a motorcycle pulled my attention away from Clay and Stahl. Jax drove onto the lot as Stahl was leaving. I told Lena I would be back in a second and got up to go see Jax. He parked his bike and got off, removing his helmet. As I slowly made my way through the throngs of people I noticed him watching Bobby's return. I thought he'd come join in on it, but instead he turned and headed inside the clubhouse.

I made my way into the clubhouse. I was about to head upstairs when Gemma cut in front of me. "Can you give me a lift home? My cars out of gas. Everyone else is too wasted to get behind the wheel and I am not sleeping here tonight."

"Yeah, sure. I'm just gonna go check in with Jax. He's upstairs." I told her, starting up the steps.

"Don't take forever!" Gemma called out as I reached the top of the steps.

I walked into Jax's old dorm room knowing this is where I'd find him. "Hey…I was beginning to wonder if you weren't gonna show." I whispered, capturing his attention. He turned away from his dresser and looked at me, dropping a rag on the floor. "Hey, babe." He kissed my forehead when I approached him.

I bent down and picked up the rag off the floor, taking notice of the red splotches on it. For an instant my heart sunk a little in my chest, because I knew it was blood. I looked up and met Jax's hard gaze with my own and knew it was right.

"It's not mine." He assured me, when he realized I was looking him up and down for injuries.

Slowly he took the rag out of my hand and tossed it onto the floor in the corner. He sighed and ran a hand down the side of his face. "Who does that blood belong too, Jax?" I asked, quietly, my voice was barely a whisper.

Jax lowered his eyes and leaned against his dresser. He didn't want to tell me. He didn't want me to know. Not telling me was his way of protecting me, but if this is the shit I'm going to being dealing with I need to know. "I need the truth."

"I helped Opie kill a man today. Shot him in the head. Retaliation for Donna." Jax said looking me dead in the eye. He was gauging my reaction or trying to at least.

I let out a small breath I didn't know I was holding and nodded my head. I knew something like this was coming, so it wasn't shocking or surprising. Even though it should be. My boyfriend just told me he helped murder someone today and yet I don't feel scared or afraid of him.

"Did the guy at least deserve it?" I asked.

"He was a murderer. So yeah, I'd say he deserved it." Jax admitted, crossing his arms over his chest.

I stepped forward and touched his chest only for him to move away from me. Spinning on my heel to face him, I grabbed him hand. "Jax? Are you okay?"

He scoffed and shook his head, chewing on his lip slightly. His eyes stared at my hand in his. "You know sometimes I look at you and wish I would have met you when I was sixteen." Jax's eyes met mine. "I think if I'd met you back then, maybe I wouldn't be where I am today, maybe I wouldn't be turning into who I am." I stepped closer towards him and placed my hand on the side of his neck gently. His eyes fluttered closed as he worked through whatever was going on in his head. "You're sharing a bed with a murderer, Rowan."

"No. Don't say that." I insisted, he pulled away from slightly, but I followed him, placing my hands on his face so he'd look at me. This was his guilt and shame talking. "Listen to me," I said sternly, "do you want to know what I see when I look at you, Jax? I see a good man. A good man who did something today to protect his best friend from a truth that would destroy him. I see a father who loves his son so much and would do anything for him. You do the things that you do to protect the people that you love. That's the man that I share a bed with."

Jax pressed his forehead against mine and held onto my wrists. We stayed like that for what felt like forever. "Thank you…" he whispered, as my hands slid down his chest. His nosed nudged mine as he leaned down to kiss me tenderly on the lips.

"I love you…" I assured him, reaching up and tucking some of his hair behind his ear. I wrapped my arms around his neck and felt him instantly do the same. He held me as tight as possible against his chest. I swore I could feel his heart beating against mine.

"I love you too." He whispered into my hair.

A knock at the door caused us to pull apart. "Come on, blondie! I wanna go home." Gemma hollered from the other side of the door. I rolled my eyes.

"I have to take your mom home." I explained. Jax nodded, but kept his hands on my waist.

"She can wait." He said, leaning down to kiss me once again. I stood on my tiptoes to reach him better. He kissed me like it was the first time we've ever kissed each other. It was slow and deliberate and soft. "I don't know what I'd do with out you in my life, Ro." He spoke against my lips.

"You'd inevitably crash and burn." I told him, grinning.

He laughed as I felt a skittering across my stomach. I placed my hand on my belly and laughed. "Your kid has been kicking me all night. I swear it's part ninja."

Jax put his hand on my stomach and gave me a genuine smile. "Let me take you both home."

"You should stay, at least say hi to Bobby. I know you've missed him. Besides your mom needs a ride."

Jax considered it for a moment and then nodded in agreement. "Alright. I won't be long though."

I kissed his cheek before backing away from him slowly. Our hands fell away from each other. "I'll leave the porch light on for you." I smiled, before turning and heading out of the room.

Gemma was waiting outside by my car. "What did you do jump his bones?" She hissed, clearly not a fan of waiting. I rolled my eyes as we got in the car. Thankfully Gemma's place wasn't that far from the clubhouse so this would be a short trip.

As we drove down the road Gemma sifted through her purse for her cigarettes. She eventually found them and lit one. The smell only made me feel nauseated. The baby was still moving around making me feel even worse on top of it. God, kid what are you doing somersaults in my stomach?

"Was Jax alright?" Gemma asked after a while.

"He's fine." I assured her.

I wondered briefly how much Clay tells Gemma about the club and the clubs business. Does she know everything? Part of me couldn't stand to be in the same car as her because she knows what Clay did to Opie's family. She doesn't know that I know the truth.

"How much does Clay tell you about the club?" I questioned nonchalantly. "Do you like to know what goes on or what they do?"

"There's nothing that goes on in this club that I don't know about, sweetheart. Jax tell you everything?" She flipped the tables back around to me. That was quick.

"Yes. He has been." I glanced over at her.

"Good. You're too smart to live in the vague." I almost took that as a compliment from her.

We rolled up to a stop sign and I put my foot on the break. Shining white headlights lit up the back window of my car as a minivan pulled up behind us. I was about to put my foot on the gas when the person in the minivan got out of the car yelling and screaming frantically.

"You have to help me! My baby!" She woman yelled.

I rolled my window down as she approached my car. "Please! My baby is choking! I don't know what to do!"

"Jesus Christ." Gemma shot out of the car before me and raced to the minivan with the young woman.

I got out of the car a second later, the headlights momentarily blinding my vision. As I walked past the lights I saw the woman hit Gemma over the head with tire iron. Two strong arms wrapped around me from behind causing me to scream. What the hell was happening? I struggled against the person holding me and felt a rag being pressed against my nose and mouth. I screamed and whipped my head to the side. I could see Gemma being pushed into the minivan by the young woman as I got dragged closer and closer.

My vision blurred as I started to sway in and out of unconsciousness. What was on that rag? What the hell was happening! I kept trying to fight, but my limbs felt weak and I felt tired. So incredibly tired. My eyes closed as I was being pushed into the minivan. "It's a good thing I tagged along for back up. You never would have been able to get both of them!" A mans voice echoed in my ears and then I didn't hear a thing…

 **A/N: As always thank you to the moon and back for your reviews! This next chapter is going to be my biggest challenge yet! I just want to say that Rowan will NOT be raped. I just can't do that to her. But I promise there will be a twist to this!**


	91. Chapter 91: Darkness

**Chapter 91**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Cold. That's all I felt.

Slowly, I started to come too, but all I could see was black, darkness. I wanted to open my eyes, but they felt so heavy, like they weighed a thousand pounds. Gradually, though I forced my eyes open, one at a time. I blinked away the blurriness enough to realize that I was lying on a concrete floor.

That explained why I felt so cold…my cheek was smashed against the floor.

Where the hell am I? What happened to me? How did I get here? Where the hell is here. I don't even know where I am.

Panic rose within in me as I moaned trying to lift my head off the ground. It was throbbing. I reached up and touched the side of my head and my hand came back covered in blood.

I felt confused and disoriented. My insides twisted in on themselves as I vaguely remembered what happened. The girl in the minivan. A choking baby. Headlights. Gemma getting hit over the head.

Gemma. Where was Gemma?

Slowly, I forced myself up into a sitting position. I went to touch my head again with my other hand and found that it was handcuffed to a metal pipe along the wall I was lying next to. I yanked on it as hard as I possibly could for what felt like forever before giving up. It was no use. "Dammit!"

Tears were falling down my cheeks steadily. My heart raced in my chest like a a hummingbird's wings mid flight. I was in a small concrete block room, windows lined the far wall, but it was dark out, so no light came through.

I jumped, startled at the sound of a noise. The latch on the metal sliding door screeched as someone on the other side unlocked it. Frantically I scoured the room for a weapon I could use that was within reach, but there was nothing.

The door slid open with a loud screech making my ears pulse. Three men in white masks entered the room slowly, stalking me like prey.

"Stay the hell away from me!" I screamed, yanking on the handcuff again trying to desperately break free. "Who are you?" I screamed again, shaking now.

One of the men stepped towards me causing me to push myself up against the corner of the wall, tucking my knees under my chin to protect my stomach and the baby. I wanted something between the baby and them. He knelt down in front of me and cocked his head to the side, watching me.

"I think it's time we begin." He said in a hoarse raspy voice. Begin what?

He reached out and touched my leg causing me to scream. "Get the hell off me you son of a bitch!" I kicked him in the chest and he fell back on his ass.

"Let me go!" I screamed as loud as possible, making my throat sore. One of the other men came towards me and yanked me to my feet by the shoulders and then grabbed me by the neck. He squeezed just enough to start to cut off my airway... He kept me pressed against the wall as the other guy unlocked the handcuff from the metal pipe.

My eyes darted to the open door and I knew I had to fight. I'm not going down without a fight. I'm not letting something happen to my baby.

I brought my knee up into his groan and watched him double over in pain. I tried to make a break for the door, but felt a strong hand grasp around my forearm and screamed and found myself flying back into the concrete wall, hard. My head smacked the wall and my entire vision went black for a moment. I slid to the ground momentarily stunned, but tried to get up again.

I was stumbling around on all fours. Two guys grabbed me under the arms, despite my protests and cries of pain. They dragged me out of the room and down a dark dank smelling hallway. I screamed and squirmed and managed to elbow one of them in the ribs. I finally saw a chain link fence illuminated by light coming into view.

Gemma was tied to the chain link fence, her hands above her head. The two men slammed me face first into the chain link fence beside Gemma and kept me pressed there. "Gemma!" I cried out. She stirred, and turned her head to face me. Her face was black and blue and bloodied already. "Gemma!"

"What do you want?!" Gemma snapped out, eyeing the men. I couldn't see what they were doing because my face was pinned against the fence. "You know who I am?! You know what I can do to you?! Take off the mask, you goddamn piece of shit!" Gemma kicked one of the assholes and I heard a loud groan and then saw one of the others punch her in the face.

"Stop! Please!" I begged, blinking away tears.

"Get that one on the ground." Someone behind me said and then I was being slammed onto the concrete floor.

My arms were pinned above my head by someone and one of the men in the white masks straddled me. "Get the fuck off of me! Don't do this! Please don't do this!" I begged. They were going to rape me. I knew it. I'd read once somewhere that if someone was trying to rape you or harm you that urinating was a way to deter them away from you. So that's what I did. I pissed myself.

"Son of bitch. She pissed all over!" The guy groaned, punching me in the face in retaliation. My lip split in two and I tasted blood in my mouth. I spit it out on him and cried whipping my head to the side, not wanting to look at the mask anymore.

"Get off of her! Do you have any idea who her father is! Who she's with! You're dead if you touch a single hair on her body!" Gemma yelled, trying her best to stay in control of the situation.

The guy holding my wrists above my head stared down at me. I fought against the vice like grip on my wrists and thrashed as the one straddling me felt my breasts. I wanted to vomit. He yanked the straps to my dress down along with my bra straps. His hands, his disgusting hands roamed all over my body and I could hear myself yelling and screaming along with Gemma, but I wasn't yelling for them to stop, because it was no use. I was yelling for Jax.

"Jax!" I cried uncontrollably. "Jax!"

The guy straddling me grabbed me by the chin so harshly and made me look at him. "He can't hear you, sweetheart. No one can here you! Jax Teller ain't coming to save you!"

He reached down and rammed his hands under the hem of my dress and grabbed the hem of my panties, ripping them. I managed to get on of my wrists free and slapped my hand across his face, causing his mask to go askew. "Grab her!"

"Don't you touch her! Get off her!" Gemma screamed manically.

"You wanna hit me in the face bitch?" The guy straddling me yelled, pinching my chin. "How bout I mess up that pretty little face of yours, huh?" He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pocket knife and flipped it open.

The blade was immediately pressed against my left cheek, hard. I could feel it breaking the skin already. "Lets see how much Jax Teller likes you when I'm finished with you." The blade pressed into my skin by my eye and I felt a searing burning ripping sensation gliding down along my jawline.

I screamed as the knife dug into my skin. The pain was almost unbearable. He pulled the knife away and held it in front of my eye, showing me the blood on the blade. My blood. His hand found the zipper to his jeans and I heard it being pulled down.

I moaned turning my head away from him, growing tired already from the amount of pain radiating through my face. "Don't do this!" Gemma begged, "She's pregnant! Please! If you have to do this, do it to me! Please!" Gemma called out frantically from somewhere that seemed far away.

"Pregnant?" The man whispered surprised, placing his hand on my stomach. "Maybe we should just get rid of this kid before he becomes a problem for us too."

"Enough!" Someone else called from somewhere else in the room. It was a familiar voice, but I couldn't place who it belonged too. "Leave the young one. This is about the matriarch of the MC. Get her to her feet so she can watch."

Before I knew it I was being hauled up onto my feet, but my legs didn't want to work, so I ended up on my knees. Blood streamed down my face quickly and my head spun as I was forced onto my feet again and slammed into the fence beside Gemma. My hands were tied above my head just like hers.

My head was turned so I had to look at Gemma. I could see two men closing in on her. They grabbed at her hips and began yanking and pulling her clothes off. Her screams radiated through my eardrums. I cried and watched helplessly as they raped her…

It seemed like it lasted forever.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. We're almost done. We need you to pass on a message to your old man. Tell him to stop selling guns to niggers and wetbacks or we find you and we do this again. Next time we do it to the girl and you." He threatened. I stared at his crisp white shirt and watched as he grabbed Gemma by the waist again and forced himself on her.

When he moved I could see a weird tattoo on his neck. It was an upside down peace symbol. I made a mental note of it. Etched it into my mind. It would be something we could tell the police if we survived this.

Once they were finished with Gemma they released her hands and laid her on the ground, like she was nothing, nothing but a piece of trash. She didn't move or speak. Only small almost inaudible sobs wracked through her body. They released my wrists next and shoved me to the ground. I was too scared to move so I just sunk to my knees gripping the fence in front of me, shaking. Then they disappeared, like they were never here at all. Leaving Gemma and I in the piercing silence of the warehouse we were in. At least it seemed like a warehouse. I honestly didn't really even know where we were.

Slowly, I crawled over to Gemma. There was a wool blanket lying by a crate, so I grabbed it to cover her body with so she wasn't so exposed. "Gemma…" I whispered. My face was in excruciating pain. The blood was still dripping down my neck and onto the blanket covering Gemma now. I'd need stitches, lots of them, maybe even plastic surgery eventually.

I looked around waiting for them to come back. Did they leave? Were they still here? What do I do? Every fiber of my being was panicking.

"I need to get help…" I whispered, moving around to the front of her, to look at her face. Her poor face was brutally bruised and swelling already from the hits she took. She latched her hand onto my arm, squeezing. She didn't want me to leave her. I didn't want to leave her either. I lowered my head onto her side and cried momentarily paralyzed…I wanted to scream. I wanted to kill those filthy disgusting assholes. I wanted Jax. And my mom and my dad.

 **Jax's Point of View**

It was good to have Bobby back. I'd stayed at the party long enough to say hello and then decided to head home to Rowan and the kid. I wasn't in the mood to party after today. Opie had to kill that Mayan so he could move forward. I had to help him do that. When he carved our symbol into the dude's stomach I couldn't help but think when someone found him it was gonna cause an all out war, with us being the target. So I made the decision to put it on the Niners. I left the body in Hayward holding up nine fingers and blew out his stomach to cover Opie's artwork. Clay was gonna shit when he found out, but I didn't care. This was his fault.

I pulled my bike into the driveway and shut it off, noticing Rowan's car wasn't in the driveway. She left before I did. She only had to drop my mother off. She should have beat me home. Although anything involving my mother is never as easy as it's supposed to be.

I headed inside and found Neeta sitting at the kitchen table reading a book. Abel must already be out for the night. Hopefully he stayed asleep so Rowan and I could possibly have some time alone. It hasn't been that long since we've had sex, I just miss her and want her more than anything.

"Hey, Neeta." I said, "Rowan's not home?" I removed my cut and hoodie and hung them by the door.

"No. She hasn't come in yet." Neeta told me. She was a kind older black woman who watched a lot of the kids for the club.

"Thanks for watching Abel. I've gotta it from here. You should go home and get some rest." I said, sitting down at the kitchen table and lighting up a cigarette.

Neeta gathered her belongings and patted my shoulder as she headed past me towards the door. "You have a good night, Jackson."

Once Neeta left it was just me and the kid. I walked into his room and checked on him. He was sound asleep in his crib. I placed my hand on his stomach and felt the rise and fall of his chest. His little eyelids fluttered in his sleep making me smirk. I hoped he was dreaming something good. Rowan was right. I'd do anything for this kid. And for her. I cracked Abel's door as I exited his room and headed towards mine. I took a quick shower and fell into bed. It felt weird lying in bed without Rowan. Her side of the bed being empty didn't sit right with me. It looked wrong. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and called her to check on her. "Hey, its Rowan! You know what to do." I sighed, straight to voicemail.

"Where are you? I'm home and you're not here. I want you…" I left a voicemail. I lied on my back and closed my eyes, unintentionally drifting off into unconsciousness...

 **TO BE CONTINUED...**


	92. Chapter 92: Small Tears

**Chapter 92**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Gemma and I were both in shock. I couldn't really form a single coherent thought as I knelt in front of her, holding her hands. Tears fell down Gemma's face in waves, quiet sobs shook her shoulders. We needed help, but I couldn't leave her. Not yet. So I stayed there holding her hand for what seemed like an eternity. In reality it was probably only ten or fifteen minutes.

"Rowan?" I could hear someone calling my name from a distance. "Rowan, you in there?" I lifted my head off Gemma's shoulder and shakily looked around wide eyed and listened.

Gemma opened her tired eyes, recognition registering on her shattered features.

"Hello?" The voice echoed through the warehouse. It sounded like it was coming from outside of the building. A loud bang echoed through the building. I looked around frantically for a door, spotting one on the opposite side of the building.

"That's Wayne…" Gemma whispered. "Wayne! We're in here!" She called out, her voice was hoarse from screaming. She continued to yell as I got up and stumbled towards the door.

Unser must have shot the lock off the door because I heard a loud pop and then the door swung open. I'd never been so happy to see Unser in my entire life. The light from outside rushed in around him as he stepped towards me, arms outstretched. "Oh, darling. What the hell happened?"

He reached up and tried to inspect the cut on my face, but I winced and pulled away not wanting to be touched. "It's Gemma. She…she's over here." I whispered, turning and running back towards her, with Unser right behind me.

I knelt back down beside Gemma and looked up to see one of the most heartbreaking mortified looks on the old chiefs face. His shoulders sagged as he shuffled closer to us in disbelief. Gemma struggled to sit up, so I helped her a little. "Get us out of here Wayne." She said, her bottom lip quivering.

Unser ran out to his car and came back inside with a small medical bag. I'd helped Gemma get to her feet and get her clothes back on, even though they were partially torn. Wayne draped his police jacket over her shoulders to keep her warm and from feeling exposed.

"We need to get a bandage on your face, sweetheart." He told me, holding up a bandage in his hand.

Reluctantly I let him put one on.

The pain was enough to make me moan out in agony. The more he pressed the bandage down the more it felt like my skin was being ripped in half. Gemma just wanted to get the fuck away from this building, so we both got into Unser's cruiser. My stomach was cramping and my right shoulder blade felt like someone had bashed it with a baseball bat every time we hit a bump in the road. That must have been from where I was slung into the wall or slung onto the concrete floor. Which one, I wasn't sure. My hands shook as I placed them over my stomach. The baby… what if it's not okay? I had to stifle a sob with my hand as tears fell down my face. I'd been knocked around like a rag doll.

I needed a hospital, which is where I assumed we were heading now. I wanted Jax. Quickly I looked for my phone, but realized that was stupid because I was wearing a dress and didn't have my bag.

Gemma was sitting silent in the passenger seat, clutching her arms to herself. Random light posts we passed by lit up her swollen face in the darkness.

"How did you know where we were?" Gemma whispered, looking over at Wayne as he continued to drive.

"I heard it over the radio. Recognized the description of the car. I knew it was Rowan's mustang." He confessed, glancing at me in the rear view mirror.

"Let me guess, an anonymous tip?" Gemma snorted out.

"You got to tell me something here, Gemma, Rowan." Unser pressed lightly. He had to know what happened, but he needed to here it from us.

I opened my mouth to speak, but caught Gemma shooting me daggers in the rear view mirror.

"Where are you going?" Gemma questioned Unser as he made a left turn at a light.

"Got to get you both to the hospital." He replied. It's what any normal person would do. When you're hurt you go to the hospital and contact the police.

"No. No hospital." Gemma demanded.

"What am I supposed to do here, Gemma? You're hurt. Rowan's hurt. You need help, help that I can't give you." Unser tried his best to reason with the worlds most unreasonable woman. I know why she doesn't want to go to the hospital. She doesn't want anyone to know what happened to her tonight. But someone needs to know.

"Rowan can take care of us. She's a nurse." Gemma shot out, nodding her head.

"Gemma, we need a hospital. I can't treat you. I don't have supplies. You need to be examined. I need to know if my baby is okay! We are going to the hospital!" I demanded, looking at Unser in the mirror. He nodded his head and continued on his way to St. Thomas.

"Look, we'd have to check in. The insurance and shit.

Everyone will know." Gemma said, her voice wavering slightly.

"We have to tell someone what happened, Gemma." I persisted.

"No!" She roared, raising her voice at me, turning around in the front seat to face me. "We aren't telling anyone. Not the police. Not Clay. Not Jax. They can't know. Do you understand?" Gemma turned and focused on Unser now. "You take her to the hospital and get that baby checked out, don't worry about me."

"We are both going to the hospital!" I shrieked, losing my patience. "We'll lie and say we were in a car accident or something!"

"How are we gonna sell that?" Gemma asked.

"Well it'll be pretty believable when Unser wrecks my car." I shot out, clutching my stomach. The baby hasn't kicked since earlier this evening at the clubhouse and in the car before… there's been nothing.

"Unser's gonna what now?" Wayne said, surprise evident in his tone. "How do you want me to do that?"

"I don't care how you do it! Just do it. Please. Ram the damn thing into a tree, or another car, or a building. Just make it believable, okay?" I shot out, my anger and panic becoming uncontrollable. Right now my main priority was getting as all to the hospital and checked out and treated.

"I need to borrow your phone…" I told Wayne. I reached up between the seats and grabbed it when he held it up.

We were going to need help once we got to the hospital. Being sexually assaulted wasn't exactly an injury you got from a car accident. I dialed Cara's number and prayed she would help us once we got to the hospital. She helped me before when she gave me the medical supplies I needed to help Camron Hayes for Jax and the club a while back.

 **Jax's Point of View**

The sound of a phone ringing incessantly on one the nightstands slowly pulled me awake. "Rowan…phone." I mumbled into my pillow, praying it was hers and not mine. The phone continued to ring making me open my eyes. I sat up groggily and realized the bed was empty. My arm was outstretched across Rowan's side of the bed. She should be lying curled in my side by now. What the fuck time was it?

I glanced groggily at the clock. It was half past five in the morning. Maybe she was up with Abel. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and answered it without looking at the caller ID. "Hello?"

"Hi, is this Jackson Teller?" A young woman's voice echoed in my ear. Who the hell was this? And why were they calling me at five in the fucking morning?

"It is. Who the hell is this?" I shot back, sitting up on one elbow.

"My name is Cara, I'm friends with Rowan. I also work at St. Thomas." She said. I vaguely remembered her. She helped Rowan get medical supplies. "I'm calling to let you know that Rowan is here. She was in a car accident. It's probably best if you come down here."

"Wait… what? A car accident? Is she okay?" I asked, panic rising in my chest. I got out of bed and started pulling my clothes on as quickly as possible.

"We'll talk more when you get here." Cara said, "I can't give out any information over the phone."

I hung up, annoyed and grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head. I packed Rowan a bag with a sweater and some dress that was lying on the bedroom floor. I figured she'd need clothes. I stormed down the hallway about to run out the front door when I remembered I had the kid. I couldn't just leave him here by himself.

"Shit." I mumbled under my breath as I walked into his nursery. He was sound asleep.

Slowly and carefully, trying not to wake him, I picked him up out of his crib. I thought I'd done okay until he started crying. "Hang on, little man." I looked around his nursery for his car seat and didn't see it. My heart was pounding in my chest and my ears felt like they were being split open from his wails. "It's alright, buddy. Daddy's got you." I tried to assure him, as I propped him up on my shoulder like Rowan always does.

He loves when she holds him like that. Me, not so much.

I headed into the living room and found his car seat and settled him inside. God, I just wanted to go to Rowan. She had to be okay. My head and heart were spinning as I struggled to figure out how the hell the straps worked on this damn car seat. Part of me wanted to throw it across the room. The car seat, not my kid.

Once I got Abel secured in his seat we headed outside to the truck. But he was still crying like I'd murdered him. I got him in the back of the truck and climbed in the drivers seat and started it, peeling out of the drive way.

"It's alright, Abel. You're okay." I tried to soothe him, but it was no use. Rowan was so much better at calming him down then I was. I had no fucking clue what I was doing. "I know you want Rowan, I want her too."

She had to be okay. She had to be okay. She had to be okay. I chanted it my head, hoping if I thought it enough, it would come true. A car accident? How the fuck did she wreck her car? When the hell did this happen?

I grabbed my cell out of my pocket, dialing Lena's number. She answered on the third ring. "Dude, its five in the morning! What the hell is wrong with you!"

"I know it's early. I'm sorry. Is there any way you can meet me at St. Thomas and watch Abel. Rowan was in a car accident." I said over Abel's cries.

"Oh my god! Is she okay?" Lena asked, presumably jumping out of bed from all the shuffling I heard on her end of the line. "Is Abel okay? I can hear him crying…"

"I don't know if she's okay or not they wouldn't tell me over the phone. How the hell does Rowan get him to calm down?"

"Fall Out Boy. Turn it on. He loves it. I'll meet you there." Lena said before hanging up. I reached over and turned the radio on and sure enough Rowan's Fall Out Boy CD was already in and came through the speakers.

After a few seconds of the music playing Abel started to calm down. God she's gonna give my kid her shitty music taste. I couldn't help but smirk as my hurt sunk to my stomach. If something happened to her it would probably kill me. She's become my entire world outside of the club. She means everything to me and obviously to my kid too. He fucking adores her.

- **SOA** -

Lena met me in the emergency room waiting area. I called Deacon on the way here and he was on his way now. After handing Abel off to Lena I headed to the front desk to find out what the fuck was going on. An older woman with glasses and short grey hair was working at the desk. "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, my girlfriend was in a car accident earlier this morning and I'm trying to find out what happened. Where is she? Can I see her?" I answered quickly, tapping my knuckles on the countertop nervously.

"Name?" The woman asked, looking up at me over her glasses.

"Rowan Collins." I replied, about ready to just go busting through every single door in this place to find her.

The nurse tapped away at the keys on her keyboard and then studied the screen. "She's in room 212. Just down the hall to the left. It looks like they just brought her back up from CT."

CT. That meant she hit her head.

"Jax!" A woman called out to me from down the hallway. She was walking towards me as I walked towards her. "I'm Cara. I called you."

"How is she?" I asked, searching her eyes.

"She's okay. I'll take you to her." Cara said, ushering me along. She had short straight blonde hair and a Texas accent when she talked. "She has a lot of bruising and swelling, especially in her face. It looks like some glass really slashed her jawline open so we patched her up, so be prepared to see her face stitched up. It's not pretty. She does have a concussion as well, so we'll keep her here for a while to monitor her. Her MRI showed a lot of inflammation in her left shoulder. There were no fractures or breaks, so hopefully it's just inflamed and that will go down…"

"The baby?" I shot out, as we paused in front of a door. My mind was trying to process all of her injuries at once.

Cara placed a hand on my shoulder, probably something they taught her at med school to do when she has to give people bad news. "Someone from OB is on their way up now to do an ultrasound. She didn't have any noticeable injuries to her abdomen which is good, so right now just hope for the best. Okay?" She gave me a weak smile.

I nodded and watched Cara open the door and followed her inside. My eyes landed on Rowan lying on a hospital bed. As I got closer I could see the stitches lining her jawline. "Jax!" She said my name when she saw me and I made my way to her side. Her lip was split and busted open. She had bruises along her neck, probably from her seatbelt.

"Baby, what happened?" I whispered as I sat down next to her.

I could tell she was trying not to cry, but ended up doing it anyway. She sat up and wrapped her arms around my neck. I slipped my arms around her, careful not to hurt her. I cradled the back of her head gently as she sobbed into my shoulder and neck. "It's alright. You're okay. I'm right here. You're okay." I assured her, before pulling back to get a better look at her face.

She was really shaken up. Her eyes only met mine for a few brief seconds. I touched the injured side of her face, just letting my fingers graze over the stitches. Rowan turned her face away gently not wanting me to touch her quite yet.

"I'm gonna give you guys a few minutes and go check on Gemma. OB should be up soon." Cara alerted us both.

"Wait, Gemma's here too?" I questioned, looking at Cara and then Rowan.

"She was with me during the accident." Rowan explained.

"Is she alright?" I asked Cara.

"She's okay. She took a good shot to the side of the face. Other then that she's just got some bruising and swelling." Cara explained and then quickly disappeared out the door leaving me alone with Rowan.

Tears fell silently down Rowan's face and I couldn't help but reach up and brush them away with my thumb. She was holding her stomach and I knew she was thinking the same thing as me. Did she lose the baby? I brushed her hair behind her ear and held the good side of her face. "You know I know you wanted a new car, but you didn't need to crash this one. I would have still gotten you a new one." I tried to make a light hearted joke.

She didn't grin or smile or smirk. She had to be in so much pain. There wasn't a bandage covering her stitches so I could see how many she had. Twenty two. I counted them. "What happened?"

"I was taking Gemma home. There was a deer in the road. I swerved to miss it and lost control of the car. We hit a tree. I think we both blacked out from the impact. Unser found us." She explained slowly. She kept holding her head like it hurt and staring at her stomach.

I placed my hand on her stomach. Her tear filled eyes met mine. "I haven't felt it move since the accident. Nothing." Her bottom lip quivered and my heart broke in half. I was so relieved that she was okay, but worried that our kid wasn't.

I moved so I was sitting next to her and wrapped my arm around her shoulder, letting her lean into my chest. "We don't know anything yet. Okay? Everything could be fine. I'm sure it is."

She clutched my shirt and sobbed into my chest. All I could do was hold her tightly. As she was leaning into me I could see her bare back sticking out of her gown. It was already black and blue. I put my hand on it and felt her tense at my touch. My poor girl was fucking broken and shattered and all I could fucking do was hold her. I wanted to take her pain away. I wished it was me, instead of her.

There was a knock at the door. Tara popped her head in. She's the last person I expected to see. "I'm here to do an ultrasound." She said, hesitantly.

"Yeah, come in." I said, getting up and letting Rowan lay back on the bed.

I kept my arm up around her head and locked my fingers through hers on her shoulder and kissed her cheek. "It's gonna be okay."

She swallowed the lump in her throats and squeezed my hand as tight as possible.

"Let's take a look at your baby." Tara said, giving us a very forced professional voice. She pulled back Rowan's gown and squirted something over her small belly. I could tell Rowan was extremely uncomfortable. Of all the people they could have sent it had to be my fucking ex girlfriend. I mean really.

We both watched as Tara started the ultrasound. Tara watched the monitor like a hawk as she moved it all across Rowan's stomach. I kissed Rowan's cheek and forehead. "It's okay." I smiled at her. She turned her face towards mine and our noses touched. She squeezed her eyes closed as I cradled her injured cheek with my free hand. "Just breathe, baby. Everything is okay. I'm not going anywhere. I love you."

I was so focused on Rowan and keeping her calm and reassured that it took me a second to realize Tara was watching us. I glared at her wondering why she wasn't telling us anything yet. She must have understood because quickly looked back at the monitor. "Would you like to hear your baby's heartbeat?"

"It's okay?" Rowan choked out. She brought a hand up to cover her mouth as Tara turned the monitor towards us.

"Everything looks good…" Tara replied. A small steady thumping noise echoed out of the monitor. It was rhythmic and strong.

I looked at the black and white image on the screen and saw my kid and heard his heartbeat beating. It looked like it was the size of an olive.

Rowan cried and let out a sigh of relief. "Thank god."

"Would you like to know what your having?" Tara asked, keeping her eyes on the monitor as I kissed Rowan's forehead again. I breathed a sigh of relief myself this time.

My girl and my kid were okay.

I looked at Rowan and smiled. "Do you wanna know?"

"I wanna know." A tiny smile formed on her lips. She continued to hold onto my shirt, almost like she was afraid I was gonna blow away or something.

Tara moved the ultrasound around for a few minutes trying to get a good look at the baby. "Well, it looks like Abel is going to have a little sister to look after."

"It's a girl!" Rowan brightened slightly. She quickly looked at me to gauge my reaction. She wanted to see if I was happy or disappointed. I was so damn sure it was a boy.

A girl.

A daughter.

Holy shit.

"It's a girl." I smiled, leaning down without thinking and pressing my lips against hers. She tensed slightly but kissed me back ten fold. "I hope she's just like you." I whispered, letting her know that I couldn't be happier.

"I'll give you guys a minute." Tara said, excusing herself.

"Tara, thank you." Rowan said, causing Tara to stop and turn to look at her. "Thank you."

"Of course." Tara mumbled, before walking out of the room.

"I'm so glad you're okay. You scared the shit out of me." I told her honestly.

"Where's Abel?" She questioned, as we both wiped away some tears sliding down her cheeks.

"He's in the waiting room with Lena. Deacons on his way. I should go call Clay. Make sure he knows about Gemma. Do you need me to get you anything?" I placed my hand over her belly and gave it a light squeeze. I was having a daughter…

"Some clothes would be good." Rowan said.

I went and picked up the bag I'd brought with me and sat it on the end of the bed. "I figured you'd need something, so I just grabbed whatever I could find quickly. I was in kind of a panic to get out the door. There's a sweater and a dress." I pulled them out and laid them on the bed.

She grabbed my hand, making me look at her. Even with twenty two stitches she was still fucking beautiful. She uncovered herself and swung her legs out over the edge of the bed. I stepped in front of her and placed her hand on my heart. "No more car accidents, okay? I can lose a lot of things, but not you."

"I love you." She whispered, looking up at me. She rested her head against my chest. I leaned down and kissed the crown of her head. "My daughter is gonna be hooked on Metallica, not Fall Out Boy like Abel."

She looked up at me with tears in her eyes and for the first time tonight she actually smiled. "I'm gonna go call Clay. Then check on my mom. I'll be back."

I left Rowan and walked out of the room, running directly into Tara. She was leaning against the wall outside of Rowan's room. "What's up?" I asked, taking note of the unpleasant look on her face. She always had that look on her face when we were dating.

"I really thought this thing with her was a fling. A fleeting moment. But seeing you with her in there, I know I was wrong. You never looked at me like that, Jax, not once. You never held me like you held her in there. Why? What makes her so special!?" Tara asked, holding back tears of her own.

I shook my head. Jesus Christ. It was too early in the morning for this shit. "I'm doing this with you Tara." I started to walk down the hall to go outside to call Clay. Tara followed after me. "I wanna know!"

After everything that just happened, my nerves were shot. I didn't wanna stand here and rehash something that happened years ago. I was so over it. I never intended to yell, but that's just how it came out. "Because she sees me for who I am. You never did. You wanted me to change into someone I would never be. Outlaw is all I know, Tara. Rowan somehow sees good in all of my bad, where you only saw bad. The club is her family, just like its mine. She understands. You never even tried too. I'm sorry that you feel hurt or guilty for walking away. I'm glad you did though, because it got me her." I pointed towards Rowan's room.

That knocked her back on her heels. "You should know that I'm leaving Charming. My dads house sold. I'm heading back to Chicago in a week."

"You take care then, doc." I said, meaning it.

I turned and continued down the hall away from her.

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Jax walked out of the room, leaving me alone. I placed a hand over my mouth to stifle the sob I was holding back. Everything in me wanted to tell him what actually happened. But I couldn't. Gemma made me swear on this baby's life that I wouldn't say anything. We came up with the story of the deer in the road and that's what we were going to tell everyone. Jax was believing it…

Relief filled me as soon as I heard my little girls heartbeat. I was so worried something was wrong. I didn't care about me, I just cared about the baby. I just felt it in my bones something was wrong. But her heartbeat was steady and strong. A little girl. I was having a daughter. I clutched my stomach and smiled as tears poured down my face.

I forced myself to get up and get dressed. I needed to see Gemma. Wrapping my sweater tightly closed around me I headed out of my room and down the hallway towards the room Cara told me she took Gemma. She wasn't happy about lying to everyone, but she did everything she could to help us keep this under wraps.

I knocked on Gemma's door, before opening it slightly and peeking my head in. Cara waved me in. It looked like she had just got down giving Gemma a pelvic examine. Gemma sat on the end of the examine table wrapped in a blanket. "Jax is here." I told her, walking towards her.

"Great." She sighed, rolling her eyes.

"I had to call him, Gemma." I stood next to her.

Cara removed her gloves and tossed them in the trash can by the door. "How is she?" I asked her.

"There's a number of small tears. It's nothing that won't heal on its own." She assured Gemma. "We'll start you on antibiotics right away. It's standard procedure to treat for chlamydia and gonorrhea, even before the test results are back."

She placed a butterfly bandage over the cut across Gemma's cheekbone. "You should have a plastic surgeon look at this."

"I've been hit before." Gemma shot out.

Cara looked at me, wondering what the hell had happened to us. "You know I'm not gonna ask now, because I'm not stupid. But at some point you are gonna owe me an explanation."

I nodded because it was really all I could do.

"I'll be right back with those antibiotics." Cara said before slipping out of the room.

Gemma was staring at her feet. I placed my hand on her shoulder gently. She jumped slightly at the touch. "Gemma we have to tell someone." I tried reasoning with her again. She whipped her head up and looked at me fiercely.

"This wasn't about me or you." Gemma started.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"What those animals did was to hurt Clay, Deacon, Jax. Anyone finds out what happened to us, they win. I'm not letting them win. If the men found out what happened it would destroy them. Jax would blame himself and Clay and Deacon would go on a rampage, not that I wouldn't love that. It would be bad for the club." Gemma was right in a way. Jax blamed himself for what happened with Kohn. That wasn't his fault and neither was this. I'd like for Clay and Deacon to find those assholes and put a bullet in their head. "If you love Jax as much as I think you do, you'll keep this secret."

"Gemma, I can't lie to him. He knows me too well. He'll pick up on it." I protested. This was wrong. So wrong. The men that did this wanted Clay and Jax to stop selling guns, so what's gonna happen when they don't stop selling guns? "I can't keep something like this from him."

"You can and you will." Gemma glared at me. She reached out and touched my stomach. "How's my grand baby?"

"She's just fine." I whispered.

It took Gemma a minute to realize what I'd said, but when she did she smiled. "A girl? Wow… a little SAMCRO princess." I placed my hand over hers on my stomach and watched her stare at my belly. It was like she was thanking god that my little girl was okay. "I can just see Jax playing with tiaras and tutu's now."

That made me laugh causing the tears in my eyes to spill over. "Gemma, I am so sorry…" I croaked out. "I wish there was something I could have done. You protected me…"

"Stop that. Right now." Gemma stated. Despite all of my better judgement I hugged her. I'm sure it's the last thing she wanted, someone else touching her, but I had too. She didn't push me away, instead she hugged me back. "You're family, sweetheart. Protecting each other is what we do. Which is why I need you to protect me now." Gemma whispered in my ear. I pulled back and looked at her as someone knocked on the door.

Wayne peeked his head in. "Clay and the others are here."

"I'm not ready to see him yet." Gemma said.

"I'll handle it." I told her, squeezing her hand before turning and heading towards the waiting room. I didn't know how long I could keep this secret, but for right now I had too. For Gemma.

 **A/N: Super long chapter! Haha! I kinda got carried away with this one! I hope you like learning Rowan and Jax are having a girl?! I was going to make it be a boy, but I have a reason for it being a girl that will come into play much later in the story.**

 **I know a lot of you guys wanted Rowan to tell Jax, but I feel like she has to keep this secret for just a little bit. For storyline purposes, ya know? Plus I feel like Rowan feels like she owes Gemma this, because it could have been her that was raped. Gemma pulled the focus onto her to rescue Rowan.**

 **Also I mean this secret is basically the whole second season and its what leads up to Abel being taken and I really wanna go that route because I have some awesome Rowan scenes planned for that season!**

 **Questions:**

 **How do you think Rowan is going to react to the porn business? Will she be supportive and acknowledge that it's a legit business or be completely against it!?**

 **Would you guys be open to a Lena POV? I'm not sure if I'll do it, but I've been thinking about it. Also, should Lena work for Luanne? Lol. Not like as an actress, but maybe as a directing assistant or should I keep her working at the diner. I feel like Opie needs a girl that's not in the porn business because he hated Lyla working there.**

 **Thanks for the reviews! You rock! Xoxo!**


	93. Chapter 93: Everyone's Fine

**Chapter 93**

 **Jax's Point of View**

When I made it to the waiting room Clay and Tig were walking in followed by Deacon. Chibs, Juice and the prospect were pushing Bobby in on a gurney. He looked like he really enjoyed his welcome home party, maybe a little too much. Poor bastard was greener than grass and looked like he was ready to blow chunks all over the waiting room floor. Which is probably why Opie was keeping his distance from him.

Deacon looked like he was still trashed from the night before as well. "Where is she?" Clay and Deacon both said at the same time. Jesus.

I turned to Deacon first. "Rowan's fine. She's a little banged up, but she's gonna be okay." I patted his shoulder, then turned my attention to Clay. How the hell he knew Gemma was already here was beyond me. I hadn't even had the chance to call him yet. "I haven't seen her yet, but Gemma's fine. How'd you know she was here?"

"Unser tracked us down, apparently he found Rowan and Gemma and brought them in. He said Rowan totaled her Mustang out by water and power." Clay enlightened me. He sat down in a plastic chair and crossed his feet at the ankles. "It needs a tow."

Lena was walking around bouncing Abel around trying to keep him calm.

"Prospect, go take care of the car." Deacon barked out, eyeing Half-Sac messing around with the railings on Bobby's gurney. I rolled my eyes. Dumbass.

"Yes, sir!" He saluted Deacon and headed back outside.

Clay asked Lena to hand Abel over and she did. I leaned against the wall and watched my stepdad make funny faces at my kid. It felt weird to stand here and watch him act like this with my kid knowing what he did to Donna. Part of me wanted to rip Abel out of his arms.

I noticed Rowan coming around the corner into the waiting room and went to meet her half way. She looked surprised to see the entire gang sitting in the waiting room. "What the hell are you doing out of bed?" I questioned, slipping my hands onto her hips without thinking.

"I'm fine, really. I wanted to wait for Clay to give him an update on Gemma, but I see he's already here." She gently pulled out of my grasp and walked around me. She froze when she saw Deacon momentarily.

"There's my girl!" Deacon said. He walked over and enveloped her in a tight hug, cradling the back of her head. He kissed the top of her hair and pulled back holding her at arms length, looking her injuries over frantically. "Oh, kid. Your poor face. You alright? How's the baby? What the hell happened?" He bombarded her with questions. She looked pale and slightly overwhelmed.

She stepped back, laughing nervously. "I'm okay. There was a deer and a tree and it's all very blurry. But I'm fine. I'll heal. Your granddaughter is okay too."

"Granddaughter?" Deacon grinned slowly, almost in disbelief. Rowan nodded and glanced over at me. I slipped my hand in hers and squeezed it tightly. Chibbs and Juice and Tig slapped me on the back in congratulations and hooped and hollered.

Lena rushed over and gave Rowan a hug almost knocking her off balance. If I weren't holding her hand the both of them would have fell to the floor. "I'm so glad you're okay." Rowan smiled at her, well as much as she could with twenty two stitches in her face.

"How's Gemma?" Clay asked, interrupting all the celebrations. He was still holding Abel. He got up and stood in front of Rowan.

Rowan opened her mouth to answer, but closed it immediately, then shook her head, like she was trying to get the thoughts right in her head. She was acting a little off, but I just assumed the accident still had her rattled.

"Gemma's fine. She took a good shot to the face, but other then that she has some bruising and swelling. My friend Cara who works here is taking really great care of her. I promise you. I asked for her specifically." She gave him a small smile and touched his shoulder.

Clay nodded, relieved. "I appreciate you putting your best on her. I'm glad to see you're alright as well." He leaned down and kissed her good cheek, giving me a look as he did so. Rowan seemed surprised as he pulled away. She gave me a sideways glance.

That wasn't concern Clay was showing. It was power. He was letting me know that he was essentially the alpha of this situation. It pissed me off to know end.

"When can I see her?" Clay asked. Abel squirmed in his arms, turning his little head, getting sight of Rowan. His chubby little hand extended out towards her.

"It's gonna be a little while. Cara said they are still running some standard tests." Rowan said. Abel reached for Rowan and I watched her gradually take him out of Clay's arms.

"Hey, bug." She whispered, kissing his head. She sat down in a chair and hugged my son like he was the most important thing to her in this moment, like for a moment she thought she might not get to see him again.

Clay pulled me off to the side beside Rowan's chair and glared at me. "Something wrong?" I asked, already kinda assuming what he was going to bitch about.

"They found that Mayan we visited. He was throwing up nine fingers. Brown's a little pissed at black." He informed me, quietly being sure to keep his voice down.

"I made a decision for the good of the club." I told him point blank.

"You settle that shit on your own?" Clay clenched his jaw shut and stared me down, trying to intimidate me. It wasn't gonna work.

"Spur of the moment, seemed like the right thing. I'm sure you can understand." I spat back, before turning around and sitting down next to Rowan. I glared up at Clay, but he kept his mouth shut.

Unser walked into the waiting room, holding up his phone. "I just found out, Feds raided Luann's studio. Asset seizure. Wiped her out."

"Me and Ope will go deal with Otto." I suggested. I really didn't feel like going to deal with Luanne today at the porn studio. I wasn't in the mood to be draped all over as soon as I walked through the door.

"Ope goes with Tig." Clay ordered, glancing at me and the across the way at Opie. "Take Bobby. He could use the fresh air."

I glanced at drunkerella lying passed out on the gurney and rolled my eyes. "I'll handle it myself."

Clay walked off towards the vending machines with Tig and Deacon.

I played with the back of Rowan's hair, letting it slide in between my fingers. "I gotta go visit Otto up in Stockton. Why don't you let me take you home? You need to rest."

Rowan rubbed Abel's back gently, soothingly. "Actually I'd like to wait for your mom if that's okay?" She looked at me for approval. I nodded my head.

"Okay, it won't take me long in Stockton. I'll come back here and take you home when I'm finished. You should just sit here and rest. Cara said you had a mild concussion."

I leaned over and kissed Abel on the cheek and then turned towards Rowan. She placed her hand on my cheek, letting her fingers run over the stubble on my face. She pressed her forehead gently against mine and let out a small sigh. I was worried about her and honestly didn't want to leave her side. "Go. Do what you need to do. I'm okay. I promise."

"Alright." I whispered. My lips found hers, but only stayed there briefly. I glared at Clay as I got up and then headed outside to my bike.

 **A/N: Small filler chapter here! We got a lot of snow last night and it's been messing with my Internet and power! Just wanted to post what I have before we lose power! I'm gonna try and update again soon!**

 **Your reviews are better then pizza! (I love pizza a lot, so that's saying something right there!) :)**


	94. Chapter 94: Aftershocks

**Chapter 94**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Jax left to go see Otto, leaving me in the waiting room with half the club. Gemma was going to shit if she had to face all these people right now. Bobby was passed out snoring on a gurney. Juice and Chibbs were drawing on his face with what looked like permanent marker. Clay and Deacon were getting coffee out of the vending machine. Opie and Lena were sitting next to me talking. I couldn't really tell you what about. Everything moving around me seemed fuzzy, unreal almost. I clutched Abel closer to my chest, pressing my nose into his fuzzy hair, inhaling his smell. He still smelled like a brand new baby.

My chest felt tight and I still felt a little light headed, my palms were sweating against Abel's back. I swallowed the golf ball sized lump in my throat, trying to hold off the panic attack that was brewing. .

"Would you mind holding him while I use the bathroom?" I asked Lena, turning towards her and Opie in my chair.

Lena smiled brightly and took Abel from me. "Sure, any reason to cuddle this little guy."

I got up and headed towards the bathroom and locked myself in a stall. My back was pressed against the door, spiking pain in my shoulder. The coolness from the metal door seeped through my dress and sweater. I ran my hands through my hair, feeling my throat tightening. Just breathe. You can't fall apart. Not here. Not now. Not yet. Just breathe. Everything that happened was swirling and churning inside of me, fighting to get out.

I pivoted in circles in the tiny stall, feeling slightly claustrophobic. My vision tunneled in and out. Tears burned my eyes, but I fought them back. I can't fall apart now. If I fall apart here, I'll never keep this secret. Should I keep this secret? What happened didn't just happen to me, it happened to Gemma too, she got the worst of it…

I placed my palms on the door, and lowered my head taking slow deep breaths. Images of those men and Gemma flooded my head. I had no choice but to watch what they did to her. Before I knew it my palms were slamming into the metal door repeatedly. I hit the door until my hand stung, and then I kicked it, over and over. The anger coursing through me had to come out some how.

When my shoulder hurt enough to make me stop I leaned against the side of the stall out of breath. I wiped the tears off my face and took a final deep breath before opening the door. I caught sight of myself in the mirror and froze. My face was swollen and looked like something out of a horror movie. I winced looking at myself. Was this even me? My fingers found the edges of the stitches and passed over each prickly one. Twenty two.

Lena's phone in my pocket buzzed, making me jump. I'd borrowed it to keep in touch with Jax until I found mine. I yanked it out of my sweater pocket and answered it. "Hello?"

"Hey, babe. I just finished up with Otto. I just wanted to check in, how are you?" Jax's voice filled my ear.

I turned away from the mirror and headed towards the door to head back out into the waiting room. "I'm okay. Just waiting for Gemma. Actually, I should go see what's going on with her. I'll call you back." I said, rushed and flustered, I hung up before Jax could say anything else. Hearing his voice just made me want to tell him and in my current mindset I just might.

"Any word on Gemma?" Clay asked, leaning against the vending machine.

"I'm gonna go check on her, see what's taking so long." I gave him a half hearted smile.

"I'll go with you." Clay said, pushing off the vending machine and moving to stand beside me. Shit. The last thing Gemma wants is to see him. I couldn't hold him back forever.

"Okay…" I mumbled.

Clay and I headed off towards Gemma's room. I walked slowly, trying to buy her a few more minutes alone. Clay sipped his coffee and walked silently beside me. He was like a tower next to me. I realized this was the most time I've spent with Clay since I've met him.

"I meant what I said earlier, I am glad you're alright." Clay finally spoke.

"Thank you." I nodded. "Me too." Good god if only he knew.

"I know you and I've had a rocky start with you showing up at the warehouse that night and everything." Clay continued on. Oh yeah, when he pulled his gun on me. That was an awesome moment. "I just wanna let you know that I'm sorry for all that. I'm all about fresh starts. You're a ballsy kid, but I shouldn't have expected anything less from Deacons kid. I see how good you've been for Jax and hell even for Deacon." Clay chuckled, it sounded foreign coming from him. The man doesn't exactly radiate positive energy.

Although he seemed sincere, I wasn't buying this whole new beginning bullshit. "I appreciate all of that. Thank you. The club is quickly becoming my home."

"We're all family here, sweetheart." Clay slipped his arm around my shoulders and sort of side hugged me as we walked. I wanted to rip his arm off. Family doesn't kill off their own members.

We stopped in front of Gemma's room. I knocked lightly and peeked my head in. I wasn't expecting to see Gemma sitting in a chair next to the door. Clay had done the same thing Jax had and brought her a change a clothes. "We wanted to check on you." I smiled, I mouthed Clay as I pushed the door open.

Gemma looked less than pleased with me, but I watched her entire demeanor change as Clay walked in the room. "Baby. I'm so sorry." He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek without thinking. Gemma winced and pulled away. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, no, it's okay. I'm just I'm just kind of jumpy." Gemma lied, reaching down to pull on her other boot. I fought the urge to just reach down and do it for her just to help her.

"Now, you got to lay off them midnight joyrides." Clay chuckled. That sound. It sent shivers down my spine. He knelt down so he was eye level with his wife. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." Gemma waved him off noticing him taking in the bruise on her cheek below her eye and the bandage covering the gash as well.

"It's kind of hot." He reached out and squeezed her hand. I could see that the gesture made Gemma cringe, but she hid it from Clay well.

"Thanks. That's what I was going for." She replied dryly.

"Are you ready to go home?" Clay arched an eyebrow at her. Gemma opened her mouth to answer, but I guess she realized she didn't want to go home with Clay just yet and she froze.

"Did they finish getting all of your x-rays?" I jumped in, staring at Gemma.

"No. They didn't. That's what I'm waiting on now. Stupid damn hospital. Understaffed." Gemma grumbled in her true fashion. She was selling this.

"You know this is probably going to be a little while longer. Jax was supposed to give me a ride home, but I'll just get Lena to take us home if you have other things to handle today." I offered, stepping forward.

"I can wait." Clay said, ignoring my offer. For fuck sake would he just go away. I wanted him to leave for Gemma's sake. I was sorta glad Jax had to leave. I wanted to see him, but seeing him just seemed to make it all hurt worse.

"She's right, honey. You should go." Gemma reached out and touched the side of Clay's face gently. "I'm fine, really. There's no sense in you all waiting here."

Clay considered it and nodded his head. "Alright. I love you." He kissed her hand and then got to his feet.

"I love you too." Gemma said giving him her best smile. The entire exchange made me want to burst into tears.

"Would you tell Deacon that he doesn't have to wait around either." I asked Clay before he walked out. He nodded his head and closed the door on his way out.

"I thought I told you I didn't wanna see anyone." Gemma grumbled, still struggling to put on her boot. I finally just bent down and put it on for her. She glared at me when I looked up at her. "You know asking for help isn't a weakness."

I stood up and took a few steps back. "I couldn't hold him off. When they clear out we'll get you home. Or you can come to Jax's for a while if you don't wanna be alone."

"I'll be fine." Gemma insisted. I wasn't so sure. She might be able to convince Clay and the others, but I know the truth. I know what's going on.

"Gemma, you need to talk to someone about this. I understand you don't want Clay to know, but a therapist or someone—"

"I'm not going to be head shrinked!" Gemma snapped at me. "And as far as talking about it, that's what I have you for, darling."


	95. Chapter 95: Uneasy

**Chapter 95**

 **Jax's Point of View**

After talking with Otto up in Stockton I called the guys and told them what was going on. The FEDs shut down Luanne's porn studio, no doubt as a way to stick it to us. Otto was pissed because he doesn't want his wife behind the camera again. She needs money to get up and running again, money we don't have as a club. I promised Otto I'd do what I could to keep Luanne's business afloat and her behind the camera instead of in front of it and under someone else. He also told me some asshole is trying to poach all her talent.

It was my job to keep things in order. I couldn't give Luanne money, but I could secure her talent for her.

As Bobby, Chibs, the prospect and Juice and I walked into Luanne's studio the Feds were walking out carrying all of her filming equipment. Thousands of dollars worth of shit. Her studio was trashed to hell where they'd raided it too.

Luanne was dismissing Karlie, Lyla and Ima, three of her girls when we finally found her in the back.

"Hey, Jax." Ima gave me a sultry smile, running her hand down my chest as she started to walk past me. I couldn't help but look at her breasts in the catholic school girl Outfit she had on. I wondered if Rowan would ever wear anything like that for me... Ima paused by my ear and whispered, "Call me if you ever get tired of playing house with Rowan."

"Pathetic, much?" Karlie mumbled under her breath. Ima shot daggers at her. Karlie rolled her eyes and continued on her way out.

"That's not gonna happen." I smirked at Ima, continuing past her. The girl was hot, but annoying as fuck.

"Otto wasn't kidding." I said when I approached Luanne. She looked like shit. I didn't blame her. Her livelihood was being threatened right now. She had every right to be upset.

She ran a hand through her curly hair and sighed.

"That's some lovely merchandise walking out that door." Chibbs said, admiring Karlie, Lyla and Ima's ass as they walked out the door.

"And they'll keep walking if I don't come up with the rest of their money." Luanne pointed out. Luanne has been with Otto since before I can even remember and friends with Gemma even longer than that.

"Otto said some guy's giving you trouble?" I said, trying to see what I could do to ease the pressure on her.

"Georgie Caruso." Luanne hissed. "Shitbag's threatening my girls, they don't join his company." A porn producer named Georgie. How original.

"His name is Georgie?" Juice chuckled at the ridiculous name.

"Can't you just talk to him, make some kind of temporary arrangement?" I asked. My eyes caught by sight of a box of sex toys behind Luanne and I had to look away. I didn't even know what half that shit was used for.

"Isn't how it works with this. Georgie's game is fear.

Goddam roid crew runs his girls like pimp's running pussy. If I could just get the money I loaned SAMCRO…" Luanne let her voice fade out, when I shot her a look.

"That's not going to happen today. I said to Otto I'd back this guy off of you, and that's what I'm gonna do. Where's this guy's office?" I asked, making good on my promise to Otto.

Luanne told us Georgie runs his operation out of some warehouse studio just inside of Lodi. Bells chimed as we walked through the glass door of Caruso Films. We walked into a small waiting area that looked like it led towards offices in the back.

"I love that movie. I laughed, I cried, I came." Juice pointed to one of the porn movie posters framed hanging on the wall. There were stacks of the DVD nestled on a table under it.

I picked up one of the DVD's and laughed at the name. Cumdog Millionare. "Holy shit, it must have been good." I sat the DVD back down, I didn't need this shit to get off on. Rowan was more than enough to satisfy me.

I followed Chibbs and Bobby down a small hallway.

"It won an anal Oscar." Juice informed us all. How he knew that was beyond me. The dude was a walking encyclopedia of weirdness. We all laughed though, I mean it won an anal Oscar, how could you not laugh.

"Here we go." I mumbled as three guys walked in our direction. They were big and bulky and clearly the hired security. The only thing they were probably good at was jerking off.

"You need something?" The guy asked me, crossing his hands in front of him, trying to act all professional and shit.

"We're here to see Georgie." I stated.

"You got an appointment?" He asked, glaring at me. I wanted a fucking reason to knock him on his ass. I shook my head and smirked. "Then you don't see him."

The door beside us swung open unexpectedly. A guy wearing dorky ass glasses and an orange suit walked out. He looked like something out of the 70's.

He gave me and the guys the once over. "Auditions are out back."

This little prick had to be the guy running things. "Let me guess Georgie Caruso." Juice snickered behind me at his name again.

"They were just leaving, Mr. Caruso." The bodyguard wannabe said.

He stepped towards me in an attempt to intimidate us to leave. I kept my feet planted on the hardwood. I had no intention of leaving until this matter was handled.

"That's too bad, 'cause this one here's got kind of a Brad Pitt thing going. Only not quite as gay." Caruso said, grinning at me.

Sensing it was time to introduce ourselves, I turned my attention on Caruso. "I'm a friend of Luann Delaney." He seemed slightly surprised, taking in our cuts.

"Is that so? I'm real sorry about what happened. Heard the Feds cleaned her out completely." He smirked. Not sorry at all, obviously. This asshole with his spray tan and gold chains dangling from his neck was begging to have his head smashed into a wall, and after the morning I've had, I'd love to do it.

"You're terrorizing her actors. That stops now." I ordered, staring him down.

"I'm helping those girls. Luann is out of business." He said, shaking his head.

"Luann's not out of business." I said, clenching my jaw shut afterward. I didn't want things to get violent if they didn't have to. This little shit just needed to be put in his place. All he is is some nerd who jerked off in his moms basement and decided to make a career out of it. I don't see him being a problem in the foreseeable future. "Don't make me come back here. Because I can promise you, if I have to come back here again, it won't be this pleasant." I gripped his orange suit jacket tighter than need be and straightened it out, then patted him on the shoulder.

"Bye, Georgie." Juice cracked up behind me.

I turned on my heel and headed for the door, Chibs, the prospect and Juice we're behind me. I was almost down the hallway when I heard the bodyguard. "You got a problem?"

I turned around and saw Bobby puke all over his shirt. We all erupted in a fit of laughter. "Not now, man. I feel pretty good. Thanks. I told you I was sick." Bobby said, wiping puke off his chin and beard.

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Lena had agreed to take me and Gemma back to my house with Abel. I was exhausted and just wanted this whole day to be over already. My nerves were shot and I felt sick to my stomach on top of all of my other pain. I'd taken a Diladid for the pain. Cara assured me it was the safest pain killer I could take while pregnant. It was making me feel warm and flushed.

Abel's carrier felt like it weighed more than me dangling from my hand as Gemma and I walked down the halls of St. Thomas. Lena was pulling the car around. Thankfully, she had a car seat holder in her car or we'd be screwed because Jax has the truck.

Gemma and I rounded a corner and I felt her grab my arm. "Shit."

"What?" I asked, looking at her confused. I glanced in the direction she was staring and saw Luanne and Karlie from club. Karlie was holding a bloody rag tight against her nose.

"She's gonna have a million questions." Gemma fretted. I glanced back over my shoulder and saw the sign pointing towards the doors to the chapel.

"Take Abel and wait in the chapel. I'll see what's going on. Maybe I can move her along." I said. Gemma nodded and looped her arm through Abel's carrier and disappeared into the chapel room.

After taking a few deep breaths I walked around the corner. I was putting on a brave face for Gemma's sake. But my façade was slowly starting to crumble. I just hoped it collapses at home when I'm alone.

"It's gonna be okay. Just tip your head back a little bit." Luanne instructed Karlie.

"Actually you wanna keep your head even." I said, walking up on them. "Titling it back lets the blood drip into your stomach and then you'll be puking." I adjusted Karlie's head for her so she was in a comfortable position. "What happened?"

"Ask your boyfriend. This is all his fault!" Luanne shrieked. Jax wouldn't have done this. What the hell is she talking about.

"I don't think it's broken." I told Karlie after removing the rag slightly to get a better look. Her nose was bruised and swollen. Clearly she'd taken a solid shot to the face.

"Oh wonderful!" Luanne cheered sarcastically. "I told you not to stir things up. Look what that asshole did to her!"

I looked up to see a very concerned and semi pissed off Jax and Chibbs walking down the hall towards us.

"This was Caruso?" Jax questioned, in disbelief. He took a peek at Karlie's nose and squeezed my hand gently as he sidled up beside me.

"Who is Caruso?" I asked, wondering what the hell Jax has been doing all day. Jax ignored me and turned to Luanne.

"Who do you think? Little prick. You guys must have really put the fear of god into him!" She yelled, bordering on hysterical. "Tell them what Georgie said." She looked at Karlie.

Karlie sighed and removed the rag from her nose. "He told me to tell Luanne that if the little biker boys show up again, he's going to roll the cameras while he jams his dick up all your asses."

Jax's jaw clenched and unclenched several times. I watched him chew the inside of his jaw. All tell tale signs that he's angry. He shook his head and shared a knowing glance with Chibbs before turning towards me. "Can you get Lena to take you home?" He asked, a little impatient, nostrils flaring.

"She already is." I nodded. Jax leaned in and kissed my forehead quickly.

"Tell my mom I'll see her later." He said before turning on his heel to head back down the hallway with Chibbs.

"Jax, don't you do anything!" Luanne yelled. More like she demanded.

Jax whipped around so fast and came back at her that it actually momentarily frightened me. "Who the hell do you think you're talking to?!" He snarled at her. His voice boomed down the hallway making it sound that much more fierce. I flinched at the sound and took a few steps back. "Get her patched up! Call the rest of your talent, tell them to lock their goddamn doors!" He continued to yell. The anger radiating off of him was tremendous.

"Sorry." Luanne whispered, holding her hand s up in surrender.

Jax met my gaze and I think he could tell that I was shocked that he raised his voice. I've seen him mad and upset before, but I've never seen him talk to a woman that way, well, in that tone. Everything that's happened in the last 24 hours has made me jumpy and uneasy. I guess my trust isn't exactly intact at the moment.

"Should we call Clay?" Chibbs asked, breaking Jax's gaze on me.

"He's on the guns. Call the others. It's baseball time." He said. I watched him and Chibbs walk away without another word.

Luanne was pacing the floors in front of Karlie's chair.

"What the hell is going on?" I snapped at her.

"This guy Georgie Caruso is threatening my talent since the Feds raided my studio this morning. Jax and the guys were supposed to make him back off and protect my girls from that son of bitch. Lot of good that did." Luanne whined, sitting down beside Karlie in a chair.

"It's really not that bad." Karlie offered, giving me a weak smile.

"If Jax said he'll handle it. He will." I told Luanne, sternly, suddenly feeling the need to defend him. She was acting like Jax was the bad guy here and he wasn't. He's one of the good ones.


	96. Chapter 96: Just Business

**Chapter 96**

 **Jax's Point of View**

We were all finally gathered back at the clubhouse now. After the beating we put on Georgie and his crew I don't think he'll be bothering Luanne or her talent again, at least if he's smart anyway. I tried not to let things get bloody today, but that's exactly how it ended. Sometimes there just isn't any other option. But it got me thinking about the options we do still have. Luanne needs muscle to protect her business from shitbags like Georgie, muscle we have. So what if SAMCRO partnered up with Luanne and protected her business and her talent. We split the profits 50/50 and it's a way for the club to earn legitimately. It would get ATF off our fucking backs, hopefully.

I thought it sounded like a decent idea. It would only be temporary until we could find another way to earn. It was quick fix. The only way I could see Luanne and SAMCRO surviving at the moment was for us to work together. Trying to convince Clay of that was going to be the greatest feat. There's no way he's going to give up the cash that comes with running guns for porn.

Not to mention Rowan's probably gonna shit when I tell her about this if it goes through.

"There's a ton of guys like Georgie out there.

Luanne can't pay her talent, they'll keep coming…" I said, smirking, "so to speak. That's why she wants the 50k."

"That's not gonna happen." Clay shot that down like a duck out of the sky. He lit a cigar and blew the smoke in my direction.

I rolled my eyes, trying to keep my head on straight. Clay would shoot this idea down right now just merely because I thought of it. "Obviously, but we can offer her something else…a partner."

"What are you talking about?" Bobby showed some interest sitting next to me.

"The empty gun warehouse we just built. Same size as Caruso films." I said, lighting a cigarette and looking around the table at everyone.

"All of a sudden you're Larry Flint?" Clay shot out, puffing his smoke in my direction again. He leaned back in chair and shook his head, already wanting to toss this idea to the side.

"Georgie's just a scumbag with muscle and a lease, right? His staff and talent do all the work. We already have staff and talent: Luann." I explained further. Everyone seated seemed interested in the idea. I mean why wouldn't they, half of em' would get to hang around a porn studio all day.

"So we're the scumbags with the lease and muscle?" Deacon spoke, rubbing the side of his beard with his hand. I could tell he was debating my proposal. Ever since Rowan came into his life full time he's been a little more guarded about what we do, what he does, which I understand. He wants to protect her, so do I.

"Why not? We offer her protection, a space, front her a little cash for the shit the feds took, split the profits." I added.

"And I can upgrade her internet shit." Juice jumped into the conversation. "There's plenty of room for servers in that space. And that's where the real cash is."

"And I was blessed with an excellent eye for casting." Chibs held up his beer bottle for Deacon to clink against his own.

"Clubs get into trouble when they take on too much." Clay stated. He leaned forward and placed his elbows on the table, staring at me. Every single thing with him had to be a goddamn challenge.

"Guns have been downsized. We could use the extra income." I pointed out the obvious.

Clay sighed, glancing around the table. I had the majority of them on board with this.

"It's a legitimate business. We run it clean, feds think we turned over a new leaf, they go away." I spoke through clenched teeth looking at Clay.

"And the very least, we'll get Bobby laid." Chibs shot out, laughing.

I smacked Bobby on the back beside me and glanced across the table at Deacon. "Maybe get you laid too, so you're not so uptight when your granddaughter gets here."

Deacon flipped me the finger as everyone ragged on him.

"Thoughts?" Clay asked, looking around the table with a semi pissed of expression marring his features.

"Everybody loves pussy." Tig shot out, grinning.

"I second that." Opie held his hand up.

"I third it." Deacon agreed, but he glanced at me and I noticed he still seemed a little conflicted.

I chuckled and relaxed back in my chair a bit, inhale my the smoke from my cigarette.

"Fourth it." Juice agreed, happily.

"I'm a very big fan of pussy." Bobby added, laughing.

Clay looked at me, waiting for my vote. Like he didn't already know my answer. "You know I love pussy. Well one girls pussy at least."

"Could you take into consideration that I know you're sleeping with my daughter?" Deacon swore under his breath. Old bastard was gonna have a heart attack if he kept it up.

I grinned, "Nope."

"All in favor? Like I gotta ask." Clay said, holding up the gavel.

Everyone yelled in unison. "Pussy!"

I couldn't help but chuckle a little and grin. This is what the club needed right now. It wasn't ideal, but we could make it work. As long as Luanne agreed to it that is. But with the way I went off on her at the hospital today I think she'd agree to anything I suggested at the moment.

Rowan seemed really shocked that I jumped down Luanne's throat like I did. It wasn't really even about Luanne, I was pissed at Georgie, and took it out on her.

"All right, looks like we're making movies. We got a delivery to make." Clay slammed the gavel down and then rose from his chair slowly.

"I'll tell Luann she's got a new partner." I told him, looking him dead in the eye. Clay didn't say anything as held my gaze and walked around the table to leave.

Everyone else got up and headed out of the room. I fell in line beside Deacon as I headed outside to my bike. "You going home?" He asked, getting on his bike next to mine.

"Yeah, I'm gonna go check on Rowan. Felt like shit ditching her all day after everything that happened." I got on my bike and put my helmet on.

"You keep an eye on her." He instructed, sternly as if I wouldn't.

"Always do." I told him before starting up my bike.

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Lena had dropped me, Gemma and Abel off at home. She was going to stay and help me with Abel so I could rest, but she had a shift at the diner. Gemma fell asleep in the rocking chair in Abel's room about two hours ago. I didn't have the heart to wake her up, so I just let her rest. Part of me wanted to cover her up with a blanket, but I didn't want to startle her.

I'd changed my clothes when we got home, feeling weirdly uncomfortable in my dress and sweater. I pulled on jeans and a tank top. I felt too exposed in my dress. Too accessible. I took another Diladid for the pain in my shoulder and the cut on my face and curled up in bed with one of Jax's sweatshirts. It smelled like him and it made me feel close to him. I didn't want to admit it, but today after everything last night that happened, Jax scared me. I've never been afraid of him, not once. But today I was, because I finally saw that he could be that way towards me if he wanted to be…

Those men violated Gemma.

They took my security and my trust.

They scarred me.

They're making me question Jax.

They won't break me. This will not break me. If Gemma could endure what she endured and still function, I could find a way to be okay. I had too. For myself. For Abel. For Gemma. For my daughter. I don't want my daughter or Abel to ever feel how I'm feeling right now.

I lied in bed and silently cried until I fell asleep. I didn't wake up until I felt something lying over my side and something rough against my cheek. My stomach flipped as I opened my eyes, startled. Jax was sitting on the edge of the bed in front of me, with his arm over my hip. He must have kissed me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He whispered, leaning down and kissing me on the good side of my face.

I caught my breath as I sat up slowly in the bed.

"How're my girls feeling?" Jax asked, placing his hand on my ever growing stomach. I slightly flinched at his touch for whatever reason, but forced myself to relax.

"Sore, very sore." I answered honestly. At least I could be honest about that to a certain point.

"Did you take anything for the pain?"

"A little while ago." I gave him a weak smile. He ran his index finger down the slope of my nose and smirked at me.

"I got you that chicken noodle from New Market that you like." Jax gestured towards a container of soup on the night stand. "With extra noodles."

I couldn't help but grin because he knew me so well. He popped the lid off the soup and handed it to me with a spoon, then laid sideways across my legs, with his hand resting on my stomach.

I ate a few bites, but found it a little difficult to open my mouth without pulling the stitches in my jaw. I rested the container of soup on my leg and rested my hand on top of his over my stomach. His knuckles were red like he'd hit something, or someone…

"I can't believe we're having a girl. You almost had me convinced that it was a boy. You seemed so sure." I stared at my stomach. Jax ran his thumb back and forth gently, soothingly. "Are you upset it's not a boy?"

"No. Not at all. I mean a boy would be easier for me, but having a little mini you sounds pretty damn good too. She's the only other girl I could ever let into my heart." He said, gazing up at me. God. I hated lying to him.

"You're pretty charming when you want to be, Teller." I rested my hand against his cheek and watched his eyes flutter closed. It was like my touch instantly made him feel at home.

"I have my moments." He chuckled.

I ate a few more bites of soup as Jax stared up at me.

"I saw my mom asleep in the kids room."

"Yeah, she hung around to help me with Abel, so I could get some rest. But she needed rest too. I didn't wanna wake her." I half lied.

Jax nodded his head, not finding anything amiss with my statement.

"How'd things go with that guy Georgie?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

Jax rolled onto his back and sighed, pulling my legs so they were resting across his stomach. "It's taken care of. I actually need to talk to you about some stuff." He turned his head so he was looking at me with that sexy face of his. "We decided to partner up with Luanne. We're gonna protect Luanne's girls and give her a space to work."

"What does SAMCRO get out of it?" I asked, feeling uneasy about this situation. I know Jax wants the club to go legit, and porn is a legitimate business, but seriously porn?

"We split Luanne's profits 50/50. Plus, we get free blowjobs." He smirked, trying to be funny.

I shifted uncomfortably. I didn't find it funny. I glared at Jax and shook my head as I got up off the bed. "I'm kidding, it was a joke." Jax called after me as I walked down the hall towards the kitchen.

I put the soup in the fridge and slung the spoon in the sink, then gripped the counter top for support. I don't Why his comment irritated me. We joke around with each other all the time. This just struck a nerve.

Two arms snaked around me. "That was a bad joke. It's not a big deal though, Ro. It's just business." Jax kissed my neck, but I wasn't in the mood. I moved away from him and started straightening things up on the counter.

"I figured you were going to have a problem with this, which is why I wanted to talk to you about it." Jax said, leaning against the dining room table.

"I don't have a problem with it, Jax. It's a legitimate business venture for the club. I'm all for that. I know you are too. I get it. I just have a problem with my boyfriend hanging around porn sluts all day." I shot back at him.

"Well, if you trusted me, it wouldn't be an issue." Jax challenged back.

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest. "It's not you that I don't trust. It's them. Those girls. You don't understand. The things they say about you around the club when you're not there. The things I've heard them say that you prefer in bed. It's ridiculous!" I snapped, letting my arms fall. I turned around and faced the counter, not wanting to look at him.

My emotions were from this pregnancy were about to take over and turn me into a puddle of tears. I didn't want to cry in front of him over this. He didn't understand. Or he didn't want too. "You know it's one thing for me to have to compete with the croweaters at the club, but now I have to compete with porn stars too?"

I turned around and looked at him finally. "I can't do it."

"Rowan, it's just business." Jax spoke calmly, sweetly, as he made his way across the kitchen towards me. His hands found my waist immediately.

"It's just business, until it isn't." I told him. "It's business until you have to come home to a pregnant fat girlfriend who looks like scar face."

The tears started to burn the back of my eyes so I gently pushed away from him and headed back towards the bedroom. "Rowan." Jax called after me from the kitchen as I closed the bedroom door.

I crawled back into bed and wiped away the tears flowing down my cheeks. A few minutes later the bedroom door opened and I felt Jax lying behind me. It seemed like he hesitated, but then I felt his hand on my stomach and his chin on my shoulder. His breath was hitting my ear.

"Go away. Please." I wiped my eyes again.

"No." He whispered. "I'm not going anywhere. Look at me?" He pleaded, kissing my shoulder. Then he gently pulled me so I was lying on my back facing him.

"I swear to you that this thing with Luanne and Cara Cara will not come between us. No one will ever come between us. It's business. That's it. I don't know why you feel so insecure, because babe, I'm only looking at you. You're fucking beautiful."

His words made me cry even more. I covered my face with my hands and tried to compose myself. This wasn't about Jax or the porn sluts, this was about last night. This was me finally snapping.

Jax pulled my hands away from my face and wiped the tears on my cheek away with his thumb.

"This whole day has just been shitty." I tried to blow it over. Jax caressed my cheek and leaned down and kissed me on the lips.

"What can I do to make it better?" He asked sincerely.

I curled into his chest on my side and gripped his shirt. "Just hold me…" Jax wrapped his arm around me and held me tightly against his chest without a word.

His phone ringing caused us to break apart. He dug it out of his pocket and answered it. "What?...Jesus….Yeah, we're on our way." He hung up the phone and let out a sigh. "Bobby was shot in the shoulder."

"What?" I half sat up.

"They need you at the clubhouse."

We both got up and headed down the hallway just as Gemma was coming out of Abel's room. "What's going on?" She questioned, looking at us both.

"Bobby got shot. We gotta go to the club." Jax explained. "I'm glad you're okay." He leaned in and have her a warm hug. I saw her wince as he did so.

"I'll stay and keep an eye on Abel. You two go." Gemma insisted.


	97. Chapter 97: Destroyed

**Chapter 97**

 **Jax's Point of View**

Rowan didn't say much the entire ride to the clubhouse. It was a little unnerving for me. She's never usually quiet, unless she's sleeping, even then she snores. Her incessant babble calms me, which is weird I know. It's one of the things I adore about her, her never ending ability to make noise. She asks questions and talks through certain television shows we watch. Especially the dumb ones. Her narrations of what's happening on the screen is always funny as hell. She sings and couch dances through every single theme song to every single show too. Abel loves all the goofy noises and impressions she does for him. If she's in the kitchen, she's humming or singing. If she's in the car, she's singing.

Now though, she's just quietly staring out the window into the darkness. I reached over and grabbed her hand as I pulled onto the lot. She gave me a ghost of a smile, but let me continue holding her hand over the console in the truck.

We were walking towards the clubhouse when Rowan cursed under her breath. "Shit. I left my medical bag in the truck. Go, I'm right behind you!" She called over her shoulder, running back to my truck.

I headed inside ready to see what the fuck happened and how bad Bobby was. I was stopped short though by Ima. She had on daisy dukes and a crop top that was barely there. "Hey, Jax."

"Ima." I acknowledged her, hoping that would be enough to get her the hell out of my way. I went to step around her, but she stepped in front of me, blocking me. Jesus Christ.

"I just wanted to say thank you, for earlier with Georgie. I was so terrified." Ima gripped the sides of my cut and leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. The whole exchange was making me uncomfortable as fuck. Ever since Rowan and I got together I don't like anyone to touch my cut but her.

"Georgie won't be an issue. You've got nothing to worry about now." Rowan was gonna walk in here any second and think something else is going on here and it's not.

I tried side stepping around her again, but failed.

"I'd really love to show you just how thankful I am." Ima started to pull on my cut, annoying the hell out of me, so I grabbed her wrists to push her away gently.

That's when I heard Rowan clear her throat behind us. For fuck sake.

I turned and looked at her, ready to explain, but stopped short when I saw the look of pure rage on her face. Her eyes flashed with anger as they flicked from me to Ima and back again. I watched her knuckles tighten around the strap to her medical bag over her shoulder. She turned on her heel and swung the door open and held it, "Either she leaves, or I will. You decide. Keep in mind, Bobby still needs help." Rowan gritted out.

Rowan's jaw clenched shut as she zeroed in on Ima. Ima crossed her arms over her chest and smirked at Rowan and then glanced at me, giving me a pouty look.

"Ima, go. Now." I ordered, getting pissed off too.

Ima huffed, upset, but marched towards Rowan and paused in the doorway. She chuckled at Rowan and pointed to her face. "You should really put some cover up on that thing on your face. I think I have some in my purse!" Ima twirled her hair around her index finger and glared at Rowan.

Rowan stepped forward, causing Ima to step back against the doorframe. They were nose to nose now. "You should really walk out of here while you still can, bitch. Stay the hell away from Jax. This is the last time I'm warning you."

Ima clenched her jaw shut and walked away in a huff.

Rowan swung around an started making her way towards me. "It's just business, huh?" She said, pushing past me to go find Bobby.

I followed after her into the main room and saw Bobby sitting at the bar surrounded by the guys. His shoulder was soaked in blood. Chibs was trying to stop the bleeding.

"Jesus. You okay?" I patted Bobby's good shoulder.

He nodded, clearly in pain and took a shot out of the bottle of whiskey he was clutching like a life preserver.

"Thank god you're hear." Chibs said, squeezing Rowan's shoulder and stepping out of her way. She got to work on Bobby right away, removing the bloody bandages Chibs had applied.

Deacon stood behind the bar with his arms crossed over his chest in pure awe, watching his daughter work. "You sure know what your doing, kid."

Rowan glanced up at her father and half laughed, more to herself. "Well the SAMCRO pre-med crash course has really helped me out."

"Glad to be of service, sweetheart." Bobby grinned, looking down at his shoulder as Rowan irrigated the wound.

"How bout next time you just let me practice drawing your blood, instead of getting shot? Okay?" She gave him a smile. "You're lucky, it went straight through."

Tig grabbed my shoulder causing me to look at him. I gave him a what the fuck happened expression. "The Mayans, they crashed our little Niner delivery, man.

They got away with two cases of the AKs."

"Jesus Christ." I ran a hand down the side of my face, sighing.

Clay peeked his head out of the chapel and looked at me. "In here. Now."

"You good?" I asked Rowan, stepping forward and placing my hand on the small of her back. She nodded and turned away to grab something out of her bag.

I joined Clay in the chapel. He closed the door and sat down on the edge of the table and stared at me. I had nothing to say to him. "That little judgment call you made for the good of the club came back to bite us in the ass. Almost killed Bobby."

"I see that." I gritted out. It was a little late to do anything about it now, with Bobby bleeding out already.

"Whatever you may think, the truth is, everything I do is to protect what we got. It's never arbitrary And it's never reactive. Been doing this for 30 years. I know a few things." Clay droned on, like I was really going to heed any of his advice at this point.

"Taking that tag off the Mayan was the right decision. You know that." I stood my ground.

"You want to challenge me? Fine. I don't give a shit. But the minute it stops becoming about this club and it starts becoming personal, they'll know that." Clay gestured towards the guys in the main room. "They'll lose respect for you and they won't trust you anymore. And then you'll be handling everything on your own.

Think about that…son." Clay whispered the last part in my ear before walking out of the room.

I placed gripped the back of one of the chairs so hard I thought I'd snap it in half. I can feel things slipping out of my hands, out of my control and I don't know what to do to keep everything in place.

After gathering my scrabbled thoughts I head back out into the main room to check on Bobby and Rowan. Bobby's patched up pretty much and Rowan's nowhere to be seen. I pass my old mans old Harley on display as I head upstairs to see if she's up in my old dorm room.

The doors ajar so I know I'm right. I pushed it open and walked inside to find Rowan sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing her forehead.

"Hey," I whisper, sitting down beside her. "Look, Ima accosted me when I walked in the door. That was nothing for you to worry about."

Rowan scoffed and looked up at me. "I worry about everything."

"That's because you're neurotic." I smirked. I slip my arm around her shoulder and feel her stiffen every so slightly. I forgot she hurt her shoulder blade in the accident. "Why don't you let me worry for the both of us for a while?" My hand finds her small baby bump and rests there. "It's not good for the baby."

Rowan placed her hand on my cheek, rubbing her thumb across my skin. "Don't make me look stupid for loving you."

In an instant I know what she's saying. She's telling me not to break her fucking heart by screwing around with one of Luanne's porn sluts, like Ima. I have no intention of fucking things up. Although, I somehow always manage too anyway.

"I won't. I promise." I said, with every intention of keeping that promise.

I knew she was sore, so I kissed her briskly on the forehead. "So, Half Sac told me earlier your mustang is pretty much totaled."

"I don't care about the car." Rowan said, shaking her head. She seemed preoccupied, lost in her head a bit. I was expecting I more emotional reaction to the news about her car heading to the graveyard, she loved that thing.

"Where's my necklace?" I asked, noticing my chain wasn't hanging around her neck like it normally is. Rowan looked down at her self and stared, quizzically. She opened and closed her mouth thinking about saying something, but shrugged.

"It got blood on it. So I took it off to clean it." I nodded, but noticed she looked worried and upset a little bit. She was acting off now and I didn't understand why. It's been a stressful day all the way around.

 **THREE WEEKS LATER**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

It's been three weeks since the "accident," as we are referring to it these days. I guess calling it an accident makes it easier, maybe for Gemma. For me? Not so much. I've been carrying what happened that night with me for weeks now and it's starting to take its toll on me and Jax. We haven't been connecting like we usually do lately and frankly I don't know what's wrong with me, us. Every time he touches me I tense up and think about the accident and Jax's hands turn into the guys hands from that night, then they turn into Kohn's, suddenly it's like I'm reliving both traumas all over again. No matter how hard I try and tell myself that it's Jax, that he'd never hurt me, it doesn't work.

We've been on edge these past few weeks. I'm not sleeping. He's not coming home as often as he promised he would be. The porn business is very demanding, apparently. When he does come home, it's usually late at night and he's usually half drunk and horny and I have to find an excuse for him not to touch me. Everything feels wrong. I feel wrong. The scar on my face has started to heal since Cara took the stitches out, but it's still not pretty. It's a constant reminder of what happened and that I'm lying to Jax.

If I told him the truth, yes, he'd understand and he'd be undeniably supportive and give me the space I need to figure things out, but I can't tell him the truth because it's not just my truth. It's Gemma's too. She's suffering as well. She's constantly jumpy and hasn't been sleeping herself either. She avoids Clay at all costs and that's starting to become noticeable around the club. Her physical injuries have healed, but the emotional ones, they're gonna be there for a long time.

Those men did what they did to Gemma and I to try and break the club, but if we don't tell then they can't hurt us anymore than they already have, at least that's what Gemma says.

Classes and Abel have been taking up most of my time, as well as overseeing the construction being done at Navy Street for my dad and helping Gemma at the garage. I finally had to quit my job at the diner. I've got two more weeks left working there. Jax was right, I was beginning to juggle to many things and something had to go. Lena was pissed when I told her I wasn't going to be their much longer.

It was early in the morning, the sun was just tinting the sky a pleasant shade of pink and blue. The air was cool, little puffs of steam came out of my mouth as I ran home from the Water & Power building…the building Unser found us in that night. I've come back here a few times looking for the necklace Jax gave me, but I still haven't found it. When he noticed I wasn't wearing it I realized it had to have been ripped off here. I haven't found it in the building, which means they, whoever the fuck they are, must have taken it and kept it as a twisted keepsake.

Now I really am going to have to tell Jax I lost it. He's going to kill me. That necklace was his dads. It meant so much to him that I wore it. Now it's just gone.

By the time I got back to the house I was soaked in sweat and ready for a shower. I walked through the front door and headed into the kitchen and turn the water on at the sink and splashed water across my face to cool down. Abel and Jax were still sleeping when I left this morning for my run.

I gripped the sink and closed my eyes, trying to relax for a second. I felt two arms snake around my waist and Jax's warm breath against my neck. "You're up and out early." His lips pressed against my neck gently. It felt good, but uncomfortable. My body still reacted to his as if nothing was wrong. My heart wanted him to touch me and hold me and make love to me, but my brain was short circuiting screwing up all the signals. "You've been running a lot lately."

"Exercising is healthy when you're pregnant." I pointed out, feeling his hands on my ever growing baby bump.

"I'm a great personal trainer." Jax spun me so I was facing him now. He smirked at me and kissed my nose, which made me smile. My eyes roamed down over his bare chest and admired the way his sweatpants hung low on his hips. It was killing me not to be able to enjoy his touch like I used to be able too.

Jax had that look in his eyes. That sexy smoldering look. I knew where this was going.

Jax leaned in and pressed his lips to mine, igniting an electric current throughout my body. His hands slipped up underneath my sweatshirt and caressed my sides as he pinned me against the cabinet. That weird feeling of being trapped started to wash over me slowly, bit by bit.

I gripped his neck and kissed him back, craving him. Maybe if I just force myself to get past this uncomfortable feeling I'll be okay. We'll be okay. We haven't had sex in almost a month and I know he's frustrated with me, I'm frustrated. His lips sucked along my neck, while his hand inched up and brushed against the bottom of my breast.

Without a warning Jax's hands slid down and gripped my hips picking me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled back feeling my heart lurch in my chest. "Jax, I'm all sweaty. I need a shower. I don't exactly feel sexy right now."

"You know I like when you're sweaty." He grinned and licked the sweat off the side of my neck. He turned and started carrying me into the bedroom. Panic started rising up in my chest.

It's not that I don't want to have sex with him, because I do. Believe me, I do. I just don't like feeling trapped beneath him. When we have sex Jax is possessive and all consuming. He's in control. Normally I love that, but right now I need to feel in control and that control is slipping out of my fingers.

Jax laid me back on the bed and pulled my, well his, sweatshirt over my head, leaving me in my tank top. His body covered mine instantly, his lips devouring mine. He licked, nipped, sucked at every inch of exposed skin.

"Do you hear Abel?" I panted, pushing against his chest lightly. Jax stopped kissing me and leaned his head back a little and listened.

"I don't hear him." He breathed heavily. "He's fine."

"Just let me go check on him. I'll be really quick." I smirked up at him, attempting to get off the bed.

Jax didn't budge. "He's fine, babe. We'll hear him over the monitor if he cries." He gently guided me back into my back and lifted my tank top up, exposing my stomach. He planted tender kisses across the skin. He grabbed my shorts and started to pull them down, only to me it felt like that guy yanking on my underwear that night and I freaked the hell out.

"Jax, I have class in an hour and your mom will be here to watch Abel soon." I tried to end this for now. Jax nipped at my hip bone and then moved back to my lips, all the while pulling at my shorts. "Jax. Stop. Please. I'm not in the mood." He still kept trying to convince me to change my mind. "Jax. I said stop." I pushed him as hard as possible in the chest, shoving him off of me onto his side.

I got up and spun around to see a very confused pissed off look on his face. "What the hell was that?"

"I asked you to stop." I shot out.

"What the hell is going on with you lately? And don't say it's because you're pregnant, because that's bullshit."

"I asked you to stop, and you didn't. Nothing is going on with me." I snapped back, readjusting my clothes back in place.

Jax shook his head and sighed, flopping onto his back the rest of the way. My cell phone vibrated on the nightstand catching Jax's attention. He grabbed it and looked at the screen. "Why is some guy named Stephen texting you?" He sat up on one elbow and looked at me accusingly.

He tossed me the phone. It was my lab partner Stephen, asking for a copy of notes I forgot to send him. "He's my lab partner, which I've told you. I forgot to send him my notes." I searched the floor for my notes and laid them out on the bed to send him pictures of them.

Jax scoffed and shook his head.

"What?" I glared up at him.

"Nothing." He shrugged.

"No, say what's on your mind." I pressed.

"I just find it funny that whenever he texts you for notes or anything you jump right to it, but when I wanna fuck it's a problem." Jax got up off the bed and lit a cigarette. He walked over to the window and opened it, letting his hand dangle outside with the cigarette. "So I know you're not fucking me, because we haven't had sex in a month, so you've gotta be fucking him."

"I'm not fucking him." I spat back at him, glaring at him from across the room.

"If I find out that he touched you. I'll kill him." Jax gritted out, taking a puff off his cigarette. He walked towards me a little bit, his body rigid and tense.

"I'm not fucking Stephen." I annunciated each word.

"I haven't said anything about how you've been acting for a while now. But I'm done putting up with this shit. What? Did you get what you wanted from me when I shot Kohn, so now your trying to find a way to leave, but that's a little more complicated because you went and let me knock you up. Is that what this is?"

His words stung like I've left on your skin too long. How he could even think I'd use him and then leave him breaks my heart. "Don't fucking throw that in my face ever again! You know it's not true. "I'm sorry if I'm not being a good old lady and taking care of your needs. But having sex with you isn't my daily priority. I have Abel to take care of and school and work. With as much time as your spending at the club, I'm sure your not doing without much."

"Bullshit. This isn't about Abel or your fucking classes or work. This is about you! If I was getting fucked at the club, we wouldn't be having this fucking fight right now, believe me, because I wouldn't give a shit then. But I'm not so much as getting my dick sucked. I've been staying at the club more because I know you haven't been sleeping and I know the bike wakes you up." Jax yelled back at me, louder then I expected him too.

"Lower your voice before you wake Abel up." I told him in a normal tone.

"That's right, I can't yell in my own home. I can't smoke," he flicked his cigarette out the window and slammed it shut, "I can't fuck my girlfriend."

"You know you're acting like a child right now?!" I started to get dressed in my maroon colored nursing scrubs. My phone vibrated again and Jax stared at me and my phone.

"Go ahead, text him back. You wouldn't wanna keep your boyfriend waiting." Jax snapped, pulling a shirt over his head and then changing into a pair of jeans.

"Screw you, Jax. It's Gemma. She's on her way over."

I felt tears burning my eyes and my throat burned, threatening to close up. This is the second fight we've had this month. The first was when Stephen my lab partner gave me a ride home from class and Jax saw him drop me off at the club. My car was totaled in the accident, leaving me without a car for a few weeks. Jax just recently bought me a new Chevy Suburban.

Jax swung his cut over his shoulders and headed past me towards the door. "What are you doing? Where are you going?"

"Walking out before I say something I can't take back." He looked me dead in the eye and that's when I felt the tears sliding down my cheek.

I swiped them away quickly.

"If you fucking knew… you'd understand." I whispered, feeling my chest tightening. I sat down on the edge of the bed and rested my elbows on my knees and held my face in my hands.

I thought Jax would have continued walking out, but I felt him kneeling in front of me. His warmth radiated off onto me. I felt his hands touching the sides of my arms. "Don't cry." He said, he sounded tired and just drained. "You know I can't stand it when you cry. I hate it. Especially when I'm the one who made you do it to begin with."

After a moment I lifted my head and looked away from him. He sighed and moved so he was sitting with his back against the bed frame. I slid down on the floor next to him, hugging my knees.

"You said if I knew…knew what?" Jax asked, looking at me. "What do I need to know? Make me understand what's happening to us." He was giving me an opportunity to tell him everything and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. But if I don't tell him soon, it could be the end of us…

I wiped my nose on the back of my hand and cleared my throat. The front door opened and I knew it was Gemma. She made her way down the hallway and peeked her head in the door. "Everything okay here?" She looked at my rear stained face and for an instant I think she thought I'd told Jax.

"Everything's fine, ma. I'm gonna go." Jax patted my knee as he stood up.

I looked up at him. "I'll leave the light on for you."

"Don't bother." He said before disappearing out the door. The front door slammed shut and I felt my emotions slamming against my insides.

Gemma crept inside and sat down beside me on the floor and wrapped her arms around me. "I can't keep this secret much longer Gemma. It's gonna destroy us."


	98. Chapter 98: Both Of Us

**Chapter 98**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Able had started to fuss in his crib so Gemma and I were sitting with him at the kitchen table. I couldn't help but admire the way she was holding her grandson, so loving, so caring. When Gemma held Abel it was like nothing terrible had happened to her for a few moments. I was glad she could have just a few minutes of solace. I wiped the tears from my eyes and cleared the lump in my throat.

Gemma glanced at me, then back at the blue eyed blonde haired angel in her arms.

"We need to tell someone what happened, Gemma. Even if we just tell Jax. He'll…understand." I was at a loss for words at the moment. Talking to Gemma sometimes was like talking to a wall. There was no point, you'd look stupid, and nothing would be spoken back in return.

"Understand? Sweetheart, the only thing telling Jax is gonna do, is hurt him. I'm not hurting him. If we tell Jax, he tells Clay and Deacon and that's it. This club can't take a hit like this right now."

"This isn't about the club taking a hit, this about you, us. Jax and I are hardly hanging on by a thread right now because I can't stand for him to touch me. He knows something is off." I said, trying to get her to see reason for the millionth time.

Gemma stood up and started bouncing Abel on her hip, rubbing his back soothingly. She paced around the kitchen in circles. I thought she was going to wear a path into the linoleum with her boots. "Jax and the others cannot find out about this. If they do, I'll know it was you." Gemma leveled me with a glare. Is she really seriously threatening me right now? Unbelievable. Giving her a reaction would only make matters worse right now, so instead I took a deep breath and decided to try another tactic to get her to see that opening up about this is the right thing to do.

"Do you remember my landlord, Kohn?" I spoke, feeling a chill run down my spine merely speaking his name.

"Yeah, why?" Gemma nodded.

"He's the reason that I wanted a gun. He's who I was afraid of. I didn't tell anyone that he was stalking me. He'd been doing it for a while and he was getting bolder and more out of control, but I thought if I kept it to myself that it wasn't happening, that it would go away, but it didn't. So I told Jax and he put a stop to it, or he thought he did." My fingers absentmindedly chipped away at a flake of peeling paint off the table as I told Gemma all of this.

The chair across from me creaked as Gemma sat back down.

"Kohn attacked me the night Clay and that Irishman got shot at." Finally I looked up at Gemma and met her gaze.

"He rape you?" Gemma flag out asked.

"No… but he was going to if Jax hadn't stopped him." I said, unsure of how much to tell her about what Jax had really done that night. The expression on Gemma's face told me she already put the pieces together anyway. Words didn't need to be said to know what Jax had done.

"Why are you telling me this?" Gemma probed, starring at me hard.

"Telling Jax what was going on, helped. He's what got me through that. I think if you told Clay he could help you. I don't know if Jax and I can handle this secret, Gemma. I don't know if we are strong enough."

Gemma took a moment to consider my words and their meaning, but shook her head. "You love my son?" Gemma asked. I nodded. Of course I loved him. I loved Jax probably more than one person should love someone else. "You want to be a good old lady for him?" Again, I nodded. "Then you need to be strong when and where he can't be. You have to bury this shit deep inside of you so it can never touch him because if it does it'll crush him."

I stared at Gemma wondering how long this could go on before one of us cracked completely. My money was on it being me and I hated that. I hated not being able to hide my emotions. I've always been this way.

 **SOA**

 **Jax's Point of View**

It was around midnight now. The main room at the clubhouse was packed with everyone. Rock music mixed in with all the indistinct chatter floating around me. I knocked back another shot of whiskey and grabbed the bottle from behind the bar and poured myself another as Opie sat down beside me, so I poured him a shot too.

"What are you still doing here?" I arched an eyebrow at him. He should be home with his kids. I should be too, I guess. The alcohol had been flowing through my veins for a good two or three hours now. I'd lost count of what shot I was on. I'd spent the day working in the garage just so I didn't have to think about what's going on between me and Rowan right now.

"My mom took them up to her place for the weekend. House is too empty without them. It feels weird. The silence." Opie twirled his shot glass with his fingers before knocking it back. "What about you? What the hell are you doing here? I figured you'd be home with Rowan. You two can't go five minutes without latching onto the other. It's unhealthy actually."

"We're taking a time out, I guess. Fuck. I don't even know what the fuck is going on." My mouth tasted bitter and not from the alcohol. I poured another shot and downed it, chasing it with a drink of beer. "We're not connecting. We're not fucking. We're just drifting."

Opie and I turned in our bar stools to face the room.

"She's pregnant, man. Her hormones are firing at rapid speed. Don't worry about it. When Donna was pregnant with Ellie she didn't even want me to fucking breathe near her, she threw a hair dryer at me because I walked into the bathroom eating her left over chicken wings. It's just what happens." Opie laughed, but there was a sadness behind it. He missed his wife. Even in my inebriated state I could see the tears well up in his eyes. He'd never cry though. Not here, at least.

I laughed remembering the day Opie told me Donna had thrown the hair dryer at him. He came flying into the shop that day wondering what the hell the baby was doing to his wife.

"I don't know, man." I sighed, catching Ima eyeing me across the room. She was dancing with a couple other girls, swinging her hips and shaking her hair. It was clear the show was for my benefit. It wasn't interesting to me. She wasn't interesting to me. She was a good lay, but that was it.

Part of me hated the fact that my dick was getting hard watching her. I didn't want her, I wanted Rowan. When I was going to get Rowan back, my rowan, I had no clue. I had no fucking clue where she went. I was lonely and frustrated on all fronts, but not enough to wreck what I have going. Right? My eyes felt heavy and my buzz was working into overdrive.

"Don't do it." Opie said in my ear, shaking his head. He was watching me watch Ima. "It's not worth it, especially with that crazy bitch."

"I'm not doing anything."

"Yeah, you are." Opie chuckled.

"What am I doing?" I snapped. I was in a pissy mood and just wanted to rewind the last few weeks to before Rowan started pushing me away. I wanted to go back to waking up with her naked body pressed against mine. I wanted to go back to fucking her before she walks out the door to go to class. I wanted our late nights tangled on the couch talking about our days.

"You're getting ready to fuck up a good thing, it's what you do." Opie laughed again. His face was a little red from the alcohol kicking into his system. "How much have you had to drink?" Opie gestured toward my empty beer bottle in my drink. Why he was acting like my mother was beyond me.

"I'm good, man." I yelled over the chatter and music.

Ima was making her way towards me, little by little, and the closer she got the more nauseated I felt. She was baiting me and I was tempted to take it. If I wanted to be a dick I could fuck Ima and Rowan would never know. It's just how things work around here. I fooled around on Wendy all the time, she was too high or drunk to care where my dick landed. I cheated on Tara too. It wasn't cheating though, it's just the way I did things. But doing that to Rowan just felt wrong. We were building something together. I didn't wanna be the asshole that knocked it all down.

"You ever step out on donna?" I asked, looking at Opie. Bringing her up in causal conversation was difficult, but not talking about her and the memories we all shared together was even more difficult.

"No, but I'm not gonna lie and say I didn't think about it, because I did. Especially when things got rocky between us. I mean after a few beers, everything looks and sounds like a good idea. But it's almost never worth it." Opie took a swig of his beer a croweater had handed him and stared at the peanut shells on the floor.

"I'm gonna go." I said, getting up and patting Opie on the shoulder. I wasn't gonna fuck this up over a one night stand. It wasn't worth it, like he said.

Sure, I was gaining sex, but I was loosing so much more.

How I made it home in one piece this trashed astounded me. In hindsight I should have probably had Opie being me home in his truck. The house was dark when I stumbled through the front door, letting it hit the wall with a thud as it swung open. I was aware I was being loud, but trying to be quiet only seemed to make it worse because the door slammed shut behind me.

My head was throbbing, but I still wanted another beer so I headed towards the kitchen in the dark. I walked right into Abel's doorjam swing and got caught in the ropes. "Son of a bitch." This kid had way to much shit. If we ever went to move out of here we'd need a separate u-haul just for his baby gear, not to mention the second ones shit.

After ripping the swing down and tossing it on the floor I made it to the fridge and swung it open, the light from inside flooded out. Completely forgetting to go for the beer I grabbed a leftover Chinese food container and started eating it. It tasted bland so I spit it out in the sink.

The kitchen light turned on abruptly. "Jax?"

I turned around momentarily blinded by the light and saw Rowan standing in the archway to the kitchen. "Are you okay? It's late. Wait, are you drunk?" She half laughed, walking towards me, taking in the swing on the floor, the refrigerator door still open and the Chinese food is dropped on the floor.

"Define drunk?" I grinned. I wanted to touch her so I started walking towards her and felt my mind sway as I bumped into one of the kitchen chairs.

Rowan was in front of me in seconds, holding onto my sides. "Okay, boozy. Let's get you to bed." She didn't seem pissed I came home at one in the morning drunk. That's a good sign; especially after earlier today.

Rowan led me into the bedroom and helped me sit down on the edge of the bed. She turned on the bed side lamp and then slowly removed my cut for me. She knelt down between my legs and removed my Nikes one at a time.

My hand found the side of her face and she looked at me.

"I thought you weren't coming home." Her voice was quiet and calming to me, but I still heard the hurt crackling in.

"There was nothing for me there." I told her. Rowan helped me remove my white shirt. It felt good to have it off and her hands on my shoulders. I gazed up at her drunkenly and slipped my hands onto her legs pulling her closer. My head fell to her stomach and her hands tangled into my hair.

"I'm sorry. I said things earlier I didn't mean." I whispered after a while of her just running her fingers through my hair.

"We should talk about this in the morning, you're drunk." She whispered.

"No, I'm not." I tried to convince her. I looked up at her with a smirk on my face. I swear to god it was like having an angel staring back at me. I've never believed in much, but I believe she came from some form of my own personal heaven. As cheesy and cliched as it sounds.

I pulled her so she was straddling my lap and held onto her for dear life. Her fingers brushed against my beard. "I'm sorry too." She whispered. "I haven't been fair to you lately."

"Just talk to me, please." I begged her.

"I've just been locked inside my own head for a while now. I don't really know how to explain it. Everything has just finally caught up to me. My mom dying. The Kohn thing. Donna dying. The car accident." She ticked things off of an invisible list. It was an impressive list of pain too. "I keep reliving the Kohn thing in my head. Flashes of it flicker in and out when we are together sometimes and that's when I push you away."

"Why didn't you tell me this? Why keep it bottled up?"

"I'm supposed to be your old lady, a term by which I hate, because I'm not old nor do I act like a lady, but…" she rambled, even now, making me wanna kiss her, "I'm supposed to be strong for you, not burden you."

That line sounded a hell of a lot like my mother.

"Your problems and fears are mine. You're not burdening me by telling me how you feel. I want you to tell me what's going on. I can't read your mind and I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong."

"That's just it, it's not something you can just fix. It's me. I think I might be a little broken." She said, tears welling in her eyes.

"So I'll help you put the pieces back together. Screw my moms rule book on how to be an old lady. You don't fit into that mold, because you're one of a kind. Let me be strong enough for the both of us for a while." I held her face in my hands and without warning felt her lips press against mine gently.

 **A/N: Thank you for all of your reviews! This is a small filler chapter! Gonna start diving back into the next episode in the next chapter!**


	99. Chapter 99: Shooter

**Chapter 99**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

The sound of gunshots echoed loudly in my ears, one right after the other. Lena was having a blast shooting beer bottles with me and my dad behind Navy Street. When Deacon offered to teach me to shoot I asked if he'd teach Lena too. I thought we could have some fun and I'd know she could protect herself. Charming isn't the safe little town we always thought it out to be. Something told me New York City was safer at times.

We'd gone through Deacon's 'How To Shoot a Gun' bootcamp. He was a great teacher, surprisingly. He was patient when Lena and I both were confused as hell and bombarded him with questions. He started us both out with .22 pistol's because they were small and perfect for beginners. He didn't give us protective gear though because, "If you're in danger, you're not gonna have time to grab earmuffs and protective eyewear. You'll barely have time to grab a gun." His words exactly.

I could field strip a .22 in less than five minutes, which I was pretty proud of since we'd only had a few short lessons over the last few weeks. I didn't wanna expose the baby to too much of the sound of the gun firing. I read it's okay in small doses, so I wanted to be cautious. I'd bought a book, 'What To Expect When You're Expecting' and have since been paranoid about all of the things concerning this baby.

I read our baby could be born with a full set of teeth and woke Jax up out of a dead sleep. He just laughed and said, "Maybe the kid can pull a Twilight and chew and gnaw it's way out of my belly." I regretted making him binge watch those movies with me in that moment.

"That was fucking awesome! I just imagined shooting like ten ex boyfriends. All in the groin." Lena beamed beside me, jumping up and down excitedly. She'd emptied an entire mag of bullets trying to hit the beer bottle targets Deacon set up for us. She knocked over three of the bottles.

I laughed and clapped, impressed, and stepped away from her jumping around with a loaded gun in her hand. Maybe this wasn't the best idea for her?

"Safety." Deacon ordered behind us. He flicked his cigarette onto the ground and pointed at Lena as he stood up and walked over to us. He'd been letting us take turns having a little fun while he looked over paperwork for Navy Street.

"Is your dad always so bossy?" She sighed and put the safety on her gun.

"I heard that!" Deacon announced, taking the gun out of her hand.

"You were meant too!" She gave her best miss America pageant smile. It was hard to get my dad to break his strong façade, but Lena was working on it bit by bit.

Deacon walked inside the gym for a moment leaving us alone. Lena slung her arm over my shoulder and hugged me. "You know you're dad is looking rather DILFY today."

"Oh gross! That's my dad you weirdo!" I playfully shoved her away and she busted out laughing.

"I'd totally sleep with him." She had a completely straight face when she spoke too. My eyes about bulged out of my head as a feigned gagging. "What?! You have Jax. I want a biker too."

"I will disown you as my best friend and this baby's godmother if you talk about my dad like that again, perv!" I laughed.

Lena stuck her tongue out and wrapped her arms around me. "You love me!" She licked the side of my face causing me to squeal and playfully shove her away, even though she was holding onto me with a monkey like grip.

Someone wolf whistled catching our attention. Opie and Jax were standing in the doorway watching us. Opie sauntered outback followed by Jax. "You know what would make this even hotter?" Opie said, glancing at Jax, who gave him a warning glare, but smirked too.

I smirked at him, telling him to lighten up, he was always so protective/possessive when it came to me, which I loved. He wasn't possessive in the creepy way, but in the way that he wanted everyone to know that I was with him. If he caught one of the hang arounds at the club looking at me he'd pull me in close. Opie was just having some fun.

"If we were in bikinis and covered in chocolate." Lena shot out, surprising the hell out of Opie. He looked at her with his mouth gaping open. Lena looked at me and took my face in her hands dramatically, making me laugh. "Oh, Rowan take me now, I can't keep it in my pants when I'm around you!" She joked, leaning in and pecking me on the lips.

Opie was speechless and his face was reddening. He removed his beanie and scratched his head before securing it back in place.

We were both unable to hold back the uncontrollable laughter. "Hey, now, she's mine!" Jax wrapped his arms around me from behind playfully, growling in my ear and planting a tender kiss on it.

Things between us were still rocky, but we were spending more time together again and I was working myself back up to us having sex. I knew he wasn't happy about it still, but he was giving me space when I needed it, which only made me love him more. Telling him a half truth seemed to help get us back on track a little.

"She was mine first, Teller. You stole my best friend from me, maybe I'll just have to steal yours." Lena chimed in, planting her hands on her hips, glancing at Opie. She smiled at him and I watched Opie inadvertently move towards her. He liked her, that much was obvious. But he wasn't ready to act on it yet. Not after Donna.

I turned around to face Jax and felt his hand on the small of my back. He hadn't trimmed his beard in a few days so it was extra straggly and long today. I loved running my fingertips through it.

"How's it going, Bob Lee Swagger." Jax grinned, gesturing towards the targets.

"Ha ha." I rolled my eyes at his Shooter reference.

I let my hands rest on his neck. He smelled like the garage. Grease and oil. An earthy smell surrounded him as well from riding his bike. I loved those smells. If their were a Jax Teller candle I'd buy every single one. "We were just finishing up for today."

Jax held up a Sonic bag I hadn't noticed he'd been holding. "I brought you some fries." He grinned when I snatched the bag out of his hand.

"How did you know I was craving fries?!" I opened the bag and smelled the greasy salty goodness.

"When are you not craving fries." He chuckled, brushing my hair behind my ear as the wind blew it across my face.

I shoved fries in my mouth and closed my eyes savoring them. I'm always starving now, which isn't good for my post baby body, but I don't care. Fries are life at the moment. "Oh, I love you." I moaned, chewing more.

"I love you too." Jax chuckled. Was I talking to him or the fries?

"Yeah, you too." I smirked, causing him to wrap his arms around me and pull me into his chest.

Jax leaned in and pressed his warm lips against mine. He didn't take I had a mouthful of fries either and I loved him for that.

"Oh get a room!" Lena yelled from behind us, making us look at her. "I just got a brief mental picture of what you two would have looked like had you dated in high school and its seriously gross. Like I can picture you two holding hands at your locker and sneaking off under the bleachers. Date night at Franny's on Friday night after the game. Ugh, gag me." Lena put her finger in her mouth.

"They are pretty nauseating." Opie added.

"Right, always holding hands or kissing or touching." Lena kept on.

"God, constantly hearing him talk about her. I mean, I love you Rowan, don't get me wrong. But if I have to hear about how adorable you look when you're studying or sleeping any more than I already do I'm gonna stab myself." Opie said, making me laugh.

"Fuck you both." Jax flipped them the finger and we all laughed.

I turned back to Jax. "You talk about me?" I smiled sweetly.

"What? No. Maybe. A little." Jax fumbled through his words uncomfortable. He was embarrassed because Opie ratted him out.

"Try a lot." Opie corrected him grinning, enjoying making Jax uncomfortable.

I pressed my lips against Jax's, cradling his face with my free hand. "You're so sweet." I whispered loud enough just for him to hear. He clutched me tighter against him.

Jax guided me over to a stack of old tires and sat down on them, pulling me down on his lap with him. Opie and Lena were looking at the pistols we were practicing with now, done teasing us for the moment. Jax's hands were warm and rough as they rested on my bare legs.

I continued eating my fries as we sat there soaking up the sunshine. Today was a good day. I wanted to enjoy it. For a few hours I wanted to pretend everything was fine, that I wasn't lying to him.

"You got anywhere to be the rest of the day?" Jax questioned, running his hand up and down my back sending shivers down my spine.

I shook my head. "Nope. You're mom has Abel, I'm supposed to pick him up at the garage later today. She wanted to spend the day with him."

"What do you say we go for a ride. Just me and you. It's been a while since I've had you on the back of my bike." He looked up at me through thick golden lashes and melting my insides. "I thought maybe we could go up to the river."

"We haven't been there since our first date." I smiled, remembering the day. It was perfect. "Speaking of dates, we haven't been on anymore of those."

Jax pursed his lips and nodded. "You wanna go on a date with me today?"

I grinned, and chuckled. "Yes, I do."

Deacon walked outside just as I leaned down to kiss Jax. He cleared his throat, making me look at him. He was holding a box in his hands. "What's that?" I asked, curious. It was a rather large box.

"This is for you. I have some stuff in storage upstairs and had to go dig it out." He handed me the box as I got off Jax's lap. I sat it down on the table we had out back behind the building and opened it.

Nestled inside the box laid a pair of dusty old cowgirl boots. They were beautiful. Swirled designs were etched into the leather. They looked old and worn and just my size.

"They're gorgeous!" I hushed, holding one up, looking at Deacon.

"They were your momma's. She didn't like biker boots so I got her those. Same thing. I thought you might like to have them since you ride with Jax. They'll protect your legs better from the exhaust than those sneakers." He said pointing at my snake heads I had on now.

I slipped out of my sneakers and pulled the boots on immediately. They fit perfectly.

"Thank you!" I walked over and hugged him. "I can't believe you kept them all these years."

"I got a leather jacket that was you're momma's too, just can't find it. When we parted she made a point of giving it all back." Deacon sighed and lit a cigarette. "It's your turn, kid." He gestured toward the .22 lying on the table and the beer bottle targets.

Jax was standing beside me now as I picked up the gun. He hadn't seen me shoot yet. "Don't laugh at me." I warned him. He held his hands up in mock surrender and stood on my left while my dad stood on my right.

I heard Lena tell Opie to check this out.

Following Deacon's advice I planted my feet on the ground, with one foot slightly in front of the other. I held the pistol up with both hands and clicked the safety off. I set the first beer bottle in my sights and took a deep breath and let out as I squeezed the trigger. The sound of the gun going off rang in my ears along with the shattering of glass.

I hit all six beer bottles that were left standing before stopping. I put the safety back on the gun and looked over my shoulder to see a very shocked and stunned Jax.

His eyes met mine and he grinned. "Holy shit."

 **A/N: Hiya guys! Sorry it's been awhile! I'm trying to get back into the swing of updating again more frequently! As you may have noticed on Rowan's Instagram I changed her to Candice Accola instead of T Swift. I did this for a few reasons; I'd always picture Rowan in my head as Candice or Taylor when I first started writing this story, but I just don't think Taylor fits the SOA theme. Candice has that sweet nerdy look, but also the ability to look totally badass and I think she works more for Rowan. Feel free to imagine whoever you'd like though! : )**

 **I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I made it a little light hearted since some shits about to go down in the next one! Hehehe…**


	100. Chapter 100: Battle Cry

**Chapter 100**

 **Jax's Point of View**

It was a perfect day to head up to the river on the bike with Rowan. The air was warm when you were in the sun, but a little chillier in the shade. We'd spread a blanket out under some oak trees along the river bank when we arrived wanting to stay near the water. Rowan was looking over a textbook taking some notes for one of her classes while I sat on a nearby fallen tree log looking over an old Harley manual. I spent more time watching her, than actually looking at the damn manual. I couldn't help it though. It still baffled me sometimes how I got so lucky with her. She's everything I wanted in a girl. Funny. Smart. Courageous. Bold. Beautiful. Loyal. I could go on and on in my head.

I glanced up from the Harley manual on my lap and gazed over at her. She had her nose buried in her book, I smiled. She made reading a damn book look sexy as fuck and it turned me on. Dropping the manual onto the grass by my feet, I got up and walked over to her and sat down beside her. I couldn't handle not touching her any longer. I was still trying to give her space since she told me she's having issues with everything that happened with Kohn, but it was difficult. I never even thought about how all that could still be affecting her. Being touched by someone like that couldn't be an easy thing to forget or get over. My blood boiled just sitting here thinking about it all over again. Son of a bitch.

Rowan glanced at me and gave me a warm smile. "I'm almost finished taking these notes, then I'm all yours."

"Take your time. I'm not going anywhere." I assured her, leaning over and pressing a light kiss to her cheek. I let my chin fall to her shoulder and breathed in the scent of her shampoo. She always smelled like something fruity and it drove me insane.

I needed this, just time away from all the bullshit with her.

My eyes gazed down at her breasts inadvertently. They looked bigger that's for sure. This pregnancy definitely had some perks for me. "You know," I whispered in her ear as I tucked some hair behind it, "this whole pregnancy look, looks good on you."

Rowan scoffed and rolled her eyes, "Shut up. You're only saying that because my boobs went up a cup size. I hate to break it to you, babe, but that'll go away." She looked at me, pressing her forehead against mine playfully and laughing like a five year old.

"I think you look hot either way, but those are pretty great." I grinned, laughing, squeezing one of her boobs.

"You're such an idiot." Rowan laughed again and pushed my hand away, but my hand had a mind of its own as it cupped the side of her face and pulled her lips towards mine.

Kissing her lips felt like coming home after being on a run for too long. For me home wasn't four walls and a roof, it was two blue eyes, blonde hair and a smile that could stop me in my tracks.

After a few playful kisses Rowan resumed looking at her textbook. She was so focused it made me laugh. It also made me wonder what it would take to break that focus.

Challenge accepted.

I leaned over and tucked her hair behind her ear again and tenderly kissed her ear, nuzzling my nose against her neck. My lips made contact with her cool skin and I heard her breath hitch in her throat.

"What are you doing, Teller?" Rowan asked, accusingly, but also with a hint of playfulness. "I'm trying to finish studying."

"Am I distracting you?" I mumbled into her neck between kisses. My fingers found the front of her button up and slipped it off her shoulder, exposing more skin.

Rowan absentmindedly leaned her head to the side giving me better access. She let out a content sigh. "Nope. Not at all." I called bullshit on that. I had her completely flustered right now. I loved it. I loved being able to get her so worked up, she was hot as fuck when she was flustered. I smirked against her neck enjoying this, slipping the strap to her tank top down off her shoulder as well and grazed my fingers across her collar bone, I planted light kisses down her shoulder.

"Is that why you're flipping the pages in your book without reading a damn thing." I asked, lifting my head to meet her gaze. Only her eyes were closed and a content look was resting beautifully on her face. It faded quickly as her eyes shot open and she looked at me innocently.

"I'm a really fast reader." She chirped.

"Oh, really?" I smirked, completely turned on.

God. I wanted her so fucking much. It's been a month and a week since we've done more than making out. I feel like my dick is gonna fall off, but I'm trying to be the good guy. I'm trying not to fuck this up, which would be a lot easier if I could just fuck her.

"Can you hand me my bag, please? Make yourself useful." Rowan said, grinning.

I reached behind me and grabbed her bag. It was half open. The whole bottom of the bag was filled with empty chocolate candy wrappers. "Jesus. It looks like a candy cemetery in there."

Rowan couldn't help but laugh as she took the bag. She glanced inside before shoving her books in it. "I get hungry in class, okay! You're daughter is sucking the life force from my body. I have to refuel somehow."

"Hey, I like a girl that can eat." I grinned, slipping my hand around to the nape of her neck. I leaned in and kissed her.

Her hands found the sides of my neck and rested there. Slowly, I pushed her onto her back and settled beside her, resting my hand on her little belly.

Our lips broke apart as she let out a little yelp.

"Oh!" Her hands found her belly and she laughed. I felt the baby kicking like crazy. "I swear she's taking like ninja classes or something in there. She's been kicking me since we got off the bike."

"The kids already a Teller, she's already kicking ass and taking names." I joked. Rowan shook her head and grinned as I leaned down next to her belly, my lips mere inches away from my little girl growing inside. It was surreal to think about having a daughter on the way. I was still trying to find my footing with Abel, but I wouldn't change a thing. "Hey, little asskicker, go easy in there."

"Little asskicker?" Rowan chuckled, looking down at her belly and me.

"I think it fits." I smirked back.

"We probably should come up with a name for her, you know, just in case little asskicker doesn't stick."

I kissed her belly and sighed, resting back on my elbow next to her. "Fine. Any ideas?"

"Actually, yes! I've thought of so many, but I really like Raelynn, Rae for short. What about you? Have you thought of anything?" She gazed up at me through her golden lashes and ran the tips of her fingers through my beard.

"I really like that. It's beautiful. I was thinking Hayes, but now I'm thinking Raelynn Hayes Teller. It's gotta nice ring to it, don't you think?"

Rowan's smile said it all. "I love it! I think we found our name."

I grinned and leaned down and kissed her, pressing my lips against hers, working them over and over. I brushed my tongue against her lip and she granted me the access I desperately desired. I tightened the grip on the back of her neck slightly and deepened the kiss, our tongues dancing to the beat of our own song. It felt unnatural to be around Rowan and not have my lips somewhere on her body at all times. She was the same with me. Her hands had to be on me somewhere if we were within two feet of each other.

Opie can give me shit all he wants, but when I'm holding Rowan or she's holding me it's the only time I get a little reprieve from the madness.

Rowan's stomach growled rather obnoxiously, making me laugh as our lips broke apart once again.

"You know we should go get something to eat." She suggested, resting her hands on her belly. She was about twelve or thirteen weeks along now. Her belly was just beginning to pop. It looked cute as hell on her.

"Naturally, its only been two hours since your last feeding." I joked, dodging a smack to the shoulder.

"Shut up!" Rowan yelled, finally making contact and smacking me on the shoulder, hard, making me laugh even more.

Laughing doesn't come easy to someone like me, but when we're alone Rowan can make me do just about anything. Case and point, watching Twilight. Stupidest fucking movie ever. But I watched it to make her happy.

"I'm craving a big juicy steak and baked potato. Yes, I know, more potatoes. Baby Rae is on a potato kick here lately."

"I got a porter house for you right here, baby." I grabbed her hand and put it on my crotch with a cocky grin on my face.

"Oh my god. You truly are an idiot." Rowan laughed hysterically. Then she turned, forcing me to lay on my back. "Even though that does sound tempting." She said, biting her lip. There was a mischievous twinkle in her eye that I hadn't seen in quite a while. Her hand on my crotch crept up under my shirt and sweat jacket slowly, onto my stomach. My muscles tightened and relaxed instantly.

My dick twitched in my pants involuntarily. Jesus she's gonna kill me.

Our eyes stayed locked on one another for what felt like a really long time as she moved to straddle me. The bulge in my jeans was getting harder to control, especially now that she was pressed against me. Rowan leaned down and cradled my face in her hands as she kissed me. Her lips worked mine over painstakingly slowly. My hands found her thighs and rested there, kneading her skin. Our kiss broke apart but she never stopped kissing some part of me, my neck, my cheek, my ear.

It was driving me insane. I slipped her button up off her shoulders and tossed it to the side and ran my hands up the sides of her arms gently.

"I'm sorry things haven't been normal for us lately. I wanna make it up to you." She said, unzipping my jacket, never breaking eye contact.

"You don't have too." I replied, but my voice was husky and laced with need.

Rowan smiled. "I don't have too, I know. But I want too. I wanna make you feel as good as you make me feel. You've taken such good care of me, I wanna return the favor." She paused with her hands on my chest. A flicker of nervousness made itself known on her features. Her eyebrows knitted together as she searched for the right words to say. "I just don't exactly know what I'm doing when it comes to that. So tell me if I'm not doing something right, okay?"

"Babe, you could shoot me right now and I'd be completely okay with that." I insisted she could do no wrong. It was true. "You've got good instincts. Trust them. It'll come naturally."

She bit her lip and nodded moving down my body slightly. Her fingers found the button and zipper to my jeans. I laid back staring up at the trees above us. My body felt like a live wire just thinking about having her lips around my cock. My heart was pounding and every move she made get like it was enough to send me over the edge. I've had countless blowjobs before, but something told me they wouldn't be damn near as enjoyable as this one because I was getting it from Rowan. I've been living in blue ball hell for weeks and I was finally about to get some relief.

Rowan pushed my shirt up and kissed down my chest. My hand found her head and my fingers threaded in her hair. She unzipped my jeans and my eyes fluttered closed.

The sound of my phone ringing made them open again. Son of a bitch. Rowan's hands paused and I saw her reach for my cut.

"It's the porn hotline." Rowan alerted me as she handed me my phone from my cut.

"One second." I whispered holding up a finger, sitting up and kissing her. "Gimme one second and we can continue this." The phone continued to ring in my hand.

I knew the fact that it was Luanne calling had hit a nerve. I didn't like being involved in the porn industry any more than Rowan did, but it was business.

Rowan nodded her head, lowering her eyes, but stayed nestled on my lap.

Chibs was on the other end of the line. Apparently Clay sent Bobby up to CaraCara to help out with the books and shit and Luanne is throwing a fucking bitch fit about it. I told Chibs I'd be there soon and hung up.

Jesus Christ, Clay.

"What's wrong? Chlymidia outbreak?" Rowan smirked, twisting her hand into my shirt and then releasing it.

"No. Worse. Clay sent Bobby up to CaraCara and now Luanne is fucking freaking out because she doesn't want him there. I gotta go up there and put out this fire. I'm sorry, babe." I didn't bother to hide the disappointment in my own voice. I wanted nothing more than to stay right here all day with her. I don't even think I could move at the moment. I cradled the side of her face and couldn't help but notice the disappointment on her own face. "I'll drop you off at home."

"Or I could just come with you. Maybe we can still salvage the day afterwards." She gave me a hopeful smile.

"Yeah?" I returned it.

"Yeah." She nodded, leaning in and kissing me.

 **Rowan's Point of View**

When I told Jax I'd go with him to CaraCara I wasn't sure what to expect. We pulled up to a normal looking warehouse building with the name 'CaraCara Studios' etched onto the side of the building. It looked like any other business from the outside. That sort of eased my nerves a little bit. I knew this venture was what the club needed right now, but I didn't have to personally like it or the fact that my boyfriend was involved with it. But I was trying to be supportive and show Jax and maybe myself that I could handle this.

Jax shut of his bike and climbed off, I followed suit. He took his helmet off and rested it next to mine on the seat. "I'll wait here." I said, not sure I was just quite ready to see what was going on inside just yet. Baby steps.

"I'll be five minutes. Promise." Jax turned to head inside, but quickly turned back around to face me and grabbed my hip pulling me into him and planting a kiss on my lips.

A big grin formed on my face as he smirked and then walked away. I watched him put his black baseball cap on backwards as he walked and felt my heart literally melting. I ached for him. Every part of me was in love with every part of him.

I sat down on the edge of Jax's bike and waited trying not to let my mind wonder about what was going on behind those doors a few feet away.

A few minutes late a white Lexus flew into the parking lot. The license plate read "PORNSTR" and I instantly wanted to vomit. Ima. She got out of the car, wearing shorts that barely covered anything and a crop top that showed her perfectly toned stomach. I glanced down at my baby belly and placed my hand over it feeling self conscious.

Ima's eyes caught mine and she smirked. "Shouldn't you be polishing that bike, sweetie. Jax likes it nice and shiny!"

I almost said, "Shouldn't you be sucking dick right now." But refrained.

I watched her walk inside and instantly felt my blood begin to boil beneath my skin. I've never hated anyone in my entire life, but I hated her.

Before I could think of a way to make Ima's death look like an accident Gemma's Escalade pulled onto the lot. I walked over to her as she was getting out of the car. "Where's Abel?" Gemma was watching him.

"Deacon took over baby duty." Gemma said, shutting her car door.

The roar of two motorcycles filled the air as Clay and Tig pulled onto the lot as well.

Clay got off his bike and he didn't look like he was in a pleasant mood. "What the hell you doing here?" Clay yelled at Gemma.

"Luanne called. She's freaking out over this Bobby thing." Gemma removed her sunglasses and started heading for the door.

"That's club business." Clay stated coldly. As in Gemma wasn't supposed to interfere with club business.

"She's my friend. She needs to talk." Gemma stated. She glared at Clay as he sauntered towards her.

"So, when she wants to talk, you what? Drop everything." Clay hissed, narrowing his eyes at her.

Gemma shook her head and scoffed. "Jesus Christ, Clay. What are you, three?" She turned on her heel, leaving him behind and continued to head inside.

Clay stormed past me and picked up one of the cement blocks that was lying next to the building and hurled it through Gemma's car window in a pure fit of rage. The glass shattered and went everywhere.

"You asshole!" Gemma yelled, whipping around and coming back towards Clay. "You stupid piece of shit!"

Things were escalating rapidly. Tig was just sitting on his bike watching this unfold in front of us. Clay was out of control and out of his mind. I ran inside CaraCara to find Jax. I was not prepared for all of the half naked women running around in thongs and pasties, that wasn't what knocked the wind out of me though. Jax sitting on a sofa with his arm around Ima and hand on her thigh sure as hell did though.

I chewed on my jaw as I pushed past the porn sluts and marched over to him. He spotted me and jumped up, quickly, along with Ima. She glared at me and smirked, victoriously almost, standing in front of Jax like she owned him. "He's occupied, honey. Why don't you wait outside like you were told."

"Why don't you get the fuck out of my face before I shove my boot up your ass!" I snapped. Jax stepped between us, grabbing my arms, pushing me back.

"She's out of her mind." He whispered. I pulled away from him and headed towards the door.

"She's not the only one. Clays out front putting on a show with your mom. It's getting out of control." I explained to Jax as he followed me out front. I couldn't even look at him though. Why was he touching her like that? He had no reason to be that close to her. It was ridiculous and absurd.

We walked outside to see Clay punching the hood of Gemma's SUV with his bare knuckles. "Just what those arthritic mitts need, a good pounding!" Gemma yelled, bordering on hysterical.

"You wanna see a good pounding!?" Clay whipped around so fast and stormed towards her causing her to step backwards.

Jax stepped in front of me and held out his arm to keep me from intervening. He was trying to gauge whether he needed to intervene. I voted yes.

"Come on, badass, lay hands on me!" Gemma cried out. That's when I realized she was actually crying. She didn't need this bullshit right now.

Clay took a step towards her and in that second I thought he was going to actually hit her. My insides recoiled. I felt nauseated, but also found myself stepping forward to intervene, hitting Jax's arm.

Jax moved and was between them in a heartbeat pushing Clay back.

"You are pathetic!" She cried over Jax's shoulder at Clay, stumbling away from him and over next to the building.

I made my way towards her and put my arms around her even though it's probably the last thing she wants right now.

"What are you doing?!" Jax yelled, but Clay blew it off and got back on his bike, leaving as quickly as he came.

Tig followed suit not long after.

"I'm alright." Gemma said, gently pulling away from me.

Tears were still flowing down her cheeks steadily. She squeezed my hand before letting it go and walking out into the parking lot away from us a little ways.

Jax stared after his mom, debating on checking on her, but decided against it and came to my side instead. "You okay?" He touched my arm and I glared at him. "Let me take you home."

"I'm gonna stay and take care of your mom. Why don't you go back inside and comfort the porn slut. I'm sure she's really shaken up." I snapped.

"Inside with Ima wasn't what it looked like." Jax mumbled, shaking his head. He knew I was pissed and nothing he could say right now was going to make me anything less. "You know what, screw it. You're gonna think what you want no matter what I say so, fuck it."

"I'll find my own way home." I told him before walking off towards Gemma.

- **SOA** -

After Gemma and I had cleaned most of the glass out of her car we drove back to TM together. I was sitting on the couch with my feet up holding Abel. His back rested against my knees, his little hands were gripping my fingers. He was starting to fuss so I picked him up and stood up, rocking him on my shoulder a bit. Gemma was sitting at the desk like a statue.

I dug through my bag and found the urine sample container Cara had given me. "I almost forgot. We need to run another HIV test." I tossed her the container and she caught it.

She stood up and stared at the container.

"You wanna talk about what happened with Clay?" I asked, hesitant. Gemma was like a deer, any sudden movements might spook her and she'd run.

"We haven't had sex since it happened." She answered honestly, looking directly at me.

"It makes sense, Gemma. Plus, you're still healing. Jax and I are having the same issue…" I told her reluctantly.

"Pussy isn't my problem. It's my head."

"Mine too." I added quietly. "It's gonna take time. What happened isn't something you're just going to wake up and be over."

"I need something." Gemma sighed, leaning against her desk. "Clay hates me."

"Gemma, Clay doesn't hate you. He doesn't understand what's happening. Jax erupted just like that, well not like that, but similar. You have to talk to him. Find a way to make him understand what's happening."

Gemma headed into the bathroom without saying a word.

I rubbed Abel's back gently and felt his hand smack me in the mouth. I fake chewed on his fingers as I heard a motorcycle roaring outside. I walked over to the open door and saw it was Jax…with Ima on the back of his bike.

I watched as he parked his bike and they got off. I watched as Ima leaned in and kissed him on the lips and he let her. It felt like someone had thrown a brick through my heart. Tears stung my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.

"You okay with that rubbing on Jax?" Gemma spoke from behind me.

"No. No, I'm not." I whispered. "Can you take Abel, please." Gemma nodded and I handed him over to her.

I walked out of the office and crossed my arms over my chest. Jax spotted me as Ima walked away towards the clubhouse. He made his way towards me as I made my way towards my car shaking my head and cursing his name under my breath the entire way.

"Rowan!" Jax called after me.

I ignored him and tried to unlock my door. Jax grabbed the keys, making me look at him. "Just business, huh?"

"It's not…Luanne asked me to give her a little attention. It doesn't mean anything." Jax explained, searching my face.

"You're an asshole." I whispered, so angry I could barely speak. "She just fucking kissed you and you did nothing to stop her! Don't tell me that didn't mean something!"

"It was just a stupid peck on the lips. It didn't mean anything." Jax reiterated. "I love you. I'm with you. You don't have to worry."

I shook my head and wiped the tears falling down my cheeks quickly. "I love you, so much, Jax." My bottom lip quivered as I stepped closer to him. "But I'm starting to think you love the idea of me. You love the idea of me. You love the idea of having the girl to come home to late at night, but you also love the attention you get from the croweaters too. No matter where you are you're never alone, I think that's you're biggest fear. But you don't get to have the best of both worlds, Jax."

"I'm not trying to have the best of both worlds." Jax snapped at me. "I love you for Christ sake."

"You love me, but you don't respect me, our relationship, enough to put a stop that bullshit! I don't give a shit if it's a favor to Luanne! This is why I have a hard time trusting." I yelled. I swung my car door open and got inside, only for Jax to grab it before I could slam it shut.

He looked over his shoulder at the guys waiting in the garage for him and then back at me. "We're not finished talking about this."

"Well, I've said about all I have to say."

"Jackie boy! Let's go!" Chibs hollered from inside the garage. Jax glanced over his shoulder, but didn't move.

"Am I gonna see you later at the wrap party?" Jax asked, handing me my keys back. "I wanna see you later." He stared at me, reaching over and caressing my cheek. "Gimme a kiss."

My eyes bulged out of my head and I half laughed. "If you think I'm kissing you right now, you're delusional."

"I don't wanna leave things like this, but I gotta go handle some shit." Jax leaned inside and kissed my cheek. "I'm not playing games, Ro. I chose you. I chose to start a life with you."

 **A/N: Thanks for being so patient guys! This is the 100th chapter! Let me know what you think in the reviews!**


	101. Chapter 101: CaraCara

**Chapter 101**

 **Jax's Point of View**

Looking over my shoulder I watched as Rowan drove off the lot as I walked into the garage. My insides felt so ripped up I wanted to punch something or someone. It was killing me that I'd hurt her, again. Ima caught me off guard when she kissed me. I wasn't even expecting it, nor did I want it, but I had no time to react. Luanne wanted me to give her a little attention because Ima still thinks Georgie is after her. I didn't wanna do it to begin with, but I went along with it anyway. Fuck. Maybe Rowan is right. Maybe I like having her and having the croweaters fawning all over me? No. I don't actually. Half the time it's annoying as fuck and I just wanna be left alone.

"What was that all about? Rowan looked pissed as hell st you." Opie asked, looking up over the engine he was working on.

"It was nothing." I snapped, sitting down on one of the work benches and lighting a cigarette.

"Fine, don't tell me. I already know anyway. And by the way…" Opie walked over and punched me in the arm, hard, knocking the cigarette I'd just lit out of my hand.

"Dude? What the fuck?" I snapped, grabbing the cigarette off the ground. "How the fuck do you know what's going on in my relationship and I don't even know."

"Lena texted me and told me to get you under control. Ima? Really, man? I thought we went over this shit." Opie shook his head and walked back over to the engine and picked up a wrench. "Things too good for you so you just have to fuck it up?"

Wait a second. Lena and Opie are texting each other? That's new and quite annoying for me at the moment. Least I know where Rowan is right now. Venting to Lena. I was kinda starting to sense some vibes coming from Lena and Opie, but it didn't seem like Opie was ready to take it anywhere just yet. Donna has been gone for awhile though.

"I didn't think you and Lena were at the texting stage in your relationship." I turned the tables back on him for punching me in the fucking arm like a dickhead.

Opie dropped the wrench in his hand and glared at me, confused and looking almost a little guilty. "What relationship? She watches my kids sometimes, that's the only reasons she has my number, asshole." I know it's totally bullshit because he's constantly on his phone. This explains so much.

I smirked and sat back down on the work bench, sighing. "I don't know how to unfuck this shit up, man."

"Well, for starters, try not kissing Ima or any other chick." Opie stated the obvious. I flipped him the finger and took a hit off my smoke. "Rowan just needs to know that you're in it for the long haul man. She's carrying your kid and taking care of the other one and she sees you rubbing on some other chick, it's gonna cause some problems."

"I tell her all the time they don't matter and that I'm not into any of them. It doesn't do any good. She's so insecure and the accident, her scar, being pregnant, it's just made it worse."

Opie put down the wrench in his hand and picked up a rag to wipe his hands, looking at me. "Show her, man. Fuck her. Buy her a ring. Get her name tattooed on your arm or some shit. Prove to her that you're not just dicking her around."

Maybe Opie had a point. I needed to find a way to show Rowan that I was committed. The flirting between me and Ima was nothing and it sure as fuck wasn't going any further than flirting either. I didn't like it, but it was business. It was a stupid peck on the lips.

Deacon, Chibs, Clay and Tig wondered into the garage and closed the doors behind them.

"You hear anything from captain America yet?" Deacon asked, referring to Hale.

It turns out cigar kingpin Zoebelle has a history with MC's, and destroying them. He came in here with a cocky threat and no fear a few weeks back. Guy thinks because he owns a nice suit and tie he's better than us. Dipshit is full on Aryan. He's into all the white power bullshit. It's starting to look like Zoebelle shit in Hale's ear and captain america is on his side. Zoebelle is trying to get Darby to push crank through the mills north of here. That shit doesn't fly in our town. We agreed to tell Hale where Darby is cooking his shit and see if he does anything about it. If he doesn't he's working with Zoebelle.

"Not yet." I replied, lighting another cigarette. I was chain smoking and didn't give a shit.

"I saw Rowan leave outta here in a hurry. Everything okay?" Deacon questioned, sitting down beside me, making the work bench whine under his added weight.

"We're having a thing. It's fine." I muttered, wanting to believe it really would be fine.

"What kind of thing?" Deacon prodded again.

"Enough, you can play daddy of the year later." Clay snapped, "We got bigger shit to worry about. Like blowing up Darby's cook shop if Hale don't come through."

My phone vibrated in my pocket, making me dig it out of my jeans. "It's Hale." I said, getting up and answering it.

"Your info was bogus. There's nothing out by the streams." Hale said then hung up the phone.

Son of bitch.

Everyone was staring at me, waiting for an answer.

"Get the boom." It was gonna be busy fuckin night.

 **Rowan's Point of View**

After talking with Lena I went back to TM to pick up Abel and Gemma's urine sample. We dropped it off at St. Thomas and then headed home. Gemma offered to watch Abel tonight so I could go to CaraCara with Lena and talk to Jax. I didn't wanna fight with him, but I needed him to understand that what happened was not okay. It hurt seeing his arm around her, of all people, it hurt seeing his hand on her thigh, it killed me seeing her lips touch his. For a moment I literally saw red and wanted to hit her and him with the car.

"Nice turn out for a porn party." Lena muttered as we walked towards the CaraCara Studio building. The doors were propped open letting the music blast outside. People were spilling out of the open doors and partying in the parking lot too.

I sighed and bit my lip, looking for Jax. He was nowhere in sight out here, which meant he was probably inside. I'm not gonna lie, I was dreading walking inside. Especially seeing all of these porn stars dressed in stuff that hardly covered their asses. Abel and Rae will never be around any of this. If they are it'll be over my dead body.

Lena and I walked through the double doors, gently making our way around people. Some were dancing, others were making out, among other things, but most were drinking and talking. None of this bothered Lena or me really.

"This is a closed party, sweetheart." Someone called out from behind me. My eyes practically rolled into the back of my head at the sound of Ima's voice.

I turned on my heel to see her staring at me with her hands on her hips. She had on a skin tight blue halter top dress. It was taking everything in me not to yank her stupid hoop earrings out of her ears. At this rate if she keeps talking, I just might.

"I'm looking for Jax." I said, stepping towards her.

"Trust me, he's got all he can handle tonight." Ima smirked, stepping forward, getting in my face. Her eyes roamed down over my jean jacket and little black button up dress I'd got from Hollister. "You should really be watching your weight, honey. Jax has a type. Skinny and blonde. Right now you're only one of those."

Lena laughed beside me, stepping forward, joining in on this now. Ima glared at her viscously. "Who the hell are you?" She asked, smacking her gum between her lips.

"You're worst nightmare, bitch. You're roots are showing, just an FYI." Lena pointed to Ima's hair, which was naturally brunette. Obviously she died it blonde.

"You two skanks can get the hell out of here!" Ima hissed, shoving her face in mine. I didn't back down or budge an inch. I noticed all of Ima's girlfriends watching us though. They all looked at me like I didn't belong here. Like I didn't deserve to be here. I had more of right then they ever would. "Run on home to mommy…" Ima baited me, and I took it.

I grabbed a cup of beer out of someone's hand nearby and tossed it in her face and slammed the cup down on the ground. "That's for using my mothers death as a joke!"

I reared my hand back and slapped her in the face, hard, with nails. I'd hit her harder than I thought because when she lifted her head and looked at me horrified there was blood coming out of her nose. I didn't care though I was so pissed off my blood and bones were on felt like they were on fire. I grabbed her by the chin and made her look at me. "That's for trying to sleep with Jax. He's mine. Stay the fuck away from him!"

Ima had tears in her eyes from where I hit her. She tried to shove me back by slamming her hands into my shoulders, but I grabbed her by the side of the hair and pulled her down to my level. "If I ever see you around my club again or Jax I'll destroy you and everything you've worked so hard for here at the cum factory. Understand?"

"You can't keep me away! All you are is a knocked up little princess that needs to be knocked off her high horse!" Ima yelled, pulling out of my grip and stumbling back.

"Watch me!" I hissed. "Me? A princess, no. Sweetheart, I'm the queen. Especially in Jax's eyes!"

She got back in my face within seconds though, but Lena intervened and shoved her back this time. "Unless you want those fake tits popped I'd take a step back, bitch!"

"Rowan!" I heard Jax's voice behind me and glanced over my shoulder to see him making his way through the crowd towards me. I hadn't realized this many eyes were on me.

The girls stared at me like I had three fish heads. My adrenaline was pumping making the sound of the music vibrate in my ears. I felt my cheeks warm slightly from embarrassment of what I'd just done. I glared at all of them, then made a beeline for the bathroom.

 **Lena's Point of View**

"Fuck with my best friends family or happiness one more time and you'll have me to deal with. I don't slap or pull hair either." I shoved this Ima chick back towards her little posse of slutty little losers.

I was about to go after Rowan when Jax and Opie walked up beside me.

"What the hell just happened?" Jax demanded, looking at me and Ima. "What the fuck did you do now?" He growled at Ima. He clenched his jaw shut, shaking his head. Ima flee'd past me along with a few of her little girlfriends.

Jax spun around and set his sights on me. "What happened? Where's Rowan?"

"She probably went to the bathroom. What just happened is your girlfriend just cleaned up you're little mess. Stop being a little man hoe and go get your girl!" I snapped at him, grabbing him by the shoulders and spinning him in the direction of the bathroom.

Rowan and Jax belonged together. I knew it the moment I saw them together for the first time. Jax needs her softer side and she needs his edgier one. I watched all through high school while asshole after asshole ditched her because she wasn't a cheerleader or popular or because she didn't put out. That was my department. Rowan is finally in with the out crowd.

Jax took off in search of Rowan leaving me standing in a crowded room next to Opie. I looked up at him and slipped my hands in the back pockets of my shorts. "Those two are so gonna be married someday!"

Opie chuckled and took a sip of his beer. "I told Jax he met his wife they first time I saw em' together."

"Looks like you're the best man and I'm the maid of horror then." I grinned, looping my arm through his. Opie stiffened at my touch, almost making me remove my arm, almost. I let it linger just to see what he'd do. His eyes roamed over my arm around his and then found my eyes. "How about you get me a drink?"

Opie was still grieving the loss of his wife, I wasn't delusional. But I wasn't giving up on him.

 **A/N: THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! Ya'll are too sweet! I hope you liked the Ima showdown. I tried to keep it kinda tame because Ro is preggers. Lol.**


	102. Chapter 102: Vulnerable & Insecure

**Chapter 102**

 **Jax's Point of View**

Rock music pulsed through the air as I made my way towards the bathroom in search of Rowan. Her and Ima throwing down was the last thing I wanted to happen, but fuck if it wasn't hot as hell. It was my fault though. I felt like an asshole for pushing Rowan to this point. I knocked on the bathroom door and opened it, peeking my head inside. "Rowan?"

"I need a minute." She snapped at me, clearly not okay. She was leaning against the sink with her head lowered.

I walked inside, letting the door close behind me. Rowan snapped her head up and glared at me. "How much of that did you see?" Her voice was shaky and her face was red from embarrassment.

"I saw all of it." I answered honestly. I was doing my best to ignore the twitch in my dick thinking about it.

Rowan lowered her head again. I walked over to her and placed my hand on her back only for her to pull away from me. It killed me to know she didn't want me to touch her. It killed me to know that I sent her to this place, this state. "Come on, Ro. You can't let her get to you." She was better than this.

"Like she doesn't get to you." Rowan snapped, her nose scrunching up because she was so angry. "I'm not stupid, Jax! I know what you see when you look at me vs when you look at those other girls." Tears brimmed her eyes. Her whole body shook with anger. I'd tell her how cute she looks if I didn't think she'd punch me in the face right now.

When Rowan looks at herself in the mirror she sees a broken mess. She sees the loss of her mother. The weight she's gaining from being pregnant. The scar left behind from the accident. She had no fucking idea what I saw when I looked at her. I wish she could because then she'd know exactly how insanely in love I am with her. . . I see how strong she is for getting up everyday and moving foreword after losing her mom in the most heartbreaking way. I see how absolutely adorable she looks when she's eating and her face looks like a chipmunk. I see her with her hair in a messy bun sitting in bed reading her textbooks with seven different kinds of candy bags surrounding her and a gummy worm stuck to her shirt. I see her holding my son acting silly as can be just to make him smile. Speaking of smiles, she has a fucking smile that will bring me to my knees.

The way she looks when we're having sex guts me. The pure ecstasy on her face. Her tiny whimpers and moans sound like a symphony in my ears. Her touch can set my world on fire.

She had no fucking clue how much I wanted her. I always want her. It's been pure torture not to be inside of her these last few weeks. The ache I have for her only grows every single day.

I screwed up, I'm gonna own up to that. "Rowan, all of this is just business."

"You're so full of shit!" She yelled, slamming her hands into my chest, barely shoving me back. She huffed loudly, I think the fact that she hardly moved me, pissed her off more.

Her palms slammed into my chest again and I took a few steps back, clenching my jaw shut. If I didn't do something I was gonna lose her. What I'd do if I lost her was unimaginable. Without thinking I grabbed her with both hands around the neck and pressed my lips against hers, completely shocking her, pushing her back, slamming us both against the wall. My lips crashed into hers as hard as possible. I sucked and nipped at her lips aggressively.

When I pulled back we were both panting and out of breath.

For a moment I thought she was going to tell me to piss off, but inside she gave me a seductive smirk and grabbed my button up shirt and ripped it open, slamming her lips against mine. I smirked against her lips and got lost in her kiss. Her hands worked my cut off my shoulders, I heard it hit the floor. I slipped my left hand down her shoulder and around to the palm of her back and pulled her tight against my chest, letting my hard on hit her. She gasped against my cock rubbing against her stomach. I yanked her jean jacket off her shoulders and tossed it on the floor all the while keeping my lips locked tightly on hers. Rowan's hands slipped up into my hair, her fingers threaded through it.

"Wrap your legs around me." I breathed out, sliding my hands down around her thighs, picking her up. She did as I said and locked her legs around my waist and moaned when my erection hit her.

My hips bucked into hers and she squeezed her legs around me tighter. I need to get inside of her and soon or I was gonna fucking explode. It's been way to long and every little touch is sending shivers down my spine and pleasure coursing through my veins. I carried her over to the vanity to our left and wedged her against the corner. My fingers deftly unbuttoned the front of her dress, revealing her full tits in a black lace bra. Rowan's lips attacked my jaw, neck, chest savagely. We kept clawing at each other because it still just didn't feel like we were close enough.

Rowan pulled her arms out of her dress and unbuckled my belt, while I reach around her bare back and unhooked her bra. She groaned, frustrated when she couldn't get my belt off. I laughed, "I've got it. Hang on."

"I want you!" She panted in my ear, sucking on my earlobe. Her light lips planted kisses down my neck. I had my belt off and jeans unbuttoned in record time.

I caressed her cheek with one hand as I kissed down her neck slowly. My other pulled her bra off and immediate palmed her breast. Rowan's hips bucked into mine and she moaned, leaning her head to the side to give me better access to her neck. I sucked on her pulse point, biting it. I squeezed her breast and twisted it gently in my hand, feeling her nipple go hard and form into a peak. I kissed down to her breast taking it in my mouth, sucking.

"Jax! Oh god, I need you. Fuck me, please." She whimpered out. It was music to my ears and only spurred me forward.

"You don't have to beg for it." I smirked at her.

She reached down and lowered my pants and boxers as I ran my hands down the backs of her thighs and then removed her snake heads. My dick was throbbing for her at this point. I glided my hand up her thigh and slid her panties out of the way. She locked her hands around my neck in anticipation. She was already so fucking set I just slid right in, filling her completely.

Rowan's head fell back against the wall as I buried my face in her neck.

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Jax slowly, torturously, slid in and out of me, making me whine and buck my hips into his. God. How the hell I went a month with him inside of me, I'll never fucking know. I forgot how good he felt. How good he made me feel. My bones felt like they were on fire, even though I had chills running down my spine. Jax gripped the side of my neck, letting his fingers tangle in my hair in the process, slowly pushing in and out of me rhythmically.

"Your so fucking tight." He whispered against my ear, then bit it. Jolts of pleasure and pain shot straight to my core. His hand fell from my neck to my breast and I moaned, taking my fingernails down the front of his chest. His hand fell between my legs and I felt him rubbing small quick circles into my clit.

It's not long before I'm on the verge of losing it all. Jax continues to bring my body to life and I can't hold on. All of the strings inside of me snap and I unravel completely. I let out a breathy scream and my hips buck wildly as I explode. At one point my head falls back, holding Jax's head against my neck. When I open my eyes I can't quite focus on anything, except it looks like the bathroom door is open. I'm so lost in us I don't even give a shit. Wet waves of release roll through me.

Jax is like a tidal wave that saved me from everything.

Forcing myself to focus I notice Ima standing in the doorway, staring at us, furiously. She catches my eye and I smirk, because she finally gets to see that Jax is completely and utterly mine.

"Harder. Please. God. Jax." I call out as Ima flees from the door.

"Fuck, Rowan." Jax chokes out. His hips roll, pushing himself deeper into me. I'm vaguely aware of him swelling and pulsing. Vaguely aware of myself as I clench and spasm around him. Jax's muscles tense as he grips my body tighter. I wrap my arms around him and hold him as we both rock through our orgasms together. His first, my second.

Jax rests his head against my shoulder as both our muscles slowly release and relax. He started to pull out, but I stopped him. "Don't. Don't leave me."

Jax pressed his forehead against mine. "Never."

After a few moments of just holding each other Jax lifts his head and our eyes meet. He tucks some damp hair behind my ear and caresses my cheek. He leans in and presses a kiss right on the scar on my jaw. "You're so fucking beautiful."

My senses come back to me bit by bit. The weight of our fight has lifted slightly, but it's still there. "Jax, I-"

"I'm sorry." He interjects. His blue eyes search mine frantically. "I'm so fucking sorry. You were right, I should have made it clear to Luanne that entertaining Ima wasn't even an option. I love you and I do respect you. I don't wanna fuck this up, but sometimes that's just what I do. I sabotage things because I'm afraid of losing them to begin with."

"Jackson…" I breath out, holding his face in my hands. The hairs from his beard tickle the palms of my hands. "The only way you're gonna lose me is if you keep doing stupid shit."

"You're still getting used to all this club shit. I'm still getting used to you. To having something worth not fucking up." The vulnerability in Jax eyes was enough to bring tears to my own. "You have to believe me when I say that I'm not gonna fuck up what we have. Not on purpose."

"I know…" I whispered, running my hands down his bare chest. He still had his shirt on so I slipped my hands around to his back and down onto his ass and back up again.

"I have a lot of insecurities, Jax. More than I thought. I try to take it, but I can't and I shouldn't have too. But I hate that I'm not confident enough to just take them throwing themselves at you in stride-" verbal word vomit continued to fall out of my mouth without my consent.

Jax pulled out of me slowly, kissing me the entire time. He pulled his boxers and jeans back up and buttoned them.

"I like you're insecurities…" Jax said against my lips. "If I have to tell you every single day how much I want you and how much I love you, I will. Nothing and no one is ever going to change the way I feel about you."

Jax grabbed a few paper towels and wiped between my thighs. He tossed the paper towels in the trash and handed me my bra off the floor. Once I got it back on he buttoned my dress back up for me. I couldn't believe we just fucked in the bathroom with all of those people outside. I let out a laugh and shook my head while Jax retrieved my shoes.

"We just had sex in a bathroom at a porn party." I laughed again.

Jax grinned. "It's kinda poetic."

Jax slipped my shoes on and I hopped off the counter.

"Take a minute and fix your hair. You're the picture of what getting fucked looks like right now." Jax smirked, proudly. He helped me shrug back into my jacket and kissed my cheek. "I'll be right outside the door."

Jax finished buttoning his shirt and shrugged his cut back on, then left the bathroom.

I looked at myself in the mirror. What little makeup I had on was smeared, so I just washed it off. I ran my fingers through my hair a few times, loving that Jax was the one to turn it into a wavy mess. I used a bracelet on my wrist and pulled it up into a messy bun. That was as good as I was gonna get.

I walked out of the bathroom and Jax wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we walked back towards the party.

"Let me take you home." Jax said over the loud music.

I turned into him and gazed up at him. His eyes were only on me. He had plenty of other women to look at too. "You should stay. Hang out with Opie for a bit."

Jax eyebrows arched. "Yeah?"

After putting Ima in her place and having her walk in on us something told me she might have got the message to steer clear of Jax. The rest fell on whether or not I could trust Jax.

"I trust you." I said, and I meant it. "But," I slid my hand down the front of his chest slowly, slipping over his belt buckle, all the way down onto his crotch, grabbing it. Jax made a noise in the back of his throat and gripped my hip tighter in surprise. "If it ends up somewhere it's not supposed to be, I'll cut it off." I grinned, innocently.

"Ha ha…" Jax coughed out as I gripped him a little tighter. "I have no doubt that you will." He leaned down and whispered in my ear. "If you keep holding me like that we're going back in the bathroom because I am nowhere near through with you. I've got a month to make up for."

I smiled, releasing my hand and stepping back. "I'll see you at home."

I turned on my heel and headed out of the party. Lena drove here herself so I wasn't worried about her getting home. As I was walking out I noticed a lot of the girls moved out of my way. It was almost like they were a little intimidated. Good. Ima was standing at the door. "Did you enjoy the show?" I asked, smirking, walking past her.

 **A/N: I hope I did that bathroom scene justice! Lol! Thank you for all your reviews and comments, it's honestly the highlight of my days! Rowan has staked her claim on Jax and I think he sorta redeemed himself slightly by being so open and vulnerable. Do you guys want me to keep adding more sex stuff? Do you guys like when I name the chapter? I might stop doing that because half the time I don't know what to title the chapter lol. Let me know whatcha think!**


	103. Chapter 103: You're Old Lady

**Chapter 103**

 **Jax's Point of View**

 **A FEW DAYS LATER**

Rowan had her arms wrapped around me and her head tucked under my chin as the water from the shower poured down on us. I cradled the back of her head with my hand, while the other rubbed her bare back. "We should probably get out of the shower." I chuckled, kissing the top of her head tenderly.

"Nope." Rowan squeezed me tighter. "It's too warm and cozy in here." She tilted her head up to look at me smirking, making me cradle her face in my hands. I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers. Her hands roamed down over my ass and back up my back, sending a shudder down my spine.

Since the incident with Ima at CaraCara a few days ago things between us have finally seemed to shift back to how they used to be for the most part. We've had sex one other time since we fucked in the bathroom at CaraCara. We were making progress.

"It's like a sauna in here. I'm finished. Take your time though." I kissed her again making her smile. She grabbed the shampoo bottle to get ready and wash her hair.

Rowan turned away from me so I could step out of the shower, giving me a full view of her ass. Planting a kiss on her shoulder, I let my hand slide down over her ass and gave it a light squeeze.

"Get out of here!" Rowan squealed, playfully hitting me.

I laughed, stepping out of the shower. God. Being away from her for even a day to go on this gun run was gonna be fucking pure hell. I grabbed a towel and dried off, wrapping it around my waist. Rowan was humming something to herself in the shower, that's when I knew whatever dark current that's been pulling her under these last few weeks has finally let up.

Rowan slid the shower door open unexpectedly while I was staring. "Will you pop me a waffle in the toaster oven, please?" She singsonged.

"Sure." I grinned. She smiled and went back to finishing her shower.

Listening for Abel I headed into the bedroom and pulled on a pair of boxers and jeans, then headed into the kitchen and popped a frozen blueberry waffle into the toaster oven. I waited for it to cook and wrapped it in a paper towel before heading back into the bedroom.

Rowan walked out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel. "Your waffle, my lady." I handed it to her with a smirk.

I grabbed my shirt off the bed and pulled it on and then my sweatshirt. I was standing at the dresser putting on my rings when I felt Rowan's hand slide across my back as she walked up beside me. I glanced at her to see her taking a huge bite of her waffle and damn if it didn't make my heart swell. My girl looked fucking beautiful standing in a towel eating a waffle. Not a trace of makeup on her face. She was beauty incarnate.

"So how long will you be gone?" Rowan asked. I turned to face her and rested my hands on her hips. This would be the first time we've been apart since we became us.

"I should be back sometime tomorrow night." I reassured her.

She nodded, but seemed a little apprehensive. I didn't know if her mind was going to what happened in Nevada the last time I left or if it was something else. Reaching up, I tucked some wet hair behind her ear. "You gonna be okay staying here by yourself?"

"I've stayed here by myself before. Granted you've always been a few minutes away at the club though. I just feel like we just got back to a good place and I don't wanna mess that streak up, ya know?" She looked up at me. "I know you have to go though. But I wish you didn't."

"I know what you're saying, babe. Look, I'm done with all that 'what happens on a run, stays on a run' bullshit. It's you and me." I pulled her close against me, willing my hard on to subside. Her standing here in just a towel was killing me.

"I'm not worried. I trust you." She held up her half eaten waffle for me to take a bit of and I did, smirking.

"Believe me, if I could stay here with you and not have to go put up with Clay's unrelenting bullshit, I would in a heartbeat." I told her between chewing.

Things with Clay just continue to keep brewing. An eruption is destined to happen here soon.

Rowan stood on her tip toes and kissed me, making me wanna leave less and less and less. "I'm sorry about Clay, Jax. I know all of this over Donna isn't easy for you. I wish there was something more I could do to help you."

"It's just gotta take its course, babe. Clay's still alive, so trust me, you're the reason behind that." I chuckled, making her shake her head.

"So what's this run for?" She raised a curious eyebrow at me.

"Blood drive. Children's hospital, Eureka." I explained, momentarily leaving out the part about it being a gun run. I really didn't wanna make her worry the whole time I'm gone. Even though I know she will anyway.

"That's really sweet. SAMCRO community servants." Her fingers played with the back of my damp hair.

I chuckled, squeezing her hips. "It's what were all about, babe. Full disclosure though, the blood drive isn't the only reason we're going on this run. We gotta make a delivery."

Rowan's expression grew more serious. "Guns?"

I nodded, biting her waffle again.

"How dangerous is making a delivery? What if you get caught? How does it work?" Rowan rambled a bit, trying to understand it all.

"Actually it's fairly safe and low key, usually. We try and cover as many deliveries with charity rides as we can. Cops never mess with us when we're serving humanity. It'll be alright." I promised her. I could do a run in my sleep. "When we don't travel together, we travel in two's and take back roads to stay off the radar. Right now, we've gotta make a run about every two weeks. It's not what I want, but it's business."

"I understand." Rowan nodded her head. "Promise me you'll be careful. I really want you to be here and be whole when Raelynn is born." She half laughed, nervously.

"I will be. I ain't going anywhere." I smirked.

She took the last bite of her waffle and wrapped her arms around my neck again.

"Listen, I forgot to tell you that there are loaded guns in the house. There's a pistol in the nightstand." I turned and pointed to my night stand. "There's also a few in the closet. There's a brick loose above the fireplace in the living room, behind that is a glock. They're all loaded. I just wanted to let you know, god forbid, something would ever happen while I'm on a run."

"I'm dating a biker, I kinda already figure you're house was loaded." Rowan grinned then laughed. "I've known about the one in the nightstand and the ones in the closet. The fireplace one is new though."

Rowan continued to smile, biting her bottom lip. Pulling her even closer, I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers. We kissed slowly, exploring each other's mouths, remembering the feel of each other's lips. Just the right amount of lips and tongue mixed together to form one of the most sensual kisses I've ever been apart of. Without thinking, I guided Rowan over towards the bed and lied her down on top of my cut, sinking onto the bed next to her, never breaking contact.

She gripped the neck of my sweatshirt, pulling me closer, moaning against my lips. My hand slid down to her thigh. I gradually slid my hand up her thigh, making her clench her legs together. "Can I?" I mumbled against her lips, continuing to kiss her. I knew she wanted me too, but I just wanted to make sure. Just because we're together doesn't me I can stop asking for consent. After everything she's been through with Kohn, I want her to be comfortable and feel like she's in control.

"Mhmm." Rowan whimpered, clawing at my sweatshirt.

As I was sliding my hand up her thigh towards her pussy, Abel wailed down the hallway. We pulled apart, panting. My head fell to her shoulder. I really wanted to fuck her before I left and it looked like that wasn't going to happen.

I pulled my hand out from under her towel and rested it on her hip. She squirmed beneath me, which told me she was ready. I glanced up at her as Abel's helpless cries echoed down the hall. "My boy; the master of timing."

Rowan laughed and sighed, holding my face in her hand. "Imagine what it's gonna be like with two." She held up two fingers for emphasis.

Our sex life is fucking over.

"You know there are tons of families willing to adopt babies." I offered, winking at her.

Rowan smacked me in the arm playfully, starting to sit up to go after Abel. "Shut up! We're not giving up our babies just so you can get laid."

I laughed and got up. "I got him. Get dressed. We gotta get to club soon."

Rowan was supposed to be helping out Gemma at the garage this morning. I wanted us to all leave and head over together. I wanted to cram as much time together as possible before I left.

I walked into Abel's room and picked him up out of his crib. "What's the matter, buddy? Huh? It's okay." I tried to soothe him. Little guy had crocodile tears streaming down his face. He was able to hold his head up well now and lean against my chest. "Lets go see what Ro's doing." I whispered, rubbing his belly as we walked.

I paused in the doorway when I saw Rowan wearing my cut. She had on her bra and panties beneath it. My heart was beating rapidly against my ribcage as all of the blood in my body rushed south. "Fuck…me." I groaned, gawking at her.

Rowan heard me and whirled around. "Sorry, it was lying on the bed and I was curious. I just wanted to try it on." She laughed, "How does it look?"

I had a hard time forming a coherent sentence. She looked sexy as fuck wearing my cut. If I wasn't holding Abel right now I'd fuck her with it on. I was trying to control my breathing and the stirring in my dick. "Why? Why do you do this shit to me! Why do you have to look that fucking sexy and that fuckable right before I have to leave. It's not fair." I groaned, leaning against the doorway. Abel latched his fingers onto my beard, making me look at him. "She's mean to me. She's nice to you and mean to me." I whispered, cradling his head, watching Rowan.

She flashed me a sexy little grin as she shrugged out of my cut. She held it in front of her staring at the patches, running her fingers over them gently, carefully, respectfully. Her eyes lit up as she looked up at me.

"What?" I grinned.

"I'm you're old lady." She said.

"You're just realizing that now?" I walked towards her, bouncing Abel a bit in my arms. "I hate to break it to you, princess, but, you've been my old lady since the day we met. How's it feel?"

Rowan gazed at me and then Abel and then down at my cut. "Pretty damn good." Her eyes latched on mine again. God. I loved this girl.

Rowan sat my cut down on the bed and pulled on her maroon colored scrubs. She had a class or lab or something later this afternoon. I handed Abel over to her and pulled my cut on.

"I am so not mean to your daddy." She whispered, pointing at me. I kissed Abel on the nose and he made this weird ass squealing sound and jumped in Rowan's arms. We both busted out laughing because it was too damn cute. "Come on, bug, lets go change you're diaper because I know someone didn't do it!"

Rowan's eyes followed me accusingly as she walked out the door. I chuckled and followed after her.


	104. Chapter 104: Something For Later

**Chapter 104**

 **Jax's Point of View**

The guys were already resting on their bikes, ready to head out, when Rowan and I both pulled onto the lot at the clubhouse. I parked my bike next to Opies. "I didn't know you were riding?" I said, glancing over at him, taking my helmet off and resting it on the handle bar of my bike.

"Clay wanted me on the relay." Opie shrugged.

"Mary or Lena with the kids?" I asked, curious. I know they've spent more time with his kids then he has here recently. Opie hasn't been the same since Donna was killed. Honestly, I can't blame him. I'd go mad if something ever happened to Rowan. You'd have to fucking shoot me just to put me out of my misery.

This Opie ain't good for his kids or himself.

"Lena took em' to school this morning. My kids are fine though, Jax. Worry about your own family." Opie snapped. I shrugged, looking away, not looking for an argument right now.

Rowan got out of her suburban and then got Abel out in his carrier. She smiled at me and the guys as she walked past us to head into the office. My eyes drifted to her ass as she walked in the door. Fuck. The images of her standing in my cut this morning have been drawn into my memory with a permanent marker. I scanned the lot for my moms car, but she wasn't here. Neither was Clay or Deacon yet.

A loud eruption of a Harley caught my attention. Bobby drove some old piece of shit bike out of the shop over towards us. It was his old Fat Boy I could have sworn died years ago. I remember Deacon saying he was gonna drop the damn thing into the river. Black and grey smoke billowed out from the exhaust, making me shake my head. Just let it die, Bobby.

The guys waved the smoke away and hollered until Bobby shut it off.

"Hey! It's an old fat boy on a fat boy!" Chibs joked.

I got off my bike to inspect the ancient dinosaur a little further. "Thought you put that beast to sleep?"

Bobby looked appalled at that thought. He patted the gas tank as he heaved himself up off the thing. "Fat boy ain't even reached it's prime!"

"You talkin' bout you or the bike?" I smirked, lighting a cigarette.

Bobby flipped me the finger, making me laugh.

"It looks like it won't even make it to the end of the lot." Opie chuckled, shaking his head at the heap of metal Bobby insisted was still a bike.

"Best bike for a long ride!" Bobby boasted, staring down at the wreck of metal like it was a fucking beauty queen. "I'd put it up against any of your pretty little Dyna's any day!"

Bobby walked around the bike in front of us revealing his attire. Asshole was sporting leather chaps. My eyebrows arched. "You hitting the gay rodeo on the way?" I pointed to his chaps.

The guys busted out laughing when they noticed what he was wearing.

"Captain chaps. Cowhide to protect the man hide!" Bobby pointed out, unfazed.

"You're a fucking idiot, bro." I shook my head, taking a hit off my cigarette.

Half Sac walked up on us, gawking at Bobby's ride. The damn thing still had smoke billowing out from the back and it was shut off. Poor prospect was gonna have a fun ride at the back of the line once we hit the road.

"Oh, come on! Do I seriously have to ride behind that thing!" He whined.

"Shut up." Chibs barked. He loved ragging on the new prospects we got. He found pure joy in making them miserable. So did I. Only because I once was a prospect. "You should be used to getting sprayed in the face. Usually by Bob's big boy over there, aye!"

"Eat me, Chibs!" Half Sac shot back, giving himself an air handjob. Jesus. They're all dipshits.

"You see, I like a full scrote when I snack on someone. Tasty!" Chibs licked his lips. Tig couldn't stop laughing, he almost fell off his bike. For a minute I almost forgot what he did to Donna. What he was gonna do to Opie. All at Clay's command.

"Well, pretty soon you can have that, Chibs!" The prospect informed us. I glanced over my shoulder at Rowan in the office. I wanted to go say goodbye before I left. She looked up from the desk and spotted me and smiled, brushing hair behind her ear.

"You gonna spontaneously sprout a nut? Boing!" Tig laughed again.

"No, asshole. I'm getting a neuticle." The prospect deadpanned.

"You're getting a what?" I questioned. What the fuck was a neuticle? I've heard some medical terms Rowan's talked about studying and shit, but never that.

"It's a fake ball. It'll give me a sense of symmetry down under." Sac replied, running a hand through his scraggly hair.

I laughed as the guys ragged on him, then turned and headed towards the office. I'd rather kiss my girl than stand here and talk about the prospects nuts.

Abel was sacked out in his car seat on the floor in front of the desk when I walked in. The car ride over must have lulled him back to sleep. I walked over behind the desk next to Rowan and leaned down, kissing the back of her exposed neck. She had her hair up in a messy pile on her head. "Hey…" I murmured, as she turned and kissed my lips.

Rowan stood up as I leaned against the desk. "I just wanted to come say goodbye."

"Are you leaving right now?" She asked, biting her bottom lip.

"I've got a few minutes. We're waiting on Clay and your dad to get here. Why?" I questioned. Rowan's lips pulled into a grin as she walked past me and over towards the door.

My eyes followed her the entire way. She closed the door to the office. My heart rate accelerated tremendously. She walked back over to me and stood in front of me, planting her hands on my chest. A sexy smirk formed on her lips as she leaned in and pressed her lips against mine. Whatever was happening right now, I liked, a lot.

Rowan kissed me slowly, working her lips over mine tenderly. Her hands slid up my chest and around my neck. She planted kisses all along my jawline leading to my ear. "I know you're only going to be gone one night, but I thought you might want something to replay in your head later when you're alone." She whispered seductively in my ear, the bit it.

My dick twitched in my pants as I grabbed her hips.

Rowan pulled back, sinking her teeth into her bottom lip, looking at me through her golden lashes. She was looking at me with so much lust, desire and admiration, I could have come undone with a single fucking touch.

Slowly, her hands slid down my chest, towards my waistband. A breath caught in my throat as I gripped the desk behind me for support. Was this really happening? Rowan lowered herself down onto her knees in front of me. Oh fuck, this was happening.

Her fingers deftly undid my belt and unbuttoned my jeans, pulling down my zipper. Breathing seemed to become harder, along with my dick. She raised herself up on her knees slightly, pushing my sweat shirt up, kissing my lower stomach. The muscles tightened and relaxed with each kiss. Her lips followed the smattering of blonde hair below my belly button downward.

"Jesus…" I breathed out, tightening my grip on the desk even more.

Rowan smirked up at me, slipping her fingers into my boxers and jeans, pulling them down, letting my erection spring free. Rowan's eyes widened as she took in all eight inches. She's probably wondering how the hell I fit inside of her. "I've been wanting to do this for a really long time." She whispered, swallowing the lump in throats and licking her lips. Fuck me. She actually licked her lips.

"It's all yours." I told her. She looked up at me with twinkling eyes and then finally, finally reached out to grasp me.

I low groan escaped my lips at the contact. It did nothing to dissipate the need coursing through my veins at the moment. I just craved more. My eyes fluttered closed as her hand worked up and down me, trying out different grips. My eyes were closed so I couldn't see her, but I sure as fuck felt her tongue flicked across the head. My eyes shot open as my hips shot forward involuntarily.

The arousal and sensations filling my body right now were indescribable. Rowan paused, looking up at me, then smiled sexily, before taking me in her mouth again. One of my hands found her head and I threaded my fingers through some loose strands of her hair, the other gripped the desk for dear life.

It was obvious this was her first blowjob, but she was learning quickly. She tried to take more of me in her mouth than she could handle and gagged slightly, having to back off. "Relax your throats muscles. You're doing fucking amazing…" I painted, feeling the pressure inside of me building.

It took a few minutes, but she eventually found her rhythm, taking as much of me as possible with her mouth, sucking and pulling up to swirl her tongue over the tip. What her mouth couldn't take she made up for by working the rest with her hand. The feel of her lips around my cock was even better than I imagined it would be. I've had blowjobs from experienced chicks and none of those compared to this one. Not even close.

"Fuck," I moaned, eyes rolling back into my head.

My hips quivered as I tried not to thrust into her. Damn if she didn't look fucking good on her knees. I've wanted this for so long, but I never wanted to pressure her into it. This was something the croweaters did on the regular around here and she wasn't a croweaters. She was a goddamn queen at the moment.

Rowan moaned as she continued her intoxicating rhythm. My stomach clenched as the telltale tingle started to work its way up the base of my spine. "Fuck," I moaned, leaning my head back, looking at the ceiling, "Baby, I'm gonna -fuck- if you don't want it in your mouth…" I detonated, feeling every sensation at once swirling throughout my body as white hot pleasure shot through my body. Rowan continued to perform one of the, hands-down, best fucking blowjobs I've ever experienced. I couldn't breath or think or move as I rode out the wave of this pure ecstasy.

My lips parted as I shuddered through one of the most intense orgasms I've ever had.

I felt Rowan's mouth leave me and groaned, my muscles relaxing as I came down off the most purest high. My eyes opened and I looked down to see her wiping the corner of her mouth with her thumb. We stared at each other in amazement and admiration.

A lazy sexy grin formed on her face. "That was really fun." She spoke, shyly almost. "We need to do that more often."

If she kept talking I was gonna fucking come again.

I was about to tell her how much I fucking loved what just happened, but we were both startled by the office door swinging open. Quickly, I grabbed my jeans and began yanking them up, but it really didn't matter. Deacon already knew what we were doing or had been doing.

Rowan got to her feet and stepped away from me. She covered her mouth with her hand and squeezed her eyes shut, completely embarrassed and mortified.

Deacon gave me a look of pure unfiltered rage. He stepped into the office, but didn't let go of the doorknob. He was using it as an anchor not to fly over here and kill me most likely.

"Deacon, this wasn't…its not…we were just…" Rowan fumbled for words, shaking her head. Deacon wouldn't even make eye contact with his daughter. He was too busy boring holes into me with his imaginary laser vision.

She didn't owe him an explanation. I mean I get she's embarrassed, I am too a little bit, but we're adults here.

"You." He pointed to me, "Out. Now."

I glanced at Rowan who was now on the verge of tears. "I'll be right outside." I whispered, ignoring her latching onto my arm.

Deacon hardly stepped aside so I could walk outside.

"I am so sorry you walked in on that. I don't normally do things like that, here of all places, it just happened and I don't know why I'm even still talking." Rowan rambled, nervously inside.

The door was still open so I could hear everything being said.

There was a long pause of silence and then Deacon cleared his throat. "I just wanted to let you know that Piney would be here if you needed anything while we're gone."

"Okay." Rowan replied, her voice quiet and small.

"You know, I thought you were a decent kid. I thought you head a good head on your shoulders. I thought you were better than that shit." Deacon told her, pissing me off.

"I don't…I'm sorry." Rowan said as Deacon stormed out the door, leaving her behind.

He glared at me as he marched past me towards the guys. Clay was here now. Which meant we needed to get going.

I walked back inside the office and found Rowan with her face in her hands sitting on the sofa. I knelt down in front of her and pried her hands away from her beautiful face. "Hey, its okay. It's not a big deal. Believe me. You don't know how many times I've walked in on some of these shitheads in compromising positions." I half laughed.

Rowan's tear filled eyes met mine. "That's my dad, Jax. What the hell just happened? He's never gonna look at me the same way again. He hates me! What was I thinking being that stupid here. I didn't even lock the door! I'm such an idiot!" Tears slipped down her cheeks. I wiped them away and held her face in my hands.

"You were having fun, Ro. It's okay to wanna let loose and relax. He doesn't hate you. He could never hate you, I promise. He'll get over it. If he doesn't, screw him." I pressed my lips against hers lightly. "If it makes you feel better, I really really really enjoyed that." I smirked at her.

She smirked back at me slightly. "It doesn't make me feel better."

"I promise he'll forget all about this by the time we get back." I stood up, pulling her up with me at the same time. I cradled her face in my hands and pressed my forehead against hers gently.

"I love you." I whispered, kissing her lips gently.

"I love you, too." She gripped my sweatshirt.

"I gotta go. Don't worry." I kissed her forehead and then her nose and let go of her, turning on my heel and heading out the door.

My mother was pulling in as I walked towards my bike. I got on and put my helmet on. Clay was parked in front of me. "What'd you say, prez?"

"Lets go save the children." Clay smirked.

"What's with Deacon?" Opie asked, as I reached down to turn the key on the ignition. "He stormed out of the office like his ass was on fire."

"He walked in on Rowan giving me head." I glanced at Opie.

Opie busted out laughing as each bike came to life. Engines filled the air, mixing with Opie's laughter. He hasn't laughed like this in a while. He started to sober up, but looked at Deacon and then me and started all over again. "Jesus Christ. You're fucking dead."

I'm glad this was amusing for him. "I'm pretty sure I'm never getting head again."

Clay took off out in the lead towards the road and we all fell in line behind him. This was gonna be a fun fucking tip for me now.


	105. Chapter 105: Returns

**Chapter 105  
**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Mortified didn't even begin to describe how I felt right now. Is there even a feeling for when your father walks in on you going down on your boyfriend? No, I didn't think so. I'm such an idiot. I swore I locked the door. I specifically remember reaching down to lock it, but then I looked over my shoulder at Jax, that's when I must have got distracted. Damn you, Jax and your perfect fucking face. Deacon just became a part of my life and now I can never face him again. It's safe to say we probably won't talk for another twenty one years after today.

Abel stirred in his car seat snapping me out of my freakout session. I walked around the desk and picked him up out of his seat. "Hey, bug! Did you have a good little nap? Huh?" Abel whined and started rubbing his face against my shoulder. His diaper felt full so I knew he needed to be changed.

"Knock knock!" I looked up from Abel's diaper bag to see Lena standing in the door way. Least she knocks. "Oh, give me that little Prince Charming!" She reached out and took Abel from me.

I glanced at the clock on the wall. It was still pretty early in the morning. Lena usually isn't a functioning human being until somewhere around noon or later. "What are you doing up this early? You don't transform into a human until after 10am."

Lena stuck her tongue out at me and then made a weird funny face at Abel. "Oh shut it, I took Opie's kids to school this morning if you must know, nosey!"

I smirked and handed Lena a diaper. "He needs a change."

"Gee, thanks!" She smirked, snatching the diaper.

I sat down on the coach and ran a hand down the side of my face and sighed. Lena laid Abel down on the couch beside me and started changing his diaper. She glanced at me when I handed her wipes. "What's up with you? You look like you're about to puke."

"I've had a rough morning." I whined, resting my elbows on my knees and covering my face.

"Like Jax rode you rough this morning or…" Lena singsonged, then laughed when I smacked her. "Kidding, kidding!" She surrendered, returning back to changing Abel's diaper.

"Deacon walked in on me and Jax this morning in a compromising situation." I explained slowly, getting to my feet. Oh god, it was horrifying to even repeat what happened.

Lena finished Abel's diaper change and picked him up then turned around to face me with arched eyebrows. "How compromising?"

"I was giving Jax head." I mumbled, squeezing my eyes shut and cringing.

Lena looked a little taken aback, but she grinned. "You're not serious, are you?" She laughed slightly. She handed Abel back to me when he began reaching for me. Lena's face was turning red because she was trying not to laugh. She bit her knuckle and looked me dead in the eye. "I need some clarification here, Ro. Was his dick in your mouth or no dick in the mouth?"

"No! God, no! We had just finished, but I was still on my knees and Jax was still…exposed. It was blatantly obvious we were... ya know!" I cringed again, bouncing Abel on my hip. "I'm so embarrassed!"

Lena couldn't hold her composure any longer and began hysterically laughing at my predicament. She laughed so hard she slid down onto the floor against the couch. "I'm sorry, it's just so funny!" She continued losing her shit.

"Fuck you!" I laughed, sitting down behind the desk with Abel on my lap. "It's not that funny! I'm literally never going to be able to look my dad in the eye again. He was so disgusted by us, me. He basically compared me to a croweater!" It was getting easier to talk to Lena about club stuff since she started hanging around more and more. She understood that the croweaters were just dick sucking bitches looking to become someone's old lady. She knew that it was hard for me to be around them, especially Ima.

"Oh stop!" Lena choked out, calming down from her fit of laughter. "You know I'm actually super proud of you. My baby girl is all grown up!"

"Well, I'm kinda like 13 weeks pregnant so I think I already grew up when I got knocked up." I pointed out. Lena rolled her eyes and waved me off.

"Do you remember Colt Ashton?" Lena asked, running a hand through her wavy brunette hair.

"You dated him in high school for a week, right?"

"Yeah, well, we were at my house one day and we were really going at it in my room. Like he was really going to town, you know?"

"Mental picture has been drawn!" What is the point of this? I'm horrified enough already.

"Great! Okay, so, my mom was supposed to be at work, but that week she was on a bender so she wasn't, but I didn't know. Anyway, she comes waltzing into my room without knocking and I'm like screaming through an orgasm and my mom asks me, "where do you keep your stash of vodka?"

I was hiding my face behind my hand and shaking my head. That's awful. "No! What did she do? What did you do? You never told me this!"

"I finished and pointed to the closet. She grabbed the vodka and we never spoke about it again." Lena laughed, tossing her hands in the air. "The point of the story is it could be worse. Least Jax's dick wasn't in your mouth! You guys will get over it. I mean what does Deacon think you and Jax have been doing, studying the Bible and taking virginity pledges? For one thing, you're pregnant! It's not like you swallowed a watermelon seed. Obviously you're fucking! It's just unfortunate he walked in on it!"

She had a good point. "He just made me feel so bad about it." The more I sat here and thought about it all it pissed me off. This has been his world his entire life practically. I make one little misstep and I'm condemned for it? Bullshit.

Jax awoke something in me when we met. He taught me to go after what I want when I want it. I don't always have to be a goody goody. It was fun to just surprise Jax like that. He loved it. I loved being that way with him.

"It's not like you really are a croweater! You and Jax are in a committed relationship with a growing family. Deacon will get over it and if he doesn't I'll just have to talk to him…in private…naked."

"You need so much help." I laughed.

"Therapy couldn't help me now." Lena laughed getting off the floor.

"Thanks for talking me out of my freak out, Dr. Phil."

"You're welcome, you little hoe." Lena smirked.

Gemma walked in the office, placing her sunglasses on the top of her head. "Mail call…" she said, dropping a pile of envelopes on the desk in front of me.

"I have to pee!" Lena alerted us and scurried off into the bathroom.

"How's my adorable grandson today!" Gemma cooed, picking Abel up off my lap. I sorted through the mail and noticed a huge yellow envelope addressed to me and Gemma. It was marked important. There was no return address.

Gemma was bouncing Abel on her hip and letting him play with her necklaces. I tore open the envelope and looked inside, only to see another brown paper bag. I yanked the bag out and then opened it. I pulled out a white rubber mask and froze. It was the same mask the men wore that attacked us. "Gemma…" I whispered, feeling paralyzed. My throat started to close up as I dropped it on the desk and stood up.

"What?" Gemma turned around, her eyes falling to the mask on the desk. Her body went rigid as her face visually paled. Slowly she walked over and picked the mask up and closed her eyes, gripping it. "Who sent it?"

"There's no return address." I whispered, holding my stomach with one hand and involuntarily running my fingers over the scar on my face. Gemma picked up the brown bag the mask was in, almost recognizing it. She jammed the mask back in the bag.

"Get Lena to watch Abel and meet me at my car." She instructed, gently handing Abel over to me.

Gemma grabbed the brown paper bag and stormed out of the office. I felt nauseated. Lena came out of the bathroom and made herself a cup of coffee. I didn't know what Gemma was about to go do, but I couldn't let her do it alone. We were in this situation together.

"Hey, uh, would you mind watching Abel for a little while? Gemma needs me to run some errands picking up parts and shit and I don't want him to have to spend the day in the car." I lied out my ass. It's funny how lying was getting easier as the days wore on.

Lena shrugged, nodding. "Sure! We'll go to the park and pick up on the single dads! Well, I will at least." She grinned, arching her eyebrows suggestively.

"Thank you!" I breathed handing him over to her.

I grabbed my bag and headed out the door towards Gemma's SUV.

I got in the passenger seat and looked at Gemma as she stared at the bag and mask resting on her lap. "What are we doing Gemma?" I hadn't realized my voice was shaking until right this moment. That damn mask brought back all the fear I've spent these past few weeks pushing away.

"We're going for a little drive into town. I need to make a return!" Gemma snapped, jerking the car in gear abruptly.

"Gemma, they're taunting us! We need to tell…" I started to say, but was cut off by Gemma. "If you say we need to tell someone about this, one more time, I'm gonna slap the blonde off you! We don't need men to handle our shit!" She yanked open the glove box, revealing a small hand gun. A pistol to be exact. Of course she would have one in her car too.

"You're insane!" I spat out.

"Certifiably." Gemma retired, lighting a cigarette. As if I didn't want to vomit enough already.

It was odd how one thing, one image, one sound, one fucking mask could bring back a thousand memories. Suddenly it felt like I was back in that dark damp building again. I felt the tip of a knife digging into my skin. The taste of blood in my mouth. I could only imagine what Gemma was feeling right now. I desperately wanted Jax more than anything right now. It was torture fighting the urge to call him and tell him to come home to me, to tell him what happened. Absentmindedly, I reached for his necklace around my neck, but it wasn't there. I've been reaching for it at different times these past few weeks and feeling my heart break when my fingers don't make contact with anything.

Gemma whizzed in and out of traffic like a madwoman. I swore she was gonna kill us before we even got where we were going. When she turned down Main Street I knew where we were headed. Zoebelle's new cigar shop was on this street. I'd heard he was opening in a few weeks. Gemma parked the car and grabbed the bag with the mask in it and got out of the car.

A cool wind hit me as I got out of the car. It was sprinkling rain. I shivered, wishing I'd had one of Jax's warm sweatshirts right now, or his arms around me. I caught up to Gemma and glared at her. For a woman in heels she could haul ass. "What are we doing here, Gemma?" I hissed through clenched teeth.

Gemma marched forward down the sidewalk towards Zoebelle's cigar shop. There was a man with peppered hair and an impeccable suit standing on a ladder outside of the store. Gemma slowed down as we approached. I recognized the man to be Zoebelle. He was hanging a sign that said 'Impeccable Smokes.'

Slowly we walked forward a bit more and I noticed Gemma's façade faltering. She gripped the bag tighter. I touched her arm, gently. "Let's just go, okay?"

"Good morning!" Zoebelle called out, catching our attention. My skin crawled having him look at me. He climbed down off his ladder and wiped his hands on a rag. "Are you looking for Sherman's? They moved a month ago." He gestured towards the old Sherman's bag in Gemma's hand and smirked. "I hope it wasn't a return."

"Come on." I said gently, turning Gemma around. When I looked up we were face to face with a man. I froze when my eyes caught the peace tattoo on his neck. It was the same tattoo the guy had that attacked us. My eyes fell to the chain around his neck and the bullet on the chain.

"Excuse me, ladies." He said, smirking wickedly, sidestepping around us.

That was Jax's necklace. My necklace. I glanced over my shoulder to see the man shaking hands with Zoebelle and walking into his store with him.

"You're right, this was a bad idea. Let's go." Gemma tugged on my arm. But I couldn't move. I was terrified, but I was also angrier than I've ever been. My bones shook. I clenched my jaw shut so tight I thought my teeth might shatter. "Let's go!"

I grabbed the bag out of Gemma's hand and marched towards the store.

"What are you doing?" Gemma called out behind me.

"Making a fucking return." I shouted.

They weren't going to do this to us. They'd already done enough. I was not going to let them win this twisted game. They wanted to scare us. But they had no idea how horrifying their lives were about to get. I was taking back my necklace one way or another and sending a message that they weren't going to control us.


	106. Chapter 106: Above The Law

**Chapter 106**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

The chimes over the door jangled as I pushed through into Impeccable Smokes. The noise radiated through my entire body. I gripped the bag in my hand tighter. The smell of tobacco filled my nose, flipping my stomach in the process. "Oh, I'm sorry, we're not quite open just yet." Zoebelle called from behind the front counter. He was blocked by Weston, who had his back to me.

Weston looked over his shoulder at me and I watched the corners of his mouth pull up into a sinister smirk. Zoebelle looked at me and gave me a warm grin. "Since you're here feel free to take a look around." Zoebelle gestured towards the boxes of cigars lining the glass counters.

I held back the vomit inching its way up my throat. Although, I should just puke on them both. "I'd actually like to return something." I marched forward, standing next to Weston and tossed the bag onto the counter. Zoebelle's eyebrows arched as I glared at him. "I think that belongs to you."

Every part of me wanted to run and hide, but I couldn't. These two poor excuses for men thought they could threaten me and my family. They thought they had the power. They don't. I'm so sick of being a victim. I'm tired of being scared. So I'm not going to be anymore. I'd rather wear my tragedies as armor, not shackles.

"Go ahead and open it." I encouraged him with a sarcastic lilt to my voice. Zoebelle humored me and pulled the white rubber mask out of the bag.

"I don't believe we sell these." He laughed with Weston shoving it back in the bag. I could feel Weston's eyes grazing up and down my body. He was the lion and I was the frail little gazelle waiting to be slaughtered. At least that's what he thought. "I'm sorry you came all the way in here to be disappointed. You could try returning it elsewhere."

I crossed my arms over my chest and smirked. "You fucked with the wrong people. I know who you are and what you do. If you threaten my family again you'll find out who I am and what I can do."

"I'm afraid you have me at a loss here. I have no idea what you are referring to." Zoebelle continued to play coy.

"I think you're confused ma'am. Must be what they call pregnancy brain…" Weston said, eyeing my ever growing belly. "I'll walk you out." He touched my arm. Before I realized what I was doing I'd grabbed the box cutter off the counter and slammed my forearm into his throat, shoving him against the wall.

I vividly envisioned jamming into artery and watching him bleed out.

Weston grinned and laughed, eyeing the box cutter I had pressed against his neck.

"Alright, lets just calm down here." Zoebelle tried to intervene.

"Fuck you!" I spat back at him. "You know exactly what you and this piece of shit did. I can guarantee you the truth will come out and when it does, God help you both. It might not happen today or tomorrow, but one day soon, you're both going to end up on a missing poster! I have entire club behind me and the chief of police, if you come near me or Gemma again, I'll kill you."

"Mighty big words for such a small little girl. You really think you can waltz in here and threaten us?" Weston sneers. He placed his hand on my hip and I jammed the box cutter into his neck more, drawing blood. A crimson drop dripped down the side of his neck, onto the crisp white collar of his shirt.

"I don't make threats. I make promises." My eyes fell to Jax's necklace hanging around his neck. "This necklace belongs around the neck of a real man!" I yanked it off his neck and stepped back, shaking.

Weston sauntered forward as I stepped back. "You don't think I'm a real man, sweetheart? I'd be happy to show you how REAL of a man I am." My heart seized in my chest. This was such a reckless idea, coming in here, alone. I was banking on it being broad daylight and the middle of Main Street. They weren't stupid enough to do anything to me here.

"Weston! Enough." Zoebelle called him off.

"Don't you know bitches belong on leashes." I spat back. My fingers clamped around the box cutter in my hand tighter and tighter and Jax's necklace in the other. Somehow just having the cool metal bullet against the palm of my hand gave me courage. "Your time will come. I personally can't wait."

I headed towards the door and sat the box cutter down on top of a box by the exit. As I was about to storm out I heard Weston open his disgusting mouth. "I would be real careful Miss Collins. It would be a shame if something happened to that precious little girl you have growing inside of you. I wonder how Jax and your little club would handle finding you gutted like a fish on the side of the highway. Something like that would destroy a man."

Anger didn't even begin to describe what I was feeling in this very moment. I slammed my hands into the door and waltzed outside onto the sidewalk. I turned around and looked at Weston and Zoebelle inside the store smirking at one another. My hand shook as I reached down and grabbed one of the garden bricks circling the newly planted maple tree just a little ways off from the sidewalk. I hauled my arm back and threw the brick through Zoebelle's storefront. The glass window shattered, shards of glass flew out onto the sidewalk causing passerby's to stop and gawk.

I turned on him heel and began heading back to Gemma's SUV. Hopefully she was still there. I rounded the corner and spotted her sitting in the front seat. I jogged the rest of the way over to it and got in.

"What the hell did you? I was getting ready to call Unser." Gemma yelled at me fiercely. "I can't believe you just marched in there like that. You are seven kinds of stupid!" Says the woman who was going to do the exact same thing.

"I was getting something back that belonged to me!" I held up Jax's necklace.

"Jesus Christ." Gemma muttered.

"I tossed a brick through the front window." I breathed out, trying to catch my breath and calm my nerves. I should have tossed it through their smug faces!

"You've got some brass balls on you, kid." Gemma lit a cigarette and the smell of the smoke was enough to make me open the door and get out and vomit on the asphalt.

I heaved up everything I ate for breakfast and then some.

Once I was finished puking my guts out I leaned against the SUV and held my stomach with one hand. Cool tiny drops of rain hit my skin, sending shivers throughout my body. I welcome the cold though, it was helping to cool the heat coursing through me. How the hell did Weston know I was having a girl? Did he hack my medical records? It wouldn't surprise me.

A woman in a station wagon pulled up behind Gemma's SUV and idled. I guess she thought we were leaving and wanted the spot. She honked her horn repeatedly, "Are you leaving or what?"

"Fuck off!" I yelled, not caring a bit. I got back in the car and slammed the door shut just in time to see Gemma pull the handgun from her purse and Point it out the window at the woman. Tired screeched as she scurried away.

"Jesus, Gemma." She tossed the gun back in her handbag and sunk down into her seat.

My cell phone rang pulling me back into reality. I pulled it out of my scrub pocket and looked at the caller ID. Jax. I took a deep breath and answered it, because if I didn't he'd worry and I didn't know when I would get to talk to him again today if he was going to be on the road. "Hey!"

"Hey, baby. I just wanted to check in. We stopped for gas and to stretch for a few minutes." Jax said. Just hear his voice made my racing heart calm. I wished he was here with his arms around me.

"How's the ride going? Everything okay?"

"Its been eventful. Tig got into a bit of an accident because of Bobby. Got him to the hospital, he should be fine though." Jax half laughed. "As fine as Tig normally is."

"Jesus. Are you okay?" I panicked slightly, even though he said it was Tig.

"I'm fine, I promise, babe. I miss you like crazy already though." Jax said. The sincerity in his words made my inside melt.

"I miss you, too." I held back the tears brewing behind my eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat. "Everything okay with Deacon?" My top teeth sunk into my bottom lip as I tried to keep the tears at bay. If he heard me crying I know he'd come home.

"I'm getting the silent treatment. It's been pleasant." Jax laughed, making me have to fake laughing along with him.

"Well, I'm about to walk into class." My voice cracked. Shit. I held the phone away from my face and sniffled.

"You okay? You sound like something's wrong?"

"No, no, I'm fine. I haven't felt that well this afternoon, that's all. And I just miss you." I singsonged, rather terribly.

"Go home and sleep after class. Get my mom to watch Abel. I love you. I'll be home soon."

"I love you, too. So much." We hung up and I flung my phone onto the dash as hard as possible.

Gemma glanced at me, but suddenly knew better than to open her mouth.

"I'm so done with this Gemma! Done." I stared at her, shaking, searching her eyes for any sign that she might be ready to confront this all head on and speak the truth. Of course I'm not that lucky.

"You think this is just a picnic for me?" Gemma scoffed, tossing her cigarette out the window into the rain.

"Woah, there!" Unser appeared at the window. Gemma rolled it down and looked at him.

"We got a disturbing call from a woman who says you pulled a gun on her." Unser said, looking at me and then Gemma a bit suspiciously.

Gemma shrugged. "Yeah…"

"That's it, just a shrug and a 'yeah'." I felt for Unser. He didn't know what direction to go when it came to Gemma. Frankly, neither did I.

"Well, she didn't pull the trigger so that's a plus." I added, running a hand down the side of my face. The clock on the dash read 2:45pm. I was already late for class. Skipping would be the best thing today.

"What the hell am I supposed to do with THIS, ladies." Unser tossed his arms in the air.

"We got a package in the mail this morning. White mask in a Sherman's bag." Gemma said, studying Unser's face. "It's what they were wearing that night."

"Shit. Zoebelle?" Unser glanced over his shoulder in the direction of Zoebelle's shop. "I'm guessing one of you was the culprit behind the brick through the window? Hale's over there now."

"That would be me!" I raised my hand, semi proudly.

"They're just trying to rattle you both." Unser looked at us sympathetically. He had those kind eyes like my mom.

"I'm sorry about the gun." Gemma finally conceded.

"Let me drive you ladies home." Unser offered sweetly.

I slipped Jax's necklace back around my neck, where it belonged. When I looked up I noticed Weston's truck going past us in the rear view mirror. Gemma did too, because she straightened up in her seat. "Listen Wayne. I got somewhere to be."

"I think I'm gonna walk, Gem. I need to clear my head." I reached over and squeezed her arm before getting out.

Gemma said goodbye to Unser and then backed out onto the street and left. I couldn't help but notice she went the same way as Weston did.

"You sure you don't want a ride home, sweetheart?" Chief Unser asked me, touching my shoulder.

Before I could answer him Hale pulled up in his Jeep, followed by a police cruiser. Hale approached me, followed by two other officers.

"What's this about?" Unser questioned Hale.

"I hate to do this, but Zoebelle ID'd Rowan here as the person whole vandalized his store, I'm gonna have to take you down to the station." Hale said, gesturing for his two officers to cuff me.

They approached me and I stepped back. "What the hell? Are you serious right now?" I looked at all of the cops before me, frantic. Zoebelle called the cops on me… unbelievable. The nerve on that dick with a face.

"Now, I don't think that's necessary." Unser tried to intervene, stepping in front of me. He knew why I did what I did.

"Just because SAMCRO has you in their pocket and she's dating one of them, doesn't mean she's above the law." Hale pressed.

Two officers pulled my arms behind my back and put me in handcuffs. "You're under arrest for vandalism. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in the court of the law…" I listened as my rights were read and looked at Unser. This was not happening right now. It couldn't be, but it was.


	107. Chapter 107: To The Grave

**Chapter 107**

 **Jax's Point of View**

I placed a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of Pepsi on the counter as I jammed my phone back in my pocket. We'd stopped at a little gas station to fill up after we peeled away from the rest of the group and picked up the guns we were running from Cameron Hayes. Those Irish shits had a sweet set up using a army surplus store as their front.

We were carrying the guns in bed rolls. As long as we didn't draw to much attention to ourselves we'd be fine making the delivery. Just a bunch of bikers with bed rolls on a charity run. Then Tig laid his bike down outside of Chico and we had to get his busted up ass to the hospital. We were trying to avoid coming in contact with the authorities and ended up right on their doorstep.

I paid the cashier and headed outside back towards my bike. Deacon was leaning against the side of the building smoking with Opie, avoiding me. "You really giving me the silent treatment, man? What are you five?" I joked, approaching them both.

Deacon flicked his cigarette at my feet and I rolled my eyes. This guy could be one of the biggest fucking pricks in the world when he wanted to be.

Opie continued smoking and looked back and forth between us.

Clay's been giving me shit since we left this morning and now I'm dealing with Deacon's bullshit. It was starting to get on my nerves. The only thing keeping me from snapping was hearing Rowan's voice on the phone. Even just her voice had a way of fucking calming my nerves and putting me at ease, if only for a little while.

"You're a fucking dick." I mumbled, walking back to my bike. Personally, I don't give a shit that he walked in on me and Rowan this morning, I care more about that fact he treated her like shit for it.

He's no goddamn saint. If he got laid once in a while he might not be so uptight. As far as I know he hasn't banged anyone since he found out Rowan's mom passed away. He does his job in the shop and his duties for the club and then locks himself in his dorm the rest of the time…

I know what happened this morning sorta crushed Rowan though. She's been trying so hard to fit in around the club and get his approval, she'll never admit it, but I know her. I know her like the back of my hand. She still seemed upset just now when I got off the phone with her. This was the only part of going on a run I fucking hated; being away from her. Before being on a run never bothered me, mostly because I didn't have anyone to really come home to. Now I do. Everything in me wanted to go to her and finish what we started this morning. I had every intention of fucking her as soon as I got back, no matter where we were.

"I'm sorry? What was that? I couldn't quite hear you?" Deacon called out. I turned around to see him pushing off the wall and walking towards me a bit aggressively.

"You wanna be pissed at me for what happened? Fine. Go ahead. I don't give a fuck. I can handle it. But you were a fucking dick to your daughter this morning." I pointed out point blank.

"She kinda had enough dick this morning don't you think…" Opie said as he walked by to get to his bike.I shoved him as he walked past me. "You're not helping." Opie laughed leaving me face to face with Deacon.

"You don't understand. That's my kid. She's my little girl. I told you not to treat her like a fucking croweater and yet here we are! She deserves better than that! One day she'll be a god damn legacy around here. I don't want that legacy to be her on her knees sucking dick." Deacon exploded in front of me, inching closer and closer to my face.

This wouldn't be the first time we've gotten into it over Rowan and I can bet it won't be the last.

"She's not a little girl! When are you gonna realize that? She's not four years old running around with pig tails in her hair, man. She's a grown woman with a kid on the way. Believe it or not she's the one that initiated that this morning. I've respected her from day one! I waited when she wanted to wait when I could have had her if I wanted to. I've never looked at her as a croweater, not once, man!" I shot back defensively. He knows he's sprouting nothing but bullshit. Deacon's nostril's flared as he took a slight step back and slipped his hands on his hips. He looked up and met my unwavering stare.

"You'll understand some day when your daughter is sixteen or seventeen and in you walk in on her and her boyfriend." Deacon walked past me towards his bike.

My mind went into overdrive thinking about the possibility of my daughter, my little unborn baby girl, one day on her knees looking up at some asshole. Suddenly my blood was boiling and murder seemed like a grand idea. "Fuck me." I muttered, shaking my head and heading back to my bike sitting at the gas pumps.

I sat down on it and glanced over at Deacon sitting on his. I twisted the cap off my Pepsi and tossed it out into the lot. I downed half of it while listening to Clay talking to someone on his cell. "Where the hell were you guys?...And you just let them?...No! No! You just wait there…You've done enough goddamn damage today." Clay snapped his phone shut and got up off his bike looking pissed as fuck.

"What?" I asked, when he finally met my stare.

"Bounty hunters. They just picked up Tig!" Clay informed us all.

"Jesus Christ." Chibs moaned, leaning against the gas pump.

"Why is it always Tig?" Deacon shook his head and sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. It's funny how true that statement is. If there's ever an issue it usually revolves around Tig.

"What the hell did they pick him up for?" Opie questioned.

"They didn't stop to say." Clay deadpanned, shaking his head and pacing in front of his bike. "Half-Sac's trailing them now."

Jesus Christ. This is just what we need while we're transporting illegal handguns.

"How the hell does this happen?" Chibs said.

"Ask the jew in leather!" Clay yelled, kicking the dirt on the ground harshly, venting his frustration. If Bobby hadn't been riding that piece of shit bike he never would of caused the accident earlier.

I rested my arms on my handlebars, stretching my back. I loved riding, but it did take its toll on you after awhile. "It'll probably have been the hospital. Bounty hunters will pay admins to call in names of nefarious types." God knows how many outstanding warrants Tig has he hasn't mentioned to us.

"If Tig had an outstanding warrant, I'd know." Clay snapped at me.

"It could be out of the fucking state." I shot back. No. Of course I couldn't possibly be right. Clay glared at me, but said nothing. "If the bounty is big enough they could be hauling his ass to Maine."

"We have to go after him." I pushed. There was no question about it.

"We have a delivery to make!" Clay stated.

"Jax is right. Bounty hunters don't have any jurisdiction, we can take him back." Deacon added.

"What's stopping us is seven bed rolls full of illegal hand guns." Clay whispered, moving closer to Deacon.

"If we go after him now we have a chance!" I half yelled, growing irritated. If we quit talking about it and just do it, we'd already have him back. "Once he crosses state lines…"

"If Tig were here he'd vote to deliver the guns!" Clay growled.

My jaw clenched as I got off my bike. "We dump the guns somewhere safe. Relay gets pushed by a few hours at best." I suggested. Clay was unwavering though. Anything I said he let go in one ear and out the other.

"We're delivering the guns." Well that's the end of that.

I got on my bike and watched Clay get on his.

"I'll go get the dumbass and meet back up with you." Deacon got off his bike and started to unstrap his bed roll to hand over to me. Clay looked over his shoulder at him. "Leave that goddamn roll on your bike. This ain't a debate. I ain't riding without you as protection. Do your damn job and leave your emotions out of it. Daughter of yours is making you soft!"

"You wanna say that again?" Deacon snapped back. I'd love to see these two get into it.

Clay looked forward and started his bike while the rest of us just sat and stood there. Clay went to take off out of the lot and his aching hands slipped off the throttle, he was off balance and toppled the bike over on its side. "Shit!"

A sigh escaped my lips as I slowly walked towards Clay to help him up. "I got it! I got it!" He snarled, attempting and failing to upright his bike. He got pissed and stormed off across the lot and sat down on the cement wall that divided the property lines.

I motioned to Chibs to give me a hand with the bike and we heaved it back up. Opie got off his bike and walked over and sat down with Clay. I placed Clay's helmet on his handlebar and then returned to mine and sat back down.

Opie and Clay were talking, but I couldn't hear anything that was being said. The site of Opie sitting next to Clay made my stomach turn a thousand times over. If only he knew. He's been stuck up Clay's ass since Donna died and it's only gotten worse.

Clay keeps sinking his claws in further and further.

After a few minutes Opie rejoined us. "He okay?" I asked, only partially concerned.

"Yeah, he just needs to know we have his back." Opie glared at me. I'm not stupid, I know the guys are sensing the tension between me and Clay, but Opie is my best friend, he's supposed to have my back like I've always had his.

I chewed the inside of my lip and figuratively bit my tongue. Deacon and I shared a glance, but said nothing. He knows why Clay and I are butting heads. He knows this about Donna.

Clay made his way back to us and got on his bike. "Let's go get Tig."

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Hale was kind enough to cuff me to a desk, instead of placing me in a holding cell once we got down to the station. I was so pissed off my entire body was shaking. Jax was going to freak the hell out if he found out about this. Which is why I am hoping and praying I can get out of this without having to call him.

"The cuffs aren't necessary." Unser said, motioning for a rookie to unlock them. Unser followed us back to the station, most likely to try and help me, but Hale wasn't having any of it.

I rubbed my wrist and took in the wafting smell of doughnuts coming from somewhere.

Hale returned to his desk and sat down. "Who uncuffed you?"

"That'd be me." Wayne said, glaring at him. "I think you've made your point here, son."

I groaned and rolled my eyes. This whole thing was ridiculous and unbelievable. "Can I go yet? I need to go pick up Abel." I snapped harshly. "I didn't do anything wrong." I'd decided when I was in the back of the police cruiser I was going to deny it. It's my word against his. Of course Zoebelle is rich and has clout and I'm no one special. We'll see how well this goes.

God. When Jax finds out he's going to be so royally pissed at me for confronting Weston like that. I was in control of the situation though. Weston wouldn't have tried anything with people walking up and down the sidewalk looking in the window.

"Zoebelle said you came into his store and assaulted one of his employees. Do you want explain that to me?" Hale questioned me.

"Oh my god! I didn't assault anyone! Do I look like I can harm someone? I'm three months pregnant. The only thing I'm a danger to is food." I half laughed.

Hale cleared his throat and sighed. We'd gone over this probably three times and my answer had stayed the same. "And the brick just magically flew through the window?"

"Window's break all the time. Maybe it had a crack in it? Ever think about that? Maybe a bird flew through the window? I don't know. It wasn't me. I really have to pee!" I stomped my foot, fighting the urge not to pee my pants. Baby Rae had found my bladder in the last half hour and was now using it as punching bag or kick bag. "Seriously, don't you have a serial killer to find or unsolved murder to solve. Or is this the biggest thing on the docket for today?"

Part of me wanted to just come clean and tell the truth. A huge part of me. But the words just wouldn't leave my mouth. It would make things so much easier if I could tell the truth. Gemma would be shattered though. I still felt like I owed her my silence. If it weren't for her who knows what would have happened to me that might. I could have lost the baby. That's something I couldn't bare to even think about.

"I think she's free to go. Zoebelle could be trying to run an insurance scam here and he's using her to do it, we don't know. But we do know no witnesses on the street came forward and said she did anything." Unser spoke, giving me a hand up out of my chair. I was thankful for his presence here.

"She's being charged with malicious mischief." Hale challenged.

"She ain't being charged with a god damn thing. I'm still the Chief of Police and I like to think that means I'm in charge." Unser snapped, looking at Hale with such disdain. "You go on home, Rowan. You can use the phone over there on the desk to call someone for a ride."

I watched the two police officers stare at each other, waiting for Hale to slap the cuffs back on me, but Hale never moved.

"Thank you…" I mouthed as I passed him.

- **SOA** -

I was sitting on the front steps of the police station when Lena pulled onto the lot. I'd tried calling Gemma but her phone kept going to voice mail which worried me slightly. I got in Lena's car and slammed the door shut as quietly as possible because Abel was asleep in the back. There was a huge body pillow filling up the remainder of the back seat along with a few bags from Babies R Us. When my eyes finally met Lena's she was grinning from ear to ear.

"Don't enjoy this!" I half laughed, shaking my head.

"How did you get arrested and is there a video of it?" She laughed, pulling back out onto the road.

"It's a long story." I sighed.

Lena eyed me suspiciously out of the corner of her eye as we drove along. "What's going on, Ro? You've been weird for weeks now and now this? Getting arrested is more my thing than yours."

"I wanted to check it off my bucket list." I lied.

Lena pulled off onto the side of the road and shut the car off. Come on, Lena. Don't push me. Not today. "Spill. Now. I'm not moving until you do."

I stared at my best friend and sat there in silence for what felt like an eternity. Telling her the truth would just drag another person into this lie, but I don't think I can lie to someone else. "If I tell you the truth you have to swear not to say anything to anyone. Especially Opie."

"I swear. Real talk, let's go." Lena snapped her fingers to hurry me along.

"I lied, Lena. I never hit a tree with my car. There was no accident." I started out saying.

Lena looked confused as I went on. "Gemma and I were attacked that night going home and we faked being in a car accident to cover it up." Tears welled in both our eyes.

"What? Why? I don't understand! Who attacked you? Oh my god, we're you…?" She exploded with questions.

"I wasn't… but Gemma was. That's why we lied. She knew if we told Deacon, Clay and Jax the truth they'd go after who did it. They'd end up getting hurt, Lena."

"Who did it? Do you know? Why didn't you tell me sooner. I could have done something, been there for you more." Lena's heart was breaking and mine was right along with it.

"An enemy of the club. Zoebelle. The guy that bought Shermans old store. He's not who he makes himself out to be, Lena. You have to stay away from him!" I grabbed her hand and squeezed it tight. Lena leaned over and hugged me, wrapping her arms around me tightly.

"I'm so sorry." She pulled back and wiped her eyes and then wiped the tears off my cheeks.

"I confronted Zoebelle this morning and ended up throwing a brick through his store window. The asshole had me arrested." I laughed. It was so stupid it was funny. Once I started laughing I couldn't stop. And before I knew it Lena was laughing too.

We laughed so hard we were out of breath and gasping for air. Lena looked at me seriously after a moment. "You have to go back into the station and tell the cops. They can't just get away with this!"

"I can't, Lena. It has to stay between us. Jax can't find out about this. The attack or me getting arrested. If he does I'm afraid he'll do something stupid and get himself killed. Please, promise not to say anything. We take this to the grave."

I held up my pinky for her to take with her own.

She looked like she was debating, but ultimately laced her pinky with mine. "Promise. To the grave."

We sat there quietly letting the reality of the situation sink in.

"You know I'm not stupid, right? I know the club is into illegal shit. Would it really be such a bad thing if they put those assholes in their place?" Lena asked quietly.

"It's only a matter of time. When the club finds out what happened I don't think Charming will be the same…" I whispered, truly believing Jax and my dad would turn Charming inside out to get to Weston and Zoebelle. Jax killed Kohn for what he did to me. That was nothing compared to this.

"Why is there a pillow the size of you in your backseat?" I laughed again, wiping my eyes, trying to lighten things up a bit.

"It's for you! It's a pregnancy pillow! You can cuddle with it. It's supposed to be good for you or some shit. I honestly only got it because I figured Jax would hate it. Then Opie confirmed he'd hate so it was a no brainer." She laughed and clapped her hands together once like a seal. I loved how dorky she was.

"He's going to hate it. Jax doesn't like anyone or anything that I can potentially cuddle with besides him. This pillow is no exception." I grinned, looking at Abel in his car seat over my shoulder. He was so precious it hurt my heart sometimes.

"Well then my mission is complete." Lena pulled back out onto the road and merged back in with traffic, despite the honking horns of the other drivers.

"I think we need to go to the tracks." Lena smiled at me and made me grin in response.

We loved going to the old train tracks out by Falling Branch.

I was glad she knew the truth.

I just wished Jax and the others knew too.

Something brushed against the back of my leg and I screeched and lifted my foot up. "Please tell me Carlos is running loose in here because something just touched my leg!"

Lena smirked and reached down under her seat with one hand. She pulled her pet bunny Carlos out and sat him on her lap. "He was lonely at home…"

"Why are you so weird?" I laughed. "Most people have dogs and cats as pets, not chunky Easter bunnies!"

"Hey, now! You know we don't mention Easter around Carlos! He was left on Easter! Some bratty kid got a bunny in his basket and then tossed him to the side! It took years of therapy to get over that! Easter is a dark word."

I picked Carlos up off her lap and snuggled him.

 **A/N: Thank you so so so much for your reviews! I say it all the time, but they mean everything o me! So please keep em' coming! ;)**


	108. Chapter 108: Fresh Ink

**Chapter 108** **  
** **Rowan's Point of View**

Rain sprinkled down from the sky on to Lena and me as we stood in front of her car. We'd driven out to Falling Branch and were staring down at the rusty old train tracks before us. Lena knelt down and placed her hand on the metal track and smiled. "I can feel it vibrating. It's close!" She jumped up and grabbed my arm.

We heard the hissing and groaning of something off in the distance.

"I didn't think the trains still ran through here anymore." I said aloud, looking out past the tracks. Falling Branch was an old train yard here in Charming. Rusted box cars and old shipping containers sat emptied just over the tracks.

"Only once or twice a day now. I still come out here sometimes. I made out with Zac Pearson in that old box car over there." Lena laughed, pointing. "He was such a stuck up tool. He thought a hobo was going to rob us out here." Zac Pearson. Ugh. He was a total asshole in high school. He hit on anything with a pulse and acted like gods greatest gift to mankind.

I glanced over my shoulder at Lena's car to check on Abel. He was still snoozing inside with the A/C running.

"Abel is fine." Lena emphasized the word fine. "God. You worry to much."

"He's my responsibility. Of course I worry about him. If something happened to that little boy on my watch I'd die." I freaked out a little bit. "Seriously, can we get back in the car?"

"No! You need to release some pent up frustration and so do I. We are doing this!" Lena demanded.

"I can release my pent up frustrations with Jax." I smirked, biting my lip.

Lena rolled her eyes and faked gagging by sticking her finger down her throat. I laughed as she grabbed my hand and pulled my forward slightly. The sound of the train intensified as it grew near. It's been so long since Lena and I came out here together. I remember when she showed me this back in tenth grade after Will Morris told everyone I let him fuck me in his car during lunch. I never even let him touch my hand. He'd borrowed my Chemistry notes once and that was the only time we'd spoken to each other. Rumors started going around that I was a slut and guys believed I put out. I was supposed to go to homecoming with a cute guy in my English class, but it turned out he only asked me because I was easy. I'd found that out when he grabbed my ass and pushed himself against me on my way to the bathroom at the dance. I'd kneed him in the groan and Lena may or may not have accidentally slammed his head into a locker.

When Ms. Walker, the guidance counselor asked what had happened we said he had slipped and hit his head.

She drug me out here in the middle of the night in my silk homecoming dress to scream at the trains as they passed by. I screamed until my throat hurt and the tears turned into nothing but laughter.

Lena smiled and squeezed my hand, making me squeeze hers back in return. After today, I really did need this, and Jax.

The train roared and rumbled as it sped closer and closer towards us down the tracks. I glanced over my shoulder at Abel in Lena's car hoping the noise wouldn't disturb him. The crossing signs lit up and blinked red flashing lights as the safe guards came down. I gripped the metal safety bar and saw the train coming down the tracks. The wind whipped as it sped by and Lena and I screamed our heads off. I closed my eyes tightly and just screamed, letting it all out.

Kohn.

My mom dying.

The attack.

The lying.

I just let it all out.

The cool wind coming off the train felt marvelous against my warm skin. The train rattling mixed in with our screams. If anyone saw us they'd say we were insane, hell, maybe we are, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Lena's screams turned into laughter and pretty soon mine did too, only my laughter turned into tears. Lena wrapped her arms around me and hugged me as tightly as she could with my belly sticking out between us. Even over the sound of the training passing by I could still hear her say. "It's gonna be okay."

- **SOA** -

After we left Falling Branch Lena and I ended up parked outside of Sonic eating fries and milkshakes. Bless his soul, Abel somehow remained asleep through the train passing by. We were sitting in the back seat with Abel so he wasn't all alone. He was wide awake and playing with the toys hanging on his car seat.

"All I'm saying is I'd love to be present when Jax goes after those assholes that hurt you. I wanna go after them." Lena said, shoving fries in her mouth angrily and rubbing Carlos ears. He was perched on her lap sniffing the scent of fries in the air with his cute little pink nose. "I remember walking by and seeing Jax throw your dick of a landlord through a glass window. It was epic. What was that about anyway? You never told me."

"It was just club stuff." I shrugged, not pulling my best friend into a murder.

"That was so hot. I wish I had someone that would throw someone through a window for me." Lena spaced momentarily.

"I'd throw someone through a window for you any day." I smiled.

Lena placed her hand over her heart and batted her eyelashes dramatically. "For little ole me?"

I tossed a fry at her face and laughed along with her. "Speaking of special someone's, what is going on with you and Opie? I'm just asking for Jax, he's been wondering."

"You're asking because you're a nosey little shit." Lena touched my nose, I smacked her hand away playfully. She chuckled and shrugged. "I don't know. I was watching the kids last night and we ordered a pizza when he came home and watched Finding Nemo on tv with the kids. I fell asleep next to him on the couch."

"You 'Finding Nemo'd' him!" I held my hand up and she gave me a high five. "Wait, you fell asleep and then you took his kids to school this morning?" My eyes widened. "You stayed the night!"

"Nothing happened! Which is really weird for me. I'm not used to staying with a guy and actually keeping my clothes on. It was kinda nice." Lena answered truthfully. "I don't think he's really ready to move on from Donna quite yet and I don't know if I'm ready to be a mom to his kids, ya know?"

I understood that more than she'd ever know. The being a mom part. I placed my hand on my stomach and looked over at Abel's wide eyed gaze. "I still don't know what the hell I'm doing when it comes to mom stuff. The other night Abel would not stop crying and Jax wasn't home, I had no clue what to do. I was so anxiety ridden that I picked up my phone and called my mom to ask for help…half way through letting it ring I remembered she's not there to answer it." My eyes welled up just thinking about my mom. I remember after I hung up the phone I just sat down on the couch with Abel and cried with him for a little while.

Lena stared at me and grinned. "Ro, you've got being a mom down pat. Trust me."

"I don't know about that."

"Are you kidding me? Abel freaking adores you. You'd take a bullet for that kid without thinking twice. You've been that little boys momma since the day he was born whether you believe it or not. You're Abel's fucking world. Being a mom isn't just about taking care of the dirty diapers and feedings, it's showing love and compassion, which you've done those two things your entire life." Lena said, squeezing my forearm. "I have a shitty mom, so trust me, I know when I see a good one. You've been a mother hen since we were fucking kids, bringing me lunches in the sixth grade."

I couldn't help but laugh. "You were always stealing mine!"

"No, it wasn't that. You knew my mom didn't do shit for me. You saw it that time you came over. The empty cabinets and fridge. Her stoned out of her mind." Lena shook her head disgusted.

I hated how Lena's mom treated her like shit. She did it to her her entire life and it made me sick. "Your mom is such a bitch." I muttered under my breath.

"Retweet!" Lena chimed in.

"For the record, Opie's kids are lucky as hell to have you in their life, I know I am." I said, meaning every single word.

 **Jax's Point of View**

The whiskey burnt my throat as it slid down into my stomach. The buzz of the tattoo gun in Nat's hand filled my ears. It was a sound I loved. Most people found getting a tattoo painful, me, I found it fucking amazing. After a few seconds of the needle piercing your skin a thousand times per second the skin goes numb and all you feel is a slow burn. A scratch almost. I fell asleep when I got the reaper on my back.

"Rough day?" Nat asked, glancing up from the work she was doing on my forearm, watching me drain the rest of the whiskey bottle in my hand.

"You have no idea." I smirked, tossing the bottle out into the lot we were all partying in. We met up with the Nakoma boys and handed the guns off to them so they could run them down the coast. Our part of the run was over and now it was time to relax and party.

We'd managed to get Tig back safe and sound, which is a miracle since we went through a fucking building with a tow truck. Piney is a crazy bastard. But it worked. I was on edge with everyone it seemed tonight. Deacon. Clay. Opie.

Opie thinks I want the gavel from Clay. I don't know if I can trust my best friend anymore with him getting so cozy with Clay. Ope thinks I gotta get over my dead daddy issues. He has no fucking clue what I need to get over. If he knew the truth he'd be singing a different tune when it came to Clay. I know he'd be backing me, not him.

"She must be special." Nat grinned, wiping my arm, removing the excess ink. "If you're getting her name tattooed on your arm."

Nat was a young girl that always seemed to pop up at these charity run parties up this way. Girl couldn't be no more than fifteen sixteen years old. She always had her hair in a side braid and a KISS t-shirt on.

"She's special." I smiled, looking down at Rowan's name coming to life on my forearm.

I was avoiding the guys and trying to clear my head and ended up in Nat's chair getting inked. I wanted to show Rowan that I was serious about her. About us. I wanted her with me on my arm everyday. I needed her to know that she's my number one girl. Nothing and no one will ever change that. Getting her name tattooed on my arm is the only way I know how to show how much she means to me without fucking proposing to her.

"You wouldn't believe the amount of guys I've tatted that regret getting chicks names on their arms." Nat laughed, sitting the tattoo gun down. She wiped the black ink down off my arm and smiled, proud of her work. Kid had fucking talent, I'd give her that.

"I ain't got no regrets when it comes to her. No matter what happens she'll always be special to me. She'll always be a part of me, you know?" I smirked, standing up.

I dug two hundred dollar bills out of my wallet and slipped it in her hand. She looked up at me, shocked. "We agreed on fifty. That's too much, dude."

"How old are you?" I asked, taking in her small frame. The guys here could eat this scrawny little kid alive if they wanted to. Not that they would.

"Too young for you, ken doll. My dad is that burly bearded fucker over there by the bar who's been eyeing you for the last half hour. He brings me to these things so I can practice my skills." She winked at me and waved to her dad. I grinned. "Keep the money. You earned it."

I strolled through the lot smoking a cigarette, enjoying the burn and ache of my tattoo. Rowan would probably shit when she first saw it. I walked past Opie and Bobby and the others smoking a joint sitting at a table and grabbed their bottle of Whiskey. I found my way out to where we'd parked our bikes and sat down next to Deacon on his.

I took a swig of the whiskey and offered it to him. He took it and guzzled it like it was ice tea.

"The guys are starting to pick up on this shit with Clay." Deacon said, glancing over at me. "You need to lock it down unless you're willing to explain it all. They ain't stupid."

"I know." I mumbled, taking the whisky back.

We sat in silence for a while watching some guys race their bikes on the road to our left.

I sighed, knowing I needed to make this shit right with Deacon for Rowan's sake.

"Look, man, I'm sorry you had to walk in on me and Rowan this morning. It wasn't cool." I started to say, resting my arm over my handle bars. "I love your daughter, Deacon. I've respected her from the very beginning. I have too much respect for you to treat her like a god damn croweater. She means everything to me. I need you to hear me when I say that."

Deacon groaned as he got up off his bike, his age showing slightly. He sighed, loud and long, before turning to me. "You know I've never been afraid of anyone, but I was scared shitless of Becca's father. He owned a scrap yard before he passed away. I remember when I met him the first time. He saw me with my Harley and cut and he looked me square in the eye and said none of that meant shit when it came to his daughter, he said a woman is to be respected and cared for no matter what, if I were to do anything less than that with his daughter he'd put me so far in the ground the earths core would melt the skin off my dick. Granted, he's saying all this with a blow torch in his hand."

I laughed, not quite being able to imagine Deacon being afraid of anything.

"I ever see your dick again, kid, I'll burn it off." Deacon patted my shoulder, making me lower my head laughing. "Keep that shit at home where I can pretend it doesn't happen."

"I can do that." I promised. "You should talk to Rowan when you get back. Let her know seeing that didn't change anything between you."

"I will." Deacon nodded, then walked off.

I sat there and listened to the party taking place around me drinking the whiskey in my hand. Clay strolled over and sat down on his bike without a word. My jaw tensed as I gauged how this conversation was gonna go. We hadn't spoke all evening since we took a swing at each other over how to go about getting Tig back.

"I didn't know what Piney was doing until we were crashing through." I said, tasting bile in my throat even having to explain myself to Clay. I don't owe him anything, but I gotta smooth shit over for the sake of everyone.

"I don't give a shit about today. Where does this go tomorrow? Next week?" Clay wondered aloud, confusing me.

"Where does what go?" I spat.

"Your need to undermine my ever god damn play." Clay spoke, but he didn't look at me.

"I got no need to undermine you. The things I call out are about the club." And they were, mostly.

"No. It's about you and me."

"Maybe. I guess I just gotta get right with you. What you did." I clenched and unclenched my fist involuntarily.

"Yeah. You do." Clay finally looked at me smugly through the darkness.

I scoffed. "Well, you've got decades of experience. Why don't you tell me how I do that? How I get right with you trying to kill a brother behind the clubs back? Your trigger boy blowing an innocent woman's head off in the process."

"You're gonna have to figure that one out for yourself, son." Clay said, showing no remorse or guilt for his actions that led to this. "But, I'd do it soon. Because the next time you mention Donna or the incident again, I'll kill you."

Clay got up and walked off letting his poisonous words linger in the air. If I didn't put some distance between Clay and I tonight there's no telling what I'd do. I tossed the whiskey bottle in the bushes behind me and grabbed my helmet. I started my bike up and took off out of the lot, heading home.

- **SOA** -

It was late when I pulled into the drive. Probably working on three in the morning. Rowan had left the porch light on for me like always. It made me smile as I walked through the front door quietly. I hung my cut up by the door and wondered down the hallway to our bedroom. The television was on casting light across the bed. Rowan was curled on her side in nothing but an old oversized button up shirt and panties. Abel was sacked out in front of her. She had a pillow on the other side of him so he wouldn't fall off the bed and her arm wrapped around him protectively. The sight alone made my heart swell and sway in ways I didn't know it could.

I peeled my shirt off as I toed out of my shoes and walked around behind her. I slid into bed behind her trying not to wake her up, but failing, she jumped slightly. "It's me. It's okay. It's just me." Her body instantly relaxed at hearing my voice and feeling my hand slip onto her stomach.

"What are you doing back? I thought you wouldn't be home until tomorrow night?" She asked, sleepily. "Is everything okay?" She gently rolled onto her back to face me.

I leaned down and pressed my lips against hers, running my hand up her stomach and over her breast until it cradled the side of her face gently. She sighed happily as I pulled back. "Everything's fine. It sounded like you needed me more than the guys did, so I came home early."

"You came home early for me?" She seemed surprised.

"Of course." I kissed her sleepy little face. "You okay, babe? You seemed upset on the phone this afternoon."

"I just had a shitty day. I missed my mom and I missed you." She whispered, touching my bare chest. "Everything's just better when you're here."

"I'm here now." I assured her. "I missed you."

Rowan smiled through the darkness and kissed my chin. I glanced over at Abel and smirked. If he wasn't in bed right now I'd take her right here and now. "You know he shouldn't be sleeping with us right?"

"He's a better cuddler than you are." Rowan half laughed looking over at my son.

"What do you say I put little man in his crib and then I repay the favor you paid me this morning?" I whispered in her ear seductively, letting my hand slide down to her thigh. Her hips raised slightly as she shifted closer to me on instinct. I rubbed her thigh gently, brushing my nose against hers, nipping at her bottom lip.

"By that you mean ordering a cheese pizza and cuddling, right? Because I could really go for that."

I paused, really wanting sex, but that actually sounded really good to me since I drank on an empty stomach and my shoulder was killing me from the ride back. "That's not exactly what I had in mind, but it sounds good to me." I grinned, kissing her.

I got up and put Abel in his crib and ordered a pizza before heading back into the bedroom with Rowan. She'd turned the lamp on and was now sitting up in bed, holding a fucking gigantic pillow. "What the fuck is that?" It looked like a person.

"It's a present from Lena. A pregnancy pillow. I can cuddle with it." She squeezed the pillow and then noticed the look on my face. "What?" She laughed.

"Yeah, that's gotta go." I changed into a pair of sweat pants and stared at the pillow. I didn't like it. The fact it was the size of me, made me uncomfortable for reasons I couldn't explain. It literally looks like she's hugging some other dude. "I can't handle that. I can handle a lot, but not that. I'm gonna come home and see you curled up with that and think some other dude is in bed with you. Just no."

Rowan laughed, shaking her head. "You're an idiot."

I grabbed the pillow and drop kicked it down the hallway despite her protests not to do so. "If you're gonna cuddle with anything, it's gonna be me." I slid into bed with her and wrapped my arms around her as she laughed. I hissed when I felt her grab my freshly tattooed arm.

"Are you okay?" She asked, concerned. "Did I hurt you?"

"Not exactly…" I held my arm up for her to see. "I got new ink."

Rowan smiled, looking down at my arm and then her smile slowly faded as she realized what I got tattooed on my arm. "That's my name. On your arm."

 **A/N: Sorry for the wait guys! Hope you enjoyed this extra long chapter! More Jax and Rowan cuteness coming in the next one, maybe a little adult time too! ;) Also, more Lena and Rowan bonding! I'm slowly trying to work Lena into the story more and develop her and Opie, but Rowan and Jax will always be the main priority for this story! What do you think of Jax's new ink? Hehe**

 **I wanna give a special thank you to my new beta reader: yo_its_lou on Instagram! She's an amazing artist so check her out!**


	109. Chapter 109: I Want Crazy

**Chapter 109**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Jax was now sitting up in bed, facing me. I sat silently knelt on my knees in front of him staring at the black ink etched onto his forearm. My name was spelled out in bold lettering. It looked absolutely beautiful, but I didn't know how to feel about him permanently marking my name on his body. It was just so, permanent. Which is stupid, yes, I realize, since I'm pregnant with his child and there's nothing more permanent than a baby, but still. My mind was working into overdrive.

"You've been quiet longer than I ever thought you could be. You know now might be a good time for you to say something?" Jax arched his eyebrow. My eyes were all but bugling out of my head as I chewed my thumbnail.

"I'm processing. It takes a minute." I replied. Why did this make my heart seize up in my chest. It was incredibly sweet and sexy for him to do this, but I was still slightly panicked.

What if he regrets it? What if he ever regrets me?

"I know. I can see the loading symbol spinning above your head." Jax chuckled, inching closer towards me. "Babe, say something…"

I held up one finger. "I'm gonna need a few more minutes."

There was a knock at the front door. No doubt the pizza delivery guy. Jax got up and went to the door and returned a few seconds later carrying a large pizza box in his hands. It smelled delicious.

He sat it down on the bed and then sat back down in front of me. He put his knees up so they were encasing me on both sides.

"What you did is incredibly sweet, but…" I started to say.

"But?"

Jax let his legs fall and pulled me onto his lap so I was straddling him. His hands rested on my hips gently. Being this close to him always made me feel safe and secure and loved. I loved having his undivided attention. Every time he looked at me when we were this close it felt like he was memorizing every part of me.

"You know I love you more than anything. Saying I love you just seems so small compared to how I actually feel about you, Jax." I placed my hands on his bare shoulders, sliding them up around his neck.

"I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you. But it's so permanent. We don't know what the future is going to bring. What if you change your mind about me? What if you wake up one day, roll over and look at me and realize that you don't want a crazy neurotic girlfriend who can't cook to save her life, who binge watches three seasons of Parks & Recreation in one day and eats pickles and peanut butter. What if you don't want to put up with my sudden outbursts of excitement and anger. We...we…we don't know what the future is going to bring. I just don't want you to regret it."

"You forgot to add you speak in run on sentences and you can't pick a place to eat to save your life, so we end up going to fifty fucking places and get one thing off each menu." Jax smirked, squeezing my sides. I sighed and scrunched up my nose because he was making fun of me.

"Don't make fun of me…" I started to say, but was cut off my Jax's lips against my own. His lips were warm and caressed mine lightly. I opened my mouth, granting him the access he wanted and felt his hand slide up my side to caress my neck. We pulled apart after a moment.

"I know about all your quirks and flaws, just like you know about all of mine. Honestly, I love every single one of yours. I didn't do this on a whim, Ro." Jax showed me the tattoo again. I traced my fingers just outside of each letter, being careful not to touch the fresh ink. I glanced back up at Jax when he started speaking again.

"I've wanted to do something to show you how much you truly mean to me for a while and this was it. I love you. I want you close even when we're apart. I wanna look down and see your name on my arm and remember that I have something worth not dying for waiting for me at home."

"Jax…" I whispered, touching his face lightly.

"And you're right. We don't know what the future could bring, but what I do know is I'm never gonna regret you. I'll never regret this tattoo because no matter what happens between us you will always be special to me. You'll always be the girl that I truly gave my heart to. I might have loved Tara, but she never had me the way you do. She never fully had my heart. You do. Jesus. You've had it since that day in the diner. You'll always be the girl that gave me my daughter." Jax slipped his hand onto my belly slowly.

"You're my girl and I want the world to know that." With tears in my eyes I leaned forward and kissed Jax. He was the guy for me. No doubt about it. Jax nipped at my bottom lip as I pulled back sending pleasure straight to my core. I fought the urge to tighten my thighs together.

"It was either a tattoo or an engagement ring." Jax smirked, half laughing.

The mention of an engagement ring sent my eyes up to meet his own in an instant. Was he serious? Jax regretted saying that the moment the words came out of his mouth. I I could tell because he closed his eyes, smirking, and then sighed.

I tilted my head to the side. "Is that something you'd want again?" I asked, nonchalantly.

"Jesus Christ." Jax half laughed. "Marriage?"

"Yes…" I said, innocently.

Jax leaned back against the headboard, letting his hands rest on my thighs. "I guess it would depend on the girl."

I smacked him in the chest. "I'm serious!" I laughed. He chuckled, enjoying teasing me. Teasing me was a fucking sport to him, that he took first place in.

Jax sat up slowly, suddenly the lion making me his prey, slipping his hands up under my oversized button up shirt as he went. "Maybe…" His rough hands made contact with my sides and I shifted on top of him moving closer. Jax smirked, taking pleasure in the fact that he was leaving me hanging and making me squirm. "Someday…" he whispered against my lips, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. "You?"

Two could play this game.

My hands found his chest and roamed over each bulge and contour. "Maybe…" I spoke against his lips, feeling how much he was starting to enjoy this taunting game hitting me between my legs. His hand inched its way to the small of my back, pulling me even closer. He arched his eyebrow at me as he slid his hand down my panties onto my ass. "Someday…" I smiled.

Jax pulled one hand out from under my shirt and held my neck. I glanced down to see it was the arm with my name on it. "You know I really do think it's extremely sexy."

His lips just barely touched mine. I couldn't help how turned on I was right now in this moment. This was one hormonal change I liked about being pregnant. Jax used his free hand to slowly start guiding my hips forward and back, helping me grind against him.

"So you like it?" He asked, before his lips found my neck.

"Mhmm…" I mumbled, slipping my hand into the back of his hair. His lips caressed the skin from my ear down. The warmth from his breath hitting my skin was sending shivers down my spine. Jax had a way of setting my world on fire with just a simple kiss.

I titled his head up so he was looking at me, grinding against his hard on, desperately just wanting him inside of me. Heat was beginning to pull between my thighs. "I especially like it because now all of the croweater's know who you belong with." I slid my hand down his chest and played with the waistband to his sweatpants.

"You know I thought you were pretty sexy this morning in the office." Jax said, reminding me.

"Oh god…" I hung my head and closed my eyes.

Jax lifted my head and cradled the sides of my face. He kissed me, slipping his tongue into my mouth and working it over and over. He pulled back even though I wanted more. "I'm serious. It was hot as fuck. I like when you take what you want when you want it."

"Oh yeah?" I arched my brow at him, biting my bottom lip.

"Hell yeah." Jax grinned.

"I want something now…" I smirked at him. Slowly, I unbuttoned each button on my shirt keeping eye contact with Jax the entire time. His jaw tensed. His tongue slide across his lips, driving me fucking insane.

"What exactly do you want?" Jax asked in a husky voice, letting his eyes fall to my chest as I shouldered out of my shirt. I reached around and unhooked my bra and tossed it on the floor.

Jax ran his hands up my back and pulled me tight against his chest, my breasts were against his chest and the skin on skin contact felt so nice. He was warm and strong and sturdy, everything I needed him to be. I kissed his jawline, making my way to his ear. "I want you…to fuck me."

Jax let out a gasp and stared into my eyes, a mischievous grin working its way onto his face. "Oh, babe. You don't know what you're asking. I've been sweet and soft with you all this time. I can be hard and rough. You sure you want that?"

"I'm sure." I said confidently. He was driving me insane right now. The bulge in his pants was growing and hitting me right where I wanted him. I wanted him to rip my panties off and just take me. My hormones were haywire at the moment and I just wanted him to relieve the pressure growing inside of my body before I exploded.

Every time he moved his hands and glided them over my body, it left goosebumps on my skin.

"Say it…tell me what you want." Jax demanded.

"Fuck me." I whispered against his ear.

That was all it took to spur Jax into action. His lips caressed every part of exposed skin he could find, my neck, my chest, my breasts. His warm hands roamed up and down my back sending my body into another dimension. Jax grabbed my panties and literally ripped them off. I laughed into another heart stopping kiss.

Jax pushed his pants and boxers down, letting his erection spring free. My core tightened as his cock glided against my entrance. I felt like I was on fire as heat coursed through me. Jax was about to keep going, but paused. "If I'm a little rougher, it's not going to hurt…her?" He looked at my stomach.

"No, you can't hurt her. I promise. Sex during pregnancy is actually good. It helps my body get ready for child birth and this is probably killing the mood for you, isn't it?" Jax stared at my stomach, probably contemplating if his dick was touching the baby. I saw the inner struggle on his face. On one hand he was horny and wanted to fuck and on the other he was grossed out and worried.

"It's okay, if you don't want to do anything." I assured him.

"Are you kidding me?" He scoffed and grabbed my neck pulling my lips towards his. He slowly pushed inside of me, making me gasp. My head fell to his shoulder as I ran my hands into the back of his hair, gripping it for support. I could feel Jax's beard scratching against my neck as he sucked and teased the skin.

Jax's rested one hand on the small of my back and the other was grabbing my ass. We both started moving our hips against each other, finding an intoxicating rhythm. Jax's movements were quicker than usual and I threw my head back moaning as he slammed in and out of me. He would pull almost all the way out forcing me up higher on my knees before pulling me back down onto his cock.

The coil inside me tightened with each stroke. "God, I love having your tits against me." Jax moaned, resting his face against my breast as I cradled his head in my hands. It turned me on even more when he talked dirty, I didn't know why, but it did. I never knew I was the kind of girl that liked that sort of thing, but yet here we are. Although, Jax can make anything sexy. He could say coco puffs and my panties would be soaked.

We were so close I didn't know where my body ended and his began.

Jax kept moving in and out rapidly, making me moan with each stroke of pleasure. Since I became pregnant and my belly had started to grow slightly we'd had to start trying different positions during sex and this was by far my favorite. I loved being on top of him, feeing him from a new angle, him hitting places I never even thought possible.

"Oh god," I cried out, gasping for a breath. My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest as the pressure kept building. "You feel so good. I love when you're inside me." My toes curled as Jax took my breast in his mouth and sucked on my already peaked nipple. The skin was so tender and it felt so incredible having his tongue swirl around my nipple that I dug my nails into his skin. "Jax," I cried out against his head.

It took three more hard thrusts before my world shattered. I got the release I desperately needed. Jax's muscles became taut and he tightened his grip on me, holding me closer as he rocked through his own orgasm. A warmth filled us both instantly. I was still having aftershocks from my own orgasm as I slumped down against his chest, sweaty and satisfied. Jax ran his hands through the back of my damp hair and leaned his head against my own.

"That's my girl." He whispered, breathing deeply.

After a few moments of catching our breath, I looked at him. I took his face in my hands and kissed him. "How did you get so good at that? Everything you do feels amazing."

Then I thought about how he could have gotten so good at having sex and shook my head. "Don't answer that." Jax laughed and kissed me back.

"Honestly, I've had sex, good sex, but nothing compares to when I'm with you, babe." I curled up next to Jax's side and let him pull the covers over us.

"Can we eat pizza now?" I eyed the box at the end of the bed. I'd almost forgot about it. Almost.

Jax chuckled, glancing down at my head on his shoulder with a sexy grin, "Maybe after the next round."

- **SOA-**

 **Jax's Point of View**

My eyes opened one at a time as Rowan closed the bathroom door and walked back over to get in bed. Light crept in through the blinds telling me it was morning already, but I wasn't getting up yet and Rowan wasn't either. She curled back up beside me and shivered because she was cold in just my shirt. Her arms wrapped around my torso in a death grip. It was almost like she thought I was gonna drift away.

I wrapped my arm around her and threaded my fingers through her hair, feeling her smile against my chest.

"You okay?" I mumbled, still half asleep.

"Yeah, I just had to pee. I think Rae is using my bladder as a trampoline. She's been kicking me all night." Rowan said, burrowing in closer to me.

"My little ninja in training." I rubbed her shoulder. I had no idea what it was like to carry a kid. How uncomfortable Rowan must be at times.

Rowan chuckled, looking up at me. There's not a lot of things I love to do, but lying in bed wrapped up like this with Rowan was one of those things. I loved these quiet moments in the morning, when it's just us. No club. No parents. No kids, well, other than Rae now. Abel usually slept in most mornings giving us a little time to just be. When he first came home he cried all the time, especially when I was about to get laid. It was like he had a sixth sense about it. 'Oh shit, dads about to fuck, I'm gonna scream bloody murder.'

Rowan was rubbing her hand up and down my chest lightly. We'd fucked two more times last night and ate half the pizza we ordered. It was a much better night then if I would have stayed on the run. I'm glad I'm waking up to her beautiful sleepy little face vs the guys all piss drunk and puking.

"You wanna talk about it?" Rowan asked, playing with my beard.

"Talk about what?"

"What happened while you were gone? I know something happened. Was it Clay?" She questioned lightly. "I could see it on your face when you got home last night, but I didn't wanna press."

I sighed deeply, rubbing a hand down my face. "It's Clay. It's Opie. The Donna thing. Opie thinks I'm gunning for the gavel, I think. He's cozying up to Clay. If he knew the truth he'd be backing me. I feel like I've got everything and everyone against me. Im just trying to do the right thing, fix this mistake. For Opie."

Rowan's lips pressed against my shoulder gently. Her hand found the side of my face and held it. "I know you want to fix what happened, but baby, you can't fix this for Opie, not unless you can bring Donna back. You can't put that weight on yourself, Jax. It's gonna kill you." Rowan stared at me quietly, her lips forming a ghost of a smile. "But I know that'll you'll keep trying to make it right, because it's who you are and you don't wanna see this happen again."

I placed my hand over hers on my neck. God, I could marry this girl.

"Every time I close my eyes to go to sleep I think about Donna." Rowan whispered.

"Me too." I whispered back.

We lied there in silence for a while just holding onto each other, letting the weight leave of chests.

"I was thinking since you're going to pick out baby furniture with Lena I'd get started on cleaning the garage out and that spare bedroom. That way you can get in there and do all your girly baby shit." I said, smirking at Rowan.

"Are you sure you don't wanna come pick out furniture?" She laughed. "Oh, and paint!"

"I'd rather get shot." Rowan smacked me, making me chuckle. "I'll tell you what, you pick whatever you want and I'll paint and we can put the furniture together, together. How's that sound?"

"Like a date!" Rowan kissed me, making other parts of me wake up for the day. "I'm gonna take a shower before Abel wakes up. Do you wanna join me?" She smiled shyly.

"If there ever comes a day where my answer to that question is no, take the gun out of the nightstand and shoot me." Rowan laughed and rolled onto her back and got out of bed. She stood in the doorway to the bathroom and glanced over her shoulder at me before peeling my shirt off over her head.


	110. Chapter 110: New

**Chapter 110**

 **Jax's Point of View**

After taking a long hot steamy shower with Rowan, I got dressed and got to work on clearing shit out of the spare bedroom. The room was full of boxes of my shit from my old dorm at the clubhouse and an old desk and bookcase. I figured I'd clear it all out into the garage so Rowan could get in here and do her thing for Rae's room, then I'd organize the garage. It was nice to be doing something so mundane and boring after all the recent activity with the club.

Every time I walked through the kitchen to get to the garage with a box I watched Rowan interacting with Abel. She'd set him up in his highchair in just his diaper and was letting him pull animal shaped plastic cookie cutters and some of his little blocks out of a pan of blue jello. He was having a blast too; giggling and smiling, smearing jello everywhere, he looked more Smurf than baby at the moment.

"Why the hell did you let him do that?" I laughed, as Rowan tried to wipe down his hands and chest and face. All the while Abel is wiggling about like a worm on a hook.

She laughed and glanced at me over her shoulder. "Because I thought he'd have fun! And he did!" Didn't you, little guy?" She turned her smiling face back to Abel. "Say, it was fun playing in jello daddy! Tell him!" She kissed Abel's nose and he clamped his sticky little hands on Rowan's cheeks. She faked chewed on his fingers.

I leaned against the counter and just absorbed how lucky I was. I just couldn't picture Wendy doing this kinda shit with Abel, sober or not. Rowan has that sweetness and kindness about her that Abel needs. I sure as hell wouldn't have thought to let him play in a pan of jello.

"I think you're gonna need a bath, bug!" Rowan laughed, picking Abel up out of his highchair. Abel looked at me and I smiled, walking towards him. Rowan followed his gaze and stared at me too, grinning.

"Where is my kid? Is he even under all that? He looks like a Smurf?" I smirked, kissing Abel's cheek, tasting blue raspberry jello on my lips.

"He's a very cute Smurf!" Rowan beamed.

I couldn't help but lean down and kiss her too. It was a quick sloppy kiss that only left me wanting more.

"I'm gonna give him a bath." Rowan chuckled, bouncing Abel on her hip.

I nodded and got back to work clearing out boxes.

As I was carrying a box down the hallway I paused at the bathroom door, listening to Rowan singing to Abel. There was no denying she loved that little boy. Sometimes I wondered if she loved him more than me. She was so good to my little boy and he's not even hers. Although, in my eyes, he is hers.

 _May you grow up to be righteous,_

 _May you grow up to be true,_

 _May you always know the truth,_

 _And see the lights surrounding you._

 _May you always be courageous,_

 _Stand upright and be strong,_

 _May you stay forever young._

Wendy would never be a mom to Abel. She may be his biological mother, but she's not his mom. That's why she signed over her parental rights to me because she knew she couldn't hack it as a mother. Rowan? She's got it down pat.

I kept carrying shit from the spare room and dumping it in the garage. All the while Rowan gave Abel a bath and then fed him. I only had a few more things left to carry out of the spare room. I'd texted Chibs to drop by and give me a hand moving the desk and the bookcase because I didn't want Rowan helping me with it. It was way to heavy for her and she's pregnant and not supposed to be lifting things anyway. I walked back into the spare room only to find Rowan picking up a small box.

"What are you doing?" I grabbed the box from her gently.

"Helping. What does it look like? Weirdo." She laughed, shaking her head.

"You shouldn't be lifting anything."

"I'm pregnant not elderly and helpless. That box wasn't even heavy." She stated, confidently. "Abel dozed off in his swing after his bath and bottle. I wanted to give you a hand." She said, following after me down the hallway as I made my way towards the garage.

"You don't know what to do with yourself when he's asleep, do you?" I sat the box down in the garage on top of another one and looked at her standing in the doorway, barefoot and beautiful.

She leaned against the doorway and smirked, scrunching up her nose the way she does. "No." She pouted. "Besides you and Lena he's my best friend."

"That's sad." I teased, wiping the sweat off my forehead with the back of my arm.

"Shut up!" Rowan laughed, shaking her head at me.

She started biting her lip, not taking her eyes off of me. The way she was looking at me stirred something inside me. I made my way towards her slowly and stood in front of her in the doorway.

"You know watching you do manual labor is kind of a turn on…" She said, her voice dripping like honey. I stepped closer, gripping the door jam behind her on both sides, boxing her in, not giving her a chance of escaping me.

"What else turns you on?" I asked, smirking, wanting to hear her tell me everything that gets her going.

Her fingers found the buttons to my plaid shirt and played with them. She pushed off the door jam, stepping into my chest more, looking up at me with a fire burning just behind those baby blues. I could feel the heat between us rising higher and higher with each passing second.

"Watching you work in the garage at TM for starters. Seeing you all sweaty and covered in grease. It does things for me." She bit her lip, watching me. I leaned down to kiss her, but she dodged it by nudging her nose against mine. I still managed to nip the bottom of her lip though. She looked hot as fuck standing here staring up at me like this, so willing and full of desire. "Seeing you in your cut and on your bike isn't bad either."

My hands left the door jam and gripped her hips, pulling her into me more. My dick was already throbbing with need. Rowan's hands slid up and down my chest, making the muscles beneath clench and unclench. "I really like when you wear your hat backwards too." Her hands snaked up around my neck and threaded in the back of my hair. I noticed the way she kept clenching her thighs and shifting from foot to foot, still inching closer to me.

I pressed us both against the door jam, letting my hard on hit her. She gasped silently, her lips forming a small circle. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you were trying to seduce me right now, Collins."

"Is it working?" She gave me a devilish grin.

I glanced down at my dick straining against my jeans. "I'd say it's working."

Rowan attempted to kiss me, but I pulled back, playing the game she started. She looked at me with her flushed cheeks and hungry eyes slightly baffled as to why I didn't kiss her. We'd fucked last night and this morning in the shower. It was clear she was horny and wanted sex right now. I was beginning to think she was insatiable. But I wasn't complaining. Not one bit.

"I wanna hear you say it." I smirked. "You've been all over me, not that I'm complaining, for two days now."

Rowan looked away from me rolling her eyes fighting back a grin. She knew what I wanted her to say.

My hands grazed down her sides and up under her dress to grip her legs, I grabbed them an lifted her up, wrapping her around my waist. Her eyes fluttered closed as my erection hit her, her hips bucking forward seeking me out. When her eyes opened again she tried to kiss me again, but I dodged it and pressed my hips against hers. She let out a low moan and locked her arms around my neck, our foreheads falling together.

"Say it, babe." I smirked, continuing this torturous little dance we were doing. I kept one hand around her thigh holding her up and let the other one slip up her side and caress her cheek. The more I pressed against her the harder my dick got and the more she whimpered. "I bet I can make you come just like this."

Rowan was grasping to hold on. She smirked, her breathing growing more rapidly. I could tell she was getting close. "Fine! You win! I'm horny. I've been horny for days now. My hormones are literally everywhere right now and all I'm craving is you. So for the love of god please just get inside-."

My kiss cut her off before she could finish her sentence. I knew what she wanted and needed. I intended to give it to her. My mouth devoured hers. Our kiss was aggressive and full of need from both sides. I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth before kissing up her jaw to her ear, biting her earlobe. Our hips steadily rocked against each other, fueling the fire. Rowan whimpered, tilting her head to the side, giving me access to her neck. I sucked, nipped, bit. Rowan's nails were digging into the back of my neck. I thrusted my hips into hers, palming her breast.

"Oh god!" Her voice came out more like a whisper. When I looked at her, her eyes were closed. I felt her body tense in my arms and knew she was gone.

I smirked, more turned on then ever. "Did you just?"

Rowan's eyes fluttered open as she relaxed in my arms. Her cheeks flushed pink, embarrassed almost. She nodded her head. "I couldn't hold on…"

Abruptly, I moved out of the door jam and carried her across the kitchen, kicking a chair away from the table. I sat Rowan down on the edge, flinging the placemats and bowl of fruit off the table with a swipe of my hand. "What are you doing?" Rowan gasped and laughed, shocked. "You're going to wake Abel."

She peered over my shoulder and looked towards the living room, as if she could see him from around the corner.

"He's fine." I promised her. "Lay back."

Rowan was so consumed by me and her desire for me that she did as I told her and laid back on the table. My hands slipped under her plaid dress and found her panties and slid them off. I tossed them on the floor then got to work unbuttoning her dress. I leaned down and planted a kiss on her inner thigh, sucking and nipping at the flesh as I moved closer to her wet throbbing pussy. I want about to let that cum go to waste.

"What are you-?" Rowan rose up on her elbows to gaze at me.

I spread her legs open and guided each leg over my shoulder as I leaned down, taking in her glistening folds. I gazed up at her past her small belly and saw her grinning back at me. She was loving this. So was I. I buried my head between her legs, feeling her thighs tighten and clench around me. I held them open as she moaned at the first flick of my tongue over her clit. I slid my tongue up her center and heard another glorious moan. Her hips rose to meet me, searching for that pleasure. I sucked and rolled my tongue over her clit, sucking hard.

"Jesus…" Rowan moaned in pleasure, tightening her feet crossed behind my head. Music to my ears.

I slipped a finger inside of her and glanced up at her to see that she was lying with her head arched back and her arms crossed over her head, trying to hold onto her sanity. I smirked and buried my face in her pussy again, thrusting my finger in and out, adding a second. Her hips bucked and she squirmed beneath me. It wouldn't be long before she'd be coming in my mouth.

And I was right about that.

"Oh, fuck! Jax. Oh. God." She clamped a hand over her mouth and I watched her come, lapping up the honey that followed. Her walls fluttered and pulsed around my fingers, making my dick twitch.

I slowly lapped at her pussy, prolonging her orgasm as long as possible. Her little moans and whimpers became quieter as she lost herself in the moment. Her legs relaxed as she started to come down from that natural high. I looked up at her, licking my fingers clean.

She lied there staring back at me satisfied and content.

Slowly, she sat up, gazing up at me with wide eyes, like I was the only star in her sky. I caressed her cheeks and kissed her, wanting her to taste herself on my lips. The kiss was wet and sloppy. Her hands found my belt and unbuckled it. Just as she was about to pull down my zipper someone banged on the front door, loudly.

"Who is that?" Rowan shrieked. A little gun shy on someone walking in on us. Can't blame her after the other morning.

"What the fuck?" I mumbled, glancing toward the door.

"Jackie boy! Let's get a move on." Chibs hollered from the other side. He knocked or kicked the door again.

"Fuck." I groaned. Rowan quickly started buttoning her dress. "I forgot I texted him to come over and give me a hand with the furniture. Son of bitch."

I stepped away from Rowan as she stood up, finishing up buttoning her dress.

"I'm coming!" I hollered back to Chibs.

I was in the middle of wiping my face off and fixing my jeans when the door swung open. My mother marching inside. "What the hell are you two doing in here that you can't answer the door?"

Gemma spotted Rowan's panties on the floor and my hands at my waistband fumbling with my belt and she knew. "Jesus Christ."

"You know the fucking door is locked for a reason. To keep people out until I open it." I spat at her as she bent down and picked up Rowan's panties.

"You missing these, sweetie." Gemma said, letting them dangle from one finger.

Rowan snatched them from Gemma and looked at me embarrassed. Chibs was being decent and still waiting by the door. I now felt a little of what Rowan felt when Deacon walked in on us. What the fuck am I gonna have to do? Deadbolt the door? Barricade myself in a room with Rowan whenever we wanna fuck? This is ridiculous.

"We are so changing the locks!" Rowan hissed under her breath at me, awkwardly walking past Gemma and Chibs to the bedroom.

"Really, Jackson? Screwing in the kitchen where your baby is gonna eat breakfast?" Gemma looked at me disapprovingly.

"Seriously? You wanna lecture me? I walked in on you and Clay pounding on the kitchen island on more than one occasion, sadly." I shot back.

"Mental imagine I didn't need on this fine morning." Chibs shuddered. "I'm gonna step out and have a smoke. Let me know when ye ready to move something."

I nodded at Chibs, reaching over and grabbing my pack of Reds off the counter. I pulled one out and tried to light it, but my lighter was out. Gemma strolled over, pulling her lighter out of her purse in the process and lit me up.

When I reached up to grab the cigarette she grabbed my arm, noticing the fresh ink on it. "Well, that's certainly new."

I rolled my eyes, waiting for her to say something to piss me off, which with my mother, she almost always did.

"Big step. She getting your crow?" Gemma stepped back, studying my face.

"We're talking about it. Maybe after the baby is born." I said, blowing smoke rings in her direction.

"Talking about it, huh? Things must be getting serious if you're branding her name on your arm." Gemma crossed her arms over her chest.

"She's carrying my daughter, mom. Yeah, I'm serious about her." I inhaled the smoke from my cigarette and blew it out my nostrils, flicking the ashes into the kitchen sink.

"I don't see Wendy's name on your arm." Gemma challenged me.

I smirked, stubbing out my cigarette in the sink and flicking it into the trash. "That's because Wendy wasn't the girl I was gonna marry someday. Rowan is."

I walked past her and headed outside to get Chibs.

 **A/N: Sorry for the long hiatus! I hope you liked this steamy chapter! :) I'm thinking of adding a Lena POV in the next chapter to show her progress with Opie, maybe? Next chapter will take a few days, but it will be so long and have so much drama!**

 **Thank you guys for all your love and support!**


	111. Chapter 111: Recoil

**Chapter 111**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

When I heard Abel crying in the living room I knew I could no longer stay hidden away in the bedroom. First Deacon walks in on us and now Chibs and Gemma. At least this time I wasn't on my knees. I swear to god Jax and I should just consummate in front of the club and get it over with, because at the rate we're going it's going to happen anyway.

I strolled down the hall and into the kitchen. Gemma was holding Abel, bouncing him on her hip. As soon as Abel saw me he reached for me, so Gemma handed him over. "Fun morning, huh?" Her eyebrow arched.

"Not a word. I'm pretending this morning never happened." I shot back. This topic was not open for discussion. My sex life was my sex life.

Gemma raised her hands in mock surrender and pulled out a chair to sit down at the table. "No judging here." She winced and lowered herself down into the chair slowly. She looked miserable and in pain.

Jax and Chibs were in the garage. I could hear their voices echoing into the house even though the door to the garage was closed. I walked over towards Gemma at the table. "Are you still in that much pain?"

Gemma looked up at me, still shifting in her chair uncomfortably. "Yeah, it's getting worse. I'm just so goddamn stiff."

Cara said Gemma could experience pain for a few weeks. Her hormones would take a while to regulate after the rape. "Are you dry?" I asked, keeping my voice low, so Jax and Chibs wouldn't hear.

"Like the Mohave vagina." She grimaced.

"It's the stress your body is under right now. Your body isn't producing enough estrogen. I'll get a prescription for from Cara." I told her, giving her a small sympathetic smile.

We heard Jax and Chibs coming back into the kitchen and I quickly grabbed a coffee mug and poured coffee into it. "Coffee, Gem?"

"Thanks, sweetheart." She played along with my sudden change of conversation and demeanor. I placed it on the table for her and felt Jax slip his arms around my waist from behind. Abel's head swung around to look at Jax.

"Hey, ma, did you get rid of any boxes from my dorm before I moved them here?" Jax asked, suspension lining his voice.

"I might have. Why?" Gemma said, looking at Jax over her raised cup of coffee.

Jax tightened his grip on my hips a bit. "I'm missing a box." It took me a minute to realize where he was going with this and why. John's manuscript; the one Jax half burnt. The one Gemma found and took and we never found. She hadn't mentioned it to Jax or me, since that day in his dorm. Jax never confronted her about it either, he wanted to see what she did with the words her late husband wrote. As far as we could tell she did nothing. But I knew she had to have read it and let the words percolate in her brain these last few weeks. Maybe with the attack happening it just didn't matter anymore to her.

Piney had given us a copy of John's manuscript at Donna's funeral. I'd placed it in a binder and kept it with my school books and notebooks in my bag. Jax and I agreed it was one of the safer places to keep it, since no one would have any reason to mess with my college textbooks unless they were snooping for something.

"You know, now that I'm thinking about it, I got rid of a box of old clothes. Dirty laundry, had a serious stink to it. Must have been some of your old work clothes." She arched her eyebrow, looking at Jax innocently. "Why? What are you looking for?"

"An old Harley manual. Hard to find." Jax leaned against the counter and stared at Gemma. There was a silent conversation being held within this stare.

Abel cooed in my arms, making me bounce him gently and rub his back.

"I'm sorry." Gemma mumbled, sipping her coffee as if nothing were amiss.

Jax smirked, nodding. He walked across the kitchen and picked up a box that had gotten placed on the floor temporarily. Chibs walked up behind him and grabbed his hips as if he were thrusting into him. Jax jumped and laughed, whirling around.

Chibs laughed and took the box from him.

"You remembering breakfast with daddy?" Jax shot at him.

"Oh yeah, kippers and oatcakes. Delicious." Chibs grinned, before disappearing into the garage with the box. Guys are so weird. I shook my head and half laughed at Jax. He reappeared and shook Abel's hand as he reached out towards him.

"Thank you for helping move that ancient desk and bookcase." I said, sincerely.

"No, problem, kiddo. I'd do anything for the two ye." He patted my shoulder. I smiled, always feeling slightly happier in Chibs presence. He was sincere and probably the most normal one of the guys, safe for Jax and Bobby and Deacon.

"Where's the prospect? I thought he was with you?" Jax asked Chibs, placing his hand on the small of my back.

"No. Wee man goes under the knife today." Chibs informed us. Squirming a bit even saying the word knife. It killed me not knowing how Chibs got the slices on his face. I'd always been curious, but it was to personal of a question for me to just blurt on out. "He's getting his sac filled today."

Although, with the scar of my own on my cheek, I felt some camaraderie between the two of us. I think he did too.

"Excuse me?" Gemma blurted out, confused. She didn't know about Eddie's quest for a new set of nuts. Well, technically just one nut.

"He's completing himself." Chibs continued. How he said it all with a relatively straight face was beyond me. It was funny for some reason.

Jax chuckled, rubbing his chin.

"We're supposed to meet Clay." Chibs informed Jax.

"Alright. I'll meet you out front." Jax said. Chibs departed leaving me with Jax and Gemma in the kitchen.

Jax picked up his gun holster off the floor, where it got flung off the table when we were in the middle of… he shrugged it on over his plaid button up and pulled his cut on after. Watching him getting ready to leave was enough to send heat pooling between my thighs again. Everything about him that I found attractive was amplified times a thousand now that I'm pregnant.

"I'll see you in a bit." Jax said, leaning in and kissing me tenderly on the lips. I wasn't quite ready for him to go so I slipped my hand onto his cheek, kissing him again.

Abel suddenly squealed loudly, touching Jax's cheek. We both laughed. Jax looked at me grinning. "I think he liked when we kiss."

"I think he does too." Jax kissed me quickly on the lips and Abel squealed again, jumping in my arms. I kissed Jax on the cheek and he did it again, making us both laugh. He was so fucking cute.

"Keep an eye on my girls." Jax placed a hand gently on the back of Abel's head and kissed him. "See you soon, bud."

He backed away, winking at me, turning to walk out of the kitchen towards the front door.

"Oh, wait!" I yelled, causing Jax to turn on his heel.

"How do you want me to pay for the furniture? What do you think is a good spending cap?" I asked. Not sure how much we should go in debt over baby furniture. I wanted it to be nice and sturdy, but I didn't wanna blow our entire budget out of whack.

Jax walked back in the kitchen and stood in front of me, slipping his hand on my hip.

"Just get what you want. I got it covered."

"Are you sure? Jax, you had most of Abel's stuff handed down to you. New furniture is expensive. The stuff I looked at online was about as much as I pay for a semester of college. Which that's almost due again too. So, I don't know what to do?" I chewed the inside of my lip, thinking things over in my head. I worried about money and our budget. I didn't want us to be strapped with two kids.

"I got it covered. I earn good with the club. Don't worry. I've got your tuition payment and money for the new kids stuff. We're good, babe." He reassured me. Jax kissed my forehead. "Get whatever is gonna make you happy and work well for Rae, okay?"

I couldn't help but smile. "Okay."

Another kiss on the lips and he was gone and out the door. His bike rumbling to life, off to wherever he was off to for the day.

Is almost forgot Gemma was still sitting at the table drinking coffee. She cleared her throat, causing me to look at her. "Well aren't you two just adorable. You've got Jax wrapped around your little finger." Gemma said, dryly. "He's telling you the truth though, he does earn quite well with the club. Plus his salary from TM. You bagged a good one."

I sighed, rolling my eyes, grabbing my purse off the counter, sitting down at the table, Abel on my lap. I dug through it and pulled out a small business card and handed it to Gemma.

She eyed it warily, but took it. "What's this?"

"I made you an appointment to see a therapist. Dr. Lich. Cara recommended her. She's supposed to be really great."

"Why the hell would you go and do something as stupid as that. I told you I'm not talking to know head shrink." Gemma snapped, dropping the card on the table hastily.

"You need to talk about what happened. You need to get this out of your head before you hurt yourself or someone else in the meantime. You won't open up to me, but you need to open up to someone. If you don't, Gemma, this is gonna eat you up inside. It'll turn you bitter and cold. I don't want that for you. I don't want that for him," I glanced down at Abel, he was trying to stick my fingers in his mouth. "Your grandkids need a grandmother. Believe it or not, I need you. Do it for them. Hell, even for me. Please." With my mom gone, I'm going to need Gemma. She's the only mom I know now. If I'm gonna be a good one I'm gonna need to learn from someone. If I turned out to be half as fierce and loyal as she is, that'd be just fine with me. "If you don't, I'm going to tell Jax what happened."

Gemma had no problem using the attack as leverage when it came to me so I was doing the same. She stared at Abel longingly. Probably thinking about watching him grow up. She picked up the card on the table and read it over, her eyes moving from left to right. "I can't go. Insurance and shit. Clay would see it. Ask questions."

"I thought you might say that. The appointment is in my name. It's two towns over. I'll give you my insurance card. If Clay or Jax would find out they'd think it's me. God knows I need therapy. After my mom and everything else. They won't question it. I promise." I reached out and clasped my hand over hers gently. "No more excuses."

Gemma sighed, leaning back in her chair.

"Had this just happened to you, I'd have cut you off a time ago." She finally said. Her eyes met mine. "I was unsure of you when you showed up and became a part of Jackson's life. I was worried you'd be just like Tara. Clearly, I was wrong."

"Wow. Gemma Teller admitting she's wrong." I smirked, bouncing Abel on my knee.

Gemma glared at me, her lips forming a faint grin. "What I'm trying to say is thank you. Everything you've done for Jax. The club. For me. It means a lot."

Tears formed behind my eyes, but they were happy tears. Hearing Gemma say that I made a difference was amazing. It made me feel like I was truly a part of this family, this club. Having her stamp of approval was everything. It's all any of the women at the club strived for, I noticed. And I had it.

I stood up when Abel began to fuss. "You're welcome. But you still have to go."

Gemma rolled her eyes and got up. She placed her coffee mug in the sink and turned on her heel to face me.

"Oh, Deacon told me to tell you to meet him at Nicky's Café. He wanted to buy you lunch. Said he'd meet you there at two." Gemma informed me. "Apparently he wants to clear the air about the other morning, said there was some sort of incident with you and Jax in the office." Her eyebrows rose so high I thought they'd disappear. Of course she knew about that too.

Oh, he told Gemma to tell me. He couldn't call me? He's that ashamed of me that he couldn't speak to me over the phone?

"Yeah, I'll pass on lunch." I turned and headed towards Abel's room so I could change his diaper. That had to be why he was fussy. He always gets like that when his diaper is full.

I placed Abel on his changing table and began switching out the dirty diaper for a new one. Gemma appeared in the doorway.

"You can't cancel lunch."

"I just did."

"Look, I know you're embarrassed. But he's over it."

"Did he say that?"

"Just go and talk to him." Gemma pressed.

Abel's diaper was now changed and I was holding him in my arms again.

"I don't even know what to say to him. He hates me now. And thinks I'm a slut." I whispered the last word for Abel's benefit.

"No, he doesn't. I promise you." Gemma strolled into the room and plucked Abel out of my arms.

"I don't even know where our relationship is going. I feel so lost when it comes to Deacon. I want to have him be apart of my life, but sometimes I think he missed to much of it for that to be a possibility. I mean where do we even go from here?"

"Maybe that's what you should talk about." Gemma pointed out.

I sighed, not wanting to go face him, but knowing I had no other viable options.

"Go on before you're late for class." Gemma pushed me out of the room. I whined and grabbed my shoes by the front door and slipped them on. I plucked my bag off the hook by the door and grabbed my purse off the counter and headed out the door.

 **Lena's Point of View**

"Elle, Kenny, hurry up guys. We're gonna be so late today." I yelled from the Winston's kitchen. It was already almost time for them to be at school and we were still at home.

You never learn anything until after lunch anyway. At least in my humble opinion. School starting before noon is a waste in my eyes. Kids are too tired to pay attention or too hungry because they skipped breakfast trying to save time to get to school on time.

Bullshit.

I was still trying to figure out how to work the toaster. I'd placed two slices of bread in it and twisted the dial, but there was no timer. It just kept clicking. I was peering down at the toast inside when it finally popped, scaring me half to death. I yelped, like every time.

I turned around and saw Kenny staring at me, laughing.

I grabbed two paper towels and quickly tossed the burnt toast onto them. "Here ya go, bud." I handed Kenny a charred block of what used to be bread.

He stared at it. "It's burnt."

It was pretty blackened. "It's added flavor and protein."

"No it's not. It's gross." Kenny laughed, not buying what I was desperate to sell him. I couldn't cook for shit. I had my mom to thank for that. She wasn't exactly Julia Child. She never cooked. Ever. We ordered out when we did eat. Now that's what I do. I order take out.

"I'm not eating that!" Kenny protested, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yeah," I sighed, looking down at the burnt block in my hand. "I wouldn't eat that shi-." I caught myself. "I wouldn't eat that stuff either."

"I know what you wanted to say." Kenny beamed, about ready to crack up.

"I said what I wanted to say. If you go get in the car I will stop and get us donuts on the way to school. Okay?" I bargained.

"Chocolate ones?" Kenny negotiated.

"Duh, they're the best ones." I deadpanned.

Kenny made the 'yes' gesture with his hand and ran full force out the front door. I tossed the toast in the trash. I felt Opie behind me and turned around to see him shaking his head and rubbing his cheek.

"She won't come out of her room." He huffed.

"I've got it." I smiled, walking past Opie and heading upstairs towards Ellie's room.

I'd fallen asleep here again last night. The third time this week. It was awkward but someone felt so natural. Awkward because this was Donna's home, with Opie and her kids. It felt like I was the dirty mistress sneaking in when she was gone fornicating with her husband. But she was dead. Natural because there was an ease between me, Opie and the kids.

"Elle Belle, I'mma comin' in." I said, knocking as I opened her door.

Ellie was sitting on her bed, swinging her feet off the edge of it. She had on a set of overalls like the ones I had on. I sat down next to her on the bed and kicked my legs too. "What's going on?"

"I don't wanna go to school." She pouted.

"I feel you, bro. I do. But you gotta go." I said, keeping my voice cheerful and gentle.

"I miss my mom." She lowered her head and began to cry. Little tears slid down her cheeks and my cold dead heart busted into a million pieces. I put my hand on her back and rubbed it.

I stood up and knelt in from of her. "I'll tell you what. How about just this once, we have a girls day. No school. You can come shopping with me and Rowan and then me and you can go to the movies. How does that sound?"

Ellie wiped her running snotty nose on the back of her hand and nodded. I rubbed the tears off her cheeks with my thumb. "Why don't you go get in the car and we'll take Kenny to school and then it'll be just me and you. I'll even let you join a secret club."

"What secret club." Ellie asked, sniffling.

"The secret breakfast club. You see, me and Rowan came up with this club when we were younger. You get to wear your PJ's all day and go out and eat breakfast. Only the coolest people get in this club. So, obviously you'd be in." I smiled, winking at her.

"Okay." She smiled.

"Put your PJ's on and head to the car. I'll change into mine and meet you and Kenny out there. I'm just gonna make sure it's all okay with your dad." I patted her knee and left her to get her pjs on.

Opie was still in the kitchen when I came back down. He was taking a long swig off of his cigarette. He stubbed it out in the ashtray behind him on the counter and looked at me.

"I think she just needs the day. No school. I told her she could spend it with me, if it's cool with you." I asked, finding myself standing in front of him.

Opie nodded. He's been so lost when it comes to the kids since he lost his wife. I didn't know where we stood as far as our friendship or relationship. All I knew was I liked him and was attracted to him. He wasn't like most guys I spent time with. He hadn't tried to jump my bones and for some reason that made me want him more.

"She's missing Donna." I whispered. Not having the ability to say her name at full capacity.

"That's, uh, fine. She can go with you. I'll be at TM all day." Opie spoke, his eyes lingering on my lips. It was obvious. I licked them involuntarily, stepping forward more, feeling the heat radiating off his large body. He was a force looking down at me.

"Thanks for helping out with them. It means a lot."Opie said, nodding at Ellie as she shot out the front door.

"They're great, really. It beats being at home with my mother. Trust me." I half laughed.

Opie reached out and grabbed my hand, taking me by surprise. "Really, thank you. The kids love having you around and…so do I."

I smiled, staring into his brown eyes. Taking a chance I inched closer. Opie did too. His other hand touched my hip. Warmth from his palm seeping through my clothes. I stood on my tiptoes and kissed him, just barely on the lips. It was so faint, but so amazing. It sent tingles down to my toes. Opie pulled back, dropping my hand.

Shit. Maybe I shouldn't have done that.

"You should go…the kids are waiting." Opie said, recoiling away from me like I had the bird flu. He looked so confused and conflicted.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…" my voice faded.

"Just go!" Opie snapped, pointing to the door.

I got the message of his rejection loud and clear.


	112. Chapter 112: L & O

**Chapter 112**

 **Lena's Point of View**

Ellie and I had dropped Kenny off at school, ten minutes late, I might add. The teachers assistant gave me a dirty look when I walked him inside. It took all my might not to flip her off as I walked out. Like she's never been late a day in her life? Please. Ellie and I were jamming out to Fastest Girl In Town by Miranda Lambert while we were driving down the 18 and our front right tire blew out. We were on our way to wait for Rowan to get out of class so we could all go shopping for baby furniture after, but I didn't think I'd make it to her college, so I turned back and headed straight to TM.

The thought of seeing Opie after this morning made my stomach churn. I'd truly thought he wanted to kiss this morning. He was looking at me so warmly it had made my cheeks blush. When his fingers had touched my hand, I felt a connection between us. Apparently it was one sided. We'd spent a lot of time together with Ellie and Kenny lately. We'd even flirted a lot. I was making dinner for the kids when Opie came home the other night and I was trying to grab a bowl off one of the higher shelves in the kitchen and he'd placed his hand on the small of my back when he reached up to grab the bowl. It lingered there long after as well. I've always been good at reading guys. Why was Opie such a challenge for me?

My car wobbled onto the TM lot, rim scraping the asphalt. I'd left a shit ton of ripped up rubber along the road here, like bread crumbs.

"There's my dad!" Ellie pointed, making me look up towards the garage. I smiled at her in the rear view mirror. She got out of the car and ran towards him.

I got out of the car, feeling my confidence slightly wane as Opie walked towards the car, holding Ellie's hand. It had more to do with being rejected this morning then Harry Potter themed pj's I had on. I promised Ellie a pajama breakfast club day and fully intended to give it to her. It was only slightly embarrassing when I ran back in the house to change into my pj's after Opie kicked me out.

I walked around the car and looked at my fucked up rim, tire missing and all. "It went out on 18." I said, as Opie approached.

He let go of Ellie's hand and knelt down to inspect the tire, or lack thereof. "You drove on this all the way from the highway?" He chuckled, rubbing his chin.

"Thought about changing it, but that would require a spare tire and I don't have one." I shrugged. "It was close enough, so I just turned back and headed here." He stood up and slipped his hands in his pockets, avoiding looking me in the eye.

"Baby, why don't you go play on the playground." Opie told Ellie. She nodded and ran off towards the small play area that was set up near the clubhouse.

This compound was decked the fuck out.

"It's bad, isn't it?" I chewed on my fingernails without thinking.

"The rims shot and the alignment is probably out of whack. I think we have those rims in stock out back. It shouldn't take me long to fix it." Opie nodded, running it through his head. "You can wait for it. I'll bump someone else out of the garage."

"You sure know how to make a girl feel special." I blurted out. I grinned slightly, letting him know I was only teasing. I didn't want this to be weird now. I've made an ass out of myself, but I don't want to ruin our friendship over a stupid kiss.

I was living in the moment when I'd kissed him and not thinking about where he might be emotionally with losing Donna. Was it too soon? How long was long enough?

"Listen—!"

"Listen-!"

Opie and I both spoke at the same time.

His eyes finally met mine and I laughed.

"Can we go in the office and talk for a second?" Opie asked, nervously adjusting the beanie that I swore was permanently glued to his head. I've never seen him without it I don't think. Maybe once?

I nodded and followed him into the tiny office just off the garage. Opie closed the door behind us and scratched the back of his neck. He was awkward and surely just as uncomfortable as I was.

"Nice pj's. Hogwarts? Really?" Opie pointed out, his lips tugging into a smirk beneath his mustache and beard.

I grimaced looking down at my Slytherin tank top and shorts. "I'm a potter head, okay? Don't hate. Besides, you love Harry Potter too. You've seen like all the movies with me and the kids."

"Only because you made me endure them." Opie chuckled, stepping closer towards me. His laugh was so hearty and full. I loved the way his smile reached his eyes. But I hated that I knew that I loved that about him.

"You're name is Harry 'Opie' Winston! You have to like Harry Potter!" I pointed out, placing my hands on my hips, staring him down.

We both laughed. I tugged my grey sweater closed feeling slightly exposed standing here in just my pajama's. I brushed some hair behind my ears and looked at the floor. The office felt stuffy and I could feel Opie watching me. Everyone who knows me knows that I'm blunt as can be when it comes to pretty much everything.

"So, I know you didn't bring me in the office to talk about Harry Potter…" My voice trailed off at the end.

"No, I didn't." Opie shook his head, stepping closer. "I wanted to apologize to you about this morning, in the kitchen. I was an asshole."

"Yeah, you were." I blurted out, matter of factly. Then I backtracked. "But I shouldn't have…I know you're still mourning…I just misread the signals…I'm the one who should be apologizing to you."

"You didn't misread anything, at all." Opie said, suddenly standing in front of me. His caramel colored eyes searched mine nervously. "I just couldn't let myself have you there, in that kitchen, in that house. No matter how much I wanted to. I just felt guilty."

Opie placed his hand on my cheek and I felt my heart flutter in my chest. I stepped forward, my body completely attuned to him. I felt myself coming alive and tried to stall the feelings flowing within me.

"I don't want to push you into something you aren't ready for, Opie." I whispered.

"You're not. Believe me. I think we should try that kiss again…if you're up for it?" Opie smirked, slipping his other hand onto my hip, pulling me closer towards him.

Opie leaned down to my level as I pushed up on my tip toes and our lips connected. His lips were warm and his beard tickled my face as it pressed against me. I couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like between my legs. Opie pulled back, pressing his forehead against mine.

"How was that?" I whispered, breathless and shaking slightly.

I've been with a lot of guys, it's no secret in the town of Charming. But I've never felt anything other then an orgasm with any of them. I feel things with Opie. Happy for starters. Safe. Wanted. Needed. Maybe that's just because I've been taking care of Kenny and Ellie any chance I can get.

It's not like I ever felt those feelings growing up. My mother wasn't loving or kind. She was drunk and high most of my childhood. Now that I'm older the only use she has for me is scoring her next fix.

"Good. It was good." Opie said. He kissed me again, lighting up my entire body. My arms snaked around his neck as his hand slipped around and palmed my back.

Our lips devoured each other's hungrily. I moaned, feeling him back me up. My ass hit what I think was the desk. I felt Opie slip his hand up under the back of my shirt and the skin on skin contact sent shivers down my spine and pleasure straight to the heart of me. His lips were tender, but insistent upon my own. It was like I was a cool drink of water and he'd been without hydration for days.

"Opie…" I whispered, pulling back.

"Do you want to stop?" Opie questioned, his voice laced with need.

"Hell no. Do you?" I arched my brow.

"Fuck no." And his lips were back on mine.

In the grand scheme of things I knew this was too fast. But I thought and lived on impulse. This was me. I just hoped when it was over he'd see there was more to me then just sex. Not many guys did.

My sweater hit the floor along with Opie's cut. I pushed his shirt up over his head and yanked the beanie off of it in the process. Opie's strong hands slid down my body and lifted me up, sitting me on the edge of the desk. I yanked my tank top over my head and tossed it on the floor. Opie's lips found the side of my neck as I slid my hands up and down his bulging biceps. His hand snaked around and unhooked my bra, causing it to sag in the front.

"Wrap your legs around me." Opie instructed. So I did as he said. He picked me up and stumbled backwards towards the couch in the corner and sat down on it, putting me on top of him.

He took my bra off and threw it behind me somewhere. His eyes roamed over my bare breasts as I reached for his zipper.

"You're beautiful." Opie whispered, reaching up and tucking hair behind my ear.

I grabbed his hand and placed it on my breast, feeling his hips push up into mine. He massaged my breast, twisting the tender skin, before taking it in his mouth and sucking.

A loud moan escaped my lips as the door to the office swung open. Opie looked over my shoulder abruptly and so did I. Rowan's dad was standing their with a shocked expression on his face.

"Hey, Deacon!" I smiled, waving over my shoulder slightly. Only thing you can do is roll with it.

Opie kept me hugged to his chest, so I wasn't exposed.

"What the fuck is it with having sex in the office? Doesn't anyone do work around here? Jesus Christ. First Rowan and Jax and now the two of you." He said, tossing a clipboard onto the desk.

"Could you close the door on your way out?" Opie asked, having no shame whatsoever. "That'd be great."

"Should I get you a condom and some lube too?" Deacon slammed the door shut as he walked out.

I looked at Opie and we both cracked up laughing. I buried my face in his shoulder. "Maybe we should do this somewhere else." Opie finally said. "Your place?"

"I live with my mom… embarrassing I know, but she's not much for having people over. What about your dorm? Later? Ellie is outside." I remembered.

"Yeah, later." Opie kissed me. "I should probably fix your car." He smirked.

"Probably. I'm supposed to meet Rowan anyway. Baby shopping. Baby furniture shopping. We aren't shopping the black market for babies." I laughed, realizing I was still sitting on him half naked. I got up and started to put my clothes back on.

Opie followed suit and pulled his clothes back on.

"Here," he handed me a set of keys, "take my truck."

"Thanks." I smiled, accepting them.

I was about to go check on Ellie when I stopped. I was facing the door. "I like you, Opie. A lot. I like your kids too." I've never told a guy that I liked him. Not once. So this was a big deal for me. My hand was sweating holding the keys in it. "I know you're going through a lot. But…"

Opie walked up behind me. I could feel the heat radiating off of him onto me. He slipped his hand into mine, intertwining our fingers. I felt his warm breath hit my ear. It smelled like cigarette smoke.

"I like you too, Lena." He whispered. "Just bare with me."

 **A/N: Thank you so SO so much for leaving all your reviews! I love reading each and every single one of them! So, Lena and Opie are heading in the right direction! Lol. I debated on things that happened in this chapter, but then I remembered this was about the time Opie and Lyla hooked up so it fit timeline wise! I may start adding Lena in a bit more here and there because she is going to play a part in some of the upcoming chapters!**


	113. Chapter 113: Chamberlain College

**Chapter 113**

 **Jax's Point of View**

Clay had payed a visit to Zoebelle at his little store this morning to give him one final chance to do things the SAMCRO way. More like the Clay way, but whatever. Clay had convinced a lot of the small business in Charming to pay a protection fee. We keep an eye on their business and make em' feel safe for a small monthly fee. It ain't legit, but it helps keep the club flush. Obviously Zoebelle declined. I'd noticed that the window to Zoebelle's store had been shattered, because there was a huge piece of plywood covering the hole where the window used to be. We must not be the only ones he's pissing off if he's got windows being broke.

My hands were covered in grease as I continued to change the oil on a Camry. I slid out from under the car and stood up, grabbing a rag to wipe my hands, wishing Rowan was here to see me. She'd be all over me. I smirked at the thought of her unable to keep her hands off me. This whole pregnancy thing had some amazing perks for me. More sex. Rowan's tits looked even better then they did before. Did I mention more sex?

I glanced towards the office, wondering what Lena and Opie were doing inside. They'd been in there a while. Even though I was pissed at Opie for sinking into things with Clay, he was still my brother and I still cared about him. Lena seemed kinda good for him. Wild, but good. She'd make a good old lady if things went that direction for her and Opie.

The door to the office opened and Lena walked out, adjusting her sweater, smile front and center on her face. Opie stood in the doorway with a goofy ass grin on his face and watched her as she collected Ellie off the swing set and headed for his truck. Lena and Ellie left and Opie pulled Lena's car into the empty bay beside me.

My phone vibrated in my pocket as Opie got out of the car. "There's a fucking rabbit in the back seat of her car?"

"That's Carlos." I deadpanned him.

"Why the fuck is her pet rabbit in her car? Do they bite?" Opie asked, kinda weirded out by the bunny in the backseat. "What the fuck…"

I shrugged. "How should I know."

Opie was holding a small crack pipe in his hand. "It rolled out from under the seat. I thought Lena was clean? You know anything about this?" He walked towards me and tossed the pipe in my hand.

"As far as I know she is clean. It's probably her moms. Rowan said she's a drunken junkie. Gets Lena to score for her because she hardly leaves the house." I tossed it back to him feeling my phone vibrating again. Things were still tense between us since he got back from the run.

I pulled my phone out while Opie stared out into the parking lot, as if he could still see Lena. I knew he had a thousand questions running through his head. Lena wasn't a junkie. She was a little bit of a lush according to Ro, but ain't done anything harder then pot.

My continued to vibrate in my hand. Rosen's name popped up in the caller ID. I had no clue why our club lawyer would be calling. This should be fucking good.

"Hey, Rosen… what is it?" I answered, cutting straight to it.

"I hate to be the barer of bad news, but Otto Delaney has been assaulted at Stockton. He's in the infirmary. That's all I know, just wanted to give you all a heads up. I'm heading there now, I'm sure I can expect to see you there?" It was more of statement then a question. He knew I'd be there.

"Jesus Christ. Yeah, I'm on my way." I hung up the phone and jammed it in my pocket.

Opie eyed me as in asking what's up.

"Someone just jumped Otto. Let Clay and the others know I'm headed to Stockton." I said as I walked out of the garage. There's only one person who would have the fucking balls to have Otto jumped.

Zoebelle.

- **SOA** -

Otto was worse then I ever fucking imagined. He'd been beaten to a pulp and his left eye had been gouged out. He never fucking see out of that again according to Rosen. I wasn't allowed to see Otto in the infirmary, but Rosen painted a lovely fucking picture. Just as I suspected Zoebelle had been the one to order the attack. We knew these suited up fuckers had a far reach, but I never dreamed they could reach this far or had the balls to fucking do it. For Clay, this would mean immediate retaliation. I wanted justice for Otto, but we needed to think this shit through.

Which is why I was barging into Hale's office at the police station right now, despite protests from secretaries telling me not to do so. My body had been shaking from anger the entire ride to and from Stockton. I swung the door open, startling officer Hale behind his desk. He clicked something on his computer and stood up abruptly. Asshole's probably looking at a gay porn. If he don't want anyone to walk in on him jerking off he should lock his damn doors.

Hale's eyes widen as he looked at me, holding up a hand. "Look, if this is about Rowan and the other day, I had no choice. Someone has to start doing shit by the book around here."

His statement stopped the words that were going to come out of my mouth. "What the fuck are you talking about? What happened with Rowan?" I tensed stepping forward.

Rowan never mentioned anything was amiss while I was gone, so what the fuck is he talking about?

"I had to arrest Rowan for vandalizing Impeccable smokes. She threw a brick through the storefront. She didn't tell you?" Hale arched an eyebrow, wondering the same thing as me, why hadn't she said anything.

A new wave of anger coursed through me. For Rowan to throw a brick through Zoebelle's storefront meant she had to be near the sick son of a bitch. Which made me wonder what provoked her to do what she did. My jaw tensed as I clenched and unclenched my fists at the thought of Zoebelle or Weston being anywhere near her.

"That ain't why I'm here." I snapped, feeling an overwhelming need to just get to Rowan and find out what happened.

"Then what do you want?" Hale questioned, about as pleased with me as I was with him. Asshole arrested my girl. He's a fucking prick.

"I just got back from Stockton. Zoebelle had Otto jumped. He's nearly blind now. Leagues gotta reach to the Aryan shock collars." I half shouted. Trying to make him understand how serious this shit was getting with these guys.

"What does that have to do with Charming?" Hale adjusted his badge on his chest, shaking his head.

"We don't know what we're dealing with here, man. Zoebelle isn't Darby. He ain't some half-bright thug. I need to know where you're at with him?"

"Nowhere." Hale shot me a glare. Appalled by the accusation he'd have anything to do with The League. My suspicions were warranted though.

"I gave you the meth lab and you gave Darby a fucking pass. So clearly you ain't on the straight and narrow, man." I half laughed. Mr. Self righteous wasn't so smart after all. That was obvious.

"Hey, I didn't give anybody a pass!" Hale shouted.

"Don't you see the pattern here? You're so hell-bent on burning us, you keep getting in bed with the devil. It happened with Stahl. Now it's happening with Zoebelle. It's gonna be the same shit, man." I leveled him with a glare, stepping closer. "People die. People get hurt. Like Opie and Donna!"

"That was not on me!" Hale shouted back. "Get out!" He pointed to the closed door.

I scoffed, shaking my head, turning on my heel and heading out the door.

I left the police station and headed straight for Rowan's college. I needed to see her and find out what the fuck happened and why she neglected to tell me. It was about a twenty minute drive to Chamberlain College of Nursing. I was hoping I'd be able to catch Rowan between classes. I knew she had two this morning. But I had no problem barging into a classroom to find her.

Students packed the college courtyard and front lawns as I rolled through the lot looking for a place to park my bike. I found an empty spot in front of a white Jaguar and shut off the engine, placing my helmet on the handlebars. I walked across the lot spotting Rowan sitting at a picnic table with a group of people. My eyes distinctly landed on some guys hand on her shoulder. She shrugged him off and said something to him, moving away from him on the bench.

My pace quickened as I walked across the lawn. Rowan looked up and noticed me when the wind blew. She smiled warmly, getting to her feet. She started walking towards me. "Hey! What are you doing here?" She was happy to see me.

She quickly noticed the surely pissed off look on my face and her smile faded as I finally made it to her. Her hands found my sides immediately. "What's wrong? Is everything okay? Is Abel okay?" Panic rose in her voice as her eyes searched mine.

"Abel's fine." I bit out. "But I'm not sure if everything's okay. We need to talk, now."

"About what?" She asked quickly.

"About how you neglected to tell me you were fucking arrested yesterday for starters or did that just slip your mind." My folded over my chest. Rowan closed her eyes, shaking her head. Her mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. She was trying to figure out how I found out since she didn't tell me. I decided to fill in the blank for her. "I was having a conversation with Hale. Otto got jumped up in Stockton. He told me about your little brush with the law."

"Oh my god. What happened to Otto?" She questioned.

"Don't change the fucking subject?" I spat out. She removed her hands from my sides and stepped away from me slightly. "What the hell happened, Ro? Why did you throw a brick through Zoebelle's store front?"

Rowan kept shaking her head, but no words were coming out of her mouth. "I have to go to class. We can talk about this later." She finally said, turning on her heel to head back to her table to grab her stuff. She was deliberately trying to avoid talking to me about this.

Before I knew it my hand was clamped around her forearm, spinning her around to face me. "Don't fucking walk away from me! I need to know what happened." I loosened my grip when I noticed Ro wince at my touch.

"It was nothing! A misunderstanding. Okay, let it go!" She hissed back at me, yanking her arm out of my hand. She looked around at everyone staring at us.

"Did he say something to you, threaten you? Did he do something? This is important, babe. You can tell me whatever it is." I softened my approach, moving closer to her. She was rubbing her arm where I'd grabbed her and I felt sick to my stomach that I'd just done that. "Did Weston say or do something?"

Rowan's eyes avoided mine. "I don't know what you want me to say! I just told you. It was a misunderstanding. Nothing else happened." She looked like an startled animal. Panicking, looking for a way out of a dangerous situation. "Please just let it go!" She touched my forearms.

"Just tell me what happened!" I pleaded with her.

"I can't! I don't know what to say. It just happened."

"Is there a problem?" Some douche asked, approaching Rowan's side. I glanced over at him and recognized the kid. It was Rowan's lab partner Stephen. The one that always texted her for notes.

Rowan dropped her hands from my arms and cleared her throat. She was on the verge of tears. I could tell by the way her nose was getting red. "I'm fine. Stephen. Thank you. You can go!" Her voice was full of annoyance and her words were clipped.

"You sure this asshole isn't bothering you?" Stephen asked her again, slipping his hand onto her shoulder.

Seeing his hand on her was enough to send me into a blind rage, but I tried to hold it back.

Rowan moved so his hand fell. "This is my boyfriend, Jax. Everything is fine. Just go away."

"Yeah, step off, Abacrombie." I snapped, stepping forward. "This is a private conversation between me and my girlfriend."

Stephen smirked. This kid screamed money with his pink polo shirt and his pressed khaki pants. The Rolex on his watch must have been one of the many things mommy and daddy bought him. I'd bet money the Jag out front was his. He was a conniving little shit that thought he could worm his way into Rowan's pants. He had another fucking thing coming.

"Stephen just go to class." Rowan practically begged him. She could tell I was ready to beat the living shit out of him and was trying to spare him. I didn't know why though. Maybe she had a thing for him after all.

Honestly, could I blame her? He was everything I would never be.

"Why don't we both go to class." Stephen offered, slipping his hand onto the small of her back.

That's when I lost.

"Why don't you keep your hands to your goddamn self!" I shoved him back away from Rowan. He stumbled, surprised, but stayed upright.

Rowan jumped between us, pushing her hands into my chest. "Stop it! People are watching! Let it go!"

I glanced down her eyes pleading me to not lose my temper right now. But it was too late. "Get the fuck out of the way before you get hurt." I gently pushed her to the side and swung my fist, making contact with Stephens face.

He groaned and spit out blood, before coming at me. He swung, but I ducked and he missed, giving me the opportunity to jam my shoulder into his chest knocking the wind out of him as he hit the ground, hard. I kicked him in the ribs twice before he grabbed my leg and knocked me down. Quickly, I recovered and managed to get on top of him. My fist made contact with the cartilage and bone of his nose. Something snapped, but it didn't stop me. Blood spurted everywhere. He groaned in pain, but shoved me off of him, getting to his knees, and taking a solid shot to my face. I winced as I felt skin tearing apart.

"Stop it!" I could hear Rowan yelling, but the only thing on my mind was killing this kid. Rowan belonged to me. He'd think twice before touching her again. "Jax! Stop this! Are you insane! Stop!"

I'd managed to get out from under Stephen and back on my feet. He was upright as well, hunched over spitting blood up. He shot me a wicked glare and came at me again, but I got another shot to his face, knocking him back. He stumbled backwards. I didn't even feel where he'd hit me in the face my adrenaline was pumping so much. I was about to go at him again when I felt someone grab my shoulder, on instinct I jammed my elbow back, hard, colliding with Rowan's jaw.

"Oh shit!" I mumbled, watching her stumble backwards. She didn't fall, but she was grabbing her cheek and hunkered down. A girl ran to her side and wrapped an arm around her.

Hitting her knocked the fight out of me. "Jesus. I'm sorry. What the fuck were you thinking grabbing me. I'm so sorry, babe." I was out of breath, as I tried to go to her. She wouldn't let me touch her though. Tears filled her eyes and spilled down her face. I wanted to throw up. Bile was working it's way up my throat. I'd never meant to hurt her.

Jesus Christ.

Students were circled around us all watching. Some were cheering, some were horrified. Half of them were recording it on their phones. I heard sirens in the distance as I stood there panting. Of course some pussy called 911.

"Just go!" Rowan yelled, pulling away from the girl holding her. Her cheek was already swelling up. She shoved me towards my bike. "Go before the cops get here!" Is just hit her and she was trying to protect me.

"You're fucking going to jail, man! I'm pressing charges! You fucking broke my nose!" Stephen yelled, stumbling towards me. Rowan left my side and went to his aide, helping him sit down on the ground.

She glared at me over her shoulder, "Go!"

My anger was still in control of my actions and words apparently because I said, "If he's what you want, don't bother coming back to the house."

I pushed through the crowd of kids and headed towards my bike. Lena was pulling up in Opie's truck. She rolled the window down. "What did I miss?"

My bike roared to life as I turned the key, ignoring her. I tore out of the lot as fast as possible. What the fuck did I just do? I'd just hit the girl that I loved. Not on purpose, but I still did it.


	114. Chapter 114: Figure It Out

**Chapter 114**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Jax rolled through Chamberlain like a tornado, leaving behind nothing but destruction in his wake. I knew when I saw that look on his face something was wrong. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion now. Cops showed up. Two cruisers to be exact. Hale was one of them of course. An ambulance had been called for Stephen. The best I could tell Jax had broken his nose and cracked a few of his ribs. His face was also just pretty busted up and swollen in general from the blows Jax rained down upon his face.

Students were still gathered around watching the drama unfold as Stephen was put in the back of the ambulance.

Tears streaked my face, which was sort of numb where Jax had accidentally elbowed me in the cheek. I knew it was stupid to try and intervene, but he was so lost in his anger that I was terrified he was going to kill Stephen. Everyone else was standing by watching while I screamed for them to stop, so I tried to yank Jax back, but it didn't go as planned. God, the look on his face when he realized he'd hit me.

Shock.

Guilt.

Regret.

It all flashed across his features in the blink of an eye.

Lena was standing beside me with her arm draped over my shoulder. I'd filled her in on everything that happened. Ellie was playing on Lena's phone in Ope's truck right behind us. I felt terrible she was witnessing all this, but Lena wouldn't leave my side.

When Jax asked me what happened at Impeccable Smokes, I panicked. What was I suppose to tell him? The truth? I couldn't do it. I tried. The words wouldn't form and fall from my lips. Gemma's lie, our lie, has festered and gone on so long now, I don't even know what the right and wrong thing to do is anymore.

Well, actually, that's not true.

Now I know Gemma was right.

Jax nearly killed Stephen for touching my shoulder. Jesus. If he found out what Zoebelle and Weston did, what they intended to do to me, what they did do to Gemma. Murder wouldn't even begin to describe what he would do. Let alone being egged on by Deacon and Clay along with the rest of the club.

Hale's walkie talkie going off pulled me out of my head and back to him standing in front of me. He'd hammered me with questions as soon as he got here. Someone said there was a guy on a bike and he knew it was Jax.

"Stephen is adamant about pressing charges against Jax. This would be a hell of a lot easier if you could tell me where I can find him?" Hale silenced his walkie, giving me a stern glare.

"I don't know where he is!" I half cried, still processing this shit show. "This was my fault. Not his. You can't arrest him." I begged. Jax has assault charges against him already. If Hale arrests him for this and Stephen wants to be a complete asshole and take it to court, Jax could go to jail and not just overnight. The thought alone made my heart break even more.

I wanted to kill Jax right now, but I didn't want my lies to put him behind bars.

"You don't get to dictate the law, no matter what member of SAMCRO you're related to or sleeping with. Jax will be charged with assault when I find him and I will find him. Charming is a small town and he only has so many places he can go." Hale made himself clear. "Unless you're telling me you beat the shit out of Stephen Caldwell?"

"Cut her a break, Captain Crunch." Lena barked. "It was a fist fight. It's not like Jax shot him. Jesus. Tell Stephen to grow a pair and man the fuck up."

"Just let me talk to Stephen… I can get him to drop the charges. Okay?" I begged, wiping my tear stained cheeks. "Please?"

Hale sighed, deeply and loudly, looking at the ground. He looked over his shoulder at the ambulance and then back at me. "I'll give you five minutes to change Mr. Caldwell's mind. Only because Unser has an attachment to you for some reason."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Thank you." I squeezed his arm gently as I practically ran past him toward the ambulance.

The paramedics were standing behind the rig writing something down on their clipboards. "Can I talk to him for a second? I'll be quick. I know you have to get him to St. Thomas."

"Two minutes." The male paramedic said, stepping aside and letting me climb up into the rig.

Stephen was lying on a stretcher pinching the bloodied bandages over his nose with one hand and clutching his ribs with the other. His pink shirt was stained with blood. Mostly his own. He'd never even got a true hit on Jax the entire duration of the fight. Jax could handle himself well in a fight and that oddly made me happy. I felt terrible that Stephen had to take the brunt of Jax's frustrations, but I told him to walk away and he didn't listen. Just like I told him I'd cut his balls off if he ever touched me again right before I'd noticed Jax walking up on us. Stephen had a thing for me, but it was never ever going to happen. I'm in love with Jax, which I also made clear.

Stephen kept pushing Jax. He snapped. Big time. I knew Jax had a temper, I've seen it firsthand. I still remember that day at the bar, after Wendy had Abel and almost overdosed. But this was so much worse then anything I've ever seen Jax do.

"How are you feeling?" I whispered, capturing his attention.

Stephen sat up, moaning, despite my protests for him to stay lying back on the stretcher.

"Your boyfriend is gonna pay for this! Literally! This polo cost two hundred dollars. There's blood all over it!" He groaned, clutching his side tighter. "What kind of animal are you dating, Collins?"

"Jax is a good guy. I know that's hard to believe right now, but he is." I started to speak but Stephen cut me off.

"Real good guy he is. Have you seen your face?" Stephen scoffed, shaking his head. "Is that what you're into, someone who bangs you around for kicks?"

"This happened when I was trying to save your ass. Jax has never hurt me. Ever." I jumped to Jax's defense without even thinking about it. It was a natural reaction. Jax didn't mean to hit me. "I'm sorry that he went postal on you today. But you fucking baited him into it and you know it! You can't press charges against him."

"The hell I can't. In fact, I'm calling my attorney right now to meet me at the hospital." Stephen dug his phone out of his pocket and started to scroll through the contacts. Images of Jax in jail slid through my brain frame by frame. I couldn't handle it. Him trapped behind steel bars like some kind of wild animal. I wasn't going to let that happen to him.

I snatched the phone out of his hands so quickly he had no idea what just happened. "I'd think twice before you make that phone call."

"Why is that? Rowan, you deserve better then that asshole outlaw wannabe." Stephen tried to convince me. I was so angry at myself, at Jax, at Stephen, at Zoebelle. My hands were shaking as I squeezed his phone in my hands. I felt my heart pounding in my ear drums.

"You're not pressing charges against Jax." I finally said, tapping my foot nervously.

"Oh yeah?" Stephen smirked at me. Even through the dried blood, his perfectly paid for smile shone through. He was so fake it was hilarious.

"If you press charges against Jax, SAMCRO loses their Vice President." I said, getting up and sitting down beside him on the stretcher. I turned to face him and glared at him. "That's gonna piss off a lot of guys. None of which I have any pull with to protect you when they come after you." I half laughed. Stephen shifted away from me slightly, clenching his jaw shut. "Because trust me, they will come after you for putting their VP behind bars. If you think what Jax did was bad, wait until you have the entire weight of SAMCRO stepping on your neck. SAMCRO owns this town. Mommy and daddy's money won't be able to help you or your fancy lawyer. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Stephen shook his head and smirked, cocky.

"You started this fight. You baited Jax into it and he kicked your ass. Something you obviously weren't expecting." I glanced at his injuries. I could throw a better punch then this weakling any day of the week.

"Maybe, I could be persuaded?" Stephen's hand found its way onto my knee, making me stiffen. "How about you come by my place for a little after hours nursing care." His hand slid up my knee a little.

"I'm pregnant with Jax's baby, asshole!" I slapped it away and grabbed his nose, pinching and twisting it.

Stephen yelled in pain, falling onto his side. "Oh my god are you okay?" I faked concern as one of the paramedics looked inside the rig. I patted his shoulder gently.

"Times up. We need to get him to St. Thomas." The paramedic informed me.

I nodded and gave her a weak smile. I looked down at Stephen. The paramedic disappeared from the open door. I pinched Stephens nose again. "Are we still pressing charges?"

"No!" He swatted my hands away. "No! God, that hurts! You dumb bitch! You're as crazy as he is!"

"You're disgusting!" I said over my shoulder as I got out of the ambulance.

I marched over to Hale still standing by Lena.

"He's not pressing charges anymore." I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling a rush of relief flow through me.

Hale arched an eyebrow. "I'm gonna have to verify that with Mr. Caldwell at St. Thomas." He eyed me up and down, before walking away. He got in his Jeep and waited for the ambulance to pull away, before following behind it.

"How did you get him to drop the charges?" Lena whispered in my ear.

"You don't want to know." I mumbled. Feeling nauseated and suddenly extremely exhausted.

Now that the show was over other students were starting to head off to their cars or back to their tables or headed to class. Margaret, Chamberlains dean was heading towards me now. Her short wavy red hair looked permanently kept in place as she walked. She used way to much hairspray.

"Miss. Collins. My office. Now." Margaret said, waving her hand for me to follow her.

"Do you want me to wait?" Lena asked. "You shouldn't be driving after this."

"I'm okay. You go spend the day with Ellie." I told her. Lena pulled me into a hug and all I wanted to do was stay in her arms forever. Actually all I wanted was to be in Jax's arms right now. I was pissed at him, beyond words, but I still needed him. I still craved his presence. The security and safety his arms offered called out to me.

"Some girls day, huh?" Lena laughed, pulling back. She wiped some tears off my cheeks and tried to fix my mascara. "What are you gonna tell Jax when he asks about Zoebelle later?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"Today, Miss. Collins." Margaret demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.

I said goodbye to Lena; promising to call her later and followed Margaret into her office. It was in the administration building just across the front lawn. Margaret ushered me inside and gestured for me to take a seat in the chair across from her desk. I didn't want to sit, but I did so anyway, gripping the edges of the brown leather arms in the process.

Margaret walked around her desk and sat down, placing the glasses that hung around her neck on her face. She lifted a file off the desk and opened it. It was mine, undoubtedly.

"You've had quite the morning here today." Margaret said, glancing up at me.

"I am so sorry for what happened on campus." I started to say. "I can promise you it will never happen again. Ever. It was all just one big huge misunderstanding."

"A student was brutally assaulted and you call that a misunderstanding, Miss Collins?" Margaret looked at me and scoffed. She sat my file down and sighed. "You just recently resumed taking classes here at Chamberlain, correct?"

I nodded. The pit in my stomach was growing larger. I placed my hand over my belly protectively. "My mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor, so I took time off to help her through that." I gritted my teeth, sighing, not wanting to talk about my mothers death with this bitch. "She passed away. So I came back to finish my degree."

"You've completed two out of your three years here with us. You took off almost six months to deal with your mothers passing, so a ninety day suspension shouldn't be hard for you to adjust to." Margaret stated, removing her glasses.

Did she say suspension? God, she did. I slid to the edge of my seat. "No. No! You can't do that! I didn't do anything wrong. I have a 4.0 GPA. I haven't missed a single class since I resumed. I'm supposed to start clinical's at St Thomas in pediatrics!"

"Miss Collins, I'm sorry, but my decision is final. Chamberlain has a no violence policy. When your boyfriend came onto campus and assaulted Mr. Caldwell you broke that policy. I have no choice." She gave me one of the worlds most fake looks of sympathy.

The tears that had all but stopped came rushing back, burning my eyes. I wiped my cheeks and cleared my throat. "Please. You do have a choice. I'm an excellent student."

"You are an excellent student, but you have made some serious misjudgments when it comes to who you spend your time with off this campus. SAMCRO isn't a place for someone with your potential."

"My personal life is none of your fucking business!" I snapped, standing up abruptly.

Margaret did the same and smoothed out her grey blazed in the process.

I bit the inside of my lip nervously and shook my head. This was not happening. How could a day start off so good and end like this. Something told me this day was just going to keep getting worse and worse front this point on.

"After your ninety day suspension is up, we'll reevaluate your situation and go from there. I'm sorry but that's just how this process has to go."

Without a word I stormed out of her office.

- **SOA-**

 **Jax's Point of View**

After I'd left Rowan at Chamberlain I'd come home and waited for her to come home too. It was around three in the evening now and Gemma had just dropped off Abel. She'd pressed me on what happened to my hand and my cheek, but I told her to mind her own business. Abel was asleep in his swing in the living room. My knee wouldn't quit bouncing as I sat at the kitchen table smoking a cigarette.

I'd really fucked things up this time. I was torqued up even before I got to Rowan and when that kid put his hands on her all I saw was red, blood. There was no rational thinking being made in that moment. It was pure rage.

I hadn't expected Rowan to be the one grabbing me from behind and wailed my elbow into her face. Jesus. I slid a hand down the side of my face and sighed, blowing smoke out of my nose. I didn't mean to hit her, but I did, and I can't take it back. Hitting her killed me. It was my job to protect her from getting hurt, but who was protecting her from me?

Why the fuck was she lying to me? I've been trying to wrap my mind around it and nothing adds up. Not one thing makes sense.

The front door opening and closing broke my chain of thought. I stubbed out my cigarette in the ash tray on the table and looked over my shoulder to see Rowan walking into the kitchen. She didn't make eye contact with me as she went to kitchen sink and got herself a glass of water.

My insides felt like I was being struck with an electric prod. I was calmer than this morning, but I was still pissed as hell.

"Where the hell you been?" I asked, standing up, staring at her gripping the counter for support. She looked pale and exhausted.

She scoffed, finally turning towards me, giving me a full look at her face. "That's how you wanna start this conversation? Where the hell have I been?" Her cheek was swollen and already beginning to bruise. Her eyes were red and also swollen from crying. Seeing her face gutted me. It was like a punch to the stomach. I had to look away.

I walked over to the freezer and opened it, grabbing a small bag of peas out of it. I walked over to Rowan and held the bag up to her face. "It'll help the swelling." She winced and slapped it out of my hand away from her face.

"I don't give a shit about my face right now!" She hissed, finally looking me in the eye.

"I guess we're gonna skip right to the fight then." I rolled my eyes, picking up the bag of peas and tossing it on the counter.

"You're damn right. What the fuck were you thinking today, Jax?" Rowan was so angry the veins in her neck were popping out. They only did that when she was singing a high note, playing guitar, I'd noticed.

"Why don't you answer my fucking question first. Where have you been all day? I thought you'd be home hours ago! Gemma dropped Abel off thinking you'd be here. I have shit to do to get ready for a vote tonight." I snapped at her.

"Well, let's see, shall we!" Rowan smirked. "I spent all morning keeping your stupid dumb ass out of jail!" She yelled, tears dripping silently down her face. "Stephen wanted to press charges against you for what you did. But I changed his mind to protect you!"

"Well I'm sure it wasn't hard for you to sweet talk him. Then again maybe you didn't talk to him at all. I'd change my mind to if I had my cock in your mouth." I spat at her. The hurtful words just kept spilling from my lips. I didn't want to hurt her, but she was hurting me by lying to me and fucking pissed me off. Then another part of me thought maybe she was better off with someone like Stephen…

"Fuck You!" She slapped me. I took a few steps back as she clamped a hand over her mouth, shocked by her own actions.

My cheek stung where her palm slapped against it. She put some force behind it. I rubbed my jaw and watched her flee out of the kitchen down the hallway.

Abel started crying in the living as I made my way down the hallway after her and into the bedroom. When I walked in a duffle bag was being thrown on the bed. Rowan was sobbing as she gathered clothes and jammed them in the bag like she was going somewhere.

"What are you doing?" I snapped, grabbing a pile of clothes out of the bag and slinging them on the bed. Rowan grabbed the pile and put it back in the bag along with a few more shirts. "Stop packing your shit!"

"You're not going anywhere, Rowan. Stop." I demanded, grabbing her wrists gently to make her stand still. Sobs racked through her shoulders as she shook her head. "I can't do this, Jax."

Rowan pulled away from me and continued to pack her stuff. I grabbed her arms and made her look at me. "What is going on? Why are you lying to me?"

"I'm not lying to you!" Rowan yelled, wiping her nose on the back of her hand.

"You're lying about Zoebelle. I know you and I know you don't get pissed unless someone provokes you, just like I did in the kitchen just now. Someone hurts you, you lash out. So what the fuck happened?" I demanded again, feeling her anger radiating off of her.

"Why can't you ever believe me when I say something? I told you, nothing happened with Zoebelle! It was a misunderstanding! That asshole Weston backed into Lena's car on Main and refused to pay for the damages. Lena got pissed off and tossed a brick through the store front because she watched him walk in. Hale got called, she was going to be arrested. I didn't want her to have another mark on her record because she already has DUI's and an assault charge from a domestic dispute with one of her moms boyfriends. I was protecting her! I told Hale I did it!"

I stepped back away from her processing her story. She was so upset I couldn't read her face well enough to know if she was telling me the truth or not. It seemed possible, but I wasn't sure.

"Why didn't you just tell me this earlier today, huh? If what you're saying is true." I snapped, glancing down the hallway at the sound of Abel crying then back at her.

She sniffled as she tossed more clothes in her bag and then pushed past me and headed into the bathroom. I followed after her and watched her grab her tooth brush and hair brush. "I would have told you, when I came home! But you didn't want to listen. You never take me at my word. Ever!" She glared at me as she pushed past me again to get back in the bedroom and to her bag. "And then you had to beat the shit out of one of my classmates! For touching me? Jesus Jax!"

"Please. That asshole had it coming. He's been trying to fuck you for weeks now. All the texting and the asking you for help with class. It's fucking bullshit. I know the game he's playing because it's exactly what I would do if I wanted to fuck you! Maybe that's what you want! Fuck if I know anymore!" I tossed my hands in the air and shook my head. We've been so off kilter these last few weeks who the hell knows what's going on. "I swear to god though, if I find out that he fucked you I'll kill him."

Rowan tossed me her phone. "Check the messages. Read them. All of them. Every single message from Stephen is on that phone. And every response I sent. I have nothing to hide from you. Nothing has ever happened between Stephen and I and that's a lot more then I can say about you and the porn sluts at the club!"

I glanced at Rowan's phone and scrolled through the messages feeling like a dick the entire time. There were countless messages where she told him to leave her alone. That she was happily in a relationship. That if he didn't back off she'd tell me to kick his ass. Most of the time she never even acknowledged his advances, she kept it about their classes.

I tossed the phone back on the bed and watched her pick it up and slip it in her bag. She zipped it up and slung the bag over her shoulder. Tears were still falling from her face as she glared at me. "He baited you and you took it and your stupid decision to go off on him is costing me!"

"Costing you?" I asked, grabbing her arm when she tried to walk past me.

"I was suspended from Chamberlain this morning. Ninety days." She spat at me.

I felt another blow to my stomach as I watched her head for the front door. I ran after her and shut the front door just as she'd opened it. "What are you doing?"

Abel was screaming now in the living room. Rowan looked around me and then went to him. She picked him up, still sobbing herself and held him close to her face. She kissed his cheek and bounced him a little. "I'm sorry, bug. It's okay! I love you. So so so much."

This was wrong. This was all wrong. This was starting to feel like a goodbye and I didn't like it. Rowan walked towards me still holding Abel. She looked at me and cleared her throat before handing Abel over to me. Abel immediately turned and looked for Rowan, wanting her.

"I can't do this. I keep trying to find my place with you and the club and I just don't know if I have one at all anymore." She shrugged, wiping her eyes. "I can't be here right now."

Rowan leaned forward and kissed Abel's head, whispering, "Im sorry."

I wasn't processing what was happening. Rowan opened the front door. "Rowan! Don't fucking walk out that door." She paused and looked at me over her shoulder. "Don't go. You don't have to go. I'll go. I'll stay at the club until we…"

"Until we what, Jax?" She cried. "I need some time, okay?"

"I need you here!" I said, panic rising in my voice. I glanced at Abel and her and realized I've never been on my own completely with Abel before. I've always had Rowan. From day one. She's always been there. Always. "I have to be at the club for a vote on what to do about Otto. What am I supposed to do with him?"

"Figure it out." She said, before slamming the door shut in my face.

The sound of the door slamming caused Abel to start screaming in my ear again. He tossed himself around in my arms and I found myself alone. What the fuck did I do?


	115. Chapter 115: Wasted

**Chapter 115**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

It was late in the evening when I finally pulled my car into Lena's driveway. I was tired and exhausted. My feet were swelling in my sneakers and I just wanted to sleep and forget today had ever happened. My face felt puffy from crying since I left Jax's. My jaw was numb and turning a lovely shade of purple. Walking away from Jax like that was one of the hardest choices I've ever had to make. But, he took things way to far this time. I need him to know that. What happened was totally uncalled for and it cost me a ninety day suspension for something I didn't even do. I can appeal the suspension of course, but what's the use? It took a while, but I realized I didn't get suspended because of the fight between Jax and Stephen, I got suspended because I'm connected to SAMCRO.

Today I got another glimpse of the Jax that yelled at Luanne in the hospital that day when Georgie was threatening her ladies. That was a side of Jax I wasn't use to. It scared me. It did. After everything I've been through, it terrifies me. But deep down I know that he would never hurt me. Not the way he hurt Stephen. But this was also who Jax is. Rough. Jealous. Short tempered. Wild. Crazy. Intoxicating and so god damn frustrating.

I keep telling myself Gemma's lie is for the best. Especially after today. But I still don't know. The line between what's right and what's wrong have blurred so much I can't see a damn thing anymore.

Lena's phone was off so I couldn't call her and tell her I was coming over. I knocked on the door and cleared my throat. When no one answered I knocked again.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Lena yelled from the other side of the door.

There was a scuffling and the door was thrown open. Lena's mother stared back at me, vodka and cranberry juice sloshed out of her glass making me step back.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" She slurred, obviously high or drunk or most likely both.

"Hey, Miss. Jacobs." I smiled weakly.

"Mom. I said I was getting the door." Lena piped up, trying to pull her mom away from the door by the shoulders. Her black sweater was falling off each shoulder, the strap to her crop top was falling off her left shoulder as well. "Ro, what's up? What are you doing here?"

Lena finally got her mom behind her. I watched her light a smoke and glare at me. "She ain't your friend, sweetie. Her and her momma have always looked down on us! She pities you! She looks at us and sees a charity case." She pointed her cigarette at me. Her dirty blonde hair was piled messily on top of her head.

Lena sighed and rolled her eyes. "Clearly, she's on a bender right now. Let's talk out here." Lena stepped out, trying to close the door behind her.

"That's right, you talk to her on the curb with the trash! That's where you're heading soon anyway, you don't start getting my shit again!" Miss. Jacobs yelled, slurring her words. She walked out on the porch, making Lena and I walk down the steps.

Lena's mom wasn't wearing any pants. Just her panties.

"Mom! Go in the house for Christ sakes! There's little kids playing in the street! Put some fucking clothes on!" She ushered her mom in the house and slammed the door shut.

"Oh my god! What happened?" I asked, as Lena shook her head and rubbed her eyes.

We sat down on the front porch steps next to each other.

"So, Ellie and I are having breakfast at Franny's when she calls me and is losing her fucking shit over the phone. I had to drop Ellie off with Piney, tell him to pick up Kenny, and I get here and her and Ricky are arguing. Apparently, his dealer fell through and they needed a fix. I told her I wasn't buying for her anymore and she's been throwing a fucking hissy fit ever since. There's broken plates all over the kitchen, glasses too." Lena sighed deeply and fracked her neck. The sound of her bones moving instantly reminded me of Jax's fist hitting Stephens nose earlier today.

I shivered involuntarily.

"I'm sorry." I rubbed her back gently. "And here I am showing up to pile more shit on you." I shook my head feeling like a burden.

"No, you are totally fine. I'll take any welcome distraction. How're things with Jax?" Lena asked, genuinely concerned. She looped her arm through mine and leaned her head on my shoulder.

"I walked out." I blurted out. Lena lifted her head. She saw the tears sliding down my cheeks and pulled me into a hug. I fell apart in her arms, letting the sobs flow through me. "I didn't wanna go. I love him, so much."

Lena pulled back and brushed hair behind my ears.

"Then why did you walk out?" She asked, keeping her voice even and soothing.

"Because I'm so pissed at him and myself. I left because I'm so angry that he lost control like that today. I got suspended because of it! But I also left because I can't handle lying to him anymore." I wiped snot off my nose with the back of hand and cleared my throat.

"Then tell Jax and your dad what happened! I still don't fully understand why you won't. Those assholes hurt you! Let them serve up some outlaw justice!" Lena said with so much conviction. She wanted to kill Zoebelle and Weston as much as I did.

As much as Jax would want to if he knew.

"I can't! You saw what Jax did today. Imagine that times a thousand, Lena. He'd go to jail or worse get himself killed in the process!" I shook my head vehemently. She didn't understand. She didn't know exactly what Jax was capable of. I trusted Lena with my life. That's why I wanted her to be Rae's god mother. I knew I could trust her with anything and she'd take it to the grave.

"Do you remember my landlord Kohn, Jerry." I said.

She nodded, slightly confused. "Yeah, he was an ATF Agent too, looking into the club. Asshole has two jobs. Who does that! Anyway, why?"

"He was stalking me. I tried to handle it myself. But things kept escalating. He was getting more unpredictable and unstable. I had to tell Jax. One night when I came home he was waiting for me in the house. He attacked me. He would have raped me if Jax hadn't showed up when he did. Jax shot him." I let the words fall quietly from my lips staring down at my little stomach. I placed a hand over Rae and swallowed the lump forming in my throat.

"Jesus." Lena whispered. She placed her hand on my shoulder. "He's dead?"

I met her eyes with my own and nodded, unable to speak.

"Good." She whispered after a moment. Our eyes met again and I tried to gauge her reaction. "Look, I might not know all the gory details, but I have eyes and I'm not stupid. I know who those guys at the club are. I know what they do. If they're ridding Charming of rapists they should get god damn medals in my opinion."

"I can't put that weight on Jax again. I won't. He has so much to carry as is. This would destroy him. I can't do that to Abel or Raelynn. They need him. Not to mention what it would do to Deacon! He'd have me on the first plane out of California. I can't lose the only family I have left."

"Ro, your dad wouldn't shut you out. He just got you in his life." Lena reassured me. "Speaking of your dad…he may or may not have seen my boobs today!"

My eyes bulged out of my head as I laughed, confused. Did she flash my father? Another involuntary shudder ran through me. "How? What? Why? Gross! Dude! Did you flash him?" I wouldn't put it passed her. Lena flashed the Riverside basketball team in high school.

"No! Of course not, although I've thought about it!" She winked at me. "It was more side boob then anything now that I think about it." She scrunched her eyebrows together in concentration.

"Explain!" I shook my head.

"Opie and I were fooling around in the office at TM." She said nonchalantly.

"Really?" I smiled. "Go on…"

"It's not that big of a deal." She blushed.

"Oh, it totally is! You're blushing!" I pointed out. I smirked. "You never blush when talking about a guy!"

"Whatever, Collins!" She rolled her eyes and then bit her lip. "Opie and I are dipping our toes in the sexual waters, okay? Let's leave it at that!"

"Okay…" I singsonged.

"Shut up." She laughed, wrapping her arm around me. We heard something break inside and Lena sighed. "It's probably not safe for you to stay here tonight. I'd be afraid she'd do something stupid and shove you. You being preggers and all. It's not safe."

"Aw, see, you're gonna make a great god mother!" I smirked at her. Where the hell was I gonna go tonight?

"Why don't you go stay at Gemma's or here's a wild thought, Deacon's place." Lena suggested as if she were reading my mind.

- **SOA** -

After leaving Lena's I drove around for a while to try and clear my head. It was pointless because my brain felt like it was drowning. I really didn't think I could handle spending the night at Gemma's place. With everything that's happened today and the mood I was in I knew we'd argue over not telling everyone the truth. I didn't have the energy for that. So that left me with Deacon…

I was parked outside of Navy Street working up the courage to go knock on his door. Deacon usually stayed at the club most of the time, but he had a loft above Navy Street as well. He told me he remodeled it first before starting on the gym downstairs. With an aching heart and feet and growling stomach I grabbed my duffle bag out of the back seat and headed inside.

The gym was almost ready for business. It looked great decked out in all the red and black padding Deacon had let me pick. The cage was up and ready for a round. Punching bags hung still along the far back wall. I smiled, proud, that I'd been a part of building this place. I took the stairs leading up to Deacons loft just inside the door and stopped in front of an industrial style warehouse door.

I knocked, hitting my knuckles against the cold metal. When no one answered I knocked again. "Deacon. It's Rowan!" I called out.

The door unlocked and was slowly pulled open. Deacon appeared slowly behind the door. He lowered the handgun in his hand and pinched the bridge of his nose before finally taking a look at me.

"Jesus Christ! What the hell happened to you?" He rushed towards me, placing a hand on my bruised cheek. "Whoever did this is dead. Did Jax do this?" He was ready to murder the next thing that moved.

"You wanna let me explain, Rambo? I'm fine! Really! It was an accident. Jax didn't mean to do it. I was trying to pull him off some kid at my college and he elbowed me the face. Really, it doesn't even hurt." I lied. It was starting to feel quite sore, but I wasn't adding fuel to the fire here. I smiled.

Deacon shook his head, calming slightly. "That's a solid shot to the face."

"He didn't mean to do it. But we did have a fight and I walked out. I…I…was hoping maybe I could stay here for a night or two." I smiled weakly as my dad ran a hand through his beard. He slipped his hand gun into the back of his waistband and nodded.

"Of course, kid. Come on in…" He pushed the door open the rest of the way revealing the inside.

Deacon ushered me into his loft. It was beautiful, with solid oak wood floors, huge arched windows that lead to the ceiling. It smelled like cigarettes and stale beer a bit, but I expected that. Deacon led me inside more towards the living room, which consisted of a few black leather sofas and coffee tables, all lined with clothes and beer bottles.I was surprised to see a rug on the floor.

"It ain't much, but it's home." Deacon gave me a sheepish smile. There was a shotgun, presumably loaded lying on the coffee table in front of the sofa. "Make yourself at home."

I sat down on the couch and got a view of the kitchen to my left. The island was covered in beer bottles. I'd almost wondered if he'd had a party or something. There was a wrought iron twisting staircase that lead to what I assumed was his bedroom.

"I like your place." I smiled.

Part of me wondered if this is where I would have lived all my life had Deacon and my mom stayed together. The place was big. It was wide open. There was a pool table past the kitchen and a small office area.

"So what the hell happened?" Deacon asked, looking at me genuinely concerned.

By the time I finished explaining what happened I was in tears again. Stupid fucking pregnancy hormones. Deacon had moved to sit beside me and had his hand lying gently on my shoulder. "Jesus. Jax has always been a short tempered little shit. Even as a teenager. It doesn't surprise me. I'm sorry you got suspended. Do you want me to go down there? Because I will."

"I think Chamberlain has seen enough of SAMCRO. But I appreciate it.

"You can stay here as long as you need, kid. Have you eaten anything?" He asked, rubbing a tear away from my cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"No." I sniffled. "But I'm starving. Do you have any peanut butter?" I half laughed and cried.

"And some pickles?" He smirked as I nodded my head, "coming right up, kiddo." Deacon kissed the top of my head. Any weirdness I expected since he walked in on Jax and I had ceased to exist. I watched as he walked into the kitchen and grabbed a plate and got out the peanut butter and pickles.

He brought it into the living room and sat it down on the coffee table. He handed me a jar of peanut butter and a spoon. It felt so weird to have my dad bringing me a snack. It was such a simple thing.

"Thanks." I mumbled, plopping peanut butter in my mouth.

"What do you say I make some dinner? It doesn't look like I've got church tonight. Jax wasn't at the table, so we had to push our vote until tomorrow. Clays pissed." Deacon spoke. "Least I know why Jax is MIA now." Part of me wondered why Jax hadn't gone to church tonight, but I know it's because of me. It has to be.

"About Otto?" I blurted out.

Deacon nodded. "Jax tell you?"

"Yeah. We have full disclosure." I kept eating peanut butter and felt my heart aching for him and Abel already. "Did you tell my mom everything about the club?" I asked, suddenly looking at my father.

Deacon laughed, a hearty laugh. It made me smile. "Oh, kid. Your momma knew everything before I did. That's always how it seemed to work anyway." He smiled, obviously remembering a time way back when with my mom. "I tried to protect her from the brunt of it, but she didn't want it. She wanted to know every detail. She said she had to know because she'd rather be slapped in the face with the truth then kissed goodnight with a lie."

That was exactly the same way I felt about the club.

"We have that in common." I crunched into a pickle.

"How bout you relax and I make you my famous baked mac and cheese with bacon and chives." My stomach growled at the sound of that. I loved mac and cheese with a passion.

"Okay." I smiled. "Can I help? I used to cook with mom a lot."

Deacon stared at me for a long time and then nodded his head, "I'd like nothing more."

- **SOA-**

 **Jax's Point of View**

I stared at the door Rowan had just stormed out of and slammed shut behind her. Abel was wailing in my arms and it hit me that I really didn't know how to make him stop. I was so dependent on Rowan that I couldn't even look after my own son. Rowan has been with him more then I have since he came home from the hospital. She'd be back. She had to come back. She wouldn't just walk out like this. She's not Tara. I fucked up and this is my punishment, right? In an hour she'll come walking back in and things will be fine.

Or she'll buy a bus ticket and disappear like Tara did to your dumbass, I thought.

I shifted Abel to my other shoulder and bounced him softly trying to calm him. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed Rowan's cell number. It went straight to voicemail and her voice came over the line.

"It's Rowan. Leave a message." The tone buzzed in my ear and I stayed silent for a moment thinking of what I could say to convince her to come home.

Abel continued to cry on my shoulder.

"Ro, please come home. Please just talk to me. I love you. Just come back to the house." I ended the call and walked to the kitchen, still bouncing Abel. I made him a bottle and laid him in his bouncy chair to drink it, but it obviously wasn't what he wanted because he kept crying. I sat down in the armchair in front of him and tried to call Rowan again.

I was starting to get even more pissed off.

"Rowan, answer your fucking phone." I ended the call and then scrolled through the list of contacts in my phone before finding the one I was after. I listened to the phone ring and ring and ring before I heard my mothers voice. "If I didn't answer, I probably don't care." I rolled my eyes at the snarky voicemail message, typical Gemma.

"Rowan walked out and I don't know what I'm supposed to do with the kid, mom, call me back. I've gotta get ready for a vote tonight and I can't do it with a screaming kid on my hip." I flipped my phone closed and then looked down at Abel.

The Clubhouse was our best bet. I scooped him up from the chair and loaded him into his car seat and grabbed his diaper bag that Rowan thankfully kept packed and ready to go and headed towards the truck. Once he was fastened in, I started the truck backing out of the drive. The short drive to the Clubhouse felt like forever as I wondered what was going to happen between Rowan and I. I knew that I had fucked up when I went at that kid, but everything's just been so fucked up between us since she and Gemma had that accident. We've been so hot and cold with each other for weeks now. We're both fucking jealous as hell. Me probably more than her. I snapped today. I made a mistake. A costly one.

Jesus. I got her fucking suspended.

I turned on to the lot and pulled into a parking space near the doors. I carried Abel's car seat inside and handed him off to one of the Croweaters I knew had kids. I knocked on the bar to get the attention of the guy that was bartending tonight. I really needed to hunt down Juice and Chibs for the vote tonight. I needed them on my side on all this Zoebelle shit. Piney too.

"Jack." He grabbed a shot glass and poured out a shot.

"Leave the bottle." He nodded and obliged, leaving the bottle of Jack Daniel's in front of me. I tossed back the shot, the familiar burn sliding down my throat and coming to a rest in the pit of my stomach. It did absolutely nothing to ease the tension so I poured another. And another. And another. Maybe Rowan would be better off with a guy like Stephen. Some rich normal douchebag that can give her a perfect white picket fence life. Someone who has a job that can give her the life she deserves. Not some half drunk outlaw biker with a fucking GED who flies off the handle at a moments notice.

I was halfway through the bottle when a Croweater appeared beside me. She ran her hand down my bicep.

"Hey Jax, you look like you need some company." She was laying it on thick for what I assumed was my benefit.

"I don't." I grumbled, knocking back another shot. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked to see if Rowan had texted or called. Nothing. I took another shot and clenched my jaw shut.

"Are you sure?" She pouted. I leveled her with a glare and she finally took the hint and walked away.

I texted Rowan's phone.

Please answer me. I need to see you. I want you. I love you. – Jax

I laid my phone on the bar and kept drinking, waiting for a response I wasn't sure would ever come. I had just drained the last drop from the bottle when my phone buzzed.

Not tonight. I need space. – Rowan

I was hurt that she didn't want to see me, but at the very least she answered my text. That had to mean something right? I racked my brain to think of where she would have gone before realizing that without a doubt, she would be with Lena. I was slightly buzzed, okay, more then slightly as I stumbled off the bar stool.

I took Abel back from Bethany and headed for the truck. "You sure you're good to drive?"

"I'm fine." I snapped at Bethany over my shoulder. My mind swayed lightly but I was in control.

I pulled into Lena's driveway and killed the engine, glancing over my shoulder to see Abel sleeping. I opened my door and headed for Lena's front step, I almost tripped but caught myself. It took me a minute to recover, but when I stopped seeing stars I pounded on the door. After what felt like forever the door flew open and I was face to face with a very pissed off Lena.

"Jax? What the fuck are you doing here? Do you not know what time it is?" Lena pulled her silk bathrobe tighter around herself, hiding her Harry Potter pajamas.

I looked up to see a dark sky and realized it must be late if she's this pissed. I didn't give a shit though.

"I need to see Rowan. Now." I demanded. I tried stepping forward, but Lena pushed me back lightly causing me to sway. "Rowan!" I yelled.

Lena rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest. "Well good luck calling her name dumbass, she's not here. You reek like whiskey." She scoffed, studying me. Panic rose within me slightly.

"What do you mean she's not here? Where else would she go?" I snapped, feeling my anger taking hold of my emotions.

"I'm not telling you that, you're loaded. Wait, who has Abel?" Lena looked concerned.

"I do…" I replied, half ass pointing to the truck.

"Where is he!" Lena practically screamed.

"He's sleeping in the truck. I'm fine to drive." I staggered a step to the side and I could have sworn Lena wanted to kill me. She took off for the truck and climbed into the back seat with Abel. I watched her pull out her phone and bring it to her ear. I could faintly hear what she was saying as I came closer.

"Showed up drunk…Abel's in the truck… What do I do? Okay. See you soon." Lena ended the call as I made it to the truck.

"Was that Rowan?" I asked hopefully. Lena gave me a dirty look, climbing out of the truck and getting back into the drivers seat.

"Get in the truck Jax." She said flatly.

"Why?" I asked.

"I'm taking you to Rowan so that nothing happens to Abel." I paused for a moment before climbing into the back seat with Abel. Before I knew it, I was snoring in the backseat and only woke up when Lena brake checked me and I flew forward and hit my head off the seat.

"What the fuck Lena!" I groaned.

"That's what you get for driving drunk, dumbass." Her eyes met mine in the rearview.

- **SOA-**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

I'd been curled up asleep on the couch when Lena called with the news of Jax showing up at her house. Drunk. With Abel in the car. I was pissed off I could have killed him. I was going to kill him. After everything today and he pulls this shit? What was he thinking! He could have killed Abel! He could have killed himself! He could have killed someone else. Deacon was asleep upstairs. I was hoping I could get Abel inside and keep him quiet without waking Deacon up.

Jax was going to be surprised when he got here and was forced to walk home. I was taking his fucking keys.

My phone buzzed in my hand. I looked down to see I had a text from Lena.

We're at the door. -Lena

I practically jogged to the door and unlocked it. It was a bit heavy, but I managed to slide it open. Lena stared back at me, holding Abel in his carrier. He was sound asleep. Perfectly fine. Perfectly safe. I sighed a sigh of relief and bent down to adjust his blanket around him. I glanced to my right to see Jax half unconscious leaning against the wall by the door.

"He's a lot heavier then you'd think. He's so fucking wasted right now. He could hardly make it up the stairs." Lena whispered, keeping her voice low.

"Jesus. Jax." I whispered, brushing hair out of his face and behind his ears. He moaned and opened his eyes, registering who I was.

"Babe, babe, I love you." His words were slurred and he smelled like whiskey.

"Well so much for making you walk home." I muttered to myself, seething with anger.

"Get up!" I hissed, trying to get him to his feet. It was damn near impossible. Jax was twice my size and weighed more then me. "Get up, asshole." I pulled on him again.

Lena sat Abel's carrier down and tried to help me haul him to his feet, but he just kept moaning I love you and slipping back to the floor.

"What should we do?" Lena hissed, still in her bathrobe and pajamas. I was in a sweater and shorts myself.

Jax latched onto me and slid his hand up onto my neck, rubbing his thumb back and forth. "Come home. Please. I need you."

"I should let you sleep here on the fucking floor. What the hell were you thinking! Driving drunk with my son in the car!" I hissed, stoping briefly, catching my little slip up, "with your son." As much as I wanted him to be Abel wasn't legally mine. Which made this even harder.

Jax wasn't registering my anger at all. Actually he looked like he was about to vomit. His face was pale and his eyes were bloodshot from the alcohol. He clenched his stomach and then leaned over my way and barfed by my feet. Once he was done he rested his head on my knee.

"Ugh, gross!" Lena covered her nose.

"Oh, Jax." I whispered, absentmindedly running my fingers through his sweat soaked hair. He moaned and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"What the hell is going on out here?" Deacon snapped, glancing down at all of us piled on the floor in front of his front door. He slipped his gun back in his waistband and shook his head when he saw me on the floor holding Jax.

"He's wasted." I said, feeling tears forming in my eyes.

Deacon stepped out of his loft and around the vomit. He patted my shoulder. "You get Abel. I've got dumbass here. Oh, Jesus. He's covered in puke. What's next, piss?" He snapped at Jax as he hauled him up and inside the loft.


	116. Chapter 116: Mess I've Made

**Chapter 116**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Deacon grabbed Jax by the back of the cut and hauled him to his feet, despite Jax's protests for him to get the hell off of him. Lena handed me Abel in his carrier and gave me a sympathetic look. She leaned in and hugged me.

"Thanks for bringing him here." I whispered. I was so relieved Jax had managed to make it to her house safely in his state and that she was willingly to bring them both to me at this hour.

"No problem. But I'm taking Jax's truck and going home. I deal with this shit on the daily with my mom." Lena gave me a light squeeze before letting go and disappearing down the staircase. "Have fun!" She called out from downstairs.

Yeah, this was gonna be a fucking blast.

"Let go of me!" Jax snapped trying to break free of Deacon's hold.

"Don't make me hurt you, shithead." Deacon growled and surprisingly Jax stopped struggling. Deacon wrapped an arm around Jax and quite literally dragged him into the loft.

I felt horrible that I'd dragged all of my drama with Jax here to his door. And that my drama dragged him out of bed in just his sweatpants. This was the first time I'd ever seen Deacon shirtless so I was somewhat surprised to see the tattoos he had. I mean he's a SON so I figured he had them, I just never got to see them.

The entire left side of his torso was inked with a war scene and army helicopters flying above. It was beautiful and symbolized his time in Vietnam. It made me realize I didn't even know what he did when he was in the army. All I know is he served with Piney. He also had the SAMCRO crest on his left shoulder.

"Where do you want him, kid?" Deacon asked me as I shut the door behind us.

"He's gunna need to shower, he's covered in puke." I replied, carrying Abel over to the couch and sitting down his carrier. He was still sound asleep, thankfully. He was making a cute little sucking noise with his lips. I'd only been away from him for a few hours and I missed him so much. He's become my entire world.

A faint smile formed on Abel's face making my heart swell as I adjusted his blanket around him again.

"Don't remind me." Deacon grumbled, disgusted I'm sure.

"Come on." Deacon half-carried, half-dragged Jax into the bathroom which was just off the living room.

I stepped away from Abel to check on Jax only to see Deacon dumping him fully clothed in the bottom of the shower. Deacon smirked and turned on the water, making sure it was as cold as possible.

Jax spluttered when he felt the icy cold water. I winced as the water pelted Jax forcefully.

"Deacon, what the fuck? I'm your fucking VP, show so goddamn respect!" Jax demanded, pushing some wet hair out of his eyes. I'd be surprised if he even remembered any of this in the morning.

I've seen him drunk before, but never like this.

Knots formed in my stomach at the thought of me causing him to do this to himself. But anger towards him took over any sympathy I had seconds later.

"Respect? Where's my respect? You show up at my house, absolutely tanked after driving around with your son in the car and I have to haul my ass out of bed to help you." Jax opened his mouth but stopped when Deacon pointed to the door and lowered his voice. "Where's her respect, Jax? Huh? You busting up her face like that, what were you thinking?" Deacon bellowed, his voice sending chills straight to my bones.

Deacon's voice had that air of authority that when you heard it, you listened. Jesus, I would have been terrified of that booming voice as a child.

I glanced at Abel to make sure he hadn't woken up.

"I wasn't thinking!" Jax roared trying to climb to his feet. Deacon used his foot to push Jax back, which resulted in Jax falling to the floor with a loud thud. I winced. "Deacon! Enough!" I defended Jax in his drunk state, God only knows why.

"C'mon pretty boy. Get up!" Deacon taunted, nodding his head. He's been looking for a reason to kill Jax and this just might be it.

"Fuck you." Jax spat, getting more irate and bold. I could see this heading in a very bad direction.

I walked into the tiny bathroom and got between them, placing a hand on Deacons shoulder. He was tense and rigid. Ready to strike something, someone. Jax would be a lovely target.

"Fuck me?" Deacon laughed. "Just wait till tomorrow boy, it's gunna be one of the worst days of your life."

Something told me I didn't want to know what the hell that meant.

"Why don't you let me handle Jax." I pleaded, looking up at him. "It'll go quicker. Just keep an eye on Abel, please. This is my mess, not yours."

Deacon ran a hand down the side of his face. Jax managed to get himself sat up on the side of the tub. He rested his elbows on his knees and hung his head low, water dripping off of him.

"I'll be right outside the door." Deacon said, before turning on his heel and heading out of the bathroom. He left the door cracked slightly.

I sighed, kneeling in front of Jax. He was a complete shit show. His eyes met mine and all I saw was pain. He reached out and cradled my face in hands. "Let's just go home. Just come home with me, babe. I need you." He slurred, begging and pleading with me. "I…I…I need you with me. I'm no good without you."

"We're not going home right now. It's late and you're trashed." I removed his hands and helped him out of his cut, sitting it gently on the counter by the sink so I could clean the puke off of it later.

"I didn't mean to do anything." Jax said, his eyes trying to make contact with mine. I was so pissed I wouldn't even look directly at him. "I just need you." He tried slipping his hands onto my face, but I pulled away.

I finally leveled him with a glare. "I'm not going to yell at you right now, because your not going to remember this tomorrow and I want you to remember ever goddamn word I say to you! I will say you are a fucking idiot though, because you are!" I snapped at him, slipping his shirt up over his head and tossing it on the floor behind me. "A reckless fucking idiot." It was taking everything in me not to lose my shit on him right now, I wanted to do that in the morning when he was coherent and hungover with a headache from hell. Yelling at him right now would be like scolding a dopey puppy.

"Why are you so mad?" Jax's face scrunched up as I helped him to his feet. His hands landed on my hips, where they almost always do. I could feel the warmth from his hands seeping through my sweater and it felt so good.

He pressed his forehead against mine and swayed a little on his feet. My body was completely awake and attuned to him. I hated myself right now. Here we are in the middle of an epic fight and I'm getting turned on and we aren't even doing anything. He has puke in his hair for god sake.

Jax nudged his nose against mine, leaning down for a kiss, but I pulled away, pushing his chin up so he'd look at me and pay attention to what I was about to say. "You're not gonna fix this with a kiss, Jax." Plus, after him puking there was no way I was kissing him even if I wanted to do so.

Which right now, I don't. Well my mind doesn't. My body is a different story completely.

"You love when I kiss you." Jax was laying the charm on thick. "You like when I do other things too." He smirked, slipping his hand under my sweater. My body lit up like a sparkler on the Fourth of July at the mere contact of his hand against my skin.

I was getting frustrated and tired. "Stop!" I pulled his hand out and stepped back, running both hands down the front of my face. "I swear to god if you don't stop I will beat your ass!" My mother spilled out of my mouth. God, what would she think of the mess I've put myself in.

"You sound like a mom." Jax chuckled. I'm so glad he thinks I'm being funny.

I took a deep breath and then unbuttoned Jax's jeans and started to help him out of them. "So we're doing that?" He smirked. I wanted to kill him and if looks could kill he'd be dead because I leveled him with a glare so murderous he shut up. He swayed and caught himself on the wall and I realized he wasn't going to be able to stand by himself in the shower without me holding onto him.

"Get in with me." Jax tried to persuade me, brushing hair behind my ear sloppily. "You like taking showers together. I just wanna be close to you." He was so sincere and drunk I didn't know whether to kill him or kiss him.

"I swear to god if I hear Jax say one more sexual thing, I'm gonna shoot him with this goddamn shotgun out here." Deacon said on the other side of the door.

I closed the bathroom door the rest of the way and ushered Jax into the shower. "Would you quit giving him reasons to want you dead!"

"It's cold!" Jax complained, as the water beat down on him. I turned the knob so the water would turn hot. I stripped down out of my clothes and climbed in to the shower with him.

Here I am totally fucking pissed at him and he still managed to get me out of my fucking clothes. I gave him some shampoo and instructed him to wash his hair, but he was more concerned with not doing anything and zoning out in his drunken state. I washed the puke out of his hair and rinsed it. Surprisingly, Jax didn't put up a fight anymore with me. He held onto my hips and once the shampoo was out of his hair I let him stand under the hot water to hopefully get him to sober up a bit.

Jax didn't say a word, but rested his chin on my shoulder, wrapping his arms gently around me in a hug. Tired of arguing, I let him. We stood under the hot water, hugging each other, letting it scorch our skin. "Don't go anywhere. Please. Just don't go."

I pulled back and looked at Jax's drunken heartbroken face and placed my hand on the tattoo of Abel's name on his chest. "I said I needed time. I never said I was going anywhere, Jax."

While Jax tried to comprehend what I'd said I got us out of the shower. I grabbed two towels out of the closet, wrapping one around his waist. Jax slicked his hair back with his hands as I dried off quickly and got dressed again. I opened the door a crack and saw Deacon sitting on the couch next to Abel's carrier.

"Do you have some clothes he could borrow?" I asked. Deacon shook his head and got up. He went upstairs and returned with a pair of grey sweat pants.

"Thank you." I smiled weakly as he handed them off to me.

I closed the door and helped Jax into his boxers and the sweats Deacon gave me. "Come on. Let's get you settled on the couch." I steered Jax out of the bathroom and into the living room. I plopped him on the sofa adjacent to Deacon and Abel.

"How're you feeling?" Deacon snapped at Jax as I went to get Jax a glass of water from the kitchen.

"Like shit." Jax mumbled, wiping his eyes with the palm of his hand. I handed him the glass of water, but he ignored the glass in my hand and reached for the beer bottles on the coffee table.

"No." I smacked his hand away. "You need water."

"I don't want water. I want beer." He quipped back.

"Well, you're not getting any!" I shoved the glass in his hand.

"Why are you being so bitchy?" Jax snapped, reluctantly sipping the water. He glared up at me.

"Shut the fuck up." Deacon snapped. "You're fucking lucky she's willing to take care of your drunken ass, because I sure as hell would have been fine letting you sleep on the floor outside the front door." Deacon got up and snatched the water out of his hand and slammed it on the coffee table. "You've had enough. Rowan, you and Abel can take my bed upstairs and I'll sleep on the other sofa."

I nodded, not wanting to argue.

Jax on the other hand, well, he wanted to argue.

"No, she's staying…" Jax struggled to sit up with from his slumped position on the couch, "with me." He grabbed my hand and laced his fingers with my own. "She's not going anywhere."

"You need to go to sleep!" I told him.

"I just wanna sleep with you." He tugged on my hand.

"Go upstairs, Rowan." Deacon said, keeping his tone even with me.

Jax wasn't letting go of my hand.

"I'm not taking your bed. It'll be easier if I just take the other couch. He'll probably puke again," I pointed at Jax, "and he might need a bottle in the middle of the night." I pointed to Abel. "I'm not sure when he's ate last. I'll be fine down here with them. Go to sleep. I've kept you up long enough."

Deacon considered my words then nodded. "He gives you any shit, come get me." He glared at Jax before heading upstairs.

I got Jax settled with a blanket and then turned the lights out and laid down on the other couch myself. Twenty mins passed maybe, if that, before Jax started up again.

"Rowan," he moaned, shifting on the couch.

"Go to sleep." I mumbled.

"Rowan," he moaned again, a little louder.

"C'mere. I can't sleep without you." He went on.

"Will you be quiet before Deacon comes back down here!" I whispered.

"I need you. Please, babe." His voice was raspy and I could tell he wasn't going to let up unless he got what he wanted.

I flung the blanket off myself angrily and walked over to him. Even in the darkness we could find each other. His hand found mine and pulled me against him on the couch. Apparently he'd sat up, because he'd pulled me next to him. My knees were tucked up against my chin, tilting against his bare chest, while his arm was around me. I felt him relax beside me.

Our foreheads leaned against each other. "I love you." Jax whispered.

And with tears forming in my eyes I brushed his damp hair behind his ear, soothingly. "Go to sleep, Jackson."

 **A/N: Sorry it's taken so long to post guys! This was supposed to be longer, but I didn't wanna keep you waiting any longer. It may seem like Rowan is going easy on Jax, but just you wait until the next chapter!**

 **Your reviews are the best! Keep em' coming, please and thank you! :)**


	117. Chapter 117: White Picket Fence Life

**Chapter 117**

 **Jax's Point of View**

The light shining in through the huge ass windows behind the couch woke me up, along with the pounding headache I had. It felt like someone had a jackhammer inside my brain. Fuck. What the hell happened last night? As I lied on the couch on my side I carefully opened my eyes one at a time, only intensifying my headache. Rowan was on her side facing me, her head tucked under my chin and her palms flat against my bare chest. My arm was slung over her hip, protectively.

I glanced around the flat, realizing that, shit, we were at Deacon's place. How the hell did we end up here? I stretched a little, rubbing my hand up Rowan's back trying to remember last night, she whimpered lightly at my movement and scooted in closer against me. Her little belly was the only thing keeping us apart at this point. I pressed a light kiss to her forehead and let my nose rest on her a minute longer, breathing her in. My eyes landed on Abel sleeping soundly in his carrier on the floor in front of the couch and the events of last night hit me like a freight train.

Rowan and I had argued about what happened at Chamberlain with Stephen and her getting suspended. I was an asshole, as usual. She walked out, leaving me with Abel. I know I took him to the club and…fuck…I got a little wasted. I don't even know how I ended up here. Did I drive? With him in the car?

I closed my eyes, not wanting to think about what could have happened or what I did last night? I tucked some blonde hair behind Rowan's ear and held her close to me. She told me she needed time to think… What was that even supposed to mean?

She left me. Just like Tara did and it killed me. Tara left Charming and subsequently me because she wanted a better life for herself and didn't want to put up with the club. That's how I lost her. Is this what's going to make me loose Rowan? The thought made me nauseous. Rowan was everything to me. She was everything to my kid. Hell, she's having another one of my kids.

Only three things in this world mattered to me anymore.

Rowan.

My kids.

My club.

My head was hurting and I felt like I needed to puke, but somehow I managed to doze back off. Someone jabbing me in the ribs woke me up. "What the fuck?" I moaned, opening my eyes to see Deacon standing over me and Rowan on the couch.

"Get the fuck up." He whispered, pointing to Rowan. "Don't wake her up either."

"Seriously?" I questioned. The look he gave me told me I should probably keep my mouth shut and get the fuck up. He was beyond pissed. I must of really been shitfaced when I showed up here or got brought here.

Carefully and quietly I detangled myself from Rowan and got up without waking her up. I pulled the flannel blanket over her we'd both been using.

"Bring the kid. Let's go." Deacon instructed. "I think your hungover ass can manage to take care of him if he wakes up so she can sleep."

I grabbed Abel's carrier and followed Deacon. This was gonna be great.

Deacon stomped down the stairs to the gym as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. Speaking around a yawn I tried to weasel my way out of whatever torture Deacon has planned for me, even though I know I probably deserve it and then some. "C'mon Deacon, we don't have to do this."

I sat Abel down in his carrier on the mats and watched Deacon pick up a pair of gloves. He responded to my plea by chucking the pair of gloves in the general direction of my head. I caught them and glared at him.

Deacon climbed up into the ring, ignoring me, as I tried to wake up. This was going to be fucking hell.

"Hurry up, shithead. I don't have all day." Deacon taunted, ushering me to get in the ring.

I rolled my eyes, but climbed up into the ring none the less.

"I know you're pissed, alright? I'm sorry our shit got drug to your door. But it's none of your business, man." I tried to reason with him.

"It's my business because Rowan is my fucking daughter and last night I saw you treating her like a god damn croweater. You drove around drunk with your kid in the car! You let your personal shit interfere with club matters. So this is my business." Deacon boomed, leveling me with a look before leaning back into the ropes. "You hitting her in the face? That's my business too. I told you if you ever hurt her I was going to beat the living shit out of you. I fully intend to make good on that promise."

"That was an accident." I shot back at him harshly. It was an accident. I'd never intentionally hit Rowan. Ever. And if anyone else ever did I'd kill them.

"Accident or not, I think it's only fair we go blow for blow. Even the score a little." Deacon stepped forward and I knew I was gonna get my ass handed to me.

He was pissed, I was pissed, so I wasn't going down with out a fight. Hungover or not.

I lifted my gloves as Deacon started to dance around me in the ring. With a heavy, aching head I tried to focus on Deacon's movements, but my own were sluggish and delayed. Deacon popped me with a blow to the ribs, that I most certainly wasn't ready for. I groaned and coughed, hunched over holding my side and was rewarded with a left hook to the jaw. Stumbling back, I held my face as Deacon let out a laugh.

"C'mon pretty boy! Throw a punch. Let's see what you got!" Getting a little more pissed, I lunge forward, swinging at Deacon and missed by a mile. Deacon took advantage of my momentum and stuck out a foot to trip me. I landed flat on my face and slowly pushed myself back up.

As soon as I was on my feet, Deacon unleashed blows from the left and right. I took each hit, because I deserved it. What kind of man hits his girlfriend? Accident or not. Then drives around drunk with his kid in the car?

 **Rowan's Point of View**

I woke up and felt for Jax and was surprisingly disappointed when I didn't feel him in front of me. Even though I was pissed at him, sleeping next to him had made me feel better. The anger from last night had still carried over into this morning though. I felt it pent up inside me like a monster waiting to be let out of a cage. How could he have been so fucking stupid? I know I'm not perfect, by any means, but driving around drunk with a child in the car is outrageous.

It's one thing to put yourself in that situation, but another little innocent life too? I wanted to kill Jax for almost killing himself and Abel. I could see the irony in that. I wasn't overreacting either. I had every right to be angry with Jax. I had a whole list of reasons to be angry with him, actually.

But I was also lying to him. So maybe some of the blame should be placed on my shoulders as well…

I sat up, noticing the flat was pretty quiet. Abel's carrier wasn't sitting on the floor. "Jax? Deacon?" I called out, only to be met with silence. Either they were all downstairs or Deacon killed Jax and was out burying his body…

I decided to get dressed, pulling on a loose fitting button up and a pair of shorts, before cleaning up Deacon's bathroom. I gently cleaned the vomit off Jax's cut while I was at it. I stared at the patches on the worn leather vest and rubbed my fingers over them. I was holding who Jax was in my hands. He was SAMCRO. My father was SAMCRO. I was SAMCRO.

I came out of the bathroom and laid Jax's cut down on the couch and then headed downstairs to see what they were doing or if they were even down there.

As I descended the stairs I heard things being smacked and grunts and groans. I walked out into the gym to see Deacon basically beating the shit out of Jax.

"What are you doing?" I yelled, moving closer. "You're gonna kill each other!"

Deacon turned to look at me, giving Jax the opportunity to nail him right in the side of the jaw, sending him flying backwards onto the mat.

My hand flew to my mouth, and then I ran forward, climbing up into the ring. "Jesus, are you okay?" I asked, Deacon half laughed and sat up, resting his elbows on his knees. He waved me off, nodding, spitting out blood.

Gross.

I glanced to my other side to see Jax sitting down, ripping his gloves off. He tossed them across the gym, hard, breathing heavily. His lip was busted and just like me he'd been hit in the cheekbone area. It was red and already starting to swell up a bit.

"Was this all really necessary?" I shot out.

"We were entertaining the kid." Deacon pointed at Abel.

He was situated so his car seat was facing the ring. He was wide awake with a smile on his face.

"You are never babysitting, like ever." I said.

"He enjoyed watching his ole man get his ass handed to him, ain't that right." Deacon said, getting up, grinning at Abel.

I rolled my eyes and glanced at Jax. He was covered in sweat. I watched him run his hands through his hair and fall back onto his back on the mat.

"Could you give us a minute?" I asked Deacon.

"I'll be in the office if you need me." Deacon said, then wondered over into the office that overlooked the gym. He closed the door behind him. He could still see us through the windows of the office, but at least he couldn't hear us.

Jax sat up after a moment and glanced at me.

"How's your head?" I knelt down beside him. There was no concern laced in my voice.

"It hurts like a bitch." Jax relied, dryly.

"Good. I'm glad."

"Listen…" Jax started, but I held my hand up, stopping him.

"No, you can listen to me! How could you drive around drunk with him in the car? How stupid are you? You could have killed him! You could have killed yourself! Or someone else! He's your son, Jax. Your supposed to protect him, not put him in harms way! If I had known you couldn't be a grown up and take responsibility for him when you're with him, I would have taken him with me!"

"Maybe if you hadn't walked out like you did, I wouldn't have gotten fucking drunk and did what I did." Jax snapped, glaring at me. The heat between us kept rising and rising.

"Are you seriously trying to blame this on me?" I shot out, getting to my feet. Jax stood up as well, giving me a full view of his sweat soaked bare chest. His ribs looked red and swollen where Deacon had hit him no doubt.

"Don't you get tired of running away every time things get hard between us?" Jax yelled back at me practically. "Any time we hit a rough patch, little Rowan packs a bag and walks out. It's bullshit. If you wanna do this with me, then be here and do it, don't walk away and come running to daddy."

"I never said I was leaving you! I said I needed time. To cool down. To take a step back before one or both of us said something we couldn't take back. You're the one that went out and did something reckless on top of what you already did." I snapped at him, stepping closer towards him. "But why should I stay with you if this is how you're gonna be, Jax? You beat the shit out of one of my classmates because he touched me. That kind of jealousy isn't good. I mean at one point or another in the future another guy may or may not touch me, whether it be a handshake or a pat on the back at work. Is this how you're gonna react?"

Jax placed his hands on his hips, clenching his jaw shut, staring at the ground. "I don't know why I snapped, okay? I just did. But maybe Stephen is the kinda guy that you should be with."

I scoffed. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means, I can't give you a perfect white picket fence life." Jax's eyes met my own. "I'm not like Stephen and he's the kinda guy that can give you a perfect house, a perfect car, boring anniversary dinners. He's safe. I'm not."

"If I wanted a safe boring guy I wouldn't be standing here. I want you! I want our family. I don't need a perfect white picket fence life, Jax." I found myself moving closer to him, placing my hands around the sides of his neck.

"I'm sorry, okay." Jax said, looking at me practically holding back tears. The angry wall I was trying so hard to keep up, was crashing down, as tears welled in my eyes. "I know I'm not good enough for you. When you left last night I didn't know what to do. When Tara left it fucking hurt like hell, but I pushed through and got over it. Then you walked out the way you did last night and I felt paralyzed. I don't know what to do or who I am without you. I panicked."

Jax slipped his hands onto my hips and pressed his forehead against mine. "I don't like being vulnerable, but I love you and I promise you, if you stick with me, you'll find your place in all this. You mean everything to me, Ro. I put up a wall after Tara left and I didn't let anyone in, until you came along and you just walked right into my heart."

As much as it killed me to do so, I pulled back, looking up at Jax. "I'm not Tara, Jax. And if you think that I would just walk away from you without saying goodbye then you don't know me at all. I would never take your daughter away from you. You and I aren't perfect, but somehow we make it work. We work. Most of the time."

Jax half laughed at that last sentence. He sighed. "I have to go do shit for the club, but I want to keep talking to you. I want you to come home."

"I think I'm gonna stay here for another night or two. I just kinda wanna spend some time with my dad and just put some space between us for a little while. You showing up here drunk didn't exactly do that for us." I gave him a pointed look.

"I'm sorry for that, too." He lowered his head.

"Apologize to him." I looked at Abel, chewing on his blanket.

Jax and I got out of the ring and I picked up Abel, holding him on my hip. He reached for my nose, making me smile. Jax watched us together and placed his hand on the back of Abel's head. He leaned in and kissed him gently. When he pulled back I could tell he wanted to kiss me too, but I looked away. That didn't stop Jax from placing a kiss on my forehead.

"I can keep him with me, unless you want me to call Gemma to come get him." I offered, hoping he'd just let me keep Abel with me.

"No. Do not tell my mother about any of this. Or I will never hear the end of it. Please." He begged, shaking his head. Oh, I was so telling Gemma about all of this!

"You think I'm gonna let you hear the end of it?" I half smirked unable to not screw with him.

"Probably not." Jax smirked. I was still angry with him, but it was a different kind of anger. I was pissed at myself too. I couldn't go home with him and continue to lie to him. It was becoming too much. Gemma and I had to come clean or I'm afraid it really will be the end for Jax and I. "Will you keep him? Bring him by the garage later so I can see him? Maybe we can keep talking?"

"I can do that." I gave him a weak smile.


	118. Chapter 118: I'm With You

**Chapter 118**

 **Jax's Point of View**

Deacon was kind enough to let me use his shower after he handed my ass to me in the ring this morning. I didn't blame him for kicking my ass, it wasn't the first time and knowing me and knowing him it wouldn't be the last time, especially when it came to his girl, well, our girl.

I'd sort of gone off the deep end and let shit slip yesterday evening. Who knows what Clay has whispered in everyone's ear to get them on his side about this Otto shit by now.

I came out of the bathroom, rubbing a towel on my wet hair still, to see Rowan sitting at the island in Deacons kitchen holding Abel on her lap. She was smiling down at him, talking to him while he tried to reach for the pancakes Deacon was sitting down in front of her. The sight of her sitting there holding my kid was holy. Rowan and Abel were the purest parts of my life.

I tossed the towel I was using back in the bathroom, not caring where it landed then joined them all in the kitchen.

"Can I get in on the pancake action?" I smirked at Deacon. He flipped me the finger and returned to the stove to finish cooking what he had in the frying pan.

"Here," Rowan handed me a pancake, giving me a tiny smirk.

I walked over and stood beside her and picked it apart.

"So where you at on this Otto shit, man?" I asked Deacon. He turned so he was leaning against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest.

"What happened ain't right. Otto didn't deserve it. It needs to be set right." Deacon expresses his opinion.

"Yeah, I agree completely. But you and I both know Clay is gonna vote to jump the gun and it's gonna screw us. We need to wait. Learn more about these assholes." I explained, taking a small gulp of Rowan's coffee.

Rowan sighed and shifted Abel to her other leg. "Who had Otto jumped?" She asked, confused slightly.

"Zoebelle." I replied, resting my hand on the small of her back. I felt her stiffen a bit. I didn't know if it's because I said Zoebelle or because I touched her and she didn't want me too.

I looked at Deacon. "I'm gonna need you with me on this or all hell is gonna break loose if Clay has anything to do with it."

Deacon stared at me. He looked tired and restless. He was ready to get this shit taken care of. For as long as I can remember Deacon has never stood for letting his family get hurt without retaliating in some way. And the club was his family.

"I've always been with you, kid. I'll back you. But you're gonna need more then me. Clays pulling Tig and Opie behind him."

"How do you know?" I questioned, finishing off Rowan's cup of coffee.

I walked over to the coffee pot and made her another cup and set it down in front of her. She smiled lightly at me. I placed my hand on the back of Abel's head, feeling his little peach fuzz hair against my palm.

"Well, while you were getting shitfaced I was with Clay yesterday. Apparently sheriff woody's brother is trying to go after Oswald's land. He wants to build some sort of residential estate on it. Clays checking into it." Deacon explained, referring to Hale's brother Jacob. "But Ope and Tig said they're backing Clay. They're worried which way you're gonna swing here."

I nodded, knowing I had my work cut out for me.

There was a knock at the door that sent Deacon off to answer it. I glanced at Rowan and noticed she'd stopped eating and was just moving her food around on the plate with her fork. Things weren't back to normal for us yet, but I felt a bit better about her wanting to stay here with Deacon for a day or two. That was about as long as I could handle it for.

"You okay, babe?" I broke her concentration on her plate.

"I'm fine. Just worried." She answered, honestly.

"What's on your mind?" I sat down on the bar stool next to her and she turned so she was facing me. I placed my hands on her knees and studied her face trying to figure out what was running through her mind.

"Zoebelle. I know Otto is part of the club and he's done a lot for the club, but if he's capable of doing that to Otto behind bars, what if he does something to you and the rest of the guys. I mean, if things go Clay's way it could be really bad, Jax." She looked at me with those blue eyes and I could see the fear and worry laced behind them.

She was about to say something else, but I cut her off. "I'm not gonna let it go Clay's way. Nothing is gonna happen to me."

Rowan kissed Abel's head avoiding making eye contact with me, but nodded her head. Something about her still wasn't sitting right with me.

"Hey, catch, booze hound." Lena called out, making me look over my shoulder just in time to catch the set of keys she was tossing at me. "Thought you might want your truck back."

"Thanks. How'd you end up with my truck?" I asked, confused.

Lena looked at me and then Rowan. "Seriously, you don't remember showing up at my house pounding on the door calling out Rowan's name like a cat in heat."

The memory vaguely resurfaced in my mind.

"You're welcome by the way, I brought you here." Lena waltzed into Deacons kitchen like she owned it and grabbed herself a cup of coffee, leaving Deacon staring at her like she had six snake heads.

"Whatever." I shook my head, looking at Rowan. "I gotta go. Bring Abel by the shop later. We'll talk. Alright?" I squeezed her knee gently and leaned forward placing a kiss on her forehead. As I pulled back she looked at me, making me cup her cheek in my hand. "Everything is gonna be fine, babe. Don't worry about this Zoebelle shit. Okay?"

"Okay." She all but whispered.

"I'm heading out with Jax." Deacon told Rowan. "You make yourself at home here, alright? Not you, Lena."

Lena faked shock. "Rude, much! What I do to you?"

"You, Opie, Office. Ringing any bells?" Deacon glared at her.

I was confused, but intrigued to know what all that meant.

Lena smirked and winked at us before we walked out the front door.

 **A/N: This chapter is a lot longer! I don't know why but the site is only letting this much show up. I have no clue why! Hang in there while I figure out what's going on! Sorry guys!**


	119. Chapter 119: Little Fires Everywhere

**Chapter 119**

 **Rowan's Point of View**

Deacon and Jax left to head to the clubhouse, leaving just Lena and I with Abel in the kitchen. My mind was fighting a battle with itself. If Zoebelle did what he did to Gemma and I out in the open and what he did to Otto behind bars, he'd have no problem eliminating Jax and Deacon if they became to big of a problem for them. If Clay pisses Zoebelle off enough, how far will this all go? When will it fucking stop?

"Hello…? Earth to Rowan?" Lena was snapping her fingers in front of my face, half laughing at my zoned out expression.

"What? Sorry." I tuned back in suddenly.

"Are you okay?" Lena's eyebrows creased together with worry.

I bounced Abel on my knee. "I'm fine. I'm just worried about Jax and this whole Zoebelle thing. Lying to him is killing me and if I tell him the truth it could get him killed."

Lena walked around the island and sat down on the barstool Jax had been sitting in moments ago. She outstretched her arms and smiled at Abel, wanting to hold him. I handed him over to her and decided to clean up the dishes from breakfast by placing them in the sink.

"I know you're scared, Ro, and you want to keep Jax safe, but maybe he needs to know, maybe knowing the truth will make all of it stop." Lena offered.

I sat back down next to her and sighed. "Jax would do anything for anyone. He has an incredibly kind heart, Lena. It's my job to protect that heart of his that I love so much. I have to be strong for him. If we're gonna make it through this life, I have to be strong and smart about things when and where he can't be when rage and revenge are there to cloud his judgment."

Lena considered my words and hugged Abel close to her. I knew she was taking my words seriously because she was interested in Opie, which meant this would be her life too. Part of me was glad I wouldn't be alone in it all if things between them worked out, but another part of me wanted something more 'normal' for my best friend. Because, let's face it, this life is far from normal.

"If you're protecting Jax, then who is protecting you in all this, Ro?" Lena asked.

I bit my lip and shrugged my shoulders. I guess I was trying to protect me, but at what cost? If things kept up Jax and I won't be together by the time Rae is born. Zoebelle will have tore us apart with this lie that I'm struggling to keep. Do I really wanna let him win? Do I really wanna keep risking my relationship with Jax? No.

"So, I've been meaning to talk to you about some things that have transpired recently." Lena began and I couldn't help but laugh at her choice of words.

"Transpired?" I laughed again. "That sounded so weird coming out of your mouth."

"Hey! I have one of those stupid word of the day calendars! I'm trying to put it to use! Anyway, I wanted to tell you I quit my job at the diner."

"That's great, but what are you gonna do for money now?" Abel made a cooing noise as he kept grabbing his feet.

"I already have a new job lined up." Lena informed me, proudly. "I'm gonna work for Luanne."

My eyes shot up from gazing at Abel to meet hers. Lena was smiling nervously. Was she serious?

"Dude, you should see your fucking face right now!" Lena got up and laughed, pacing around with Abel.

"Luanne? Luanne as in the clubs Luanne? Porn studio owner Luanne? Gemma's friend Luanne?" I questioned, needing more details immediately. The diner was a shitty job, and had shit pay, but to quit there to work for Luanne boggled my mind. What the hell is she thinking? Lena has always been impulsive and unpredictable, but I've always been good about being supportive, but this? I don't know if I can support this.

I wasn't judging, but I wanted better for her.

Was she going to become a porn star?

"Yes, that Luanne. Relax, it's behind the camera work!" She laughed again, as I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh thank god." I breathed out, rubbing my forehead. "How did all this happen?"

"Luanne and I got to talking at that wrap party after you left a few weeks back and she mentioned she needed an assistant. So I told her I'd do it. She's gonna pay me ten times what I'm making at the diner. This way I can save up and be out of my mother's house sooner!" Lena smiled, thrilled about the idea of being away from her mother. I didn't blame her. "And, I can keep an eye on all the skanky hoe's and let you know in advance if any of them are getting any ideas about Jax."

"And Opie…" I said, smirking at her.

"No." She started, but then said, "Okay, yes, him too." We both laughed.

Lena handed Abel back to me when he started to fuss in her arms, not sure what to do to make him calm down. He rested his head on my shoulder and tugged on my hair while I rubbed his back. He ate a bottle but didn't burp much so I knew he might be gassy.

Lena walked around Deacons place inspecting things. She'd pick things up and sit them back down. "Your dad has a nice place. Nicer then nice. It's actually kickass." She made her way to kitchen and started open cabinets here and there peeking inside. She opened one final cabinet and laughed. "Damn! Could you imagine if you'd grown up here, all the parties we could have thrown!" She pointed to the assortment of alcohol bottles lining the inside of the cabinet.

It looked like he was trying to create his own bar. How much did he drink? The bottles were all in varying stages of emptiness. I remember when I showed up yesterday all the beer bottles scattered around as well.

Lena closed the cabinet and wondered around to the spiral staircase leading upstairs. She turned back and smirked at me.

"No! We are not snooping through Deacons room. No!" I ordered her.

"Oh come on! I wanna know if he's boxers or briefs!" She laughed, walking up a few steps.

I followed after her. "Gross! No! Get back down here!" I half whispered and yelled like he could here me.

Of course Lena didn't listen and headed upstairs into Deacons bedroom because it was the only room upstairs. The bed was a rumpled mess from a fitful night of sleep. Clothes in varying shades of black and gray littered the floor. Beer bottles lined both bed side tables. There was a bed and a tv and tv stand adjacent from it and not much else safe for his dress that was loaded with different trinkets and jewelry and paperwork. Cardboard boxes filled the left corner, some small some bigger.

"Oh my god." Lena held up a bright pink bra by the strap.

"I'm gonna be sick!" I gagged.

"What if it belongs to Ima?" Lena wondered aloud.

We both froze as a mental image worked its way into our minds.

"Ahhh!" We both yelled. Lena slung the bra across the room and tried to rub the slut off herself. "This is weird and wrong and I'm going back downstairs!"

"Check this out, it has your name on it." Lena was holding a small shoe box in her hands. She shrugged and brought it over to where I was standing with Abel in my arms. I had no idea what it was. "I wonder what's inside. We should open it."

"No, we shouldn't." I corrected her.

"Come on. It has your name on it. It's for you." She tried to persuade me.

My curiosity getting the better of me I came closer to her. "Maybe just a peek inside."

Lena's eyes lit up and she lifted the lid off the old shoebox. I didn't really know what to expect when she opened it. Maybe old pictures of me, my mother had given him at some point? Inside nestled together were letters and cards in different colored envelopes. There was a white envelope lying on top that had hand writing on it that I'd recognize anywhere…

"That's my moms handwriting." Written in swirly cursive lettering on top of the white envelope were words my mother had written.

To Rowan… open this one first.

The wind felt like it had been knocked out of me. Abel started to whine in my arms. My head started to hurt. What the hell was this? Why did Deacon have it. Lena's face fell realizing what we'd stumbled upon. I headed back downstairs and placed Abel on a blanket on the floor with one of his little toys. Lena knelt down beside us on the floor with the box, handing it over to me.

My fingers shook as I looked through the letters. They were all from her to me. They were numbered.

"What the fuck is this?" I whispered, feeling my eyes starting to burn as I held back tears.

"Open one of them." Lena offered gently.

"No! Why does he have these? What are they? Why would he keep these from me? She's been dead for weeks now!" I started to feel my heart pounding in my chest slightly with each question filling my brain. These were words from my mother to me that he kept in a box in his room for weeks.

The sound of the door sliding open caught our attention. Deacon stepped inside. "Sorry, I forgot my gun." His eyes fell to us on the floor and the box on my lap. His mouth formed a small o shape. He walked inside further noticing the anger probably evident on my face and the tear rolling down my cheek.

"You know, I'm gonna take Abel downstairs. Let you two talk…" Lena picked up Abel and headed downstairs to the gym.

"I see you and Lena did some snooping." Deacon said, he didn't look surprised or displeased he just looked a little lost at the moment. Ambushed. Unready to get into whatever this is.

"Lena did. What the hell is this?" I stood up, holding the first letter in my hand. "Why do you have letters from mom to me?"

"Your mom gave me that box before she passed away. She gave me specific instructions on when to give them to you. She wanted you to have them when she thought you'd need them most." Deacon began to explain.

"Oh and right after she died wasn't when I needed them most? You should have given these to me! How could you keep them from me! She's my mom…" I finally realized I was yelling and fully crying. I wiped away the river of tears flowing down my cheeks and stormed forward. "You has no right to keep this from me! Not something like this! I don't care if it's what she wanted! You should have given them to me sooner. I shouldn't have had to find them." I snapped angrily.

"You're right, kid. You're right. I was trying to respect what your mom wanted though. You've got every right to be pissed." He said…

"You're damn right I do!" I snapped and stormed out the door with one letter in my hand.

 **SOA**

Lena agreed to watch Abel while I tried to calm down a little bit. I didn't understand why I was so angry that I'd found these letters. Well, I knew I was angry because Deacon kept them from me, but I was angry about something else too. I'd found myself at the cemetery, sitting in front of my mothers grave staring down at the unopened letter in my hands.

I heard a motorcycle roaring on the road behind me and glanced over my shoulder to see that it was Jax. He was at CaraCara trying to get Piney and Bobby to back him when I called him and asked him to meet me here. Within a few minutes he walked up the hill and was standing beside my mothers grave and me.

I glanced up at him, wiping away tears. "Thanks for coming. I know you're busy today. I just…"

"It's okay. I've always got time for you. You sounded upset on the phone." Jax sat down next to me, placing his hand on my back and kissing the side of my head. "What's going, babe?"

I was trying to keep it together and not fall apart but it was becoming impossible. I handed Jax the letter from my mom and looked at him, feeling the salty tears sliding down my face hitting my lips. "It's from my mom. Deacon had it. He's had it for a while. There's a whole box of letters from her."

Jax knew better then anyone the weight behind my words. Reading his late father's manuscript.

"He said she wanted me to have it at the right time. What the hell does that even mean?" I cried out, feeling Jax pulling me into his side. He kissed head and let me cry and be confused and angry.

"Did you read it yet?" He asked gently. I looked up at him and wiped my nose on the back of my hand, very attractively. I shook my head.

"I don't know if I can. That wound is still so raw, Jax. I wanna know what it says more then anything, but I'm scared it'll be like losing her all over again. Reading it would be like rubbing salt in the wound, wouldn't it?" I blathered on, feeling like a moron. Of course I should read it.

"It's gonna hurt, yeah, but it might just be the closure you need, darling. You didn't get to say goodbye. Maybe reading this is how you let her go…" Jax spoke softly, holding my gaze. His hand found my cheek and stayed there. His touch felt like home to me. It was safe and everything a girl could ever want.

I heard Jax's phone vibrating inside the pocket of his kutte. Jax sighed and pulled it out silencing it.

"Do you have to go?" I asked, clearing my throat. "It's okay if you do." I said, not meaning a word of it.

"No, it's alright. I'm here with you, the rest of this shit can wait a little longer." He told me, slipping his phone back into his pocket.

My fingers picked at back of the letter. I looked up and at Jax. If I tried to read this I was going to fall apart crying. Rae was kicking my insides to death at the moment making me feel even more nauseous then I already did.

"Will you read it to me?" I asked Jax.

He shared his father's manuscript with me, so it seemed okay to share this with him as well.

"Yeah, I can do that, darling." He gave me a small somber smile and opened the letter. He pulled out a cream colored sheet of paper and held it in one hand, sliding his other hand in mine.

" _Rowan, my baby girl…_

 _If you're reading this..lord that sounds like such a cliché even as I write it...if you're reading this it means I fought as hard as I could, but it was just my time to go. You and I both know I wouldn't willingly leave you behind sweetheart. I'm not going to talk about me being sick; because that's not how I want you to remember me. I've had time to sit and think and ponder and I want you to remember Sunday mornings dancing around the kitchen, and listening to the oldies station in the car, singing along to every single song. I want you to remember the good times even when it seems like everything is going wrong. Trust me, in this life we have, you'll have those days. But you'll also have those days so full of joy as well._

 _If you're reading this... I know you turned to the club and to Deacon. I'm not disappointed Rowan, because I would have done the same damn thing if I were in your shoes. Deacon loves you. He has his reasons for not being around when you were growing up, but I'm also to blame. Deacon is also a man with wrestling with his own demons, he's not perfect, none of us are. I hope that you two can build some sort of relationship that you should have been able to build years ago._

 _I thought keeping you out of his world was the best thing at the time, but I deprived you of a family. SAMCRO isn't perfect by any means. But they are your family and they are a family that will never leave you, this much I know._

 _I saw the way the Teller boy looked at you when you two were together. I know he loves you and I know that love will never fade. I have no doubt that he will do everything in his power to give you the world, because I saw that he saw you deserved it and you do. He looked at you the same way your father looked at me. Even though we didn't end up together I know deep down he still loved me. You're probably thinking, how do I know? Well, I'm your mother and I know._

 _I want you to follow your heart, Rowan. Even if your heart leads you into the SAMCRO world._

 _Be happy._

 _Love hard and deeply like you always have._

 _I want you to always fight for what you want and raise a little hell in the process._

 _You were the best part of me. My little blue eyed blonde haired beauty. You brought so much light and warmth into my life all these years and I will take that and your love with me to the grave._

 _I love you. Im so proud of who you are and who I know you will become._

 _In the box Deacon gave you are letters I've been writing for a while. There's one for each big milestone you should have in your life. Your wedding. When you have a child of your own. When you graduate college and many more._

 _Love always,_

 _Mom"_

By the time Jax was done reading the letter I was sobbing into his shoulder. He'd paused a few times when he got choked up himself as well. Jax pressed his lips to my forehead and let them linger. When I looked up at him I was smiling through the tears. Jax's eyes were brimming with tears, he cleared his throat.

I half laughed and wiped my eyes. "She knew."

"Knew what?" Jax asked, slipping the letter back in the envelope.

"That you were the one before I did."

Jax slipped his hand onto my cheek and kissed me tenderly on the lips. I realized then that I would never stop falling in love with Jax Teller. Through all of the ups and downs in the past 24 hours only made me love him even harder.

Jax pulled away from me slightly and then kissed my tear stained cheeks placing his hand on my belly. "Come on, let me give you a ride back to Deacon's."

I nodded my head and let Jax help me to my feet, thankful for him and not having to walk back to Deacon's. I placed my hand on my moms tomb stone and let it rest there. "I love you mom. Your granddaughter loves you too." I laughed, feeling Rae kicking me again. Jax stood in front of me holding my hips.

"Your mom was right, Ro." Jax slipped his hand onto my neck tipping my head back so I was looking at him. "SAMCRO will always be your family. I will always be your family. I fell in love with you the moment I met you and I haven't stopped loving you since."

 **SOA**

Jax and I were heading back to Deacon's on his bike. The roar of the engine vibrates through my chest. I was a little weary to be riding on his bike being pregnant, but it wasn't far to go and I trusted Jax. He'd made me wear his helmet since we didn't have two with us. Jax was rolling down Main Street when he slowed down, coming to a stop.

Up ahead Clay, Deacon, Opie and Tig were coming out of the barbershop on one side of the street. Weston and his crew were walking across the street towards them.

Opie was already making a beeline for Weston.

"Shit." Jax yelled over the engine. "Get off, babe." He patted my knee. I got off and removed my helmet, making my way to the sidewalk as Jax took off up ahead. What the hell was going on.

I couldn't hear what was being said, so I sped up walking. Jax barked something at Opie, getting off his bike and the next thing I knew Weston had knocked it over, starting a fire Jax was surely going to add fuel to. Jax's fist collided with Weston's jaw and an all out brawl began…

 **A/N: I'm sorry it took so long to get this chapter out to you. I've had a lot going on with family and my depression/anxiety. I try to update when I say I am over on Instagram but it doesn't always pan out that way. With my muscle weaknesses sometimes my arms and hands just won't let me, even though I want to write. And I'm not always on my own schedule living with my parents. So from now on I won't be giving a specific day or anything like that. I'll just update when I can and that will be that so there's no confusion or disappoints on your end or mine.**

 **I hope you like this chapter!**


	120. Chapter 120: Normal

**Chapter 120**

 **Jax's Point of View**

Here I thought I was trying to save the club the trouble of getting into it with Weston and his Aryan crew in the middle of Main Street, but all I did was land all of our asses in jail. Hale had been all too eager to slam cuffs on every single one of us when he pulled up. He had that stupid, smug look on his face as he shoved me into the car. What the hell was Ope thinking trying to start shit with these assholes out in the open? One wrong move and an innocent life could have been taken. I wanted revenge, too. I just don't want it to cost me and my club everything we've built. Ever since Donna, Clay has had tight reigns on Opie and it's only getting worse. Opes like his own personal pit bull now. Clay just stood back and watched all of it go down like a king residing over his kingdom.

Jesus Christ. I could still see Rowan's crying face clear in my mind as she looked at me through the window of the police cruiser. All I want to do is make her happy and keep her safe and I ain't doing to great on either front here lately. How the hell she's put up with all of this shit is behind me. I'm so lucky to have her in my life and I feel like lately all of this is becoming too much for her and maybe she's starting to realize it.

Hale had locked us up in this tiny little cell, a slight smile on his face as he locked the door. I stood with my arms resting on the iron bars glaring at Weston and his crew across the room in their own cell. This was fucking bullshit.

None of us had spoken a word the entire two hours Hale let us sit and stew. Clay was lying on the cot behind me, arms crossed behind his head. The slight smug look presiding on his face told me he was happy with what went down today. Ope was leaning against the cement block wall next to Tig and Deacon. My left cheek under my eye felt sore where I'd gotten hit.

Deacon walked over and joined me, resting against the wall. "So how's Rowan? I know without a doubt she went straight to you after this morning."

Shit. The letter from her mom. I didn't know the woman, but I liked her. I could see when I was reading her words to Rowan that she loved her daughter. She was right about me loving her too.

"I think she's gonna be okay." I glanced at him. "She's lost when it comes to you though, Deacon. She's trying to find her place with you and you not telling her about the letters pissed her off. One thing I've learned with Ro, she thrives on honesty."

"You seem to know my daughter better then I do and that fucking kills me." Deacon muttered under his breath.

I lowered my head and sighed, only looking up when I heard the jangling of keys as someone approached. Hale and another officer entered the holding area. I didn't know whether Unser got us off or if we were getting ready to be transferred. Rowan was gonna shit if that happened.

Hale approached Weston's cell. "This happens again and you'll do thirty for public disturbance. Get out." Hale said, as the other officer opened the door to Weston's cell.

"Yes, sir." Weston said and his boys nodded and smirked our way as they walked out.

Once Weston and his crew were safely out of the room Hale had his officer unlock the door to our cell. Clearly we were all being let go with a warning.

Tig, Ope and Deacon field out of the cell, Clay and I brought up the rear. I just wanted to get the fuck out of here and call Rowan.

"Clay, Jax? Hang back a second." Hale said, causing Clay and I to turn around just as we were almost out of the room.

The rest of the guys continued out, leaving us alone with Hale.

Hale handed Clay a large envelope. Confused, Clay opened it and pulled out a stack of photos. I glanced at them as Clay sifted through them. They were all far away shots of Clay meeting with Laroy and Unser. After a minute, Clay handed some of the photos over to me to look at.

"You running surveillance on us?" Clay questioned, the edge in his voice was evident.

I glanced at Hale, feeling my jaw tightening.

"No. Not me. Zoebelle." Hale corrected Clay. He handed me a small disc in a paper case. "Got footage from a security camera. That's Opie torching the meth lab."

My eyes fell to the smoking gun in my hands and I shook my head. "Jesus Christ." They could have put Ope behind bars for this.

"Why you giving us this shit?" Clay questioned. After I'd accused him of working with Zoebelle I didn't expect this at all.

"I'm not Unser. I'm not on anybody's payroll." Hale glanced at me when he spoke. I nodded slightly, understanding. This was his way of proving himself to me. "There's something else you should know." Hale looked pointedly at Clay. "A few years ago, this developer buddy of my brother, got caught running a scam. Got a zoning official on the take, threatened landowners with eminent domain. Forced them to sell their property on the cheap. My old man was a judge on the case and buried it. The guy walked away. Jake's buddy's on the San Joaquin Zoning Commission."

"So there's no highway?" Clay's eyebrow arched.

"Doubt it." Hale confirmed. Clay half laughed and smirked before turning on his heel and heading out.

"Thanks." I nodded my head at Hale and followed Clay's footsteps out front.

As I was walking outside of the police station I spotted Rowan at the bottom of the steps. She was standing with her arms crossed, chewing on her finger nail looking at the ground. When she glanced up I was almost down the steps. "What are you doing here?"

"Jax!" She practically yelled, wrapping her arms around my neck. I wrapped my arms around her tightly, pulling her against me. "Are you okay? I was worried. I made Unser give me a ride here!" She said against my neck. I could tell she was crying by the way her voice sounded.

"I'm alright. I promise." I reassured her, kissing the side of her head, letting my lips linger. "I'm sorry, babe."

Rowan pulled back slightly, placing her hands on the sides of my neck gently. Her blue eyes frantically searched my face for injuries. I felt her fingertips brush against the forming bruise under my left eye. I clutched her waist closer to mine.

"So much for keeping you out of jail, huh?" She half laughed half cried out, before pressing her lips against my own. God. The feel of her lips on mine was incredible. The way that simple act sparked everything inside me was undeniable.

I couldn't help but smirk. "There's a magnetic pull between me and jail."

"Obviously." Rowan said, relief washing over her. I cupped her cheek with my hand and placed a kiss on her lips.

Opie, Tig, Clay and Deacon walked out of the police station. They were calling the prospect inside on the phone to come get us when I walked out. I glanced across the parking lot at Weston and his boys. Weston made eye contact and started to make his way towards us.

Well, this should be good.

Instinctively, I tucked Rowan behind me, keeping an arm between her and him. She latched onto my arm, her nails digging into my flesh.

"You know I just had to come over here and congratulate you two on your new baby." Weston pointed to the little baby bump on Rowan that was starting to finally become visible to others. It was tiny, but it was there. My little girl.

"Get the fuck outta here before I blow your goddamn brains out onto this asphalt." Deacon growled out before I could even get a word out.

Weston was intent on keeping eye contact with Rowan. I glanced at her. Her jaw was tense and she wasn't holding anything back with the glare she was sending Weston's way. She wasn't scared of him, she was pissed.

"Be a real shame if something happened to that beautiful little girl before she even sees the light of day." Weston said, before any of us had time to react Rowan went at Weston, shoving him back roughly.

"You stay away from my family! You stupid son of a bitch!" She screamed, getting a full scratch in across Weston's face. "Fuck you! You come anywhere near my kids and I'll kill you myself! Sick bastard!" He shoved her back and Tig and Deacon went forward after Weston. I grabbed Rowan's arms and pulled her back as uniformed officers barreled out of the station to break up the new fight.

Rowan was in tears, screaming. "Stay away from us! I'll kill you! I will kill you!" Weston laughed back at her as she fought against me to get at him.

"Hey, hey!" I snapped pulling her back. "Come on! Come on, stop." I said, yanking her back as she fought to keep going at him. She wrenched herself free from my arms and looked at me out of breath.

Tears streamed down her face as she ran a hand through her hair. Her face was flushed and she looked nauseated.

The officers yanked Tig and Deacon off Weston and pushed them back this way, making a line between us and Weston.

"What was that?" I asked, stepping closer to her. She took a few steps back trying to catch her breath.

Without a word she turned on her heel and started walking down the sidewalk away from Weston and me. I followed after her, grabbing her arm once we were down the street a bit, away from Weston. "Hey! What the hell?" I said, gripping her chin making her look at me.

"He threatened our unborn baby! What did you expect me to do!" She shouted. "I swear to god I will kill him!" She yelled, infuriated, attempting to go back in the direction of Weston. I grabbed her waist and held her in place.

"You think I'm gonna let him do anything to you? Huh? You're safe. I promise you. He's just trying to get us all going." I gripped her face, making her look at me. "Just breathe." I said, trying to help her calm down. She took a few deep breaths along with me then buried her face in my chest.

I held her tightly against me. "It's alright. Just breathe. Just listen to me. It's okay. Rae is safe. Abel is safe. You are safe. I promise you." I reassured her. I'd die before I let anything happen to her or my kids.

After a few minutes Rowan calmed down slightly and stepped back, looking at me. "I'm sorry. I just…he…I won't let him hurt us." She said, surprising me. I didn't know what she meant by that, because it was my job to make sure Weston stayed the fuck away and he would because I would fucking kill him if he did anything to my family.

I placed my hand on top of hers on her belly. "You're safe. You're both safe."

She nodded and cleared her throat. Something was still off with her. I just couldn't put my finger on it. This sudden outburst of rage told me she was hiding something. The way she looked at Weston and then went at him.

"You know this whole total disclosure thing goes both ways with us right? You can tell me shit too." I pressed her gently, tucking her hair behind her ears.

"I know. I just lost it for a minute. Better me then you." She tried to give me a half smirk. "I'm just gonna walk back to Deacons and get Abel from Lena. I'm gonna take him to go get a Halloween costume." She wiped the tears off her face and nodded her head again, more to herself then to me.

"Alright." I nodded. "Why don't you wait for the prospect to get here. Ride with us."

"I wanna walk. Clear my head." She answered in clipped responses.

"Okay. Come by TM when you're done. We'll talk." I kissed her forehead gently and then rubbed my nose against hers. "Don't make Abel dress like a pussy or some shit either."

That made her laugh. Like really laugh.

"He's gonna be Finding Nemo. Is that badass enough for you?" She challenged, tears still welled in her eyes. Finding Nemo was the first movie we'd watched together in the hospital when the kid was still in the toaster.

I smirked. "I guess I can roll with that."

Rowan smiled sparking up my entire world in an instant.

"Hey, kid. You okay?" I heard Deacon ask behind me and turned around. "Prospect is here to take us back to our bikes." He patted me on the shoulder.

"I'll see you in a bit." I whispered into her ear, kissing it gently. "I love you."

"I love you too." She whispered back to me.

 **Rowan's Point of View**

I watched Jax walk away and felt Deacons eyes on me. I was no longer angry at him, but things still felt weird. I wondered if things would always feel this way between us. Weird. Forced. Odd. Those were just a few of the words to describe our interactions here lately.

"Listen, I'm sorry I got so pissed at you." I offered, but he waved my apology off.

"Don't apologize. I should have given the letters to you from your mom right after the funeral. But I didn't wanna hurt you anymore then you already were hurting. Hell, maybe part of me kept them because I wanted to have something to keep us tied together." Deacon said, confusing me.

"What do you mean? I'm your daughter. We can't be anymore tied together then that." I half smiled.

Deacon laughed. "Yeah, you are my kid. That's for damn sure. Especially with that attack back there. It was like seeing myself when I was your age. You wanna tell me what that was about?"

"I feel like I'm the only one that's not aloud to lose my temper." I challenged him. "You heard what he said!"

"I did. And if he would have made one step towards you after that I would have shot him." He said the words so causally and effortlessly. I think Gemma and I deserved to be the ones to end that asshole, but I suppose as long as the job gets done it doesn't really matter.

"You walking?" Deacon asked.

I nodded my head. "I'll walk with you."

Deacon and I settled into a slow pace as we walked back to his place. The fresh air felt good after attacking Weston. I picked his skin out from under my fingernails as we walked, wanting nothing more then to wash my hands. The feel of his skin against mine made me physically nauseous.

"Did you read them?" I asked after a while of walking. "The letters?"

"No. I never read them. They were yours, not mine. Your mom gave them to me a week or so after you found out about, well, me." Deacon looked over at me, giving me a soft smile. Well as soft a smile as he could muster up.

"She loved you."

"I loved her. Your mom knew me inside and out, kid. The good, the bad, the ugly. We had a love a lot like you an Jax." I could see the distaste on Deacons face as he let those words slip out of his mouth, but it wasn't all distaste.

"Just admit that you like that Jax and I are together. Just this once." I pressed, giving him a teasing smirk.

"I will never admit that." Deacon said, but I saw a small smirk tugging at his lips. "It's my job to despise any boy my little girl likes."

"I'm not a little girl." I pointed out.

"No, you're not. You're grown. I regret that I wasn't around when you were a little girl."

I thought back to the letter. Mom said that Deacon had demons of his own. What did she mean by that? The club? I was so tired of keeping secrets and not knowing things.

"Mom talked about you in the letter I read. She said you had demons. Do you know what she meant by that?" I pressed gently.

Deacon rubbed his salt and pepper colored beard and looked at his black biker boots. "Not long after your mom and I parted ways and we settled on the arrangement of her staying in Charming she came to me, rethinking things. But I'd spiraled. I'd started drinking, again."

"Again?" I asked confused and concerned with where this was going.

"When I met your mom I had a bit of a drinking problem and she was the thing that pulled me out of that stupor. When things ended between us I went back to drinking a bit."

"Did you go to AA?" I glanced at him, resting my hands on my belly as we walked.

"No. I mange it on my own."

I thought back to all the beer bottles I saw at his loft and the liquor in the cabinets. Was he managing it? I mean it's one thing to party and drink, but he had a lot of alcohol for one person in that loft, not to mention the club bar he has access too as well. "How do you manage it? If you have a problem you should try and get some help…they have programs." I offered, gently, not wanting to push too hard.

"I'm okay, kid." Deacon placed his hand on my shoulder.

"You'd tell me if you weren't, right?" I stopped, looking at him.

Deacon sighed and nodded his head. "I don't have much, but I have my word and I give you my word that I'm okay."

After that we fell into a silent pace next to each other. We ended up back at the gym and his loft. Deacon told me to get Lena out of his loft before she burnt the place down before taking off to go get his bike.

I filled Lena in on what happen this morning with Jax and Weston and everyone getting arrested. Lena and I ended up spending the day together running errands picking up Abel's costume and Opies kids costumes as well. Ellie was going as Cinderella and Kenny was going as Donatello the ninja turtle. "So, I texted Opie and he's cool with us all talking the kids together to go trick r treating. Maybe forcing him and Jax together will make them kiss and make up. They've been acting so weird with each other lately."

"I know." I mumbled, still kinda lost in my own head. We were walking out of the pharmacy heading back to Jax's truck. I'd called Cara at the hospital and she'd worked her magic and got Gemma a prescription to help with her issues since the rape. Lena was carrying Abel and I was right beside her. As Lena was putting Abel's car seat into the back of Jax's truck I glanced down the street and a flash of blonde hair caught my attention.

"Hey, hello, loser, how do I work this thing?" Lena faintly called out to me. She sounded far away.

The blonde hair was attached to a young girl, about my age. She looked so familiar it was weird. I didn't even realize I was walking towards her until I was half way to her. The girl glanced over her shoulder at about that time and I realized where I'd seen her…

"Rowan! Where are you going?" Lena called out back at the truck.

The blonde standing maybe a hundred feet from me was the same woman that had lured Gemma and I out of the car that night. She spotted me staring at her and recognition washed over her pointed features. I watched as she locked the doors to a minivan and pulled her cell phone out as I kept walking towards her.

"Hey!" I called out, almost at a jog now.

I watched the girl sprint down the street and get into Weston's green Jeep at the end. My heart was racing and I felt frozen there on the sidewalk.

"What is going on? Who was that chick?" Lena said, coming up behind me. I heard her and knew it was her, but when she touched my shoulder I still flinched.

"She was…there…that night…" I blurted out.

I looked at her and realized she didn't have Abel with her.

"Where's Abel?" I panicked.

"He's in the truck. He's fine." Lena tried to reassure me.

We weren't far from the truck, but I still sprinted back to it and check to see that Abel was sound asleep in the backseat. Lena followed me.

"You can't just walk away from him like that!" I yelled, my voice shaking with panic. "Anyone could have walked up and taken him when your back was turned!" I freaked out on her.

"Rowan he's fine! I was right with him until you walked off! Calm down!" Lena grabbed my arms and felt that I was shaking.

"I can't calm down!" I cried out feeling my chest tightening. My breathing was heavy and labored and I felt lightheaded.

"It's okay! Rowan. You're having a panic attack. It's okay. Just get in the truck." Lena helped me into the passenger seat then quickly got into the driver seat. She reached over and grabbed my hands while I sat there motionless and terrified.

I pulled my hand out of hers and grabbed my bag and pulled the gun out of it Gemma had given me.

"Jesus, put that away." Lena demanded.

I don't know why I even pulled it out. I guess I just wanted to be sure I had it with me. I slowly put it back in the bag and looked at Lena. She looked concerned and frantically searched my eyes.

We sat there for a good twenty minutes just holding each other's hands. When I finally regained my composure Lena drove back to her house. We were parked in her driveway.

"I know you're scared Rowan. But if you don't tell Jax soon, I will." Lena said looking me dead in the eye. "I don't care if it makes you hate me and you never speak to me again. I will tell him what happened if you don't. Because this is eating you up. You are so concerned with protecting Jax and Gemma that you're letting what happened effect you without dealing with it yourself."

I knew she was right. There was anything I could say in return really. So I nodded my head and watched as she got out of the car. I watched until she made it into her house before getting out and getting into the driver seat. I caught myself looking over my shoulder the entire time again, just like I had when Kohn was around.

 **Jax's Point of View**

Somehow the hands of fate were on my side for once and I was able to keep the majority of the guys on my side over this Zoebelle bullshit. We all agreed to wait and learn more about these money'd up assholes before we retaliate on Ottos behalf. Clay was pissed, but what else is new. I'd wondered out into the garage after the vote and found myself in the office. I was waiting for Rowan to get here. For some reason her behavior lately was lying in the back of my mind. The way she went at Weston. Not telling me the truth when I confronted her about being arrested when I went up to Chamberlain. She said all that was about Lena's car getting hit by Weston's. So then there should be a record of her getting it fixed if she brought it to TM like Rowan said.

I got up off the couch and paused. Was I really questioning Rowan right now? I opened the file cabinet and started shifting through the files looking for Lena's name and car make and model. I found her file quick enough and opened it, my eyes searched through the records, but I didn't see any record of her having her car in lately other then for a tire repair. Opie signed off on that.

"Hey!" I heard Rowan's voice behind me. I quickly shoved the file back in the cabinet and shut it. "Are you looking for something?"

I turned around and walked over to her. "Nah, just putting some paper work in that got left in the shop." I kissed her lips gently and pressed my forehead against hers. She was fucking lying to me. My gut was right. But why? Why lie? She wants me to be honest with her and here she is lying to me. It doesn't make sense. "Where's Abel?"

"Piney wanted to say hello to him." She smiled up at me, holding the sides of my face in her hands. I took her hands and kissed them before putting them down.

Rowan leaned against the desk and I stood in front of her while she latched onto my kutte.

"You okay?" I questioned, studying her face.

"I'm just tired." She chirped back at me giving me a half smile.

"No, it's more then that. I said we'd talk. Let's talk." I offered, trying to get her to open up to me. Damn girl was like a Venus fly trap.

"I'm just worried that's all…" she started to say but stopped herself. "I don't wanna be like this Jax. I don't want you to drive drunk with your son in the car. I don't wanna walk out on you when we fight. I don't want us to be those people."

"What happened with me and Abel will never happen again. You have my word. I know it was stupid, trust me." I reassured her. Abel was one of the most precious things in my life. Her being the other. "If you don't wanna walk out then don't, stay. Fight. Scream. Yell. I don't give a shit."

She wouldn't look me in the eye, instead she was holding staring at the reaper on my shirt like it was a real one. She blinked but her eyes seemed glossy and glazed over like she was anywhere else but here with me.

"I can't shake this feeling that something bad is going to happen." She finally spoke and her voice sounded like a goddamn ghost. Her eyes finally met mine. "To you. To me. To Abel. It won't go away. I don't know how to fit into this and it scares the hell out of me."

"Fit into what?"

"The violence, The porn, the other girls. It's not normal." She scoffed standing up in front of me.

"What is normal even mean." I smirked at her, holding onto her waist.

"How does Abel fit into this? How does she?" Rowan looked down at her stomach.

"Have you read my dads manuscript?" I asked.

"Just the parts that I've read with you."

"Read it. Cover to cover. The entire manuscript is his vision for the club and what went wrong and how to save it. I need you to stick with me and give me a chance. Because I promise you, I'll get us out and away from all those things that you're scared of. But I can't do it without you with me by my side, Rowan. I can't. I know I can't."

Rowan placed her hand on my cheek and ran her thumb over my lip making me kiss it. "I believe in you, Jax."

"You and I babe, we're better together then we ever were apart. You came into my life for a reason."

Rowan stood on her toes and pressed her lips against mine, kissing me. My hand palmed the small of her back and I deepened the kiss, sliding my tongue across her bottom lip, then gently into her mouth when she opened hers. I could have stood there forever and kissed her like that. Slowly. Taking my time.

"Let's go home." Rowan said pulling back breathlessly.

"Actually, I think you should stay with Deacon for a bit longer."

"You just said we're better together and now you don't want me to come home?" She arched her eyebrow at me.

I smirked. "I do want you home and in my bed." I gripped her hip. "But I think it'll do you both some good. Spend some time with each other. I'll bring Abel and you some stuff by later."

Rowan was slightly confused, but nodded her head.

"Come on, let's go see the kid." I grabbed her hand and led her out of the office.

Chibs was telling Dog to get another car to put the garage.

"Oh, I got Abel's costume." Rowan smiled, stopping and grabbing my other hand making me look at her.

"Jesus." I rolled my eyes.

"Lena and Opie want us all to walk around together with the kids. I think it'll be fun. It'll be normal." She cocked her eyebrow at me.

"I don't do holidays really."

"What?" Rowan laughed. Dog had pulled the tow truck around from back and was letting a minivan down off of it. The beeping was loud as the van was lowered down off the ramp of the truck.

"I mean I do the holidays where you eat. Like thanksgiving and Christmas. Everything else is bullshit." I explained.

"Please! It's Abel's first Halloween. It's special. Plus we get to eat all the candy!" She had a point. She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed my cheek moving to my ear. "Plus, I'll do that thing you like so much." She whispered in my ear, making me look at her with a cocky grin. I'd do anything to get her lips around my cock again.

"Yeah?" I smirked.

"Mhmm…" She nipped the bottom of my earlobe sending a shot of pleasure all the way to my dick.

"Fine. Yeah. Whatever." I agreed. Rowan laughed and started to pull me towards the clubhouse where the picnic tables were. Piney was sitting next to Abel's car seat.

As we were walking past the minivan I noticed Rowan looking at it over her shoulder.

"What's up?" I asked, stopping, now looking at the minivan Chibs had just got in.

"N-Nothing." Rowan shook her head and in that instant Chibs got out of the minivan. There was a loud boom as it exploded into flames in front of us.

I grabbed Rowan and pulled her behind me, covering myself over her in that moment.

As quick as it happened it was over. Smoke filled the air. Screams filled my ears. Along with a loud ringing. "Are you okay?" I yelled at Rowan griping her face. She said yes back but I'd didn't hear her I just saw her head nodding. Rowan and I both looked at the flaming van and then Chibs on the ground.

"Jesus." We both took off in a run towards Chibs.

He was lying on the ground unconscious, blood pooling around his head.

Rowan was at his side in an instant checking for a pulse. Everyone was coming at him trying to help, but I was just standing there in shock.


End file.
